An Unlikely Threesome

It was a cold winter’s morn when , with Corporal Walter “Radar” O’Reilly behind it’s steering wheel, a jeep from the M*A*S*H 4077th headed out into dangerous territory. With Radar were Capt. Benjamin Franklin “Hawkeye” Pierce, and Major Margaret “Hotlips” Houlihan. The three members of the 4077th were putting themselves in harms way to help another mash unit, the 8012th, which was shorthanded, and bringing in wounded faster then they could handle them. Colonel Sherman T. Potter had asked volunteers to embark on this hazardous journey, and Hawkeye and Hotlips had been quick to oblige him, while Radar had needed some coaxing. Actually, it was more of a direct order than a request, so Radar didn’t have much choice.

The three knew that the trip to the 8012th was going to be dangerous, so they tried to avoid the main roads and dodged many dangerous situations on their way there. Upon arriving at the 8012th, they were greeted by an exhausted Col. Benjamin Dover, the company commander. With barely more than a handshake and a pat on the back, Col. Dover had the 3 members of the 4077th getting prepped for one of the longest days in the OR that any of the three had ever experienced.

What seemed like an eternity later (none of the three knew how long they had been in the OR. After a while, time had just seemed to stand still) Pierce, Houlihan, and O’Reilly staggered out of surgery, and back into the jeep to head back to the 4077th. “Maybe we should catch a few hours of shut eye before we head back.” yawned Hawkeye.

“I’m okay to drive Hawk. Really I am”, said a sleepy Radar. “And they really need us back there. Klinger said things are really picking up at the 4077th”

“He just misses his Teddy bear, but we really should start back, Captain.”, said a typically grouchy Maj. Houlihan. “If they need us we should get back, not to mention that I would rather sleep back at our own hell hole.”

“I’ve got a vintage bottle of gin in my bag, Margaret. Distilled two days ago! We could have a few snorts, pass out, and head back later. “

“Not on your life Captain. I may catch w wiw winks in the jeep on the way back, but the next bed I sleep in will be my own!”

Those last words by Margaret were very remarkable. Not for their accuracy, but rather for their inaccuracy. Major Houlihan would not sleep in her bed that night.

They packed up the jeep and hit the road back to the 4077th, and at first the trip went well. It was relatively quiet, and despite the bumpy road conditions (army jeeps give a bumpy ride on a smooth road, never mind the bombed out pot hole ridden roads of wartime Korea!) an exhausted Major Houlihan fell asleep with her head on the shoulder of Capt. Pierce. Margaret and Hawkeye had never been the best of friends, but at a time like this, Hawk’s shoulder made a lovely pillow, and Margaret was so tired, she would have used the spare tire for a pillow.

Margaret was blown out of a sweet dream that involved her and the luscious Nurse Maggie Cutler (but that’s another story) by a large explosion that nearly knocked their jeep off the road. They tried to press on and made it about another mile before the relentless shelling by the Chinese forced Radar to leave the road and to look for a safe place to park the jeep, and to hopefully wait out the shelling before getting back on the road. That decision was made for him, however, when after leaving the main road, a shell landed a few feet from the jeep, causing them to roll over. Amazingly, none of the three was badly h alt although Radar was in some serious pain. “ I think I broke my shoulder, Hawk!” After a brief examination amid the constant boom of artillery exploding all around them, Hawkeye determined that Radar’s shoulder was in fact dislocated, and not broken. He quickly popped it (much to Radar’s chagrin) back into place, helped O’Reilly and Houlihan to their feet, and dragged them (and his trusty duffel bag) off the road and into a ditch. While they lay in the ditch waiting for the shelling to slow down, an enemy shell scored a direct hit on their already disabled jeep, extinguishing any hopes of getting back to the 4077th in it.

So our three battered and weary heroes set off walking in the general direction of their unit, while still having to duck into the bushes occasionally to dodge enemy artillery attacks and patrols. They came upon a deserted South Korean village, and decided to try to get some rest in one of the bombed out village homes. As soon as they picked out a hut and got somewhat settled in, Hawkeye got out his medical back and cleaned up all the cuts and other minor injuries that they had all received on their trip. He had no sooner finished putting the last bandage on a cut on his own forearm, than he reached into his duffel bag and fished out his bottle of two-day-old gin.
“Ah friend, I am soooo glad I brought you!” , Hawkeye said, addressing his bottle of gin.

“For a change, I’m going to agree with Cap Captain Pierce. Pass that thing over here,” a weary Major Houlihan said.

No sooner had Hawkeye passed the bottle over to Margaret, than the shelling began again. “Don’t you guys ever take a break?!” the peace loving Hawkeye screamed at his unseen enemy.

Margaret took a huge swig of the bottle of gin, and after gagging down a swallow, she passed the bottle to a surprised Radar. Radar, not normally a drinker, didn’t hesitate to take the bottle from her, and took a pretty good sized drink. It was actually a very big drink for a little non-drinker like Radar.

Before the three of them realized it, the bottle was almost empty, and they were all thouroughly snockered. With it being a very cold day in Korea, the three of them snuggled up under the one army blanket that they had, and promptly passed out.

Margaret was having a very hot dream about better times with the recently departed Frank “Ferret Face” Burns. In her dream, she had reached down between Frank’s legs and was stroking a penis that was much bigger than the one she remembered Burns sinking into her night after night. As Margaret began to wake up, she realized that she wasn’t dreaming after all. She WAS actually stroking a hard penis, and it WAS actually much bigger than Frank’s (it was much bigger than any penis that Margaret had ever touched in her life!), but it belonged to the diminutive Corporal Radar O’Reilly.

“Coporal, what are you doing? I’ll have you court marshalled!” Margaret screamed at the still sleeping Radar. Her screech woke both Radar and Hawkeye, who looked wide eyed at Radar’s huge erect penis.

“Radar, what are you doing owning a piece of meat like that. I thought you were a virgin?”

“Thanks for broadcasting my virginity Captain Pierce”, said a confused Radar, and turning to Major Houlihan, who was still staring at Radar’s penis, he sa“and“and why am I getting court marshaled? I was just laying here sleeping and dreaming about being home in Ottumwa. Next thing I know, you’re screaming and holding my, my, well you know…………”

Hawkeye repeated his question to Radar. “Where do you get off being hung like King Kong?”

Margaret, meanwhile, had calmed down, but still hadn’t taken her eyes off Radar’s slowly softening shaft. It was probably half hard, and was STILL huge!

An embarrased and quickly reddening Radar said, “Aw come on, it’s not really that big…”

“Yes, Radar, IT IS HUGE”. Hawkeye screamed at him. “That thing is fucking huge. Margaret, tell him…”

Margaret was still staring, and just babbled something incoherent to the two men. Radar started to put his penis back in his pants, when Margaret grabbed him by the wrist.

“Wait, Corporal. Seeing as how we may not get out of this alive, and seeing as how no person should die a virgin “ (at this point Radar threw a mean stare in the direction of Captain Pierce) “why don’t you leave that thing out for a while….”

“Oh come on Margaret, I have been trying to get into your pants for years, and all of a sudden you see 10 inches on this farm boy, and your ready to go. How do you know I don’t have 10 inches?”

“Do you?” a breathy Margaret asked Hawkeye.

“Well, no, but at least I know how to use what I’ve got!” he shouted at her.

“When I’m done with Corporal O’Reilly here, he is going to know how to use all 10 lovely hard inches that he has. And besides, I want you to lose your uniform too…..” Margaret purred.

“Hey, doesn’t anybody want to know what I think about this?” said a beleaguered Radar.

“No!” snapped Pierce and Houlihan in unison.

“Now get out of that uniform Corporal, and that’s a direct order. And that goes for you to Capta……..”, Margaret started to say as she turned back to Captain Pierce, only to find him shirtless, and reaching for his belt. “I guess I should have know you wouldn’t need any coaxing”

A reluctant Radar started to slowly disrobe. He was actually excited about finally getting laid, he just thought that it would eventually happen (if it ever DID happen) with someone other than Major Margaret Houlihan, who had never before said a kind word to him. No sooner had Radar pulled his pants down, than Margaret had his schlong in her hands, and was lovingly caressing it. “If I had only known Corporal, you and I would have become friends much sooner” Radar snickered, and as Margaret was asking what he thought was so funny, she saw that he was looking over her shoulder at Hawkeye who was standing there stroking his hard, but substantially smaller penis. “Yes, I had heard through the nurses grapevine, that it was just an average sized, but somewhat talented tool that the esteemed Captain Pierce possesses. Keep playing with yourself while I show you how big a real piece of meat can get,” Margaret said smiling, turning her attention back to Radar.

Somehow, Hawkeye ignored Radar and Margaret’s insults, and walked over to get a better view of the action. Margaret resumed stroking Radar’s rapidly hardening cock. She was staring at it lovingly, and wast blt blown away by the sheer size and hardness of Radar’s unit. “Come on Margaret, lets see why they call you Hot Lips” an excited Hawkeye said. Margaret obliged by leaning forward and taking the head of Radar’s cock into her mouth. Radar jumped at the first time ever feel of another humans tongue running over his penis. Margaret proceeded to run her tongue up and down the length of his shaft, She loved Radar’s cock like it was the last cock she would ever suck! Maybe it would be.. It didn’t take long before Radar was moaning and acting like he was going to spurt. Seeing this, Margaret squeezed the base of his shaft, cutting of any torrents of sperm that may have been headed towards the surface. Radar looked at her questioningly, and Margaret said, “For your next lesson Corporal, Captain Pierce is going to show you how an expert eats pussy.” Margaret and Pierce’s eyes met, and Hot Lips said to him reluctantly, “yese nue nurses did say you were an expert….”

A gleeful Hawkeye ran over with his hard cock bobbing in front of him and said, “Watch closely Radar, while the master shows you how its done” When he looked over at Margaret, he was pleased to seet sht she had disrobed, and her hard body, with her luscious boobs included, was out for both men to enjoy. “Lie down Margaret, I want to eat you…. I’ve always wanted to eat you……..”

Margaret laid back and Radar got down on his knees so that he could get a closer look. Hawkeye started by pulling Margaret’s pussy lips aside and giving Radar a great view of her twat and clit. “Radar my dear fellow, this is a clit, sometimes know as a love button. Do a good job on that, and you can pretty much do what ever else you want to your woman…..”

“Quit talking and start licking,” Hot Lips said. Pierce immediately went to work on Margaret’s twat. He licked her clit like it was a lollipop, and would occasionally drive his nose and tongue up Margaret’s sopping cunt. After he had licked her for a while, Pierce reached down to Margaret’s butt, and started running his middle finger over her asshole. Margaret’s rear came up off the grounds, startling Hawk who nonetheless continues licking her twat while playing with her bunghole. “Oh, Hawkeye……” moaned Hot Lips.

“Lemme try, Hawk” a flustered Radar cried. Hawkeye pulled away from Hot Lip’s hot cunt lips, and reluctantly let Radar join him.

“You are about to eat a delicious snatch, Radar. Do a good job.”

Hawkeye turned around so that he could spread Margaret’s pussy lips for Radar, and when he did, the Major took his still hard cock into her mouth. Hawk moaned in pleasure. Before he knew it, he was in a sixty nine position with Margaret underneath him. He and Radar were both licking her pussy, and occasionally their tongues collided with each other, while giving Margaret the tongue thrashing of her life. After about five minutes of the double tonguing, Margaret came, bucking and thrashing wildly on the coarse army blanket. As Margaret came, Hawk rammed a couple fingers up her pussy, fucking in and out of her while she came with reckless abandon.

“Okay, O’Reilly, time to put that sausage in my cunt. Hawkeye, you lay down, so I can suck your dick while the Corporal here fucks me from behind.” Margaret was barking out orders like they were all in basic training, and for Radar, it kind of was like basic training. He had never done more than dream about doing any of this, and any thoughts of them dying at the hands of the Chinese couldn’t have been further from his mind. So Hawkeye laid down, and Margaret planted her sopping wet pussy smack down on his face. She ground around on his tongue and nose for a few moments before noticing his hands feverishly stroking himself. “Get your hands off your cock, Hawk. That’s all mine”, and with that she lay forward, putting them into a classic sixty-nine position. A moment before she wrapped her lips around Hawkey’s throbbing pecker, Margaret looked over her shoulder, and said to Radar, “Corporal, I thought I told you to get over here and start losing your virginity.”

“Yes, maam” Radar stammered, as he moved around to admire Margaret’s lovely ass. Meanwhile, Hawkeye was busy licking Hot Lip’s delicious cunnd hnd had both hands on her tits. He had just begun pinching her nipples, when Radar’s giant phallus came into view, and slowly started to slip into Margaret’s cunt.

Hawkeye stopped licking Margaret long enough to think to himself, “My god that thing is fucking huge” before Radar, for the first time in his life, slid his giant tool all the way into something other than his hand. Margaret let out a gasp, and told Radar to go slow for a while, while her twat got used to the girth of Radar’s schlong. However, after a couple minutes, Hot Lips told Radar, “Okay, corporal. Fuck me hard with that piece of meat. Fucking give it to me now.”

“Yes ma’am” Radar murmured as he gladly picked up the pace. He rammed his cock in and out of Margaret at a relentless pace, grabbing hold of her hips, and fucking her like an old pro. However, he wasn’t an old pro, and while trying to give it to her good, his cock slipped out of her twat, and hit Hawkeye, who was still slurping away hungrily at Margaret’s snatch, directly on the chin.

“Hey, watch what your doing with that thing,’ Hawkeye said as he pushed Radar’s cock back up towards Margaret’s hot twat. Hawkeye couldn’t believe how heavy the little bumpkin’s pecker was, and was strangely intrigued by the sheer size of Radar’s weapon. Radar resumed bopping away happily at Margaret’s pussy. A minute later, Radar’s dick again slipped out of Margaret, and this time it hit Hawkeye in the lips. As Hawk went to put the schlong back in Margaret’s twat, without even thinking about it, he slipped Radar’s wet cock into his own mouth. Although he had never done iforefore, Pierce began expertly sucking Radar’s dick. Radar just looked on, stunned.

Margaret, while growing impatient at the vacancy in her pussy, asked Radar, “Corporal, why isn’t that lovely cock of yours in me?”

Radar answered, “Because it’s in Captain Pierce’s mouth.”

“What?!?” Margaret screamed, as she scrambled out from underneath Hawkeye.

“Sorrrgarrgaret, I’ve always been a little curious, and what better time to try something new than now. Radar is hung, and we’re all going to die soon, so…….”

“Don’t be sorry. I just want to watch you give him head. Being with bisexual men has always been a fantasy of mine.” And with that, Margaret started sucking on Pierce’s still hard schlong, while she watched him work on Radar. Pierce made Radar stand up, and got in front of him on his knees, and really started to go to town on him. Margaret came up to where Hawk was, and told Pierce, “my turn.” She took his cock in hand, and started licking and sucking his shaft. She looked at Hawkeye and said, “C’mon, this farm boy has enough cock for both of us.”

Hawkeye and Margaret then shared Radar’s prick for a while, bringing him closer and closer to the first orgasm of his life, or rather, the first orgasm brought on by someone other than himself. After a few minutes of dual cock sucking, Margaret lay back, and while watching the Captain sucking the Corporal, she happily fingered her pussy. This was more than Radar could take, and with a grunt and a thrust, he came right in the back of Hawkeye’s throat.

Hawkeye, now gagging, spit out the cum that hadn’t gone directly down his throat, and after catching his breath said to Radar, “In the future, don’t cum in my mouth. You could have drown me you idiot!”

“Sorry sir” Radar said with an exhausted look of euphoria still apparent on his face.

“Captain, quit your whining and get over her and fuck me.”

Hawkeye didn’t have to be told twice. He rolled over to Margaret and slipped himself into her pussy. Not bothering to be polite, he drove himself in, to the hilt, and began fucking her relentlessly. Margaret came again, almost instantly. “I got your whining right here, Margaret!” Hawkeye said as he continued to fuck her furiously. About a minute later, after a few guttural, animalistic grunts, Hawkeye pulled out of Margaret’s twat with a pop, moved up the length of her body, and came allr her her tits and face. Little did he know that Margaret loved cum in her mouth, and she opened wide to catch the last few spurts. As the last drop of Hawk’s jizz hit Margaret’s tongue, the exhausted trio collapsed on the blanket together, and were all soon fast asleep.

The next morning, as the sun began to rise, Radar was woken by the sound of helicopter blades. Scrambling to a window he was delighted to see that it was an American copter. “It’s one of ours!” Radar shouted, waking Hawkeye and Hot Lips. As the three groggy soldiers looked at each other, the realized they were about to be rescued while none of them were in uniform, or in any clothes for that matter! Laughing out loud, the three of them scrambled to get dressed, and were all slipping into their boots just in time to hear an American patrol coming into the village. Our heroes were rescued!

During the chopper flight back to the 4077th, Hawkeye, Hot Lips, and the recently deflowered Radar O’Reilly agreed to keep all that had happened between the three of them between themselves. Radar would continue to play the shy virgin, and Margaret would continue to act like she hated Hawkeye. But Margaret said to the two of them as they landed back at their home away from home in Korea, “Hey, you never know when we’ll be stranded again… Hopefully it will be soon.” And from that day on, the three of them were always very quick to volunteer to go on ANY trips together, no matter how much or how little danger was involved.