What You Don't Know...

Chapter Fifteen

Shrugging of his coat and handing it off to the ever efficient Haines, Lex wondered at the irony that he was finally home from the office and yet the day’s true work had only just begun.

It had been three days since he’d realized that he was going to have to tell Chloe some form of the truth while damage control was still a viable possibility. He would’ve liked to have been able to claim that he was waiting for the perfect time, the kindest moment to shatter her world; but he knew that wasn’t the case.

The truth was he simply wasn’t ready to let Chloe go.

This plan, his last ditch effort to salvage something of the amazing connection they had, was so fraught with disaster, so ripe with the possibility of failure, that he’d found himself wanting just a little more time to enjoy the wonder of having Chloe Sullivan as his wife.

But Lex knew even that, although accurate, was not the entire story. No, the truth was much darker. Although he’d known that it would be impossible for him to simply keep Chloe, regardless of his suggestion to Dr. Heideman, he had waited until he’d heard back from the man; until the eminent Dr. Karlsson had confirmed the futility of the idea before he’d faced, absolutely, that he would need to tell Chloe as soon as possible.

That phone call from Heideman had come the previous evening and Lex had lain awake, Chloe in his arms, the entire night crafting facts and fabrications into a construct of plausibility.

It had to be perfect. It had to be something that he might be unable to prove but neither would her true memory or those around her be able to definitively contradict. Most importantly, his story had to rouse enough sympathy in her to impel her to give him the time between then and the moment her memory returned to prove his love to her, to show her that her love for him was not some manipulation of her mind, but an inevitability inhibited only by the existence in their lives of Clark Kent.

He’d decided that the best course of action would be to use the one thing between them in which Clark was merely peripheral – their time fighting Lionel.

And even when Chloe regained her memories she would be unable to deny that that period in their lives, their struggles to right old wrongs, to survive a madman’s wrath, had created the kinship that had kept them in an unspoken state of détente even after all this time. It had engendered the kind of closeness that only life and death situations can, even for those who are subjected to them so frequently.

He planned to tell her that he had loved her then; that her bravery, her loyalty, her beauty of face and of spirit had set her so deep in his heart that he’d never been able to extract her. Oh, he was sure she’d have questions – demand to know why he’d never acted on those feelings – but he’d gone carefully over his options; choosing those that would both fit in with her memories as they reemerged and well suit those things she had learned about him over their weeks together.

He’d have to tell her why, if he’d honestly loved her, they had never been together. His answer would be simple and, had he genuinely developed feelings for her at the time, most likely true. Fear for her safety.

After explaining the things his father had done, the way he’d hurt and manipulated them, the attempts on their lives, he knew he’d be able to convince her that the risk of being with him was just too great. For both their sakes.

And her new insights into his character would only help to confirm his emotional reticence. Chloe was not only aware, but had completely accepted his vast limitations in matters of the heart. If anyone were willing to entertain the idea that he would love silently until, after years of suffering, fate gave him both the secure circumstances and the extraordinary chance to make right what he’d allowed to go wrong, it would be her.

Perhaps the hardest task, Lex acknowledged, would be her friendship with Clark. He knew that Chloe’s affection for his former friend was nearly indestructible; despite actions on both sides, including the odd revelations in Chloe’s dreams, that would have demolished a lesser bond. If he wanted to keep Chloe once her memories returned he would have to be honest about the matter now.

But, in his defense, he had fairly conclusive proof that his position was correct. Absent the overshadowing specter of his father in all his former glory, and without the cloying presence of her insanely over protective best friend, they had managed to find their way to each other, to fall in love. And Lex knew that that, their love, would be his strongest defense.

Even before he’d loved her, Lex had been more than aware of Chloe’s tireless propensity to love others. He’d watched over the years as that very fact brought her untold anguish, and he’d often wondered why she just didn’t give up on those so clearly undeserving of her endless emotional outpouring. But he’d finally come to realize, after he’d basked in that same love and concern, that it was simply who she was. It was intrinsic to her nature and she could no more shut off that part of herself than she could stop breathing.

And if it kept her with him, kept her in his life, he’d exploit that trait ruthlessly.

Steadying himself for what was, even if all went flawlessly, sure to be a draining ordeal, Lex entered his study where Chloe generally waited for him to arrive home.

Seeing her customary space in the corner of the large leather sofa on which she liked to read empty, his eyes searched the room for her. There, in front of one of the floor length panels of glass that overlooked the gardens, was her small figure, seeming lost in the view before her.

“Chloe?”

She turned slowly, the movements displaying a concentrated effort that caused Lex a brief flutter of anxiety. Anxiety, however, quickly transformed itself to full scale worry as her gaze finally met his own.

Tears spilled from wide, pain filled eyes following the path of what appeared to have been many predecessors. As if her stillness had been restraining her anguish, it was suddenly brought forth and her body trembled with its force.

“Chloe?”

The anxiety that had grown to worry was fast becoming overwhelming dread as he rushed towards her. And as she flinched at his nearness, the dread became a choking sense horror that settled over his heart.

He was so close to her now; close enough to see the strains of gold in her mossy eyes, close enough to see the truth seep through the cracks in the windows to her soul.

She knew.

“I just wanted some coffee,” her voice was as hollow, as broken as the rest of her. “It was so good, and I thought ‘Why couldn’t Lana ever make it like this?’. And then it was all there. All that nothing and suddenly – everything.”

Lex’s head was spinning and he couldn’t seem to pull enough air into his lungs. He hadn’t been ready for this; hadn’t prepared. He needed more time with her, to fix this, to make it right, to be with her. Lex Luthor wasn’t a man geared for desperation, but at that moment it was all he had; all he was.

“You have to believe me, Chloe,” he ignored the cringe as his hand reached out to her. “I was on my way home to tell you everything.”

His movements seemed to pull Chloe from her dazed state of shock.

“Believe you? Believe you?!” She could feel the hysteria bubbling up inside of her, but was helpless to contain it. “I wouldn’t believe you if you said the sky was blue, if you said water was wet, if you said never trust a Luthor – Oh, wait,” her voice was brimming with scorn, “I guess you’ve proven that last one fairly conclusively.”

Lex moved again but Chloe was ready and lurched unsteadily out of his reach. She couldn’t bear to have him touch her. If he did she knew that she’d crumble into a million tiny pieces and she couldn’t let that happen. She didn’t know how anything could ever be okay again, but she was certain that any chance there was involved getting out of there, getting back to–

“Oh my God.” The blood slowly drained from her face, leaving her a sickly pale. “Everybody must be frantic.”

Lex was worried about Chloe’s sudden pallor and the slight sway of her body but resisted reaching for her again. He needed to explain things to her, to make her understand. And that couldn’t happen if he was chasing her all over the room.

“No, they’re alright. Everyone’s okay. They’re under the impression that you’re investigating a story.”

The small amount of relief that his explanation brought her was drown in a wrenching sob as her mind played out the full ramifications of his words.

“A story?” Soft and shattered, the question was harder than she’d ever though possible, yet not as difficult as the next. “My internship?”

This time Lex didn’t even try to stop himself as he stepped forward and caught her arms.

“It’s waiting. Whenever you’re ready it’s there,” he assured her. “I’d never do that to you, Chloe. They’re holding it for you; don’t worry.”

The harsh sound of her incredulous laughter broke on a disconsolate cry.

“Don’t worry?” She couldn’t believe this was happening to her. Not again. Not when she’d worked so hard to earn everything this time around. “You’ve made sure that, once again, I have a job at the Daily Planet because someone pulled some strings.”

She couldn’t even find the strength to struggle against his hold. “You’ve ruined everything.”

His hands tightened convulsively and Lex swallowed hard at the thought that she might be right. The idea that the plans he’d made hadn’t been thorough enough, that he’d missed something because he hadn’t understood when this had started how much she deserved all of his focus, all of his care; the thought that she’d lose her dreams because of his miscalculation was unendurable.

Feeling Chloe tremble under his hands, Lex put an end to that line of thought. Things would be fine, and if they weren’t he’d make them. He had power and influence and more money than most of the world’s governments. Chloe would have her place at the Daily Planet if he had to buy the damn thing for her.

“Chloe, I never meant to–”

“Never meant to what, Lex?” Fire replaced the lethargy in her veins and she struck out blindly against him. “Never meant to hurt me? To lie to me? To ruin my life? What was it that you never meant to do?”

Seeing the streams of silver trailing down her pale cheeks as sobs wracked her small form leveled something inside Lex and, ignoring her ineffectual blows, he pulled her into his arms. He merely tightened his hold in response to her struggles and, finally, he felt her strength leave her in a rush.

Although she was silent and appeared calm in his arms, Lex still held her close against him. The notion that this might be the last chance he had to do so flashed through his mind but he pushed it out with all the other thought he couldn’t afford to entertain.

“Why?”

The question was muffled but to Lex it boomed in his ears with the echo of impending doom. He tried to focus, reminding himself that her memory return was always in his plans; that the half-truths he’d devised would still work. But as he was ready to give them voice her sad eyes, tired and reddened from so many tears, crept up to meet his gaze.

“Oh God,” Chloe shuddered and for one, terrible moment was afraid she might be ill. “It’s Clark.”

She watched as Lex tried to cover up his moment of shock – the fleeting widening of his eyes, the slight tightening of his mouth. It was rare to see, but apparently even Luthor’s had their tells. Never in her life had Chloe so hated her beloved truth than at that moment, when she understood that not only was everything she’d believed a lie, but that it hadn’t even been lies about her.

If she’d been Lana, Chloe knew that all of it – Lex, the kidnapping, the marriage – would have been some twisted attempt to win her love. But she was Chloe, so it was all about Clark.

She was so tired she couldn’t think for it. The only thought she could hold was that she couldn’t be there; she needed to leave.

“Let me go.”

The words carried a wealth of meanings for Lex. Let her go. Out of his arms, out of his life. It didn’t matter; he wasn’t sure he could grant her either of those requests.

His eyes pierced hers with a frantic distress he didn’t even attempt to hide.

“I love you.”

She reeled back as if she’d been struck and only too late did Lex realize the cruelty of his words. When she’d longed for them he couldn’t bring himself to utter them. Now that he could they were like daggers he’d thrust into her heart.

Unwilling to twist them any further, Lex forced his arms to release her; made himself step away.

“Keys.”

Chloe watched as her words were met by a blank and impenetrable look far more common to Lex than his previous alarm. She could almost see him gathering his thoughts, building his resolve and she knew she had to act. She had to leave before his clever, agile mind took everything in and devised some new torture, some plan of attack she couldn’t possibly hope to fend off in her current condition.

“I want to go home.” She could feel the last of her reason, her restraint, slip away. “Give me some goddamn keys!”

Lex knew she was distraught, but she’d have to be mad if she thought he would let her drive in her present state.

“You aren’t in any shape to drive.” He walked over to his desk and picked up the phone. “I’ll have Mitchell take you.”

“No,” she all but shouted. “I don’t want anything more from you.”

He felt his jaw clench and his hands hovered over the phone’s buttons as he forced out a tight reply.

“I’m not going to let you kill yourself just to prove something to me. You want to leave here,” his tone was uncompromising at best, “it will be with Mitchell. Take it or leave it.”

Chloe could feel herself shaking, but knew that this time it was with rage.

“Fine,” she spat. “Anything that gets me away from you.”

Disregarding everything except the fact that he’d succeeded, Lex put the call through, ordering his driver to bring the car around immediately. In the brief moment that task had required, Chloe had already made her way over to the door.

“Chloe.”

The sound of her name from his lips froze her hand on the cool polished metal of the knob.

“This isn’t over.”

He was wrong. She knew it with every fiber of her being. Because he was Lex Luthor and she was Chloe Sullivan and everything was, would always be about someone else.

“No, Lex” she choked on his name as she pulled the door open, “there was never anything to end.”

TBC