A Prank Too Far

Weeee!!! Update!

Though not a long one I’m afraid. Je suis still knackered.

Uuumm…nothing more to report…except I’m going to an S&M party…at least I think that’s what she said on the phone. I’ll need to dig out that leash from somewhere.

Ah well, it’ll give me something to do.

Read and review!!!


Chapter 9: Rude Wake Up Call


House woke up alone.

This was not something he appreciated, nor was it something he liked. He woke up alone every other day of the week and it rarely bothered him but today it did.

Because he had been decidedly not alone last night.

He scowled at the empty side of the bed accusingly. She had left some time after four, possibly closer to five. He couldn’t have been sure as he was fairly confidant that multiple hard core screwing sessions had done a rather impressive job of liquefying his cognitive abilities. She had slept fitfully at his side, when she had managed to sleep. Even in her dreams she had been determined that she would not be a slave to the drug in her system…but then she woke up and saw him right there beside her and all her good intentions had gone the way of the dodo.

Not that he was complaining. He thought it was a good thing that she was learning to relax a little and she had definitely been relaxed…five or six times over. He grinned at that. He still had it. He chose to ignore the fact that he was on the same thing that she was, he was on a much lower dose after all.

He was still a fox.

He grimaced when he rolled to the side of the bed. His hand found his leg as a matter of habit. He was a fox alright, but a lame one. Not that dearest Cuddles had minded on bit as she had let her own hands travel exactly the same path that House’s own hands were moving now. She had been en route to more interesting destinations though. Destinations that House had no intention of revisiting himself when there was a perfectly good drug addled nymphomaniac at work.

Speaking of work and certain delectable administrators that were ripe for blackmailing at this particular moment in time…he had better get ready if he was going to be in on time.

Well, time according to the Greg House book of medicine.

House limped from his bed and hobbled to the shower. He catalogued every scrape of her teeth and scratch from her nails that she had inflicted on him last night as the hot water from the shower splattered down over them. He grimaced as stretching for the shower gel pulled on one particularly deep set of scores. Jeez, had she been keeping tally of orgasms back there? House stepped from his shower and twisted a little awkwardly to look in the mirror at his flayed back.

Actually, it looked worse than it felt. Because it looked like hell.

House raised one eyebrow. Ah well, no pain no gain and he put last night fully into the gain category. He limped from the bathroom and used the hallway wall as support as he still couldn’t remember where his cane had gotten to. He was pretty sure he had seen it peeking over the top of the bookcase. He got the living room and nearly leaped out of his skin.

“Jesus!” He staggered back against the wall as Tawny turned to look at him…and look she did. “What the hell are you doing here?!” He demanded as he snagged a nearby Swedish medical journal about revolutionary spinal surgeries and covered himself with it. He had forgone the towel as he had been under the optimistic impression that he might be left alone in his own apartment.

“Well, House, I would never have guessed that you were as…long as you are tall.” Tawny finished as politely as she could and dragged her gaze North of the equator. The man was her boss after all. “And as for what I’m doing here, I found something interesting about the whisky that I thought you should know as soon as possible.” Her red lens covered eyes met his from behind the gold and ruby sunglasses she wore today. “I did knock.” She defended herself as she strode to the couch, picked up his discarded jeans from last night between thumb and forefinger and then tossed them to him. “I made coffee.” She supplied cheerfully and then clicked to the kitchen on the metal heels of her knee high pointed boots.

House wriggled into his jeans and kept scowling in her direction until he had to drag his attention away to find his cane. “The door was locked.” He pointed out as he rummaged under the couch, nope, not there.

“Not in any serious way.” Tawny called back from the kitchen. “And your cane is hooked over the coat rack by the door.”

House scowled in the general direction of the kitchen and then limped to retrieve the cane that was indeed in the coat rack. He turned around and nearly scalded himself on the coffee that Tawny was holding out to him. He took it with muttered thanks and then drank half of it down in one tongue roasting gulp. She was dressed rather effeminately today, he noted. A red corset under a see through wrap around high collared shirt of a glittering gold material, over a blood red swishing skirt that reached her knees. Mesh fine fishnets were visible in teasing flashes whenever she chose to walk around on the towering height of those red suede and gold laced boots.

“Dressed to impress.” He noted with a mockingly raised brow.

“Judging by the state of your wardrobe, I thought that one of us should at least look presentable.” She shrugged it off and returned to the kitchen for her own cup of coffee.

“But this is the first time you’ve worn a skirt in my presence. You never wear a skirt because you’re a practical woman and skirts aren’t very practical.” He tilted his head to one side and sipped from his coffee again as he continued to think aloud. Tawny stalked to the doorway of the kitchen and hitched her hip against the frame to lean casually there as he continued to reason out her mode of dress today. “Change of dress, means a change of mood…what’s bugging you?”

Tawny shrugged with a small smile. “Absolutely nothing.”

“Liar.” He accused her.

She nodded. “Everybody lies. That’s what you say. Could it be something as simple as the fact that I feel like a woman this morning to is decided to dress like one?”

House shrugged and pushed past her into the kitchen to find something to eat. He didn’t hold out much hope, but there it was, he was an optimist. “It could be, but that’s not it.”

Tawny smirked. “How right you are, Dr House. I’ve got a meeting with Lorcain’s principal this morning. He’s done something embarrassing apparently.”

House was momentarily stumped. “You’re wearing a skirt for your son’s principal’s sake?”

“Lorcain’s been through three schools in the past three months, his principal is a man. I’m determined to keep him in this school, even if it means flashing a little leg and cleavage.”

House’s eyes dropped rather predictably at what he took to be an invitation to look and he sighed. “Tawny, I think your definition of ‘a little’, needs tweaking.”

Tawny smirked.

“Well, I’d better get dressed.” House said brightly and plonked his now empty cup into the sideboard by the sink. He strode past Tawny and headed for his bedroom.

“Why? You’re not due into work for another hour at least.” Tawny called to his back and raised an eyebrow only slightly at the deep scratches running the length of her boss’s spine. It looked like she was a little late with her important information.

“Three schools in three months. Your kid sounds interesting.” House’s voice was muffled a little from the distance between them and the fact that he was yanking a tee shirt over his head at the time.

“He’s a European kid in an American world.” Tawny quoted Lorcain dryly and scuffed her shoe against the hardwood floors idly as she waited for House to hurry up and get dressed. She jingled her car keys over her knuckles and began to toy with them as she waited.

“So, what was so important that you had to break into my apartment to tell me?” House demanded as he limped along the corridor, fully dressed and ready for another day of convincing Cuddy into his bed.

“Oh, when you do sleep with Cuddy, you’ll have to use contraception of some kind. The whisky negates the Pill.” Tawny told him casually and then headed for the door, throwing it open and spilling golden morning sunshine over House’s gaping mouth. She smirked to herself and pipped the alarm on her Jaguar off with her keys. She strode towards the car and wondered if he’d snap out of his stupor soon enough to actually get into the vehicle with her. The engine roared as she twisted her keys in the ignition. She shifted into gear and her smirk broadened to a feline grin as the door was yanked open on the passenger side and house flopped into the cream leather seat beside her.

“You are a cruel, cruel woman, you know that?” He jabbed at her and rearranged himself so that he wouldn’t do himself any damage with his cane if she decided to stop quickly. “You knew she was here last night, didn’t you?”

“Men don’t wash coffee cups unless they have to and the scratches down your back, plus the bite on your shoulder were rather indicative of a night of passion.” She told him rather patronisingly and nosed the car out into the early morning traffic.

“What would you know about night’s of passion?” He grumped to her and Tawny chuckled wryly. She reached up and pulled aside the collar of her shirt to reveal the purpling bruise of a bite on the swell of her cleavage.

“Plenty.” She told him succinctly and accelerated with a roar from the engine before house could even formulate a response.


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Tawny’s heels clicked with an echoing staccato beat along the linoleum floor of West Princeton High. One of the more prestigious high schools in the New Jersey. The walls were painted a charming, if offensive, shade of butter yellow and covered with posters of the championship football team in action. House was abruptly transported back to his own high school days and grinned at the memory. The classes sure had been boring but he had found other ways to make up for it.

Judging by the state of a certain McQueen, Lorcain had done exactly the same thing.

Tawny could only stare at her son as she stalked over to him and stared down at the faux feathered stuffed monstrosity that was currently the only thing covering his lithe sixteen year old body. He was completely naked with only the stuffed cartoonish head of some kind of bird affording him any modesty.

“What,” Tawny gritted from between clenched teeth and pointing an imperial finger at the bird head, “is that?”

“It’s a cock.” Lorcain supplied on a grin looked down at the head and snatched it as if to lift it.

“Don’t move it! It’s probably the only thing keeping you from being arrested.” Tawny snapped and crossed her arms over her chest and glaring down at her son. “Start explaining.”

“A practical joke that went…awry.” Lorcain said in a measured tones and then waved to House over his mother’s shoulder. “Hi, Dr House. No Cameron today?”

A low growl emanated from Tawny and Lorcain flinched before hurriedly going on to explain. “Mum, seriously, it wasn’t my fault. I was serving detention, like the good boy you told me to be, and somebody stole my clothes. I had no choice but to cover my, ahem, modesty the only way I knew how while searching for said garments and then the principal saw me and got the wrong end of the stick.”

Tawny blinked rapidly behind the ruby lenses of her glasses and reached up to grip the bridge of her nose from under the golden frames. “The wrong end of the stick…” She muttered and Lorcain arched a brow.

“Okay, so that was a bad choice of words, but I’m telling you the truth.” Lorcain said calmly.

“Like the time the aliens ate all the madelines that I made for breakfast and covered you in crumbs to frame you for it?” Tawny asked dryly.

“I was seven, get over it.” Lorcain mimicked his mother’s pose of folding her arms over his chest and glaring up at her.

The principal chose that moment to open the door and shuffle out into the hallway. He blinked rapidly up at Tawny as she towered over him.

“Miss McQueen?”

“Mrs and yes.” Tawny sighed and took the principal’s hand in her own.

“Are you the boy’s father?” The principal, a man by the name of Munn looked over House assumingly. Tawny glared at him.

“Do I look like a fool to you? This man is my employer, I’m giving him a lift to work. What exactly are you accusing my son of doing?”

House’s brows rose, impressed despite himself. She had put the man on the defensive in just about every way someone can be in three sentences. He smirked and removed his jacket handing it to Lorcain. The boy looked down at it with an arched brow.

“Dude, what am I supposed to do with this?”

“You’re part Scottish, make like a kilt.” House instructed him coolly and took the seat beside him.

“Perhaps we should move into my office, Mrs McQueen. I do not think this is a suitable arena for this discussion.” Munn tried to usher a woman that outstripped him by nearly a foot of statuesque height, into his office with one small hovering hand behind her back.

“But it is suitable to leave my son out in the hallway with nothing but a stuffed animal head to wear?” Tawny reached up and tilted her glasses down her nose a fraction to glare at the man with flashing emerald eyes. “Oh yes, Mr Munn, we will be discussing this out with the earshot of my son, since I don’t believe in expanding his vocabulary of curse words as it is quite extensive already.” Her voice was low and dangerous and she stalked into the office with a swish of her skirt. Munn steeled himself a little and then followed her in, shutting the door behind them both.

House looked down at Lorcain, who had tied House’s jacket around his skinny waist and was fussing with his hair.

“So…” House toyed with his cane a little and looked down at Lorcain. A little more comfortable now that the boy wasn’t entirely naked.

“So.” Lorcain said back, turning to peer up at House.

“Your mom’s a little scary.”

Lorcain shrugged. “Never noticed.”

House arched a brow at him. “She’s a tiger with everyone else but she can’t stay mad at me.”

“You’re her baby.” House said almost to himself.

“And you’re her boss…you met my dad?”

House shook his head. “Heard a many great things about him, though. All of them vaguely life threatening.” He was silent a moment as Lorcain grinned at that. “So, why were you really stripped of your clothes?” Lorcain stared at him a moment. “Your friends would have given them back when you got in trouble. Which means it wasn’t your friends that took them, it was someone who wanted you to be in trouble.” House thumped his cane against the floor as he thought out his reasoning. “I’m guessing…a girl.”

Lorcain looked away for a moment and scrubbed at his arm. “Venus Lawmen.”

“Pretty?”

“Beautiful. Tall, about an inch shorter than me, big, huge silver eyes and caramel coloured hair, not skinny though. The woman’s got curves.” Lorcain had leant his head back and was staring at the ceiling as he extolled the virtues of the goddess-like girl.

“Let me guess, she’s got a boyfriend.”

“School football team’s quarterback. Apparently, he’s an important guy.” Lorcain shrugged. “Guy’s a grade one bastard. Venus is deaf, can’t hear a thing so he stands there, right next to her, I mean, and like slags her off to all his cronies. It’s fucking disgusting.” Lorcain fidgeted with the chicken head on his lap.

“What did you do to him?” House had a feeling he knew where this was going.

“Punched him in the face.”

“Ah.”

“Guy’s vain. I mean, he checks his reflection in anything remotely shiny. I could have hit him in the balls, but I figured if I was going to hurt him then I should really hurt him, you know.”

House smirked. “Break his nose?”

“Crushed it. Knocked him right out too.”

House frowned as something occurred to him. “How did you get away with this?”

“We happened to be on the football field at the time. I convinced the coach that I just didn’t know my own strength.” Lorcain shrugged. “Wasn’t hard. I’m good at football. Back in Scotland or France I’d have been arrested on the spot for assault. Over here, if you can throw a ball or you come from money…you’re untouchable.”

“Exploiting the system…clever.”

“Mum doesn’t really agree.”

“I’m not your mother.”

“Duh, she’s prettier than you.”

House smirked. “So, you get the girl?”

Lorcain grinned. “I’m working on it.”

“Dissappointing, Cain, I’d have expected something a little better from your mother’s son.”

“So, how’s Dr Cuddy?” Lorcain folded his arms over his chest and arched a brow at the older man.

House glowered. “Your mom’s not nearly as funny as she thinks she is.”

“Of course she is.” Tawny answered as she swept out of the office with a rather stunned looking Principal Munn trailing in her wake. “On your feet, we’re leaving.”

“We are?” Both House and Lorcain chimed in unison.

“Yes. As of immediately, Lorcain will be serving out his punishment with me.”

“I will?” Lorcain looked only slightly less than horrified.

“He will?” House frowned at Munn.

“Yes, it’s the only way he can stay at West P. High.” Tawny gritted out the information in a way that suggested she wasn’t any more pleased about this than her boss or her son. “Come along, boys. I’ll be seeing you Mr Munn.” Tawny shot over her shoulder as she took hold of Lorcain by one ear and pulled him a long behind her with barely a wince from the boy. They obviously both had a lot of practice at walking around this way.

“Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow and ow.” Lorcain kept up his litany all the way along the corridor right until the rounded the corner out of sight of Munn’s office. Tawny released him immediately. She snatched the feathered head from Lorcain’s hand, leaving him more able to hitch his shirt/kilt a little higher. She waved it threateningly at Lorcain.

“This is your last chance. You fuck this up and I will personally drive you to the nearest military installation and throw you on the boat myself.” She warned him.

Lorcain ducked his head slightly. “Yes, mum.”

Tawny straightened and the anger cleared from her features as quickly as it had come. “And, for future reference, tell me if your principal’s gay. I could have sent your father.” Tawny rested her hand on Lorcain’s shoulder and steered him out towards the car.

Lorcain and House grinned at each other. “Yes, mum.” He said.


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“Good morning, Dr Cuddy! You’re latest assistant has arrived!” House entered her office with a flourish. Trailing Lorcain (who had been dressed in a rather cute set of paediatrics scrubs, complete with cavorting teddy bears, a gift from Tawny) behind him with as much enthusiasm as the boy could muster. Which increased considerably when he saw exactly what Dr Cuddy looked like.

“Dude, you told me she was an administrator-type.” He slapped House’s arm and then grinned with all the McQueen charm at the frowning Cuddy.

“Is he even out of school?” Cuddy asked as she rounded the desk. Faltering slightly when both House and Lorcain looked her up and down with male appreciation.

“He is for this week. And she is.” House said, aiming the last part at Lorcain.

Lorcain extended his hand and Cuddy took it, still not entirely sure as to what was going on. She had sort of hoped that House might have hit his head and not remembered last night at all, or, alternatively, that he might just avoid her for the rest of his career. It looked like neither wish was going to come true any time soon.

“I’m Lorcain McQueen, my mum works for Dr House. All the ladies call me Cain.” He smiled at her in what could only be described as a flirtatious manner.

“As in ‘Cain and Abel’?” Cuddy asked, removing her hand rather quickly from the teenager’s grasp. She was in no condition to be fighting off any advances from the male of the species, never mind illegal ones.

“I assure you, Dr Cuddy, I am very ‘able’.” Lorcain folded his hands behind his back and grinned down at the smaller woman.

House growled. “Venus.”

Lorcain straightened immediately. “Dirty fighter.”

“Of course, now go and do office-type things. That’s what you’re here for.” House ushered the boy out of Cuddy’s office and then locked the door behind him. Lorcain stuck his tongue out at House through the glass doors until House snapped the blinds shut.

Cuddy took in the action with a nervous trace of her tongue over her lips. “What are you doing?”

“Shutting the blinds. I want to talk to you.” House told her and turned around to see her backing away from him like a frightened rabbit. “Now, you want space between us?”

She glared at him. “If this is about last night then, I want you to know that, it won’t…”

House was suddenly in front of her and her words died in her throat. “Won’t be the last night between us.” He told her as he backed her right up against the desk and rested both palms on the smooth wood on either side of her hips. Their faces were barely an inch apart and Cuddy swallowed hard as the scent of him wrapped around her senses. He shut his eyes briefly as he inhaled deeply, his head dipped to her throat and his lips whispered over her skin in a barely there caress. Cuddy did her best to stifle her moan but she couldn’t stop the way she arched unconsciously towards him. Her chest brushed his through the various layers of their clothing but the contact still felt red hot.

House cleared his throat and pulled away slightly. Leaning heavily on his cane once more. He stared down at her as her eyes fluttered open once more, dazed and glassy, she cleared her throat and blushed a fiery hue over her cheeks as she straightened and tried to put a professional distance between them once more. Mentally, at least, if not physically.

“What did you want to talk about?” She stammered, her voice husky despite herself. She cleared her throat again.

“You need to buy condoms.” His gaze raked over her in a blazing force of possession that had her shivering as her body heated under his eyes.

“What?”

He stepped closer again and touched her hip lightly with his fingers as if he were compelled to do so. As if he couldn’t help but touch her. His fingers slid under the hem of her jacket and over her skin. It was feverishly hot to his touch and the muscles over her back tightened as he splayed his palm over them. He nudged her closer, one arm wrapped around her. Her chest heaved against his as she stumbled against him. Not wanting to be this close but doing nothing to move away from him. She couldn’t. Her eyes were still dazed, her glossy lips parted as if ready for a kiss that he burned to press to her and her eyes focused on his mouth instead of meeting his own look to her.

“Lots of them.” He growled almost against her lips.

“Why?”

“Because I want you as badly as you want me and we’ve got a lot of time to make up for.” He explained to her, his mouth lowering against the hammering pulse in the hollow of her throat. Her breath caught at the contact and her head fell back as her hands rose and gripped his shoulders. The fabric of his jacket scraped against her manicured nails punctuated by her gasp when his rough jaw rasped over her sensitive skin.

Heat cocooned them in a thick lust filled cloud. They were blinded by it even as they breathed it in. It filled their heads and their blood. Making them feel heavy and languid. Boneless and in need of just sinking down onto the carpet and into each other.

“I’m on the pill.” She told him on a moan, her brain several seconds behind the rest of the world. Her head dipped to his and their mouths met in steaming contact. She groaned as if she was starving and had finally been given food. Her arms wrapped up and around his neck, her fingers curled through his hair at the nape of his neck. He growled as his tongue boldly slid over hers. He took her mouth as if it was his to take and dropped his cane in favour of wrapping both arms around her body and hauling her as close as he could get her.

“Doesn’t matter.” He spoke between nipping kisses down her throat. Her jacket parted under his hands and he pushed it back to reveal the blood red bra that cupped her flesh in the way that he burned to. He stroked her with one hand and wrapped his tongue around a spiked nipple. She arched her back, groaning throatily as her leg slid up the outside of his. She leant back against her desk and a few stitches in her skirt buckled as he spread her legs and stepped between them.

She didn’t care.

What was she thinking? Of course she cared!

“Greg…we can’t.” She half heartedly tried to push him away. He took her hand in his and pressed a kiss to her palm before lacing his fingers through hers and sliding his other hand under the hem of her skirt, pushing it up ruthlessly, his palm velvet rough against the outside of her thigh.

“Sure we can, Lisa-love, the door’s locked.” He grinned and kissed her quickly once more. He looked at her again as she digested that last piece of information.

At that moment a loud and suddenly racking cough issued from the other side of the blinkered doors to her office.

“My, my, that’s quite a cough you have there, boy.” Burndyke’s loathingly pitched voice wheedled through the door. Cuddy froze, her hand tightening in Greg’s in sheer stupefaction. It wasn’t as if she had ever been in this situations before.

“Aye, it is.” Lorcain wheezed in an exaggerated manner. Something hit the doors with a rattling impact. “Gosh look at that, I dropped…the bin.”

“Is that glass cracked?” Burndyke asked.

By this point Greg had looked over his shoulder to glare at a man he couldn’t see, never mind dismember, not matter how much he might want to.

“It appears to be.” Lorcain agreed and there was a shuffling noise behind the door as somebody moved. “Listen, Mister, I dunno who you are by Dr Cuddy doesn’t want to be disturbed. Besides, the door’s locked.” Lorcain gave a verbal shrug and cuddy sighed in relief, her head dropping onto Greg’s shoulder in relief.

“That’s alright, boy, I have a key.”

Cuddy’s head snapped up again and she stifled a small scream in her throat before it could issue. She shoved Greg away and began to frantically refasten her jacket. He didn’t need to do much except for stoop and pick up his cane.

A key jangled in the lock.

God, why couldn’t she have worn the loose jacket today?

The fitted black jacket she had chosen to wear was only half buttoned up, her skirt was only a shade away from indecent and her hair looked like she’d had her morning coffee break in a wind tunnel.

All that, and over the protests of Lorcain, Burndyke was still opening the door. She fought the urge to swear long and fluently as the door swung inwards.

Today was going to be another bad day.

She could just tell.


TBC...