Dead Men Don't Cry

Disclaimer: Don't own anything, yada yada yada. don't pay attention enough to know who does, but i'm sure their a hella of a lot richer than me.
Warning: Pre slash. If you don't like it or are too young to deal with two men in a relationship, then go elsewhere. This is like post slash Hunt/Tyr, and per slash Harper/Tyr. Lots of Tyr. hehehe.
Distribution: Sure, but e-mail me first to let me know where you're putting it.
Rating: PG-13, I err on the safe side for a suididal Tyr and u know, bits of slashy goodness. Also, Harper swears like Harper would if he weren't on cable.
Feedback: The more the merrier. =)

Dead Men Don't Cry (A/N and another godawfull title curtisy of yours truly)
By Meklorka


I knew this was going to happen.
Well, yeah, but at the same time I can't believe it.

I so told him so. I told Dylan that Tyr was going to try something like this. You know what? The bastard didn't even fucking care. Doesn't give a damn now either. I can't believe him, how'd he get to be so fucking stupid. I tell him, "Hey cap, think Tyr's gonna try to kill himself or something" You know what he says? Nothing. Just sits there and looks at me, not like he's in shock, or confused, or anything, more like he's trying to figure out what to say. Then he gets this grin on his face, this ohwhatafuckingidiot smile. "No, Mr. Harper, I don't think you need to worry about that," as if he knows something I don't. Shit, showed him didn't I?

Thing is, I still don't get why he was smiling.

Aw, well, can't know every secret of the universe, can we? Even though I am the best damn engener on the ship. Uh, ok, the only one. But still...

I knew about Tyr though. Ever since it started.... wait, when did it start? Wow. Seems like forever. A little after That deal with the convey and the plaugue. 95% causulties, Harper, 38 million dead, Harper. Why don't you throw on a cape and become superman, Harper? Why can't you be Dylan, Harper? God. That's fucking sick. Everyone worships Dylan, while the rest of us not so 300 year old commonwealth captain types get treated like shit around here. Seriously unfair.

Anyway, about a month after, he starts going all nutso. At first it was little things like, Oh, a life threating mission I may not survive? Ok, I'll take it and pretend for once I actually care about the common good. I thought it was like a bunch of pent up anger he needed to get out, by you know, kicking some ass or something. I mean, I felt the same way with the magog eggs. Like, I'd kick someone's ass, and I'd picture them as one of those fuckers, and then I'd feel better for, oh, maybe 5 seconds before I felt like crap again.

Then it started getting a little weirder. Like that one time let let himself be drowned in the Maru to save me, cuz we didn't have enough suits... er I sorta didn't replace the broken one... anyways, that is atypical Tyr behavior. I mean, I heard from Rev it took some convincing for him to die for me, but it should have took a lot more than that. I mean, he should have had to like tie him down, but no, he actually told Rev to tie him down. He agreed to die for me, even though he might not have been revived. God I get chills when I tryimagimagine what that was like... all that water, just laying there as it rises higher and higher... Bad visual. I'll stop now.

Then he started doing the dangerous mission thing some more, actually more like a lot. Everytime an oppurtunity arose that seemed dangerous he'd take it, just like that. I guess that wasn't enough either, because then he started doing stupid stuff, like jumping into battle at the worst places, in the worst conditions, once or twice without weapons at all. I think that's when it started to occur to me that something was way wrong with that guy. I mean, nieztcean, he's not suppose to risk his life for anything. They are the ultimate self preservation freaks. Tyr wasn't suppose to be risking his neck for anyone, but he was doing it for everyone. And then their were the fights. We'd go down to a planet, Tyr would go to a bar, get drunk and then promptly get in a fight with the meanest looking guy in the joint. Beka said "male agression thing" and I just sorta smiled and nodded. Then I was liwhoawhoa, wait back up, I'm male. I'm agressive. I dont get in a fight everytime I get drunk in a bar though.

I still didn't get it. Took me a while to connect the dots. Took me until that time when Tyr nearly got the Maru blown up - with him in it. Andromeda was having a bit of a problem kicking some nietzcean ass, and all of a sudden, bang! Tyr bursts through the side of the ship and engages all of them in battle, and I do mean all. There were 10 of the real big and ugly variety, and we were already crippled when they stopped by to say hi. Tyr nearly blew our ship up too with his little manuevre through the door. I mean, its weird, if Tyr hadn't done it we would be very dead right now, but now everyone's complaining about "Oh no, almost got us killed, blah blah blah, bullshit, bullshit," Key word - almost. We are in fact quite alive, thankyouverymuch. Anyways, he shot at all of them, pretty much all at once. Boom boom boom, zap zap, and a lot more of both, and they were adacuately distracted. Guess what happened next? Dylan decided to leave. "His decision" he said. Never even blinked when they started firing on the maru. Beka said no, she wasn't going to leave the Maru, or Tyr, in that order. I seconded her. Trance got mad, couldn't believe we were thinking of leaving him behind, after all, he was out their busting his ass for us. Rommie abstained. Dylan didn't care, and he didn't think we were prepared to stop him. I was, so was Beka. We could have taken him. And, well Trance, who knows, she probably could have taken him single handedly. Luckingly for Dylan, reenforcements appeared out of thin air, the day was saved, and we didn't have to leave Tyr behind. Or the Maru for that matter.

Both were beat up real bad. By the time the fight was over it was just sitting there. The engine had blown up, weapons were gone, and it was about to fall to pieces. Same could be said for Tyr. We tried to hail him like over and over and over, but apparantly no one was home. We all thought he was dead - Dylan was going to get more than the evil eye from Beka, for sure. Rommie couldn't tell, sensors were down. We dragged the ship back inside, and me, trance and beka went to look for Tyr. Dylan was "needed on the bridge" and Rommie was too busy gawking at him like usual to notice the rest of us. Beka was scared out of her mind, I could tell. I think Trance was praying or something: her lips kept on moving, but nothing came out. I was just trying not to think about it.

We found him. Well, more like *I* found him. They looked in the bridge, didnt see him, then started running around like crazy. I stopped and looked a little better, and there he was, on the floor, by Beka's favorite seat, curled up in a ball. I wanted to yell to them, to tell them I had found him, but the words just wouldn't come out. Suddenly I was there, on the ground next to him, shaking him, because he looked dead. His eyes were open, but he was bloody and I couldn't tell if he was breathing or not. He was crying too, thats how I finally figured out he wasn't dead. Dead men don't cry.

I didn't understand what was wrong with him, other than the fact he had cracked his head on something. I mean, it was only a flesh wound. I didn't get it until he finally looked up at me, his big brown puppy dog eyes full of tears. You know what he did then? He look up and me, and he ask me "Why aren't I dead?" Then he started shaking all over, and he fell back down. That's when I called Beka in. "He's in shock, he'll be okay," Trance lied. She knew something was wrong. So did Beka, but I don't think she really knew what it was. I didn't tell any of them what he had said. Not even when I told Dylan I thought Tyr was trying to kill himself. I didn't even repeat it to Tyr. I didn't talk to him about any of it. I should have, but I didn't. Wanted to but couldn't. Was hoping he would just stop. Stop trying to kill himself. Stop making me feel more relieved than I should when he failed. Stop making me worry about him like I cared or something. To tell you the truth, everytime I started to say something I would remember him, lying on the bridge, wishing he were dead. And then those words...

Oh god. I'm crying again. How fucking embarrassing. See, this is what I'm talking about. No one has ever made me cry, not like this, not ever. Just Tyr. That basterd. How can he do this to me? Thank God he didn't succeed thime.ime.

We were fighting Dregos again, this time hand to hand. We were on a "friendly" planet, just trying to get away from it all for a day, and you guessed it, ambush. There were lots of them, lots and lots. It was a bad fight. They really wanted us dead, and there was no place to run, so we had to pretty much fight our way through them. Must have been outnumbered 3:1, and me and Trance were completly unarmed. Stupid, I know, but I wasn't planing on fighting anything, I just wanted to lay out on a beach for a while, catch some waves, hit some bars, meet some girls, that kind of stuff. Trance was doing ok though, she can be real mean when she tries. Me? Uhmm... lets just say I wasn't prepared to fight anything more than some mild indigestion, the not so bad kind that you get from really good food. Then Tyr throws me his lance. Yes, I do know how to use one of those, actually. I'm not so bad, I just sorta softened up lately, you know, lack of any real physical activity. We all ended up in really bad shape though. Beka had a gash that scared the hell out of me. Trance almost got her head chopped off. Beyond that we all seemed fine, at first. Thank god those nietzs had left their real weapons back at the checkpoint, or we would all be dead. Its weird that they did though. Didn't make any sense, same with the way they fought. They seemed more interested in Dylan and Tyr than the rest of us, but then again, people usually are.

Then I see Tyr. He's laying on the ground, and I can see this pool of blood starting on the ground next to him. I think, oh God, those basterds got him. The only problem with that is the fact his hand is on the hilt of the knife coming out of his stomach.

I couldn't believe it. Still can't. I just stood there, stunned. Trance was screaming. Beka's wound suddenly was nothing more than a scratch as she lifted Tyr up and carried him to the nearest buillding. Dylan was yelling orders to everyone while trying to hold his guts in his side. The people on the planet saved Tyr's life, stiched us all up, denied knowledge of the "unfortunate incident" and sent us on our way.

Now here we are. Tyr just woke up after a long time of being unconcious. Beka is smiling and happy again. She's pretending the whole 'Tyr trying to kill himself' thing didn't happen. Trance seems relieved, but hasn't said a lot. Rommie keeps on looking at Dylan - huh, I wonder why. I'm hoping that no one notices I'm crying again.

Beka steps back after her friendly comrade act, and looks back to see who's gonna fill the spot she's wanting to leave behind. Busted. She's sees the tears and smiles. Dear god, do I feel like an idiot. I take a step forward, whiping my nose and eyes on the back of my hand, but I'm cut off.

Dylan. What a prick. That's my spot. Of coarse I don't say any of that outloud, but I feel like it when I hear what he's saying.

"You're a real dissapointment Tyr. You think I don't know what you did?"

"You fucking basterd! What's your problem?!?" I push him back from the examination table. Wow, did I just say that outloud?

Rommie grabs me, whirls me around. I'm so mad I almost hit her, but she grabs my arm really hard and holds it there. Too hard, it'll leave a mark, for sure.

"Don't you wonder how the Nietzscheans knew we were there, Harper? Let me fill in the blanks for you. Tyr calls in Nietzscheans, tells them our location, and tells them to kill Dylan. Feeling gu he he sticks a knife into his stomach. Still feel sorry for him?"

Dylan says something else insulting, then stomps out, Rommie on his heals like the good dog she is. It all sort of becomes a blur.

"Is that true Tyr?" Beka gets straight to the point. That wound's going to scar.

"Only partially," he answers in his almost always calm voice. Always sort of reminded me of honey.

"Then why don't you tell us the other part?" Oh boy, is she pissed now.

"I did tell the attackers our location. However, I also told them not to bring automatic weapons. You were not to be hurt. Their were only two targets and only one of them is in thoom,oom,"

"Dylan and who? Me? Is that it, Tyr?" She doesn't see it. I can't believe she doesn't see it.

"No Beka. Not you. Tyr. He told them to kill him too," I step up, and I'm looking right inis bis big brown eyes. Suddenly I'm remembering the bridge of the Maru. Here come the tears, but I'm keeping them in my eyes. No tear stained cheeks for Harper this time. Then I remember how he looked down on the planet, lying their with his blood leaking out onto the concret of the alleyway. I see that dagger sticking out of him, and I'm crying again.

Tyr doesn't comment on the emotional outburst I'm having, luckily.

"Is this true?" She's looking around with that lon hon her face, that look that says, 'I just can't deal with life anymore'. That makes two of us, sister.

"As you can see, sometimes to get things done right, you have to do them yourself. Then again, that doesn't always work either," he says it like he regrets it.

All I'm thinking is: why. I still don't get it, he's a Nietzschean, they don't kill themselves.

"I'm sorry, I can't -" Oh great, now she's getting choked up too. She just turns and walks out, but before she does she mumbles something that I think only I heard. I swear, she must be a mind reader.

Trance and I look at each other, before she runs off to help Beka overcome whatever she's going through. Wonderful, now who's going to help me? I'm stuck in here with him, and he's staring straight at me and I haven't stopped crying yet.

I'm leaving. Screw this. He brought this on himself. I start to walk out, and the guilt's already eating away at me. Come on, I haven't even reached the door yet. Right now I'm just hoping he'll say something, anything to make me stay.

"Harper,"

I'm relieved, I'm afraid, I'm very confused.

"Don't let him break your toy,"

Wasn't seeing that one coming. Hell, I don't even know what that one was.

"My toy?" I manage finally.

He's sitting there, all self control and composure. Damn him.

"The android,"

Revelation hits me like... well, revelation. Oh my god. I so did not see that coming.

"Is that why you did it?"

"Is what why I did what?" he knows what I'm talking about - he's just playing safe.

"Him. He screwed you over, didn't he?" There's only one other him left. I don't have to name names to get my point across.

An amused little smile crosses his face, and he st lst laughs. "In more ways than one,"

Oh. Wow. Well, you know what I'm going to say next. Never saw that one coming either.

"You mean - you and he... wait- you guys-" my voice is cracking so much I'm glad he interupts before I say something really stupid, or before I lose my voice permantantly.

"Yes,"

"Why did you try to..."

He really looks like he's going to explain it for about 2 seconds before he gives me a typically Idontwanttotalkaboutit answer.

"You wouldn't understand," He turns over on his side, with his back to me, thinking I'll go away. I'm not planning to.

"He took your honor," Wow, Seamous. I'm impressed. You surprised the Nietzschean. You said something intelligant. You're on a roll, now. He actually turned around, and he's sitting up. Maybe he decided he's going to have this coversation, after all.

"Let me tell you a story,"

TBC

A/N: Great Place to end it, huh. Next chap isn't in Harper POV, for all you people that hated how I made him sound. Yeah, weird story line I know. Not totally improbable. Think about Una Solas Victus. Now think about the very last scene. Then think about what the conversation was *really* about... (hint Tyr/Dylan post slash, remember?) Ahhh, there you go. Got what I'm trying to say? Good. If not, all good things come to those who wait - for the next chap. Review please, but don't flame me.