Seeds of Jealousy

Dee



I can hear voices but as I am about to open my eyes I hear the voice of the man I have come to love.



“When should she wake up? I can’t keep telling our daughter every night that we have to leave her here until she wakes up,” Brian says.



“And the twins are going to need their mother.”



Oh, no, it’s that damn blond. Justin is here, too. I continue to lie there, feigning unconsciousness as I wait for the doctor’s reply.



“There’s no way to tell when she’ll wake up or what she’ll remember when she does. Justin, as someone who’s had a head injury of this magnitude, you know better than anyone what it can do to the memory. You lost the whole prom because of an injury similar to the one Dee has suffered. I realize you got it back after some time, but you were lucky in that respect. It doesn’t always happen that way.”



“Yes, I know,” I hear Justin’s voice respond. “You’re thinking that the same thing could happen to Dee? That she might not remember the crash?”



“I’m just saying there’s no way to tell until she wakes up, but yes, she could suffer some memory loss, possibly just concerning the crash, but perhaps maybe weeks, months, even years prior to it.”



I hear his words and think about what I do remember. Though the details of the actual accident are sketchy, everything prior to that is intact. I really should open my eyes and let them know that I’m OK.



“What if she doesn’t remember some things?” Brian asks.



“The course of treatment varies with each patient,” the doctor explains. “In Dee’s case, with her blood pressure and the mood swings you say she’s been exhibiting, I’d advise you not to push the memory issue. If there are things she doesn’t seem to know, it’s best to let her try to remember on her own.”



I feel Brian’s hand on my arm and I want to reach out and touch him, but I also want to hear what else the doctor has to say.



“For how long?” Justin asks.



“The answer to that will depend a great deal on her frame of mind when she wakes up,” he answers. “If she’s agitated with the inability to remember, it may necessitate seeking out other options to help her recover what she can. If she’s relatively stable with what she does remember, it’s best to let nature take its course.” He checks my vitals before talking again. “Of course, long term memory loss is just one possible outcome. She could wake up completely fine, or the effects may not last long at all.”



I won’t need long, only long enough for Brian to realize I’m what he wants, what he needs. He will have to pretend to do what I want. Justin will have to move out. I know if I can get Brian alone for a while, he’ll finally figure out that he loves me. By the time I tell them that I remember, Brian won’t want Justin anymore, he won’t want to leave me. We’ll file for full custody of the twins and we’ll finally be able to live like the real family I always knew we could be.



Yes, this is a miracle.



“I hope she remembers,” Brian whispers.



“Me, too.” Justin is closer to Brian now, I can tell by their voices that they’re standing right by my bed.



“I’m going to go check on my other patients. If you need me, have the nurse page me.” He leaves the room as I hear Brian and Justin move away. I open my eyes just enough to see them standing by the window.



“Brian, she’ll be okay, she’s strong.” Justin wraps an arm around Brian who turns his head for a kiss.



“I know. I just hope she wakes up soon for the kids.” He looks so upset. “Brianna misses her, Justin. She can’t lose her mother.”



“I know, but you heard what the doctor said. It’s no longer a matter of if she’ll wake up, but when.” Leave it to Justin to see the brighter side.



How will I get rid of him? If I claim not to remember that they’re together, how will I explain his presence in our lives? Just as the question enters my mind, I hear the door open and in walks my answer.



“How is she?” Michael asks them.



“Still sleeping,” Justin replies.



“Good, she needs her beauty sleep.” I hear a few giggles. “Sorry, you looked like you needed a laugh. What did the doctor say?”



“He doesn’t really know yet. She may have some memory loss like I did,” Justin says, looking to Brian who looks at me. I quickly close the one eyelid I had partially open.



“Maybe she’ll forget she was being a bitch,” Michael says.



He’ll pay for that comment.



As I listen to their rambling I think about what I will do. By the time I’m ready to put my plan in action, I have come up with the perfect way to make both Justin and Michael pay.



Slowly, I open my eyes and focus right on Brian. “Bri…” I cough out. “Brian”



“Dee, oh my God. I am so glad to see you awake.” He reaches for the remote to call the nurse in.



“What happened?” I stutter out.



“Do you remember anything?” he asks me.



“Only bits and pieces,” I tell him. “Flashes of things.” I frown slightly. “Was there an accident?”



“Yes,” Brian says simply.



“The kids! Are they okay? Are our kids okay?” I know they are but to make it look good I start to sit up. “Ouch,” I cry out, lying down once more.



“They are fine. They are with the guys.” He smiles at me.



I look at Justin and Michael. “You guys didn’t have to come here.”



“They were worried about you,” Brian says, stroking my hair.



I frown again as though trying to remember. After a moment, I smile. “You two don’t have to stay. I know you were looking forward to some time alone.”



“What are you talking about?” Michael asks.



I look at Brian uneasily. “Did I say something wrong?”



Brian looks at the other two before smiling at me. “Of course not,” he says. “Tell me what you’re remembering, Dee.”



“Well, Michael is your best friend, right?”



“That’s right.”



“And he has a boyfriend.” I look at the two other men in the room and Michael is nodding his head. “They’re here together and I remember something about Justin wanting some time alone with his partner. That’s you, isn’t it, Michael?”



“Actually,” Michael begins just as the doctor walks in.



“Well, glad to see you awake.” He looks me over. “Do you remember what happened?”



“I remember driving, waiting for Brian to meet us at the hotel. The kids were there, Brianna and the twins, Aidan and Anna, I think. We were pulling out of the hotel when a bus hit us.” I look at Brian with tears in my eyes.



“Do you know these people?” the doctor asks, pointing to the guys.



“Yes that’s my husband’s best friend, Michael and Michael’s boyfriend, Justin. Why are you asking me this?” I look at the doctor. Out the corner of my eye I see Brian and Justin look at each other.



“Are you sure?” Brian asks me.



“I remember Lindsay telling me how long they’ve been together, how in love they are with each other.” I look at him, feigning a confused expression. “Am I wrong?” I start to cry.



“You need to relax, Dee,” Brian tells me.



“What am I doing wrong?” I practically get hysterical and I can see the concerned looks on all their faces.



“Nothing, just rest.” I see him nod his head at Justin and Michael, who walk out the door. Brian and the doctor follow a moment later after the doctor injects something into my IV.



This is going to work perfectly, I think, smiling to myself.



Justin



“What is going on?” I ask, looking from Brian to the doctor and back again.



“It seems Dee has taken the bits of memory she’s managed to retain and skewed them to fit her own beliefs,” the doctor tells us. “She wants to be married to Brian, she remembers saying she is married to him, so now, as far as she’s concerned, it’s true.”



“So why would she suddenly think Justin and I are together?” Michael asks.



“She probably remembers you both have partners but not who they are. Seeing you together, her mind made the logical assumption.” He looks at Brian and me. “From what I understand, your friend Lindsay spent some time with her while she was in hospital. She probably told Dee about your relationship, but since Dee doesn’t realize you’re together at this point, she thinks Lindsay was talking about Justin and Michael.”



“We can’t go along with this, Brian,” I insist. “We live together and Michael has Ben. I don’t want to be without you.”



“Can we tell her, Doc?” Brian asks. “I mean, she already remembers they have partners, so it’s just a matter of telling her that she’s got them mixed up.”



“If you tell her Michael is with Ben, she’ll wonder who Justin’s partner is. We can’t tell her truth about that without upsetting the idea she has that you’re a happily married couple. This must be a strong desire for her in order for her to retain that above all else. I don’t know what losing that might mean for her at this point.”



Brian pulls me close to him but directs his words at the doctor. “Maybe we can say that Mikey and Justin had a fight and Justin has to stay with us for a while.”



“She already knows Michael is your best friend,” the doctor reminds us. “She’d wonder why Justin was staying with you and not Michael.” He takes a breath. “Look, I want some time to research this particular problem. There may be a few things we can try, but in the meantime, I highly suggest you go along with her on this. I know it’s unpleasant but I honestly can’t predict what the truth would do to her in her current state. You’ve told me how irrational she was before the injury, I don’t want to take the chance that telling her could make that worse. I’ve already had to put something in her IV to calm her down after she even suspected she was wrong, knowing the truth might send her completely over the edge.”



“Justin is my partner,” Brian starts to say.



“I understand, but this is the mother of your children,” he states.



That’s when it hits me. “Oh my god, she thinks the twins are Brian’s and hers. They are my kids. How am I supposed to pretend they aren’t? I had to do that through most of her pregnancy and that was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.” I look to Brian who pulls me into a hug.



“Isn’t there another way to do this Doc?” Michael asks.



“I’m afraid not at the moment,” he replies. “Brian and Justin, you can still be together when Dee’s not around, but for her sake, I think it’s best to play along when she is.”



“But, my kids,” I whisper. I turn to the doctor. “She doesn’t even remember their names. It’s Aidan and Justine, not Anna.”



He looks uncomfortable. “It seems perhaps Dee has issues with that name. It’s too close to yours, I suspect. Perhaps her mind couldn’t justify it with what she believes to be her status with Brian and simply came up with one that suited her version of reality better.”



Brian must realize the devastation I’m feeling because he pulls me closer. “Justin, we will make it work. I’ll pretend I’m letting you baby-sit or something. And we’ll find some time to be together while this whole mess is being sorted out, I promise. I will not let this come between us nor let it come between you and the twins. We don’t have to do this,” he says, looking me in the eye.



“Yes we do, for Brianna. If something happens to Dee because of us, Brianna could lose her mother. We will work around this.” I take a deep breath, trying to put on a brave front. “I guess you’ll just have to take lots of business trips, huh?”



I lean into Brian’s chest, trying to hide the tears threatening to spill.



“I guess you’ll have to stay with Mikey for a little while,” Brian says. “Ben can stay with us. We’ll tell Dee he’s an old friend who needs a place to stay.”



I nod my head, looking up at Brian with tear-filled eyes.



Dee



Watching and listening at the door, I realize how much fun it’s going to be bring them down.



Mikey thinks he can fool me. Just wait until you see what I have in store for you all.



By the time all this ends, my ‘memory’ will come back and Brian will still want to be with me, destroying any hope Justin has of them staying together. And maybe I’ll just destroy Mikey and Ben for the fun of it.



Smiling, I crawl back into bed.



Yes, this is going to be perfect. I will have everything I ever dreamed of and more.