Ever Wanted

Ever Wanted
Author: Donna Lynn
E-mail: donnalynn@darkangelsfanfic.com
Website: http://www.darkangelsfanfic.com
Status: Incomplete
Word Count: 3,127
Category: Drama/Angst/Romance
Spoilers/Rumors: “Letters From Pegasus” and “Conversion” but pretty much anything up to “Conversion”
Season: 2
Rating: NC-17
Content Warning: Language, violence, and sexual content.
Summary: John and Teyla have a special friendship but what happens when they think the other is involved with someone else?
Author's Note: A challenge from STFever where John thinks Teyla is fooling around with Ronon and Teyla thinks John is screwing around with Elizabeth and things get all twisted and that’s where I come in and write the best I can lol!
Pairing: John/Teyla
Disclaimer: The characters of "Stargate: Atlantis" do not belong to me. So DO NOT sue me!

* * * * *

Teyla smiled at a passerby as she made her way to the commissary. It was after dinner and she hadn’t been able to make it do to a late training session with Ronon, she was famished. In the past three months she came to notice he harbored more than friendly feelings for her. At times she found him staring at her from across the room and on the rare occasion he would even brush against her to smell her hair. She tried to tell herself his unrequited affections were do to having no companionship for seven years. It was only natural for him to be interested in her, but she hoped his affections would pass in time. Luckily he was tired after their session and decided to turn in early.

When she entered the commissary she noticed there weren’t that many people. It was quiet, very quiet and she acquired a small meal and made her way towards the back where she could see the ocean view.

“There’s nothing to talk about John it happened.”

Teyla slowed to a stop at hearing Dr. Weir’s voice and hearing John’s name. It was inconsiderate to ease drop but she found herself unable to move. They were seated by themselves in a corner of the back room.

“What? You wanna act like nothing happened?” He sounded offended.

“Yes I do,” Elizabeth insisted keeping her voice down.

John sighed, “Look I can’t just forget about it and I can’t believe you can.”

“As far as I’m concerned it never happened.”

Teyla felt like she’d been suckered punched. She set her plate down then quickly and quietly exited the commissary. What did she just hear? Did it mean what she thought it meant? Were John and Dr. Weir…intimate? It was then she noticed the nauseous feeling in her stomach and quickly ran to her room. She keyed the door open and ran to the bathroom and emptied her stomach into the sink. Her body shivered all over at the sudden cold sensation running threw her body. Why should the notion of John sleeping with Elizabeth get to her so much? Was it because she herself had more than friendly emotions for the Colonel?

“Oh my…” she whispered as she stepped back into the wall then slid down to sit on the floor. She wrapped her arms around her waist and took a shaky breath. Why should she be so bothered if they were involved? It is clearly none of her business if they were. Even though she considered John a very close friend, maybe more, it wouldn’t be proper to ask. She sat on the floor a half hour longer then decided she would not interfere in the matter. If being with Elizabeth made John happy then she would not step in the way. She picked herself up and washed her mouth and face then put on her night clothes and decided to turn in early. In the morning she would wake up and treat the day as if nothing had changed. It is for the best she thought as she settled into the covers. In the morning she would look at John Sheppard and not see a man she could see having children with but her commanding officer.

All night she tossed and turned unable to get the conversation she overhead out of her mind. She played the scene over and over again analyzing it. Before she realized it was time to get ready for the day. She got up and washed herself then put on a clean pair of clothes and made her way out to the commissary.

“Hey! Teyla!” It was Sheppard as he came from around the corner. “Good morning,” he caught up with her.

She forced herself to smile in return, “Good morning Colonel Sheppard.”

John looked at her concerned, “You okay you look like hell?”

She tried not to fall into his soulful eyes and quickly looked away but kept a neutral expression. “I had a hard training session with Ronon yesterday. It must have tired me out more than I thought,” she explained noticing his change of posture.

“Yeah about that, sorry I didn’t make it to our session but I had some unfinished business,” he explained.

Of course you did she thought as they entered the commissary. “It is alright I enjoyed the session none the less,” she lied.

“I’ll bet,” he said dryly as they gathered their plates.
As she fixed her plate she found it harder and harder to be near him knowing…she couldn’t do it, not yet. “Excuse me, I am not as hungry as I thought. I will see you at the briefing later,” she turned and before he could say anything she left. He dropped his plate down and went after her but stopped when he saw Ronon talking to her in the hallway.

“What is it you look troubled?” Ronon asked folding his arms over his chest.

Teyla shook her head, “It is nothing I am fine.”

Ronon didn’t look to sure but he left it alone. “About last night,” he shifted from foot to foot and wouldn’t meet her eyes.

“It is alright I am fine,” she tired to assure him. “I am just not used to being handled so roughly.”

John clenched his jaw and narrowed his eyes. That son of a bitch…I knew it…Ever since he was infected with the retrovirus things changed between he and Teyla. That might have to do with the fact he tried to kiss her senseless. After laying up in the infirmary for two weeks he remembered everything he’d done. Kissing Teyla, attacking Elizabeth and the security details but what stuck out in his mind most was that he didn’t attack Teyla. Even when she fired the P90 at him he turned and ran away. He was lucid enough to protect her in his transformed state. No one seemed to notice his immunity to harming her.

Not wanting to hear another word he turned and walked away. He needed to clear his head.

* * * * *

Two days passed and neither spoke to each other unless it was required of them. Today they were due for a training session and John wasn’t sure what to do. Would Ronon have a problem with it? Would Teyla cancel on him for not being there last time? A million scenarios ran through his mind on his way to the makeshift gym. Why would Ronon being involved with Teyla irk him so much?

~Because you want her you idiot~ he reminded himself. He rounded the corner and found Ronon exiting the gym rather quickly. He went the opposite way not even noticing John as he stepped into view of the room.

“Colonel Sheppard,” Teyla greeted with the fakest smile he’d ever seen. “I am glad to see that you were on time.” Now she was being sarcastic? What the hell was going on?

Sheppard walked on into the room and threw his bag onto the floor with a loud thud. “What’s his problem?” he indicated grabbing his weapons from his bag and twirling them.

“Nothing,” she moved into a defensive stance and stared strait through him.

~Okay, she wants to play dumb…fine~ without another word he went for an attack, again…and again…and again…and never got even close to beating her again. ~Where the hell is that speed and strength when I need it~ he wondered as he barely blocked a hard swing to the head. ~Jesus Christ! She’s trying to take my head off!~

“You are improving Colonel Sheppard,” she spat twirling the sticks beautifully. “I am surprised you have the time to practice.”

They began to circle one another and if looks could kill they’d both be deader than a doornail. Sheppard couldn’t take her attitude anymore. He didn’t know who shoved the stick up her ass but he wasn’t gonna take it anymore. ~Damn…infuriating woman~ he thought aggravated.

“You need more practice, I’m actually getting a hit in here and there,” he threw back flexing his back.

Teyla narrowed her eyes clearly effected by his comment and unleashed a fury of an attack that he wasn’t prepared for. Before he knew what happened she managed to knock both weapons from his hands and knock him to the ground sitting on his lap with both sticks to his throat. “You were saying?” she asked icily.

~Why you…~ he grabbed her wrist and bucked her off till she lay beneath him her hands above her head and him atop of her. “What the hell is wrong with you?” he asked. It was unlike Teyla to be so…hateful, or spiteful.

“Why do you care?” she shot out as calmly as possible.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“As you have said Colonel you have more important things to attend to,” she quoted.

He released his hold and sat up but did not stand. “Is that what this is about? I didn’t come to our session the other day and now you’re all pissed?” he asked surprised. “Well excuse the hell out of me but if I recall you got a workout anyway!”

“Get off of me,” she sat up on her elbows and waited for him to move. The object of her very desires was crouching over her with the most arousing expression and she wasn’t sure how much longer she could hold back the tears that threatened to fall. ~Please have mercy on me John~ she begged silently. “I have nothing further to say.” Her voice faltered for a second and John caught it.

“Talk to me Teyla,” he asked carefully.

It was all she could take. The dam of tears broke and she quickly fell to her back and covered her face with her hands. A single sob sounded through the room and John felt like someone had ripped his heart out and crushed it into a million pieces.

“Teyla…” he reached down and gently tried to take her hands from her face but she struggled and wound up being pulled into a sitting position face to face with him. “…what is it?” his eyes were so sincere and worried.

~No, do not cause yourself more pain~ she told herself. ~He is with Elizabeth and there is nothing that can be done.~ She shook her head and avoided his gaze. ~I am weak~ she cried silently. ~I love him so much…~

“Teyla tell me what’s wrong,” he pressed harder.

“How long?” she asked suddenly looking him in the eye.

“How long what?” he asked confused.

“How long have you been with Dr. Weir?”

“What!?”

“I overheard you the other day…” she trailed off looking away as he released his grip on her.

It all came full circle. The other day, the day he missed their session he met up with Elizabeth in the commissary and had dinner. What was weird was during the conversation he was sure he felt Teyla near by. It was something he couldn’t explain and hadn’t told anyone about. Since the retrovirus incident he was able to sense Teyla much like she was able to sense the Wraith. He suspected it had something to do with her Wraith DNA and his own exposure to the Iratus bug DNA. He hadn’t told anyone cause he wasn’t sure he understood it himself. Now he knew it was true and not just his imagination.

He realized she must have heard them talking about his little temper tantrum when he threw Elizabeth against the wall. As he replayed the conversation over in his head he could see how she would take it out of context. They were talking in hushed tones and kind of talking in code. Elizabeth had taken the liberty of not putting the incident in any of her reports and that made John uneasy. Regardless, she wasn’t going to budge on the issue. According to Elizabeth Weir she was never attacked by John Sheppard, period the end.

“I did not mean to intrude,” Teyla interrupted his thoughts.

He felt like a total jackass. “Teyla, there’s nothing going on between Elizabeth and I,” he hoped she believed him.

She shook her head unconvinced, “Please do not lie to me.”

He shook his head in return, “I’m not lying I swear. What you heard the other day wasn’t what you thought you heard.”

“What do you mean?” she asked.

He sighed and ran a hand through his messy hair. “While I was infected I…attacked Elizabeth, that’s how I got loose in the first place. I was trying to apologize to her when you showed up,” he explained.

Teyla slowly let his words sink in and she slowly nodded. She felt utterly ridiculous. ~How could she be so childish?~

“Is that why you went to Ronon?” he asked suddenly.

She quickly looked up at him, “I am sorry?”

“Day before yesterday when you stormed out of the commissary I saw you in the hallway with him,” he didn’t want to tell her what he heard. Truth was he didn’t want to know if Ronon Dex slept with Teyla. It would tear his world apart if he did.

“You think…Ronon and I…” she couldn’t even fathom the notion let alone say the words.

At her lost expression he realized he was just as guilty as she was. Miscommunication didn’t even begin to explain their situation.

“Oh Jesus…” he chuckled as he sank to the floor at her feet with a sigh of relief. “You thought I was sleeping with Elizabeth…and I thought you were sleeping with Ronon,” he started laughing at the idea and soon Teyla found herself laughing with him. Their laughter died down and soon they sat in silence.

“I have a confession to make,” he played with one of his shoe laces.

She tilted her head and waited for him to speak.
“I knew you were there,” he looked into her eyes. “Ever since I was infected with the retrovirus I’ve been able to know when you’re around or nearby it’s weird as hell.”

“I do not understand. I thought Dr. Beckett said you were clear of the retrovirus?” she said worriedly.

He nodded, “Yeah according to all his tests there’s nothing but my DNA but…this thing with you, must be a residual effect or something. Your Wraith DNA and my once infected DNA, something like that.”

Teyla processed the information and figured it was much the like how he was able to work with Ancient technology. She was able to work Wraith technology the same. Perhaps they were able to do the same with each other?

“I haven’t told anyone,” he admitted. “I think they’d just freak out.”

She raised an eyebrow in understanding. She understood his hidden meaning. Pretty much, don’t tell anyone about it. “Colonel Caldwell would certainly freak out.” She found the new commander a bit like Bates in regards to her. He didn’t seem to like her very much but at least he hadn’t started screaming traitor yet.

“You okay?” he asked sounding eerily the same as he did the day he kissed her for the first time.

She nodded resting her arms over her knees comfortably, “Yes, and I would like to apologize for my childish behavior.”

“There’s nothing for you to apologize for Teyla,” he reassured her softly. “I think it’s safe to say that recent events have put us to the test.”

There was a hidden question in there she could feel it. ~Is he asking what I think he is asking~ she wondered? A relationship? Something more perhaps? “Yes they have,” she agreed. “I believe it has strengthened an already strong bond between us.” She sat up and crawled the small distance between them and boldly leaned forward and kissed him firmly on the lips. A rush a heat rushed through her going right to her center. He responded in turn by grasping her face between his hands and deepening the kiss. Her dreams were haunted by his kiss. The kiss he should never have given her. The kiss that pushed them forward unprepared. She moaned when he pulled her forward flush against his body. They devoured one another. All their pent up tension was being released into this one kiss.

He reluctantly pulled away and rested his forehead against hers. “I’ve wanted to do that for so long,” he said breathlessly.

She hummed in agreement and kissed his jaw line with light featherlike kisses. “I have been afraid to tell you…how I feel,” she leaned her forehead against his.

“I assume that’s what you meant when you said you wanted too much from me,” he figured, remembering when they were waiting for her friend Orlin and his family a months back. He’d asked her what she wanted from him and she said she feared too much. Now he understood what she meant. What a dope he could be.

She pulled back enough to look him in the eye. “I have lost most of my loved ones to the Wraith. I do not want to loose another,” she looked at their entwined hands. “I did not want to have more with you in fear of it being taken from me, us.”

He caressed her palm gently. “I guess I’m scared of the same thing,” he started. “I wake up everyday and wonder is this the day Earth tells us to pack up and head back?”

They voiced their fears and now understood what had been keeping them apart. Not regulations or fear of the other not wanting to have more but the fear of being ripped apart.

“I don’t care about that anymore,” he brought her right hand to his lips and kissed it. “I want you.”

“You have always had me John,” she wrapped her arms around his neck and shoulders and he crushed her against his body. She felt so safe in his arms. No one ever made her feel so safe in all her life. That’s how she knew he was different from everyone. She pulled away resting her hands on his shoulders. “I would ask that we…take things slowly…” she seemed so unsure which wasn’t like Teyla. “…I…have never…” she risked a glance at his eyes and saw his brief surprise. ~Oh no…~

He ran his hands up and down her arms. “You’ve never been with a man,” he finished for her in understanding. “It’s okay it’s nothing to be afraid or ashamed of.” He gave her his trademark grin and took her face between his hands and kissed her sweetly. “Take all the time you need,” he whispered resting his forehead against hers. “I’m hear okay.” He wanted her to feel secure.

She closed her eyes and basked in the new feeling of completeness. She knew she found her soul mate.