A Prank Too Far

Hola, chickadees!

Look, Spanish…almost.

Anyways, nuther update for ye. SMUUUUUTTTTTT!!!!!

And a smattering of plot, but not too much.

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Chapter 6: Squirrelly Wrath


Tawny McQueen threw open the door to Cuddy’s office and gestured with one imperious hand at the dark haired woman behind the desk.

“See? She is in her office, now will you leave me be?” She demanded viciously of Burndyke, towering over the smaller man and he nodded with a look of smug satisfaction.

“Thank you Dr McQueen.” Burndyke smirked with his nasal wine and Cuddy repressed the urge to throw herself out the window if only to escape. She was still reeling from her episode in the elevator with none other than Gregory damn House and she really wasn’t in the mood to be dealing with the resident idiot donor.

She opened her mouth to say something to Burndyke that would hopefully make him go away when the syllables died on her lips before they were uttered. Her gaze had caught on the massive grey hulking figure that was behind Burndyke and shouldering its way into her office. Cuddy didn’t know whether to laugh or cry as a huge line-backer shaped man in a squirrel suit shuffled into the office in soft furry feet and looked down at Burndyke.

“You Mr Burndyke?”

Burndyke blinked up at the massive man in a huge fuzzy squirrel suit, painted face and buck teeth. He nodded rather dumbly and a clipboard was thrust towards him.

“Sign here.” The squirrel demanded. Burndyke singed the pertinent form.

Tawny simply tilted her head to watch the exchange and arched an eyebrow behind her yellow lens glasses. She looked over at Cuddy and silently questioned with a gesture between the two.

Cuddy could only wordlessly shake her head and shrug.

It was then that the squirrel burst into a rousing rendition of ‘Burning Love’ by Elvis Presley, complete with lip curl, hip swivel and a healthy garnishing of acorn shaped confetti for the chorus.

Tawny took this all in with a certain measure of grace smirked once at Cuddy and then made her escape as quickly as possible so she could have a fit of hilarity in peace.

Cuddy could only stare at the squirrel as he moved onto the next song. Burndyke looked vaguely amused but altogether frightened as well.

A glare settled itself over Cuddy’s features, as well he should be.


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House sat in his chair behind his desk and listened to the dulcet tones of Queen filling the room at full volume. He was, for the lack of a better word, brooding. He sat, bouncing his cane against the floor and mulling over what had happened in the elevator. It had been strange. He hadn’t gone into the lift with the intention of pushing her up against the wall and bringing her off with his hands but…he’d ended up doing it all the same.

More still, he’d enjoyed it.

Not as much as he’d wanted to but still…with Cuddy?

They fought all the time, and there were of course all the rumours flying around about them, not so much to do with him recently, though he’d done his fair share of the grinding of the rumour mill in the past. He had fallen asleep on top of her the other night and it had been one of the best night’s sleep he’d ever had, though he was reluctant to contribute that to the fact that Cuddy having been in his bed.

They argued every single day and not once before had they ever come even close to acknowledging the blatant sexual tension between them, never mind acting upon it. He scrubbed a hand over his jaw as he whirled the facts about in his brain as easily as he might shuffle a deck of cards.

She was attractive, no, she was beautiful, she was smart, funny and she had a wicked sense of humour. Not only could she stand up to his barbs but she was almost as good at manipulating him as he was at getting to her. They toyed with each other often enough so as to keep each other firmly wrapped around the other’s finger. It made sense that he would respond to her, any red-blooded male would, but he couldn’t help but notice he had completely lost control in the elevator. They had been trading insults, they always did, but their words hadn’t been nearly as dangerous as they could have been, there was no reason for him to have pushed it like that.

To have kissed her or for her to have kissed him back.

No reason.

Also, the thing’s head said. That he had just begun with her. Where the hell had that come from? It was like something had reached into his brain and switched reason off while switching all the hormones he possessed on.

He tapped his chin with his fingers and inhaled on a sigh, he stilled as a sweet scent filled his head and fuzzed his thinking. A familiar delicious scent. He looked down and his eye caught on the stain at his wrist, where the whisky had spilled on him. Suddenly it all fell into place in his head. He made a sound of triumph as he lurched to his feet and towards the door. He had to find Tawny and tell her what to test the whisky for.


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Cuddy snarled in irritation as she stalked into her office at the end of the day and threw herself into her chair. She scowled at the world in general and slammed open her desk drawer and rummaged around inside. She snarled and slammed it shut, not looking for anything in particular, but intent on making a lot of noise as she did so. She wriggled the mouse and slapped it against the desktop as it was too slow in responding and resisted the strong urge to go online and buy stock in squirrel traps.

Burndyke had not only let the squirrel to continue to serenade him to such classics as; I Want To Ride My Bicycle, Don’t Cry For Me Argentina, Angels and, of course, the entire score to the musical HMS Pinafore.

Cuddy looked down and stilled as her eyes lit on the bottle of whisky in her desk drawer. She looked out into the empty lobby as she lifted the bottle and hummed softly to herself as she considered the contents of the bottle in her hand. She swirled it and enjoyed the play of colour that the red and golden liquids made as they mixed. It was late, there was nobody around and she had technically been off duty for the past hour.

Dispensing with any further justification on her part. Cuddy unscrewed the bottle and lifted it to her lips, swallowing a generous mouthful and enjoying the slow burn as it slid down her throat in a molten caress. She licked her lips and set the bottle on the desk edge and sat back in her chair. She sat quietly for a few moments and just relaxed as she reached up and tumbled her hair out of the strict knot she held it in at her nape.

Heat simmered under her skin so violently that she trembled with it, she shut her eyes tighter and tried to ignore it as the intense urge to be satiated once more. She had only felt truly at peace once in all of this rotten day and that had been in the few blissful seconds in the elevator after House had…her mind shied away from the thought. Analysing that just now would probably just make her feel worse.

She chuckled wryly, thinking it slightly ironic that House, usually a man that proved to aggravate her, would soothe her today.

The laugh died in her throat as the door swung open. She had shut the blinds so as to be, hopefully, left alone. Apparently, someone thought whatever crises they were facing was worth risking her bad mood. She opened her eyes, a snarl on her lips that she let die as soon as she saw who it was.

“What do you want?” She demanded of him as soon as he limped through the slats of the blinds.

“That’s no way to talk to your doctor.” House said, playing hurt as he smirked at her. She was in no mood to play.

“It’s been a long day, House, why don’t you just go home and drink yourself into a stupor or something.” She grumbled and pointedly didn’t look at the whisky bottle sitting so prominently on her desk.

“That’s what you’re planning?” He asked her brightly and she resisted the urge to throw the bottle at him.

“Go away.” She said and ignored the petulant tone in her own voice.

He sat on the edge of her desk and grinned down at her instead. “I know what’s wrong with you.” He said smugly and she smirked tightly at him.

“So do I, he’s about six three, skinny and has a limp.” She growled and wished that she hadn’t kicked her shoes off, she was so much smaller than he was and it really showed if she stood next to him without her heels. In body language, size was power and he would outstrip her in that so easily tonight that it would border on ridiculous. She sighed and resigned herself to sitting.

“Be nice.” He told her and she stopped herself from sticking her tongue out at him just in time. “It’s actually very simple.” He mused as he toyed with his cane and then looked at her out of the corner of his eye. “You wanna know?”

“I burn with questions.” She answered drolly as she propped her chin on her hand and watched him.

“Well, no, I imagine that you’re burning because you have a temperature and your hormones are so out of whack you feel like you haven’t had a decent lay in years. Which I know to be blatantly untrue.” He said casually as he wiggled his eyebrows at her.

She sat back and huffed. “You weren’t that good.” She said automatically. It was a blatant lie but the truth was never really an all important factor in their sparring matches.

“Oh, but I was and you know it, you wouldn’t have begged otherwise.” He said almost nonchalantly and her eyes flew to his, seeing that dangerous edge to him again. She stilled as something interested stirred deep inside her. She bit her lip and they both looked away from each other and reached for a control that simply wasn’t there. House huffed out a breath and struggled to not reach across the desk and drag her out of that seat and under him. Damn, this was powerful stuff they were playing with.

He cleared his throat and tugged at his collar. “It’s that.” He croaked and pointed his cane at the whisky sitting innocuously on the edge of her desk.

“What about it?” She asked, glad for any distraction as she reached over and examined the bottle.

“It’s laced with pheromones, they’re what’s making us act…like this.” He stood and walked away and then whirled back towards her before she had finished properly digesting this piece of information. “Isn’t it?”

“What?” She was beginning to feel a bit like a broken record and she shoved her feet back into her shoes before standing and rounding the desk, stalking towards him.

He had that intense look about him again as he stood by the door and watched her come towards him. He could no more walk away than she could. They were drawn to each other and completely and willingly ensnared in each other’s trap. She licked her lips as she stopped in front of him.

“Isn’t it what, House?” She demanded again quietly.

“That is why you let me have you, isn’t it?” He asked in that same harsh tone and she swallowed hard.

“Maybe.”

He took half a step towards her so that they were almost touching. The rational part of his brain seemed to have completely shut down as he looked down at her and remembered how good she had felt shivering, screaming and coming in his arms. “Maybe?”

She nodded and then, just like that, her control snapped. She gave a small purring growl as she shoved him roughly against the door, her body plastered against his in an instant as she tilted her head to his and his mouth came down hard over hers. He made a muffled sound of pleasure as their tongues tangled together. Her hands reached up and splayed over his shoulders and down his arms, her nails scoring the material of his jacket as she gripped him.

His arms wrapped around her waist and his hands strayed down over the curve of her ass and dragged her closer to him. She whimpered against his lips at the hard feel of him against her lower belly. Heat spiralled through her as her fingers found the top buttons of his rumpled shirt and plucked at them, peeling away the fabric to reveal the warm tanned skin underneath. She pulled the sky blue material away so she could see the sculpted planes of his chest and belly. She tore her mouth from his and kissed her way along his jaw towards his ear where she whispered to him harshly.

“You think this is us under the influence?”

He gasped as her fingers continued to pull his shirt apart until it was completely unbuttoned. Her hands trailed over his belly and then swept along the waistband of his jeans low on his hips. She chuckled as he attempted to answer her and her mouth nipped a steaming trail down his neck, over his collar bone to nibble at the swell of his pectoral. Her tongue lapped out to lave around his nipple and he groaned as she pressed him against the door with insistent hands, obviously wanting him to just stand there while she had an in-depth tasting session.

Which was just as well, really, he couldn’t really move. His cane had clattered to the floor and he felt boneless with anticipation.

Her hands joined her mouth on his chest and trailed after her lips as she dropped to her knees and kissed and licked her way down his belly. He was only vaguely aware of the clink of his belt buckle being undone over the roaring in his ears and the singing of his skin. He wanted to stop her, if she was going to do what he thought she was going to do, then he wouldn’t last more than two minutes.

“Cuddy.” He managed to grate out as she unsnapped his jeans and they parted readily around the hard ridge of him. He hissed out a breath between his teeth, completely at her mercy but trying to talk anyway. “Lisa!” He gasped as if in pain and she looked up at him.

“Yes?” She tugged his jeans and shorts down in one fluid motion and wrapped her fingers around him with one molten stroke. House shut his eyes as pleasure rocketed up his spine, his head smacked back against the door and he thumped it with his fist.

“Never mind.” He whispered at the ceiling and he felt her chuckle as well as heard it as she laved her tongue up the underside of his straining cock. He shivered as she wrapped her fingers around him and then drew her thumb over the dripping head of his erection. He swore as she repeated the motion with her tongue.

Then she took him in her mouth and he nearly yelled at the hot pleasure of it, her tongue lapped lazily against his glans and he panted roughly as she took him as deeply as she could and stroked what she couldn’t with her skilled fingers. She hummed against him, the sound a noise of surprised pleasure as if she had expected him to taste good but was taken aback at exactly how delicious he was. The vibrations from her moan echoed along his hard length, up his spine and thundered through his head. She had been toying with him for mere seconds and he was on a knife edge, ready to explode at the least provocation.

He couldn’t remember the last time a woman had done this for him and he didn’t think any of them had ever enjoyed it as much as she obviously did. He reached down and stroked the side of her face as his hips thrust involuntarily. Her hand tightened at the base of his shaft and he groaned as she held him still and pulled away to swirl her tongue around the heated head of him. His fingers tangled in her hair as he said something mindlessly over and over like a prayer falling from his lips. It took him a few seconds to realise that it was her name.

“Lisa, Lisa, Lisa.” He moaned it out to the impassive furniture of her office and choked on the words as she abruptly took him as deep as she could in her hot mouth and sucked hard enough to hollow her cheeks against the satin steel of him. He shouted wordlessly as he exploded for her, thrusting his hips and coming hard and fast into her beautiful soft mouth.

He sagged against the door and slipped down to the floor as his knees buckled under him. He looked over at her as she knelt in front of him still. Her eyes were wide and her cheeks were flushed as their eyes met and then she hurriedly looked away from him as if embarrassed. She rose to her feet and stalked across her office, snatching up her purse and grabbing her jacket, she chanced on last look at him sprawled against her door and bit her swollen lip between white teeth.

He looked up at her and that appeared to be her undoing. She walked over to him, threw open the unlocked door and strode out into the lobby without a word.

House stared after her incredulously.

Oh, hell no. A woman did not give him the best damn blow job he’d ever had, enjoy it nearly as much as he did and then just walk away without another word. He snatched up his cane, hurriedly rearranged himself and then hobbled out of the office after her.


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Outside, Cuddy threw herself into her car and slammed the keys in the ignition. She couldn’t believe what she had just done. She had just…in her office no less! She pressed a hand to her still flaming cheek as she jammed the car into reverse and then squealed out of her parking space and around up the ramp, into the hot New Jersey night and into the post rush hour traffic.

What the hell had come over her?

One minute they’re having a relatively civil discussion, as their discussions went and the next thing she knows, she’s on her knees with her lips and hands wrapped around his cock. Cuddy opened the windows in her car and hauled in a breath of the cool night air.

She couldn’t think. Her brain had completely shut down. The same as in the elevator. They had been standing together and all she could think of was how good it would be to have him begging her as much as she’d been begging him. How delicious he would taste in her mouth. How she could make him shiver under hands. She ran a shaking hand through her mussed hair.

All she knew was that she had wanted him and nothing on this earth could have stopped her from having him. Unabated arousal hammered through her as she ran her tongue over her lips, she could still taste the musky tone of him on her tongue. She shuddered as a fresh wave of heat coursed through her.

Oh God, what was happening to her?


TBC…