House the Pimp
folder
G through L › House
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
5
Views:
4,304
Reviews:
4
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
G through L › House
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
5
Views:
4,304
Reviews:
4
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own House, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
The coat comes off
4.
It was the next morning and House the Pimp was in Cuddy’s office, looking down at the floor, with a grave expression on his face. Wilson stood just behind him, with his hand on House’s shoulder, and the ducklings were behind him, looking disturbed.
Cuddy walked in without looking at any of them and opened a file on her desk. “I have some bad news, everyone. Although the paramedics tried their best to revive the man, he didn’t make it.” Cameron squealed and covered her face with her hands. “Right you are, Cameron. I have some more bad news. The man’s name was Jack McCoy, and he was a Defence Attorney.”
“Shit,” Chase interrupted, “you don’t think we’ll be…”
“Sued?” Cuddy finished, “I think it’s highly likely.”
Foreman stepped forward, still wearing only the sign, for some reason. “But we didn’t kill him! It was a heart attack wasn’t it?”
“Yes, but if he was in a REAL hospital, he would have gotten the help he needed quicker, and may of even lived. And this combined with THAT sign… not to mention what we really do here…”
“Oh sorry, do you want me to take it off?” asked Foreman, already beginning to lift the sign over his head. “NO!” yelled everyone at once and Foreman stopped, looking a little rejected.
“Hey, this IS a real hospital!” House said.
“House, I know you feel that way, but we have to admit what this place really is: It’s a whorehouse, and you guys aren’t real doctors.”
“Sure they are: they carry stethoscopes now.” said Wilson, smiling. Cuddy glared at him and sighed. “Wilson, what are you even doing here?”
“Emotional support” explained House and he curled an arm around Wilson’s waist.
“I’m a lawyer; I can represent you, and save the day,” Wilson said suddenly, breaking free from House’s grasp, and striking a pose.
Chase and Foreman looked at each other worried. “No offence Wilson, but you’re a shit lawyer,” said Cuddy and Wilson frowned, “we’re going to have to work hard to save our asses.” “And what do you suggest?” asked House.
Cuddy had both her hands on her desk, hunched over “There is only one thing we can do. We need to pretend this is a real hospital. The cops are coming back tomorrow to investigate the death. If we can make them think this is a real hospital, then we might just get off the hook. It’s a long shot, but it’s the only chance we have.”
“And what about my business?” asked House.
“You can still pimp, but tone it down a bit, okay?” House nods. “Alright people, time to make this place look more like a Hospital. Chase?” “Yeah?” “Go out and buy 20 or so white coats. House, go tell the rest of the…Hospital. Does anyone have any moral dilemma with this?” Everyone looked at Cameron, but she looked confused “What??” “Okay, good. Now get to work.”
The next day the hospital was buzzing bright and early. It had taken all night to de-pimp the hospital, but it now looked as plain and clinical as any other.
Some of the staff were still hurriedly changing into scrubs that had just been delivered. Chase was in his undies struggling with his costume and Foreman was trying desperately to help him pull it on. Finally they got it, “Too clean,” Foreman noted. “AAh!!” Chase cried as he was sprayed with tomato sauce that Foreman pulled out of his white coat. “Better.” he nodded.
House limped peacefully in with a cup of coffee in his hands, like it was any other day. Cuddy instantly spotted him.
“HOUSE!! You CAN’T be dressed like that in a hospital!” she yelled. House looked himself up and down, “what?” “Put on a white doctor’s jacket! The cops will be here in 10 minutes!”
House spun on his heals “Hell no! Those things are a serious fashion disaster.” Cuddy frowned and pointed at his fluoro pink fur coat “At least loose the coat.” House moped but took it off. Underneath he was wearing a fairly normal blue shirt, much to Cuddy’s relief. “There, y’ happy?” And he limped through to his office.
On the way he popped his head into a random exam room. Lying in the bed was one of his regulars, Tony Dinozzo, dressed in a hospital gown. “Hey Doctor,” Tony smiled at House.
House limped over. “Thanks for doing this, Tony.” He meant this in more ways than one, considering Tony worked for a government agency and would probably get fired for helping House out.
“No problem. You know I’d do anything for this place. It’s like a second home to me. Plus you got the best hoes in town!” Tony said. House nodded and turned on a little box next to the bed that started a *beep beep* noise and even had a fake heart line on its screen. Tony winked and then played dead. House smirked and left.
When he got to his office he stopped at the door and read the sign: “Gregory House, M.D. - Diagnostic Medicine.” ‘That has a nice ring to it’, he thought. ‘Maybe one day I’ll get a real medical degree…’
“They’re here! Alright everyone, remember your places! And try to act as non-sexual as possible.” came Cuddy’s voice from down the hall. “House, get your ass back out here and greet the detectives.’ House grumbled and considered pretending not to hear – to let Cuddy sweat it out alone.
The detectives strode into the Hospital and approached the front desk. A ho named Tracy was there, “Welcome to Princeton-Plainsboro Hospital. Can I help you?”
He flashed his badge. “Detective Elliot Stabler. I was wondering if we could have a few words with Doctor House.”
“I can help you there!” Cuddy rushed forward and shook hands with the two detectives. “I’m Doctor Cuddy, I own the place.” House came out from around the corner. “And this is Doctor House.”
“I’m Detective Stabler, and this is my partner, Detective Goren.” They nodded at each other. “Is it okay if we take a look around the place?” “Certainly,” replied House “Follow me.”
As they left Cuddy released a sigh of relief. ‘Please, please let this work.’
It was the next morning and House the Pimp was in Cuddy’s office, looking down at the floor, with a grave expression on his face. Wilson stood just behind him, with his hand on House’s shoulder, and the ducklings were behind him, looking disturbed.
Cuddy walked in without looking at any of them and opened a file on her desk. “I have some bad news, everyone. Although the paramedics tried their best to revive the man, he didn’t make it.” Cameron squealed and covered her face with her hands. “Right you are, Cameron. I have some more bad news. The man’s name was Jack McCoy, and he was a Defence Attorney.”
“Shit,” Chase interrupted, “you don’t think we’ll be…”
“Sued?” Cuddy finished, “I think it’s highly likely.”
Foreman stepped forward, still wearing only the sign, for some reason. “But we didn’t kill him! It was a heart attack wasn’t it?”
“Yes, but if he was in a REAL hospital, he would have gotten the help he needed quicker, and may of even lived. And this combined with THAT sign… not to mention what we really do here…”
“Oh sorry, do you want me to take it off?” asked Foreman, already beginning to lift the sign over his head. “NO!” yelled everyone at once and Foreman stopped, looking a little rejected.
“Hey, this IS a real hospital!” House said.
“House, I know you feel that way, but we have to admit what this place really is: It’s a whorehouse, and you guys aren’t real doctors.”
“Sure they are: they carry stethoscopes now.” said Wilson, smiling. Cuddy glared at him and sighed. “Wilson, what are you even doing here?”
“Emotional support” explained House and he curled an arm around Wilson’s waist.
“I’m a lawyer; I can represent you, and save the day,” Wilson said suddenly, breaking free from House’s grasp, and striking a pose.
Chase and Foreman looked at each other worried. “No offence Wilson, but you’re a shit lawyer,” said Cuddy and Wilson frowned, “we’re going to have to work hard to save our asses.” “And what do you suggest?” asked House.
Cuddy had both her hands on her desk, hunched over “There is only one thing we can do. We need to pretend this is a real hospital. The cops are coming back tomorrow to investigate the death. If we can make them think this is a real hospital, then we might just get off the hook. It’s a long shot, but it’s the only chance we have.”
“And what about my business?” asked House.
“You can still pimp, but tone it down a bit, okay?” House nods. “Alright people, time to make this place look more like a Hospital. Chase?” “Yeah?” “Go out and buy 20 or so white coats. House, go tell the rest of the…Hospital. Does anyone have any moral dilemma with this?” Everyone looked at Cameron, but she looked confused “What??” “Okay, good. Now get to work.”
The next day the hospital was buzzing bright and early. It had taken all night to de-pimp the hospital, but it now looked as plain and clinical as any other.
Some of the staff were still hurriedly changing into scrubs that had just been delivered. Chase was in his undies struggling with his costume and Foreman was trying desperately to help him pull it on. Finally they got it, “Too clean,” Foreman noted. “AAh!!” Chase cried as he was sprayed with tomato sauce that Foreman pulled out of his white coat. “Better.” he nodded.
House limped peacefully in with a cup of coffee in his hands, like it was any other day. Cuddy instantly spotted him.
“HOUSE!! You CAN’T be dressed like that in a hospital!” she yelled. House looked himself up and down, “what?” “Put on a white doctor’s jacket! The cops will be here in 10 minutes!”
House spun on his heals “Hell no! Those things are a serious fashion disaster.” Cuddy frowned and pointed at his fluoro pink fur coat “At least loose the coat.” House moped but took it off. Underneath he was wearing a fairly normal blue shirt, much to Cuddy’s relief. “There, y’ happy?” And he limped through to his office.
On the way he popped his head into a random exam room. Lying in the bed was one of his regulars, Tony Dinozzo, dressed in a hospital gown. “Hey Doctor,” Tony smiled at House.
House limped over. “Thanks for doing this, Tony.” He meant this in more ways than one, considering Tony worked for a government agency and would probably get fired for helping House out.
“No problem. You know I’d do anything for this place. It’s like a second home to me. Plus you got the best hoes in town!” Tony said. House nodded and turned on a little box next to the bed that started a *beep beep* noise and even had a fake heart line on its screen. Tony winked and then played dead. House smirked and left.
When he got to his office he stopped at the door and read the sign: “Gregory House, M.D. - Diagnostic Medicine.” ‘That has a nice ring to it’, he thought. ‘Maybe one day I’ll get a real medical degree…’
“They’re here! Alright everyone, remember your places! And try to act as non-sexual as possible.” came Cuddy’s voice from down the hall. “House, get your ass back out here and greet the detectives.’ House grumbled and considered pretending not to hear – to let Cuddy sweat it out alone.
The detectives strode into the Hospital and approached the front desk. A ho named Tracy was there, “Welcome to Princeton-Plainsboro Hospital. Can I help you?”
He flashed his badge. “Detective Elliot Stabler. I was wondering if we could have a few words with Doctor House.”
“I can help you there!” Cuddy rushed forward and shook hands with the two detectives. “I’m Doctor Cuddy, I own the place.” House came out from around the corner. “And this is Doctor House.”
“I’m Detective Stabler, and this is my partner, Detective Goren.” They nodded at each other. “Is it okay if we take a look around the place?” “Certainly,” replied House “Follow me.”
As they left Cuddy released a sigh of relief. ‘Please, please let this work.’