Deadly Temptation

Bossier City, Louisiana-Nine months later

Sam watched in amusement as Dean flirted with the trashy waitress noting that his brother never stopped staring at the woman’s ample cleavage. Dean had flashed his pearly whites at the red-head when she first came to the table, and she had practically swooned on the spot never leaving the table longer than absolutely necessary. It had taken nine long months but Sam was pleased to see Dean finally smiling and joking again. The brother that he had known a year-ago was slowly coming back and nothing could have made Sam happier.

He had watched Dean being tormented over the long months with never-ending nightmares; waking up in the middle of the night bathe in a sheen of sweat screaming at the top of his lungs, fighting invisible enemies. Sam knew that Christian, and perhaps himself, haunted Dean’s dreams and that alone was enough to stop him from pursuing Dean. Over the months, Dean had slowly begun to accept his presence again, and although they still had a long way to go, Sam felt confident that he and Dean would once again be as close as they once were before the vampires had infiltrated their lives despite the coldness Dean tossed in his direction.

The first month was the worst for both Dean and himself. Dean found any excuse he could find to avoid his younger brother, and although Sam understood why Dean didn’t want to be near him, it still hurt to have the most important person in his life push him away. He thought that he would lose his mind when Dean ran off with their father for six weeks leaving him to hunt alone. Those six weeks had been the hardest weeks of his life. He had never felt so abandoned and so alone, but he still held on to the hope that one day Dean would return to him.

When Dean had finally come back to him he had brought John along with him. At first, he was amused by the fact that Dean still felt like he needed a buffer between them, and Dad was the perfect cock-block, but after three weeks his patience had ran out; and he got into a fight with his father causing Dean to choose between the two men. John had excused him of having less than honorable intentions towards Dean, but he had assured his father that nothing could be further from the truth. He simply wanted his brother back, and he had abandoned any hope of intimacy with Dean weeks earlier. Ultimately, his plea was good enough to appease Dean, and his older brother had encouraged their father to take off on his own.

There had been moments of closeness over the months, but they were few and far between. It felt as if there was a wall between them, and as hard as Sam tried to tear that wall down, Dean worked doubly hard to build it back up. Sam knew Dean better than anyone, and he knew in his heart that his brother was afraid of him, and that knowledge alone was enough to keep his sexual advances at bay. He had made a promise with himself on the morning Dean converted back to his human form that he would wait for Dean to make the first move, and he was still rather impatiently waiting. However, he knew deep down that Dean’s first move would probably never come, and he had made peace with that fact in recent weeks.

What kept Sam going, despite the bullshit attitude his brother had given him over the months, was the return of Dean’s smile and his arrogance. Of late, Dean had become more aggressive and had happily gotten into some bar fights; obviously, looking to reclaim his masculinity and Sam was thrilled that Dean had finally rediscovered his manhood and his sexual appetite. Dean was starting to sleep with as many woman as he could again, and as much as Dean’s slut mentality appalled Sam, it was good to see his brother acting more like his old self. Before Christian, Dean had been a sexual creature who enjoyed the flash of strangers on a consistent basis, and he had finally started getting back into the swing of things.

Dean was sleeping with every woman he could sweet talk, getting into fights for no reason whatsoever, insulting cops on a regular basis, tossing around attitude and rudeness whenever he felt it was needed, and being basically an asshole; and Sam wondered how he could get some of that attitude pointed away from him for a change.


************************************************


Dean sat in the Impala watching as Sam went inside the convenient store to pay for the gas he had just pumped. He noted that Sam’s long gait had seemed more confident of late and that made Dean somewhat pleased. For months, Sam had been walking on eggshells around him trying to maintain the peace and to promote a healthy recovery, but Dean had hated seeing the sadness and despair in his brother’s eyes; and he knew that he was the source of that gloom. He knew that he was causing Sam pain with his coldness and hostility, but he had found it rather difficult to be around the other man. Constant nightmares of Christian, Dmitry, and Sam invaded his dreams, and he wanted nothing more than to rip them out of his head, but he was afraid that the bad memories were there to stay.

Sam had made such an effort to give him space, and as much as Dean appreciated the overture, Dean still had a hard time trusting his brother’s intentions. He had seen the hungry looks Sam had cast his way, and although he doubted Sam realized it himself, it still made him feel uncomfortable around his own flesh and blood. Over time, the trust was slowly returning, but Dean still found himself hesitant around Sam, and his recent sexual escapades had proven to be a great way to avoid being alone with Sam in motel rooms.

A part of him wanted Sam as a lover, but the larger part of him wanted only to be his brother. He knew that Sam had his heart set on a sexual relationship with him even if they hadn’t talked about it since that faithful night in Fort Myers when he converted back to this human form, and this knowledge kept Dean on edge. Dean was a hunter, a detailed-oriented person, and he hadn’t missed Sam’s eager gazes or his subtle caresses. It was obvious that Sam still wanted him as a lover, but Dean didn’t know how to tell Sam that it would never happen. He knew that he had to do what was right for him, and getting involved with his brother in a sexual relationship was fucked up enough, but add in all the torment, the manipulation , and the violence; and it was easy to see why even the idea of being with Sam in that way was problematic to say the least.

Over the last few weeks, Dean had felt more like his old self, and he felt like stalking every girl he could get his hands on. Plus, he found it rather amusing how easy it was to pick a fight at a bar with a simple smirk and a shrug of his shoulders. He loved the power he felt when he was inside a woman and when his fist was crashing into another man’s face. It felt good to be back in charge of his destiny, and he knew that getting involved with Sam would only cloud over that destiny.

He was jarred from his thoughts by the creak of the Impala driver side door. He watched silently as Sam pulled his long ass legs into the car and tossed him a bag. “What did you get?”

“We were busy getting our asses kicked by that witch up in Springfield a few days back, and I didn’t have a chance to get you anything for your birthday,” Sam explained grinning widely.

Dean had gotten a call from John early in the morning on his birthday obviously grateful that his son had survived to turn 28, but shortly after the call, Sam and himself had found themselves elbow deep into a witch hunt that ended in the loss of two additional college kids and one nasty old hag. Dean had been initially distraught over the deaths of the two college kids, but he knew from experience that beating evil isn’t always a simple equation and that causalities are a part of the job.

“Dude, you didn’t have to get me anything,” Dean hesitantly smiled as he looked into the brown bag.

“Sure I did,” Sam replied. “I’m just glad that I get a chance to celebrate another one with you.”

Dean’s eyes lit up in joy when he saw what was in the bag. “Sam, I can’t believe you got this for me.” Dean’s hands slid down the smooth front of his gift, “I don’t know what to say.”

“Just say thank you and take it out of the bag,” Sam beamed excitedly.

Dean couldn’t help but to chuckle as he pulled out his shiny new gift. The latest addition of the magazine featured one of his favorite celebrities surrounded by three long-haired white dogs, “This is the issue where she talks about meeting Bob Greene for the first time and starts to lose her weight.” Dean flipped through the magazine aware that Sam was staring at him in undisguised amusement, but he refused to laugh at Sam’s joke, “Oprah is the Led Zeppelin of talk show hosts…she rules.”

Sam laughed loudly glad that Dean found the magazine interesting, “I always suspected your obsession with her was less than healthy and now I know for sure that it is.”

“What? She’s Zeppelin worthy,” Dean argued. “She’s done so many amazing things that have changed so many lives, and I won’t sit here and let you insult her.”

Sam bit his lower lip trying not to laugh even harder, “Of course she has.”

“That’s right,” Dean challenged as the magazine landed on an article titled Oprah’s Seven Day Food Journal and winced when he realized that the only food they had in common was onions. “I should try to eat more like her. I could stand to lose a few pounds myself.”

“You don’t need to lose weight Dean,” Sam quarreled. “You’re perfect the way you are.”

Dean could feel his hands tremble with Sam’s innocent remark. A year ago, Sam’s comment wouldn’t have fazed him, hell, he probably would have said something on the lines of, ‘I know’, but now it made him feel uncomfortable and trapped in the car with his brother. The fun moment was lost and Dean tossed the magazine in the backseat, “Let’s get out of here.”

Sam hadn’t missed the shift in Dean’s mood, and he regretted speaking the truth, “I didn’t mean anything by that Dean.”

Dean looked out the window and watched as a younger man began pumping gas into his Jeep wishing that he was anywhere else but in the Impala with Sam. “Today’s the day,” he whispered.

“What day?” Sam asked staring at Dean’s solemn profile.

“New Chester…that alley,” Dean replied softly wishing that he could go back and relive that night. He never would have let Sam leave without checking for a Sire if he had known then what he knew now.

Sam swallowed the guilt down. He still blamed himself for the tragedy that befell his brother. Dean had voiced concerns of a possible Sire that night in the alley, but San had brushed Dean’s concerns off. “Oh…I didn’t realize.”

“You ever wish you could go back and change things?” Dean asked turning his gaze towards his brother.

“Of course,” Sam replied looking intently into Dean’s sad eyes. “If you could change only one thing in your life what would it be?”

“Simple,” Dean replied quickly. “I’d make sure that mom didn’t die that night and that you and I grew up like normal people…whatever the hell that means.”

“That wouldn’t have done any good. Whatever it is that killed mom killed Jess, so saving mom on that night probably would only have delayed her death,” Sam remarked.

“Leave it to you to ruin everything, “Dean sighed in frustration.

“What the hell is that suppose to me?” Sam barked in anger.

“You know what the fuck it means!” Dean yelled back. “You ruined your relationship with Dad, you ruined my vision of a perfect life with a mom, and you ruined our brotherly love with your sick ass desires!”

Sam turned away from Dean and held on tightly to the steering wheel in anger, “You know what Dean? I’ve had it with your guilt trip. Did I fuck up? Yes. Did I hurt you? Yes. Did I take advantage of you, intimidate you, and manipulate you? Yes, but I have more than paid the price for my mistakes.”

“Oh you have?” Dean asked in disbelief.

“You have been nothing but a cold-hearted bitch to me for nine months Dean,” Sam explained. “Nine fucking months…not once have you hugged me since that night in Fort Myers, not once have you showed any concern for my well-being, and not once have you offered me even the tiniest hope that we can get back what we once had.”

“And I have every right to be like that towards you,” Dean argued.

“Give me a fucking break!” Sam snapped. “You’ve walked around here for nine months sulking, ignoring me as much as possible, treating me like shit, and basically making my life a living hell.”

“Good,” Dean replied smugly. “That’s what I was going for.”

“Dean,” Sam began feeling his face getting hot with anger. “Sometimes I think that I should just leave you and go back to college, but then I think that you want me to leave, so you do everything in your power to make me leave; but I got news for you…I’m not going anywhere.”

Dean faced forward in the seat and looked out into the parking lot noticing that drizzle was beginning to fall, “Sam, I don’t know what the hell I want…I just know that I want all this pain to disappear, this awkwardness around you, this mistrust…it’s eating me alive.”

Sam ran his hand through his hair in frustration, “I don’t know what else I can do here Dean. Haven’t I paid enough penance for what I did?”

“Have you?” Dean asked watching as the raindrops that fell on the windshield got larger.

“I feel like I’ve been crucified here Dean,” Sam countered. “Except, there’s no one at the base of the cross to take me down; I just keep dying for my sins.”

Dean rubbed his hands up and down his thighs in thought, “Damn, that was deep. You have quite a talent for metaphors Sammy.”

“That wasn’t a metaphor,” Sam disputed.

“Was it an analogy then?” Dean asked scratching his head. “I always get confused between the two.”

Sam recognized Dean’s attempt at lightening the mood and welcomed it, “It was neither really…I guess we could call it an open comparison.”

Dean mouthed ‘What the fuck?’ then shrugged his shoulders in confusion. “I’m glad to see they taught you something in college.”

Both men sat in silence for a few minutes quickly recognizing that the light-hearted moment had slipped by, and they were now facing more awkwardness as the rain increased.

“Dean, what else can I do to make you feel comfortable around me?”

Dean couldn’t look Sam in the eyes because he was too ashamed to see the pain on his brother’s face, “I need for you to accept the fact that I don’t want you sexually.”

“Dean, I can…” Sam began.

“Let me finish,” Dean interrupted. “I worry that I’ve led you on all these months, and I’ve been too afraid to admit the truth; and as a result, I treat you like crap in hopes that you can realize that you don’t need me or want me in that way anymore.”

“And you find that approach easier than simply telling me the truth?” Sam asked confused by Dean’s actions.

“I didn’t know what else to do,” Dean admitted. “You didn’t take no for an answer for all that time…you kept pressuring me and hounding me, so I figured why even bother telling you no.”

Sam knew that Dean’s reasoning was sound and it disturbed him that his own dark nature was so apparent to his brother. “Okay, I guess in a way that makes since, but no more games Dean,” Sam demanded. “Tell me the fucking truth right now, and I will respect your choice.”

“I don’t want you to…” Dean began still looking out at the ever-increasing rain.

“Look me in the eyes and tell me,” Sam pleaded. “I deserve that.”

Dean slowly turned his face towards Sam and looked directly into Sam’s eyes, “I use to think that we had a chance of being more than brothers, but as more time passes by, I realize that being with you in that way would be detrimental to me.” Dean paused and took a deep breath appreciating that Sam remained silent allowing him a chance to finish, “If Christian had never happened, and we found ourselves in that situation for whatever reason, and the gentle loving Sam was there with me; then perhaps we could have been more than brothers, but right now we’re barely acquaintances.”

“I just want my brother back,” Sam quickly replied. “Do I still think about you sexually? Yes, but I can survive without that stuff…I just want my smartass, rude, ladies man of a brother back.”

Dean let out a sigh of relief feeling like the weight of the world had been lifted from his shoulders, “I should have told you months ago…I’m sorry.”

Sam shook his head in disagreement, “As much as I hated how you treated me, I think waiting until now was the right thing to so. You’re not the only one healing here Dean…I don’t think I was ready to hear your rejection until now. Telling me earlier on would have caused me pain and God knows what else could have happened because of my anger.”

Dean nodded in understanding and smiled softly; they were both on their way towards recovery, “So, we want to try to this whole brotherly love crap?”

“I’d like that,” Sam beamed reaching into his pocket, “and we’ll start with this.”

Dean looked down at Sam’s hand and grinned ear-to-ear, “Dude, I so love you right now,” He quickly grabbed the bag of M&Ms out of Sam’s hand and eagerly tore open the bag. “Oprah, M&Ms…you’re the best brother ever!”

Sam laughed boisterously and started the Impala, “You only love me when I feed you.”

“That’s not true,” Dean argued through a mouth full of chocolate. “I love you when you do my laundry too.”

“Good to know I’m good for something,” Sam replied pulling out of the gas station heading towards their next gig. He pulled out onto the highway admiring how happy Dean seemed to be with the little chocolate treats, “You always were a sucker for candy…Dad always had to warn you about not taking candy from strangers.”

“Yeah he did,” Dean smiled when an M&M fell out of his mouth, “but I’m just sweet like that.”

Sam grinned at Dean’s welcomed arrogance and he pushed onwards down the highway feeling free from temptation for the first time in a year…

************************************

This was a tough ending to write. So many opinions on what my readers wanted to see happen, but ultimately my muses made the tough call. I know I can’t please everyone with this epilogue, but I truly feel that the ending stayed true to the initial purpose of the story that I began in November of 2005.

Can you believe that it is finally over?? This has been on of the most remarkable experiences in my life, and I want to take this moment to thank all of you who have supported an encouraged me over this long and painstaking; yet rewarding, creative process. To all of you who have always commented and left me feedback, I offer you tons of hugs and kisses. To all of you who have always read the series and have silently supported me, I thank you as well. I would love to hear from all of the readers of this series letting me know how you felt about the series as whole and about the epilogue.