I'll Be There

Title: I'll Be There (2/6)
Author: telepathichawk
Rating: K+, PG
Character(s)/Pairing(s): Burt, Kurt. Puck/Kurt in later chapters. Burt/Carole, Finn/Rachel
Genre: General/Family
Warnings: None.
Spoilers: Anything up to the end of season one is fair game, though I'm not sure there's anything really.
Disclaimer: I do not own Glee. I make no profit from this.
Author Notes: This small series was inspired by six songs. They are as follows: "I'll Be There" as performed by The Jackson Five, "Lullaby" as performed by Billy Joel, "Breeze Off the River" from the musical The Full Monty, "When You Come Back Down" as performed by Nicklecreek, "Child of Mine" as performed by Carol King, and "All You Need is Love" as performed by The Beatles.
Please comment if you have a moment! Thanks so much!
Summary: A fluffy interconnected series of one shots mostly about the relationship between Burt and Kurt Hummel.
Word Count: ~2,300


"Connie, I can't do this without you, baby…" Burt whispered desperately as he squeezed his eyes shut to block the tears from falling, slammed his fists on the counter and bent at the waist in a pain that was nowhere near physical. He'd thought, just after they'd gotten that final diagnosis –terminal- that the hardest thing he'd ever have to go through in his life would be losing his much loved and much cherished wife. But, he'd been wrong. Trying to raise Kurt alone, trying to be both father and mother to a hurting little boy and knowing that he was failing him was much, much harder.

"I hate you, Daddy! I wish you died instead of Mommy!"

The words were still echoing in his ears and they hurt like hell, but not nearly as badly as the ones he'd said in reply.

"I hate you, too, you little shit! And I didn't die so you're just going to have to fucking live with it! Go to your fucking room!"

The stricken look that had crossed Kurt's face, the automatic pain, had torn into him. Kurt had already been crying because of dinner and he'd only hurt him more. He muffled his frustrated scream by biting his knuckle and slammed his free hand on the counter again. What had he been thinking? He'd tried to make Connie's spaghetti sauce from the recipe she had put on a card for him when they were preparing for her death but it hadn't turned out quite right. He'd known, just known, that something must have happened at school because Kurt was quiet and Kurt was never quiet. So, his boy was already on the verge of a major breakdown and tantrum before they even started eating and he'd seen it and chosen to ignore it. It was the first time he'd tried to make any of Connie's regular dishes. He'd figured, after a good day at the shop, that now, as they were reaching the six month marker, it might be okay to try one of them. He should have just ordered Chinese or a pizza when he saw that Kurt was already upset, but he just hadn't been thinking. And the sauce, off by just a little, had been enough to throw Kurt over the edge.

"It doesn't taste right."

"It's the exact same sauce your mom used to make, Kurt."

"No, it's not! Something doesn't taste right!"

"Yes, it is, Kurt! Now, just eat!"

"No, I won't! You don't make it like Mommy! I want Mommy to make it!" That's when the big tears had begun rolling down Kurt's face and Burt had had to look away because he was feeling the lump in his throat himself.

"Kurt, your mom's gone."

"I want her back!"

"She's not coming back, Kurt. She's dead."

Then, Kurt had yelled that he hated him and Burt had lost his temper and now he was trying to keep himself upright in the kitchen and fighting sobs as he wondered whether he should have just let the Connie's parents take Kurt when they requested it. He'd been so sure that he could do this, that he had to do this, and it had been one of Connie's last requests that he always take care of their little boy, but he was sure that the Baldwin's wouldn't be messing everything up like he was. Maybe it would have been better…But, no. Kurt was his son. And they needed each other. They were going to get through this.

"Give yourself a break, Hummel," He whispered. Connie had told him to tell himself that whenever things got like this. She'd known. She'd always known how hard it was going to be for them without her. He wished, more than anything, that she were there right now to wrap her arms around him and tell him herself. In that moment he would have given almost anything just to hear her sweet voice whispering in his ear.

"You're only human." He pushed himself upright on the second part of the message and swiped the back of his hand across his slightly wet eyes.

"And you're a great dad." He looked up that the ceiling, "Maybe not such a great dad right now, huh, sweetheart? But, I'm going to be. I swear it."

He sighed deeply, took one more taste of the sauce that he'd made and winced. Kurt was right. It didn't taste right. And it was just too soon. He shouldn't have tried it. He poured the rest of it down the disposal, wanting to give Kurt a little bit more time to calm down. They were both in the wrong and he would be the one to say that he was sorry first. He should be. He was the dad. He just had to see past the words and the anger to the hurt that Kurt had been trying to show him since he had gotten home. He kissed the card that Connie had written in her own hand and put it back in the recipe box.

"Enough stalling, Hummel," he whispered.

He climbed the stairs to Kurt's small room and paused before the door. He could hear Kurt sniffling and felt his heart shatter all over again. His baby was just so sensitive. He laid his forehead to the door for a moment, taking a deep breath to steady himself. Kurt was only eight. Sometimes he acted so mature, took care of Burt as much as Burt was taking care of him, that he seemed so much older. But, he was, in reality, just a hurting little boy who didn't understand why his mother was taken away and who wanted her back more than anything. Burt could understand that. He didn't know why Connie had been taken from them either. And he wanted her back. For Kurt as much as for himself.

"Kurt…Baby…" He pushed the door open and was nearly knocked over when the small form of his son launched itself from the bed. Kurt wrapped his small, surprisingly strong arms Burt's waist and buried his face in Burt's stomach. Burt could feel his tears leaking through the flannel.

"I'm sorry, Daddy!" Kurt sobbed, "I'm so sorry! I don't want you to die! I'm so sorry!"

"Ah, Kurt…" Burt loosened the little arms from around his waist and fell to his knees, wrapping Kurt up in his arms and burying his face in his son's soft hair, "I'm sorry, too, baby. I didn't mean what I said. I lost my temper. You know that I love you, don't you, buddy?"

"I know," Kurt whimpered, "I love you, too, Daddy."

"Come on, bud. We need to get out of here for a bit." He picked Kurt up and felt some little part of him mend when Kurt laid his head on his shoulder trustingly.

Half an hour later found them at the little pond Burt and Connie had taken Kurt to when they told him that Connie was sick. As her illness progressed the pond and the little rowboat on it, owned by Carlos, the other mechanic at Burt's shop and his best friend, had become their escape. When the three of them were in the boat nothing else existed. They could just be. Maybe it wasn't time yet to make Connie's recipes, but it would always be time for the boat. Burt helped Kurt into the rowboat and set them adrift on the small pond. They still had a good forty minutes at least before the sun set. It would be a good amount time for them to both calm and settle. They smiled at each other, but didn't say anything as they ate the McDonald's that Burt had picked up on their way. When they were done Burt laid down in the bottom of the boat without a word and Kurt curled up on his chest. Burt wrapped his arms around him and they sighed together as Kurt settled his little head under Burt's chin.

"I miss Mommy, Daddy," Kurt whispered after a little while.

"I miss her, too, Kurtie," Burt admitted, "I miss her a lot. But, we can't hurt each other because of how much we miss her, okay? If you're sad or you don't feel good or even if you're mad you have to tell me before it gets so big inside that you feel like you have to yell, okay? And I promise you that I'll do the same. I'll try not to yell at you again, Kurt. I'm sorry I did."

"I'm sorry, too, Daddy. And I promise to try like you said." Kurt sniffled and snuggled.

Burt was glad he was lying down because he would have had to sit. Kurt had always surprised him and Connie with how mature, how smart, he was and now was no exception. Burt knew that Kurt understood everything he'd said and that he would try to talk to Burt before he exploded at him again. He wondered if it was healthy that his eight year-old be so emotionally mature. He decided that it didn't matter. Maybe it was Kurt's coping mechanism, like that quack he'd taken him to right after Connie died said. He'd taken him because the Baldwins had recommended that they both go to counseling and it seemed like a good idea. But, the maturity was the only thing Burt thought he might have been right about because he'd said that he'd said there were ways to make Kurt "normal" and pushed a pamphlet for a "degayification" camp at him. Burt had punched him, picked Kurt up, walked out and stayed angry until they were at home and Kurt was comfortably in bed. That was when the hopelessness struck and he'd spent the next twenty minutes in a hot shower, biting his knuckles so that Kurt wouldn't hear his sobs. How was he supposed to raise Kurt to be confident and love himself all alone in a world dead set against his boy being happy as he was? He still didn't know how he was going to do it alone, but he didn't know how he and Connie would have done it either. All he knew was that he was going to do it. No matter what, he was going to do it. He tightened his arms around Kurt's small frame.

"What happened today at school that upset you so much, Kurtie?"

"Noah Puckerman…"

Burt remembered Rebeka Puckerman from high school. Her name had been Rosenberg then and she'd been three years younger than them. Neither of them had ever really been good friends with her, but everyone loved her. She was sweet and bright, always had a smile on her pretty face. Everyone in Lima, still in the small town mindset despite their growing population, had been shocked and felt a little betrayed when she'd taken up with Eli Puckerman. She'd gotten pregnant her senior year of high school, they'd married, and she'd lost the baby. It might have been better if they had split then, but they hadn't and the next year she was pregnant again. Three months later Connie had found out she was pregnant and Burt hadn't really heard much about Beks again until a couple of months ago when he overheard in the shop that Eli, who had apparently been beating her and their little boy Noah, had finally taken off, leaving Noah with a broken arm and Beks with a black eye and another baby in her belly. Good riddance to bad rubbish, Burt thought, though he was sorry for how hard things were going to be for Rebeka. He told himself that he would try to find a way to help her out without making it feel like a handout. One thing he did remember about her was her pride.

"What about Noah, son?"

"He was so sad today because of his daddy and I tried to tell him that it was okay. I thought…"

"You thought, because of your mom, you might understand a little better than some other people?"

Kurt nodded against his chest, "But, he didn't want to talk to me. He called me the bad name Mommy said I'm not supposed to say and pushed me down. He got my pants dirty and I was just trying to help!"

Burt fought down the anger. He knew what the bad word was, but he tried to give the other eight year old the benefit of the doubt. He knew Beks a little and knew that she wouldn't let it pass. Maybe with the bastard Eli away she would be able to teach her little boy better. He kissed his own son's hair, "Well, baby, Noah's still hurting. Sometimes when we're hurting we do things we don't mean. I bet he was just like you and me this afternoon, only instead of yelling he called you a name and pushed you down. Just maybe…give him a little bit of time, okay, Kurt?"

"Okay, Daddy," Kurt snuggled again. Burt was not looking forward to the day when Kurt no longer trusted him so implicitly and did as he said without question.

"You know how much I love you, don't you, Kurt?" Burt whispered after a while when he was sure Kurt was asleep.

"I know, Daddy. I love you, too."

Okay, so maybe not quite asleep.

"Good, son. As long as you know that."

"Daddy…sing, please? The song Mommy liked to sing to me."

Burt felt the tears slick his throat, but swallowed them down, "Sure, baby. Close your eyes."

"Okay."

And like a boat on the ocean I'm rocking you to sleep
The water's dark and deep inside this ancient heart
You'll always be a part of me
Goodnight, my angel, now it's time to dream
And dream how wonderful your life will be
Someday your child may cry, and if you sing this lullaby
Then in your heart there will always be a part of me
Someday we'll all be gone, but lullabies go on and on
They never die
That's how you and I will be