House the Pimp
folder
G through L › House
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
5
Views:
4,301
Reviews:
4
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
G through L › House
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
5
Views:
4,301
Reviews:
4
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own House, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Service & Check Up
2.
House burst into the hospital waiting room and shouted. “WHERE’S MY HOMIE AT!??”
Wilson came out of his office. “House, I’m trying to work here, could you keep it down?” House just stared at Wilson, eyes narrowed, until they both cracked up laughing. “Just kidding. Hey G-man, how’s business?” They patted each other on the back and dispensed with a series of elaborate handshakes.
“Been better. I have an idea for bringing people in. First though, let’s go get some lunch.” They entered the cafeteria and got some food. Well, Wilson got some food, House just ate some of it. He glared deadly at him but House just ate Wilson’s lunch as though he was entitled.
“So?” Wilson broke the silence.
“Mmm?” He questioned with his mouth full of chips.
“The plan for business, are you going to tell me about it or not?”
“Oh! Yeah. Well, you know how this business I have is in a hospital.” Wilson was only slightly worried where this was going. “Well here’s the plan: as part of our ‘job’ we offer our customers a free check-up.” he took a sip of Wilson’s cola.
“Is that even legal??” Wilson suddenly said, a little louder than he had intended.
“Sure it is. I’m pretty sure Foreman even has a medical licence. At least he wishes he did.”
Wilson sighed. Although he wasn’t a doctor himself, he liked to think of himself as more of a doctor than House – as the more learned of the two. Wilson was actually running a small Divorce Attorney business in one of the empty rooms of the hospital. Although he only had two clients, one being himself, he considered it a well-respected career. He also thought it wrong for House to give medical advice without any qualifications. But House was his friend so he’d just have to get over it. “Good luck to you then.”
“Thanks brother!” he got up to leave and knocked Wilson’s salad on the ground. “Oops!” Wilson sighed and bent to pick up the lettuce that House couldn’t get on account of his leg. ‘Mmmm,’ House thought as he admired the view of Wilson’s butt ‘yeah, I’d tap that.’
“Oh! That reminds me!” he suddenly said when Wilson sat back down. “I’ve got this hot new hoe working for me, you’d love her. Name’s Cameron. She’s actually what gave me this new idea. Half the clients swear by her. I’ll get you a discount.”
Wilson ran his hands through his hair. “Aw, you know I would, but I’m on to wife number 7 now, and I really feel that I should try and be faithful to this one.”
“Suit yourself then.” replied House and he snatched the rest of Wilson’s burger as he turned to leave.
“House, wait.” He turned. “On second thought, send her to my office.” House smirked as he exited the cafeteria.
[][][][][][]
About an hour later House was out on the front concrete with Chase, who appeared to be wearing fishing net. “So what’s this amazing plan to bring more people to the hospital?” asked Chase who had missed the meeting they had because he was busy with ‘work’.
“You’ll see.” said House who was watching the hospital doors. Just then Foreman came through out wearing only a fluoro pink thong and giant cardboard sign that said ‘SEX HOSPITAL! COME IN FOR A SERVICE AND A CHECK-UP.’
“You have got to be kidding.” Foreman said as he walked awkwardly up to them. House peered over his pimp-shades. “You’re right… Lose the g-string.”
Foreman rolled his eyes as he removed the thong and walked over by road to wave at passers by. As he turned Chase read the sign on his back which said ‘COURTESY OF HOUSE, M.D.’ Chase was giggling insanely. “So what’s M.D. supposed to stand for?”
“My Dick…” muttered House as he went back inside the Hospital, deciding it was too hot to be outside in a fur coat.
House jumped as he realised Cuddy was standing at the hospital’s entrance, looking mighty bitchy. “What’s this I hear about you turning this place into a real hospital!?! You best check yo’self before you make these kinds of stupid decisions.”
“Relax, we’re not really gonna cure sick people, we’ll just be giving out painkillers, massages and cough-drops, and maybe grass. And if they’re really sick we’ll send them to a REAL hospital… Well, a better one… unless they die.”
“I will bitch slap you, you…”
“Whoa, bitch! Don’t make me use this!” warned House as he lifted his pimp-cane.
Cuddy was just about to launch into another round of verbal abuse when Foreman approached them. Cuddy stepped down, but narrowed her eyes as she read Foreman’s sign. “Doctor House, no one’s paying any attention.”
House was confused. “How can they not pay attention!? You’re basically naked!” Foreman just shrugged, looked over at Cuddy and decided it was best to leave. “Do I have to do everything in this place?” said House who decided to help rather than face the wrath of Cuddy.
They went out into the street. House pulled a megaphone from somewhere in his pimp-coat and stood on a bench. “YO! HOMIES! You can GET wit dis motherfuckin’ Hoe!” and he gestured towards one of his finer bitches, who was blowing kisses to people passing by. “Not only that, but if you’re sick, come in and we’ll take care of ya! C’mon bros! We will give you check-ups! What da HELL you waitin’ for, fools!?” and like magic people began coming in off the streets into the hospital.
House stood ahigh on the bench, surveying his handy work. Wilson came up behind him and stood next to him on the chair. “Well, looks like your plan worked.”
“Damn I’m good,” said House with an evil smile. “How was Cameron?”
Wilson smiled and blushed, but didn’t say. Instead he looked over as a man in a cheesy suit and a runny nose approached one of the hookers. “Congradulations. I just hope you can keep this up.”
House stared out into the night for a moment and then dropped his cane. He turned to Wilson, “Could you get that for me?” Wilson frowned and bent all the way over to retreave the cane. “Oh yeah, work that for me, baby!”
“What was that House?” asked Wilson who handed him the cane.
“Oh…” he hadn’t meant to say that aloud, “I said: That’s enough work for me today. See you tomorrow.” And with that, Dr House escaped into the night in his PimpMobile.
tbc.
House burst into the hospital waiting room and shouted. “WHERE’S MY HOMIE AT!??”
Wilson came out of his office. “House, I’m trying to work here, could you keep it down?” House just stared at Wilson, eyes narrowed, until they both cracked up laughing. “Just kidding. Hey G-man, how’s business?” They patted each other on the back and dispensed with a series of elaborate handshakes.
“Been better. I have an idea for bringing people in. First though, let’s go get some lunch.” They entered the cafeteria and got some food. Well, Wilson got some food, House just ate some of it. He glared deadly at him but House just ate Wilson’s lunch as though he was entitled.
“So?” Wilson broke the silence.
“Mmm?” He questioned with his mouth full of chips.
“The plan for business, are you going to tell me about it or not?”
“Oh! Yeah. Well, you know how this business I have is in a hospital.” Wilson was only slightly worried where this was going. “Well here’s the plan: as part of our ‘job’ we offer our customers a free check-up.” he took a sip of Wilson’s cola.
“Is that even legal??” Wilson suddenly said, a little louder than he had intended.
“Sure it is. I’m pretty sure Foreman even has a medical licence. At least he wishes he did.”
Wilson sighed. Although he wasn’t a doctor himself, he liked to think of himself as more of a doctor than House – as the more learned of the two. Wilson was actually running a small Divorce Attorney business in one of the empty rooms of the hospital. Although he only had two clients, one being himself, he considered it a well-respected career. He also thought it wrong for House to give medical advice without any qualifications. But House was his friend so he’d just have to get over it. “Good luck to you then.”
“Thanks brother!” he got up to leave and knocked Wilson’s salad on the ground. “Oops!” Wilson sighed and bent to pick up the lettuce that House couldn’t get on account of his leg. ‘Mmmm,’ House thought as he admired the view of Wilson’s butt ‘yeah, I’d tap that.’
“Oh! That reminds me!” he suddenly said when Wilson sat back down. “I’ve got this hot new hoe working for me, you’d love her. Name’s Cameron. She’s actually what gave me this new idea. Half the clients swear by her. I’ll get you a discount.”
Wilson ran his hands through his hair. “Aw, you know I would, but I’m on to wife number 7 now, and I really feel that I should try and be faithful to this one.”
“Suit yourself then.” replied House and he snatched the rest of Wilson’s burger as he turned to leave.
“House, wait.” He turned. “On second thought, send her to my office.” House smirked as he exited the cafeteria.
[][][][][][]
About an hour later House was out on the front concrete with Chase, who appeared to be wearing fishing net. “So what’s this amazing plan to bring more people to the hospital?” asked Chase who had missed the meeting they had because he was busy with ‘work’.
“You’ll see.” said House who was watching the hospital doors. Just then Foreman came through out wearing only a fluoro pink thong and giant cardboard sign that said ‘SEX HOSPITAL! COME IN FOR A SERVICE AND A CHECK-UP.’
“You have got to be kidding.” Foreman said as he walked awkwardly up to them. House peered over his pimp-shades. “You’re right… Lose the g-string.”
Foreman rolled his eyes as he removed the thong and walked over by road to wave at passers by. As he turned Chase read the sign on his back which said ‘COURTESY OF HOUSE, M.D.’ Chase was giggling insanely. “So what’s M.D. supposed to stand for?”
“My Dick…” muttered House as he went back inside the Hospital, deciding it was too hot to be outside in a fur coat.
House jumped as he realised Cuddy was standing at the hospital’s entrance, looking mighty bitchy. “What’s this I hear about you turning this place into a real hospital!?! You best check yo’self before you make these kinds of stupid decisions.”
“Relax, we’re not really gonna cure sick people, we’ll just be giving out painkillers, massages and cough-drops, and maybe grass. And if they’re really sick we’ll send them to a REAL hospital… Well, a better one… unless they die.”
“I will bitch slap you, you…”
“Whoa, bitch! Don’t make me use this!” warned House as he lifted his pimp-cane.
Cuddy was just about to launch into another round of verbal abuse when Foreman approached them. Cuddy stepped down, but narrowed her eyes as she read Foreman’s sign. “Doctor House, no one’s paying any attention.”
House was confused. “How can they not pay attention!? You’re basically naked!” Foreman just shrugged, looked over at Cuddy and decided it was best to leave. “Do I have to do everything in this place?” said House who decided to help rather than face the wrath of Cuddy.
They went out into the street. House pulled a megaphone from somewhere in his pimp-coat and stood on a bench. “YO! HOMIES! You can GET wit dis motherfuckin’ Hoe!” and he gestured towards one of his finer bitches, who was blowing kisses to people passing by. “Not only that, but if you’re sick, come in and we’ll take care of ya! C’mon bros! We will give you check-ups! What da HELL you waitin’ for, fools!?” and like magic people began coming in off the streets into the hospital.
House stood ahigh on the bench, surveying his handy work. Wilson came up behind him and stood next to him on the chair. “Well, looks like your plan worked.”
“Damn I’m good,” said House with an evil smile. “How was Cameron?”
Wilson smiled and blushed, but didn’t say. Instead he looked over as a man in a cheesy suit and a runny nose approached one of the hookers. “Congradulations. I just hope you can keep this up.”
House stared out into the night for a moment and then dropped his cane. He turned to Wilson, “Could you get that for me?” Wilson frowned and bent all the way over to retreave the cane. “Oh yeah, work that for me, baby!”
“What was that House?” asked Wilson who handed him the cane.
“Oh…” he hadn’t meant to say that aloud, “I said: That’s enough work for me today. See you tomorrow.” And with that, Dr House escaped into the night in his PimpMobile.
tbc.