How I Seduced Your Father

How I Seduced Your Father

A/N: I love Neil, and technically he is gay, even if his character isn’t. Anyways, hope you enjoy this sexy yaoi. I made Ted the top because I think Barney is a bottom in real life.

Psst: I think his eyes are green, but idk

Disclaimer: I do not own the How I Met Your Mother fandom, nor do I make any money from this.

OOOOOO

Barney was a playboy, that’s what he did. He challenged himself to find a different girl every night of the week and have wild kinky fun with her. But when he was in the bedroom, rolling around with some blonde bimbo or sexy chick, it wasn’t her soft pale skin he was thinking of, instead it was rock hard abs and toned muscles. When he would moan her name - often times he got it right, though he would never tell - it wasn’t the name he was screaming in his min, no where close.

Barney only loved one person before in his entire life that was not his family - Ted Mosby. He couldn’t explain what attracted him to the man - perhaps it was everything about him? But, as if were, every time Barney was hooking up with some girl he was thinking only of his best friend.

The blonde sighed, taking a shot of whiskey. Tonight it was hard to not think about his best friend. The other man was sitting next to him, talking to the whore (Robin) and having a great time. Barney could feel the eyes of a hot girl looking at him, but he found he could care less. He ordered and downed another shot before standing - and then falling on his ass.

Ted gave him a strange look and smiled, helping him to his feet. “You alright?” He asked with a laugh.

The blonde pushed him away and stumbled, “I’m fine!” He growled, staggering towards the door. He started to fall once more, but Ted caught him just in time, pulling the blonde to his chest in a firm grip. Barney’s breath hitched in his throat for a moment. He longed to wrap his arms around his best -male - friends neck and kiss him with all the emotions he was feeling. Instead, he mumbled thanks and stepped back.

Ted didn’t let go of him, however. “Come on, I’ll take you home.” He said gently before turning to Robin. “I’ll see you later.”

The taxi ride was awkward for Barney. He took advantage of his own drunken state to lean against his friend, his head resting against the other mans chest. Ted didn’t seem to mind too much: he wrapped an arm around Barney’s shoulders and laid his head back, staring at the roof of the taxi.

The ride wasn’t too long and soon the pair was stumbling into Barney’s apartment. Ted placed Barney in his bedroom, but the blonde wrapped his arms around his neck, keeping him still. “Ted…” He spoke softly, looking into the other’s eyes. He lost his nerve, “Turn the heat on.” He whimpered pathetically, letting the man go.

Ted looked down at the blonde and sighed, leaving to turn the heat on and lock the door. He paced around in the living room for a moment, thinking. Ted had a secret that only one person in the world knew (Robin). Ted was not just looking for the woman of his dreams, no, he was looking for the woman or man of his dreams. And lately, he had been watching Barney more and more recently. His soft blonde hair, his dark green eyes, his smooth, taunt muscles. Ted shivered and looked back to where Barneys room was. He walked over and opened the door a crack, looking in. Barney was sitting up on his bed, his head against the head board with his eyes closed. “Barney?”

The blonde’s eyes shot open. “Yeah?”

Ted’s breath caught in his throat. “Um…need help with your pajamas?” He asked shyly, stepping into the room.

Barney nodded and gulped. “I was trying to figure out how to do it myself.” He admitted shyly, though that was not what he was thinking about - he was thinking of his best friend. In his apartment. His head was swimming with the alcohol, making him brave, however. “Over there,” He pointed at his dresser and spoke in a very husky voice, making Ted gulp too.

The architect slowly got out the silk suit pajamas and walked over to Barney. The blonde stood on shaky feet and fumbled with the buttons on his suit, unable to get them undone. Ted reached forward slowly and grasped one over Barney’s fingers and undid them with the other man one by one, concentrating heavily on the task and not looking up to see Barney staring at him. Once he was finished, he placed his hands on the shoulders and pushed the jacket off, and for once Barney just let his expensive suit touch the floor, not bothering to put it away.

Next, Ted worked on the buttons of the dress shirt one by one, slowly, wishing the moment was leading to something other then pajamas and sleep. He got to the last few buttons, his finger’s dreadfully and delightfully close to the other mans pants. Ted looked up sharply when he heard Barney take a sudden gasp of breath. He looked down at the shorter man, and his breathe hitched once more as he saw the look of lust in his friends eyes. He opened his mouth to say something - anything - but Barney stepped forward and pressed their mouths together in a heated, fiery kiss. Their tongues danced and twisted, playing with each other forcefully. Barney gripped his hands into Ted’s shirt and dragged the older man onto his bed on top of him. Barney moaned wantonly as Ted positioned himself between his legs.

The moan made Ted gasp and try to break away from his friend - Barney was drunk, he shouldn’t be doing this - but the older man whimpered under him.

“Please, Ted. Don’t.” Barney had never begged any woman in his entire life. He was a womanizer on the outside, but on the inside, he was just so afraid of being alone, afraid of rejection. “Just tonight, act like I’m Robin, or Stella, or some random girl you just met.” He growled, pulling the man down for another kiss.

But Ted refused. He gulped and looking into Barney’s eyes and cupped his cheek, “I’ll think of you, Barney.” He said softly, before descending once more to capture the blondes lips. His hands found the blonde’s exposed stomach and he roamed the taunt muscles there, relishing in the way the jumped and Barney wiggling under him. He ground his painfully hard member into Barney’s pelvis, moaning when he felt his friend own hard cock brushed against his hard.

“Barney,” Ted moaned, leaning up and looking at the withering form of the blonde beneath him.

“Take your clothes off.” Barney growled out reaching forward to grab desperately at Ted’s clothes. Smirking, the younger man pulled off his shirt over his head, the went to work on Barney’s belt. He was shock, however, when he ground himself on the bed staring at the ceiling instead. Barney was kneeling on the bed before him and reached for Ted’s pants, then discarded them across the room. He then reached into the younger man’s boxers and pulled out the impressive erect penis. He cocked a smirk and started into Ted’s eyes as he leaned down and flicked his tongue over the head.

Ted couldn’t look away as he watched his cock disappear into that blissfully hot mouth that Barney had. He moaned and gripped the sheets on the bed tightly, resisting the urge to thrust into that tight cavern. When Barney ran a tongue over his veins and bobbed faster, then man threw his head back onto the bed, crying in pleasure. He reached down and weaved his fingers into the sexy blonde hair, urging him to continue, but Barney pulled away. “Bar,” Ted whimpered.

“I want you in me.” Barney growled out as he stood and released himself from his ants, letting them fall to the floor. He fumbled for a second, almost falling as his head swam with alcohol and arousal. He reached into his drawer and pulled out some lotion before crawling back to Ted. “Do you…know how to…”

The younger man eagerly nodded, glad they didn’t argue over who the bottom was. He grabbed the lotion and slicked his fingers, gulping. He paused and looked up at Barney, who was laying spread eagle, shivering with closed eyes. “Have you ever, I mean, been with a man?” Barney shook his head and Ted gulped once more. “I’ll be gentle.” He said, inserting one slick finger into that tight passage.

Barney moaned and wiggled at the weird intrusion, but did not tell him to stop. “I’d prefer if you didn’t.” He then thought of something and opened his eyes to stare at Ted. “Have you?”

Their eyes locked and Ted sighed. It was time to be honest. “Yeah. Plenty of times.” He admitted, sliding another slick finger into the withering blonde. He smirked as the man clenched his eyes shut and ground onto his fingers willingly. “Why Barney, who knew you would be so sexy with fingers up your ass?” Barney glared, then gasped as the young man hit his prostate. Ted withdrew from him and flipped the man over to stand on shaky hands and knees. “Can you stay like this, or are you too drunk?” Ted teased before slamming into Barney abruptly.

“Ted!” Barney scream, collapsing - or he would have, if Ted hadn’t wrapped his arms around the smaller man and held him still.

The brunette leaned down, his dick completely sheaved inside of the smaller frame, and licked the shell of Barney’s ear. His ground roughly into the body, not easing up on Barney’s prostate, making the blonde groaned deeply and quiver excitedly. “Like that?” Ted whispered, nibbling the mans ear. When he got a wonton reply of ‘yes’, he smirked, grinding harder, “How long have you wanted this?” He asked suddenly, moving to nibble on the mans neck.

Barney’s head swam with so many things, he could barely hear the question being heard. He felt his dick leak at the words and moaned, “Since I met you,” He admitted, grinding back. “Dammit Ted, article 386 of the Bro Code says a bro gives it his all, all the time. So give me your all.” He snarled out, though his tone held no malice.

Chuckling, Ted sat back and gripped is new lover’s hips tightly. He pulled out all the way and thrust back into the tight passage hard, making both men groaned at the delightful friction. Their bodies started to sweat as Ted kept up the pace hard and fast, never slowing no matter how much his body burned. He held out for a long time, wanting it to never end. Every twenty or so thrusts, he would pause and give a few short agonizingly slow thrust to keep himself from tipping over the edge.

“Ted,” Barney moaned as he arched his back and tried to thrust onto the thick, long, rod inside him, “Please make me feel good.” He begged, too shaky to reach down and grip his own painfully aware erection.

The younger man smirked and reached around to grip his lover’s cock. He stroked it in tune with his rough hard thrust, groaning as Barney shuddered and withered in pleasure beneath him. When the blonde cam moaning his name, it was too much for Ted to handle. He cried out and gave a hard thrust, placing his hand on Barney’s back. He pushed him down, groaning as he cam, filling his best friend full of his hot, liquid cum.

Both lay shaking and withering for a moment before Ted unsheathed himself from Barney and laid on the bed, panting. The blonde looked at him and bit his lip before crawling over and laying on his chest.

“You gonna…sleep here?” Barney asked with a blushing, not looking at his male friend.

Ted thought about it, then smirked, “I should teach you a lesson and leave while you’re in the shower.” He joked, but tightened his hold when Barney froze. “Yeah, I’m sleeping here.” He said finally, giving a yawn. “Go to sleep,” he then commanded, closing his eyes and drifting to a peaceful sleep.