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June 22, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Aside from many punctuation, spelling, and grammar problems... Hawkeye/Margaret/Radar?!
It's pretty much OOC and wow. I just never knew someone would ever write that.
Damn.
It's pretty much OOC and wow. I just never knew someone would ever write that.
Damn.
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June 21, 2005 at 12:00 AM
The grouping alone is incredibly wrong. That said, how on Earth did you learn to be so very OOC?
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June 21, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Feel free to disregard this as a MASH fan being anal or whatever but I just have to comment. Hopefully constructively and hopefully its not too sarcy.
First off all this was pretty out of character. There is no way Hotlips would ever screw Radar. And although Hawkeye kisses him in the show Radar would probably never seriously consider kissing either of them. And Its the 8063rd. Oh and on a character dialogue point of view its off.
Another point, it is very rare a guy will have a 10 inch penis, when flacid they are only usually on average 3/4 inches. However feel free to prove me wrong as I am no expert.
Besides that as a piece of smut it was actually fairly good. Some of the typos where a little distracting but a beta could help with that. As a piece of fanfiction especially with mash it just seemed out of place, however if it was origional fiction then it was an enjoyable story to read.
Just my oppinion, feel free to ignore.
First off all this was pretty out of character. There is no way Hotlips would ever screw Radar. And although Hawkeye kisses him in the show Radar would probably never seriously consider kissing either of them. And Its the 8063rd. Oh and on a character dialogue point of view its off.
Another point, it is very rare a guy will have a 10 inch penis, when flacid they are only usually on average 3/4 inches. However feel free to prove me wrong as I am no expert.
Besides that as a piece of smut it was actually fairly good. Some of the typos where a little distracting but a beta could help with that. As a piece of fanfiction especially with mash it just seemed out of place, however if it was origional fiction then it was an enjoyable story to read.
Just my oppinion, feel free to ignore.
schedule
August 24, 2004 at 12:00 AM
**Blink blink**
Ummm interesting trio... i liked Col. Benjamin Dover's name... Col. Bendover. cute.
Ummm interesting trio... i liked Col. Benjamin Dover's name... Col. Bendover. cute.
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July 20, 2004 at 12:00 AM
Honestyl? I'm not a smut reader, so I don't know how valid you are going to find this review.
I think your characterisation of Margaret was off. In the series, her 'sensual side' seems to play down her usual comanding nature. Often when people are dominant in their every day life, they are submissive sexually. This is back up in the series when Frank call her "naughty girl" in private. My guess ist tht the two of them would have a little BDSM kink, but that's just my thoery.
Your logistics are also a little off, just reviwe the positioning and you'll see what I mean. If it helps, get a pen and paper and draw the positions.
There isn't enough smut in this fandom, so your story is a welcome addition. I also like how you handled Hawkeye's bisexuality. On a side not I could see this, with some additions/changes, becoming a serious fic. Consider how Trappouldould react if he found out? Would he think Hawk and Margaret "corrupted" Radar?
Keep away from cliche's (dripping 10 inch dick - made me laugh my ass off) but keep up with the writing. I'd like to see you do more work in this fandom.
I think your characterisation of Margaret was off. In the series, her 'sensual side' seems to play down her usual comanding nature. Often when people are dominant in their every day life, they are submissive sexually. This is back up in the series when Frank call her "naughty girl" in private. My guess ist tht the two of them would have a little BDSM kink, but that's just my thoery.
Your logistics are also a little off, just reviwe the positioning and you'll see what I mean. If it helps, get a pen and paper and draw the positions.
There isn't enough smut in this fandom, so your story is a welcome addition. I also like how you handled Hawkeye's bisexuality. On a side not I could see this, with some additions/changes, becoming a serious fic. Consider how Trappouldould react if he found out? Would he think Hawk and Margaret "corrupted" Radar?
Keep away from cliche's (dripping 10 inch dick - made me laugh my ass off) but keep up with the writing. I'd like to see you do more work in this fandom.
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March 19, 2004 at 12:00 AM
AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I LOVED THAT! IT WAS INCREDIBLE! i love it when it's two guys and a girl. don't much like two girls together, but one girl and a bunch of guys, i love it! CAN'T WAIT FOR MORE FROM YOU!
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March 13, 2004 at 12:00 AM
Hey! We want another!
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December 16, 2003 at 12:00 AM
That's it!! I can't read any more of your stories! (throws another pair of panties in the hamper) Some people are just too good at writing threesomes for their own good!
LOL Just Kidding! I Love Your Work!
Hugs
HJ
LOL Just Kidding! I Love Your Work!
Hugs
HJ
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November 25, 2003 at 12:00 AM
LOL That was great! I never thought of a threesome of this nature before. Enjoyed it alot.