Poker, Chocolate and Definitely No Fronds

He’s No Mind-Reader

 

 

“Captain!” Nurse Chapel smiled as Kirk walked into the Sickbay. She stood up, turning from her desk, and stepped towards him, “What can I do for you? Are you here to check up on Mr. Tucker’s progress?”

“Er, yes,” answered Kirk, running his hand through his hair, and flashing her a smiled, “How’s he doing?”

“Coming along nicely,” she said, nodding, “He should be back on duty within the week, all being well.”

“That’s good, I know they are struggling without him down in Chemistry. Is, er, is Dr. McCoy around?” he glanced around the ward,

“In his office, Captain,” answered Chapel. Kirk nodded his thanks, and knocked smartly on the door. 

“Yup?” called McCoy from inside, and Kirk entered, his stomach rolling.

“Hi, Bones,” said Kirk, as he took a seat in the empty consultation chair. McCoy looked up and put down his coffee. He smiled wryly at the captain,

“Feelin’ it today? I’ve already prescribed myself two hypos just to get on top of my paperwork. Damned foolish idea o’yours, Jim – poker when we’re all on Beta shift.”

Kirk laughed, and it sounded unconvincing even to his own ears. McCoy looked at him with a curious expression,

“What’s eatin’ you?”

“Bones, I need some medical advice,” bit out Kirk, trying hard to push down the flush that threatened to creep up his neck,

“Sure,” said McCoy turning in this chair to face Kirk fully, his expression taking on a professional air. He looked at Kirk expectantly,

“I just need some … some antiseptic cream,”

“All right,” answered McCoy, turning to his console to punch in the prescription, “What’s it for?”

“Oh, just a graze, got it in the gym,” said Kirk, forcing himself to hold McCoy’s gaze,

“Okay, Captain. Let’s have a look,” smiled McCoy, leaning forward. Kirk hesitated, and then smiled winningly,

“Ah, it’s nothing,” he said breezily,

“Come on, Jim,” replied McCoy, his voice suddenly serious. Kirk stared at him for a moment, and then sighed, scratching his head,

“All right, Bones,” he relented, “It’s not a graze. Can’t you just prescribe it to me, and forget the whole thing?”

“Now, Jim, you know I can’t do that. Regs. If there’s somethin’ wrong with you, I’ve gotta check it out – just to be safe. Come on, what’ve you got?”

Kirk felt his cheeks burn almost immediately, and McCoy clearly noticed, because his eyebrow twitched,

“My ass is sore, Bones,” muttered Kirk, looking resolutely down at his lap, and putting as much force into his words as he could, “So if you could just give me something for it, I’ll be on my way. I need to get back to the bridge.”

“Haemorrhoids?” said McCoy, no hint of amusement in his voice, “It’s all right – there’s nothin’ to be embarrassed about.” He stood and held out a hand to the examination bed, “Let’s have a quick look, then you can be on your way,”

Kirk stood, sighing,

“Bones, it’s not haemorrhoids!” he said, irritation colouring his voice. Bones held out his hands, coming to the end of his patience,

“Damn it, Jim, I’m a doctor, not a mind reader! Tell me what the hell’s wrong with you, and I’ll give you something for it! I’m a busy man – I don’t have time to play guessin’ games,”

“Okay, okay,” Kirk said, holding up his hands to placate his friend, “I’m sorry, Bones, it’s just … it’s a bit embarrassing.”

McCoy stared at him for a moment, and then blinked, nodding once,

“I’m your friend, Jim. I hope you know that I wouldn’t ever break your confidence. Not to mention that I’m your doctor. I take patient confidentiality damned seriously.” He paused, and held out a hand to the table, “Why don’t you just let me have a look? Then we can both get on with our days?”

His pulse racing, and his stomach rolling uncomfortably, Kirk stripped down and lay silently as McCoy inspected him. When it was finally over, and he’d pulled his trousers back on, he sat down, and looked at McCoy.

“Well,” the doctor said, straightening things unnecessarily on his desk, “there’s not much room for conjecture. It’s pretty obvious what’s happened, Jim. You really need to be more careful during your … activities,” he typed in a prescription, and turned back to the captain. His demeanour had changed dramatically, as if he was trying very hard to stay professional, and not ask questions that were burning in his mind, “I’ll give you some antiseptic cream – apply it at least twice a day, and after bathing. I’d recommend avoiding any unnecessary irritation to the area. And in future, you need to use a good lubricant, especially if your partner is likely to be rough,” McCoy cleared his throat, “or large.”

Kirk nodded, decidedly not meeting the doctor’s eye.

Five minutes later, Kirk was leaving Sickbay, a tube of cream in his pocket. McCoy watched him leave with a somewhat ginger stride. The doctor shook his head.

“Anything wrong, Dr.?” said Nurse Chapel, looking up. McCoy raised an eyebrow,

“That depends whether you mean medically, morally or psychologically,” replied McCoy, “though I’m tempted to say yes to all three.” He turned and stalked back to his office, and muttered,

“Green-blooded hobgoblin bastard.”

 

 

 

Thanks for reading! I might run with this for a while, if people want to read more of it. Criticism welcome, as always!