Secret Admirer

Ronon lay in bed struggling with a most unsettling problem. A light sheen of sweat glistened on his face and chest as he stared at the ceiling of his room and tried to will away his dilemma. It frustrated him that he had such immense control over every aspect of his person except for this.

He had been having a pleasurable dream about a dark-haired woman that stirred his long-dead heart but remained just out of his reach. She was regal and soft but a warrior at heart. All things he secretly longed for in a potential mate but never found even with his beloved Milena. He had safeguarded his heart well after losing everything and everyone that he loved yet when he saw her in his visions, he could feel it beat hard against his ribcage.

The woman in his dream casually interacted with him but didn’t devour him with the hungry eyes he had grown accustomed to when he was around the female contingent of Atlantis. Ronon was comfortable with his ability to please a woman sexually and knew he was appealing to the eye of females.

Yet he had been worried about being intimate with any one since he stopped running. He had become more primal than he was before, when he was still on Sateda. He found himself uncomfortable with the thought of accidentally hurting an Earth woman or causing her to reject him for his unfamiliarity with their ways.

He had lost the simple things in life that people took for granted. He had heard mention that his table manners were barbaric from personnel that were unaware of his sensitive hearing. Several women joked that they hoped he ate everything with the same vigor that he used when he consumed his meal.

He had barely spoken a word to anyone in 7 years and the Atlanteans and Athosians took it as rude or secretive now that he was amongst them. Simple conversation didn’t come to him easily anymore. Everything he knew was gone and he has been in the position of learning how to interact with a whole new society for over a year now. The people around him tended to forget that just because he looked like them he was, in fact, an alien.

Until recently, he had spent all his time reconciling the pain of his loss and the horrifying experience of becoming a plaything to the creatures that destroyed his world. After his new friends came to his aid on Sateda, he had come to see these people as a family. He would sacrifice anything for any of them. He just had to learn how to be one of them.

As many times as he had run into his mystery woman in his dream, he could not discern her identity until he woke up. She was lying in his arms, draped across his chest with one of her legs between his. It felt right to wake up with her pressed against his body and he felt a stirring deep within that he hadn’t experienced in 8 long years.

His breath hissed when her knee gently pressed against his groin and he clenched his eyes when he felt himself harden. Elizabeth wiggled a lot in her sleep. The pressure she applied to his shaft was heaven and hell. His breath came in deep gasps as she squirmed against his length.

He could sense that she was waking due to the uncomfortable swell of his cock pressing into her abdomen. His grip tightened on her back and waist to conceal his embarrassment as her eyes began to flutter. He was unsure if the spell of terror wore off from last night and if she would be uncomfortable to wake up in this position with him. He was sure she would be humiliated to see the effect she was having on his body though.

He focused on her blinking eyes feeling vulnerable while waiting to see how she would react. Her eyes strayed up to meet his and a soft smile graced her lips. “Good morning.” His voice sounded strained to his own ears and he inwardly cursed his body for sending all his blood flow south. “Did you sleep well?”

“It has been so long that I don’t remember a time when I had such a good night’s sleep.” Her eyes drifted closed and her smile was genuine for the first time in months. She snuggled into his warmth and heard him try to suppress a groan. Her eyes snapped back to his and concern filled their depths as she gazed at his tense face. “Am I hurting you?”

“No.” He hissed out from between his tight lips.

“You probably didn’t get a minute of sleep with me laying all over you like this.” She began to blush and tried to roll to the side but his hands kept her firmly in place. “Ronon, how did I end up…draped all over you in the first place?”

“You had a nightmare shortly after you fell asleep. I just thought…you’d feel safer in my arms.” His voice turned uncharacteristically quiet under the scrutiny of her eyes. “You seemed to settle…after I…began to hold you. I’m sorry if I overstepped my bounds.”

“Please don’t be sorry. Apparently you were correct because I feel much better.” She stretched sinuously against him, felt a hard object push against her stomach, and heard his strangled groan. “Oh…” Her eyes widened as a flush of embarrassment colored her skin. “Ronon…”

“Don’t move.” He clenched his eyes and held her to him when she tried to move away. She watched with rapt attention as his bare chest heaved with every labored breath. He focused all his willpower into controlling his body’s baser instincts and after several long minutes he found it was useless. “Elizabeth…” He averted his gaze as he rolled her off his chest and rose swiftly from the bed. “I’m sorry.”

She watched him stride quickly into the bathroom and flinched when he slammed the door behind him. She clutched the pillow he had used to her chest and buried her face in it. The man had an exotic scent that made her involuntarily tingle all the way to her toes. Her eyes drifted to the door when she heard some muffled curses come from within.

Elizabeth bit her bottom lip as she thought about what she could have possibly done to upset him so. His current…predicament was a natural function in a man. Maybe he was just embarrassed or maybe…he was upset it happened because of her. They had a working relationship but that didn’t mean he found her attractive or thought of her in that way.

She was so deep in thought she barely registered the sound of the shower running. Her life had been in such turmoil for the past couple of months and, added to her traumatic encounter last night, she wasn’t thinking clearly.

Her mind was racing with images of Ronon coming to her rescue. She could still feel the gentleness with which he carried her to his room. Her skin was still warm from being pressed against his throughout the night. Now she had driven him from his bed and she wondered when she had become so needy of Ronon Dex.

It took a lot to break Elizabeth Weir and she suddenly realized with much sadness that it had finally happened. She was broken and her lifeline came from a totally unexpected source. “Ronon.” His name escaped her in a choked sob as tears welled in her eyes. Her eyes darted around his room and took in how Spartan it was. He was a private man and didn’t express his feelings with words or material things.

He showed them with his actions and he just ran away from her like she was the plague.

She had invaded his privacy with her fear and needs and he was well known for keeping his space from those around him.

“Shit.” She clenched her eyes and brought his pillow to her face once again. Her tears darkened the burgundy case that covered it. She placed it to the side, kicked off the cover, and rose from the bed. Her blurry eyes tried to locate her clothing until she realized that she had left them in the bathroom.

She glanced at the door briefly before she smoothed her hands over the shirt he had given her. It hung down to mid-thigh and would have to suffice until she reached her quarters. Her body shuddered at the thought of going back there but she couldn’t bear to be a burden to Ronon any longer.

She walked into his sitting room and stopped as she reached the door to his quarters. The rest of Atlantis was outside this door. Her tormentor was outside this door. She felt sick when she thought of going out there. But in here, she was Ronon’s tormentor and she couldn’t stomach the idea of causing him any more discomfort while he was still recovering from his ordeal on Sateda.

With a shaky hand, she accessed the control to his door and stepped out into the hall. She turned to the left and made it about twenty feet towards her quarters before her vision shifted. The corridor appeared to lengthen and snap back to normal several times until clenched her eyes.

She sagged against the wall as her anxiety began to build within her and she was on the verge of hyperventilating. A strong hand gripped her bicep and whipped her around. “Where the hell do you think you’re going?” His other hand clutched her right arm to keep her from sinking to the floor. “Elizabeth!”

She forced her eyes open and focused past her tears to see Ronon’s concerned face. She couldn’t bring herself to speak through the quick gasps of air she was dragging into her lungs. A wave of dizziness washed over her causing her knees to buckle and she felt her feet leave the ground.

Ronon swept Elizabeth up in his arms and quickly carried the panicked woman back into in his quarters. He sat down on the bed and cradled her shaking body in his lap. “It’s okay.” He whispered into her hair as he ran his hand over her arm in a soothing motion. “Calm down. I’ve got you now.”

He rocked her gently back and forth for several minutes until her breathing returned to normal. “Are you feeling better?” She nodded her head sullenly as she wiped her eyes. “What was that?”

“Panic attack, I think.” She sniffled and took a couple of deep, slow breaths to steady herself. “The closer I got to my quarters the worse it got. I’ve never had one of those before.”

“Why did you even attempt to go to your quarters?” He picked her up, set her beside him, and knelt in front of her to look in her downcast eyes. “I am responsible for your safety. You are not supposed to go anywhere without me.”

“I have burdened you long enough, Ronon.” She ran her gaze from his bare feet, up his long legs and chiseled chest to finally look in his eyes. Water glistened all over his golden skin and dripped from his locks. A white towel was wrapped around his waist and Elizabeth found herself feeling faint once again but from a far better source. “I don’t want to intrude on your privacy.” She felt her emotions rise within her and her eyes began to water against her will. “I find myself feeling awfully needy of you and this vulnerability is not something I am accustomed to.”

“You are far from a burden and I am the one that suggested you stay here.” His voice was a balm to her damaged soul and she felt her tension bleed from her. “Elizabeth, there is nothing wrong with feeling vulnerable. Someone has been playing with your mind for months now. It would take a toll on anyone. I think it is amazing that you held up this long all by yourself.”

“You lasted 7 years by yourself.” She laid her hand on his that rested on her knee and rubbed it soothingly. “I think you are an amazing man for making it through all of that for so long.”

“Thank you but thanks to you and Sheppard I am not alone anymore. And I don’t mind you needing me.” He gave her a small smile before he looked at her in curiosity. “Why did you feel it necessary to run away while I was in the shower?”

And there it was.

The tension came back as his hazel eyes bore into hers with a confused look. He had all the appearances of being hurt and Elizabeth couldn’t fathom why. “I think my presence has made you uncomfortable. I know you prefer to keep to yourself.” She forced her eyes to her lap to prevent them from roaming over the expanse of his exposed flesh. “I know you are still coming to terms with your experience on Sateda. I don’t wish to add to your problems.”

“Why do you think you make me uncomfortable?”

“You seemed upset with me earlier.” She spoke so softly most people wouldn’t have heard it even if they were as close as Ronon. “You left the bed so suddenly and…I heard you in the bathroom. I don’t know what I did but I am sorry.”

“It isn’t what you think, Elizabeth.” He was floored that she seemed distressed by his withdrawing from her earlier. Ronon had caught Elizabeth staring at him during briefings before but she always had a curious or soft look in her eyes depending on the direction of the conversations. He never recognized a look of that kind of interest before. Now she was hurt by his actions and he was left to explain himself. “It is just that…”

“I didn’t mean to embarrass you by rubbing against you like that.” She cut him off quickly as she began to ramble. “I wasn’t trying to tease you or anything. I was just comfortable in your arms but I think…I overstepped my bounds. I feel safe when you are around but I think I went too far. I mean we work together and you took it upon yourself to protect me. Damn. I feel like I took advantage of you and I wasn’t even aware I was doing it.”

“Are you finished?” He leveled his amused eyes at her with a smirk on his face. “I have never met a woman who talks as much as you. It is kind of cute because you are turning an interesting shade of red. Elizabeth, I enjoyed waking up with you in my arms. It felt good…too good apparently.”

“I thought maybe you weren’t interested in me and was upset that I…coaxed that reaction out of you.”

“You are a very attractive woman and it didn’t take much coaxing.” He smirked to lighten the mood and got a small smile out of her. “It’s just that…”

“What?”

“I haven’t felt like that in over 8 years. Between the war on Sateda and running from the Wraith, I never had time to find a woman to share myself with.” His eyes darted back and forth from her shocked face. “After I settled here, I have not trusted myself to explore that kind of relationship with anyone.”

“Oh! Okay.” Her eyes widened and her blush deepened to crimson. Her hands fidgeted in her lap as she nervously chewed her bottom lip. “It is just that from all the talk I’ve overheard from the women on the base I had assumed that you…”

“No.” His deep voice startled her into silence and her eyes narrowed on his index finger that pointed at her. “Whatever they might be saying is not true. I have been reluctant to be with anyone here for personal reasons and I have not met a female worthy enough to get me to fight my instincts.”

He placed a finger over her lips when she tried to speak and shook his head. “I do not know how you feel, Elizabeth, but I have been thinking about you for some time now. You are a remarkable female and I would be interested in exploring our friendship. I want to know the real you and finally be able to show someone the real me.”

“I don’t want you to say anything else on this matter right now.” He saw the uncertainty creep into her eyes and feared rejection from the first woman he found that enticed him to open up. “If you decide to reciprocate my feelings, I want to know that it is not due to the ordeal you are going through right now. I will understand if your attraction is because of my position as your protector but I can hope that it is from within.” He removed his finger, smiled at her gaping mouth, and stood. “I’m going to get dressed and then I will have someone bring us some food.”

“Okay.” She nodded with wide eyes fixed on him. He had clearly stunned her by saying he had feelings for her and she didn’t know how to respond. She was vaguely aware of the fact that she was still nodding her head.

“What would you like to do after we eat?” He called over his shoulder as he walked into the bathroom.

“How about some training?” She smiled when he poked his head out from behind the door with a grin. “I want to learn how to fight.” Her expression darkened as she thought on her vulnerability and how easily her attacker incapacitated her. She didn’t ever want to feel that way again. “Will you teach me to defend myself?”

“I’d love to.”

~*~

“Of all the people for her to take an interest in, it has to be that barbaric alien!” He had seen her leave Ronon’s quarters dressed only in one of his shirts and waited for the opportunity to follow her to her room. He got enraged when the Satedan interrupted his plan by carrying her back. “Son of a bitch is going to regret this.”

~*~