Something Stupid

Author’s Note: This story/timeline begins pre-Stargate, the Movie. I’m not following strict canon, but it is close--so don’t yell at me, I know it’s off. Also, be aware that I use quotes from Stargate, the movie and COTG, the pilot episode throughout. Lyrics include: Gnarls Barkley's 'Crazy'; Pink's 'Misery' and 'Love Song'; Jessica Simpsons' 'Irresistible'.

A/N 2: This is the song, ‘Something Stupid’, as sung by Frank Sinatra that inspired this fic.

I know I stand in line until you think you have the time to spend an evening with me
And if we go someplace to dance I know that there’s a chance you won’t be leaving with me
And afterwards we drop into a quiet little place and have a drink or two
And then I go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like I love you

I can see it in your eyes that you despise the same old lies you heard the night before
And though it’s just a line to you for me it’s true and never seemed so right before

I practice everyday to find some clever lines to make the meaning to come through
But then I think I’ll wait until the evening gets late and I’m alone with you
The time is right your perfume fills my head, the stars get red, and oh, the night’s so blue
And then I go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like I love you

I love you
I love you

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

WARNING: This is an angst-filled fic and according to some readers there isn't a happy ending! Read at your own risk...Jack/Sara past implied, Sam/Jonas past implied. Some original characters. Also, WARNING: discussion of an ectopic pregnancy.


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Colonel Jack O’Neill (retired), slid in to the corner booth that should have had his name carved on it. It was where he’d practically lived since he’d walked through the doors of Murphy’s at 1800hrs on the day of the funeral. Now he was a fixture there, arriving every single night at exactly the same time and staying until it closed or he was so drunk that he passed out and the owner had to send him home in a cab. It wasn’t like he was an alcoholic or anything; he didn’t get drunk every night. It was just the only way he could make it through the days...and the nights.

Today had been particularly bad. He’d had nightmares all night long and stupid man that he was, he’d woken up in the late morning determined to finally unpack the box of pictures that Sara had let him take when she’d kicked him out four months ago. Unable to stand one more minute of the memories that were suffocating him in the cheap, supposedly temporary apartment that he’d moved into, he’d gotten into his truck and drove over to his home away from home even though it wasn’t time for him to be there yet. His knuckles were white as he sat there, gripping the steering wheel and battling the overwhelming desire to go in. He needed alcohol; lots and lots of alcohol.

But he didn’t give in. That good ole’ military discipline won out...this time. He sat there for the entire time staring unseeingly at the dashboard and arguing with himself. Refusing to acknowledge the wave of relief that swept over him as the clock finally ticked to the appropriate numbers, he slammed the truck door shut and forced himself to walk sedately into the bar and towards his special booth.

“Bring the bottle tonight” he growled at the petite brunette waitress, Leah, as she approached.

Giving him a quick nod, she turned around and headed back to the bar. Oh no, it was going to be one of those nights for him, poor guy.

Returning and setting the bottle of 25 year old Campbeltown Loch whiskey and a glass down on his table, she scooped up the $60 he already had laid out for her.

“Are you looking for company tonight? I think Cheryl is going to be in...” she asked before he cut her off.

“No” came the curt interruption, “and stop pimping for me. If I want company I’m perfectly able to find it myself.”

Flashing a ‘yeah right’ grimace at him, she just responded, “sorry”.

God, she wished he’d find someone. At least then she wouldn’t have to play bodyguard to fend off all the women that would start hitting on him at soon as the bar filled up. You’d think they’d learn. At first she’d just pitied the tramps bold enough to approach him when he sent them packing, but then one night he’d gotten so mean and nasty in his refusal that they’d had to calm down a half-drunk, hysterically crying woman who’d threatened to sue everybody in the place. There was no way the owner was going to kick out his best customer, especially given the circumstances of his situation, so Leah and the other waitresses were assigned the job of discouraging women from approaching him. It was pure ‘joy to the world’ trying to keep horny drunk women from the most gorgeous man in the place.

But Jack didn’t see her skepticism and wouldn’t have cared if he had, so intent was he on pouring the alluring amber liquid into the glass. With his hand literally shaking as he lifted the precious nectar to his mouth, he didn’t savor its smooth fire but swallowed it in one gulp. The sweet and smoky flavor burned its way down his throat and he sighed in surrender. God, he needed that.

By his fourth shot he was finally able to sip instead of gulp the soothing brew. Yep, he was going to get rip-roaring piss drunk. Trashed, sloshed, three sheets to the wind, hammered, tight, soaked, buzzed, intoxicated, under the influence, visit Margaritaville...and he was obviously well on his way.


XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

“DAMMIT!” she spewed, shoving the keyboard into the monitor and then looking around the room guiltily. Thank god she was alone. She didn’t like to use profanity on the job since it tended to make all the other scientists feel nervous and uncomfortable when even the brilliant mind of Captain Doctor Samantha Carter was reduced to the use of foul language.

Rubbing her hands over her tired eyes, she rolled her shoulders to try and release some the tension that had been building up over the past twenty-two months. It didn’t work. The knots were still there and her head was still pounding from staring at the stupid computer screen for the past....8 hours. Crap, had lunch really been that long ago?

“CAPTAIN CARTER TO GENERAL WEST’S OFFICE” blared over the PA system.

Rapping on the closed door, she turned the knob and stepped in coming to the position of attention as crisply as her groaning muscles would allow.

“At ease, Captain.”

As she shifted position he continued, “What day is it?”

“Sir?”

“I asked you what day it is?”

“It’s...” she paused wracking her brain for the information, the day of the week...the date, something to latch onto and give to him. “Umm...” her voice trailed away in embarrassment.

“Exactly! If your father knew how I was letting you kill yourself down here, he’d have my bal...I mean head, on a platter. So I’m ordering you to take the weekend off. By the way, it’s Friday.”

“But sir, I know that if I can just calibrate the Pervoskites to maintain the lattice structure we can reach the critical temperature of 200 degrees Kelvin and...”she paused, gulping back the rest of her words at his glare.

Relaxing his face into a grin and waving his hand in the air he teased, “Sammie, you’re a big girl so go get drunk, go get laid, go...”

“UNCLE BILL!” came her shocked reply.

“Um, don’t tell your dad I said that...I just meant go do something that gets your mind off the problem at hand. You’ve been working on this project nonstop for almost two years now and I know you’ve gone leaps and bounds beyond what was achieved in the thirteen years before that, but you need to realize that this assignment is a marathon, not a sprint.”

Sighing reluctantly, she nodded her head and then remembered to tag on a “Yes sir”.

“Good, now get out of here, and so help me if I come back Monday morning and see that you’ve logged back in over the weekend I’ll...I’ll...I’ll sick Auntie Martha on you!” he ordered as he got up from his desk and gave her a quick hug.

Giggling, she squeezed back briefly and replied, “Give her my love”.

“I will, now go on, scoot.”

Pulling herself into attention again, she snapped a saucy salute at him and left the office. The smile left her face as she stood at the elevator waiting for the doors to open. Crap, now what was she supposed to do?


XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

No plan in mind, she puttered around the apartment aimlessly. The only time she’d taken days off before was when she’d traveled to Washington to attend briefings at the Pentagon or to visit her fiancé Jonas. Now her ex-fiancé. She had broken up with him it after that last visit when she’d caught him in bed with another woman; she’d come into town unexpectedly and had ended the visit by throwing his ring at him. At least she’d had friends back there. Here in Colorado there wasn’t anyone that she felt comfortable calling up to go out for a night on the town or even just to dinner.

Chuckling again remembering the General’s comment she thought, oh yeah, sure, she was SO the type to go out, get drunk and have a one night stand. It’s a good thing she’d known him her entire life, otherwise she might have to report him for sexual harassment.

Her stomach growling loudly, she thumbed through the yellow pages looking for a decent restaurant close by that would be open at this late hour. In the mood for a steak, she saw that the address for a place called Murphy’s was in the area. Vaguely recalling hearing how good their food was over lunch in the mess hall, plus the advertisement boasting of serving their entire menu until closing, she decided to give it a chance. Grabbing her purse and keys, she headed out the door.

Murphy’s was packed. Wall to wall people met her dismayed sight. There wasn’t one table available. Pushing her way to the bar, she placed her order to go. There was no way she felt up to dealing with the meat market that was on display. Thankful that she was in jeans and a plain pink sweater she hoped to stay under the radar as she sipped her diet cola and waited for her food.

Being left alone was apparently too much to hope for as within minutes she was bombarded with men asking her to dance or hitting on her with the dumbest one liners she’d ever heard. What was it with men? She wasn’t dressed up like she was on the prowl for company, no earrings, barely any make up left on her face from when she’d applied it for work that morning and there was no way what she was wearing was anywhere close to sexy. Men were all dogs with only one thought on their minds. Firmly saying no was getting old really fast. Anxious to get away, even for a moment, she headed towards the bathrooms, forgetting the soda clutched in her hand.

As she waded through the crowded tables she spotted a booth that only had one person sitting in it. Recognition dawned on her as she got closer. It was the drunk who’d moved into her apartment complex a few months ago. She’d only seen him a few times but had heard him banging into the hallway walls a couple of times a week as he came home in the early morning hours.

Leah turned from taking a drink order from table twelve in time to see a woman pause at Jack’s booth. Oh shit!

“Um, excuse me...do you think, um, I mean, um....Hi, I’m Samantha. I think we live in the same building, and I was wondering if you’d mind if I sat with you until my food order is ready to go? It should only be a few minutes...” she spat out in a rush and then plopped down in the opposite seat before he could respond.

Bleary-eyed, his gaze shifted from the glass in front of him to the blonde apparition that appeared across from him. Staring at her, he wondered where this angel had come from. She reminded him of Sara, only she was...softer...and sexier than Sara had ever been. Wondering why she was looking at him quizzically, his foggy brain finally processed her words.

“Jack, and its fine” he mumbled back unable to stop gazing at her.

Nervously, she sipped her drink, unsure if she should start up a conversation or just sit quietly. He sure didn’t look capable of contributing anything considering the half empty bottle of whiskey sitting in front of him and his obviously drunken state.

Watching as she placed her lips on the rim of the glass he felt a twitch from between his legs. He sensed that she would give amazing head, given her generous lips and long neck. Stifling the groan that threatened, he struggled to find something to talk about. Something that would drag his mind from the gutter as he stared in rapt attention as her throat convulsed while swallowing the cola. Oh god, he was going to come right there in his pants.

Before he had a chance to say something stupid, Leah arrived at the table intent on getting the woman away from him as quickly as possible.

“Miss, I’m sorry you can’t sit here.”

“Jack said it was ok....” Sam replied a little perplexed at the waitress’ abruptness.

“Oh, you know Jack?”

“It’s ok, Leah, we live together...” Jack said, swaying in his seat as he tried to keep his balance as he turned to address her.

“You...?” Leah trailed off in surprise.

“We live in the same apartment building” Sam corrected softly.

“Oh, well, if he says it’s ok, then...well...”

”Oh, I’m just waiting on my order and then I’m leaving” she assured the protective woman.

“Yeah” Jack chimed in, “we’re leaving because it’s time for us to go home...” he said just before his head thumped forward onto the table.

“Jack?” Leah asked with concern as she gently shook his shoulder.

A loud snore was his only reply.

The two women looked at each other in consternation.

“I guess I better call him a cab” Leah said, picking up the used glass and twisting the cap on the bottle closed.

“Well, I can drive him home; I mean...I’m going there anyway,” Sam said before she could stop the words from tumbling out. Crap, was she a complete glutton for punishment? What on earth possessed her to offer to take home some drunken stranger?

“Would you really? Oh that’d be great. I always worry that he won’t make it from the cab to his apartment.”

“Sure” she answered uneasily as she was anything but sure about what she’d gotten herself into.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

With help from the owner, Jack was buckled into her car and with his precious bottle clutched in a death grip, they made it without incident to the apartment. She’d driven with the windows down, hoping the cool air would keep him from puking in her classic Volvo. It had helped him wake up some so that he wasn’t unconscious and could manage to shuffle his feet enough to walk with her assistance.

With his arms draped around her, she guided him inside to the elevator. Using the wall to prop him up and take the brunt of his weight, she was pulled into a lover’s embrace since his arms were still firmly locked around her. Feeling the evidence of his arousal against her belly, she stifled the giggles that threatened to erupt. If only Uncle Bill could see her now! This was more along his line of thought than hers for a relaxing Friday night.

Using the closeness to take a critical look at him she realized that he really was good-looking, for an older guy. He had to be at least ten to fifteen years older than she was. She could tell by the lines in his face that he’d seen a lot of bad stuff in his life, but instead of detracting from his classically striking face, they made it rugged and downright handsome.

“God, you smell good,” he mumbled as he lifted his head from the wall and dipped it forward to rest on her shoulder, nuzzling her neck with his face and inhaling loudly.

Squirming from the tickling sensation, she gasped as he lowered his grasp from her shoulders to her ass and ground his pelvis into hers. Oh god. Tendrils of desire shot out from her belly and tingled throughout her body. Maybe she did need to get laid if some half-comatose drunk could do that just by rubbing his hard dick against her.

“Jaaaack, what do you think you’re doing?” she drawled.

“If I have to tell you, then I must not be doing it right,” he breathed into her ear before turning his lips to her throat.

“You’re drunk” she stated, concentrating on not feeling the delicious tension building in her womb, denying the wetness that was starting to dampen her panties.

“Mmm-hmm” he agreed, biting and nipping her shoulder as he slid one hand up her hip and side to her breast and began to fondle it through the thin sweater. Grazing his knuckles across the taut nipple she shuddered in his arms.

“You don’t even know who I am,” she protested.

“You said we live together” he said latching onto the only thing his brain seemed to have processed.

Thankfully the elevator dinged and the doors slid open so she didn’t have to respond to that illogical statement.

It was like defending herself from an octopus as she dragged him down the hallway trying to juggle the bottle of whisky and her take out bag. Things only got more intense as she fished for his keys to unlock the door.

Rolling her eyes to the groans he was emitting as her fingers inadvertently brushed against his huge bulge, she finally managed to snag the keys and get them both inside his apartment. With her inner voice set on fast-forward, she berated herself for offering to bring him home. What had she been thinking? She didn’t even have the excuse of being drunk and now she was getting mauled for her Good Samaritan gesture. There was no justice in this world.

Taking a quick glance around the room she saw that he didn’t own a couch. There was just a recliner in the room with a bunch of boxes piled on top of it. Debating on dumping him onto the floor right there, she grimaced. Hell, she’d made it this far, she might as well put him to bed.

With the sounds of him cooing ‘yeah, baby’ in her ear as he pressed sloppy kisses along her jaw line, she gritted her teeth and towed him none too gently to the bedroom. Backing him up so his calves were flush against the mattress that was lying in the middle of the floor, she pulled away from him to push him back onto the bed, but wasn’t quick enough to avoid his lips...on hers...wet and hot and oh my god his tongue! She bit down and shoved him away so that he toppled over yelping in pain.

Men!

She stared down at him, her chest heaving trying to catch her breath, not only from the strenuous activity of lugging him from the car but also from the sensations he had elicited from her body.

Eyeballing the hunk as he lay sprawled on the bed, a speculative gleam flashed across her mind’s eye. Why not? He certainly was willing enough given his actions the past ten minutes, he was handsome, not to mention pretty damned skilled given that he was drunker than a skunk, and he’d still been able to make her wetter than she could ever remember from just a few minutes of groping, so where was the harm? She even had a couple of condoms in her apartment...

Leaning over to get his attention, she said clearly, “Jack, I’ll be right back, can you stay awake for a few more minutes?”

“You BIT me!” he pouted, blinking his eyes at her, trying to focus on her face.

“Yeah, and I promise that I’ll do it again if you can hang in there,” she purred and pecked a quick kiss on his thin lips.

Breaking away before he could respond, she hurried out to the sounds of his guttural growl. The evening was starting to look up.

Making sure she had his keys so she didn’t accidentally lock herself out, she practically ran down to her own place and dug through her nightstand looking for the box of condoms that she’d purchased in anticipation of Jonas coming to visit. The bastard never had and they were still there. Triumphantly, she scooped up a handful and darted back down the hall.

He was still lying exactly as she’d left him and she took the scant time necessary to strip before sliding into position on top of him.

Jack thought that he’d died and gone to heaven. How else could you explain the beautiful blonde-haired, blue-eyed angel that was in the process of loosening his belt? He was so hard that he thought he was going to explode at any second. Shivering as the room temperature air wafted across his burning skin he squeezed his eyes tightly shut and tried to focus on keeping it together.

Hearing the rip of the condom wrapper made his dick jump in anticipation and when her fingers placed the latex circle on his glans he lost it. Pearly-white fluid shot out from the tiny slit. His hips bucked wildly spewing the sticky mess every where. She tried to shield herself by deflecting the stream with the rubber, but he couldn’t be still and it ended up all over her, all over him and all over the bed. Yuck.

She looked at him in disgust. Dammit. How dare he get her all riled up and then leave her hanging? Not to mention, EWW! She’d barely moved off of him when he sat up abruptly.

“I think I’m going to be sick!” he blurted out.

Oh great!

Helping him off the bed and hustling him towards the bathroom, they’d barely made it onto the tile when the puking began. Double eww!

With his head deep into the toilet, she just stood there and stared. What the hell had she gotten herself into? She should just leave! Grabbing what she hoped was a fairly clean washcloth from the shelf, she wet it and began to wipe his cum off of herself with angry strokes. She would never again do something so stupid as to try to have a one night stand...NEVER EVER!

Damn all men! There was a reason she’d sworn off of them. She’d just let her better judgment become clouded because she was horny. And it wasn’t because he was so brilliantly skilled in that department; for god’s sake she hadn’t had sex in over a year! She was just plain old desperate. It didn’t have anything to do with the hot naked man lying on the floor at her feet! Oh my god! He was totally hot!

Stepping back to get a better angle, she admired his tight ass, his six pack abs and whipcord strong biceps. Holy Hannah! Every muscle in his body rippled as another heave wracked his body. Catching a glimpse of his now-flaccid cock made her sigh, he really was huge. Too bad he hadn’t lasted longer, it would have been incredible.

STOP RIGHT THERE, she told herself. Didn’t you just swear off men for the umpteenth time? Didn’t he just gross you out by coming all over you? Get your head out of your vagina and a grip woman! Oh god, his head...her vagina! Great, she was horny and it was all his fault. Damn man.

The smell of his vomit on the floor was beginning to get to her, so she turned to leave, but she just couldn’t get through the door. Her conscience had chimed into her inner dialogue and was telling her that no decent person would just leave the poor guy like this.

Glancing back over her shoulder at him, she could see how weak and shaky he was. His moans were low and sounded like someone was torturing him. God, what or who had happened to get him to the point where this is what he did every night?

Sighing again, this time in resignation, she stepped over the puddle on the floor and wet the last washcloth on the shelf before placing it across the back of his neck. He mumbled something, but she couldn’t make it out. Leaving him briefly, she searched for a linen closet and snagged a clean set of sheets and some towels before remaking the bed. Taking the towels into the bathroom, she turned on the shower.

“You about done puking your guts out?” she asked, grasping his chin and turning his face towards hers.

“Think so” he murmured back, eyes still closed tightly.

“Ok, up you go and into the shower.”

Hauling him to his feet, he almost collapsed on her.

“Whoa, steady there big guy.”

Realizing that he wasn’t in any shape to clean himself up, she stripped him of his soiled clothing before stepping into the stall with him. Might as well kill two birds with one stone and get cleaned up herself too. Quickly shampooing and scrubbing him down first and then herself, she soon turned off the warm spray and proceeded to dry them off. He was still quivering as she led him back to the bed and gently laid him down and tucked the clean linen around him.

She found a mop and cleaned up the floor in the bathroom. Ok, now she’d done her Boy Scout good deeds for the entire month. Dressing efficiently, she was about to leave when he groaned again, and struggled to get out of bed. By his side instantly, she hurried him back to the toilet where he threw up again. This night was never going to end! At least she could take comfort in the fact that it hadn’t ended up on the floor this time. Giving him several minutes to recover, she wiped his face clean and handed him his toothbrush. He managed a few swipes of his teeth before the dry heaves overtook him.

It was over half an hour later before she could haul him back to the bed. Shivers wracked his body so she searched through his dresser and found a pair of sweat pants and a Chicago Blackhawks t-shirt. God help her, she enjoyed having to touch him and wrestle his body into different positions to get him into the clothes and although tempted by his lovely penis, settled for sneaking a quick kiss on his hip bone before tugging his pants up all the way.

Tucking the covers around him she took a deep breath relieved that he finally seemed to have drifted off to sleep when she felt an iron grip on her wrist.

“C’mere” he whispered hoarsely, tugging her onto the mattress next to him.

Still fully dressed and on top of the blankets she relaxed against him, he’d be out in a matter of minutes and then she could slip out. He maneuvered them so that he was spooned up behind her with an arm tossed around her waist possessively, his face embedded in her hair.

“You smell good.”

Internally shaking her head and rolling her eyes while all the various personalities in her mind shouted in chorus...MEN!

“Love you.”

Stunned, she froze in place until he was snoring and then extricated herself from his arms and went home taking her cold steak with her.


In the tradition of all drunks everywhere, Jack met God face to face at the great white porcelain throne and God had told him that he’d sent this angel just for him. So Jack, with his soul torn wide open from the death of his son, was drawn to her like a man lost in the desert is to water. He knew without a doubt that he would not survive without her, that she was the beacon sent to light the way out of the pit he’d fallen into.

Before, he’d always ridiculed the men he’d known that could fall for a pretty face so easily; meet them one month, say they’d fallen in love at first sight and then marry them the next month, knowing absolutely nothing about the woman they’d just promised to share the rest of their lives with. He’d known Sara since high school and he hadn’t been sure he was ready to get married even after he’d graduated from the Air Force Academy but since it was the next logical step...he did it.

Now it was like he’d run head first into a brick wall labeled ‘love at first sight’. She was his own personal angel with a face full of beauty and a heart full of kindness. Who else but an angel would do what she’d done for him. Sara certainly never had. Had never wiped his face when he’d come back from Iraq a completely different man than the one who’d left. A man trying desperately to pretend to be the same as he was before. He’d used the only way he’d known how to blot out the nightmares that came those first few months. He’d drunken himself into a stupor every night after Charlie had gone to bed. And Sara had just looked at him with confusion and disappointment before closing the bathroom door and shutting him in by himself. What he’d needed was this angel who was with him now.

After Charlie’s death, he’d been even more destitute but he blamed himself too much to try and turn to Sara again, so he retreated deep within himself. To the place he’d had to make while they were torturing him in the prison camp. Jack O’Neill disappeared and in his place was left a shell of a man drifting without an anchor.

In his alcoholic haze an epiphany came to him. He’d been left alone too many times before so he had to say it, was compelled to tell her so that she would know that it was ok to stay, that she didn’t have to leave him alone. So he said it. He said that he loved her.

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Sam wasn’t horny anymore. Jack’s drunken words were like a bucket of ice water effectively dousing any residual flames of arousal. ‘He loved her’? Just how drunk was he? Maybe he was thinking of someone else, yeah that had to be it. He had been thinking about someone else.

She changed into a pair of pajamas and slipped between the sheets of her bed. Sighing deeply, she tried to relax. But her mind kept replaying the evening. Why, oh why had she gone to Murphy’s? She should have just grabbed a burger. Her stomach growled at the thought of food. Crap, she hadn’t even gotten to eat her steak! She’d just put it in the fridge and went straight to bed since it was so late, and she hadn’t been feeling all that hungry what with all the puking she’d dealt with. Flopping onto her other side, she tried to get comfortable.

She should never have sat down at his table. She could have fended off the unwanted advances around the bar for another ten minutes. It wouldn’t have killed her.

And she should definitely never, ever have offered to drive him home! Was she a complete moron? What on earth had possessed her to actually volunteer to drive some drunken stranger home?

She’d felt how strong he was in the elevator. Being held in his embrace that way had been like being gripped by a velvet-wrapped vise. He’d chosen to be gentle with her, because even in his inebriated state, she realized he could easily have taken whatever he wanted despite her training in hand-to-hand combat. He’d started to take control beside the bed. It was only by luck that he hadn’t been willing to immediately press the issue and then of course her change of heart hadn’t made it necessary for him to. Oh GOD! She was a complete and utter idiot. The danger she’d put herself into! She rolled onto her back staring through the darkness at her ceiling.

What was it with her and her attraction to the damaged, deranged and degenerate segment of the male population? Weren’t there any normal, decent, average guys out there? Guys that could make her get all quivery and shoot off fireworks inside her stomach without the allure of being on parole, having tattoos, or being such adrenalin junkies that they volunteered for every dangerous, secretive military operation that came along?

Clenching the sheets in her fists, she unconsciously shook her head. She was a sick pervert; there was just no other explanation for her behavior. It was exactly because of actions like this that she’d sworn off of men. Then she’d met Jonas. At first he’d seemed to be just another Air Force officer; patriotic, decent, worthy of her love...and then she’d found out the truth. She’d been stunned to find out about his Black Ops missions in the past and had tried to ignore the doubts that had niggled her brain as she started noticing how controlling of her actions he’d become. They’d actually had a fight about her orders to come to Colorado. He backed off when she threatened to break up with him. She should have seen the infidelity coming.

Kicking off the covers angrily, she turned her head and stared at the glowing lights of her alarm clock. She was never going to get to sleep. Damn all men to HELL! Especially those in uniforms!

Twisting onto her stomach, she buried her face in her pillow and yelled, kicking her legs in frustration. The friction of the sheets against her pelvis suddenly made the sensitivity of certain parts all too apparent. Crap, she WAS still horny.

Lying there for what seemed like hours, images of the evening continued to flash through her brain despite her attempts to squash them. Her body reacted instinctively to the memories of him touching her with his hands, his lips, and the sound of him inhaling her scent. She had to consciously pull her hand from between her legs more than once. Raking her hands through her hair released the scent of his shampoo. That was it! She jumped out of bed, tearing her nightclothes off and practically ran to her shower. Scrubbing every inch of skin with her own soap until it was red, she washed away...him. The beating of the water on her breasts made them ache for his hands. God he had great hands with long, slender fingers. Wondering if he’d ever been a musician, she remembered how they’d felt on her back, gripping her ass, teasing her breast.

Her breath caught in her throat as she stroked her suddenly heavy breasts. A tiny moan slipped from between her lips as she slipped one hand down and in between her thighs. Shifting position so the stream of water drummed against a nipple she shivered as the multiple sensations overtook her. Oh fuck it all! It wasn’t worth the effort to fight it anymore. Giving in to her libido, she released the hand-held shower head from the wall and sat on the edge of the tub. Might as well do this quickly and efficiently, maybe then she could fall asleep.

She cranked up the heat of the water until it was almost scalding and adjusted the spray until two needle-like streams spurted out from the shower head. That done, she spread her legs wide and used her free hand to expose her clit. With one jet of water hitting that tiny bundle of nerves and the other slightly penetrating her vagina, she fanned the water back and forth stimulating and then allowing her body to recover briefly. Unable to stop herself, she pictured Jack’s face. When he’d first looked at her at the bar. God, even then she’d registered that he was handsome. Then up close and personal in the elevator, his voice whispering in her ear. Her body twitched violently. His tongue in her mouth, the look on his face as he gazed up at her from the toilet, the silkiness of his big, beautiful cock as she released it from his pants. It only took a few minutes of such enticing fuel to bring her to her first orgasm. Lights flashed against her eyelids as she lost herself, dragging it out longer by keeping the water in play.

When she was able to control the convulsing of her hips, she forced herself to stop moaning. Oh god. Taking a deep, shaky breath to steady her frazzled nerves, she debated on continuing. Minutely shrugging a shoulder, she decided she might as well make sure she could go to sleep. Waiting until she counted to sixty before she blasted her hypersensitive body again she came again almost immediately. This time a shriek was wrenched from her lips. Panting hard and with her heart nearly beating out of her chest, she smacked at the faucet handle shutting it off, and let the shower head drop from her hand and bang against the tile.

With shaking legs, she stepped out of the tub and wrapped a towel around her body before stumbling to her bed and falling onto it. Barely having the wits to pull up the covers, she finally slept completely unaware that the sky outside was beginning to lighten.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jack buried his head under his pillow to escape the beams of sunlight that streamed across the head of his bed. The movement only made his head hurt worse. After the pounding abated, he realized that what had woken him wasn’t the sunshine, but the persistent buzzing of his alarm. He’d set it for noon before leaving for the bar yesterday. Smacking it off, he lurched to a sitting position. It was penance time.

Ignoring his roiling stomach and the jackhammer in his head, he stumbled blindly to the bathroom and peed. Making his way to the second bedroom that he’d set up as his gym, he took a deep breath for control before easing himself onto the floor to do sit-ups. He’d managed twenty-five reps before he jumped up and bolted to the bathroom to vomit. With shaky hands, he rinsed his mouth out. Ok, maybe the sit-ups were a touch too masochistic at this particular moment. Walking slowly and in complete control, he went and retrieved a water bottle from the refrigerator before returning to his own private torture chamber. Push-ups, then free weights, both much safer exercises for his sensitive stomach. After five miles on the treadmill, he could smell the whiskey dripping from his body through his pores. Then back to the crunches. He managed to reach two hundred this time before collapsing back onto the floor, his chest heaving as he tried to inhale great gulps of air. Once his heart rate was close to normal, he guzzled the remainder of the water before starting the punishing regimen all over again.

His muscles ached and quivered as he staggered his way to the shower where he made quick work of sudsing up and rinsing off before letting the steaming hot water ease some of the soreness from his body. Drying off and dressing in jeans and a t-shirt, he returned to the bathroom to shave. Refusing to look into his own bloodshot eyes, he mechanically scraped the razor across his face. Trying to keep his gaze averted, he glanced down briefly. His hand froze as his eyes returned to the wastebasket sitting in between the vanity and the toilet. Bending over to peer more closely at the debris he felt a sense of shock reverberate through his body. Why the hell was there a used condom in his trash?

He searched his memories frantically, seeking information that could answer the questions flitting though his brain. Son of a bitch! Just how drunk had he been last night? And who the hell had he brought home and fucked?

He absentmindedly finished shaving as he wracked his brain for details. A face, a name....he remembered nothing. He vaguely recalled...white feathers. What the hell had happened last night?

Sighing, he focused on the last thing he did remember, Leah bringing him the bottle. There were good sides and bad sides to expensive liquor. Quicker hangover recovery time, but damn the stuff did exactly what he wanted it to do. Obliterated old memories temporarily, and prevented new ones from even forming.
Narrowing his eyes, he gazed around the small room, noticing the faint odor of bleach. Surely, as drunk as he’d been he had to have been sick and he couldn’t have made it to the bathroom under his own steam. He walked back into the bedroom intent on finding anything out of place. He saw the condom wrapper on the nightstand along with several intact ones and swore profusely. Apparently they’d planned on enjoying themselves quite a bit last night.

Continuing to look around the room, he lifted the hamper lid to throw his sweaty work out clothes inside and saw the soiled sheets and his clothes from last night covered in what suspiciously looked liked puke and semen. Grimacing, he had a bad feeling that he hadn’t made a very good impression on whoever it was that he’d brought home.

Seeing a glint sparkle from halfway under the covers that he kicked to the floor earlier, he bent over and picked up the almost empty bottle of Campbeltown. No wonder he couldn’t remember anything, he’d nearly drank the whole damn bottle!

Unscrewing the top, he allowed himself a tiny sip before setting it down next to the unused condoms. Stretching out on the bed, with the burn of liquid easing his tension, his mind puzzled over what kind of woman would come home with him for a one night stand, stay to take care of him but not spend the night? Starting to doze off, he saw a fuzzy, indistinguishable flash of a woman’s face. He struggled to bring it into focus, his face contorting in his attempts, but the harder he tried, the more it eluded him.

Awakening from his fitful nap precisely thirty minutes before the time he was supposed to go to Murphy’s, he brushed his teeth before looking out his kitchen window into the parking lot and realizing his truck wasn’t there. He called a cab before snagging his car keys and leather jacket and taking the elevator downstairs to wait for it.

He ordered a burger and beer from Jan who said Leah had called in sick. Jan hadn’t seen who he’d gone home with but said that she would ask the other girls if they knew. He just gave her a nod along with a gruff ‘thanks’ before devoting his attention to his beer. His questions would just have to wait.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Sam’s feet kicked at the covers restlessly, moaning in her sleep. She was hot, so damn hot! And it was all because of him. The logical part of her brain registered that she was locked in a dream but it refused to rescue her from the claws dragging her deeper and deeper into the delusion.

They were in the elevator again, him leaning heavily against the solid wall, her relaxing into him willingly as his hands kneaded her butt. She arched her back grinding her hips into his hardness. Running her hands up and under his shirt, she licked her lips at the incongruity of his scratchy body hair and the soft skin covering his six-pack abs. His hooded eyes saw her movement and he leaned forward to capture her full mouth with his. With teeth and tongue he ravished her mouth sending her pulse racing and her mind reeling from his onslaught.

His hands weren’t still. They tugged and pulled at her jeans making the seam of unyielding fabric rub in between her folds, stimulating her clit. Moisture quickly saturated the cloth of her panties and the wetness eased the burning caused by the friction of his actions.

Her body twitched uncontrollably with every pass of the denim, her skin pebbled from goose bumps as he moved his mouth to the juncture of her shoulder and neck. Unable to remain still, she thrust her hips against his, matching the rhythm of his hands.

“How can you do this to me...make me respond so quickly?” she panted in between gasps of desperately needed oxygen.

“Easy, I just have to combine techniques. Besides, sex is always better when it’s with someone you love.”

Suddenly his grip tightened, pulling the fabric taut against her sensitive nub, and then with his free hand he grabbed her hair, tugging her head back to reveal the hollow at the top of her sternum. His lips latched onto that delicate skin, sucking it into his mouth fiercely. Crying his name loudly she....woke herself up.

Bolting upright, she shook her head, trying to clear her mind and distinguish fantasy from reality.

“Goddammit!” she swore loudly as she became aware of the state of her body.

She flopped back into her pillow that was soaked from her sweat. Her sheets were wet too, as were her pajamas. Great, she needed another shower! A slight draft made her shiver, aggravating her arousal. Pulling the damp covers around her tighter, she closed her eyes. Why was she still obsessing about that damn drunk?

Her mind played over the last few snippets of the dream making her snort. Wow. Great pillow talk there Sam. Of course, his wasn’t perfect either, at least she had that to be grateful for....combine techniques indeed, talk about smug....wait. Combine techniques? MOTHER OF GOD! That was it! COMBINE TECHNIQUES!

Sam jumped out of bed and hurriedly threw on the first clean clothes her hands landed on before running out the door, her mind racing through the minutia of changes that needed be made to make a viable power source for the artifact.

Late Saturday afternoon she startled the personnel on duty as her yells of excitement echoed up and down the hallways of the SGC.

“IT WORKED!” she whooped in joy as she jumped up and down with the lab tech that’d drawn the short straw to work the weekend.

Collapsing into her chair, her hair mussed from repeatedly running her fingers through it, her eyes bloodshot from staring at the computer screen for hours on end, and with a bandage on the smashed tip of her right pinky finger thanks to Sgt Siler dropping his wrench at an inopportune moment, she picked up the phone to call General West.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Sunday morning, Sam tried desperately to remain calm during the briefing as she explained to the General, Catherine and the other scientists exactly how she’d gotten the object to power up and that they were ready to attempt using her computer program to initiate manipulation of the ring.

“It was actually so simple! We just needed to combine a variety of the superconductor metals to be able to...”

“Ahem...thank you Captain Carter. I think we get the point,” interrupted General West.

The group reconvened in the control room and Sam anxiously typed in the command codes for the commencement of the exercise. All seemed to go well at first, the device spun and a few of the figures locked into position before it noisily deactivated.

After receiving assurances that the computer program could run endless variations automatically, General West ordered Sam to fly to DC in the morning to update the Pentagon on their progress.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The only answer Jack got from the waitresses on Saturday night was that it was ‘some blonde’ that none of them had ever seen before. It wasn’t enough information to jog his memory so he’d have to wait until tomorrow when hopefully Leah would be able to make it back into work. He kept a slow and steady pace with the beer, alternating the bottles with cups of coffee. He even managed to stuff down dessert and so stayed semi-sober enough to think that he was fine to drive himself home. Luckily he made it without doing something stupid like killing himself or anyone else and just reached his bed before passing out.


XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Sunday afternoon, Sam leaned against her apartment door exhausted and elated. Ok, so the dialing program hadn’t really worked, well, not enough to actually make the device do whatever it was supposed to do, but the power source had worked! She sighed heavily as the tension from the last two years seemed to drain from her body. This was something worth celebrating over!

Despite the fact that she hadn’t slept since yesterday morning, she just knew there was no way she was going to be able to go to sleep anytime soon. Her growling stomach interrupted her train of thought. Ooh, steak! Murphy’s steak!

She headed to the fridge and pulled out the take out container. Opening it up, the smile slid off of her face. Ugh. Its contents were not very appetizing! Didn’t she deserve a hot-off-the-grill steak? Yes, she did. Shoving her qualms aside about returning to the restaurant, she reasoned with herself that the Sunday night crowd shouldn’t be too terrible, at least not as bad as it was the rest of the weekend. And if she were to consent to have drinks with some guy, it wasn’t like she was going go home with him...been there, done that, learned her lesson! The word of the day was celebrate! Well, tamely anyway. She did have an 0645hrs plane to catch to DC.

Showering and changing into a spaghetti-strap violet dress that ended just above her knees and heels, she took care applying her make up and hair products. Making sure to put her diamond stud earrings in, she slipped a matching calf-length cashmere cardigan on. Well, she WAS celebrating and the Indian summer days had a bad habit of turning chilly once the sun went down. She called a cab since she planned on drinking alcohol and waited until she saw it arrive before heading downstairs.

Walking through the doors of the restaurant, she paused nervously, glancing towards the booth where she’d seen Jack that night. Thank god it was empty. The bar wasn’t crowded yet, but there were several people milling about drinking. Sam sat down at a table close enough to observe the ongoing games of pool making sure to face the pool tables and keep her back to the rest of the room. She ordered her steak and a Long Island Ice Tea made with diet cola, her favorite alcoholic beverage. One or two of these heavy duty drinks and she would be set for the night. Just as she was about to take her first bite of her dinner salad, a man slid into the seat across from her.

“Hi.”

“Uh, hi,” she responded, her fork hovering between her mouth and her salad bowl.

“My name is...”

“No, thanks anyway,” she interrupted him.

“Ooo-kaay,” he said as he got up and left.

She’d managed to get two bites down when another guy made it halfway into the chair, “No. Thanks anyway.”

He blinked at her and left with a shrug of his shoulders.

Five bites later. “NO! I’m trying to EAT.”

After that they left her alone. The rest of her meal came and she dug into it with fervor. She was starving and the steak was to die for. She considered ordering another, but thought about how far she’d have to run in order to work off the extra calories. It just wasn’t worth it. She hated to run. Any other exercise she enjoyed. She just didn’t like running. Probably because her dad had made her join the track team in all three of the schools she’d attended during her Jr. and Sr. High years. And of course running was a daily event at the Academy. Running sucked.

She did however order a huge slice of chocolate cake and another Tea but had to push the last half of the dessert away when she felt like she was about to burst.

Leaning back from the table, she sipped the last of her drink while her eyes surveyed the meat market on display in front of her. She watched the guys playing pool and finally snagged the attention of a twenty-something blonde stud. After he finished his game, he sauntered over to her table.

“Hey, you wanna play?” he asked.

“Sure,” she said as she got up and joined him.

“I’m Tim.”

“Samantha”

He grinned at her as she took off her sweater and set it and her purse on a stool in the corner by the cue stand before she retrieved a cue stick.

“Ladies first,” he smiled, gesturing towards the table.

“Ok, thanks.”

They’d already started drawing attention when she’d walked up to the table, but when she hiked her skirt up a few inches so that she could widen her stance to break, she suddenly had a rapt audience of men.

Practically flashing the men she was facing and almost mooning the ones behind her, she made her first shot, sinking three balls on the break. Attention perked up even more, and bets were quietly made. She rounded the table, her mind analyzing and discarding shots until she found the one that suited her. She hiked her skirt again and stretched across the table inwardly smirking at the air being sucked in around her and the quiet curses floating in the background. Whack! Two more balls landed in a pocket. She floated to the other side, posed and sent another ball flying exactly where she wanted it and set up her next shot perfectly.

Feeling completely in control she smugly lined up the shot. Aware of all the men watching her, she glanced up, prepared to dole out a sweet as sugar smile only to look straight into the eyes of Jack, who was staring at her from across the room. Startled, she froze momentarily until the contact was broken by someone walking in between their field of vision. Dragging her eyes back to the cue ball, she took a deep breath to steady her suddenly racing heart and took the shot. The white ball skittered crazily across the table hitting the ball next to the one she’d aimed at and bouncing harmlessly against the table edge missing the pocket by a mile.

“Aw, so close! I thought you were gonna nail that shot,” Tim said as he stepped up next to her and laid a hand on the small of her back briefly.

Smiling at him, still trying to slow her pounding heart she teased, “Yeah, me too.”

Sliding his hand off slowly, he shifted into a position to shoot while Sam moved back out of the way.

Keeping her eyes glued on Tim, she studiously ignored the other side of the restaurant.

Tim played rather well and she barely beat him. By the end of their first game, she’d successfully quelled the nervousness that had sprung up when she’d realized that Jack was watching her.

Nodding her head in response to another guy’s invitation to play against him, she chanced a glance in the direction of Jack’s booth. He was scowling into his beer and not paying any attention to her. A twinge of irritation flooded through her. God, the damn man didn’t even have the decency to approach her. A little gratitude for the other night wasn’t too much to ask for was it?

This time, she let…Bob…break. Narrowing her focus on the game, she pounced on his first mistake and demolished him quickly.

The third guy didn’t even bother to give her his name. He just smiled wolfishly at her and she returned it by raking him from head to toe with a heated look. Her flirtatious persona was back in full swing and she put on quite a show.

Game number four came and the men were now lining up and arguing amongst themselves on who was going to get to play against her next. Unbeknownst to Sam, it turned into a ‘whoever beats her gets to take her home’ contest.

She broke this time and didn’t even let the guy get in one shot. That made some of the guys back off, content to watch her shred someone else’s ego.

After game five, in which she actually had to make an effort to win, she begged off. The alcohol had made a beeline straight for her bladder. Smiling and promising not to be gone too long, she grabbed her belongings and headed towards the bathroom, hesitating only a second when it hit her that she’d have to go past Jack’s booth.

Schooling her face into a blank mask, she waltzed past him but was able to see out of the corner of her eye that he didn’t even bother to look up. Her face melted into a scowl. Damn man.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


Sunday at noon had found Jack with bleary eyes, shaking hands and soaked with sweat when the harsh ringing of his alarm clock wrenched him from a not-so-sound sleep. His nightmares had been interspersed with dreams of his son in heaven and blue-eyed angels taking care of him. The raging hard-on he was sporting surely didn’t have anything to do with his unexplainable yet intense longing to be bitten.

Making his way to his own personal torture chamber, he punished himself zealously on the machines. Before his body even had a chance to recover from the ordeal he picked up the phone to call Sara.

“Hello?”

“It’s me,” he said softly.

The silence weighed heavily between them; finally he cleared his throat and asked, “Is it ok if I come over for a bit tomorrow?”

He could almost hear the wheels turning in her head as she searched for an excuse to refuse his request.

“I…just…I just want to spend some time with…in…Charlie’s room,” he stuttered out.

“I’ll be home after five,” she finally replied.

“Thank you, I’ll see you then,” barely getting the words out before she hung up.

He sighed deeply. She hated him. But that was ok, because he hated him.

He returned the receiver to its cradle and lay back onto his bed. Five o’clock didn’t give him much time in his son’s room if he was going to be at Murphy’s at his normal time. A single tear found its way from underneath the lids of his tightly closed eyes. Wondering if he would have the strength to resist the lure of alcohol in favor of his painful memories, he berated himself for ruining all of their lives so completely.

The life-shattering sound of the gunshot woke him from yet another nightmare and he sat up shivering uncontrollably. His stomach felt like it was tied up in knots. Trying to get his body under control, he took a scalding hot shower, intent on purging the vestiges of his dream from his mind. Checking the clock and seeing that it was almost time for him to be at Murphy’s, he bolted from his pathetic apartment anxious to soften the hard edges of his misery.

He’d only been seated for a few minutes when Leah came by. He ordered a double shot of whiskey and a beer chaser. She silently nodded and left to get it. Staring down at the scarred and pocked tabletop, he sat there trying to come up with what he was going to say to his wife when he saw her tomorrow.

Leah soon returned with his drinks and he forced himself to sip the whiskey instead of downing it instantly. Trying to distract himself, he glanced around the room, registering the regulars and sizing up the newcomers. He noticed that something was going on over by the pool tables but until there was a break in the crowd over in that area couldn’t see what was causing the stir.

Then as if he’d ordered them to, the milling people dispersed and he saw what the big deal was. A beautiful blonde was decimating one of the young hot shots. He could tell instantly that she wasn’t the bar-hopping type. She was too fresh, too wholesome-looking, too…gorgeous. The women who persistently hung out in bars had a certain…hardness to them. This woman…didn’t. He almost smirked at the show she was putting on for the men who were there on the prowl. They’d bought it hook, line, and sinker. Impressed at her ability to render the bars’ male population incapacitated, he watched in amusement, happy for the distraction she was providing him from his morbid thoughts.

Certain that he’d never even seen her before; he had the distinct feeling that he somehow knew her. He watched her as she deftly played the game with an ease that screamed her proficiency. He was still staring at her when she lined up for a shot facing him. He could almost see down her entire dress and his body responded instantly to the temptation. Oh god, her lingerie matched her dress, the dark violet emphasizing the paleness of her skin. He had to swallow.

Suddenly, as if she could feel his eyes boring into her, she glanced up, a radiant smile lighting up her face. Blue eyes stared into brown as she immediately froze. He could have literally growled when their locked gaze was destroyed by someone walking across in between them because when that person had passed, she’d looked away and was lost to him. Keeping his eyes on her, he could feel in his gut that she had recognized him. He racked his brain. Just who the hell was she?

Giving up on trying to remain sober, he guzzled his beer and when Leah brought him a fresh one, he told her to keep them coming and asked her about the woman.

“Who’s she?” he asked, pointing at her with his chin.

“You told me you knew her Friday night!” she huffed indignantly.

“What?”

“Jack, she’s the one who took you home because you both said you lived in the same building.” she said in half-exasperation, half-concern.

“Oh, yeah,” he lied, nodding his head absently as he tried to remember. He’d forgotten all about Friday night again. Oh yeah, the cleaned-up-my-puke girl. Oh fuck! The condom-girl! HER? His eyes swiveled back to her as she beat another young punk. God, she was letting them touch her! A twinge of possessiveness arched through him. Why the hell was she out there trolling? Maybe he’d misjudged her; maybe she wasn’t such a saint. Maybe she was just like all these other women.

Anger and the beer he kept pouring down his throat started his stomach churning as he continued to watch her toy with the other men. Finally he saw her lay down the pool stick and gather up her belongings. He quickly looked down at the fresh bottle of beer Leah had just left him. For some reason he couldn’t fathom his heart ached even more than before he’d arrived. Was she leaving? Was she leaving with someone? Was she leaving with someone besides him? Mere seconds later he felt her approach, his heart beat rapidly as he heard her footsteps through the noise of the room. Oh god, she was coming to him.

Unable to lift his eyes to greet her, his heart suddenly dropped into his belly as she walked right past him, sending a wave of vanilla-scented air his way. It was her! He remembered that smell; her smell.

Why hadn’t she stopped? Why was she ignoring him? She wasn’t the type…

‘You don’t know what kind of a woman she is,’ he told himself sternly.

‘Yes I do,’ he argued, ‘she’s my angel!’

And suddenly the fuzzy memories of Friday night came flooding back.

His face turned alternately white then red in embarrassment, then paled again as he relived that night. Oh god, he’d been a complete ass! No wonder she didn’t even want to speak to him. No wonder she was out…looking for…company. She was probably trying to do anything to erase that night from her mind. How could he have done that to her? She’d been so kind, so wonderful. God, she really was an angel! And he was just a fucked-up old bastard.

Completely submerged in his own mind, he almost missed the fact that the guy she’d played against first had walked by him towards the bathrooms as well. For some reason it struck him as odd so with a last gulp of beer, he headed after him.

The sight that greeted his eyes in the secluded hallway made him come unglued. The guy had the blonde pinned up against the wall with his hands and mouth all over her. She wasn’t fighting him hard, but she was trying to squirm out of his embrace.

“Tim, stop! Not like this…” she got out before Tim suddenly wasn’t there anymore.

Jack had grabbed him by the collar and yanked him off and had him against the other wall. ‘The lady said no’ and ‘hands off’ flashed through his head, but the only word that he was able to growl out was “MINE!” before he shoved the younger man down the hallway and back towards the restaurant.

Tim opened his mouth to argue, but getting a good look at the wildness in the obviously drunk guy’s eyes, thought better of it and just uttered, “later,” to Sam and got out of the line of fire quickly.

Sam stared at Jack’s back as he watched Tim run away. She managed to wipe the relief off of her face and replace it with disdain by the time he turned around to her.

“Mine?” she mimicked sarcastically. “Really, Jack, you couldn’t come up with anything better than ‘mine’?”

He didn’t answer, but just stepped towards her, pressing her up against the wall in the same position Tim had forced her into. Locking his eyes ferociously to hers for almost a full minute, he finally whispered, “mine” before barely brushing his lips against hers.

He felt her struggle not to melt into him, felt her fight for control of her own body. Shoving his thigh between her legs and pressing his chest into her torso effectively pinned her down to where all she could do was hit him. Grasping her wrists, he held them with one hand above her head to put a halt to even that minimal defiance. He could feel more than hear her whimper as she realized the power he held over her.

His free hand made its way from her neck over her breast and belly to her thigh where he slipped it underneath her dress. Her gasp gave him the perfect opportunity to slip his tongue into her mouth and press his advantage as his fingers stroked her through the flimsy silk fabric of her panties.

Maintaining his gentle assault, he didn’t give her the time to recoup her resistance to his mouth and hand but batted down every attempt she made to resurface from the waves of desire that were swamping her senses.

Finally, sensing his victory, he pulled back and stated quietly but firmly, “Mine!”

With glazed over eyes, she forced herself to snarl at him unable to form coherent words at that particular moment.

Grabbing her wrist, he tugged her towards the kitchen and out the back door. When they got to his truck, he opened the door and spat out menacingly when she shook her head at him, “You either get in or I’ll put you in!”

Hesitating only briefly, she glared at him before she got in and put on her seatbelt as he went around to the driver’s side. As soon as he shut the door, he reached over and shoved her sweater and purse onto the floorboard before unbuckling her, despite her attempts to protest. Then he just yanked her across the leather seat to his side, before throwing his right arm around her and holding her against him. He tucked his hand underneath her armpit so that his fingers could stroke the side of her breast.

Using his left hand, he laid her hand high on his leg and cranked the engine. Before he even had a chance to put the truck in gear, his eyes almost rolled back in his head as her fingers squeezed his thigh forcefully. Pressing a quick kiss to her temple, he pulled out of the parking lot and headed towards home.

The look on his face when they got in the elevator had her half terrified and half ecstatic at what he was going to do to her once they got to his apartment. She could only shiver and clutch her belongings tightly in anticipation because of the iron grip he kept on her arm, refusing to let her get more than a few inches away. Gone was the helpless drunk from Friday night and in his place was a man in command. The one she’d suspected was there all along. He was controlling, dominating, frightening even and her stomach was doing somersaults from the intense desire he evoked in her.

As soon as his front door clicked shut, she turned towards him, ready to verbally challenge his Neanderthal behavior, but he just picked her up and threw her over his shoulder and took her into the bedroom as she kicked, squirmed and cursed at him.

“Strip!” he ordered once he’d kicked the bedroom door closed, locked it and set her down.

“Fuck you!” she yelled at him, shaking her head to reinforce the fact that there was no way she was going to obey him.

Grabbing her by the throat he shoved her against the door. “That is exactly what you wanted to do tonight isn’t it? Fuck somebody? Well, here’s your chance! Now, do you WANT me to rip that dress off of you?” he snarled into her face.

In response, she dropped her chin and her weight, breaking his hold around her neck. Kicking him in the knee and shoving him backwards while he was off balance, she escaped his reach and moved instantly towards the center of the room to put a few feet of distance between them.

He recovered quickly and stalked her like a predator as she circled around, staying just out of reach. Reigning in the feral smile that threatened to spread across his face as he registered just how much their struggled for dominance was turning her on, he taunted her by taking off his shirt. He couldn’t resist a quick smirk as her eyes dropped to his chest and her breathing hitched. She was toast and she didn’t even know it yet!

Unbuckling his belt and then undoing the button and zipper of his jeans, he left them hanging open as he continued to stalk after her. She licked her lips. He toed off his shoes next, kicking them at her and making her dodge out of the way and closer to the mattress.

Seeing an opening as her eyes darted down to his groin, he closed the gap between them and grabbed her arms loosely. She looked back up at his eyes warily. He quirked an eyebrow at her and said with an all-knowing smirk, “strip”.

Chewing her lip in indecision, she hesitated a moment glancing at the door and then at his lips. With an impending premonition that she was about to do something so stupid that she might never be able to recover from it, she quit fighting him and surrendered to the need she’d endured since last Friday night.

“You do it,” she breathed.

He felt the instant she gave in all the way to his bones. Closing his eyes momentarily as a wave of love mixed with lust flooded his empty and no-longer-needed heart, he paused only a second before ripping the thin fabric from her body.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The sound of the tearing fabric was like a bolt of lightening down her spine and her body arched in response. The concession that she was a damn pervert flitted through her hormone-clouded brain. It must have something to do with the fact that she actually thrived in the military; that being told what to do was somehow ingrained even into her sexuality. She was completely and utterly depraved. There were psychiatric diagnoses about people like her, she knew because she’d Googled it.

She just stood submissively as he undid her bra and then shoved her wet panties off none too gently. God help her, the rougher he got, the more turned on she became.

Jack’s eyes were blazing with desire as he pushed her onto the low mattress and stared down at her perfect body. He didn’t think he could get any harder, but when he saw the evidence of her arousal dripping down her legs, he realized that he was so very, very wrong.

Carefully, so as not to injure the part of his anatomy that he was about to use, he finally removed his pants and underwear and stood before her, proud of his physique and almost challenging her to find fault with him.

From Sam’s viewpoint he was male incarnate. Wondering how he stayed so fit given his binge drinking, she reveled in the beauty of his body. But it was more than just physical attraction between them. She felt something...more. Some connection that joined them since the first moment they’d met. If he’d just been some pretty face, a body to use and discard, she wouldn’t have been thinking about him nonstop...even through her work in the mountain, she admitted to herself. She’d been disappointed to know that she couldn’t ever share with him the fact that his comment during her dream was what had led her to success.

Shivering as it sank in that what she had so desired for the past two days was finally going to be hers, she scooted back amongst the rumpled bedding to the wall that did double duty as his headboard and licked her lips again as she waited for him to make his next move.

She didn’t have to wait long as he knelt on the edge of the bed and leaned over to slip off the heels she was still wearing. Gasping as he bit and then sucked her toes into his oh-so-hot and wet mouth, her hips bucked when he released them only to growl, “Mine!”

Slowly he made his way up her body, claiming each new bit of skin or joint he touched with a bold “mine”.

First, were the toes on her other foot, then the arches, then her ankles, calves and knees. Thinking she was going to explode when he reached her thighs, she couldn’t keep still even when he ordered her to. Lifting up one leg at a time he marked the back of each knee and each ass cheek before returning to the front side of her body. He had to lay his forearm across her pelvis to keep her from launching herself at him after he breathed, “This is SO mine!” across her mound and then moved on to her hip bone without even touching her where she so desperately wanted him to.

Her face was contorted from the exquisite torture he doled out methodically and she sunk her hands into his hair, reveling that its silky length provided some sort of tactile relief for her. God, she wanted to feel him inside of her, needed him to be, craved their joining like an addictive drug.

Jack found each of her ribs. Biting and sucking his way along each ridge, her nipples were hard and protruding long before he reached the underside of her breasts, his continuous murmurs of “mine” becoming a chanted mantra.

Not caring that he was leaving evidence of his dominance over every single inch of her body, Jack wasn’t gentle as he turned his attention to her breasts. When his teeth pressed down extra hard, her scream obliterated his claim of ownership over her flawless rack. After spending quite some time at her breasts, he finally moved on down one arm, taking care to suck on each of her ten digits before moving up her other arm and shoulder to her neck

For some reason he couldn’t explain, he was drawn to her neck above all the other places on her body that he’d handled. Maybe it was because this was where he’d first touched her skin with his lips on the night they’d met. Maybe it was because her throbbing pulse, which was so strong that he could see it, called out to him. Maybe because to his tired and damaged heart her neck felt like home. A home from which he’d been gone for so long that it didn’t seem possible that he could ever be there again and then all of a sudden, with her he was there feeling safe and loved and finally in control again. He buried his face in the niche between her ear and her shoulder and breathed deeply, inhaling her unique scent. His pulse started to slow down from the insane rate it had been pounding out.

How did she know that being so very female to his alpha maleness, submissive to his domination, was exactly what he needed to feel whole again? She knew because she was his angel. One with a slightly twisted halo at the moment, but an angel sent to him none the less. Not caring that it might seem irreverent to others, he sent a silent prayer of thanks up towards heaven for her having been sent his way.

With a quiet sigh, he left the place that seemed to be made just for him to devour her luscious lips. Oh god. They were so full and soft and...she was mewling from need into his mouth. He could spend a lifetime here and never get tired. Slanting his mouth across her, he drove his tongue in and out, drawing hers into a duel with his. Latching onto her bottom lip with his teeth, he backed away taking it with him and forcing her to follow his lead as he maneuvered them so his back was to the wall and she was sitting on his lap.

When he finally let go, she forced her heavy eyelids open and tried to comprehend what he was telling her, she irrevocably got the point when he shoved her face towards his dick.

Wetting her lips, she leaned forward until her mouth hovered over his large bobbing cock. Bracing her hands on his thighs, she stuck out her tongue and swiped a lick across the head. Umm; she’d wanted to do that since she’d first seen him soft and flaccid in the bathroom.
Treating him like he was a lollipop, she licked up and down his length, swirling her tongue and closing her lips around him, sucking like there was no tomorrow. She didn’t even mind when he pushed her head down further embedding himself in her throat. She felt a thrill of pride rush through her after she swallowed, making her muscles contract around him and eliciting a shudder and groan from him. She slowly let him slide out of her mouth and started nibbling down the underside of his dick, raking her teeth across the wide protruding vein. He almost lost it when she snuffled her nose into his testicles before mapping out their ridges with her tongue.

The phone ringing on the floor next to the bed distracted her from her exploration for a moment, but his hands tangled in her tresses didn’t let her stop for long as he urged her to continue. The answering machine with its mechanical voice urging the caller to leave a message at the beep startled her and with one last lick that took in his entire length she sat upright and paused to catch her breath.

“Jack? Are you there? Um, well, I needed to switch shifts with one of the other girls so she could take her...son...to a doctor’s appointment so...I mean, why don’t you come over for lunch tomorrow honey...um, Jack? There’s...uh...some stuff we need to talk over. So...uh...I’ll expect you at noon. Oh, if you can’t come then, just give me a call in the morning, ok? Ok. Well, I’ll see you tomorrow then. Bye.”

There was a brief moment of silence as the machine whirred off.

“Honey? That better not have been your girlfriend!” she teased softly.

“Nah, it was my wife,” he said before he could stop himself.

Her body went rigid and her eyes bored into his face as his own eyes popped open as he realized what he’d said. Oh holy fuck.

“Divorced?” she dead panned, and saw by the look on his face that they weren’t.

“I can expl...” he tried to answer, but she just made a curt hand motion interrupting him and removed herself from the bed swiftly while he just leaned back against the wall, and buried his face in his hands. She stood there, waiting until he finally dropped his hands down and looked up at her.

“You bastard! You toyed with me...PLAYED with me!” she said in a scathing voice gesturing to her nude body with her free hand, the marks he’d made already beginning to show against her pale, freckled skin. “How COULD you?” Her horror and humiliation finally cracking through the blank mask she’d put on. And with that she scooped up what remained of her clothing that she’d worn that night and stomped to the door pausing only to unlock it.

“But it wasn’t...I didn’t....I love you!” he whispered.

She turned around and strode back to the bed and for a moment he thought she was going to let him explain. He didn’t even see the right hook that nearly took his jaw off.

“Don’t you EVER say that to me again! You don’t have the right to say that to me!” she hissed viciously.

Slamming his bedroom door behind her she walked over to where she’d dropped her sweater and purse and wrapped the long cardigan around her before storming out of the front door and stomping barefooted down the hallway to her own apartment. She managed to get inside and throw the deadbolt before the tears started. Leaning back against the door she sank onto the floor and wept as her heart shattered. Why or how his betrayal had the ability to destroy her she couldn’t fathom. She just knew that it did. She would never be the same again. With every sob she damned him to hell.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jack was still seeing stars when his front door slammed shut. He cringed and curled up into a ball feeling like he was going to be sick. What had he DONE? Christ, she was gone, and no matter what he did, she would never come back. His angel, his...goddammit, he didn’t even know her NAME!

He jumped up and ran to the bathroom and retched into the toilet. As soon as his stomach was empty he fell to the cold floor. Lying there shivering and with tears flowing down his face, he came to a decision. He’d ruined enough lives. Dragging himself from the tile, he walked like a zombie to his nightstand and opened the bottom drawer. Pulling out his service pistol, he checked to make sure it was loaded. He placed it under his pillow and lay down on top of it. Tomorrow...after he’d said goodbye to Sara and Charlie; they deserved that at least. The rest of the night he stayed in that same position, staring up at the ceiling and begging for forgiveness from the powers that be for the damage he’d caused to every one he knew. After tomorrow he’d never have the chance to do something so stupid again.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

He left his denim shirt unbuttoned and loose to hide the weapon tucked into his jeans at the small of his back as he headed to the house he used to call home. He didn’t smile when Sara let him in, but followed her quietly to the kitchen where she’d made soup and sandwiches for them to eat.

He choked down the food, not hungry, but unwilling to do anything too suspicious and draw unwanted attention to his plans. She didn’t expect him to be talkative but was grateful that he only nodded his head to let her know that he’d heard her tell him that she’d filed for a divorce the week she’d kicked him out.

“I didn’t want it to be a shock when the papers arrive in the mail in a few months.”

“It’s ok. I understand,” he replied woodenly. “I’d like to go upstairs now if you don’t mind.”

She shook her head in disappointment as he left the room, leaving her to clear the lunch dishes and food. He was the same old Jack, so wrapped up in himself that he didn’t give a thought to what anyone else felt or wished. She’d just finished straightening up and putting the food away when the doorbell rang.

When she opened the door, she saw them, the Air Force officers.

“Mrs. O’Neill?”

“Come on in,” she said defeatedly, leaving the door open and walking back into the kitchen feeling the need for a cigarette to calm her sudden case of jangled nerves. The AF did that to her, shot her nerves all to hell. It was a wonder that she didn’t run screaming into the street every time she saw one of those damn blue uniforms. Strangers in uniforms arriving at your home unexpectedly was never good.

“Mrs. O’Neill, is your husband at home?”

God, how they knew he was there was beyond her. “Yes.”

“Do you think we might be able to speak with him?”

Lighting her lifeline to sanity, she took a long drag before replying, “You can try...”

Jack sat on the edge of Charlie’s bed, his eyes brimming with unshed tears, his hands absently stroking the gun as he stared at pictures of his son. It was fitting that he should go this way; to go the same way Charlie did. Not that he thought he’d end up in heaven with his son. Oh no. He knew he was headed straight for hell. If the years of covert military missions weren’t enough to condemn him to the fiery pit, there was always his failure to protect his one and only child, for God to use against him.

A discreet knocking at the door drew him from his thoughts, and he carefully hid the pistol under the pillow next to him. He’d sat in that position purposefully, so he would have somewhere to hide it in case Sara decided to follow him upstairs.

“Excuse me, Colonel O’Neill? We’re from General West’s office.”

Jack just sat there, refusing to acknowledge them. The Air Force didn’t have any claim on him now. They could just leave, the sooner, the better.

“Sir, we’re here to inform you that you’ve been reactivated.”

Fuck! He should just do it now. Right in front of them; they wouldn’t be able to stop him. But a small part of him resisted. He knew General West; they’d been friends since he’d served under him at McCord AFB in Tacoma, Washington many years ago. The General wouldn’t call him back to active duty unless he had a damn good reason. Some sort of security breach probably, something where he’d have to get his hands dirty again. The General knew what had happened to Charlie and he wouldn’t be sending him out on some joyride, some serious shit had to be going down.

Finally, he nodded his head curtly. One of the men stepped into the room slowly and slid a packet from the folder he carried and laid it down on the bed behind him. “You have a briefing with the General tonight at 2200 in D.C., sir.”

Another nod sent them running for the door.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

She was still breathing, even though every breath she took burned. Her heart was still beating too, although the physical ache she felt with every single thump was like a dagger through her soul. With a final shudder, she stopped crying. Staggering upright by using the door as a crutch, she headed blindly for her room, her eyes stinging every time she blinked from the mascara that had run into them.

Going straight to the bathroom, she turned on the shower and stepped in even before the water was warm. Gone were any vestiges of arousal, gone were the tiny spurts of hope that she’d found someone she might be able to connect with. Bitterness rose like bile in her throat as she recalled Jack’s profession of love. HA! The man wouldn’t know what love was if it bit him on the ass! She allowed herself a tiny spark of satisfaction when the throbbing around her knuckles made itself known as the water heated up. Wincing as she flexed her fingers, she reminded herself that she should put some ice on it.

Oh God, he was MARRIED! The thought rose unbidden and she caught herself before the sob that was forming was able to escape. Get CONTROL of yourself! She’d be damned if she shed one more tear over that lying son of a bitch! That alcoholic sack of shit! Anger was good. Anger was her friend. It always had been. She hadn’t cried at all when she’d found Jonas in bed with what’s-her-name. She’d just yelled at him that it was over and threw his ring at him. She smirked at the memory of a drop of blood that had oozed from his cheek. Too bad it had been too shallow to leave a scar.

She scrubbed herself ruthlessly, removing all traces of his scent on her skin. Refusing to look down at the reddened areas that felt like they were everywhere, she was glad she didn’t have any doctors’ appointments anytime soon. She didn’t feel up to explaining the hundreds of hick...ahem, bruises that would soon be making their appearance.

With her mind in a more...compartmentalized mode, she dried off, dressed and packed her suitcases. Normally, she’d only pack an overnight bag since she fully expected to be back in Colorado Springs after the briefing in D.C. tomorrow afternoon, but there was no way in hell she was ever returning to this apartment. She’d stay in a hotel if she had to rather than come back...here. Gathering up the few personal belongings she’d brought with her, she found herself thankful that most of her stuff was still in storage in Washington. At the time she’d received her orders, she hadn’t known how long this project was going to take and had planned on staying in the Bachelor’s Officers Quarters on base. The company that managed the apartment complex was welcome to the cheap crap she was leaving. Taking a final glance around the apartment, she picked up her luggage and locked the door behind her for the last time.

Making a beeline for the elevator, she didn’t even hesitate as she passed Jack’s door. Jack who? The man didn’t even exist to her anymore.

She drove to the airport and parked in the economy lot before flagging down a shuttle bus to take her to the terminal. Glancing at her watch she saw that she’d only have to wait five hours before she could check in for her flight. Settling into a hard plastic seat that had a view of the airline ticket counter, she arranged her bags so that she could prop her feet up on them and closed her eyes to try and get some sleep.

It eluded her. After an hour and a half of fidgeting uncomfortably, she finally gave up and pulled out her laptop to review her notes and prep for the briefing. If her personal life had gone to hell, her professional one would reap the benefits. Her mind wandered as she wondered what her next duty station would be like. After the hush-hush, intellect-straining endeavor she’d just successfully navigated, anything ordinary would be...well, a let-down. She still had her sights set on NASA and with a glowing recommendation that was bound to be coming from General West, she hoped it would be enough to put her on the short list.

Time eventually passed and she checked-in, whizzed through security and grabbed a giant cup of coffee and Danish before making her way to the cushioned seats at the gate, only another hour to wait before boarding.

The flight was uneventful and with a connection via Chicago it left barely enough time to hug her friend who was letting her stay the night before changing into her uniform and heading off to the Pentagon for the 1300 briefing. She hoped to God that no one looked at her legs, she looked like she’d been bled by leeches and the dancer tights she’d picked up from the store only covered so much. At least she was wearing long sleeves and her shirt was buttoned up to cover her collar bone. Her hair was a bit longer than it should be since she just hadn’t taken the time to get it cut so hopefully that would cover her neck enough.

After she spoke for about thirty minutes, updating the assorted Colonels and Generals on the progress under the mountain, the assembled brass started arguing amongst themselves. Sitting quietly, hoping to escape notice, she almost dozed off in the comfy leather seat until one of them asked for a technical detail, which she provided after a brief moment of panic as she searched her brain. She really needed to get some sleep. The last night she’d had more than a few...disturbed...hours of sleep had been on Thursday, and honestly who was she kidding...she hadn’t slept well since she’d started on this project. It had been just too intriguing.

Her eyes were literally glazing over as the meeting stretched into the fourth hour. Why on earth was she still in there? Why were they? Sighing with relief as finally they agreed on a brief break, she practically ran to the nearest female restroom.

Reluctantly making her way back to the secure conference room, she spied General West’s familiar face. She was saved!

Waiting until he’d finished his conversation with another General, she greeted him with a bright grin.

“I didn’t realize you were going to be here, Sir!”

“Humph, neither did I until a few hours ago, Captain,” he grimaced. “It was not a pleasant trip.”

“I’m sorry to hear that, sir,” she replied sympathetically, those C-130’s were awfully loud. She always ended up with a splitting headache after flying in one.

“It seems that they’ve,” he tilted his head at the milling uniforms, “decided to extend the break for dinner. We have to reconvene at 1900hrs. That’s really not enough time to wrestle with traffic, find a decent restaurant and then wait for a table. Do you feel like joining an old fart like me for dinner in the mess hall?”

“That’s the best offer I’ve had in a really long time, sir!” she declared cheekily, before taking a quick glance around to see if anyone noticed her familiarity.

“Chill, Sammie,” he whispered conspiratorially as he put his hand in the small of her back, and ushered her down the corridor, “everyone has their heads so far up their asses here they don’t notice anything. Besides, it isn’t against the regs to eat dinner with my goddaughter.”

“Then why are we whispering?” she whispered back.

“Because it’s fun!” he chuckled.

It did his heart good to see her roll her eyes at him. Samantha was still far too serious in his opinion. And it was all Jacob’s fault. After his wife passed away, Jacob had totally alienated both of his children. Mark had rebelled and Samantha...well, Sam became the perfect child, desperate to please Jacob despite the fact that he found fault in almost everything she did.

Bill and his wife Martha, being childless themselves, stayed in contact as best they could...despite the gulf created by the tragedy and the separation that life in the Air Force imposed on them. During the summers, before she left for the Academy, Sam stayed with them, wherever they happened to be living at the time. When she was with them, she was like a different girl, happy, loud, outgoing...even mischievous at times. What could he say? She took after him and was nothing like the girl she was whenever they saw her with her father.

At the Academy, she blossomed. She made friends, impressed the professors with her brilliance, and really started to love the Air Force for what it stood for, rather than just using it as another way to try and please Jacob.

He and Martha were proud to stand up with her and pin her rank on at her graduation when Jacob suddenly couldn’t make it. Mark hadn’t either...not wanting to be even in the same state as his father let alone the same room. His heart had ached for his goddaughter that day and he saw the resignation take over her face and knew that she’d finally figured it out that she was never going to win her father over. It was a lesson he’d cursed Jacob out for as soon as he got him on the phone.

When her name had been at the top of the list from which he’d had to pick for this top-secret program, he’d been ecstatic.

Bringing himself out of his memories, he realized that they were in the elevator and saw her unsuccessfully trying to hide an enormous yawn and in the process revealed a giant hickey along the nape of her neck.

“I guess that means you took my advice the other night?” he waggled his eyebrows at her.

He felt her stiffen next to him and draw in a sharp breath.

“I don’t want to talk about it, Uncle Bill” she implored, turning her wide blue eyes to him beseechingly.

He frowned, his concern apparent, but finally nodded his acquiescence to her request. “If you ever do...”

“I won’t!”

Christ, what the hell had happened to her this weekend?

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

After saying good-bye to Charlie and pressing a brief kiss on his picture, he went downstairs. A look was all that was needed with Sara; she just waved her cigarette at him in farewell, her face tight and pinched. Jack had just enough time to stop at the barbershop to get his haircut to regulation length. The weight of the gun pressed heavily on him, more psychologically than physically. The young barber had some music video station playing on the TV, and a song came on that cut him to the core. The DJ said it was by some guy called Gnarls Barkley. The title was fitting. It was called ‘Crazy’ and images of Rorschach inkblots filled the screen.

I remember when, I remember, I remember when I lost my mind
There was something so pleasant about that place...
Even your emotions had an echo in so much space.

And when you’re out there, without care,
Yeah, I was out of touch.
But it wasn’t because I didn’t know enough;
I just knew too much.

Does that make me crazy?
Does that make me crazy?
Does that make me crazy?
Possibly!

And I hope that you are having the time of your life,
But think twice, that’s my only advice.

Come on now, who do you, who do you, who do you, who do you think you are?
Ha, ha, ha, bless your soul,
You really think you’re in control?

Well, I think you’re crazy.
I think you’re crazy.
I think you’re crazy.
Just like me!

My heroes had the heart to lose their lives out on a limb,
And all I remember is thinkin’ I wanna be like them.

Ever since I was little, ever since I was little it looked like fun,
And there’s no coincidence that I’ve come,
And I can die when I’m done!

But maybe I’m crazy?
Maybe you’re crazy?
Maybe we’re crazy?
Probably!

The song was like a sign. And he didn’t believe in those. In his gut he knew that General West had a suicide mission in mind for him. Knew it beyond a shadow of a doubt. Relief flooded him. One last mission, his one last chance to make good. Sara wouldn’t have to be humiliated by her husband killing himself. She would get the VA widow’s benefits and be taken care of. The only prick of guilt remaining was about HER...but there wasn’t anything he could do about that. Any attempt he made to contact her would be shot down. Maybe a letter, before he...left on the mission. At least he’d have tried.

His mind more at ease, he paid the barber and hurried home to change into his uniform and pack before racing over to Peterson to hop an Air Mobility Command flight to Andrews AFB in Maryland. A car was waiting for him on the tarmac. With his overnight bag and briefcase in hand, he was escorted into the bowels of the Pentagon. He’d only been there a few times in his career and he’d hated it every time. The never ending, echoing corridors, people always rushing everywhere, even this late in the evening what personnel were still there were practically scurrying from office to office. It reminded him of a rat’s nest...all busy-ness and nothing but shredded paper to show for it.

His escort took him down a multitude of corridors and he didn’t even bother to keep track. It was so a waste of time. The guy was probably backtracking and taking the long way purposefully trying to disorient him. They’d gone through several security checkpoints when they finally came to a wall of elevators. He stood there staring at the closed doors, waiting numbly for them to open. Finally the bell chimed and they slid apart allowing them to enter.

“Hold the elevator!” a brisk voice commanded.

Jack’s escort quickly punched the ‘door open’ button.

General West came into view and turned towards his companion who remained out of sight, “Later, sweetie” he said playfully, shooting her a wink. He smirked as she rolled her eyes again and tossed him back a half-salute.

Entering the compartment, his face grew serious. The doors whooshed shut as he turned to the man standing rigidly next to him. “Colonel, I was so sorry to hear about your loss.”

“Thank you, Sir,” Jack said smoothly, belying the instant clinching of his heart. “How’s Mrs. West?” he asked, nodding at the elevator door wanting to change the subject quickly.

“Oh, that wasn’t my wife.”

Two stunned faces turned towards him before jerking their eyes back front.

“It was my goddaughter,” he said, holding back the laugh that threatened to erupt from their reaction.

“Ah,” was all Jack could manage. The subject of children, alive, dead or borrowed was not one he wanted to continue.

The General dismissed the escort once they exited the elevator and the two men remained silent until their journey ended in a tiny glass-enclosed room.

Punching a button which tinted the glass to a metallic grey, West waved O’Neill into a chair before slumping down into the one opposite from him.

“You know I wouldn’t ask this of you unless I had to...” Bill said, unlocking his brief case and taking out a thick file.

“I know, Sir.”

“It’s just you’re the only one I can trust to do the job, Jack,” he said, looking him straight in the eye as he slid the papers across the table.

“You can count on me, Bill.”

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Uncle Bill and Sam’s dinner conversation stayed on safe topics and they enjoyed the companionship that they’d missed during the last trying months. It had been hard on both of them learning how to turn on and off the CO and subordinate routine, but somehow they’d muddled through and the camaraderie that they had outside the office as well as their professional relationship seemed to thrive.

Sam really enjoyed working for him. He was a great boss; tough, but fair. And as a godfather, well, she loved him dearly. As she’d matured, she’d realized that Bill and Martha had been her only thread to reality during her teenage years. She didn’t even want to think about how warped she’d be if it hadn’t been for their influence in her life. God knew she had enough scars from her own family to keep her in therapy for years.

After dinner, they made their way back to the stifling room full of self-important wannabe’s where the ‘talks’ continued. Sam was asked to clarify information only two more times before West looked at his watch and saw that it was time for him to go.

“Gentlemen, I’m sorry, but I have another meeting in thirty minutes. Captain, with me,” he announced as he stood up from the table.

Sam followed him gratefully out of the room. Her stomach sinking only slightly as she realized that they hadn’t really escaped, that they were only on their way to another meeting. She tried to stop the yawn that she felt coming but couldn’t.

“God, I think my ass is going to be permanently numb!” West groused, rubbing a hand briskly against his butt. “I’m too old for this shit.”

Sam snickered at him quietly.

“Don’t you dare say one word, young lady!”

She walked along next to him, an innocent look plastered across her face.

“No, sir, I won’t sir. Wouldn’t think of it sir,” she parroted.

“Damn kids, no respect for their elders today,” he mumbled, still walking funny. His ass really had fallen asleep and now it was all tingly...and not in the good way.

After walking for what seemed to be about a mile through the corridors, they came to a checkpoint. Further down the hall were two men walking away from them.

“There’s my next meeting, right on time.” he said, pulling his ID card out quickly. “Sammie, I won’t need you for this one, why don’t you have my driver take you to wherever you’re staying tonight. This might take awhile so he’ll be back in plenty of time for me.”

“Are you sure?” she asked looking at the men he’d gestured to. One of them looked familiar, his walk...sort of like a swagger. Hmm. And the way his uniform stretched across his broad shoulders. She squinted her eyes, as if that would help her recall a name. It must be someone she’d seen down a corridor or something, because she couldn’t quite place him. She stared at the back of his head and then gave the guard her own ID.

“I wouldn’t have offered if I weren’t sure.”

“Well, ok, then. You go on ahead, don’t wait for me, I’ll just take the next elevator,” she said as she saw the two men stop along the hallway.

She followed after him slowly, her mind sorting through options like trying to fit the pieces of a puzzle together. If only the other man would step out of the way, she could see his profile better. Then the doors opened and they were lost to sight.

Uncle Bill called out, “Hold the elevator,” before turning back to her, “Later, sweetie.”

She couldn’t control the fact that her eyes rolled when he winked at her. Honestly, the man had no sense of propriety. He was a General, she was a Captain and they were in the Pentagon. She snapped off a smart-ass salute. Oh god, he was contagious.

It didn’t hit her until she was standing alone in the elevator who the man sort of looked like. Then it slammed into her like a ton of bricks and she instantly puked up her partially digested dinner. Wiping her mouth with the back of her hand, she stepped out over the mess she’d made and walked out of the building into the cold fall night. Away from the man who reminded her of the one who no longer existed for her. Yeah right, even just thinking about him sent her into a panic. She needed to get a grip. The entire drive home, she sat silently in the back seat, her emotions firmly under control. Grateful that her friend was already asleep, she made out the sofa bed and covered her face with the pillow and let go.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Two weeks later found Sam and General West still stuck in Washington. Catherine had finally managed to bring in a young archeologist by the name of Jackson who actually deciphered the cover stone. The information revealed had the brass in a tizzy. All she did was sit in on boring meetings and put out fires when some computer program went down or a power grid blew and someone from the mountain called her in a panic in the middle of the night; usually Meyers, the idiot. It was murder trying to figure out the problems from the descriptions she was getting from her team over the phone. So she begged General West to let her go back to Colorado, but he was adamant that he needed her there with him.

When the call came through that Dr. Jackson thought he’d solved the mystery of the cartouche, Sam immediately started loading up her briefcase in preparation to leave with the others. That is, until she was summoned into West’s office.

“But Sir, I’ve EARNED this! I’m the one who came up with the power system to make the device work! I’m the one who configured the dialing program; I created the tracking program for the probe! What if something goes wrong or malfunctions? I NEED to be there. I mean no disrespect Sir, but you CANNOT leave me behind on this!”

“I can and I WILL, Captain,” he snapped at her before standing abruptly from his chair and walked around the desk to where she was still standing stiffly, almost in a position of attention.

“You hold more knowledge than any other single person in the country about this project, Captain, and I cannot afford to jeopardize the entire mission just because you want to go on an adventure.”

Her body trembled visibly and he was unsure if it was from anger or the hurt he knew she was feeling.

Standing almost inappropriately close to her, he closed his eyes briefly in guilt. He knew her well enough to know that this might damage their relationship for good. The only thing in her life that had remained steadfast since her mother died was her dream of traveling to the stars. And to her, he’d just crushed that chance, stomped on it, and hurled it so far away from her that it was disappearing like smoke in the wind.

“Please understand Sammie,” he whispered hoarsely. “If this works...if it’s real...and we have to send a team through that...thing...we don’t know what will happen. I don’t know if they’ll make it back, or...be captured or injured by some alien creature...and I won’t....I CAN’T lose you like that. Don’t ask me to give the order that could take you away from me...please, Sammie, you’re the only daughter Martha and I have.” His voice pleaded with her to grasp his dilemma.

He thought he’d gotten through to her as she blinked slowly and took a deep breath, but when she asked, “Will there be anything else, General?” her voice as cold as ice, he felt his heart break.

“No, that will be all,” he answered quietly.

Without so much as a single glance in his direction, Sam stepped back and saluted his desk before pivoting and walking calmly out of his office.

This damn Stargate better be worth the havoc it was wreaking he thought, as he stared down at the paperweight sitting on his desk. She’d made it for him out of old parts the summer she’d helped him rebuild his 1954 DeSoto Adventurer. Well, wasn’t that name ironic. He hefted the weight briefly before he did something stupid, something so childish that he was ashamed afterwards. He turned and threw it as hard as he could, shattering a picture that was hanging in the line of fire and making a sizeable dent in the wall. First, he was going to lose his friend Jack by ordering him to go, and now he was going to lose his surrogate daughter Samantha because he’d ordered her to stay. God, he hated himself. This mission had better be worth its weight in...Plutonium!

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jack sat at his desk inside the lower levels of the Cheyenne Complex. Spilling out of the trash can next to him were balls of wadded up paper. At first, he hadn’t known what to say, and then he’d started to say too much. He scrubbed his hands through his spiked hair in frustration. He just needed to apologize, just a short, simple, truthful note. That’s all. He scribbled away feverishly before stuffing the paper in an envelope and sealing it.

His pen hovered over the empty space. Frowning in concentration, he tried desperately to remember her name. He’d talked to some of the neighbors, but no one seemed to even remember her. The management company wouldn’t release any personal information about a tenant so he was stuck with his hazy memory. Did it start with an F? Felicia? No that was all wrong. S maybe? S sounded right...Susie? Sarah? Hell, no. Sylvia, Sharon, Sally, Shelly? No, more...exotic...Simone, Stephanie, Sierra? Hmm, that was closer but not quite right. Maybe it was Sabrina, Samantha, or Savannah? Yeah, her name started with an S and ended with an A. Well, those last three were the closest-sounding, but he couldn’t very well write all of them down. Giving up in frustration he settled for scrawling a large ‘S’ on the outside of the envelope.

The intercom beeped and let him know that the group from DC was ensconced in the conference room. Shoving the letter into his coat pocket, he hurried to the meeting and slipped in just after it started, making sure to close the door behind him.

Dr. Jackson’s fumbling was almost amusing and he glanced at General West to share the moment with him as he stuck a cigarette in his mouth. The General however, wasn’t amused; he was in a more serious frame of mind than he usually was. As well he should be. As should they all.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

“He did it!” Catherine marveled with a slight smile.

“No, that symbol isn’t anywhere on the device!” Dr. Meyers protested.

“Uh, what device?” questioned Dr. Jackson.

West looked at O’Neill, silently asking his opinion. Jack just waved his hand, ‘why not’. After all, the brilliant archeologist had managed to figure out just about everything without even having all the facts.

“Show him,” the General ordered Kawalsky.

“Yes, sir.”

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

When West gave the go ahead for the trial run, Jack’s gut was a roiling mess despite his outward calm. God help them all if it worked.

As they reviewed the data retrieved from the probe, he remained silent, not daring to hold on to hope that they were actually going to go through with it after the negative remarks made by the General. And then Dr. Jackson chirped up.

“Well, I could do that.”

Suddenly the young man had every one’s attention.

“Are you sure?”

“Positive,” Daniel replied nodding his head for emphasis.

Jack slowly turned away from him and looked at the General. Remain calm; don’t let them see how desperately you need this mission. Play it off. Act cool.

“Your call,” he shrugged at West, walking away before anyone could tell that his body was suddenly throbbing with adrenalin.

“You’re on the team,” West said reluctantly.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jack handed two envelopes to his aide, “Mail these in the event that I don’t make it back,” he ordered.

“Yessir,” was the stuttered reply.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Samantha gladly sat in a chair along the wall rather than at the table where the mission was being broadcast via speaker phone. She wouldn’t be able to hold it together if she were sitting there, the object of everyone’s pity and curiosity. None of the men in the room believed for an instant the reason General West had given for why she’d remained behind. Not going through the ‘Stargate’ was one thing, after all she was a female and this was a possible combat mission, but to be left in D.C., when practically every technological thing in that complex had been created by her, made gossip and speculation run rampant.

“They made it through successfully! The gate is now deactivated.” came over the speaker. Cheers erupted around the room.

Great. History in the making. She got up and left the room for the mess hall since there were several hours to wait until the team was scheduled to check-in.

Shoving her tray away she looked down at the food she’d picked at. What a waste of time, she wasn’t hungry. What she really wanted was a drink, a big shot of tequila...or vodka. That was about the only thing she could think of that would make her feel any better at this moment in her life. If she could only forget these past few weeks. Boy, had she been dumb to think that figuring out the last piece of the puzzle to get the power up and running would cement her career. It had cemented it all right, right to the bottom of the Potomac.

No message came to recall her back to the secured room when the hour came for the team to report in. Concerned she dialed Catherine directly. At least she would tell her what was going on.

Catherine told her that they hadn’t had any contact yet with the team. Knowing that something must have gone wrong, Sam started spouting off things to check, diagnostics to run, and voiced her opinion that she should be out there but Catherine hushed her.

“It’s taken care of dear.”

“You too?” came the hurt question.

“Don’t be too hard on him, dear. There are some things parents...even godparents, shouldn’t have to do.”

Catherine had known exactly what General West had done the minute she saw him arrive and had asked him where Samantha was. She was gifted in reading people, but anyone with half a brain could see it written all over his face.

“You know he only did it because he loves you.”

With a deep bitterness Sam replied, “I’m beginning to think love is highly overrated. All it’s done for me lately is cause more problems. And what the hell is up with the fact that he’s willing to risk everyone else’s life, including his own, but not mine? I’m an officer in the goddamn Air Force. It’s my sworn DUTY to risk my life to protect our country. And oh, what a bang-up job I’m doing from way over here!”

Catherine paused a few moments to give Sam time to regain some control before she answered, “Just don’t take too long to forgive him, dear.”

“I can’t promise anything, Catherine. And, I should probably go.”

“Good-bye Samantha. I promise I’ll call if there’s anything we need you for.”

Sam just mumbled a good-bye back and hung up the phone. Glancing at the clock she saw that it was only 1600hrs. Fuck it. She didn’t have to report to anyone but General West and he obviously didn’t care where she was except that it wasn’t anywhere near Colorado Springs. Aliens for god’s sake; he’d actually said he was afraid that she might be captured by aliens. Grabbing her cover in disgust, she left the office and headed for home.

Home currently was at a friend of a friend’s place. An Army Captain’s place actually. Captain Andrew Hayes. As luck would have it, his other roommate, Major Donna Dupre was moving out next week. She had orders to Ft. Hua-something out in Arizona. They were both in Military Intelligence. Scary, but hey, beggars can’t be choosers. Right now the apartment was pretty cramped, with boxes all over the place as Donna packed to leave. Sam was bunking out on the couch but the room she was getting was primo D.C. real estate. It was worth every bit of the current discomfort she was experiencing and the fact that she’d have a male roommate. That hadn’t thrilled her, but again...beggars and all that. It was supposed to have been temporary, but given the fact that she was now a persona non grata in Colorado, it might be a bit more permanent. At least until she could request a transfer. Yeah, fat chance of that given she was ‘the one person in the country with all the knowledge of the project’.

She’d been soaking in a hot bath for almost forty-five minutes, when she heard the front door open.

“Sam? Hey Sam, are you home?”

Great.

“Yeah, I’m in the bath...” she started to say, but was interrupted as he opened the door.

“Oh, hey, here you are.”

“Dammit, Andrew, I thought I told you to knock and then WAIT till I said it was ok to come in.”

“Yeah, but then I wouldn’t get to sneak a peek at your sexy body,” he teased.

“God save me from MEN!” she practically shouted.

“Hey, there’s no reason to get your panties in a bunch, I was just gonna ask if you wanted to join Donna and me for drinks tonight. Some of the other grunts from work are going to be there, sort of a send off for her.”

“Actually, a drink sounds perfect.”

“Great!” his face lit up, “we’re just going to a bar, there’s a small dance floor if you’re into that, but you can dress as casual or dressy as you want...anything pretty much goes there.”

“Ok,” She responded, waiting for him to exit the room. But he didn’t.

“Get OUT Andrew!”

“Aw come on, Sam, you ain’t got nothin’ I ain’t seen before darlin’,” he smiled sexily at her.

“Rent money or sex?”

“Wha..aat?” he stuttered as she stood up, water streaming down her body.

“I asked rent money or sex, which do you want?”

Sighing heavily, he answered, “Damn Sam, what kind of kink are you into girl?”

She glanced down to see the faint marks still evident all over her body. Shit, she’d forgotten all about them.

“Well?” she asked as she stepped out of the tub.

“All right, point taken,” he said, stepping back as she advanced towards him. “Rent.”

“Glad we could come to an agreement; I’d hate to have to start looking for another apartment,” she said before closing the door in his face.

As Andrew drove them to the bar later, he acted the same as always. That was good. She was afraid there might be some awkwardness between them because of what had happened earlier, apparently not.

She almost swallowed her tongue when he pulled up across the street of the bar they were meeting everyone else at. Wouldn’t you know...it was called Murphy’s. When they went inside she was relieved to see that it didn’t look anything like...the other place. It was a simple bar, with no pool tables but it did have a tiny dance floor with a jukebox.

Sam was introduced to ‘the gang’, but she didn’t even try to remember anyone’s name. Several of the guys approached her to dance, but she just told them, ‘later’. First she wanted to get nice and buzzed, just a bit, enough to dim the lights so to speak.

About an hour later she made it to just the right level of intoxication. Not so far gone that she was loopy, but far enough so that she almost didn’t give a damn about anything.

She finally agreed to dance with one of the guys; it was a nice slow song. Then another song came on and her partner changed. She didn’t really care who she was with or what song it was, it was just nice to be moving...touching...and not thinking.

Andrew kept an eye on her, a bit concerned by her behavior. He hadn’t known her long, but the way she was acting didn’t seem like the Samantha Carter that he’d met just a week or so ago.

Taking it upon himself to help her out, he cut in to dance with her. He didn’t think she even realized that it was him dancing with her. As the song ended and another one came on, he refused to give her up to another guy.

“She’s done for the night, buddy. Go find someone else.”

He heard her gasp into his shoulder, and gently pulled her face back to see what the matter was. There were tears in her eyes.

“What is it Sam?” he asked.

“This damn song,” she quivered out.

It was ‘Misery’, the duet by Pink and Steven Tyler. One of the saddest, blues-style songs he’d heard in a long while. The light bulb blinked on. A man was to blame. He listened intently, trying to deduce from the words if there was anything he could do for her.

Shadows are falling all over town,
Another night and these blues got me down.
Oh misery, I sure could use some company.
Since he’s been gone I ain’t been the same,
I carry the weight like an old ball and chain.
Guess it’s all meant to be, for love to cause me misery.

Oh misery, oh misery!
Tell me why does my heart make a fool of me?
Seems it’s my destiny for love to cause me misery.

And oh I’ve been down this road before,
When the passion, it turned into pain.
And each time I saw love walk out the door,
I swore I’d never get caught again!
But ain’t it true, it takes what it takes.
And sometimes, we get too smart, too late.
One more heartache for me, another night in misery!

Oh misery, Oh misery!
Tell me, why does my heart make a fool out of me?
Misery, misery!
Tell me, why...why...why...why...why...why does this heart make a fool out of me?
Seems it’s my destiny for love to cause misery!
Yes it’s all meant be,
For love to cause me misery...misery!

As the song ended, she grabbed him by the hand and dragged him over to the jukebox and then stuck out her hand when they got there. “Money!” she demanded.

“All I have is a five,” he said.

“That’ll do.”

Amused, he pulled the money out of his pocket and laid it in her outstretched palm. Immediately she fed the money into the machine. She punched the code for the ‘Misery’ song in three times before he was able to stop her.

“Dammit, Sam, you can’t play the same song over and over. Do you want to get kicked out?”

He quickly pushed some random buttons until the money was used up and pulled her back onto the dance floor.

They had to dance through two more songs before the ‘Misery’ one came on again. He’d tried to get her to step over to the bar for another drink, but she refused. When she threatened to find another partner, he gave in and stayed out there swaying with her.

By the end of the second time through the song, the other patrons were looking a little disgruntled, several of them glancing their way as Sam quietly sobbed into his shirt. He just smiled apologetically at those who happened to catch his eye while he rubbed her back and pressed his cheek on the top of her head trying to provide some comfort.

By the third go around, the bartender was sending him dirty looks. Great, he’d probably get barred for life.

Finally it was over. He told her that he was taking her home and she just meekly followed him. He kissed Donna and said good-bye to the others who thankfully hadn’t been paying a whole lot of attention to him and Sam. He imagined that some artistically creative tales were going to be started tonight, but that couldn’t be helped.

As soon as they got in the apartment, Sam shoved him up against the door and kissed him fiercely.

“Hold on there, girl,” he pushed her off enough to say, “I thought we agreed on the rent money?”

“Please, Andrew, I don’t want to think tonight.”

“Sam, this is a mistake and you’ll regret it in the morning,” he said as he grasped her arms and forced her away. Her face crumpled and if he hadn’t been holding her she would have fallen to the floor.

“Come on,” he urged, tugging her to his bedroom.

Sitting her down on the bed, he rifled through his drawers and found a large t-shirt and a pair of boxers. Tossing them into her lap, he said, “put these on”.

She stripped out of her clothes and put on what he’d given her. He stepped out of his jeans and pulled off his shirt.

He got into bed, and pulled the covers back on the side she was standing on. “Well, get in,” he told her.

Once she was safely ensconced in his arms, her head lying on his chest he began to speak.

“I know that we told you that Donna and I work in MI, but we didn’t mention that we work in PsyOps. Now we usually don’t ever tell anyone ‘cause all it does is freak people out. And I need to apologize for the bathroom stunt today. It can be awkward between male and female roommates and I was just trying to see where your boundaries were.”

Chuckling just a little, he continued, “You certainly put me in my place. I wasn’t really expecting...that response. But Sam, even if I weren’t a psychiatrist, which I am by the way...I could figure out that something...or someone has totally, well, to put it in laymen’s terms, royally screwed you up. And I just want you to know that if you need to talk, about anything, I’m here. Not that this...” he waved a hand at them lying in the bed, “is usually how I conduct a therapy session, but you should know that anything you tell me would be held in the strictest confidence. You know doctor-patient confidentiality and all that.”

“Well, scratch that...because I just totally creeped myself out with the whole, ‘therapy session in bed with a half-naked, beautiful woman’ so how about we pretend that I’m just an ordinary roommate, just someone who you stay up late to share secrets with, someone who promises to keep those secrets. Whaddya think?”

Silence filled the room until he thought that he could hear their heartbeats. But he still waited patiently, hoping that she would take the olive branch he offered, because he was positive that she needed to talk to someone.

She turned her head and looked into his green eyes for a long moment, searching for something. He just looked back steadily trying to let her see that he was trustworthy.

Finally she tucked her head back down, opened her mouth and out poured the whole sordid, nasty, bitter, twisted tale. One revelation led to another and soon she was telling him not only her troubles of the last month with Jack and her work, but of her entire life. Her mother, her father, the brother she never saw, Jonas and his betrayal, the struggle of working in the good ole boys club, and the decimation of her dream. She didn’t get into specifics about the Stargate, but she did talk about the strain of working on a classified project and being tossed aside just when she should have been reaping the rewards of her blood, sweat and tears.

He didn’t interrupt her at all, just let her share, and talk, and reveal, and talk. It was almost dawn when she finally stopped. A deep shaky breath was his signal.

“Well fuck girl! It’s a wonder you haven’t gone postal!”

She snorted and then started giggling at him. “I thought you said you were a psychiatrist. That isn’t a therapeutic response!”

“Tonight...or rather this morning, I’m just a plain old roommate, and besides, it wasn’t supposed to be therapeutic. It was empathetic.”

“Oh, ok. Gotcha!” she mocked him as she continued to giggle.

When her chuckles died out, he asked, “so you aren’t going to find out what Jack wanted to explain?”

“No,” she practically hissed.

“Why not? I mean, even if they weren’t divorced, they were obviously separated. And you’ve got to admit, alcohol was definitely affecting the feelings and behaviors you both were acting on.

She gritted her teeth, but nodded her head reluctantly.

“So, he said he loved you?”

“He was drunk both times he said it.”

“That doesn’t mean he didn’t mean it. It wasn’t like he was in the throes of sex when he said it, then I’d agree that it might be suspect.”

“Why are you...focusing on Jack?”

“Because YOU are. You’ve made him the pivotal point of your carefully constructed house of cards. It wasn’t till after you met him that your life started spiraling out of control.”

“Not all of that was my fault.”

“I’m not saying it was. I’m just saying that denying that you are in love with him is what is ripping your precious control right out of your hands.”

“I am not in love with him!”

“Yes. You are.”

“No!” she shook her head in denial.

“Sam...”

“I’m not! I...oh god, I can’t be. He’s married...he’s a drunk...he...scares me! I barely know the man...I don’t even know his last name!”

“Your feelings scare you, not him. And someone who’s coming out of a marriage that wasn’t able to work isn’t worthy of love? Someone who’s addicted to alcohol doesn’t need someone to love them? There is such a thing as love at first sight you know.”

She heaved a giant sigh.

“Say it, Sam. I want to hear you say it!”

Silence.

“Sam, you NEED to say it; for yourself.”

More silence.

And yet more silence. Andrew opened his mouth to implore her again, when he heard her say in a tiny, little voice.

“I’m in love with Jack.”

“Even though he’s still married?”

“Yes” she said, still using that quiet small voice.

“Even though he drinks too much?”

“Yes.”

“Even though you’ve only known him for about two seconds?”

“Yes,” she sobbed.

He kissed the top of her head and stroked his hand through her hair as her tears ran down his chest, and he wondered when was the last time anyone had just held her like this, if anyone ever had. And then he had tears in his own eyes before they were quickly dried as a spark of anger surged in him. God, her father had really done a number on her. It was a miracle that she’d turned out the way she had. And that reminded him of his next topic.

When the tears subsided he asked, “What about your Uncle Bill.”

“Oh Andrew, can’t we only cover one fucked up relationship a day?”

“Does he love you?”

“Yes, of course.”

“And he was only trying to protect you with his decision?”

“Yes, Andrew.”

“But you’re still pissed off at him?”

“It’s more than that. He wouldn’t let me do my job. He embarrassed me professionally after I’ve had to work so hard to get to where I am. You’re military. You get it, don’t you?”

“Yes, I do, but Sam do you get that you’re the closest thing he has to a child? To his and your aunt’s minds you ARE their child. And he’s probably extra protective of you given the...reaction your father had to your mother’s death. He couldn’t protect you from those things, but it was in his power to do so now, so he did it without even thinking about the work consequences. And be honest, has he really destroyed your career? Or are you just embarrassed because you think everyone else thinks he’s treating you differently because of your personal relationship with him?”

She lay there, stunned as she realized what he said was true.

“Damn. You’re good.”

“You should call him sometime today. Let him know he’s off the hook.”

She reached up and placed a light kiss on his lips.

“Oh don’t go and get me all riled up again, I just made you confess you’re in love with another man so I know we’ll never have sex now.” He groaned.

“Perv!” she teased as she smacked him on the chest.

“Look who’s talking!”

“Hey!” she huffed, feigning indignation.

“Oh to be a fly on the wall...”

“All right, I take it back, you are SO not good. You’re horrible!”

“Argh...dagger...in...my...heart....” he choked out falling off the pillow and releasing her from his embrace as he held his hands to his chest pantomiming being stabbed.

“Idiot!” she laughed at him.

He grinned back. Session over.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jack sat coughing in the cave with the others, his eyes wide open as the adrenalin from the fighting still coursed through his veins. He took in the young men, children really, that were celebrating and crowing over the small victory. They were just babies!

“Here, Colonel,” said Kawalsky excitedly, the rush of the battle still showing in his face as he handed Jack a bowl of water. “So what do you think? They’re not exactly Special Forces, but they sure were eager to join up!”

“Take these guns away Lieutenant,” he growled ripping them from the boys’ hands, “before they hurt themselves!” and tossing them at Kawalsky’s feet.

“Sir?” a mixture of puzzlement and hurt spread across Kawalsky’s face.

“You heard me, send’em all home!” Jack responded, keeping his eyes downcast.

“There’s no place for these kids to go,” Charlie implored. “Anyway, we sure could use their help right now.”

“FOR WHAT?” O’Neill shouted. “Huh? TO DO WHAT?” his voice cracked as he stared at his 2IC wildly until he couldn’t stand it any more and had to drop his gaze to the dirt at his feet. He was so close to losing it. Control, he needed to stay in control for just a while longer. So he forced himself to rein in his emotions one last time.

Suddenly, Daniel’s quiet voice penetrated the silence following Jack’s outburst.

“Why don’t you just tell them everything?”

Jack’s eyes shot up to Daniel’s.

“Why don’t you just tell them about the bomb?”

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jack sat alone in the cave, in the same place he’d been sitting for the past hour staring at the small fire in front of him. ‘Well, O’Neill, you certainly haven’t lost your knack for clearing a room, have you?’ he thought as the ghost of his former sense of humor returned to haunt him. It was a wonder what two weeks being booze-free and the cold reality of being in a battle zone made one able to do again. He heard Dr. Jackson’s boots scuffing along the rock as he came down to the opened area.

“You’d accepted the fact that no matter what happened you would not be going home? Don’t you have people who care about you? Do you have a family?”

“I had a family,” Jack said, and then paused before continuing, “no one should ever have to outlive their own child.”

“I don’t want to die, your men don’t want to die, and these people here don’t want to die. It’s a shame you’re in such a hurry to.” Daniel half-begged, half-accused him.

Daniel turned away from him as Skaara approached.

Jack looked at the young man who inexplicably reminded him of his son. He didn’t know how. It wasn’t that they looked alike; they weren’t even that close in age. Skaara really was a young man, not a boy like Charlie had been. But there was something about his mannerisms, his wide-eyed curiosity, and yes, his hero-worship that drew Jack to his innocence like a moth to a flame. Skaara looked at Jack with the same idolization that Charlie had.

Swallowing the lump in his throat he nodded his thanks for what Skaara had given him and received a bright smile in return before the boy disappeared after Daniel, leaving Jack to his thoughts once more.

Before this mission, he’d been relieved that General West had given him this opportunity, the chance to go far, far away from the place that had caused him so much pain. But he hadn’t anticipated these people. The team was supposed to have gone back already; they weren’t supposed to have to suffer the consequences that he’d accepted without batting an eye.

The responsibility of all these lives weighed heavily on his shoulders; all these innocent lives. If he thought he couldn’t live with the guilt of even indirectly causing the death of his son, how would he survive knowing that he’d pulled the trigger to put thousands to death? He almost choked on the bile that rose to his mouth. He couldn’t do that. He couldn’t be the one to hurt these simple, guiltless people who had taken them in and offered them hospitality and shelter. The ones who had hidden them from Ra without thought to the consequences that would befall them.

For the first time in months, without the inebriating effects of alcohol, he was finally feeling something. Yes, the awful, horrible desperation was still there. The mind-numbing loss and grief, but there was also hope and the realization that there were still some good things out there in this world...or his world...well, both of these worlds. That sounded weird.

Somehow, despite his fighting like crazy to keep his walls up, Skaara and Daniel had burrowed a hole right through all the brick and mortar and made the world make sense again. And he couldn’t forget the one who’d dug out the first layers, Sa...damn. It was right there on the tip of his tongue.

His head slumped, his chin pressing into his chest as sorrow overtook him that he wouldn’t ever get to know her name.

Then his head shot up and his eyes opened wide. He wouldn’t ever know her name if he didn’t make it home. But if...somehow...?

The guilt in his heart lifted as if the sun was burning away a patch of fog. He could do it. Protect the Abydonians, get his team home, and find her. He could find his angel and then, who knew, but at least he wouldn’t have given up.

And just like that the switch that had been flipped in the desert of Iraq was reset in the desert of an alien planet millions of light years away from home.

Home; maybe there was a chance that he could have a home again. Not with Sara, no. He’d hurt her too much, they’d grown too far apart to be able to ever come back together like they once had been. And there was just too much water...it wouldn’t be able to fit under the bridge...matter of fact it had wiped the bridge away into oblivion.

But maybe he could have a home with another blonde woman who’d come into his life so unexpectedly. The angel who, despite seeing him at the lowest point in his life, had opted to give him a second chance before he’d screwed that up too. And she hadn’t really turned away from him; she’d just been hurt by his stupidity. Maybe, with his act cleaned up...just maybe she’d give him a third chance; if he could find her.

With his resolve strengthened, his mind shifted into battle mode.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

“You’re sure about this? Jack questioned Daniel.

Daniel looked back at the woman he loved and then looked back at Jack. The expression on his face screaming ‘DUH’, but he just responded with a smile and a “yes” before asking a question of his own.

“Are you going to be ok?”

A smile, the first one Daniel had seen, spread across Jack’s face, “Yeah, I think I am.” And then he stepped through the shimmering vertical puddle.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

A few weeks later and Jack was done with the mission debriefings. Paperwork was finalized and General West had authorized his retirement. Again. Thankful that the medical quarantine was over, he was happy once again to breathe in the fresh Colorado air, feel the wind, see the sun. Although it happened to be setting by the time he got through the last minute paperwork and meetings and stepped out of the elevator and headed towards his truck.

As soon as he reached his apartment, he placed a call to one of his buddies who’d retired a few years ago and had since been working as a realtor. His request was simple. Find me a house.

He gave him his cell number and let him know that he was going to be up north at his cabin for a while.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It’d been two months since the Stargate had been activated and she’d been interned in DC. Uncle Bill, in the guise of General West, hadn’t reversed his insistence that she stay as far away from the mountain as possible and it frustrated her to no end to attempt to calibrate and run diagnostics from miles away. Not that her team was a bunch of incompetents, but the daily minutia that had to be processed through them made her feel like it was the blind leading the blind. Simple things that she could have analyzed in a matter of minutes, sometimes took hours or days to work out because the information was being filtered through someone else’s eyes. It was beyond maddening.

She’d pored over all the mission reports, gleaning every drop of information she could from the first hand experience of the men who made it back from the mission. Most helpful were the reports submitted by one Colonel Jonathan O’Neill. His files were almost a work of beauty. Concise, yet packed with pertinent details. He’d apparently been keeping tabs on everything since the moment he’d walked onto the base. Literally everything was covered, from the facility security, which he found to be severely inadequate, to the recommendation that the civilian staff be replaced with AF personnel and everything in between. His technical information about the physiological effects of ‘gate travel’ was extremely interesting and his insight into the psychological reactions of everyone involved both before and after the activation of the Stargate was thorough and revealing. She’d tried to speak with him several times but always managed to miss him due to one reason or another, which really wasn’t all that surprising given how many people wanted to examine, interrogate, or otherwise clamp their greedy fingers onto any of the ones who made the trip. To be honest if she had to make a choice on whether to talk to an insistent General or a pipsqueak Captain, she knew who she would choose. And now he was gone. West had approved his retirement before she’d even had a chance to pick his brain. So she went through his mission files with a fine tooth comb, memorizing details to the extent that she had dreams about the mission with his voice, or what she thought of as his voice, narrating.

But today she was hoping all that would change. Today the General was officially retiring and the change of command ceremony was about to take place. She hoped that this was going to be her chance to convince the new General, a man by the name of Hammond, that she actually needed to be on site in order to fulfill her duties adequately. She only knew of Hammond by name and reputation. He apparently knew her father; they’d attended some conferences together. All she really knew was that the Air Force was a damn small world.

So she stood in formation, saluted when she was supposed to, clapped when it was appropriate and ate a piece of cake when it was handed out. When it was time, she walked up and welcomed General Hammond to the command and asked if it would be possible to meet with him tomorrow. He told her to check with his aide for a free moment in his schedule in the morning. She thanked him and moved on to introduce herself and speak a few words of pleasantries with Mrs. Hammond.

West observed their interaction and drew the other General aside for a few moments.

“George, I want you to promise me something.”

“If it’s in my power Bill, you have it.”

“If there is ever another mission through the...device, Captain Carter goes.”

Hammond looked at West carefully before answering, “If the situation arises during my command, you have my word that she will.”

Nodding his thanks, Bill shook his friend’s hand with a forceful grip before letting him return to the waiting crowd.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

A week later she hit the city limits of Colorado Springs with Andrew and all her worldly possessions stuffed into a moving truck. On his way westward to visit family, he’d offered to go along for the ride and help her settle her belongings into storage until she could get a place. The lease on her old apartment had run out, not that she would’ve gone back there, the memories still too raw and painful.

She’d determined that she was going to purchase a house. General Hammond assured her that she would be involved in the Stargate program for some time still, continuing to conduct research, and the myriad of bureaucratic procedures associated with the mission that the military waded through on a daily basis. Her expertise in the project was still too valuable to let her go anywhere just yet. Hammond agreed that her job would be better served at the mountain and ordered her to be prepared to report there within the week, thus the plan of dumping her stuff into storage and utilizing the quarters on base until she found the perfect spot. Since she would still be traveling to Washington for meetings and briefings regularly, Andrew was going to keep her room available which made him happy not to have to look for another roommate any time soon.

While still on the east coast, she contacted a real estate office and had been faxed pages of listings and open houses and she gone through and marked her five favorites. She begged Andrew to stay an extra day not only to get his opinion, but also to keep her company.

Tonight they were bunking out in a hotel and in the morning she had appointments to see three of the properties, while the other two were conducting open houses in the afternoon and they would be able to drop in anytime.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

“What do you mean there’s an open house scheduled? I’ve already put a bid in on that house!”

“I know, Jack, but it was already advertised and they can’t just cancel it. They haven’t accepted your offer yet.”

“Well, I can’t imagine why not. I offered ‘em ten thousand over the asking price.”

“And, um, WHY did you do that again?”

“Because it reminds me of the cabin, it’s on the outskirts of town, it’s got TREES and a deck and it’s the perfect house.”

“How do you know? You’ve never even been inside it.”

“The pictures looked good enough.”

“Well, as your realtor, I think you should drop by the open house this weekend and check it out in person.”

“Have you got the inspectors report yet?”

“No, I’m supposed to get it by Friday, so we can look it over and then Saturday I really think you should...”

“Yeah, yeah, I heard you the first time. I’ll think about it.”

“So you’re coming back into town on Thursday, right?”

“Yeah, Thursday night sometime.”

“Ok, I’ll see you at the office on Friday at one.”

“Copy that.”

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Thank god this was the last house! The other four were just plain pitiful, small, dark, no closet space and the asking prices were insane. Insane!

Andrew just laughed at her, “You’re paying two thousand dollars a month for A BEDROOM right now girl and you’re complaining about these prices?”

“Well that’s only because I have a roommate who is RIPPING ME OFF!”

He nodded his head, “Oh, well, yeah. There is that!” and then laughed at her some more.

Damn man.

When she pulled up alongside the curb her mouth dropped open. “Oooo, it looks like a cabin.”

Talk about curb appeal! The stonework, the gi-normous trees that she could see poking over the roof from the back yard....wow. It helped that a few days ago it had snowed and it gave the impression that the house was snug and cozy.

“How much was this one again?” she asked.

“Umm, cheaper than that last one,” Andrew retorted as he perused the fact sheet in his hand.

“Holy Hannah!”

“You can say that again.”

They got out of the car, Sam still a bit dazed by the look of the house. It called to her.

“It’s chilly out here, how’s about we take this inside, beautiful?”

“Mm-hm,” she agreed.

A blaze was roaring in the fireplace and Sam almost squealed over the see through wall between the step-down living room and the dining room. She bypassed the kitchen in favor of the three bedrooms; closets were much higher on her list of necessities. Although the rooms weren’t huge, the closet space was more than adequate for what she needed.

She went back to the kitchen, which was great, it even had a pantry. She then opened the sliding glass doors and stepped out onto the deck, while Andrew went to chat with the agent. The snow made everything gorgeous and she could see icicles hanging from the branches of the trees in the backyard.

It was like a little piece of heaven on earth. All she could hear was the wind blowing the leaves on the pine trees that covered the landscape. No cars, no city sounds, just...nature.

One adventurous soul had apparently decided to scout around the back lot because she could see footprints headed out into the forest just yards away from the property. But she stood there, enjoying the biting wind on her face and the peaceful scene around her.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jack was trudging back through the snow, his eyes searching for forest debris to avoid. He’d almost made it back to the tree line when he heard the back door to the house slam shut over the breeze. He froze and then stealthily made his way to where he could see if anyone was actually still outside, wondering what type of people would come to look at his house. Well, technically it wasn’t his house yet. But it would be if he had anything to say about it.

He crept up beside one of the giant pines and peered carefully from around the edge of the trunk, thankful that he’d worn his black toboggan and not his bright red Blackhawks one.

And then he saw something that made his toes curl up in his boots: HER.

Her hair was being blown helter-skelter by the wind, which looked to be a bit stronger than what he was experiencing in the protection of the trees, her cheeks and nose were starting to turn a lovely shade of pink from the cold.

The wood house was a dramatic backdrop for her beauty and he felt his breath literally being sucked out of his chest at the sight of her.

Blinking his eyes to force back the rush of tears that instantly formed, he took a moment to just watch her. His heart was thudding against his ribs, and he felt his hands becoming sweaty despite the shiver that wiggled down his spine. He took a deep breath and shifted his weight to step out from the behind the tree when the door opened again and he stopped instinctively.

“Hey darlin’, aren’t you freezing your ass off out here?”

“Yes, but I’m loving it.”

“You are out of your mind!” Andrew swore as he stepped out onto the slippery deck and rubbed his hands up and down her arms. “Come inside before you keel over.”

“Nah, I’m still good.”

“C’mon, your teeth are chattering.”

“No, I really want to stay out here. Just a minute longer, I promise.”

Sighing deeply, he wrapped his arms around her. He was cold, even if she wasn’t.

“The agent said that someone has already put in an offer on this place.” He informed her as she stared silently out into the forest.

“Really? Crap. I guess that’s to be expected; this place is perfect. I imagine there are going to be lots of bids put in on this one. I’ve only been here twenty minutes and I’ve fallen in love with it.”

“Perfect? Are you kidding? Out here in the middle of this wilderness? Girl, those trees are so thick there could be a serial killer out there and you wouldn’t know it.”

She just laughed at him.

“I never pegged you for being a city boy, Andrew!”

“Why do you think I chose the profession I did...nary a tree to be found in a doctor’s office, unless it’s a fichus.”

“Well, nature boy, go warm up the car if you’re so cold. I’ll be there in a second.”

Andrew turned to leave, but threw out over his shoulder, “I wanna have dinner at Murphy’s tonight. I wanna see the place where you met the great and powerful Jack who changed your life completely.”

Sam flinched as the wind caught the glass and it slammed hard against the frame. She should have known better than to ask Andrew to come to Colorado with her. She should have known that he wouldn’t leave town with doing...whatever it was he had planned up his sleeve. Tonight was either going to kill her, send her to the loony bin, or finally give her the missing puzzle piece of her life.

She really hoped it was the last option, because the first two did absolutely nothing for her.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jack stood as still as the tree he was hiding behind. What the hell WAS it with her and young blonde hunks? GOD! And why were they always TOUCHING her?

Darlin’? That didn’t sound good. Well, at least she wasn’t meekly obeying him. That was encouraging. But for god’s sake couldn’t the man at least call her by her name? At least then he’d get to find out what it was!

She loved the house? Sweet! Ha. Nature boy...somehow that didn’t quite sound like a term of endearment.

Murphy’s? She’d told him about Murphy’s?

He hoped that last snark by young Andrew was a positive one. Really, it could be read either way...either sarcastic or envious...great and powerful...he could show that young snot great and powerful.

And then, thank god, she’d sent him away.

He was about to step out when he paused again. Whoa. This may not be exactly the best scenario or timing to see her again. ‘Oh, yeah, I just overheard your conversation with your boyfriend that I changed your life completely, so how about you marry me and we can live in this house forever”. Uh-uh. That would not go over well.

However, they were going to be at Murphy’s tonight. He hadn’t been there since...well, since that night and right about now, one of their steaks was sounding mighty good.

So he stayed put and enjoyed the view. One part of his mind committing this precious moment to memory and the other part whirling with plans of what to say, what to do, what to WEAR! Even after she went inside, he stayed out in the snow, hidden amongst the trees and strategized his attack. Suddenly, he was a man with a plan!

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jack took a deep breath before stepping into the muted light of the restaurant. He gave up trying to control his racing pulse. It was a lost cause. He stood just inside the door and perused the room. He almost snorted in irony when he saw...Andrew sitting in HIS booth.

The young man was staring right at him, and Jack shifted uncomfortably and glanced away quickly to look around for her, but he didn’t see her. With a sinking feeling, he looked back at the young man, who jerked his head in a gesture asking him to come over. What the fuck?

He sauntered casually over and stood towering over the table glaring down at its occupant.

“Jack O’Neill I presume?”

“Andrew.”

The young man smiled, “You might as well sit down.”

He slid in on the opposite side, his gaze darting out over the crowd again. “How’d you know I’d be here?”

“I set you up Jack. When I saw the open house sign-up sheet, I thought I’d died and gone to heaven, but then you weren’t anywhere in the house, so I went and asked the agent. He said you’d gone out into the woods.”

Jack’s gaze continued to search out the other patrons, “So the whole deck performance was for me...how’d ya even know my name?”

“The day after she told me about you, I called here and asked them. They were very...enlightening.” Andrew’s voice dropped slightly, “I’m sorry about your son.”

Jack looked sharply at the younger man.

“She doesn’t know. I figured you would want to tell her.”

Nodding his agreement and thanks, Jack was relieved when Leah came to take his order.

“My god, Jack! You look like a new man!”

He quirked an eyebrow at her, but couldn’t stop a dimple from showing as one side of his mouth smirked at the compliment. After having taken extra care in preparing for tonight, he was gratified to see that the all black ensemble he’d worn was effective.

“I’m glad to see you breathing; we thought you’d dropped off the face of the earth.”

“Yeah, well, something sort of came up that I needed to take care of.”

“Looks like you took care of yourself in the process too.”

“Thanks.”

As she left them to get his coffee, he asked Andrew, “Who are you anyway? Please say you’re her brother.”

Snorting, Andrew shook his head, “No. I’m just her roommate...platonic roommate.” He added when Jack frowned at him.

His coffee came and he sipped it slowly.

“So where is she?”

Andrew sighed. “Locked herself in the hotel room and wouldn’t come out. I told her I was coming anyway, but not that you’d be here tonight.”

Jack’s face fell. “She doesn’t want to take the chance of seeing me here.”

“Look, I know you don’t know me, but I do know her pretty well, and dude, she’s got some major issues to deal with. You were just the icing on the cake.”

“The last thing I want to do is hurt her.”

“I figured. I can’t get into everything, because I think she should be the one to share some of the stuff with you, but I will say that she told me she’s in love with you.”

Andrew watched carefully as he dropped that tidbit of information and was satisfied by the emotions that flickered across the face of the man seated across from him.

“She doesn’t even know me.”

“Yes, she does.”

“No, what she saw...that wasn’t me!”

“She saw you anyway through all the...mess. Trust me Jack; she knows what she needs to know about you.”

“Who the fuck are you? Some head-shrinker?”

“Well...”

“Christ, you are!”

Andrew shrugged his shoulders in a ‘and, so, therefore’ kind of way.

Jack leaned back against the seat and looked at him. Finally, he said, “I’m in love with her too.”

“No shit, Sherlock.”

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Sam smoothed the dark red sweater dress against her hip as she stood outside the doorway. Taking a last critical look at herself, she wondered why she was so nervous. And then wondered why she’d asked herself such a stupid question. She KNEW why she was nervous. He might be there.

But so would Andrew. And she wasn’t going to be drinking any alcohol. Not tonight. So really, what was there to be nervous about? EVERYTHING!

What the hell. You only lived once. And she stepped through the entry way.

Her eyes instantly sought out the corner booth and saw Andrew sitting there. And another man...oh crap. It was him. His hair was shorter, and he wasn’t slumped over a beer, but it was him.

She almost turned around and ran, but just then Andrew saw her and gave her a high sign. Shooting a look of exasperation at him, she took a deep breath and walked over.

“She’s here!” Andrew murmured as he waved his hand at the door.

“Wha...aat?” Jack stammered.

“You heard me, she’s coming over.”

“For god’s sakes man, tell me her NAME!”

Andrew stared at him in shock.

“Why the hell do you think I didn’t track her down? I was too drunk...” and his voice trailed off as he felt her approach and so he slid out of the booth to greet her.

Turning, his heart did flip-flops in his chest at how wonderful she looked. The jewel-toned, form-fitting dress highlighted her natural fairness. Her eyes were wide from nerves and her body almost bow-string tight from tension.

Without thinking, he reached out his hand and brushed a thumb across her cheek as she came to a stop in front of him. And then he smiled. And her whole face lit up in response.

“Samantha, Jack...Jack, Samantha,” came a sardonic voice from behind them.

“Samantha....” breathed Jack, his eyes boring into hers for a moment more, before ushering her to the side of the table where he’d been seated and then slipping in next to her.

He frowned when she scooted over almost as far as she could go so that he couldn’t even accidentally brush against her. “Samantha...” he started to say, but trailed off as she looked over at him.

All he wanted to do was crush her within his embrace and all his plans flew out of his brain. There were things he wanted to say, but they were lost to him as soon as her eyes locked with his.

Andrew rolled his eyes at the two. If he thought it would help, he’d tell them to get a room but thought that it might be more detrimental than good. They’d already gotten a room twice and look where they’d ended up.

“Jack,” he said, getting both of their attentions with that one word.

“Did you know that our girl here likes to dance?”

Jack’s head swiveled back towards her, and he raised his eyebrow in question.

She shrugged lightly, and he let a tiny smile form around his mouth. Her eyes were drawn to it like a magnet. Even though they’d just sat down and there weren’t any other couples dancing, he grabbed her hand and led her onto the dance floor. It was awkward that just as they stepped into the area that was designated for dancing, the music faded away. They just stood and stared at each other in dismay. Andrew sighed heavily. Damn these two, was he going to have to hold their hands the whole time? He cued Leah who had moved over by the stereo that played over the sound system to start the song he’d chosen for their first dance, and watched as they melted into each other.

Sam shot a look at Andrew over Jack’s shoulder. This was the song she’d practically worn out on her CD player. He just quirked an eyebrow at her before motioning that he was leaving. Before he left though, he mouthed ‘talk to him’ at her. Sam’s face froze in a panic which made him frown at her before giving a sharp nod as if to say ‘DO IT! So help me if you blow this…’. Then he left them to figure out the rest on their own.

You know I don't know what it is
but something about you is so irresistible

Don’t you try and tell me that he's not my type,
To hide what I feel inside
When he makes me weak with desire.
I know that I’m supposed to make him wait
Let him think I like the chase,
But I can’t stop fanning the fire.
I know I meant to say no!

But he's irresistible, up close and personal.
Now inescapable I can hardly breathe.
More than just physical, deeper than spiritual,
His ways are powerful, irresistible to me
Yeah yeah, I can hardly breathe!

Don’t you think I'm trying to tell my heart what’s right?
That I should really say goodnight,
But I can’t stop myself from falling.
Maybe I'll tell him that I feel the same,
That I don’t want to play no game?
‘Cause when I feel his arms wrapped around me
I know meant to say No! I Meant To Say No!

But he's irresistible, up close and personal.
Now inescapable, I can hardly breathe!
More than just physical, deeper than spiritual,
His ways are powerful, irresistible to me!

Can’t you see whenever he's close to me
I really find it hard to breathe?
He’s so irresistible, baby you know its more than just spiritual
His kisses are powerful!

He's so irresistible!
Up close and personal!
Now inescapable I can hardly breathe!
More than just physical, deeper than spiritual!
His ways are powerful, irresistible to me

He's irresistible, up close and personal
I can hardly breathe
More than just physical, deeper than spiritual.
His ways are powerful, irresistible to me!


They swayed together, about as half as slow as the music seemed to call for. Sam kept her face planted firmly in his neck, afraid to look up into his mesmerizing eyes but reveling in the feel of his skin against hers. He was wearing some kind of cologne that enhanced his normal manly scent. And of course, the absence of the odor of beer was a perk.

Trying to keep her head in the game, she shivered when he pulled their joined hands up to his mouth and placed a gentle kiss on the back of hers.

When the song finished, she leaned back and told him she wanted to sit down. They went back to the table and he asked her if she was hungry. He made sure that they were on the same side, even if Andrew seemed to have jumped ship, but didn’t let her get too far away by keeping a hold of her hand.

“Sort of, my stomach is growling, but my nerves are so…well, anyway. Let’s order and what I eat, I eat and what I don’t, I don’t.

Grinning, he was amazed at how open she was with him. Not many women he knew would admit to not being able to eat because they were a nervous wreck. They ordered steaks and stuck with coffee and diet cola for their drinks.

A silence descended, it wasn’t unbearable, but it was a bit…awkward. Thankfully, another song came on that seemed to fill the gap. Jack pulled her hand into his lap and used both hands to rub along her palm and fingers.


I've never written a love song
That didn't end in tears.
Maybe you'll rewrite my love song
If you can replace my fears.

I need your patience and guidance
And all your lovin' and more.
When thunder rolls through my life
Will you be able to weather the storm?

There's so much I would give ya, baby
If I'd only let myself.
There's this well of emotions
I feel I must protect.

But what's the point of this armor
If it keeps the love away, too?
I'd rather bleed with cuts of love
Than live without any scars.

Baby, can I trust this?
Or do all things end?
I need to hear that you'll die for me
Again and again and again.

So tell me when you look in my eyes
Can you share all the pain and happy times.
'Cause I will love you for the rest of my life.

This is my very first love song
That didn't end in tears.
I think you re-wrote my love song
for the rest of my years.
I will love you for the rest of my life.


Sam had tears in her eyes, and she suddenly pushed against him to get out. Caught off guard he scooted out.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“I just need to go to the restroom,” she lied, before she hurried towards the back of the restaurant.

A few minutes later, Leah approached him.

“Jack?” she called hesitantly.

“What?” he asked, his heart sinking. Whatever she had to say, it wasn’t good.

“Your lady friend just slipped out the back.”

Jack swore and jumped up and ran out to the parking lot but he was too late, he didn’t even get to see what kind of vehicle she was driving.

He just stood there among the cars until Leah came out.

“Why don’t you come back inside?”

“No, if I go in, I’ll never come out again.” he said as he thrust cash at her, “for the check.”

Then he got in his truck and went home. Except that it wasn’t home. It was the crappy apartment where he’d hurt Samantha so badly. He threw himself down on the bed and struggled to hold back the emotions that threatened to swamp his carefully guarded control.

The phone rang, and he just glared at it. Damn phone, damn apartment, damn her! He let the machine pick up but sat up immediately when he heard her sobbing over the speaker.

“Jack, I’m so sorry! I just couldn’t…”

“Samantha!” he practically yelled as he picked up the receiver.

“Oh…I didn’t think…”

“Please don’t hang up, please!”

Silence.

“Please Samantha, don’t go again.”

“Ok.”

Jack sighed. Thank god.

“I think that maybe we should talk.”

“I’m sorry, Jack. I thought I was ready to see you again, but then we danced and we were touching and…obviously I’m not.”

“That’s ok angel, this is safe. We can just talk on the phone. We don’t have to be with each other right away. I mean, when you think about it, we’ve never really talked before. We know that there’s an attraction between us, a chemistry that isn’t going to go away. Tonight proved that so why don’t we just take a step back to catch our breath?”

“Really? You would be willing to do that?”

“Samantha, I’ve fallen in love with you. I WANT to get to know you better. You’ve completely changed my life for the better…I’d be willing to send you love letters through the mail if that’s what you wanted to do.”

“Oh Jack!” she sobbed again. “I love you too.”

God, he wished he were there to hold her as he clenched his jaw in frustration.

“Wait a minute, someone’s pounding at the door.” Her voice quivered.

He scowled as he heard her walk over carrying the cell phone with her over to the hotel door. And then he was almost amused as he heard Andrew’s raised voice.

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING BACK ALREADY?”

“Don’t yell at me Andrew.”

Jack smirked. That a boy, Andrew, gave her what for, the nerve of her screwing up your lovely plans.

“Girl, you’re supposed to be out having the best date of your life with the man you love.”

“Well, it didn’t exactly go…”

“And who the fuck are you on the phone with?”

“There’s no need to curse, it’s Jack.”

“Jack?”

“Yes, as if it’s any business of yours.”

“Not my business? Give me the phone.”

“No.”

It was funny; it really was, as Jack heard them scuffle over the phone.

“Jack?”

“Yes, Andrew?”

“What the hell did…what happened?”

So Jack told him. Might as well, Andrew was on his side. Two against one wasn’t exactly fair, but what was that old cliché about ‘all’s fair in love and war’?

“Ok. Can you sit tight for a few minutes? Ten tops. I’ll have her call you back.”

Jack stared at the phone as Andrew hung up on him. Fuck. This night was not going according to plan at all.

Twenty minutes later and he still hadn’t gotten a call back. Thirty minutes had him pacing the floor. An hour and he went in and took a shower since he’d resorted to push ups and had gotten all sweaty. All the while carrying the phone with him in case she called.

Two hours passed and he got her number from the caller ID and called her. Only to get her voice mail. So he just left a short message that he was worried about her, and hung up.

Throwing himself on the bed, he held the phone in his hand, knowing that she wasn’t going to be calling back anytime soon.

He discarded the idea about trying to track down what hotel she was staying at…he didn’t know either hers or Andrew’s last name.

And so he drifted restlessly off to sleep.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The ringing of the phone awakened Jack. At first he just blinked his eyes blearily at the phone that was in his hand, his head fuzzy from just falling asleep. Then he jumped up off the mattress and pushed the on button.

“Hello?” he answered carefully, his heart racing from his sudden actions and the adrenalin that rushed through his veins.

“Jack it’s me, sorry about the delay, but…well, I’ll tell you about it later. Right now you need to get to the front of your building. She’s parked at the curb. Go now!” Andrew told him.

Jack didn’t hesitate, but threw the phone down and grabbed up some clothes and his boots before scooping up his keys and jacket, running to the elevator in his boxers and t-shirt.

While waiting impatiently for the doors to open, he pulled on his pants and shoved his feet into his boots, leaving the laces hanging and not caring that he’d neglected to remember to snag some socks. When the doors opened, he darted in and mashed the lobby button repeatedly, as if that would make the doors move quicker.

Dropping his jacket on the floor, he pulled his sweatshirt on and then picked the coat back up to slide his arms in.

His mind was awhirl when the doors reopened and he shot out across the tile and through the glass doors.

It had started snowing and the ground was slick, so he carefully maneuvered his way across the walk to her car. He didn’t know why she was there, and really…did it matter why? She just was and that was good enough for now.

Stepping up to the passenger side of the car that was still running, he knocked gently on the window not wanting to startle her.

Her head whipped towards the sound and her eyes registered recognition after a few very long heartbeats. Motioning for him to open the door, he did so immediately, almost afraid that she’d drive off before he got inside.

“Hey,” he said softly.

“Hey,” she smiled sadly at him.

“Whatcha’ doin’?”

“I drove here, determined to apologize in person, but when I got here, I just couldn’t go inside.”

He shifted in his seat so that he was facing her, carefully bracing his arm on the back of her seat. His fingers, with a will of their own, stroked the lock of her hair that was within reach.

“I understand,” he sympathized, knowing that he really had no clue as to why she was so upset. He could guess at a lot of reasons, but somehow he didn’t think that they were the main reasons.

At least she wasn’t crying anymore. Glancing at his watch he saw that more than four hours had passed since Andrew had hung up on him.

“It’s kind of cold out. Is there someplace you’d like to go so we can talk? Or I can go back inside and you can call…”

“No!” she said, turning towards him and grabbing his free arm tightly.

“It’s ok, angel. I’m not going anywhere if you don’t want me to.”

“I know someplace we can…talk.”

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jack thought the night had definitely started looking up when Samantha pulled into a hotel parking lot, but told himself in no uncertain terms that he was not to get his hopes up. They were here to talk. And that was all. Talking…no touching or kissing…or….

“This way Jack,” Sam directed, dragging his mind from the lovely path it was taking.

Following her through the lobby and into the elevators, he took his cue from her and remained silent until they’d gotten inside her room. She went and sat on the bed and patted the blanket next to her. He looked at her a little askance before clearing his throat.

“I think for right now, I’m better off over here. We came to talk and that’s what I think we need to do. If I go over there…next to you on the bed…I won’t be able to focus enough to listen. And I really want to listen.”

What a freaking lie that was…what he really wanted to do was to sink into her. He didn’t understand yet why he was so drawn to her. They really knew nothing about each other. They NEEDED to talk, but like a bear is drawn to honey, he craved her touch. She was so beautiful, so soft, and so…damn sexy as she sat there all innocent-looking on the bed.

“Jack? C’mere.” Her eyes looked impossibly huge and blue as she pleaded with him to come closer.

Against his better judgment, he obeyed. He wasn’t a stupid man, but sometimes he did stupid things and this was one of those times. He shouldn’t have gone over there because as soon as his ass hit the mattress, she was touching him. Hands running through his hair, hands climbing up his legs, breasts pushed up against his arm, mouth on his neck and his body responded instantly.

“Finish what you started,” was all she had to say before he let himself take action.

Growling from deep in his chest he pushed her back onto the bed and pressed into her.

Her eyes were flashing her need and desire, which just made him growl more.

“Are you sure?” he asked, “because I don’t think I’ll be able to stop…”

“I’m sure, Jack. Fuck m…,” she said impatiently, squirming under his weight.

His mouth was on hers before she even finished her sentence, testosterone flooding into his bloodstream. His tongue pushed in between her lips and swiped hungrily across her teeth, enticing hers into an erotic dance.

His hands weren’t still as he slid them up under her dress. God, he really liked it that she wore skirts, so much more accessible than pants. His fingers dipped underneath the scrap of cloth covering her mound and into the wet heat beneath.

Sam whimpered at his touch, her body writhing as his thumb flicked against her bundle of nerves, before a finger plunged in between her folds. “Please Jack,” she begged, “I need you in me.”

He slid his weight down her body, stopping as his knees touched the floor. Using both hands, he rucked up her dress, exposing her thigh high stockings and lacy panties. Feasting his gaze on his hand thrusting into her, he added another finger before dropping his head and bringing his mouth into play. His tongue replaced his fingers and stroked out a steady rhythm inside her. Her body shivered at every stroke and twitch his thumb made against her clit.

Reveling in her pants and gasps, he twirled his tongue, changing its shape, curling it into the vaginal walls until her hips were almost lifting off the bed. Glancing up, he treasured the look on her face. Almost ecstasy, almost an urgent grimace, but he kept up the pressure and pace of eating her.

He felt when she was on the edge, ignoring her pleas for him to join her, he pushed and pushed and pushed. And then she was completely out of control, screaming her release, her body being wracked with spasms from her orgasm’s intensity.

Waiting until she calmed to rise over her again, he hovered until she opened her heavy satiated eyes.

Arrogantly satisfied with his ability to render her immobile, he patiently waited until she recovered.

“Oh my god, Jack!”

Smirking, he said, “Angel, you haven’t seen anything yet.”

All she did was raise her eyebrows at him. He took it as a personal challenge. With fabric still hiked up to her waist, he reached down to rip her underwear off. Leaving her dress, high heeled boots, and nylons on, he flipped her over onto her stomach and shoved her legs apart.

Cooing at his roughness, she arched her back, presenting him with her ass. Hastily he undid his jeans pulling himself out before guiding his cock to the brink of her dripping wet core. A thought flitted across his almost completely blank mind. Condom.

“Condom?” he grunted out.

Samantha just shook her head no.

“Oh FUCK!” he groaned, his body warring with his mind as his blunt tip eagerly inched into her heat.

“Please, Jack! Don’t stop!” she said, turning her head to look over her shoulder at him.

“No condom.” he snarled at her.

“I don’t care, I want, no; I NEED you in me right now.”

Still he hesitated, his mind holding its own in the battle with his dick.

“Jack, PLEASE!”

And his brain gave up as he imbedded himself fully into her snug hole.

Screaming at the stretch his huge dick caused, Sam fell flat onto the bed. Jack grabbed her hips and hauled her back up, almost on his lap as he knelt over her. God, she was so tight! He bucked his hips and began to thrust into her, retreating slowly, then pounding into her as hard as he could. Over and over, he thrust relentlessly, harder and deeper each time. Knowing he wouldn’t last long at this pace, he swiveled his angle to hit her g-spot until she was crying out every time he drove into her.

Within minutes, he was roaring his release, his fluids sending her body into ripples of pleasure.

Finally, after he regained control of his muscles that had seemed to lock into position, he slipped out, dragging their fluids with him. Situating himself at the head of the bed, he pulled her into his chest and yanked the comforter over them both.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

In the room next door, Andrew was thankful that the knocking of their headboard against the wall had stopped. Pillows, unfortunately, did not make for very good earplugs.

So much for psychoanalysis. He should have gone with his gut instinct and told them to go get a room while they were still at Murphy’s. Glad that he was flying out to California in the morning, he tugged the pillows more firmly around his head. If he weren’t afraid of hypothermia, he’d go sleep in the car because he seriously doubted that he would be getting very much sleep tonight.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Sam ran her fingers up and down Jack’s chest as it still heaved to bring in more oxygen, tangling her fingers in the smattering of hair. His skin was slick with a light sheen of sweat from his exertions. Exertions, what a technical term for the fabulous way he’d handled her body. He must have a doctorate in fine arts because what he’d done to her was definitely an art and damn was it fine!

Smothering the giggles that threatened to burst out, she told herself to SHUT UP! Laughing after sex…mind-blowing, life-altering, oh-my-god-I-can-never-have-enough sex was not complimentary to your partner!

Wanting to say something…anything, she wracked her brain. “Wow.”

Ok, now that was just plain stupid! She couldn’t come up anything better than ‘wow’? She was officially a moron.

“Back at ya.”

Ok, so he was a moron too. Perhaps it was because most of their blood was no longer north of their necks? How could their synapses fire and their neurons be stimulated if there was an inadequate flow of blood to their brain tissue? Mystery solved.

Jack was drowsy. His eyes were shut and he was enjoying her touching him. It was like they were addicted to each other. He’d never felt this way, not even when he was sixteen and he’d slept with Sara for the first time. Not even when he was fourteen and he’d….Samantha! That’s who he wanted to think of right now. Samantha, with her blonde hair mussed from his hands and her lips swollen from his kisses. Samantha, with her face scrunched up and her blue eyes hidden because she’d squinched them shut as she came in his mouth. Oh yes. Those were much more pleasant thoughts. It made him want to lick his lips, but he’d refrain from doing that in front of her, after all, he was a gentleman.

Months…YEARS of tension seemed to have rolled off his shoulders and he felt like a new man. The poisons had left the building, hopefully for good.

“You know what would feel good right now?”

He could only manage a grunt in response.

“A shower.”

In theory he agreed with her. Covered in sweat and semen, they both could use some cleaning up. In actuality, he SO didn’t want to move. Just a few minutes of sleep would be so very perfect.

“Jaa-aack!”

“Hmmm?”

“Shower!” she poked him.

Prying an eye open, he squinted down at her. “Right now?”

“Yes, right now.”

“Seriously?”

She frowned at him, then her face brightened, “I’ll arm-wrestle you for it!”

Now with both eyes peeking from underneath his lashes at her, he asked, “What?”

“I’ll arm-wrestle you. If you win, we stay in bed all sticky. If I win, we go take a shower together.”

“Ooo-kaaayy,” he sighed.

As they shifted positions, he shook his head at her in amusement at the serious look on her face. She was looking at him like he was a bug under a microscope. He stifled the chuckles that threatened. It would not be cool to laugh at her just yet…he did want more sex…and soon.

Aware that he thought it was a joke, she played her cards close to the chest. He wouldn’t know what hit him!

As they grasped each other’s hand, she focused. Not above using her charm as a weapon, she felt that he was so cocky that she wouldn’t need it this time.

“One, two, three….go” she chanted.

Jack was astonished when she slammed his hand down onto the mattress immediately. Holy shit! Not only was she strong, but she was aggressive, applying pressure to tilt his wrist to an angle that made his hand go instantly numb. If he’d been ready, he could have stiffened his wrist to prevent the trick, but he hadn’t really taken her seriously.

Oh well, he wasn’t about to be a sore loser. Hell, he’d take a shower with her…and there was that issue about more sex that he needed to deal with.

Sam was grinning from ear to ear. He was just too damn easy.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

She stepped into the shower first, the water was hot and the steam was just starting to rise from the bottom of the stall. Jack stared at her for a moment as she wet her hair and started to wash it, the water streaming down over her body. He almost had to pinch himself as he watched dumbfounded. She was so hot, so gorgeous. What the hell was she doing with him? He swallowed hard because the horrible thought made his heart clench tightly in his chest. What would he do if she ever got tired of him? After all, she was young and beautiful and had her whole life ahead of her. He was already retired and had no plans for the future at the moment. Maybe some consultant work with the AF, after all, if they ever needed anything to do with the Stargate again, he’d probably be the first one called.

The moment stretched longer until Sam finally looked at him wondering why he hadn’t joined her yet. Smiling at the mesmerized look on his face, she asked him, “penny for your thoughts?”

Shaking himself, he answered, “You’re just so damn hot.”

Giggling, she reached out and tugged him in with her. “You are so silly.”

“You are hot!”

“So are you!” she responded, reaching up to kiss him. Their lovemaking so far had been so fast and furious they hadn’t even taken the time to kiss properly. And that was a fact that she was determined to remedy.

Her mind drifted as he obliged her and they deepened their exploratory motions into something more passionate.

Who was he? This enigma of a man. So obviously a man used to being in control, a man who had seen much. He actually reminded her of her father…not in a creepy sort of way. But in all the good stuff she remembered about her dad from so long ago. The man that Jacob had been before her mother had died. Jack reminded her of what kind of a man her father was before he was so damaged that he couldn’t recover. That was what scared her about Jack. He’d obviously suffered some sort of tragedy for her to have met him in the state he had been in. But somehow he’d come back from the edge of darkness. Still, even now, there was an underlying sadness about him despite that it was less than when they’d first encountered each other.

The plain truth was that even after months of ‘therapy’ with Andrew, she was still petrified. Scared that if she opened up her heart again and let Jack in, that when something else went wrong…and it would, that he’d lose it for good and then where would she be? All alone; again.

Last night…this morning…she’d reached a conclusion. She still didn’t understand WHY she wanted Jack…other than his physical assets which to date were amazing, but she wanted HIM. That was another hard detail for her brain to ignore. She was a scientist dammit! She needed cold hard calculations to make a decision. But with Jack all she had was instinct and an insatiable need to just BE with him. At the bar, it’d been too much. She’d panicked and run, afraid of what she might do or say to him.Terrified that he wouldn’t understand or even worse, he wouldn’t reciprocate her feelings.

But despite her twisted and convoluted behavior, he did understand, and incredibly he felt the same way about her. And so she’d made the choice to stop denying herself of what she wanted. They were two consenting adults. She wanted him, he wanted her and she wanted the chance at a future with him, whatever that might entail.

It was like some cosmic force had brought them together at the time in their lives when they needed each other. Him so far gone that he’d resorted to alcohol, and her floundering not only in her work, but in her personal life as well. It had to be fate.

With that last thought she allowed herself to return to what was going on with the rest of her body.

Jack had moved away from her mouth and had headed in a southernly direction. But now was not really a time for land navigation terms. Her neck. He’d attached himself like a leech to her neck and it felt wonderful. Her nerves tingled alongside the tiny pinch of pain as the capillaries in her skin burst under the suction he was using. She liked the fact that he enjoyed marking her as his. It was so primal. She was almost surprised that he hadn’t once murmured ‘mine’ at her. Perhaps he thought it would dredge up bad memories. Which even just thinking about it sort of did.

“Jack?” she panted.

“Hmm?” came his muffled response from her shoulder.

“This may be crappy timing, but are you divorced yet?”

“Papers came in the mail three weeks ago. It’s finalized,” he replied, pulling away to look into her eyes sincerely. “I’m sorry; I should have said something earlier about it. I didn’t mean to make you worry.”

“I wasn’t worried; I just wanted to know one way or the other.”

“So we’re ok?”

“Yeah, I think we’re more than ok!” she grinned at him and leaned over to bite a nipple that was within reach.

His only response was a growl and a return to her neck. God, he was going to scar her for life if he kept that up!

Reaching around his body for the washcloth and soap, she lathered it up until bubbles were flowing freely. Pushing him away, she pressed him against the wall and swiped the cloth across his chest. He looked very good in nothing but bubbles. She washed his arms, taking care to pay attention to his lanky, hard biceps and forearms. They were beautiful to behold, so strong, so firm when they held her.

Jack looked on in heated amusement as she took pleasure in such a seemingly simple act, grateful for his punishing regimen of exercise as she learned every intimate detail of his body. She was adorable, her tongue partly sticking out as she bit it in concentration.

Next were his hands. She brought each one up and washed every single finger carefully, fascinated by their length. Recollecting just how long they were when they were inside her body, she shivered.

She turned him around, flashing him a wink as she saw the smirk on his face and then she gasped.

He froze, having forgotten all about the scars on his back from the POW camp in Iraq where they’d beat him within an inch of his life. Shit. He should have prepared her for it! What had he been thinking? He hadn’t, that was the problem.

Just as he was about to turn back around to tell her everything was ok, he felt the cloth move gently across his skin. “A gift from Saddam,” he told her softly looking over his shoulder at her.

Sam held back the tears in her eyes. The redness of the strips of scars had faded to a light pinkish color. ‘Saddam’ he said, so did that mean he’d been in Desert Storm too? Probably. It also probably meant he’d been prisoner of war in Iraq, which meant he probably had PTSD: post-traumatic stress disorder. No wonder he’d been a freaking basket case. And it also meant that he’d been in the military. Very interesting.

She soothingly washed the scarred surface, knowing that while it probably wasn’t still tender, it could be highly sensitized. Noting to herself not to ever scratch at his back during wild sex, she lowered the cloth to his butt.

OH. MY. GOD. Now THAT was a fine piece of ass. Running, he had to do lots and lots of running to get an ass that completely delectable. YUM. Turning him so the water washed the soap away she gently bit him.

He couldn’t help the startled yelp when he felt her teeth come down on his butt. What the hell?

“I don’t know if you remember it or not, but several months ago, I promised that I’d bite you again. I just want you to know that I always keep my promises.”

He sucked in a deep breath as she kissed the spot she’d just bitten. Holy crap.

She paused a moment to re-soap the washcloth. He used the scant time to rein in his control that in about two seconds he was going to lose…in her.

So he just gritted his teeth as she continued on down the backs of his thighs.

She was enjoying the torture she was putting him through. ‘Payback’s a bitch’ floated through her mind, as she remembered him traveling down her body with his mouth.

His thighs were hairy, but not overly so. The back of his knee ticklish, but she only filed that tidbit of information away for another time. His calves were well-developed and strong. God. The man was a freaking hunk!

Still kneeling at his feet, she urged him to turn around and face her. And face her he did…his erection almost smacking her across the cheek as he moved.

Grinning at him wickedly, she focused on his toes, knowing he would not want her to linger there.

Moaning out loud, he looked down to see her head with its hair plastered to her skull just mere inches from his straining dick. Then he closed his eyes, ‘cause seeing her that close and not doing anything was even worse than knowing it. Damn her evilness!

Slowly she left his feet, and moved back up to his powerful thighs. Each swipe she made with the washcloth caused his penis to twitch and move. It was fascinating really. It was like a divining rod; gently bobbing in whichever direction she happened to move the cloth.

But when she touched his scrotum, his hips bucked forward as his back arched and caused his head to fall back smacking against the tile loudly.

“Ouch dammit!”

“Oh, you poor baby!” Sam said, as she rose and felt the bump that was already forming on the back of his head.

“This is all your fault! If you hadn’t wanted to take a shower…” he grumbled, frustrated beyond his means of control. If she thought that this little scratch was going to get her out of finishing this, then she was out of her mind!

“Poor man, did I go and make you do that?”

He just frowned at her.

She smiled at his petulance as she hooked a leg around his waist. “Let me make it all better!”

Hell yes!

He breached her easily, her body still snug and tight despite his roughness earlier, the remains of their fluids and her apparent arousal aiding him. He turned them so her back was to the wall, blocking her from the spray of water.

The steam surrounding them added to the moment. Her cheeks were flushed and her nipples erect as they brushed against his chest. He loved the feel of the friction not only from where his body joined hers, but from the other places they were touching. He didn’t think he would ever get enough of touching her. Ever.

Making his strokes long and languorous, he took his time. Watching her face as she gasped, he enjoyed the tightness of her inner muscles as she contracted them along his shaft.

In and out he thrust, again and again. His butt, his abs, his thighs, his back muscles all flexing in unison as he drove into her slowly.

She screamed when she came the first time, but he just kept up his steady rhythm, not pausing, not wavering, just the continual plunging in and out, over and over. He had to bite his lips when she came the second time and hang on to his control by his toenails.

On and on he drove into her, taking her to the brink a third time.

“Jack, please. Come with me!” she begged him as she trembled over the edge yet again.

“No!” He grunted at her, straining against giving in to the delicious sensations that were running rampant through his entire body. “They say…” thrust “that men over forty…” thrust, pant “lose their sex drive…” thrust. “Want to make sure…” pant, pant “that if I can’t get it up…” thrust “again…” pant “that you won’t be…” thrust, pant “disappointed!”

Yelling as she came the fourth time, he felt his body spasm out of control.

Shaking from their…exertions…they clung to each other as they stumbled to the bed. Uncaring that they were still wet from the shower; they wrapped up in the bedding and fell asleep.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Sam cracked an eye to look at the clock when the phone rang. What the hell? Oh yeah, wake up call to take Andrew to the airport.

She should have told him to get a damn cab! Dragging herself from the warm cocoon that they’d created, she pulled on some clothes and finger-combed her hair. Grabbing the keys to the car and the room, she headed out.

Knocking quietly, she waited for him to open the door.

“Beautiful? Why aren’t you still in bed?”

“Cause I said I’d take you to the airport!” she replied as she collapsed on his bed.

“You don’t have to do that, I can get a taxi.” He grinned at her. “I don’t think I want to get into a car with you given the road conditions…you’re too sleep-deprived!”

“Very funny!”

“Yet oh-so-true.”

She made a face at him.

“Go on, really. A taxi is fine. You’ll be busy with enough other stuff soon enough to miss out on what time you’ll have with Jack.”

“Are you sure?”

“YES!”

“Ok. Well…” she got off the bed and hugged him. “Did I say that I was going to miss you yet?”

“Yes.”

“Did I say thank you for…everything?”

“Well, now that you mention it. No, you have not said ‘thank you for everything you’ve done Andrew short of moving heaven and earth to get me and Jack together’…no, I don’t believe I’ve heard that to come out of your mouth yet.”

“Idiot!”

“Perv!”

She laughed as she hugged him good-bye. “I’ll call you as soon as I get settled, ok?”

“Yeah, well, I’m sure I’ll be seeing you in DC sooner or later.”

“Yeah…ok then. Bye,” she said as she walked to the door.

“I mean it though,” she called out over her shoulder. “Thank you.”

He just nodded and smiled at her as she closed the door.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Sam stripped, crawled back under the covers and wiggled her way back into Jack’s embrace. He hadn’t moved in the few minutes that she’d been gone. Then she yawned as the darkness in the room and his breath in her ear lulled her back to sleep.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

“Housekeeping!”

Jack sat up startled, unceremoniously rolling Sam off the bed as he whipped his arm out from under her. To his dismay, the covers went with her.

“What the...?” came from the floor just as a squeak resounded from the door way.

“Oh, I’m so sorry sir; the other party already checked out...I’ll come back later. I am so, so sorry.” said the maid hurriedly turning her face away from him and backing rapidly out of the room with her cheeks blazing.

Well that wasn’t embarrassing. ‘Good morning to me’ he thought as he belatedly covered his morning...issue with his hands. Nope, not even a teensy bit embarrassing.

Wild, blonde bed-head hair peeked over the edge followed by a pair of narrowed blue eyes.

“Well, this isn’t exactly how I planned on waking you up,” he said shaking his head at her in apology. “You ok?”

“Never better,” she huffed at him as she stood up, the covers wrapped around her. Then her face changed into a smirk as she took in the sight of him sitting naked on the bed with his hands still covering his crotch.

“So how were you planning on waking me up?” she teased him.

“Oh, you know, a little bit of this, a little bit of that...” he grinned as she dropped the blankets and crawled across the bed and stopped in front of him. Sitting back on her heels, she gently removed his hands from their protective position.

“My, my, what have we here? Looks like somebody answered their wake-up call.”

Groaning at her lame innuendo and the puff of air from her lips on his nether region, he tugged her into his chest.

“Don’t tease. I have to pee.”

“Oooo, Jack, you’re so romantic!”

“Yes, well, as you can see, my perfect plan of seduction is a success!” he joked before kissing her quickly and then heading off to the bathroom.

“How much did you have to pay the maid to pull off this plan of yours?” she quipped back as he shut the door.

“Not enough to keep her out of the room apparently,” he said, raising his voice to be heard through the door.

She was still giggling when he came back into the room.

He flopped back down onto the bed and she curled up against him. “Phft” he spit out her hair that somehow managed to get into his mouth in the process. The skin on skin part was really good though.

It was nice just to be lying there together. No words, no pressure, just calm relaxation and his hand lazily tracing up and down her shoulder. Nice.

“You know, check out time is in about an hour,” she said hesitantly several minutes later, not really wanting to break the mood they had going.

“Yeah.”

“And I’ve got some errands I’d planned to do today before we…ran into each other.”

“So are you telling me to get lost?”

“No, no, no! That’s not…”

“Samantha, it’s ok! I was just teasing. I understand that you have a life. If you’re not doing anything later, how about we meet back up for dinner tonight? But not at Murphy’s,” he threw in quickly.

“That sounds great.”

Jack got dressed and she held his hand as she walked him to the door. He hugged her tightly, relishing her softness, her scent, and her warmth that caused his body to tingle and respond.

“Do you realize that I don’t even know your last name?” He asked.

“Carter, Samantha Carter.” She responded a bit shyly. “Yours?” What a pair they were, sleeping together, declarations of love flying about the room and they didn’t even know the least little thing about each other. She firmly shoved down the flicker of doubt that asserted its ugly head.

“Jack O’Neill, at your service,” he grinned back at her. “Tonight, we’ll talk more Samantha Carter,” he promised her before brushing a light kiss across her lips.

“Tonight,” she echoed.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Sam was showered, packed, and buttoned up in her dress blues in record time. She drove carefully as she navigated the snowy roads to the mountain complex and checked in with the duty officer to get her quarter’s assignment. After quickly disposing of her clothes and personal items, she changed into cammies and headed off to her lab. Sunday was the best day to get work done. No annoying lab assistants and no interruptions by the other team members asking for help. Sunday had always been the most productive day for Sam in the mountain.

She fussed around with the dialing computer; beta-ing the new diagnostic program personally was extremely satisfying. Sometimes she wasn’t sure that her orders were being followed precisely over the phone. She tinkered with the superconductors, pulling out a wrench to check on the connections here and there. Nothing was out of order, but she felt more alive puttering around on her own than she ever had in DC.

Squashing the twinge of bitterness of not being able to see the gate in action, she wandered the empty halls, nodding a silent greeting to what few staff had pulled duty over the weekend before finally heading back to her lab. Suddenly she had an idea and thought that she might get some clarification about it from one of the mission reports.

Thumbing through the large stack of folders, she found the one she’d been searching for. One of the many submitted by Colonel O’Neill. He’d gone into quite specific detail about the Stargate on Abydos and she wanted to review how they’d turned the dial to return home...wait a minute.

“O’Neill?” she asked herself out loud.

“No...no...it...no..” she repeated several times, laughing at the absurdity that of all the people in Colorado Springs that she’d....No, it wasn’t possible. The Colonel’s name was Jonathan, and it wasn’t like he was a Kennedy. Lots of men were just named Jack.

But the fact that he was prior military and had been in Iraq...made her stomach do a somersault. No, the world wasn’t…couldn’t be THAT small! To prove herself correct, she quickly accessed the main database and ran a search in the personnel files from her computer. When the Colonel’s file popped up she clicked on the icon.

As his picture slowly loaded her mouth went completely dry. Oh no.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jack listened to the message in disbelief. He’d been working out in the spare room and hadn’t bothered to answer the phone when it rang. Wishing he could kick himself now for missing her call, he flopped down, still all sweaty, on the mattress and wondered what on earth could have happened for Samantha to cancel their dinner date. She claimed something had come up at work, but there was something in her voice that wasn’t quite right. He picked up the receiver and called her cell. Of course, she didn’t answer so he left her a message to let her know that the change in plans was ok, but to call him when she got the chance so they could arrange the ‘rain check’ she’d promised.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Sam stared down at the LCD display on her cell phone. Three voicemail messages were waiting for her. She snapped the phone shut and tossed the phone on her bed before almost running out the door to the 0800 briefing. She didn’t think she’d be able to stand it if she listened to his voice right now. Not until she figured out why she was feeling awkward and what she was going to do about it. Should she do nothing? Something? Why was it hinky all of a sudden? The fact that he was a retired Colonel shouldn’t make a difference in their relationship or in whom she thought he was. Matter of fact, knowing more about him made them even more compatible; they were both military and they had a lot in common. What she wouldn’t give to be able to sit down one-on-one with the formidable Colonel O’Neill and pick his brain about the Stargate, not to mention a variety of other military subjects. Of course that wasn’t going to happen, not now. Not after he’d gone and retired. He was officially off-limits when it came to the project, just as if he’d never been involved.

Rubbing her temples from the headache she was giving herself, she stuck those thoughts in the back of her mind and focused on the briefing ahead as she exited the elevator.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Monday night found Jack sprawled in his recliner staring mindlessly at the TV while his stomach twinged in discomfort. She was giving him a damn ulcer! Why hadn’t she called him back? Unless her work had sent her halfway across the universe, there was no good reason for her not to have returned his calls. Then he groaned at himself, he didn’t even know what she did or where. There was something very wrong about the way they’d started their ‘relationship’, somehow they’d gone about it all backwards, sex and then getting to know one another was just weird.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Twelve days later she checked her phone. There wasn’t a new message from him today. She frowned at the display. She called her voicemail box and listened to all eighteen messages he’d left previously. Each one sounding more concerned and agitated. Sighing, she deleted them all, disconnected the line and went back to work.


XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Three weeks. It had been twenty-one long, frustrating days since she’d cancelled their date and Jack was cleaning up the kitchen after he’d made his dinner. So far he hadn’t gone back to Murphy’s. He’d been tempted, but he hadn’t given in. He’d plugged along, exercising every day, dealing with the realtor since his offer on the house had finally been accepted and there was a mound of paperwork to sign. He’d done everything in his power to stay busy. Not that there was that much for a retired man in a tiny apartment to do.

The only thing he hadn’t done yet was to go shopping for furniture. He was putting that chore off until it was absolutely necessary. The house didn’t need to be habitable until he was actually in it.

So now, here he was, three weeks later at a complete loss as what to do with himself once he’d finished wiping down the counter.

He’d no sooner plopped into his easy chair and flipped the TV on, resigned to a night of boredom when a knock came at the door. Wondering who on earth would be coming by to see him; he got up and looked through the peephole. It was Samantha.

SAMANTHA!

Instantly he was filled with outrage. Yanking the door open so hard that the hinges squealed, he stood there and glared at her. Then he reached out, grabbed a hold of her arm and jerked her inside, slamming the door shut behind her. Shoving her up against the closed door, his mouth slanted punishingly against hers. His lips bruising hers with the force of his assault. His hands wrenched off her jacket before diving under her sweater and pinching her nipples roughly. Using his feet and legs, he forced her legs apart and then undid the button on her jeans and drug them down to her knees.

He finally released her mouth and she leaned against the door weakly, panting for air. Watching him as he withdrew himself from his pants, she gasped as he penetrated her fully. He stared down at her with anger, lust and hurt filling his eyes.

Reaching up with both hands she pulled his mouth down to hers and whispered, “I’m sorry,” before dipping her tongue into his mouth and mimicked the thrusts of his hips.

He tore his lips away and used one hand to grab her hair and pull back, exposing her neck to his not-so-tender ministrations. He bit along her shoulder and after several minutes of grunting and gasps, he felt her body surrender to him. Pounding erratically a few more times, his back arched sharply as his release came.

They stood there panting for who knew how long, their faces buried in one another necks.

She mumbled into his shirt, “There are going to be times when my job has me travel. There are going to be times when I won’t be able to call you, maybe for days or even weeks at a time. This wasn’t one of those times. This was me…panicking. I’ll try not to do it again.”

He snorted into her hair. “Just tell me before you go about what to expect, then I’ll be able to deal with it.”

She nodded back, not trusting her voice not to break as she struggled to hold back the tears at his unspoken forgiveness.

Pulling back away from her, he brushed away the wetness that hovered around the corner of her eyes.

“So are you going to tell me what you do for a living?”

“I work for the government.”

She’d decided that she was going to keep the AF thing quiet, not sure how he would react to that news. She still hadn’t determined why she felt…almost shy about telling him some of the more personal things about herself, especially her work situation. Maybe it was because now that she knew who he really was, the hero that he was, she was afraid that once he got to know the real her, that she would come up lacking in his eyes. She wasn’t some legendary officer with a successful mission record that spanned decades like him, and she was petrified that he wouldn’t be able to help himself pass some sort of judgment on her. It hadn’t been that long since he’d retired, and besides a Colonel never really retires. The military mindset is too ingrained to just dissipate because of a signature on a piece of paper. So, he was a still Colonel and she was just Captain. If he knew, then it would change them…maybe even force them apart. It had already affected their relationship, and she was the only one who knew. What would happen if they both knew? She wouldn't be able to bear it if she lost him. That was why she was there now, after she'd tried so hard to distance herself from him. Why she'd gritted her teeth and then sucked it up at the thought of stepping foot in his apartment again. He was worth it. What they had together, however odd and elusive it was, was worth it.

She prayed that the vagueness of ‘government’ would keep his questions at bay for a while. After all, doing what he’d been doing for the past ten years, he was well acquainted with hush-hush job issues. If she told him that she couldn’t talk about it, then he would hopefully accept it.

He looked at her skeptically and then shrugged, doubting he’d be able to drag it out of her tonight.

“You wanna watch some TV?”

“Ok, that sounds nice; I do have to be back to work early tomorrow morning though.”

“Fine, that just means we’ll have to go to bed early,” he said as he waggled his eyebrows at her.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Another week came and went with Sam coming to Jack’s apartment every night after work and leaving for the mountain early in the morning. They ate dinner together, watched TV, even worked out in the home gym together. That had been an adventure. She hadn’t realized that the Bo-flex machine was good for other…activities.

They talked a lot. It was amazing how much one can talk even when avoiding taboo subjects that reveal too much personal information. For instance, they didn’t talk about why he’d gotten divorced, just that he had. They didn’t talk about why Sam had moved around the country while she was growing up; just that she’d lived in a bunch of different places because of her Dad’s job. Work was the biggest off-limits subject of all. She still didn’t feel it was the right time to go into her career with the Air Force. Call her a lily-livered chicken, but she really….REALLY didn’t want to address that topic with him.

This weekend, he’d talked her into going furniture hunting with him since he was going to be getting the keys to the house on Wednesday. She’d protested, saying that she didn’t feel comfortable picking out stuff for his house. He just over rid her protestations, claiming he needed a ‘female’ perspective otherwise his house would be furnished with recliners, beer kegs and a giant screen TV. After blatantly looking around his pitiful apartment with disdain, she finally conceded that he needed her help.

They hit all the stores in town, even a few of the antique shops and she’d had a ball. She’d had to pick out her own furniture piece by piece as she could afford it, so this opportunity of almost carte blanche was an exciting quest. It was obvious early on that Jack had specific ideas about what was going to go in his house, so it wasn’t like she chose every item that was purchased, but she did get to influence him enough to keep it from looking like a bunch of frat boys lived there.

Seeing the house for the first time had been a shock. She’d sat there in his truck dumbfounded when they’d gone by to the get room and window measurements before their shopping spree. He explained to her Andrew’s part in the whole ‘showing up at Murphy’s that night before she shooed him inside with the tape measure while she dialed Andrew up on her cell.

Joining him inside before he’d completely finished the job, she was glad that he was kind enough to ignore her reddened eyes. Rooms and windows done, they took a few moments to stand out on the porch. The snow had crusted over and they made crunching sounds across the wood deck as they leaned on the railing, both of them staring out into the trees.

Jack slid an arm around her shoulders and gave her a quick squeeze.

“Maybe next week, we’ll take a hike out there and look around.”

“That sounds like fun,” she smiled up at him.

They stood for another minute or two before they headed out to find furnishings.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Wednesday came and Sam actually took the day off from work to help him move what few items he had at the apartment. She then stayed to help direct the multiple deliveries that were arriving. Between the two of them and the many drivers, they had the house organized and fully functional by dinner time.

“Remind me never to move again!” he moaned crashing onto his newly purchased couch, which was the perfect balance between soft and firm, wide and narrow for sleeping, watching TV, and making love on. He knew because he tried it out at the showroom, well he TRIED to try it out, but he only made it to second base when Samantha had finally managed to crawl out from beneath him all flustered and blushing. Damn she was cute when she blushed, which is what happened every time he sat his ass on another couch the entire rest of the day.

“Hey Jack?” she giggled.

“What?” he mumbled through the arm he’d thrown across his face.

“Don’t ever move again.”

A muffled groan followed by a new decorative pillow being tossed in her general direction was his response.

She dodged, still giggling when a loud crash from behind her startled her. Oh, crap. There went a lamp.

Silence stretched between them.

“Aw, hell I haven’t even been settled into the house for an hour! Do ya think home owners insurance will cover that?”

Now laughing hard, she fell onto the couch, sprawling over him in the process, “I don’t think so, Jack.”

“Crap.”

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Two weeks went by and they were the happiest she’d ever known. Stargate by day, Jack by night…it was heaven on earth. In the middle of the second week she told him that she was going to have to be gone for the next two days. A simulation was running, not that she could tell him that, and he hadn’t questioned her, but had promised her a surprise when she ‘got home’. Boy did that sound good. Not the surprise…well, of course that sounded great, but the getting home part. It had been years since a house had felt like a home to her. And Jack’s house did. It felt like home.

Sad to say, her simulation didn’t hold as much interest for her as she anticipated. And when the design went bust, she was happy! Yes happy, because that meant she was able to leave base and go…home.

Jack’s surprise was a viewing deck on the roof. He built it in the two days she’d been gone. It still needed to be varnished, but that would have to wait until summer. Showing off his very advanced telescope, she didn’t have the heart to tell him that she was an astrophysicist as he explained how the lens worked. He was such a sweetheart. She ooh’d and ah’d in all the right spots, and when he revealed that he had a picnic supper consisting of food being kept warm in thermoses, she almost cried.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The next week they spent almost every night after dinner looking at the stars.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Another week later, she told him that she had to go to Washington for work and would be gone at least a week, maybe two. Promising to call him as often as she could and making sure he had the number at Andrew’s place, she kissed him goodbye and headed for the airport.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Washington was as boring as hell and she missed Jack desperately, although it wasn’t all bad to see Andrew again. She ended up spending almost three weeks there. It was definitely three weeks too long in her opinion. The powers that be were chomping at the bit to get more use out of the Stargate. She had to explain only about a zillion times that they were doing everything in their power to get it functioning again. It was still too early to tell if Abydos was the only place that the wormhole could go to. Of course, the Generals didn’t want to hear explanations or excuses, they wanted results. When Hammond finally ordered her back to Cheyenne Mountain to get back to work, she didn’t even bother to call Jack and let him know. She just snatched up her luggage and hopped the first flight out.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Colorado Springs was still cold and snow-covered when her plane landed. She still hadn’t called to tell Jack when she was getting in because the weather had been so terrible at O’Hare that she thought for sure that she was going to get stranded in Chicago. Luckily, she finally caught a break and they took off after only being delayed an hour.

It was late afternoon by the time she dropped her luggage off at her quarters and grabbed a quick shower before heading off to the house to surprise Jack and take him out to dinner.

When she got there, she let herself in quietly, wondering if he was there. She really did want to surprise him but hadn’t thought she’d really get away with it given his past. Setting her keys down on the entry table, she slipped out of her shoes. Tiptoeing down the steps into the living room, she peered around the corner but he wasn’t there. Hmm. She crept down the hallway, just knowing that he could hear her breathing. When had she started breathing so loudly?

Gently turning the doorknob, she slowly eased the door open. A giant grin spread across her face. He’d apparently been reading in bed because his glasses were still perched on the end of his nose but his book had fallen down onto his chest. It was amazing how the lines of his face seemed to vanish when he was asleep; he looked twenty years younger.

Moving to the bed, she stripped as quietly as possible before slipping under the covers and snuggling up to his warmth. He sighed sleepily as she moved the book out of the way. Kissing him on the cheek made him turn his head towards her.

“You’re home?” he murmured.

“Mm-hm,” she answered, nuzzling his neck delicately.

“Wait,” he cleared his throat and sat up, “You’re home!”

“Yes, Jack. I’m home, safe and sound.”

He grinned over the top of his glasses at her. “You’re really home!”

Rolling her eyes at him, she reached up and pulled his face down to hers and pressed a kiss onto his lips.

“There, is that proof enough?”

“Um, I think I’m going to need a lot more convincing that this isn’t a really vivid dream.”

After that there wasn’t very much talking. There was kissing and touching and biting and licking and thrusting and squirming...but the only sounds coming out of their mouths could not be described as intelligible.

Afterwards, as they lay in each other’s arms, a sense of peace came over them. They both felt...complete when they were together, like something had been missing their entire lives until now.

Samantha suddenly gasped harshly.

“What?” asked Jack instantly.

“My side, I just felt this....OUCH!”

“Samantha!”

“Sharp, stabbing pain...right side!” she panted, trying to catch her breath as the intense stabs kept coming.

“Shit! It’s probably your appendix!”

“I...thought...on...left...”

“Who cares what the fuck side it’s on? You can’t even speak!”

Jack jumped up and threw on some clothes before wrapping her in his robe and a blanket for warmth and then rushing her out to his truck.

“Ambulance?” she asked.

“It’d take too long; the hospital’s just a few miles away.”

Gunning the engine, he whipped the truck across the yard and onto the street, since her car had blocked him in. Thankful that the snowplow had made it down their street the day before, he flew across the sanded thoroughfare, hoping that between the grit and his four-wheel drive they wouldn’t end up in a snow bank.

When he chanced a glance at Samantha, her face was as white as the icy stuff outside, beads of sweat were plastered across her brow and her lips were almost blue from the pain.

“I’m gonna be sick!” she moaned and then threw up all over his robe and the blanket he’d covered her in.

“Hold on angel, we’re almost there!”

With tires screeching, he pulled under the covered entrance and slammed the gearshift into park. Yelling for help as he raced around the front of the truck, he opened the door and lifted her out. He’d made it to the automatic doors when a cluster of hospital personnel met him with a gurney.

Almost unable to keep up with the rapid-fire questions being shot at him from multiple people, he answered to the best of his ability as they wheeled her into the emergency room. A nurse showed him a corner to stand in as the rest of the gown covered staff huddled around Samantha’s still form.

“She’s unresponsive doctor!” Jack heard another nurse say.

Numbers and multiple syllable words were flying about the room and then everyone scattered as a large machine was wheeled up to one side.

Praying that he wouldn’t have a heart attack because his heart was racing so fast, he watched the scene unfold like it was in a movie. There’d only been one other time in his life that he’d felt this helpless and it made his skin crawl to be feeling it again. He was much better with crises when there was something he could do. Standing idly by was not his idea of fun.

The machine beeped and weird sounds poured out of it.

“Well, it’s not her appen...wait...there! Call up and get an OR ready STAT!”

“Doc?” Jack finally ventured as one woman picked up a phone and started barking into it while the rest of the team unlocked the wheels of the gurney and prepared to roll Samantha out of the room.

“Mr. Carter, you’ll need to come with us, you can sign a consent form as we go, and then Kelly will show you where the surgical waiting room is.

“What the hell is wrong with her Doc?”

“Oh, I’m sorry Mr. Carter, your wife is pregnant, but I’m afraid...”

“Wait! Did you just say Samantha is pregnant?”

“Yes, but I’m afraid it’s not good news. The fetus isn’t attached in her uterus where it’s supposed to be. The ultrasound showed that it’s in her right fallopian tube and we need to remove it immediately.”

“Remove it? You mean...abort the baby?”

“Yes, I’m sorry Mr. Carter, but it’s a matter of life and death for your wife. If we don’t do this right now, the tube will burst, she’ll hemorrhage and then...”

Jack nodded dully as they crammed into the elevator.

A nurse thrust a clipboard into his hands and he could only stare down blankly as the words swam in front of his eyes.

“Sir, I don’t mean to rush you, but we need you to sign this right now so we can take her in.”

Jack forced back the tears and signed away the life of his child to save the life of his lover.

Following the group blindly he stood for several minutes after the double doors to the OR section shut in front of him, leaving him in the hallway all alone before wobbling over to the waiting room that had been pointed out to him. He sat down heavily in one of the vinyl covered overstuffed chairs buried his face in his hands and wept.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jack was thankful that nobody else was in the waiting room right then, because he completely lost if for about fifteen minutes. Bawled like a goddamn girl. He knew that the doctor only had Samantha’s best interest at heart, but the harsh reality of finding out that she was pregnant and that the baby, HIS baby, was killing her and the only way to fix it was to ‘remove’ the fetus was too much. He’d never hated a word quite so much before; remove. That’s what you do to gum that’s stuck to the bottom of your shoe, not what you did to a precious, newly-conceived life.

The loss of his son Charlie was still too fresh in his mind and in his heart to be able to take this. He hadn’t even known about this possibility of a child until mere minutes ago and already he was mourning his...her loss.

So he did the only thing he could, he waited. Waited for someone to come and tell him that at least Samantha was going to be ok, that there was some silver lining to be found on this terrifyingly dark cloud.

Several hours later, the doctor came out to tell him that Samantha had come through the procedure as well as could be hoped for. He’d been able to save the tube; they’d reached it before it had ruptured, so he’d only had to make a small incision in her navel. She would be ready to leave the recovery room in about a half an hour and Jack could wait in the room she’d been assigned to.

When the doctor asked if he had any other questions, Jack hesitated a moment before asking,

“How far along was she?”

“She was just over twelve weeks along.”

Stunned, Jack stared at him. The doctor shook his hand and mumbled, “I’m so sorry for your loss.”

As he turned away to leave, Jack said, “I know it’s kind of early, but could you tell...if...?”

“A girl, Mr. Carter, she was a perfect little girl. Ten fingers, ten toes, two ovaries.”

Tears threatened again as Jack nodded his thanks, unable to get the words of gratitude out of his mouth.

He headed towards the elevator to go wait in the room where Samantha would stay as soon as she awakened.

When he got there, he was relieved to see that it was a private room and immediately called Andrew.

Andrew had barely answered the phone when he heard a harsh sob on the line.

“Why didn’t she tell me?”

“Jack? What’s wrong? Is it...”

“Why the fuck didn’t she tell me she was pregnant?”

“WHAT? What the hell are you talking about?”

“Samantha just came out of surgery for a tubal pregnancy, Andrew. She came home this afternoon, we...and then she started having these terrible pains. We thought it was her appendix, so I brought her to the hospital, but it wasn’t her appendix! She was PREGNANT and she didn’t TELL ME!”

“Jack! I’m sure she couldn’t have known! She would’ve gone to see her doctor if she’d taken a home pregnancy test and they would’ve discovered that it was ectopic. They would’ve taken it then, before it had a chance to rupture her tube.”

“STOP CALLING MY BABY ‘IT’! She was a girl, the doc said. A perfect little girl.”

Jack must have thrown the phone down, because all Andrew could hear was muffled sounds and he wasn’t responding to Andrew yelling his name loudly.

After a few minutes, he finally heard the phone being picked up.

“I’m sorry, Jack. I didn’t know that she was a little girl. But listen to me! JACK!”

“Yeah, I’m listening.”

“I know this is hard for you. I KNOW! But you have to get control of yourself before you see Samantha. I’m telling you that she DIDN’T know. How that can be if she was far enough along that the doctor was able to tell the gender, I don’t know. But this isn’t something she would hide from anybody. Did you hear me?”

“Yeah.”

“She’s going to be loopy from the anesthesia, so you’ve got to tell her gently do you hear me? Gently!”

Sighing dejectedly, Jack nodded his head.

“Jack?”

“Twelve weeks, he said she was twelve weeks along.”

“I’m so sorry, Jack!”

“Me too, Andrew, me too.”

He heard a noise from the hall and the door was pushed open. “She’s here, Andrew. I’ll call you back!” he said and slammed the phone down before getting out of the way of the staff entering the room.

So much for her being alert, she didn’t even open her eyes when they shifted her onto the bed.

“She’s still a bit groggy, Mr. Carter, but that’s normal. Give her another hour or so and she should be wide awake,” the nurse told him.

“Thank you,” he mumbled, the ‘Mr. Carter’ finally registering. He opened his mouth to correct her, but then decided why bother. If they found out that he wasn’t her husband, they might not let him stay in the room.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Sitting in the corner, as far away from her bed as he could get, he watched her breathe. There were dark circles under her eyes and she looked exhausted. The stress of the surgery was evident in her face.

He hoped that Andrew was right, that she hadn’t known about her pregnancy and hadn’t been keeping their baby a secret...like everything else she kept from him. Resolutely he decided that this holding back crap was over. She was going to come clean with everything, her job, her friends, and her family; all of it! He wasn’t going to let her stick him in some compartment of her life and keep him separated from all the rest of it.

While he was thinking just how he was going to get her to bare her soul to him, he heard her whisper.

“Jack?”

Taking a deep breath, he stood up and moved into her line of vision.

“I’m here, angel.”

“I’m thirsty,” she told him blinking her eyes slowly and trying to focus on his face.

“The nurse said that you could only have ice chips right now, here let me...” he offered her a spoonful from the cup on the bedside table.

After crunching her way through the mouthful, she said in a stronger voice, “the pain is gone.”

“Did they talk to you in the recovery room?” he asked.

“They just asked me to tell them my name and some other stuff; the nurse said the doctor was going to tell me how the procedure went once I was more awake. Oh, and they said my dad was here.”

“Your dad?”

“Yeah, they kept calling him Mr. Carter.”

“They must have meant me. When I gave them your name in the ER, they assumed we were married and that Carter was our last name. Once I realized what had happened I didn’t correct it because I was afraid they wouldn’t let me see you.”

“Oh.”

Sam looked intently at his face. Something was very, very wrong. The last time she’d seen him look that upset had been the night she’d first met him at Murphy’s.

“What’s wrong, Jack. Tell me what happened.”

He stared down at her face. It was filled with trepidation and concern. Surely if she’d known that she was pregnant she would have asked about the baby by now. Andrew had been right, she hadn’t known.

Fear shot through Sam as Jack studied her intently, “Tell me!” she almost cried.

“It wasn’t your appendix that was causing the pain.”

Confusion warred with anxiety, “it wasn’t?”

“It was because...you had a tubal pregnancy. The baby was attached...”

“WHAT? I wasn’t pregnant! I couldn’t be. I just had my period two weeks ago. It was spotty and I had worse cramps than usual, but it was still my period!”

“Yes, you were Samantha. The doctor had to make an incision and remove the baby or your fallopian tube would have ruptured and you would have bled to death.”

“No. It’s not possible.” She folded her arms and turned her head away from him. “I was NOT pregnant! I would have KNOWN!”

Sighing, he climbed up onto the bed and pulled her into his arms. “Shh,” he comforted her. “We’ll get through this. The doc said he was able to save the tube, so there won’t be any major complications you’ll have to deal with...physically.”

“It’s not true!”

He rocked her gently as she continued to feebly protest. Tears were streaming down both of their faces when the doctor knocked on the door and poked his head in.

“Mrs. Carter...oh, do I need to give you a few minutes?”

“No, come on in doc,” Jack beckoned gratefully as he slid off the bed. “It seems we have some questions.”

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Hours later, Jack was sprawled in the chair snoring as a nurse came in and woke Sam up to take her vital signs. When she was done, Sam continued to watch him as he slept. He looked like he’d been in a war zone.

Guilt saturated every pore of her body. Guilt because somehow her body had betrayed them both and she’d lost their child. Guilt because deep down she felt a sliver of relief that she wouldn’t have to carry the baby to term. She wasn’t ready to be a mother. What kind of mother would she have been if she didn’t even know that she was three months pregnant? How self-absorbed was she anyway? There were signs, some contradictory, but signs never-the-less. Guilt because in one swoop she’d changed their relationship and Jack had been thrust into taking responsibility for her and a child that neither of them had planned on. Dipping her head into her pillow, she sobbed silently until the pain killers and exhaustion lulled her back to sleep.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Several days later, she was sitting on the couch at Jack’s house. He was worried about her because she’d been so quiet since being released from the hospital. She’d called her job so she had another week off before she had to show back up for work and that was what he wanted to talk to her about. It was time for her to talk, about everything.

Looking back in hindsight, he probably should have approached her a little less aggressively, but he was serious about wanting in on her life.

“Samantha, the secrets have to stop!”

She looked up at him blank-faced.

“You have to tell me...”

“What do you want to know?”

“Everything!”

“I can’t tell you.”

“You have to, because if you don’t....”

He was going to say it would drive him insane, but she interrupted him before he could get the words out.

“You’ll what, Jack?” she asked coldly, “break up with me? I think I’ll save you the trouble!”

He stood there stunned as she got up and left the room. Catching himself, he ran after her.

She’d made it to her car, when he grabbed her arm and turned her to face him.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

“Let go.”

“NO!”

“Please, Jack,” she sobbed, “let me go!”

His heart broke as he released her arm and she fumbled with the keys to unlock the door and turn the engine over.

“Samantha....” he begged, but she just put the car into reverse, backed out and disappeared down the street.

He stood out in the cold for a long time, not even noticing when his hands turned red and then blue. He stood out there hoping to see her car return, hoping that she was just in another panic and would come back to him. Hoping that he hadn’t lost both his child and her mother in the same week. Hoping that she couldn’t be that cruel.

Barely able to walk on his stiffened legs, he stumbled into the house when the sun vanished and an overwhelming darkness fell.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

For the next few weeks Jack functioned like a zombie, chopping wood for the fireplace, shoveling the snow off the driveway, puttering through the house, cleaning it with zeal uncommon to his normal routine.

He called Andrew the night she stormed off. Andrew’s advice for the moment was to be patient, not one of Jack’s stronger character traits, and that Samantha was still reeling from her emotions. He could understand that. Recalling how he shoved Sara away after Charlie’s death helped him to put her behavior into perspective. So he was patient.

He called and left messages on her cell phone every few days. Just telling her that he loved her, asking that she call him or to just come home when she felt like she could. But he waited in vain for a response.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Two months later, Samantha was at the grocery store. She recently made a bunch of new geek friends at the vaulted MIT where they were working on her new probe design. It was one of the projects that the bigwigs in DC were still willing to fund. They already started down-sizing the staff at the mountain, intent on leaving only a skeleton security crew. Sam was about the only one who still came and went from the complex and even she was being reassigned to DC after this next trip to Cambridge.

She turned down the aisle that contained the chocolate-covered pretzels that her new friends at MIT raved over. They couldn’t get that particular brand in the east and so she was stocking up on them to use as bribes...um...incentives for the nerdy engineers. Intent on loading up her cart with every single container on the shelf, she didn’t even notice that the man who’d been perusing the microwave popcorn started advancing towards her.

“Samantha.”

She jumped almost a foot in the air at the sound of Jack’s voice.

“Jaa-aack,” she stuttered.

He opened his mouth to say something clever, but his mind suddenly went blank.

Shame made her blush vividly and she dropped her eyes from his gaze. She didn’t even know how he could stand to look at her. She was an awful person, and she’d treated him harshly and coldly, again.

The ache in her chest from missing him almost took her breath away, and tears started flowing down her face.

He stepped around her cart and wrapped his arms around her as his mind screamed at him to run away as fast as he could, but his heart begged him to stay.

Keeping one arm around her as she sobbed into his chest, he tossed his box of popcorn into her cart and guided her out of the store to his truck.

Sam clung to him with desperation when he tried to put her in. “There’s something I want to show you,” he said as he helped her in.

When he got in the driver’s side, she was already in the middle of the seat and she wrapped herself around him again as soon as he was settled. He kissed the top of her head and drove out of the parking lot.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Sam finally looked up when he put the truck into park and turned off the engine. Gazing around in confusion, she saw that they were at the cemetery, and he’d stopped in front of a small stone chapel.

“C’mon.”

He led her inside, where the sun filtered dimly through the stained glass windows. Pausing about halfway down on the right side was a small memorial plaque that read,

‘In memory of Bryna Colleen Carter-O’Neill’

“I wanted to talk to you before I...but...ahem. They’re raising money to restore this chapel so I made a donation in her name. I chose Bryna Colleen because it means ‘strong girl’. I hope...well, I just wanted you to see it,” he said hesitantly.

He’d chosen this place because you could see the chapel from where Charlie was buried and it gave him some small comfort to know that Bryna’s big brother was watching over her. He started to tell Samantha, but then hesitated, not wanting to add his burden to her own. Now wasn’t the time for sharing that with her.

“It’s beautiful Jack. Thank you for showing me.”

He stepped back a few feet, allowing her some space and privacy as she stood mesmerized by the tiny testament to their daughter’s existence.

Watching her in the muted and colored light made his heart pound at her beauty. God he loved her, despite everything she’d done or hadn’t done. Despite the pain she caused him by always running away from him when things got scary, he was a better man for knowing her, a better man for loving her.

“My feelings haven’t changed. I’m still in love with you,” his voice seemed to echo in the serene silence.

Startled, she whipped her head around and gave him a deer-in-the-headlights look.

Shit. He was so stupid. Things were actually moving in the general direction of ‘good’ and then he’d screwed it all up by pushing her.

“I know,” she finally responded after a full minute of silence. “I still...I...I think you’d better take me back to the store now.”

He crossed into her personal space and pulled her into a kiss. His mouth showed her how much he still loved her and she responded to him unhesitatingly. With his tongue invading her mouth and being as gentle as he could make himself be after months of deprivation, he pulled her deeper and deeper into his web.

Her lips were swollen and she was panting when he finally allowed her to come up for air.

“Tell me you don’t love me!” he demanded. “TELL ME!”

“It’s not that simple Jack,” she said with tears filling her eyes again.

“Yes, it is.”

“I...I’m moving back to Washington.”

“What?” he asked stunned.

“My job...”

“Fuck your damn job! Stay with me.”

“I can’t.”

“Why not? You love me. I know you do!”

“I do,” she said reaching out and placing her hand on his arm to keep him from turning away from her. “I do love you.”

“Then stay with me!” he begged, drawing her into his embrace and wrapping his arms around her tightly.

“I can’t.”

“Because of your damn job” he said bitterly.

“Please, Jack. I...”

“Why do you insist on keeping things so secret? Whatever it is can’t be that horrific. Do you think that I’ll despise you for what you do?”

“Just...I can’t tell you now, maybe soon. Maybe...I don’t know. I know I don’t want to go through more months like these, but I don’t know how else to go on.”

Silence fell between them. Each lost in their own thoughts while they contemplated their screwed up lives and even more fucked up relationship.

“When do you leave?”

“Tonight.”

“TONIGHT?”

“Yes, I have a...project to oversee back east for a few weeks before I finally end up in DC.”

Defeated, he walked away from her and reached up to stroke the smooth edge of the plaque on the wall. Minutes later, he finally spoke. “We’ll still be here no matter how long it takes for you to come back home to us.” Then he walked out of the chapel and Sam trailed behind him to the truck.

He took her back and dropped her off next to her car in the grocery store parking lot, only allowing her to give him a brief peck goodbye before roaring away.

Sam felt like shit and got into her car bleary-eyed, completely forgetting the bribes for the engineers. She returned to the mountain anxious to put as much distance as possible between her aching heart and the man who still loved her.

‘Duty’ was the mantra she drummed through her head during that short drive. She couldn’t just say to hell with it all, no matter how much she wanted to. She had a duty to do and right now duty was making her choose between her country’s secrets and the man of her dreams. Duty was fucked up.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Sam cried as she stood in line at the Colorado Springs airport security checkpoint. Flashing her military ID saved her from getting every single body cavity searched because of her suspicious behavior. She cried on the plane and through the long walk to her connecting gate at O’Hare, she cried on the second flight and was still crying as she jumped into a cab to head off to her hotel near MIT. The desk clerk asked her several times if she was all right, concerned because of her red eyes and splotchy face. She cried as she ironed her uniform for the next day, during her shower and even as she brushed her teeth as she got ready for bed.

Not until she climbed in between the cool cotton sheets did she stop. Her head ached and her mouth was bone dry because all of her body fluids had drained out through her nose and eyes. Her body heaved and shuddered in response to all of the emotions she’d released until she finally fell asleep.

The next morning she felt as if she had a hangover. Struggling through the day of eager young minds flitting from one idea to another, she went through the motions of actually caring about the probe project that would most likely never be used.

A week went by, and she was still depressed so when she woke up in the middle of the night after a bad dream, without even thinking twice about it she picked up the phone and dialed.


XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

After Jack dropped Samantha off at her car, he headed home, driving faster and faster as he went, getting more and more furious about the whole ‘situation’ the further away from her he got. Going straight to the fridge, he grabbed a beer and after flinging the cap to the floor he drained it in one gulp and reached for another. Flipping the cap to join its brother, he stomped into the living room and plunked the bottle down on the coffee table, making foam spill down the sides to puddle on the wood surface before proceeding to chuck several logs into the fireplace to get a blaze going. Not that he needed a fire, since it was summer time. It was just something to focus on, something inanimate to vent his anger on. He paced back and forth, stopping to use the poker to prod and stir the embers, making sparks fly up the chimney. Slamming the tool back into its holder, he stomped over to the stereo and shuffled through his CD’s. Finding the one he wanted, he cranked the volume high and flung himself onto the couch, guzzling the beer and letting the hard rock music wash over him as he began to sweat from the fire burning both inside his gut and out.

Pissed off and heartbroken, he couldn’t believe how he’d begged her, literally had begged her to stay. And she’d turned him down flat. He’d known all along that whatever this weird thing between them was would end up in the toilet. He wasn’t any good at relationships. Neither was she apparently. Why the hell had Andrew brought them together? They both would have moved on and lived with regrets before, but now...after getting to know her, even as little as she allowed him to, loving and touching each other, not only in body but in soul and then losing their child was just too painful. Damn Andrew! Damn Samantha! What a cold-hearted bitch! And damn him too, because god help them both, even as angry as he was and as bitter as he knew he was on his way to becoming, he still loved her.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Her heart pounded and her mouth was instantly dry as she listened to the phone cut off mid-ring as the receiver was picked up.

“’lo,” answered his sleepy voice.

“I miss you,” she whispered.

The silence made her stomach lurch waiting for his response, and she was almost afraid that he’d hung up on her until she realized that she could hear his breathing.

“Good.” he ground out in a harsh tone and then the black hole of nothingness stretched out again.

“You’ve got balls, I’ll give you that,” he said when he finally spoke again.

“Wha-at?” she asked, confused.

“Guts, cojones, spunk, audacity, nerve...”

“Oh.”

“What made you think you could just call me up whenever you wanted. Especially at...Christ, it’s one am!”

“I...”

“What, are you having dreams about me and want me to finish the job?” he insinuated. “Tell you that I’m touching you, running my hands all over your body, pressing my lips against your throat?”

“Nn..noo,” she swallowed hard. She hadn’t thought of that. Not until he said it anyways.

“Well I won’t do it! I don’t care how much you beg me; I’m not going to give you the satisfaction.”

She lay there in her bed, trying to think of any image except him lying in his bed naked and hard. Shit, now she was wet and that wasn’t why she called at all. Was it?

“So what did you call me in the middle of the night for?”

“I miss you.”

It was always wise to fall back on an original thought.

“I’ll just bet you do. Hot, young thing like you probably has dozens of young studs floating around and not one of them can satisfy you like I can,” he ranted, “but you’re the one who chose to waltz off to the sophisticated east coast following that life-defining career that you refuse to reveal. That oh-so-important job that makes you throw away...” he trailed off.

Great, if he kept this up he’d be the one in tears. Hurt and bitterness battled as he struggled to keep from screaming the words ‘I love you, please come home’, determined that hell itself would have to freeze over before he said those words to her again.

Minutes passed before finally Sam spoke. “Jack?”

“What?” he responded gruffly.

“Tell me what you did today.”

“What?”

“Please, I just want to hear your voice,” a sob caught in her throat, “I don’t care if you yell at me or cuss me out or whatever, just please talk to me.”

He paused a moment, and for a second she thought he really was going to slam the phone down on her, but then he began to tell her about his day.

“I didn’t do a whole lot today. Woke up at sunrise, ate breakfast and then packed a lunch to take out on a hike out back. Saw a bunch of deer, rabbits, and squirrels. Even saw some bear sign farther up. The weather was cooperative, not too hot out in the forest so I didn’t have to worry about heat stroke, since I really didn’t want to carry more than a couple liters of water with me. I was hoping to maybe see some evidence of the mountain lion that’s supposedly been terrorizing the Gilbert’s dogs a couple of streets over. Don’t know that I really believe Ron though; I think he needs glasses or something. When I talked to him at the gas station a few days ago, he said that something big had been getting in his garbage cans at night. I told him to put them in his garage until trash day, then he wouldn’t have to...”

He rambled on and on finally pausing when her heard her deep and even breathing.

“Samantha?”

Great, she’d fallen asleep, he’d been so boring. Why had he kept on? Why hadn’t he asked her where she was or anything to actually draw her into a conversation? No, the smooth and suave Jack O’Neill had bitched and berated her before sending her off to la-la land with his boring old retired-man anecdotes. Perfect, that was the way to woo her home.

“Samantha, hang up the phone.”

The sound that she uttered over the line was a cross between a murmured acquiescence and a sigh. It went straight to his groin and made his little colonel become re-activated for duty. Peachy, that’s just what he needed, a hard on.

“I wish you were here to take care of this problem you just caused,” he muttered.

Another moan from her side sent flashes of her sprawled across his bed naked parading through his mind. Oh, and like THAT was going to help matters.

“Angel, you’re killing me here, hang up the phone…please!” he groaned.

“Jack,” she whispered, finally rousing from her doze by his tone, “I miss you.”

“You said that already,” he reminded her as he adjusted himself to a more comfortable position in his shorts. “What’s your point?”

“I can’t sleep without you, I can’t eat…I…I miss you,” she admitted.

“And that’s my problem how?”

“It’s not.”

Static reigned over the phone line for several more minutes. Each of them just listening to the other breathe.

“I can’t sleep if I’m not touching you, not resting my head in the crook of your arm, not pressing up against you with our legs intertwined…”

“Stop it!” he growled at her, “how DARE you! Just what the hell do ya think you’re doing? Goddammit Samantha! YOU’RE the one who ran away…AGAIN. YOU’RE the one who left this ‘relationship’ by the fucking wayside, so don’t you DARE try and start this back up again over the goddamn phone! If you want me, if you LOVE me, then bring your ass the fuck HOME!”

Hearing her gasp, he had a sudden inkling about just where her hand was as he yelled at her. Stifling his own groan, he remembered that drunken night when she’d found out that he was still married. The rougher and harsher he’d gotten, the more she’d liked it. And that memory made his dick even harder. Shit. He apparently was not getting off the phone until one or both of them had come. Was that her intention? Is that why she called him up in the middle of the night? If he had any sense, he’d hang up on her selfish little ass. Oh god, her tight little ass! Dammit.

Feeling like a hypocrite, his hand slipped under the waist band and he stroked himself.

“Do you think this is gonna work?” he asked her coldly. “Do you think I’m just gonna boss you the fuck around so you can get off? Is that what you think angel? You are so wrong. I’m not gonna tell you that if you were here right now, that I’d have you up on the roof pushed up against the railing next to the telescope. Not going to tell you that I’d have one of my hands tangled in your hair forcing you to look up at the stars, that my dick would be in your goddamn perfect ass while my other hand stroked your clit. That I’d pound into you so hard that you’d be picking splinters out of your skin for days. No, I’m not gonna say that to you, because you don’t deserve my words. You don’t deserve my love. Do you?”

Sam could barely pant out “no” as she rubbed herself. Dipping her fingers deep inside, she drew out the wetness and then circled her little bud. She was seconds away; she could feel the sensations start to creep through her nerve endings.

“But if I did say those things,” Jack gasped as his hand worked harder, “I’d tell you that in that instant before you came, I’d stop for a moment and bite your shoulder as hard as I could. You’d like that wouldn’t you angel? You have a thing for biting, don’t you!” Then he stopped talking because his brain refused to cooperate as his body jerked and released his fluids all over his shorts and sheets.

The keening sound from hundreds of miles away echoed across the line when the blood pounding through his ears faded enough for him to hear. Goddamn her, she’d gotten what she wanted from him.

He forced back the tears that pricked his eyes. Christ, he wanted her there with him; wanted to be shooting his load inside of her. What he would give to try and get her pregnant for a second time. He wondered if he would even have the chance to again. With that depressing thought, he asked her bitterly, “now that you got what you wanted from me, am I allowed to go back to sleep?”

“Oh, Jack, I didn’t call for phone sex! I love you and I…I know you don’t believe me, but I miss you so much! I just needed to hear your voice…and…if I could, I would come home. I would! It’s just that right now, I can’t. I know that I’ve let you down. I’ve let myself down. I want us to work; I want us to be together. I know that I’ve asked a lot from you, that I’ve hurt you horribly and that this wasn’t the first time, but please…just be a little more patient. I’m trying to work it out so that we can be together. I’ve got a plan and as soon as I get to Washington, I’m going to try and put it into action. So please…I’m begging you…don’t give up on me yet…wait for me.”

She waited breathlessly for him to react, her heart in her throat as she worried how he would respond to her torrent of words. Finally, he answered her.

“I said I would wait when we were in the chapel. That hasn’t changed, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it. That doesn’t mean you can use me for a damn long distance booty call. So don’t call me again if this is what you’re after.”

“I won’t Jack,” she said, smiling at his words. He really would wait for her like he said he would. That was all she wanted to hear. “But I will call you whenever I want to talk to you, even if it’s in the middle of the night.”

“Whatever,” he said as he tried to hide the spark of hope that flickered in his heart. She was really going to try and find a way to come home! He shook his head to clear it. Samantha was like a freaking rollercoaster ride, one second he was screaming with terror, the next he was having the time of his life. Damn woman.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Three weeks later, she was standing at attention in General Hammond’s office deep under the mountain.

“But sir, the mission is all but scrubbed!”

“I’m sorry Captain, but we just can’t let you go right now, even though things aren’t exactly hopping around here. You’re still our resident expert on an alien device. Did you really think that the Air Force would accept your resignation?”

“Yes, sir! According to Article…”

“Yes, I know what the regulations say Captain, but there is also a clause that overrides that particular section.” He paused a moment, looking at her dejected face before asking, “Does this have something to do with your hospital stay several months ago?”

“Yessir,” she nodded crisply.

“Then I’m truly sorry to tell you that your resignation has been declined Captain and you are to return to the Pentagon immediately. Dismissed.”

Not trusting her voice under the circumstances, she snapped off a salute, pivoted and walked out the door, out of the mountain and got onto a military flight to DC. She looked down on the small city of Colorado Springs as they took off. Seeing his house in the distance, she whispered dejectedly, “I tried Jack, I really tried!”

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

“So what did Sammie call you about last night?” Bill West asked his wife over the newspaper as he waited for her to finish making breakfast.

“She was pretty upset. She said that General Hammond had denied her resignation a few weeks ago.”

“Her WHAT?” he asked in astonishment, the paper forgotten as he crumpled it in his lap.

“See, Bill, that’s why she didn’t want to talk to you. She didn’t want censure or judgment, or even advice. She just needed to vent.”

“Why the hell would she try and resign? The Air Force is her life!”

“Because she’s in love,” Martha sighed.

“WHAT? In love? With WHO? I didn’t even think she’s had time to meet somebody, let alone fall in love! Why the hell am I always left out of the loop?”

“Some retired Air Force Colonel she met while she was stationed at the Springs.”

“Did she give you a name?”

Martha looked at her husband pointedly, “Really Bill, must you be so…archaic?”

“And who else is there to be…archaic? Her father? Like he would give a rat’s ass,” he mumbled to himself and tried to straighten out the paper when it became obvious that Martha wasn’t going to be giving up anything anytime soon.

They were almost through with breakfast when Martha said out of the blue, “She told me something else.”

“Oh, what was that?” he asked around his last bite of food.

“That she’d gotten pregnant by this man, but lost the baby.”

Eggs flew everywhere. Martha was glad she was sitting next to him and not across from him as she looked on in amusement.

“PREGNANT?”

“Yes, dear, you know that sometimes happens when a man and a woman...”

“AHH!” he yelled, scrunching up his face at her and waving a hand to cut her off. “Just give me the bastard’s name!” he said in an angry voice.

“O’Neill, a Colonel Jonathan ‘Jack’ O’Neill.”

He stared at her, stunned into speechlessness.

“Yes, I thought you might like to know that one of our good friends was diddling our goddaughter, but anyways…she says she loves him.”

“Does she now?” he asked absently as his mind evaluated and discarded several scenarios of death for his good old buddy Jack O’Neil. They weren’t painful enough; he’d have to look up some more in one of his old tactical war books.

“More importantly, that he loves her.”

Bill stared at her again. “He told her that?”

“Yes. He wants her to come live with him, told her to quit her job for him.”

“He WHAT? That rotten, selfish, son of a…”

“Now just a minute, Bill. Calm down honey, I can see the veins in your forehead. You’re going to give yourself a stroke over this.”

“I’m gonna kill him!”

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It was a cool fall night, just over a year since he’d gone to Abydos, and Jack was staring at its faint yet still distinguishable flickering light through his telescope. He wished Samantha were here with him. The last time they’d talked, she’d said that she had something important to tell him, something that would shed light on what was taking so long for her to come home. She was supposed to be able to get a few days off in the next week or so and she was going to come see him.

They’d been keeping in touch over the phone since that strange but now wonderful night more than two months ago. They didn’t talk every day, but it was enough, for now. He wanted so much more, but they were worth the wait, especially since Samantha had decided to fight for them to be together. Wishing she would just TELL him already what the hell the hold up was, he sighed because he knew that she wanted to discuss it in person. He just wanted to KNOW. His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a car pulling up in his driveway. His heart raced as the thought that maybe it was her flew across his mind. He knew it shouldn’t be, but there was still that irrational hope that was dashed to bits as he heard two car doors slam shut.

He waited as they knocked on his front door and rang the bell impatiently. Trying to eavesdrop on their muttered conversation, he wondered what the hell was so important that would cause two grown men to act like they had ants in their pants.

“Sir, there's a ladder over here,” offered one to the other.

He waited silently as one of them climbed up.

“Colonel Jack O'Neill?”

“Retired,” Jack retorted, not bothering to look back at the man who’d just invaded his property.

“I'm Major Samuels.”

“Air Force?”

“Yes, sir. I'm the General's executive officer.”

“A little piece of advice, Major?” he offered, still looking through the telescope. “Get re-assed to NASA. That's where all the action's gonna be, out there.”

A brief lull ensued until Major Samuels, ignoring Jack’s comment said, “I'm under orders to bring you to General Hammond, sir.”

“Never heard of him.”

“He replaced General West. He says it's important, has to do with the Stargate.”

Jack finally looked at the man perched on the ladder.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

“General, let me take a team through that Gate. We'll find out who those aliens are. Kawalsky and I have been there before. We know the lay of the land, we know the people,” Jack pleaded.

“You think you do. Jackson could be dead. You don't know what you'd be walking into!” Hammond argued.

“Sir... there is one way to find out.”

“Right. We'll have that prototype probe shipped from M.I.T.”

“General, we don't need that probe.”

“We don't?” Kawalsky chimed in.

“Nope,” Jack answered, picking up a tissue box from the table. “This'll do.”

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Sam was running late, but it wasn’t her fault. She’d had to commandeer a plane, fly from DC to Boston to arrange the transport of the probe and a few other gadgets that the young geniuses had been working on to the flight line and then hustle her butt to Colorado. Not an easy mission when it had a top secret ‘need to know’ status. For some reason, the payload masters didn’t appreciate some female Captain throwing her weight around like she owned the entire damn Air Force. Go figure. They actually wanted to know what they were signing off on. She’d never strong-armed so many men in one night. Barking orders left and right, she was in full-blown officer mode by the time they landed at their destination.

Her stomach was full of butterflies as she got off the elevator once she and all the gear arrived at the underground complex. She was about to see Jack…no, she was about to see Colonel O’Neill in just a few seconds. Grateful that there was going to be a room full of people as witnesses, she was still not ecstatic about how it was going to go down. This was not how she’d wanted him to find out. Part of her was relieved that it was going to be over, all the hiding and secrets were going to come to an end, for good. She was terrified about what would happen afterwards, what it would do to their relationship; but she couldn’t dwell on that now, not with four people dead and another missing. It was time for them both to do their duty. The personal stuff would have to wait. Although some of her anxiety had been lessened knowing that as of right now, their relationship was in a stable place…not the best place, but at least they didn’t hate each other.

“Where's Captain Carter?” Hammond asked Samuels.

“Just arriving, sir.”

“Carter?” Jack asked as he scrawled last minute notes on his mission plan.

“I'm assigning Sam Carter to this mission.”

“I'd prefer to put together my own team, sir.”

‘Damn, small world’ flitted across his mind. This guy was SO not the ‘Sam Carter’ he wanted to see. He hadn’t even had time to leave her a message to let her know that he was going to be gone a few days.

“Not on this mission, sorry. Carter’s our expert on the Stargate,” Hammond informed him.

Well, it wouldn’t be the first time he hadn’t got to pick his own team, but it had been worth the shot.

“Where's he transferring from?” he asked absently as he continued to write more reminders down.

Then he heard something that sent shivers down his spine.

“SHE is transferring from the Pentagon.”

His mouth dropped open slightly, as he stared at her in amazement. Completely flabbergasted as she walked over to the empty chair across from him and said flippantly, “I take it you're Colonel O'Neill.” Smooth, Sam, real smooth! God, she was so damn nervous!

Straightening into the position of attention, she saluted as she continued, “Captain Samantha Carter reporting, sir.” A small smirk slipped out at his befuddlement.

Still at a loss for words, he automatically returned her salute.

“But of course you go by ‘Sam’,” snarked Charlie from down the table.

Redirecting her attention to him, she replied, “You don't have to worry, Major. I played with dolls when I was a kid.” Wonderful, it seemed that the good ole boys’ club was in full force today.

Jack continued to stare at her. Time, he needed time to regroup his thoughts, take control of his emotions that had his pulse racing at the sight of her. Things started to click into place. This was why she hadn’t told him what she did. He wondered…and then brought himself back to the present. He had to pay attention; somebody might actually expect him to conduct the mission briefing they were all there for.

“G.I. Joe?” Kawalsky continued with his mocking.

“No, Major Matt Mason.”

“Oh...who?” he asked Feretti in confusion.

“Major Matt Mason, astronaut doll. Did you have that cool little backpack that made him fly?” he asked her with some amusement.

“Let's get started…Colonel?” Hammond interrupted. He did not need to add a sexual harassment complaint to his already full day.

Sam sat down and fixed her eyes firmly on the handsome man in front of her. Holy cow, he looked good enough to eat in those dress blues.

“Thank you. For those of you on your first trip through the Stargate, you should be prepared for what to expect…”

Sam couldn’t help herself from interrupting him, “I've practically memorized your report from the first mission. I'd like to think I've been preparing for this all my life.”

Jack was stunned by her gigantic blue eyes that seemed even bluer thanks to her uniform. Damn, she looked hot! He could not go on this mission with her if she looked this good in these ugly uniforms. He’d be jumping her in the gate room in front of Hammond, let alone on an over-heated planet millions of light years away from any type of authority figure. ‘Quick brain’, he ordered himself, ‘think up a good reason she can’t go with us’.

“I think what the Colonel is saying is... have you ever pulled out of a simulated bombing run in an F-16 at 8-plus Gs?” Charlie asked snidely, anxious to help Jack out since he seemed to be at a loss for words at the moment.

“Yes,” she replied casually, reveling in the shocked looks that passed between the men.

“Well... it's way worse than that,” Charlie said after he took a moment to pick his jaw up off the floor at her remark.

Not one to be left out, Feretti added, “by the time you get to the other side, you're frozen stiff like you've just been through a blizzard…naked.” Woo-hoo! Score one for the boys’ team!

Struggling to keep her eyes from rolling at their childish behavior, she techno-babbled, “that's a result of the compression your molecules undergo during the millisecond required for reconstitution.” ‘You bunch of morons’, she wanted to add.

Bingo! What was it he had said about Daniel? “Oh, here we go; another scientist. General... please.”

“Theoretical astrophysicist,” she retorted, offended by his condescending attitude.

“Which means...?” he asked derisively.

“It means she is smarter than you are, Colonel. Especially in matters related to the Stargate.” Hammond said authoritatively, making Kawalsky and Feretti chuckle at the slam on O’Neill’s intelligence. Jack shot them a look to shut them up.

“Colonel, I was studying the Gate technology for two years before Daniel Jackson made it work and before you both went through. I should have gone through then. But sir, you and your *men* might as well accept the fact that I am going through this time.” She said defensively.

“Well, with all due respect, Doctor…”

She cut him off, “it is appropriate to refer to a person by their rank, not their salutation. Call me Captain, not Doctor”, she said vehemently.

“Captain Carter's assignment to this unit is not an option, it's an order,” Hammond made clear.

Not nearly done and thoroughly affronted by his off-handed arrogance, Sam said, “I'm an Air Force officer just like you are, Colonel. And just because my reproductive organs are on the inside instead of the outside, doesn't mean I can't handle whatever you can handle.”

God, she was gorgeous when she was mad. Was his collar to tight? He allowed himself a tiny smile at her audacity. Body parts that she’d just mentioned were starting to make themselves known. Trying to hide what would soon be apparent to everyone despite his uniform jacket, he moved to sit down. When he looked back up, her eyes flashed at him defiantly, daring him to make the next move in their subtle dance of power. Just who did she think was the ranking officer in this little exchange? HE was! It was time to fight dirty.

“Oh, this has nothing to do with you being a woman. I like women,” he said in a long drawn out tone that set her insides to quivering. “I've just got a little problem with scientists.”

Damn man.

“Well Colonel, I logged over 100 hours in enemy airspace during the Gulf War. Is that tough enough for you?” she said confidently, and deciding to give him a little bit of his own medicine she added, “or are we going to have to arm wrestle?”

Not believing that she had the nerve to bring up that special night they’d spent in bed…and in the shower…and in bed…he gave up. This conversation would have to wait until they were alone. He was not going to continue this in front of the whole team and General Hammond. Giving her one last meaningful glance, he looked down at his mission briefing.

The conversation returned to its original agenda and continued without further incident until he just had to speak up, “Now with all due respect to Mr. Glass-Is-Half-Empty over here, don't you think we should use the Stargate to do a little reconnaissance before they come back... again?”

Sam had to hide her grin at his sarcasm. God, he was good. It was amazing to see the two personas she knew as ‘Colonel O’Neill’ and ‘Jack’ come together to become one formidable man. Shit, she had it bad. If they didn’t dismiss this briefing in the next sixty seconds, she couldn’t be held responsible if she leaped across the table and fucked him silly as he sat in that damn chair in that damn uniform.

Hammond reluctantly agreed to give them a twenty-four hour mission window, and after Jack…the Colonel informed them that they had four hours to prep and be in the gate room ready to embark, she breathed a sigh of relief as she was able to bolt from the room. Intent on avoiding him as long as possible and knowing that he wouldn’t know she was needed in the equipment room to finish prepping the new probe, she headed to what she thought would be a safe haven.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

“Ma’am!” Sgt Siler exclaimed, excitedly jumping to attention as she strode through the sliding door into the equipment room, “It’s good to have you back!”

“Thanks, Sergeant,” she grinned at him, waving him back to his work, “it’s good to be back home.”

She looked at what he’d been doing and together they started going over the fancy four-wheeler with a fine-tooth comb. They were sprawled underneath the back, heads together, and wrenches pivoting in unison when a voice startled them.

“How’s it looking, Captain?”

Startled, she banged her head on the rear suspension before scrambling out, her skirt riding up high as she attempted to get off the floor. “S..sir!” she stuttered as she and Siler both came to attention.

“At ease,” he said absently as he squatted down and peered towards where they’d been working. “So?”

“Sir?”

“How’s...it...looking?” he asked again slowly, quirking an eyebrow at her as he looked up at her like the smack on her head had reduced her mental ability to that of a five year old.

“Good, sir. It’s looking good.”

“We were just adding some finishing touches, sir,” Siler piped up, and then gulped as the Colonel’s eyes bored into him.

“That’ll be all for now, Sergeant,” he ordered.

Siler glanced at the Captain.

“I SAID THAT WILL BE ALL, SERGEANT!” he boomed.

“Yes Sir!” Siler popped off a quick salute and beat feet out of the room.

“And close that door on your way out!”

Shooting a look of apology at the Captain as he slid the door shut, Siler thanked his lucky stars to make it out of the room intact. He felt pretty sorry for her at that moment. Her face was as green as pea soup. Damn, the Colonel was going to chew her out and it looked like she didn’t even know why. Thinking that maybe Harriman knew something, he rushed off to hear the latest gossip traveling the Cheyenne Mountain grapevine.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

“Samantha, Samantha, Samantha.”

“Sir?” she squeaked out. Shitshitshitshit! When had he gotten the upper hand? How’d he know where she’d be?

Slowly walking around her as she more or less stood at attention, he shook his head. “You have been a very, very naughty girl. Keeping secrets...such BIG secrets from me. What WERE you thinking? Tsk, tsk, tsk.”

Jack was enjoying himself tremendously. She was quivering from trepidation or lust or both. He could smell her arousal and it was driving him crazy. Glancing quickly around the room, he noticed that this was another of the areas that didn’t have security cameras yet. That would have to be remedied soon, but not right now.

Pressing up against her side and getting into her personal space, he whispered into her ear, “how long have you known?”

“Kn..no..own?” she stammered.

“Known who I was, what I was capable of.”

“Since that day you told me your last name. I had to look up one of your reports when I came back to the mountain and I was...startled by the coincidence, so I pulled up your personnel file.”

“So that’s why you panicked.”

“Yes, Jack...” she said as she turned towards him.

“EYES FRONT, CAPTAIN.”

She snapped back rigidly. Oh fuck.

Stepping around to her front, but remaining just as close, he took one finger and pushed her back into the small vehicle.

Sam stumbled back, his finger feeling like an ember burning through her jacket and blouse. Oh god, what the hell was he going to do her here? God he’d better hurry up before somebody interrupted them! She wondered if he could hear her heart beating, thumping out of control. She took a deep breath to try and steady her nerves, but all it did was give her a nose full of Jack-smell and draw his attention to her breasts as they moved scant inches from his chest. She struggled to stifle the groan that needed to be released, and almost did it. Just a tiny little murmur escaped.

“Is there a problem, Captain?”

“N...no sir.”

“Good, because right now, with every fiber of my being I want to commit a terrible crime. I’m only seconds away from assaulting you with the unsavory act of sexual harassment, so if you’re so inclined, I’ll let you go and file a complaint with General Hammond. Would you like to leave the room to file a complaint Captain?”

“No, sir”

He moved forward a half step, molding his body to hers, before dropping his face into the curve of her neck. He could feel the heat of her body soaking through the fabric of their uniforms. He knew that his medals were probably pressing painfully into her breast, but he didn’t care. He just wrapped his arms around her and squeezed.

“Samantha!”

“I know, Jack. I know.” She said, hugging him back just as fiercely.

“What the fuck are we going to do now?” he mumbled, not wanting to leave the heaven he’d found and then answered his own question. “We complete the mission.”

“Yessir.”

He pulled back and looked into her eyes. “Then afterwards...”

“After...” she echoed, nodding her head.

“After!” he said emphatically.

“Yessir!” she smiled at him.

God, he wanted to kiss her, but he didn’t. They were on Air Force time, and they’d already bent the line till it was almost breaking...Who was he kidding? He’d completely and totally busted it in two. And it’d been worth it.

“Are you done?” she asked him as he stared at her lost in thought.

“Yeah,” he grinned down at her.

Startling him with her sudden moves, she flipped them so that he banged up against the probe and she leaned into him.
“Now it’s my turn.”

Arching a brow at her he said, “and?”

“Ground rules.”

“Ah,”

“Number one: nobody, I mean NOBODY, gets to know about us, past, present or future. You got it? NOBODY. Not Kawalsky, not Feretti, and especially not the General. Number two: you cannot call me Samantha!” she raised a pointed finger as he opened his mouth to protest, “no!”

He nodded and huffed a sigh of resignation, silently thinking that there was no way in hell he was going to call her ‘Sam’, ugh, that was just freaking creepy.

“Number three...”

“Three?”

“Number THREE: no touching, or kissing, or...touching. At all.”

“Now that’s just going too far,” he whined. “What if nobody’s around?”

“There’s always somebody around...”

“Not right now.”

“That’s because you ordered him out of the room. Which, by the way, thanks for starting up the rumor mill by doing that.”

“Numbers two and three are related to rule number one. If people catch you calling me by my name or if they see us...doing whatever, it’ll blow rule number one.”

“All right,” he groused at her. “Fine. But off base, when this mission is over and I’m retired again, I’m going to remember this.”

“Fine, super, remember away. So...are we good?”

“Yes...Sa...Captain. We’re good, but you’re violating rule number three.” he snarked.

Sheepishly backing away from him, she watched as he slid open the door and sauntered out whistling tunelessly, before calling back down the hall, “don’t be late...Captain.”

Damn man, now her panties were all wet. Paging Siler to get his ass back down there so they could finish, she ducked back under the probe and went to work.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

“Move out!” Jack ordered and the rest of the team headed up the ramp.

Sam was close by his side, staring in wonder at the wormhole. Her first time seeing and it was beyond her power to move an inch. It was amazing, unbelievably mesmerizing and her adrenalin was pumping like when she was under fire back in Iraq. She could stare at it for days, and not get bored; numbers and statistical data flew around her mind until she was abruptly brought back to reality.

“Captain?”

”Don't worry, Colonel. I won't let you down.”

“Good. I was gonna say ‘Ladies first,’” he shrugged and then headed up the ramp, leaving her to follow.

Catching up to him, she realized that the General and SF’s were listening in to every word passing between them, so she said, “you know, you really will like me when you get to know me.”

Trying to hold in the snort of laughter at her obviousness, Jack retorted, “oh, I adore you already, Captain.”

Sam was ecstatic when they reach the lip of the gate. “My God... look at this. The energy the Gate must release to create a stable wormhole is - is astronomical, to use exactly the right word.” She looked over at him, and he was suddenly reminded that there were no secrets between them now. Enjoying the fact that she could share this moment with him, she reached out and dipped her finger in the puddle, “You can actually see the fluctuations in the event horizon!”

Rolling his eyes at her child-like wonder, his whole attitude ‘been there, done that’, he decided to have little fun and shoved her through, knowing that the extra velocity of his ‘help’ would make for a rough landing on the other side. Ooohh, she was gonna be SO sick. Heh, that would teach her to techno-speak him at a time like this. They had a ‘go’...that meant that they actually were supposed to GO. Then he stepped through himself.

He saw Samantha...whoa. Not Samantha. Not here...and not Sam...blech. Carter! Yes, that was perfect; she was Carter, just one of the guys under his command like Kawalsky or Feretti.

He saw Carter hunched over looking like she was about to retch up her entire stomach. Heh, gate travel was hell.

“Oh...” Sam groaned, “I think I'm going to be sick. Uhhh...”

He walked over to her, throwing rule number three out the window as he patted her on the arm, “maybe you shouldn't have had that big lunch.” Heh, good one Jack.


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Finito