Time, Death & Scar Tissue...

Author's Note: 'De vita Caesarum' or 'Lives of the Caesars' was completed in the year 119 during the reign of the emperor Hadrian by his personal secretary Suetonius. The work consists of biographies of Julius Caesar and the eleven emperors that followed, including the three Flavian emperors, Vespasian and his sons, Titus and Domitian.
Tacitus was a historian whose surviving works document a similar time period.
psyche b.


34. Art and Literature

Kathryn got the distinct impression that she was missing something, but she had become accustomed to that in the past few months. She sipped her tea and concentrated on the feeling of the room. Since she noticed that rooms took on distinctively different feelings when there was tension between their occupants Kathryn often paused before blundering in to a conversation. It made things considerably less awkward for her. She sensed nothing but a bit of nervousness coming from her grandmother. At least initially things were going well. Her eyes fell on the draped image.

“Did you get Mother's portrait back from Daddy?” She asked, filling the silence that had grown out of somewhere. Kathryn wouldn't allow herself to think about what was being said about her before she came in.

“No.” Minerva set her cup aside and uncovered the image for the second time. She stood next to it, waiting for Kathryn's reaction.

“You had another one done.” Kathryn said, getting up to have a closer look, her eyes narrowed a bit. “Mother wasn't that pale though, not while she was healthy anyway.”

“That's because this isn't your mother, Kathryn.” Minerva said softly. Kathryn realized what she was saying and she took her eyes off the painting to look at her grandmother.

“It's not me.” She said firmly. “It can't be. I never posed, besides that woman is too beautiful.” Kathryn shook her head and took a step back. Lucien's gripped her upper arms lightly and Kathryn realized she was trembling. She wondered when he got up.

“Perhaps the image is a bit paler than you are, but I think the artist was attempting to make you blend into the setting more. Other than that it's a very good likeness.” His voice was soothing, and Kathryn felt some of the initial shock fading. She looked over at Minerva again.

“He might be right about the skin tone.” She looked from Kathryn's face to the portrait. “I didn't mean to startle you so though.” Her eyes were concerned.

“I'm sorry.” Kathryn said finally. “I guess I'm a little overwrought.” She let Lucien lead her back to the sofa, but her hands trembled a little as she sipped her tea.

“No, I should be apologizing to you. I should have warned you instead of surprising you like that.” Minerva said, settling again. “I was just so anxious to see you standing in front of it.”

“Who painted it?” She felt herself calming now. She couldn't get the thought of it being a bad omen out of her head, but his arm around her shoulder made her feel safe from bad omens as well as the rest of the world. She relaxed into him.

“You remember meeting Miles Barry several times when you visited last summer?” Minerva asked. Kathryn nodded. She had begun to think that her grandmother was dating the mousy little man he was around so much. “Well, he worked from those meetings and photographs.”

“Did he choose the setting?” Her curiosity was taking over now, she pushed aside all other thoughts for the time being.

“Mostly. I told him it should give the impression of nighttime, the rest was his idea. He said it was the first image that came to mind the first time he met you.” Minerva sipped her tea and relaxed a bit more.

“It's unusual, but I think I like it.” She smiled a bit at the image and then turned to Minerva, her brow knitted slightly. “You didn't tell him about Anna, did you?”

“No, but I did tell him about your education. I presume you aren't embarrassed by that.” Minerva smiled a little and relaxed visibly.

“I'm not embarrassed by Anna either, but I'm so close to being done with her, I would hate to lose my cloak of invisibility now.” Kathryn smiled a little.

“I knew you were further along than you let on.” Minerva leaned forward, her eyes filled with curiosity. “I want all the details.”

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

LaCroix watched the two women discuss Kathryn's latest story. He was surprised by the similar mannerisms, the similar inflections of voice and the similarity of opinion about Paul's nature. Minerva was shocked and indignant when Kathryn related the fact that her editor wanted the series to end with Paul's death. The evening after that conversation was easily the most upset he had ever seen Kathryn, it was also the most frank she had ever been with him about her own beliefs.

“Well that is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard!” Minerva was flushed with anger as well. “You aren't going to do it are you?”

“Of course not!” Kathryn said. “I have a perfectly good ending in mind that keeps everyone just as they are. Besides, it's much more likely that Paul would simply decide he had nothing more to say for the moment than it is that he would suddenly become suicidal.”

“Did she really suggest that?” Minerva was shocked, frankly so was he. Kathryn hadn't mentioned that particular point.

“Yes. She thinks that just because Paul is a-” The word caught in her throat again, he wondered if her conversion would change that. “Because Paul is revenant that his emotions somehow work differently. Human beings are not usually overwhelmed by the urge to kill themselves when they're happy in their lives, since he's happy in his life that urge wouldn't strike him either. Frankly to hear her talk about it made me sick.” Kathryn sipped her tea.

“I'm sure it did. For an educated woman Margot can certainly act like a perfect fool sometimes.” Minerva turned to him. “You have read her books, I presume.”

“Of course. The history drew me into her stories, but I have to admit they are unlike anything else I've ever read.” He noticed Kathryn blush softly.

“The history in the new one will be richer because of Lucien.” She touched his leg softly and LaCroix had to fight to follow the thread of the conversation for a few minutes. It had been nearly a week since she had been so relaxed. She had often sought comfort from him in that time, but little else. His basic needs were met elsewhere, but he dearly missed the emotional connection that he found only with her. He watched her prepare another cup of tea for Minerva.

“Kathryn tells me that you're quite a collector. In fact, you books are one of the first details I managed to drag out of her.” Minerva sipped the tea, smiling slightly.

“Funny, I don't recall being put on the rack.” Kathryn's easy sarcasm had returned, he smiled slightly at her before answering Minerva's questions. He could see where Kathryn's deep appreciation of art and history came from. Or one of the places anyway. The longer he knew Kathryn the more convinced he became that there were aspects of her that were as old as he was.

At a little after two Minerva announced that she was tired. He saw very little change in her, but he wasn't sure that was a surprise anymore.

“Remember Kathryn, we have an appointment at the spa tomorrow at three in the afternoon.” Minerva hugged Kathryn close and kissed her cheek She took his hands again “You will be able to occupy yourself for a few hours on your own, won't you?” He bent down and touched his cheek to hers. Minerva's heart registered her surprise, but nothing else did. He stepped back.

“Of course. Sleep well Minerva.”

“You too.” She smiled and walked out of the room. Kathryn began collecting the dishes as soon as she left.

“I thought you were going to leave those.” He said, unable to keep a little smile off of his face.

“Bridey would have my head if I left dirty dishes in the sitting room.” Kathryn smiled a little. “I'll clean these up and give you a tour.” He followed her through to the kitchen.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“She really likes you.” Kathryn washed the dishes quickly and set them in the strainer.

“You sound surprised by that.” He chuckled softly. “It's rumored that I can be quite charming at times.”

Kathryn laughed and felt a blush color her cheeks.

“Well I would call that more than a rumor.” She smiled over her shoulder at him. “But I don't mean that she's charmed by you. I mean she actually likes you. That's more than I can say about her feelings for most people, my father especially.”

“She mentioned that he wasn't a favorite of hers.” Kathryn realized she was still nervous under his gaze and she wondered when that would go away. If he had been anyone else she would have just handed him a dish towel, the thought of assigning him a task, especially such a menial task, seemed almost comical and Kathryn had to work to keep from laughing out loud at the vision. She moved a little more quickly to finish.

“She told you he was beneath my mother, didn't she?” Kathryn turned to face him again and she saw surprise flicker across his face. “She tells everyone that. Come on, I'll give you the tour. It's not as big as your retreat I'm afraid.” Kathryn led him through the house, and while she talked a little about each room she kept her voice low so as not to disturb the sleeping members of the household. She ended their tour in the sitting room and was drawn to the painting again. He stood behind her, his arms around her shoulders, Kathryn leaned back against his chest.

“I'll be out of place.” She said softly.

“Why is that?” He spoke quietly.

“It's so different. The others don't have a background like this, and then there's the fact that she – I – look like a marble statue. Not to mention the whole 'Kathryn among the Claudias and Dusillas' thing.” She sighed softly, relaxing against him.

“Perhaps she'll use your middle name.” Kathryn stiffened and closed her eyes for a moment.

“Did she tell you my middle name?” She asked.

“No. She suggested I ask you.”

Kathryn shook her head slightly.

“It doesn't suit me. I'm just glad Mother put her foot down when she did.” She rested her head against his arm. He leaned close to her ear.

“Tell me.” The soft note of command wasn't lost on Kathryn, but she was pretty sure he knew it wouldn't be.

“It's Vespasia.” She said, trying not to grit her teeth.

“After the Emperor Vespasian.” Kathryn thought she detected a note of surprise in his voice. “He was a soldier for most of his career.” She heard the slight change in tone that made it sound more like he was talking about a memory than something he had read. She knew that wasn't possible but it always struck her. “Nero was deposed by the military in 68 AD, and after him there were three other emperors, four total in the space of a year. When Vespasian ascended the Empire was held together by threads after civil wars and teetered on the edge of bankruptcy because Nero had frittered away the wealth of the treasury for his own personal amusement. Under anyone else it might not have survived at all. Before he died he had restored order and discipline to the army, restored the finances Nero's avarice had drained away-” Kathryn laughed softly. “What?”

“It sounds like you had lunch with him a week ago.” She thought she felt his arm tighten for a moment, but the soft rumble of his chuckle made her think she was imagining it.

“No, but I have been reading 'De vita Caesarum'.”

“Tacitus?” Kathryn asked, trying to place the work.

“Suetonius.” He replied, she nodded. “Why do you think the name doesn't suit you?”

Kathryn thought about how to best explain it.

“It's too grand for me. Grandmother's fits because she's so regal in her own way. Everyone who knew my mother just called her Avi, but she had that bearing too. I'm so ordinary. It's like calling the upstairs maid Molly the Great, it just doesn't sound right.” He kissed her temple softly.

“You don't see yourself the way others see you.” He said simply. “You're tired, why don't you go relax for a bit.”

“What about you?” The last thing she wanted was to be alone at that moment.

“It sounds like the wind is quieter now, I want some air. I'll join you in a bit.”

Kathryn knew his mind was made up by the tone in his voice. She turned, stood on her tiptoes and kissed him softly. “I'm sorry I've been so distant.” His arms tightened around her.

“You've been on edge. Go relax.” He kissed her lightly and walked into the hall. Kathryn trotted after him.

“Wait, if you're going out you'll need a key to get back in.” Kathryn took a ring with two keys on it out of her bag. “It's the one with the red tape.” He kissed her lightly, pulled his coat on and left quietly. She turned the lock and went up to bed.