Unexpected Honesty

Title: Unexpected Honesty

Author: Eleri McCleod

E-mail: elerimc@lycos.com

Rating: NC17

Warnings: It's NC17. What other warning is needed?

Spoilers: A Hundred Days

Category: H/C

Summary: A week after Jack's return from Edora things still haven't returned to normal.

Season: 3

Archive: SJD, GateWorld, Jackfic, Carterfic, Heliopolis, yes, anyone else, ask please.

Status: Complete

Pairing: Sam/Jack

DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime / Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. No copyright infringement is intended. No money is being made. Not to be archived without permission.

Author's Notes: I've had this sitting on my hard drive for about a year now and I finally decided to do something with it. It's about as done as it's ever going to get, so let me know what you think. Any and all comments are welcome. Enjoy!

(c)May 2003, Eleri McCleod

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Unexpected Honesty
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Samantha Carter shoved the door open, heaving a sigh. It was days like this that made her wonder why she even bothered to drive into the Mountain every morning. There hadn't been a thing that had gone right since she'd woken up that day. She'd blown a tire right outside the gate, her naquadah tests had all fallen flatter than one of Daniel's pancakes and the dial-up program had yet to find another even remotely habitable planet for the seventh straight day. If she didn't get something to do soon, she'd scream.

She'd thought things would return to normal after they'd gotten the Colonel home. That was the one thing she'd insisted on throughout the whole painfully long three months: that he was coming home. He was fine and waiting for them to come back to get him. He'd been back a little over a week now and things hadn't approached anywhere near the "normal" mark. Colonel O'Neill had been by turns jovial and his irreverent self and then moody and silent. She'd caught him numerous times staring blindly into space and had wondered with a tightness in her chest if those were the times he'd been thinking of Laira. The parting hug she and the Colonel had exchanged had had quite a bit more in it than, "Hey, see ya around when I'm in the neighborhood."

Forcing a breath from her lungs, she pushed those thoughts aside roughly. There would be no Jack O'Neill lusting thoughts today, she decided firmly. That's when she heard the click of metal weights as the door closed silently behind her. The one thing she was trying to avoid thinking about was the sole occupant of the weight room, working at one of the bench press racks. To her hungry eyes, it looked like he'd been there a while. The red tank he wore was discolored from his exertions, sweat evident in his damp hair. She watched as he lowered the weight once more slowly, form beautifully correct. The Colonel didn't look as if he had the muscle to lift that much weight, the thought slipped out as her mind absentmindedly added up the steel plates. Stop, she ordered herself, slamming the door on that line of thought. The bar clanked a little as he set it back in the cradle. Not wanting to get caught ogling him, she moved to the other rack nonchalantly, truly not wanting to interrupt him. Their eyes met as she dropped her towel beside the bench. "Sir," she said in greeting. If he wanted to talk, he'd invite it.

"Major," he nodded back, breathing deeply to get much needed extra oxygen to his muscles. Carter was silent as she pulled weights from their holding racks and loaded them onto the straight bar. He appreciated her silence, but as the quiet settled around them, he realized it wasn't what he wanted. He found he wanted to talk with her, needed to get some of this crap off his chest before he got crushed by it. In those three months on Edora, he'd gone through the whole gamut of emotions and then in one day he'd gotten yanked back to reality, his reality. And if he admitted the truth to himself, he wasn't adjusting back well at all. Carter had the weights loaded and was sitting on the adjoining bench, folding the towel to place behind her head. He watched her econal mal movements from the corner of his eye, admiring the flowing grace with which she moved. Words tumbled out of his mouth before he realized he was even going to speak. "I had started to believe I wasn't going to get home."

Sam froze, hands clenching on the towel. She looked over automatically, mouth suddenly dry. I don't want to hear this, do I, she asked silently, staring at his unmoving figure. He was straddling his bench, elbows on knees, hands dangling. She really didn't want to hear about his three months of exile, knowing "she'd" have to come up, but Sam couldn't speak to stop him. No sound would come out of her throat. She gripped the towel, letting her friend say what she knew he needed to release. He didn't look at her as he spoke, eyes focused on his hands, or rather through them to something she couldn't see.

"We stayed in the caves for a few days waiting for the fires to die down. Garin and his friend had decided to hide out the meteor shower and Laira and I got stuck with them when the rocks started falling all around us. There was no way to make it back to the Gate safely so we holed up there.

"When we finally made it back to the village, some trees and homes were still smoldering, but most of the actual fires had gone out. The street was deserted; no one was around. I was beginning to hope that everyone had gotten smart and headed out to Earth. Then we got to Laira's house. The surviving dozen or so villagers had taken shelter there; it wasn't damaged too badly.

"I was bandaging a wounwound on one of them when I overheard Paynan and Laira. He said they'd lasted for three days before heading for the Gate. I'd actually gotten my mouth open to ask why they were all still there if they'd gone for the Gate when he announced that it was gone.

"I don't remember anything from that moment on until I got to where the Stargate had been. I ston thn the middle of that crater for what seemed like eternity. Laira caught up to me there, so it really had to have been just a few minutes. It didn't take her long to figure out that the other villagers, her friends and their families, weren't going to come back from Earth. And that I couldn't get home either."

He'd been perfectly still since he'd began, as if any motion would shake him apart. Sam blinked quickly to disperse the tears she could feel coming. She could see him standing there surrounded by dirt when there should have been a way home, so stoic and valiantly attempting to be positive and in control. Just as he'd been when the two of them had gotten trapped in the Antarctic. She could also see him cracking when no sign of the Stargate presented itself. Just as she'd been crushed when they'd shut down the wormhole after the first MALP had been destroyed. She and Daniel had at least been home, the Colonel had been on a different world. Her admiration for her commanding officer rose even higher.

"I dug that whole first day. It was like a nightmare. Every pound of dirt I moved I expected to see grey metal or at least feel the shovel hit it. But the crater from the meteorite was gigantic. I had no way of knowing if I was anywhere near the Gate or how far down it was. I had only one thought in my head: dig. Digging equaled home and I was getting home."

The towel had fallen to her lap, forgotten, as she listened to his quiet voice. There was no inflection, no emotion in it. It was as if he were telling a story about someone else. The detachment only increased the loneliness to his figure and her desire to comfort him. She turned slightly on the bench, wanting to face him fully, but not wanting to distract him and halt the flow of his words.

"When the sun finally set, I was exhausted, but I didn't want to stop. I just had to find it, any of it. With the village pretty much rubble there wasn'y exy extra light to help the stars. I stopped for a moment - I think my back was about to give out - and while I stood there staring at the huge crater and my tiny little hole, that's when I had my first moment of doubt. Over twelve hours of digging and all I had done was shift a little bit of dirt around."

Sam curled her fingers into her palms, nails digging in to keep from reaching for him. His tone was still detached and it pulled at her guts. Wishing he would get angry, yell, jump up and down, anything but sit stone still and recite facts, she silently begged him to go on, to tell her all of it. She no longer worried about how it would effect her. Her Colonel needed to get this out, to purge the bad feelings and memories.

"I finally went back to the village. They were just beginning their evening meal. Needless to say, I wasn't exactly welcome. Except by Laira. The survivors had all gathered at her house; it was one of the few large buildings still standing. Paynan was hostile, not really something I was in the mood for at the moment. He was spouting off something about it all being our fault and that we shouldn't have come. I don't even remember what I said in response. I was so angry. It was beginning to look like I'd be trapped on that planet with them and all around me I felt blame and anger. We'd saved their butts and they couldn't let go of their selfishness long enough to realize that their families and friends were safe. On Earth. Where I wanted to be.

"I was so disgusted I just started to leave. That's when Laira spoke. Without accusing or being anything but calm and polite, she made everyone feel about three inches tall."

Sam's heart skipped a beat as a soft smile swept across his face. It was beautiful, lighting up his whole face. Stomach clenching at the sight, she couldn't stop the thought from forming: I want that smile directed at me one day. But at least now she knew it was there, just waiting for its moment to come out. Surprisingly, she didn't care that it was Laira who'd made it appear. The woman had treated Sam's Colonel with kindness. It was shinghing she would always be thankful for.

"Laira invited me into her home, making sure everyone there knew that I was welcome. If they didn't like it they could leave. I still can't believe how much that little scrap of acceptance meant to me. But from then on I knew I'd make it. Either way, Earth or Edora, I'd survive.

"I went to work the next morning in the fields and around the town. These people needed help and I was capable of offering."

It was such a typical Jack O'Neill statement. People needed help and he was there. How could she have ever found him arrogant and cold? He was so caring of others and uncaring of his own self that it made her want to protect him, to keep others from taking advantage of him. A tiny sigh escaped her. Whatever she learned today, she didn't think it was going to do anything to help her fall out of love with him.

"What few crops were left needed to be harvested so the majority of us went to work there. Paynan nearly fell over when I just picked up that thresher and went to it. It had been a long time since I'd worked on my Grandpa's farm, but it all came back as soon as I felt the wood in my hands. I used to spend summers there surrounded by wheat and corn and vegetables. Everything I'd known so well came rushing back, the proper swing, the grip, don't cut too far down the stalk. It was like yesterday. And I found that when I was working in the fields or rebuilding the village that I didn't think about Earth, about home. The ache that had started as I stared at the place where the Stargate used to stand would simply melt away until I went back to dig after evening meal.

"It was about at two months when I stopped going out there every night. I still missed home, all the people of the SGC, Teal'c, Daniel, you, Hammond, Doc Fraiser. But I'd made a life for myself on Edora and it wasn't a bad one. It was calm, peaceful. It would have killed me five years ago."

Five years ago your son had just killed himself. She thought she'd said it aloud, her hands flying to cover her mouth. But the Colonel didn't turn to stare at her, didn't even twitch. Breathing another sigh, she lowered her hands back to her lap. He'd needed action and no spare time back then. Even a year later, when she'd first come to the SGC he'd been that way. Idle hands had given him time to think, to reflect and he hadn't been ready for that yet.

"I'd head down to the pit every other night, then every couple nights. Then one day I just stopped altogether. I think that was about a week before Teal'c came through. Yeah, because it was the day before he arrived that Laira kissed me."

And there it was, the part she'd been dreading. But hearing it like that, after she'd heard all the rest, didn't stab through her as she'd thought it would. A tiny corner of her mind thrilled at the knowledge that he hadn't made that first . T. That same part immediately followed up with a mention of semantics, but she didn't care.

"Shocked the hell out of me. I'd pretty much given up on being able to get back home, but I hadn't really turned my mind that far in the future. She and I were very close, I stayed in the house with her and her son, Garin, but she'd never hinted for anything more."

Yes, she had, Sam told him silently, chest tightening again. She'd seen the way Laira had looked at the Colonel, had known the woman was attracted to him. The man simply couldn't see it. He called himself an old fossil, a crusty soldier, a pain in the ass. Well, sometimes he could be a pain in the ass, but he was a gorgeous, caring and giving one. And damn it all, he was her pain in the ass.

"That night she shocked me again when she told me what she wanted. I told her my reservations, my doubts, but she didn't care. She wanted that night. And so did I." Jack stopped, abruptly realizing what he'd just told Carter. But she still didn't say anything, a stronger encouragement than any words could have been. "The next morning she'd taken the basket with my gear out of the trunk where I'd packed it. She was going to take it to the river and get rid of it all. I knew she was doing the right thing at the time, but I wanted to hold on just a little longer. She was so understanding. And I knew the mere presence of my uniform was hurting her. I hedged around by saying the clothes were still good, we could use them. Then she asked if they reminded me of home. I told her to toss it all."

That was it then, the moment he'd really and truly given up the hope of coming home. One day faster, one night working longer and the Colonel wouldn't have had to go through any of this. Guilt wormed through her, tying her heart in knots. If she could have just finished the particle beam a day sooner... 'What if,' Sam, she chided herself. You don't play that game remember?

"I hadn't worn them in at least a month, but I'd kept them packed away anyway. It should have been harder, I guess, letting go, but the look on her face was worth it. I felt free that day. I worked on the next house on the repair list and getting the bumper field plowed for the winter crop and I looked forward to coming back home to Laira."

The Colonel paused, rubbing his hands back and forth absently. Sam wanted him to spit it all out, was practically biting her lip to keep from pushing. This wasn't easy for him, but she could already see a lessening of the tension that had been in his shoulders and on his face. That tiny bit of knowledge let her hold her tongue and wait for him to continue.

"I don't know what possessed her to turn the radio on. I did eve even ask her. But when she'd told me at lunch that she'd heard voices on it, I couldn't breathe for a few seconds. I can't remember if I said anything or if I just grabbed the radio and ran. I called over and over on the channel as I made my way to the pit. When I heard Teal'c's voice I almost cried, he sounded so good. He told me about his oxygen running out and I found where he was digging at using the NRDF signal from the radio. I'd grabbed a pick on my out to the 'Gate. Garin had followed me with a shovel. We began to dig furiously, pulling up chunks of dirt.

"I don't know how long she'd been standing there off to the side before I noticed. That's when I came out of my bubble and realized what this was going to do to her. But she didn't say anything, she just smiled, then headed back to the house.

"I heard Teal'c digging through the layer that was left so I got back to helping him. After we broke through and got him onto the ground, I was so excited I hugged him. Hell, I might have even kissed him."

He had. Teal'c had asked her and Daniel if it was customary for males to greet each other in such a way. They'd tried to explain that the Colonel had probably been so overjoyed at seeing him, he hadn't really thought before he'd acted. The Jaffa had seemed to understand.

As Colonel O'Neill had related the part about the radio, his voice had gotten more and more animated. It lookedSam Sam as if he was coming back to himself with each word now, more the Jack O'Neill she'd known before Edora.

"We dug out the DHD and I left Teal'c to ring you guys. I had to talk to Laira before everyone started pouring through the 'Gate to come home.

"She wouldn't let me say anything. Just told me she wouldn't have changed a thing." Abruptly, he turned on the bench, eyes searching hers. "Sam, she knew. She'd known all along that if that Gate opened I would come back here. No matter what she felt or what I felt. I'd still come back to Earth, to you here."

Sam barely heard him, her heart was still stuck on hearing her name in his voice. He'd used it so rarely it shocked her to a heart thumping state. Colonel O'Neill was still looking at her, completely focused on what she would say. His eyes pleaded with her to help him and she would have given her right arm to take that look from his eyes, but she just didn't know how. Everything that came to mind was a meaningless platitude and she wasn't about to do that to him. When nothing was forthcoming from her, he went on, trying to explain to her, to himself, why he couldn't move on with his life.

"On Edora, I didn't have to be Colonel Jack O'Neill, United States Air Force. I could just be Jack. My biggest worry of the day was whether we'd pulled a catch of fish for dinner. I didn't have to worry about the next planet I was headed to and if this was the one where I got a teammate killed. I was just 'Jack,'" he repeated, anxious for some reason for her to understand what he was saying. "But Laira wouldn't have been able to understand the distinction. There was nothing I could say to her. So I held her. I held her until I had to be Colonel O'Neill again.

"Why did she do it, Sam? Why did she allow it happen? I feel like I used her, like I was just biding time until I coult hot home."

"It would have taken a lot less than three months if you had just been biding your time," she assured him, hoping he'd gather her meaning quickly. She didn't know if she could put sex and him in the same sentence without falling all over him.

"Then why?"

Unable to stay away any longer with his voice and face so tortured, she knelt in front of him, grasping his cold hands in hers. "Sir, she did it because she wanted you, Jack the man. Not the Air Force Colonel with ribbons up and down his chest. She wanted to be with you. And I don't believe she cared if it was only for ten minutes or for ten years. Because for that time you were hers and that's something no one can ever take away from her." The tiny worm of jealousy reared back up again as she spoke from the heart. Sam knew exactly how Laira had felt. The blonde Major had struggled to keep her emotions buried, to keep her thoughts professional. But she also knew that if she'd ever had the chance to be with him, she'd have done what the Edoran woman had done.

His eyes dropped to their entwined hands. "I miss her, Sam." He realized the inappropriateness of his confession as soon as it left his mouth. But she merely squeezed his hands, trapping his eyes with her own.

"And you wouldn't be the man I know if you didn't."

The ache inside him began to melt with her words, almost as if it had been awaiting her permission to go away. He felt lighter, as if a boulder had finally eased off his chest. Looking into Samantha Carter's eyes, a peace fell over him, all the tension of his return and the worrying of what he'd come home to faded, unneeded. And with that peace came a blinding bit of insight. He had been biding time on Edora, but unconsciously. He had been waiting, unable to let go, even as now he couldn't seem to get his hand to let Carter's go. The part of him he'd been unable to give to Laira, what he could never leave behind, had been on Earth. It just hadn't been Earth itself. It was kneeling before him, gently rubbing his hands with her own and helping him get over losing another woman.

Sam's eyes never left his so she saw the ever so slight loosening of muscles around his eyes. As his hands squeezed hers lightly, she became aware that she'd been rubbing her thumbs in soothing circles over his skin. Instantly, she stopped, already feeling the blush travel across her face. She tried to look down, utterly embarrassed, but he never shifted his attention from her, his gaze a magnet she couldn't resist.

"I do miss Laira," he repeated, catching the small shift of Carter's lips as he said the Edoran's name. It gave him the courage to continue. "But I can live without her. That's why I feel like I used her. Because what I can't live without has been right here all along."

Breath frozen in place somewhere between her lungs and her throat, Sam began to shiver uncontrollably, hands still firmly clasped with his. He's not talking about you, she told herself frantically, struggling to get control of her body. She'd dreamed of him saying something like that to her more times than she could count, but never her reaction to it. The need for oxygen finally took over, allowing her to suck in a breath. He was still staring straight at her, face intent. She opened her mouth to say something, anything, to break the stillness, to try and bring things back to a place of comfort.

And then he smiled.

His lips formed the smile she'd just been wishing to be sent in her direction. Sam had thought it beautiful moments ago, but she'd been wrong. It was breathtaking. She basked in its quiet warmth, practically purring from only the look in his eyes.

"I was kind of hoping that would be your reaction," Jack allowed himself a moment of joy before squishing it with reality. "We've danced around for a long time, Sam. I don't have any idea what to do or where to go from this moment. All I know is that I can't lose you or your friendship."

"Sir, you could never lose me," she hastily reassured him, heart leaping in her chest. "Not even when you were gone. You had me then, the whole time." The Colonel slipped a hand from hers, slowly raising it to glide along her cheek, the backs of his fingers gentle. Tears accompanied the lump that filled her throat. She blinked them back, forcing her voice to work for at least one more word. "Never."

Jack slid his hand into her hair, fingers threading through the silk. The tension that had left him as he'd talked to her instantly returned, its focus altered to the woman kneeling before him. He tilted her head up slightly, leaning slowly toward her as he did so. A band squeezed around his heart when she didn't pull away, didn't resist. Their breaths mingling, he paused, giving her one last chance to back away. So far all they'd done was talk. In the next few seconds they would either come to their senses or break a handful of regulations.

To hell with the regs, he decided, closing that last bit of distance between them. Tiny shocks swept over him as their lips met. Her skin was warm, hot even. The hand he'd left empty when he'd reached for her cheek grabbed for purchase, some anchor through the maelstrom within her. She contacted his bare thigh, fingers tightening over the smooth muscle. Jack shook at the contact, his other hand sliding up her arm to grasp at her shoulder, pulling her closer.

Sam was falling, no floating, no spinning. Whatever it was, it was out of control and she didn't care. His mouth was hot on hers, tongue sliding over her lips, requesting permission. She opened eagerly for him, shifting to get closer to him. His knees brushed her sides as her hands slid up the tops of his thighs, the dense muscle twitching at the caress. Their tongues met, shivers dancing down her spine. Totally lost in him, she didn't care that they were in the middle of the SGC in the very public gym where anyone could happen to walk by. All she cared about was Jack's mouth on hers and the unbelievable heat wherever they touched. Her hands toyed with the cuffs of his cotton shorts before slipping underneath to trail her fingers lightly over the top of his legs and around the outside of his thighs.

Jack broke away from her mouth with a sharply indrawn breath. God, she was driving him crazy with a kiss and a simple pet. You're such a goner, Jack. "Sam," he managed to squeeze out, hands unable to halt their rubbing. Her eyes opened slowly, as if she were drugged, lids hooding their bright color and sending another jolt of desire down his spine. "We can either stop right now and go on about our day or find some place more private."

She knew what he was really asking. Staring up at him, his hands leaving trails of fire over her skin, she felt high, as if she's gotten something really good from Janet. But she knew what it was. She was high on Jack and the look in his eyes was pulling her ever closer to him. There was no doubt how she would answer. That had been settled the moment he'd smiled at her. Dragging her hands across his knees, she drew her nails up the sensitive skin of his inner thighs. Smiling at his gasping shudder, she spoke, "Your place or mine, Jack?"

His eyes burned into hers, darkening even further. "God, whichever is closer," he ground out, voice rough, yanking her back to his mouth. His name in her voice echoed through his head as their tongues stroked against each other. Her hands were scorching their way over his legs, teasingly close to the part of him that was suddenly aching for her. "Okay. Now we're leaving," he gasped, pulling away reluctantly. Even the time it was going to take to get to one of their rooms was too much time apart.

"Right," she agreed, slipping her hands down his legs. "We should get going." Jack looked at her, eyes burning into hers as she leaned back and stood up, blindly reaching for her discarded towel.

They didn't speak as Jack stood, wrapping his sweatshirt around his waist to try and conceal the telltale bulge at the front of his shorts. The weights were left on the racks as they made their way out the door and down the corridor. Neither spoke, trying to walk unhurriedly as the tension continued to build around them. Arriving at Jack's room what seemed to be an hour later, he silently threw the lock and motioned her inside. Flipping the bolt as he turned to face her, he caught sight of the bed, where he desperately wanted to be right then. But the thoughts that had begun plaguing him on the walk all crashed together in his head and kept him on the opposite side of the room. He tossed the sweatshirt over a chair, searching for the words he needed.

"Jack?" The name was getting easier to get out with each passing moment. She'd thought they'd be in each other's arms as soon as the door shut, but he was across the room, staring so solemnly at her. "What is it?" After all these years of hiding her feelings, she didn't think she could lock them away again if he had changed his mind.

She thinks I'm going to tell her I was wrong, he realized, that I don't want her. Which was laughably so far from them truth. He felt himself pressed against the usually comfortable cotton shorts and struggled not to just grab her and get rid of their clothes as fast as possible. But they had to talk before that happened. It was going to change everything between them and the rest of SG1 if something occurred in this room. Unable to resist staying at a distance with that hopeful, half-scared look on her face, he turned to face the wall. Much safer. "Sam, we have to talk about this. About the consequences."

He's not going to back out, she told herself, warmth flooding through her. He's just worried. "I suppose you're right." She watched as he nodded, still facing away. Striding silently to him, she gently lifted his shirt, raking her nails over his side, thrilling at his shudder.

"Sam," he whispered, trapping her hands against his waist with his own. She was killing him. Didn't she know he was barely holding on as it was? Couldn't she see?

Hands burning on his skin, she leaned over his back, bringing her lips on level with his left ear. She could feel gentle tremors move through him as she pressed herself against his back. "We should talk," she breathed in his ear. "But I don't want to, Jack."

Her words slammed through him as her tongue licked its way up his neck. Hands clenching hers at his sides, he didn't know if it was what she said next or what she did that sent him over the edge.

"Jack, I want you," she stated baldly, nipping gently on his ear. She suddenly found her mouth being ravaged and loving every second of his out of control passion. His hands tightened over her hips, melding them together. A gasp pulled out of her at their connection. Their heights matched perfectly, bringing his thrusts in line with her own. His shirt was suddenly in the way. She needed skin against her. Grabbing the edges, she broke the kiss just long enough to pull the shirt over his head. And found his lips hot on her neck.

Slow down, Jack, the last thinking part of his brain cautioned, or you'll never make it. But her little sighs of pleasure as he worked his mouth and tongue over her collarbone and up her neck drove him on. Thrusting against her, his hands slid up from her hips to smooth up her back. She laid her head back, pressing her chest to his as his mouth continued to work over her heated flesh.

She should have known he'd be this passionate, should have guessed from the way he went after everything else in life. Why should his lovemaking be any different? Her breathing was ragged, body screaming for him as he pushed her shirt out of the way of his questing hands. Raising his head, he held her gaze as his hand closed over her breast, the tight cloth of the sports bra an irritant that kept him from her skin. Jack pulled the shirt the rest of the way off and was reaching for the band of elastic when her hands beat him to it.

She kept her eyes on Jack's unwavering ones as she pulled the cloth from her body, breathing just a little easier without it. But the next lungful halted abruptly when he slowly, reverently, trailed his hand over her side to cover the newly exposed flesh. A moan slipped from her throat as his hand smoothed over her, squeezing gently before rubbing lightly over the tip.

His hands burning from the silk of her skin, Jack concentrated on her reactions and on hon how his body responded to the feel of her, the look on her face. He'd make it through this somehow. Whether it was sane or not was another matter altogether. Sam's hands had made their way down his back and were slipping beneath cotton to cup over his bottom, squeezing their bodies together. Jack dropped his head to rest on hers, breathing harsh. "This is going to go way too fast if you keep doing things like that, Sam."

She shivered as his voice washed over her. It was rough, strained and full of desire for her. And totally perfect. "I've waited years for this. I'm not really in the mood for slow right now." His eyes snapped open to catch hers mere inches away. She caught a barely audible, "Thank God," before his mouth captured hers again. Sensation flashed through her as a sense of unreality worked through her brain. This was Colonel O'Neill, her Colonel, her Jack in her arms. Her Jack that was shuddering as she shoved the cotton of his shorts and undershorts down his legs. Her Jack that groaned when their bare flesh met fully for the first time. She'd dreamed of how he'd feel but had never allowed herself to actually wish for it. It was, he was, far surpassing her dreams.

Tugging her with him to the bed, he fell back, glorying in the weight of her on top of him. She was so perfect for him, tall and leggy and utterly perfect. Hands buried in her hair, he brought their lips together again, shifting to bring her underneath him. She parted for him instantly, slipping her legs up around his hips. Accepting her invitation with joy, he made an initial push against her heat before reality kicked in once again. "Sam," he gasped, body screaming. "Sam, I don't have anything."

Struggling to focus on his words, she had a hard time keeping from pulling him to her again. But his voice was anguished, desire evident in every syllable. Then the carefully enunciated words finally penetrated her Jack-drugged brain. "We're okay, Jack. I happen to know you're in perfect health. As for me, it's taken care of."

"It is?"

Sam didn't know which thrilled her more, the obvious relief or the thread of jealousy in his voice. He didn't like the idea of her with someone else anymore than she did of him. "Jack, it's mandatory for all female SG team members that 'Gate offworld."

"Oh," he let out, breath moving to his lungs once again. "Remind me to buy Janet some flowers," he murmured before capturing her mouth with his again. Her hands were stroking up and down his back, sending shocks down to his toes. Tongues stroking in an imitation of other caresses, he planted his arms on either side of her head. Breaking the kiss gently, he met her eyes, a smile to match hers on his face.

Pushing his hips forward, he found entry smoothly, groaning as her heat flooded over him. She raised herself to meet him, unable to breathe as he filled her. Sheathed fully, he struggled to breathe, to hold himself still. His head dropped to rest on hers, eyes clenched shut. But that was of no help as it only intensified the feel of her wrapped tightly around him. She shifted beneath him, too impatient to wait for him to move. The tiny friction shuddered through him as she clenched tightly around him.

"Sam, God, please don't move," he pleaded, voice rough, pleasure filled at her slightest twitch. "You've got to give me a minute or it's all over."

"I am not waiting another second, Jack. I've waited forever as it is." She tangled her hand in his short hair, pulling his lips to hers. His shudder matched hers as he could resist no longer, hips raising briefly before crushing into hers again. They clutched at one another, gasping as hands found new places to torment. As he thrust into her again, she could feel the climax begin to ripple through her, her body tightening around him. "With me, Jack," she moaned out, nails dragging down his spine to the small of his back. A shuddering cry escaped him as he felt her all around him, squeezing, coaxing, pulling him into oblivion. She rippled over him, caressing him with her wet heat. Their cries mingled as he fell over the edge with her, hands clutching each other.

Sam breathed deep, filling her lungs with him. Jack's head was buried in the crook of her neck, breathing harsh as well. Her body tingled as tiny aftershocks swept through her. She reveled in the feel of his weight as it rested on her, her hands stroking gently over the damp skin of his back. Trying to decide on an appropriate thing to say, Jack beat her to it.

"Wow."

"Wow?" it came out as a giggle, a very un-Carter-like giggle. "You can't think of anything but 'wow?'"

Jack levered himself up to look in her eyes, not even bothering to check his grin as their eyes met. "Yeah, wow. I'm not up for more than one syllable yet." Totally ignoring the fact that he'd just contradicted himself, he kissed her softly, fingers combing through the hair surrounding her face. Their eyes met as he pulled back, the soft smile still on his lips.

Soaking in his expression, she simply enjoyed the emotions flowing through her. She'd never allowed herself to let go of her tight hold on them. Their professional relationship could not be compromised because she'd fallen in love with her CO. She had no idea what they were going to do, but after having him in her arms, all she knew was that she couldn't let him go. "That was the last thing I ever thought would happen today."

"But it's not a bad thing, right?"

"No," she cupped her hand over his cheek, feeling the beginnings of the stubble that had fascinated her back in Antarctica. "Definitely not a bad thing. But we will have to decide how we're going to handle this."

"Hey, I wanted to talk first. And I must say that's a turnaround if I ever heard one," he teased, loving the snort of laughter that she hurriedly tried to cover up. As her stomach tightened in laughter, so did lower muscles, gently flexing around the part of him still inside her. He felt a stirring at the caress, pleasantly surprised. Her eyes smiled into his, filling his chest with warmth.

"So, what do you want to do now?" She had a couple of ideas of her own, ones that included him and a stream of steaming hot water, but she wanted to see what he could come up with.

"Actually, I was hoping we could do that again. Only a little slower this time. I wanted to take my time before, but someone wouldn't let me." He took the sting out of the words with a kiss on her nose, smiling when she wrinkled it. He laid a string of feather-light kisses over her jaw and trailing down her neck. Her skin was so soft and smelled like vanilla. It was something he'd never noticed before and the feminine scent sent a jolt of reaction down his body.

A shiver worked down her back as his lips kissed their way down to her collarbone. She tried to reply, to tell him she wanted the same thing, but she felt him inside her, expanding to fill her again. "I told you I didn't want slow," she finally got out, running her hands over his shoulders and down his chest. "But I think I could handle it now." Her voice trailed off as his tongue swept lightly over her breast, sensation shooting directly to where their bodies merged. Her breath caught in her throat as his mouth closed over the tip, sucking gently. Tongue flicking lightly back and forth over the sensitive flesh, he felt a sense of unreality falling over him. This was Carter, his Carter, he was kissing. His Carter that was slowly turning his remaining brain cells to mush. The only thing he knew was that if it was a dream he'd better not wake up any time soon.

"Jack," she moaned as his mouth continued the sweet torture. "How do you feel about showers?"

Giving the soft flesh one last caress, he raised his head to meet her eyes. The languid glow he found there whispered through him. "I've got nothing against showers. Why?"

"I just thought we could go get cleaned up," she said innocently, hands working their way down his chest. "We did just come from the gym." Sam watched the idea form in his mind, felt his response within her, pulling another sigh out of her, turning hoiceoice breathy. "Wanna go be bad?"

Not bothering to stifle his laugh, he eased out of her heat with a groan. Grasping her hands in his, he tugged her to her feet, not letting her get her balance. He wrapped an arm under her knees and swept her high against his chest. Her giggle filled the room as he carried her into the small adjacent bathroom. "I think I've created a monster," he growled against her neck, taking small bites as he lowered her feet to the floor.

"And you're loving every minute of it." Abruptly realizing what her teasing statement implied, her gaze flew to his. Expecting a stunned or even frozen expression, his warm smile and loving eyes brought that lump back to her throat.

"As a matter of fact," he stated quietly, cupping her face once again with both hands, "I am."

Sam felt a smile stretch over her face, only to be met by the one on Jack's face. Joy filled her as their lips met once again. Heat flowed between them, warming the small room as time stood still for them both.

*****************

fin