Seeds of Jealousy

Brian

As we sit in Mel’s office, I start to think about everything that has happened in the past year since Dee showed back up in my life.

I have a now eleven-year-old daughter, and Justin is expecting the birth of his twins from the same woman. If anyone had told us a year ago that we’d come to have four kids between us, I would have laughed in their face.

“Justin, are you sure you want to do this? I have to ask for policy purposes,” Mel informs Justin.

“Yes, I’m sure. I know you must think I’m awful, trying to take them from their mother, but after everything Dee has said and done, I don’t feel I have a choice if I ever want to be a part of their lives. I already love them and I feel they’d be better off with me. I can be a good father to them.”

“You’ve proven that time and again with Gus and Brianna,” she assures him with a smile.

After discussing the papers, we sign them, Justin as the plaintiff with me as a witness. Justin looks them over one more time before handing them to Mel.

“Last chance, Justin,” Mel says, looking straight at my lover.

Justin looks at me, and as I smile at him he looks back to Mel and nods. “File them”

“Okay, first thing in the morning. When do you want me to serve her with them?”

“Not until after the babies are born and she’s out of the hospital,” he replies. Even after this shit he is still making sure everything works out with her and the twins.

“Are you sure? What will you do until then?” Mel asks.

“I’ll just keep my distance from her,” he walks across the office and stands staring silently out the window.

“Mel, what are his chances?” I ask quietly. “I don’t want to see him hurt over this.”

She glanced at Justin. “I can’t say, Brian. Usually they like to keep kids with their mothers when possible, especially when they’re so young.” She took a deep breath. “But under the circumstances, knowing that she’s already admitted to manipulating this pregnancy in an effort to trap you, I don’t think we’ll have much of a problem. At the very least, we’ll be able to ensure that Justin has some rights where the children are concerned. And, if she continues to make it clear that she doesn’t want to share the parenting roles with him, he’s got a good chance at full custody.”

I smile my thanks at her before crossing the room to take him in my arms. He turns in my embrace, gracing me with a small smile.

“I am really going to be a father,” he says.

“Justin, you are already a father in the ways that really count, to both Gus and Brianna.”

He reaches up to kiss me softly. “Thank you. For saying that and for loving me enough to help.”

“Justin, you should know by now, there is nothing I wouldn’t do for you,” I whisper.

“I am still not used to this side of Brian Kinney,” Mel says, shaking her head in mild disbelief.

“This is the Brian I have always seen,” Justin informs her with a smug smile. “From that very first night.”

“Well, I’ve never been a big fan, as you both know, but seeing the way he’s here supporting his partner, not just today but since this whole thing began, I have to admit, I’m starting to rethink my position. You’re a good man, Brian, and a great father.” She smiled mischievously. “And if you ever tell anyone I said that I will deny it.” She’s leaving the office to have her secretary make copies of all the documents when she turns to face us once again. “Then, I will cut your remaining ball off and mount it on my wall.”

As soon as she’s left the office, I turn to Justin with an exaggerated look of fear. “She will, too.”

“Yes, I know.”

We both start to laugh. I just hope we’re still laughing when all the dust has settled.


Dee

I’m looking out the window as the door opens and Lindsey walks in.

“You wanted to talk to me?” She asks.

“Yes,” I say, shifting slightly to get comfortable. “You’re the only one who can understand what I’m going through.” I smile wryly. “You’re lucky Gus is Brian’s son. I wouldn’t be having half these problems if these babies were his.”

She looks at me, a flash of anger in her eyes and I know I was right in choosing my ally. When she speaks, the words surprise me. “I would be honored to carry Justin’s children. He’s a remarkable man.”

I stare in shock for a moment before scoffing. “Remarkable? Why, because he’s got blond hair and blue eyes? Give me a break.”

“The way I see it, we’ve already given you several,” Lindsay says, pulling the chair close to the bed and lowering herself into it. “You called me here to talk about Justin, let’s talk. You’re right, I’m lucky that Brian is Gus’ father, but let me tell you, I feel equally lucky to have Justin as his other dad. Did you know that when Gus was a few months old, we asked Brian to sign over his parental rights? He didn’t want to, but no one saw that, no one except Justin. The rest of us believed that Brian didn’t want any part of being a father. Justin was the one who convinced him that he could be a parent, a good one, despite the childhood he had.”

“Linds…”

“No,” she effectively cuts me off. “You started this, and now I’m going to have my say. Justin came out when he was 17 and his father kicked him out of the house. If it hadn’t been for Brian taking him in, who knows what could have happened to him. But he was strong, and he refused to back down and hide who he was.” She pauses for a moment for effect. “Even after another kid took a baseball bat to his head at his senior prom.”

“He was bashed?” I ask quietly.

Lindsay nods sadly. “He nearly died in Brian’s arms. He was there, saw the whole thing but wasn’t able to stop it. He was a wreck, Dee, blaming himself. The rest of us were too shocked and concerned about Justin to realize that Brian was a victim too, but you know what? Justin saw it. After everything he’d suffered, he saw Brian’s pain and he was there for him. Justin couldn’t even walk down the street for the longest time, afraid that someone was lying in wait around every corner, but Brian helped him through it. They helped each other. Justin’s not perfect, he’s made mistakes, but he’s always owned up to them and did whatever he could to make them right. Then, when Brian was diagnosed with cancer, Justin was there through it all, even after Brian tried to push him away.”

My head snaps up at that bit of news. “Brian had cancer? When?” I ask, worried about my best friend.

“A while ago. I won’t get into particulars because the details aren’t mine to tell and he’s fine now, but it was rough going for a while. He didn’t want anyone to know, including Justin. But Justin found out and fought his way back into Brian’s life. He laid into him good,” she says with a small chuckle. “He’ll never give up on the people he loves, and that includes those babies you’re carrying. He’s a fighter, Dee.”

“And he won Brian,” I say sadly.

“It wasn’t easy,” she tells me. “They’ve been through a lot together and Brian had some serious commitment issues, but Justin never gave up, even though he lost his own father’s love in the process.”

“I didn’t know any of this,” I say quietly.

“Dee, you come here with one thing in mind. What you have to realize is, the man you knew is not the same Brian Kinney you remember. Justin broke down those walls Brian spent so many years building. I have known him since college and NO ONE has gotten as close to him as Justin is now. He loves Justin. Justin loves him. And he loves those babies you are carrying. Justin is a great father to Gus just like he is to Brianna and he will be to the twins as well,” she says, pointing to my stomach.

“I never realized all that,” I admit.

“Of course not, you were too busy with your own agenda,” she tells me, a small smile taking some of the sting out of her words. “Dee, you’ll never have what you want with Brian, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be happy. Justin’s one of the brightest men I know. He’s smart, talented, funny. He’s compassionate and determined. Even when the bashing left him with some nerve damage in his hand, he never let it stop him from pursuing his career in art. He fights for what he believes in, for what’s important to him. And Brian is at the top of that list. He’ll never give up on him and having someone believe in him so strongly has made Brian a better man.”

I’m quiet for a moment as I consider everything she’s said. “I’ve been pretty selfish,” I finally whisper.

“It’s hard to love someone when they don’t return that love in the same way,” Lindsay says kindly. “You just got caught up in that and lost your way for a while. I think if you take some time to think about what I’ve said, you’ll see that you’re a very lucky woman. You’ve got a beautiful daughter, two more children on the way and two men who will make the best fathers for those kids.”

I think about that and smile slightly. “Thanks, Lindsay,” I say, caressing my stomach. “You’re right. I love my babies, even if they’re not Brian’s.” I can feel tears welling in my eyes as I realize the effects my actions have had on them. “I nearly lost them, Lindsay.”

“But you didn’t,” she reassures me, placing one hand over mine. “And you won’t. You need to take good care of yourself and they’ll be fine.”

“Thank you,” I whisper through my tears.

“No thanks needed. Just take care of yourself and those kids.” She gives me a hug before leaving me to rest.

Alone with my thoughts, I go over everything I’ve learned. I didn’t know Justin went through all that or that Brian had cancer. I was too caught up in what I wanted to even think about what anyone else had been going through.

Maybe she has a point where Justin is concerned. He didn’t have to welcome me back into Brian’s life, but he did, for the most part. Sure, he seems a little jealous at times, but I’m not really one to judge where jealousy is concerned. And whether I want to admit it or not, Brianna adores him.

Maybe I really do need to rethink my actions.

I close my eyes, Lindsay’s words playing through my head as I allow sleep to claim me.