Time, Death & Scar Tissue...

23. Wounds of Separation

Kathryn slowly came to realize that someone was speaking to her, and that they were no longer moving. She opened her eyes to see Lucien looking down at her, that little smile playing at the corners of his mouth.

“We've arrived, Kathryn.” He said softly. Her jaw clenched as she moved, trying hard to hide the pain she was in and feeling as though she was failing miserably. It seemed like all of her muscles hurt. The injured ones hurt from the bruises and the uninjured ones hurt from accommodating the injuries. She had no idea why it was so important to her that he not see her so weak, but as she stepped onto the crushed stone it seemed almost critical. She was careful not to grip his proffered hand too tightly. All of her musings about weakness and pain melted away for a moment when she saw the large stone house. When he had said 'retreat' she pictured a small cottage, but this looked like a grand manor house that one would find in the European countryside.

“Do you like it?” He asked. That little smile still tugging at his lips.

“It's,” She found that words failed her as she stared at the house. “It's unbelievable. Is it split into apartments?” She asked. He chuckled.

“I have an apartment in the city. I come here when I want privacy.” He led her up the stone stairs. The large door was opened by an older woman in a conservative navy blue dress. She smiled a little when she saw Kathryn, but the smile didn't reach her sharp eyes.

“Anna, this is Miss Paige.” He said and turned back to Kathryn, helping her out of the cloak and handing it to Anna. “Anna is my housekeeper.”

“I'm pleased to meet you Miss Paige.” The polite smile crept a little further toward her eyes.

“Has everything been prepared as I requested?” He asked, allowing Kathryn to look around the entrance hall. Fresh flowers sat in a crystal bowl on a round table. A grand staircase curved up into darkness. Everywhere her eyes fell there was polished wood, polished stone, art, and understated opulence.

“Of course Sir. Will you need anything further this evening?” She asked.

“No. You may leave if your preparations are finished.” He spoke coolly but Kathryn hardly noticed. She was used to his cold demeanor with those he thought of as subordinates, and it hadn’t taken her long to realize that he thought of just about everyone that way. There were times she wondered how she was lucky enough to get out of that category herself.

“Thank you Sir. Enjoy your evening.” She heard the whisper of Anna's thick-soled shoes on the floor as she withdrew, but her eyes were drawn to a large tapestry. It had the look of age, and the scene that it depicted was medieval, but she wondered how it could be in such good condition. She was about to take a closer look when she felt his hand on her arm lightly.

“You can explore tomorrow night. Tonight I think something to eat and then a hot bath will serve you better than wandering around in here.” Somewhere in the house a clock chimed two. Kathryn was surprised how late it was. She nodded and he led her upstairs, turning on a light and leading her down to the end of the hall to a set of double doors.

“Does Anna live in?” She asked.

“No. She is part of a small staff that comes in evenings when I'm in residence. Most of them are gone by eleven, but Anna stays until everything is taken care of. She also sees to the maintenance of the house when I am in the city. Tonight I wanted to make sure that there was someone here when we arrived.” He opened the doors and led Kathryn into a pitch black room. She shivered a little. Most rooms she had been in were never completely dark. They seemed that way at first, but then eyes adjusted and one could discern shapes and even some details. Not in his rooms though, when his rooms were dark it was as if light suddenly ceased to exist. She closed her eyes and had a sense of space and she could feel him moving around. She reached out for him.

“Nervous my Kathryn?” He touched her cheek lightly and she jumped.

“It's a new place.” She reached out for him again, but her hands found only empty air. She wondered how he moved around so easily in such thick darkness, even familiarity seemed a stretch to her tired mind. She heard a door open, and water come on. She could feel herself breathing faster, finally a light came on. She moved toward him and his arms came around her carefully. This time, Kathryn didn't pull away.

“I missed you so much.” She murmured against his chest. There was a tremor in her voice and she realized that she was shivering.

“I missed you too, my Kathryn.” He whispered against the side of her head. Kathryn felt it as much as she heard it. For a time he simply held her, when he finally stepped back Kathryn looked around the room for the first time. Dark woods, deep greens and touches of golden brown leather met her eyes. She wondered why he bothered with the rest of the house when he had such a spacious sitting room here. The bed was up two stairs and in a curtained alcove. Even though it was set apart, the heavy, carved posts made it the obvious centerpiece of the room. He stroked her cheek lightly and she turned her eyes back to him.

“Do you think you can find comfort here?” She leaned into him again, winced and adjusted her position carefully.

“I find comfort with you. The place is incidental.” She stood on her tiptoes and kissed him. His mouth possessed hers, but very softly. Almost as softly as the first time he kissed her, and it still made her knees weak.

He led her to a small table and she ate two flaky croissants filled with the best chicken salad she had ever tasted, while he sipped a glass of his ever-present red. He asked about her flights and more about her dinner with Arnold and her family. She asked about the goings on at the club and about what he had been reading lately and while she ate they talked comfortably about the small things that seemed trivial, but served as one means of connection between them. When she finished the pineapple juice he set the tray on a small table outside the door. When he came back again he pulled her to her feet and then tugged the hem of her blouse out of her gray pants. She tensed and pulled away when he started to unbutton it.

“I want to satisfy myself that you're not seriously hurt.” His fingers continued, Kathryn shivered and held the blouse closed.

“They're just bruises.” She couldn't bring herself to look at him. “It's humiliating.”

“Who will prevail?” He spoke softly, moving behind her, his hands rested very lightly on her upper arms.

“You’ll only worry, and there’s no reason to.”

“Answer me Kathryn.” The note of command was obvious and she knew that she wasn't going to be able to change his mind. He shoulders slumped forward and she lowered her arms back to her sides. “I want to hear it.” He said softly, one finger stroked either side of her neck.

“You will.” She whispered. He took the blouse from her shoulders she heard the sharp intake of his breath. He unhooked her bra and Kathryn blushed deeply, her hands covering her breasts. She shivered as his cool fingers traced the margins of the deep blue-black bruise that covered her shoulder.

“How hard did he hit you?” He probed the point of her shoulder. His fingers tracing lines of her bones and manipulating her arm gently. Kathryn felt tears slip down her cheeks. She could tell that he was trying not to hurt her, but the bruise made even a soft touch painful.

“I don't know. He plays on his college team, so pretty hard I guess.” Kathryn could hear the tremor in her voice.

“Lie down; I want a better look at your side.” He went to check on the bathwater and she heard him turn it off. She walked up the two steps and laid down carefully with her arm over her breasts, her eyes closed as she struggled not to cry. He sat next to her and brushed her tears away.

“It just looks bad, nothing's broken.” Her voice was small and it trembled as he turned her more onto her side and raised her arm. She knew this one looked worse than her shoulder and it was the more painful of the two. She could hear the fear in her own voice. His brow knitted when he saw the extent of the mark.

“No wonder you pulled away from me.” He said softly. His fingers started probing along her ribs. Kathryn whimpered sharply and pulled away.

“Don't.” She had started to cry and her voice sounded desperate, even to her own ears. “It's just a bruise.”

He brushed her tears away and lifted her chin, looking down into her eyes.

“Kathryn, listen to me, this won’t be as painful as you fear if you relax.” The pitch of his voice hadn’t changed, but it was different somehow. His eyes held hers and he repeated his admonition for her to relax and she felt the worst of the pain recede into a soft gray fog. She attributed it to exhaustion, but in truth she didn’t really care why it happened, it was a welcome relief. As she listened to him speak his fingers moved over her side. They weren't gentle and it seemed like the pain should be worse than it was, but she brushed that aside and concentrated on the sound of his voice and the feeling falling into his eyes. Finally, he helped her sit up and pulled her close, the soft edges of the world sharpened again and the pain hit her. She whimpered sharply and he stroked her back in silence until she calmed again.

“Those are both deep bruises, I'm surprised you have no broken bones. Your family wasn't concerned about this?” Kathryn felt herself starting to relax against him, her body trembled less and she felt as though she was able to catch her breath again.

“I don't know if I would say that, none of them saw it. If my father or Grandmother had known they would have insisted I see a doctor. Is the water ready?”

“Yes.” He said, letting her go slowly. Kathryn hesitated before getting up.

“Are you,” Her voice caught and she blushed deep red. “I mean, will you be joining me?”

“Not just now.” He kissed her uninjured shoulder softly. “I want you to relax a bit first. Your things are in the dressing room to the left, if you need anything.” Kathryn gripped his hand softly before getting up.

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LaCroix would have joined her, but he needed to get better control of his rage first. The part that was directed at the boy would be easy enough to remedy, though it would take planning and a great deal of care to keep his involvement from Kathryn. Killing him would be simple but far too merciful. The kind of planning required to truly make him suffer required more inner stillness than he had at the moment.

The part of his rage that was directed at himself was harder to dispel. He hadn't been there to keep her safe and that was something that he couldn't remedy. The fact that she had no broken bones seemed almost enough to make him believe in miracles, but that fact didn't matter much in the scheme of his guilt.

He had seen worse injuries of course. The battlefield and the training field were not kind places and it was the skill of Roman physicians that kept many of his comrades and later his subordinates alive and marching. From the very beginning he had watched them work with interest, using the knowledge he obtained to care for his own wounds and to make his cruelties more effective. Those lessons hadn't even crossed his mind in centuries, but it all came back as if it was only yesterday when he saw those marks. She hadn't been joking when she called them impressive. Each was larger than his hand; against her slight frame they were enormous.

It was clear now that she was in agony, but she concealed it almost flawlessly. He known battle-hardened men who didn't have that kind of resolve and he was impressed anew with the power of her will. It was clear to him now why that will had surrendered so easily, she was completely exhausted. He wondered why she had been so adamant about keeping the extent of her pain from him. She had mentioned humiliation, but at the time he thought that she had been referring to being undressed. She was not as painfully shy about her body as she had been at the beginning, but she was still self-conscious. Now he wondered if that had been a correct assumption.

His anger had been eclipsed by his need for answers and to his need to make her forget the pain his touch had caused just moments before. When she relaxed she tended to reveal more and the last thing he wanted at this moment was to make his questioning seem like an interrogation to her. Even with the bit of assistance he was able to give her a few minutes ago he knew the past few hours had been very difficult for her. It did make him wonder how he managed to find someone almost as guarded as himself.