Pretty Burning

My eyes burn from these tears. You'd think I'd learn over these years. Good things won't last forever. So what the hell am I suppose to do? You only wanted the things I couldn't give to you…And you had it all anyway. Tell me I'm wrong when I say it. I can't expect you to spend forever with me…
I live for that single moment. -- Matchbook Romance

"Pretty Burning"


That night is pretty much a blur now. There is really no other way to describe it. I remember only key things; like how it was really hot around 10 o’clock and how I couldn’t keep the sheets on my body another second for fear that I would be engulfed in flames.

I was sweating… I was thinking.

I can’t exactly remember if I was wondering about him before or after he slid his hand down my half exposed back.

It had surprised me.

Honestly.

Though it probably shouldn’t have. I knew he would come some time in the middle of the night. I wasn’t sure when. Possibly after Louis had finally fallen asleep. Or maybe he lied and said he was going to the bathroom.

I don’t know, and as I lied there in my bed thinking about him, I didn’t care.

After I removed the sheets from my body I pulled the waist band of my shorts down a little further. Again, I don’t know why. I had pushed my face into the sheets as a wave of want washed over me. The urge to go to Louis’ room and look passed that door was overwhelming.

Had he fallen asleep?

Had he forgotten?

Was he avoiding it?

All my doubts were pushed aside shortly thereafter, however. I heard my lock-less door creak open slowly about fifteen minutes after the hour. I knew it was him. Although at the time I don’t think I was as confident.

I feigned sleep.

A part of me was scared. Excited… And that’s what made this so exciting and enticing and worth it. I didn’t get this feeling with anyone else, and that in itself was frightening. All my inhibitions were cut cleanly away when I heard him breathing next to my bed. I could hear his feet on the ground.

I could taste him, smell him, and almost feel the heat of his body.

The throbbing.

I still pretended I was in deep, concentrated sleep. I wanted him to touch me. I wanted him to want me and feel disappointed that I wasn’t up and waiting.

My heart lurched an agonizing beat as the tips of his slender fingers started dragging against the small of my back.

Suddenly I realized why I had uncovered it.

His fingers quickly turned into his palms and the heat of his hand mixed with the heated flesh of my back felt like fire was being pulled and pushed into my epidermis. It felt exciting and hard to explain. It felt like him.

His hands were pushing their limits when they reached my ass. He felt around with seemingly no hesitation, and somehow that felt good to me. He squeezed me gently and I unintentionally expelled a large gasp from the depths of my lungs.

His hand abandoned my backside and traveled up to rest in my hair. I pulled my face away from the sheets and turned to look at him.

His eyes were dark and concentrated on my body. His lips were thick and red. He looked other-worldly and amazing.

I then slid on to my back and, taking the unspoken invitation, he climbed on top of me. I felt the bed move as his knees dug into the mattress on either side of my waist. I immediately felt his hard thickness as it rested against my exposed stomach.

I was shaking now.

I could barely breathe…and it was all because of him.

He leaned down and I leaned up and our lips collided. Soft at first and then faster with urgency as our tongues pushed together. I wrapped my arms around his back and pulled at the fabric of his shirt. I wanted it gone. It became like a cancer.

He knew what I wanted and quickly disposed of it and began running his tongue around the side of my neck. He sucked lightly at the nape and ran his hot tongue down until it crashed into my pulse like a slow motion accident.

I felt ready to release all of the tension from my body at that very moment. I felt like I would combust if I didn’t.

I boldly took my hand and pushed it down through the small space between our stomachs and I touched him softly.

I heard him suck in breath right beside my ear. It was then sharp, shaky breathing that fell from mouth and nose. I felt empowered and dominant even though he was still on top of me.

He reached down and removed my hand and lowered his boxers. I grabbed him immediately again and he seemed slightly surprised. I felt the muscles in his penis lurch up and down for a few seconds. He wanted me to move my hand badly.

I could tell…I had learned to tell by now.

As I had him shaking above me I began to wonder how many times we had done this before.

A dozen times.

Maybe more.

I desired to know exactly but at this state I could barely process a coherent thought.

Then he looked at me and his eyes were even darker than several minutes before. It made my heart jump. Too much, I thought.

…But it was always too much.

Was I allowed to feel like this?

With him?

I didn’t know.

In the middle of that thought I was introduced to ecstasy. He had pulled his head down, the hair falling into his eyes, and placed himself inside of me.

Then…silence.

I stopped breathing completely and all I could make out was the incessant pounding intruding my ear cavity.

I could feel his heart…

He pulled out slowly and then began to fuck me.

Several seconds later his head rose up and he looked at me. He looked in my eyes and his hands, which had been on either side of my head, reached down and grasped my own and he locked his fingers with mine. He pulled my arms over my head and rested them right below the headboard.

He held them so tight as he pushed in and out. Suddenly I could feel a mangled cry in the depths of my throat. It was rising fast. I had to scream. It felt too good. But before my feelings were vocalized his full lips came down and rested on mine.

I opened my mouth and groaned when his tongue did not enter. I pushed mine into his mouth and then he began to move with me.

I could hear him breathing hard through his nose as he slammed into me with more urgency. I could barely feel his fingers tighten around mine as this goodness overwhelmed my senses.

He overwhelmed me.

He never failed.

It seemed so quick and yet so long at the same time. Before I knew it I could feel the electricity coursing through me. I could feel it burning in my stomach and one cry escaped from my lips as he buried his face into my hair.

My heartbeat was overpowering any other waves of sound in the room.

I thought I heard him speak but I wasn’t sure and I wouldn’t ask.

Then once more he gyrated against me. My limbs became limp. I felt like I was plummeting to the ground from a high precipice.

It felt free and open…and right.

I felt his warmth overflow into me. I felt it running down the insides of my thighs down to the sheets on the mattress.

I felt him falling.

For minutes we lied there. We breathed and didn’t speak. I forgot how to speak. I forgot how to express my self with words.

There were no right words.

Words meant nothing.

He stayed inside of me. He knew I liked it that way. I felt complete and he *knew* that.

I don’t remember exactly when it was that I opened my eyes, but I felt tears in them. I felt him against me. Still inside of me.

The rate of my heart had fallen back into a healthy rhythm. I felt as if I had fallen gracefully into softness. I felt that feeling that I didn’t think I should be feeling. But I couldn’t deny that I had been feeling it from the start.

I suddenly felt cold when he moved off of me and sat up on the edge of my bed. He turned his body and ran his hands up my legs until he stopped them over my vagina. He rubbed me as if he had hurt me. Like he wanted to kiss it better.

A part of me wanted him to.

But it was getting late.

He then pushed his fingers under the waist band of my shorts and pulled them back up over me. I felt the bed come up slightly after he had vacated the edge.

I watched him pull his boxers up and run a hand through his disheveled hair and then around his neck.

Then he licked his lips, tasting my kiss again. He felt on his stomach carelessly and stared down at me. I was lying there, breathing normally at this point, looking up at him.

I brought my hand up about an inch and he grabbed it and held it tight. He warmed my whole body inside and out.

I sat up rather quickly and kissed him. It was harder than either he or I had expected.

I guess that’s how good-bye kisses are supposed to be.

He let go of my hand, “Good luck at college” He whispered.

Then he turned around and began walking to my door. He grabbed the handle and turned it clockwise…

“Alan, wait.”

He turned only his head back around. He looked at me.

And suddenly all of the things I wanted to say, all of the truths I wanted to reveal…

Don’t leave. I won’t leave. Your amazing. *We* are amazing. I love you.

…I couldn’t say.

“Good night.” Instead.

With a bittersweet smile he turned and left my room.

My life.

And I didn’t stop him.


---

If you got through all that then thanks for reading and please tell me what you think. I’m not sure if this is just a one-shot or not. Depends on what you guys say. Peace.