Fingers In The Dark

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters. Not one. Not even half. Unfortunatly.

Fingers in the dark.

Hot sweat. The feeling of skin against skin. The gasp of need as he felt strong hands stroke the length of his thighs. Lips pressed against his neck, gently nipping at his sensitive flesh. He could feel a hand trailing down to his impressive errection slowly, painfully slowly, teasing each inch of sensitive flesh. ‘Please,’ he gasped, his breath ragged and catching in his throat, ‘Please House. Please’

House looked down at the blonde mop of hair resting on his chest, gently rising and falling with the motion of his breathing. He tried to stretch his legs from under the covers, attempting to move the sleeping boy off him. He hadn’t meant to do this. Hadn’t meant to get this involved. It was meant to be a quick fuck and then nothing. How many times had he been back now? This was his seventh visit in a single month, not to mention the times when they had met up for a quick drink and a chat. No, House had not meant to get this involved. Had not meant to feel anything for this trusting young man who looked at him with eager eyes, licking his lips in anticipation. Had not meant to fall in lo- ‘No.’ House mentally shook himself, ‘I do not love him. I don’t even know the meaning of love, let alone give it to one of my whores.’ ‘But he’s so much more then a whore to you now’ a small voice piped up in his head, ‘so much more. In fact, one might say, that you did love him. That you were in fact in love with him.’ House waved the voice away, ‘Even if that is true,’ he thought, ‘he’ll never know it. To love and let your love show is too dangerous a game for me to play’.
House shifted his weight so that the sleeping figure was now lying sprawled on the mattress then eased himself out of the bed. Clutching onto one of the bedposts he pulled himself up, bracing his arm muscles for his weight. He located his stick, lying a few metres away where he had dropped it last night.

The door to the flat banged open. The blonde man put a finger to his lips. ‘Shhhh’ he whispered, giggling drunkenly, ‘Im not supposed to have people up here’. ‘That’s never stopped you before’ the older man muttered, brushing a lock of the blonde hair away from the other mans forehead, ‘come on. I have a much better use for your pretty little mouth’. The younger man giggled again before reaching up and kissing the lips, silencing their words. They manoeuvred themselves through the doorway, allowing a brief pause for Chase to kick the door shut with his left foot. House abandoned his stick, using one of his hands to run through the silky locks of the other man and the other to caress the tops of his thighs. He heard the younger man gasp as he slipped a hand down the front of his jeans. Chase leaned into his touch, arching his back and demanding more with an impatient nip at House’s neck. He felt the older man give a brief chuckle before pulling him forward for a passionate kiss.

House shook his head as he picked his stick up from the floor. ‘So what,’ he thought, ‘we’ve had fun. That’s all. But everything good has to come to an end at some point’. Using his stick, he hobbled over to the first piece of clothing he could find, lying discarded on a chair and proceeded to get dressed. He glanced over at the sleeping figure, ‘But I am going to miss him,’ he sighed to himself, ‘miss his trust, miss his passion and miss his…’ House stopped himself. The idea or even the notion that Chase may truely love him was an absurd fantasy. ‘And nothing’ House reminded himself sternly, ‘ever came from fantasies’. He gave the sleeping figure a last look before settling himself on the sofa to wait for Chase to wake up.

It was several hours before Chase awoke. He stretched, his eyes still closed and focussed on the warm feeling of contentment in his chest. The feeling deepened when he thought of House. House and his silver tongue, his soft words playing in his ear as he came.

Chase lay underneath House, kissing his forearms and running his hands down the length of his chest. He could feel one of House’s strong hands pumping on his cock, bringing his climax closer and closer. He came with a cry and jerked his hips upwards thrusting into House’s hand. ‘That’s it love,’ House whispered, riding in and out of Chase, ‘you look so fucking beautiful when you come for me’. House came a moment later, his cry hoarse, his seed coating Chase’s passage. He lowered himself next to Chase, where the younger man curled into his chest, placing a loving kiss on his left nipple. ‘I love you Greg’ he whispered, a small smile of happiness spreading across his face. House felt himself stiffen at the young mans words and opened his mouth to protest, but Chase was already asleep, a trusting hand entwined with one of House’s own.

Chase opened his eyes, feeling the warm glow running through his veins, warming every inch of his body. With a brief flash of panic he realised that House wasn’t in bed with him. Sitting up quickly he scanned the room, spotting House seated in the far corner and felt himself relax again.
‘Morning love’ he said, ‘ how long have I been asleep?’ House glanced up from where he was twirling his stick in-between his hands, ‘Not long’ he replied, his voice short and cutting, ‘I was just about to leave anyway.’
Chase felt himself stiffen at his lovers tone, ‘What’s wrong?’ he asked, twisting the bedclothes between his hands, ‘Have I done something to hurt you? Have I offended you?’
House starred at him blankly, his expression giving nothing away.
‘Greg,’ Chase whispered, he could feel his heart pounding beneath his chest, ‘Please Greg, stop looking at me like that.’ House just continued starring at him, pulling out a bottle of his painkillers and crunching two down at once.
Chase let out a small laugh; ‘you’re looking at me like you’ve never seen me before.’ He paused and shifted his eyes from his lovers expression, ‘If its about what I said last night, I meant it. I wouldn’t have said anything unless I thought-‘
‘Unless what?’ House asked, standing up and walking over to where the bed was, ‘what did you think Id say?’ He put on a high-pitched tone, ‘I love you too Chase, kissey kissey, lets move in together and live happily ever after.’ He dropped his voice, ‘is that what you wanted me to say?’
Chase could feel a flush of humiliation cross his cheeks and let his eyes drop to the cover of the bed, ‘I just thought that you felt the same way. If Id have known, I wouldn’t have said anything.’ He looked up, hoping to find some understanding House’s eyes, ‘I didn’t mean…’
‘Didn’t mean what?’ House sneered.
‘I didn’t mean to scare you’ Chase finished in a whisper.
House let out a small bark of laughter. ‘You think you scared me?’ he asked mirthlessly, shaking his head, ‘My poor, poor Chase’
‘Well if you’re not scared then why are you being like this?’ Chase demanded, his cheeks red and his eyes burning, ‘I told you what I felt and suddenly your backing off like Im nothing to you!’
House leaned forward a small cruel smile playing on his lips, ‘That’s because you are nothing to me’ he whispered, ‘Did you honestly think that I felt anything for you?’
He straightened up and walked towards the door, ‘your nothing more then a whore to me.’ He turned around, ‘and that’s all you ever were’.
He could Chase sitting in the bed, the sheets pulled around his lower body, a small tear trickling down his cheek. ‘Sometimes’ House said, leaning his weight on his cane and dropping his voice to a conspiritual whisper, ‘sometimes, I didn’t even enjoy it that much.’ He allowed himself a small smile, as if enjoying the whole scenario, ‘Id have to think of something really kinky just to get myself hard,’ he let out a small snort of laughter, ‘and your kisses just got worse as you got more and more aroused. Your voice kept getting higher and higher, your body writhing beneath mine’ he pulled a disgusted face, ‘I only kept you this long because your mouth was reasonably talented for other uses’.
Chase felt another tear fall down his face. He couldn’t speak, couldn’t move. Couldn’t feel anything but House’s words, splitting his heart, drowning his world in ice.
‘But be honest,’ House continued, ‘I only really went for you in the first place because I pitied you. What with your dad being ill and all. In a way I was doing you a favour. You were so desperate for something, for anything, for anyone, that all I had to do was to step in there and-‘ House snapped his fingers, ‘I get a fuck as fast as you can say ‘fuck me House’’
‘Stop Greg, please,’ Chase said, ‘ please, just stop it.’
‘Stop?’ House asked, ‘Stop? But you usual tell me to go. Its usually ‘Please Greg, keep going. Oh gods Greg, Oh Greg, Greg. Please Greg, just fuck me now. Just please Greg. Fuck me now.’ But then I guess you always were an impatient little cock sucker weren’t you?’
Chase could feel himself shaking beneath the sheets, his pain turning to anger. Turning to hate. ‘Get out’ He said, his voice shaking slightly, ‘get out now.’
House cupped his ear in his right hand, ‘Im sorry, did you want me to go somewhere?’
‘Get out! Get out of my house you fucking bastard! Get the fuck out! Get out! Get out!’ Chase screamed, his eyes streaming with tears, his hands clutching at the sheets, ‘Get the hell out you fucking cripple! Get out!’ He picked up a clock from his bedside table and hurled it towards House, ‘GET OUT!’
House pulled open the door. ‘With pleasure’ he sneered. He walked through the door and shut it with a snap.
Outside in the hall, House could still hear the sounds of Chase screaming obscenities at him, the words cracking with sobs. Blistered curses incoherently mingling with the sounds of heart broken tears. Eventually, the noise dyed down and House could hear the sounds of Chase crying. Crying as if his heart were broken, as if it would never be fixed. Howling his pain into the empty uncaring room. Gut wrenching sobs that made House close his eyes at the sound.
House felt a single tear slide down his cheek.

House watched the young man sleeping. The peaceful rise and fall of his head as it rested on House’s chest. Trusting him. Believing in him. He brushed a lock of hair away from his young lovers forehead. ‘I love you Chase’ he whispered, ‘I love you so much that it hurts. But you can’t love me and I shouldn’t love you. I didn’t mean to fall in love with you. I don’t want to hurt you now. But both things have or are about to happen. I can’t love you how you should be loved. I can’t keep you happy. I cant do anything.’ House paused with a sigh, brushing a small tear away from the corner of his eye. ‘I cant do anything for you. The only thing that I can cause you is hurt and pain. And that’s the last thing that I want to do to you. You deserve so much more then me. You deserve happiness and that’s the one thing that I can’t give you. You deserve someone who’s honest and someone who you can trust. Im none of those things. I just want you to be my own. I just want you. And the hardest thing is knowing that I can never truly have you. You will always be someone else’s.’ He paused again, bending his head and placing a kiss on his lover’s cheek. ‘I love you. I will always love you, no matter what happens. I’ll always love you’.

House let himself sink to the floor, his stick clattering on the polished wood. He leant his head back against the door to Chase’s apartment. ‘Im so sorry’ he whispered, ‘Im sorry. Im so sorry.’ He could feel his own tears on his cheeks, the dull pain in his chest reminding him of what he had just done. Reminding him that he had just broken the one he loved. He bought his leg up to his chest and bent the other one into submission. House sat there, outside Chase’s apartment, crying his own silent grief away.

Chase lay on the bed. His cheeks stained with tears, his breathing hoarse and his heart in pieces. He ran a single hand through his hair, pushing the loose strands away from his face.
‘How could you do this to me?’ Chase whispered feeling his throat contract as he swallowed his tears back down, ‘How?’ Through his memory he heard House’s words, jeering and taunting him and he felt himself cringe against them ‘your nothing more then a whore to me. And that’s all you ever were’
‘Why did you do this to me? Why was I your whore? Why me? Why did you chose me?’ Chase sobbed into his mattress, ‘I hate you. I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I HATE YOU!’
His body racked with sobs, Chase rolled onto his back, his voice think with emotion and tears, ‘I hate you. I hate you. I hate you’ He felt another tear trickle down his cheek, ‘why is this hurting so much? Its hurting, its hurting so much and I cant breath, its hurting so badly.’

A few minutes later, House stumbled to his feet, picked up his stick and unscrewed the bottle of painkillers. He tossed two back down his throat, re screwed the bottle and put it into his jacket pocket. He turned back to the door and gently laid a hand flat against it.
‘Im sorry Chase’ he whispered, ‘but I had no choice’.
With his head bent, House hobbled out of the block of flats, rubbing away the ghosts of his tears.

Fin.

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