Time, Death & Scar Tissue...

26. I Feel….

Kathryn bounced down the stairs in her running clothes and found her iPod in her handbag. They had been at the house for several days now and she found herself feeling much better than she did when they arrived. She was rested and even though the bruises were still there, they had begun to heal, in short, being still was no longer what she needed. She slipped the iPod into her armband carrier and pulled on her sweatshirt. She adjusted the cord from the ear buds to come through the neck of the shirt. Her hand was on the door handle when she heard him coming down the stairs.

“Going somewhere, Kathryn?” She turned and smiled to see him wearing the sapphire blue cashmere turtleneck she had given him. It wasn't a color he would have chosen for himself, but as soon as she saw it the shade made her think of his eyes. She was pleased to see how well it suited him.

“Just out for a run, I feel like I need some exercise. I told Anna in case you came down after I left.” She waited for him to get to the bottom of the stairs and kissed him softly. In a way, she had hoped to leave before he came down, just to avoid this conversation. In the city she agreed her regimen was probably not safe, so she had joined a twenty-four hour gym with an indoor track. She could tell that he still wasn't happy about her running alone, and he wasn’t happy about her running with Corey, but he hadn't been able to come up with any more credible objections either.

“I know, she told me. Do you think it's wise to go running in the dark when you don't know the area?” He stroked her cheek softly.

“Well, you said your access road is about a mile and three quarters. I think I can manage to follow a road straight out and straight back without getting into too much trouble.” She kept her tone light, but even though his expression hadn't changed she could tell he wasn't satisfied with the answer. She wasn’t satisfied with the fact that Anna had informed on her either, but she knew she was going to have to let that go.

“You know I dislike you running alone at night.” His hand rested lightly on her shoulder, his finger stroked the side of her neck. It was a familiar gesture, and it usually meant that he was trying to convince her of something or change her mind.

“I know, but this isn't the city. There's no one around for miles out here, I'm not going onto the highway and you said the gate is always closed and locked.” She was trying to sound reasonable, but she didn't like where this was going. Kathryn hated to disagree with him, it only got them both upset and she never won anyway.

“That doesn't change how I feel about it Kathryn.” His tone was calm, but that didn't surprise her, he rarely raised his voice to her in anger.

“Then come with me.” Her eyes fixed on his.

“Kathryn-” She recognized the slight change of tone but didn't back down.

“Lucien.” Her own voice holding her frustration, she could see his surprise at hearing it. “I don't know how you stay in such fantastic shape, but I need exercise or I'll get flabby. If I could go to the gym I would, but out here that isn't an option.” His eyes were on hers, appraising the situation and weighing her words. Finally, he kissed her forehead softly.

“We'll discuss this further when you return.” He said. Kathryn didn't hear it as a threat really, but she knew she hadn't heard the last of the subject. For whatever reason she still hadn't been able to clearly label or understand she hated going against his obvious wishes, and she was usually willing to compromise. Her health and how she felt about her body was not up for discussion or compromise though.

“Thank you.” She squeezed his hand and turned on the music. Kathryn walked quickly through the house and started a long, easy stride once she got out into the chilly night.

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LaCroix followed, of course. He knew that she was essentially right. There was probably nothing out here that would hurt her, but “probably” had never been a word that he put a great deal of faith in. Her presence in his life and on the periphery of the community had been noticed, although no one would dare question his relationship with her. Being one of very few remaining ancients and arguably the most feared had its privileges. His status was a double edged sword for her though. Anyone who was bold enough, or foolish enough, to strike at him would use her to do it. Losing her now wasn't something he even allowed himself to contemplate. To have her brought across and allied to another by blood was equally unthinkable.

High above her, he was impressed with the pace she set for herself and the ease with which she maintained it. He smiled a bit in spite of his dark musings. He had to admit that he liked her body as it was. Her firm muscles gave her body a softly curving definition that was missing from many very slim women. And, if he was honest with himself, the feeling of those firm muscles under her silky skin when she wrapped her legs around him and drew him deeper into her core was one of his favorite sensations. LaCroix knew he enjoyed her body, but he hadn't thought of the care that went into maintaining a mortal body in good physical condition in quite some time.

Kathryn would be in sight of the house in a few minutes and he went back inside to wait for her to find him. Precisely what he would say when she did wasn't obvious but he wanted the matter settled before the sun rose again. Time with her was too precious to him to waste it in trivial disagreement.

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Kathryn sat in the tub, washing the sweat out of her hair. It was much easier when he was with her but she was getting more used to managing her hair without a shower. One of these days she would have to try and convince him that having one wouldn't be such a bad idea, but tonight was not the night to have that conversation. She hadn't bothered to turn on the jets or to fill the tub as completely as she would have if she thought he might join her for a leisurely soak. They frequently had serious discussions in the tub, but she got the impression that this would not be one of those discussions.

The house had been absolutely silent when she returned. She had considered looking for him immediately, but decided to catch her breath and clean up a bit first. It had given her an excuse to put off the inevitable. He had never given her reason to be afraid of him, and even though she could tell that he made other people uneasy she still felt completely safe in his presence. She knew that it was more discomfort at having ignored his expressed desire. Kathryn had been polishing her technique for getting her own way for as long as she could remember, and it using those techniques had never given her so much as a twinge of guilt. There was something about him that made her hesitant about it though. Maybe one day she would understand her feelings. For the moment, she was going to have to think of something to say.

Kathryn slipped into a gray tank top and pulled a matching sweater over it. She pulled on her favorite pair of black jeans and then dried her hair. She fussed with it for awhile and finally decided to leave it loose around her shoulders, he seemed to like it best when she wore it down anyway. After fussing with it for a few more minutes she found she had no more reason to remain closeted in the bathroom. She sighed and began to wander silently through the house in her bare feet.

She started out moving at her normal pace, though with each place she went and didn't find him she found that she was moving more slowly. Finally, in the glassed in part of the conservatory she stopped and tried to gather her thoughts. She was shivering a bit as she stared at the path of the Milky Way across the sky. He gripped her upper arms lightly from behind and she gasped, turning quickly. He pulled her close and she snuggled against his chest.

“You changed your scent.” He said softly. She smiled, always amazed at how he noticed even the most subtle changes.

“Yes. Do you like it?” Her voice was more tentative than she expected it would be.

“It's lovely. What's it called?” His fingers moved lightly through her hair.

“Perfect Bliss.” Kathryn sighed and pressed a little closer, but proximity didn't keep a little shiver from down her spine. “I guess I was feeling hopeful when I put it on.”

“It suits you. You shouldn't be barefoot on this stone floor though. Come into the library.” Kathryn allowed him to lead her with his hand on the narrowest part of her waist. She was only partially surprised to see that the room was lit softly by the fire and a few scattered candles. She had noticed how bright lights seemed to bother him. He pulled her down next to him in a large, overstuffed chair in front of the fireplace. Kathryn put her head on his shoulder and slowly felt the tension slipping away. For several long, silent minutes he just held her.

“Were you hiding from me, my Kathryn?” He finally asked softly.

“No.” She said quietly. “I was looking for you, but I didn't know what to say so I just kind of stopped to collect my thoughts for a few minutes.” Kathryn squirmed and she caught her lower lip between her teeth, despite her best efforts to be still.

“Did you enjoy your run?” He asked, one hand stroked her back gently.

“Yes. No. I don't know.” She sighed and pressed a little closer against him. “It's confusing.”

“Why? Were your injuries protesting?” She could tell from his subtle shift in tone that he already knew the answer to that question, but he wanted to hear her say it. Sometimes Kathryn wished she didn't read him so well.

“No, physically I felt fine. It's confusing because part of me feels like I should be apologizing and part of me feels like I have nothing to apologize for.” She sighed softly.

“I know you're willful Kathryn, but I'm not accustomed to being defied.” She could tell that she had upset him, even though his voice was soft.

“I know, and I don't want to fight with you over something as silly as a run. Fighting with you at all always feels wrong, to do it over something trivial makes it worse.” Her body was tense. “I feel like you were asking me to do something that I'm not able to do, though. I can't ignore my health.”

He rubbed her lower back softly and she wondered how he always knew where she was most tense.

“We will come to an arrangement while we're here. You mentioned the city, are you anxious to go back?” Kathryn relaxed against him, relishing the soft feeling of the sweater and his firm body underneath it.

“I'm not anxious to go anywhere really. It's weird, getting home was all I used to think about. It didn't matter where I was or who I was with either, I just wanted to be home. When I was home I didn't realize how empty it was.”

“And now?” He lifted her chin and she noticed the unusual way the soft light glinted off his eyes, she squirmed next to him.

“Now,” She swallowed hard and tried to gather her courage. “Now I think I could be anywhere in the world and feel at home if you were there too.”

He was silent for a moment and she turned away, moving quickly to get up.

“I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said-” He held her tightly and his mouth came down firmly on hers, his intent immediately clear. She moaned and arched under him, her tongue caressing his softly. Her hands moved under his sweater and he slid his arms out of it, shedding it as she pulled hers and the tank top over her head.

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LaCroix looked down at Kathryn's naked form as she snuggled next to him. The firelight played over her pale curves, highlighting a new area each time she shifted. She wasn't quite sleeping, but she was comfortably drifting after her release. He softly licked the wounds on her shoulder and a little shiver coursed through her. The depth of her pleasure always added a certain richness to her blood, but that wasn't the only reason he enjoyed these moments so much. She was always so unguarded right after and the self-consciousness that usually plagued her was suppressed for a few precious moments.

This time there was more though. She hadn't said that she loved him earlier, in the end she hadn't needed to. It was in her blood along with her passion and her relaxation. He had been avoiding the word, even in his own thoughts. It had brought him nothing but pain and misfortune in the past. He told himself that he cared for her, that he was fond of her, that he was accustomed to her presence, that he relished her closeness and was comfortable with her ability to read him so clearly. Now he had to admit it to himself, he loved her. Telling her was something he wasn't ready to do yet and he hoped that she wouldn't ask him to. He knew his inability to voice it would hurt her.

She shivered against him and he laid the sweater he had been wearing over her. The color had surprised him, but even though he wouldn't have chosen it for himself he was pleased at how well it suited him.