Ursa Major, Ursa Minor

Chapter Three:

“I can’t afford this go se, Mal. I sent my last cut to my ma…”

Mal looked up from the row of shoes he’d been eyeing. “You can pay me back after this job,” he said.

Jayne resisted the urge to tug on the collared shirt as the seamstress (cute little thing, she is) adjusted the hem of his pant cuffs.

“You’re a tough shape to fit, Mr. Cobb,” she said as she buttoned up his dark red waistcoat and tied his bowtie for him. “The jacket is going to take a while.”

“Anyplace he can get a shave while we wait?” Mal asked.

Jayne paled.

The seamstress gave that sweet dimpled grin again and nodded. “Sure is. Next vendor down can clean him up.”

“Can’t I change back into my own gorram clothes?” Jayne whined.

Both turned to look at him—uncomfortable and grumpy and liable to completely ruin what he was wearing without meaning to. “Probably a better idea if you do,” said Mal.

Jayne started stripping without any regards to his captain or the nice lady who had been trying to find clothing to accommodate his frame.

Mal groaned and covered his eyes with one hand.

“Jayne! Remember that rule I’ve got for you?!””

He could hear the mercenary unzip his trousers. “Which one?”

“The ‘not bein’ naked’ one! Gorramnit, Jayne!”

The sound of cloth again—this time soft cotton and a noisier zipper. “Ya ain’t lookin’! Sides, we ain’t on Serenity.”

Mal risked a look. Jayne was adjusting his gun belt against the side of his cargo cut-offs and trying to pull on his sleeveless black shirt at the same time.

“Yeah, this is gonna go real shiny,” Mal grumbled.

*

River and Zoë were relaxing at the bar playing a game of tall card with Inara and Kaylee—having already picked out the dresses they’d be wearing and now waiting impatiently for the captain and Jayne to return. Simon made a comment about dressing up the untrained man-ape gone wrong thing in a monkey suit and snickered at the irony. River, still considering her cards and what chore she would ante, punched her brother in the hip as he passed her.

“I feel like a gorram teenager,” came from the front entrance.

Mal laughed. “Lil’ albatross?” he called out.

River abandoned her cards and stood at attention. “Yessir?”

“Head up to the ship and get ‘er warmed up for take-off.”

She dropped her cards and ran off to Serenity without even a glance at Jayne (who was holding both hands over his mouth).

Mal was still laughing when he dragged Jayne over to the chair River had vacated. He plopped a glass of whiskey in front of his merc. “Sit down, you big moron.”

“Jest don’ feel right,” Jayne growled through his hands.

Kaylee leaned in real close to examine the big man. “Jayne, you get a haircut?”

Inara leaned in as well. “And is it styled?”

“You tryin’ to look sly, Jayne?” Zoë teased.

His hands dropped away from his mouth and he snarled at her. “I ain’t sly, Zoë! And I sure as shit ain’t tryin’ to look like I am!”

Kaylee gasped, dove halfway across his lap, and involuntarily grabbed Jayne’s bare cheeks. “Ni de ruo shuai!”

Inara’s jaw dropped. “Jayne?”

He was scowling and shoving at Kaylee’s hands. “Don’t you say nothin’, Nara.”

“I was just… It just… Kaylee’s right. You do look…” Inara was blushing. “You do look very handsome.”

Jayne stood abruptly and rubbed at his bare chin. Zoë didn’t think she’d ever seen him turn that red before—she took pity on him and lightly touched his arm. “Calm down, Jayne.”

Mal finally finished his laughing fit. “Yeah, stow it. This works perfect for our job. You look half-respectable. No one’d expect you to be a part of robbin’ some fancy shindig. Now all we gotta do is work on your talk.”

Inara grinned suddenly, feeling a project coming on. “I can help with that, Mal.”

Jayne knocked back the glass of whiskey in one go and scowled.

Simon was hanging back—that stupefied expression opening his mouth while the fingers of his right hand fluttered across his face in that nervous way of his. “My brain is just… not processing right now. This is Jayne Cobb, right?”

“’Course it’s gorram me! Ye soo, doc, ya ain’t gotta make it sound like I’m nothin’.”

Inara intervened. “Stop dropping the ‘g’s in your words.”

Jayne, successfully diverted from busting Simon’s head open, looked down on the smaller woman. “Ya mean I should start talkin’… Talking like ya… I mean, you?”

Inara grinned. “Shi,” she nodded.

Jayne sat back down and sighed roughly. As he tried to relax, River returned from her preliminary warm up of Serenity and stopped halfway to the table to gape at the mercenary’s change in appearance. Her heart beat painfully in her chest to the point where she considered asking Simon (who stood beside her) to check and see what was wrong with her

Jayne was speaking again. “Well, Nara, I listen to the way you talk—all fancily with big words and such. That ain—isn’t me, but I was born with the know-how to adapt.”

Kaylee punched his arm. “Ya sure do know how ta weld real good! Even on my girl.”

“Him?!” Simon gawked.

“Sure, bao bei! Jayne helped me out with a coolant leak a few months back and now he’s got that part of the engine workin’ smooth as butter. Never seen a better weld job. I ain’t needed to touch it for nothin’ since,” Kaylee said.

River moved away from her brother (her heart racing against her breast) and leaned down to look crookedly at Jayne’s smooth face. “This is also as smooth as butter…”

“Knock it off, River-girl,” Jayne lightly swatted her questing hand away. He cleared his throat and glanced around at the crew—everyone was staring at him. “Does everyone gotta be buggin’ me right now?” he groused.

Simon, Zoë and Kaylee left the bar—each of them mumbling something about working on “something somewhere else” on the ship (far away from Jayne). River lingered.

“Strange,” she admitted.

“What is, little witch?” asked Mal.

She made a contemplative face, ran her fingertip along Jayne’s shaven chin, and disappeared herself back to the ship with her heart still pounding restlessly.

“Guai yi,” Jayne murmured. “What was that all about?” he asked his captain.

Mal shrugged. “Huh.”

Inara sat beside Jayne at the table. “How long do I have to change Jayne here into a gentleman?” she asked Mal.

“Two days.”

“Ai ya tian ah…” Inara cursed. She grabbed the whiskey Jayne had been pouring for himself and drained the glass. “That isn’t much time!” she complained with a cough.

TBC

Translations:
Go se: shit/literally “dog shit”
Ni de ruo shuai: You are very handsome (loose translation)
Shi: Yes
Bao bei: Sweetheart
Guai yi: Weird
Ai ya, tian ah: Goddamn (loose translation)