Seeds of Jealousy

Dee

I wake up, looking around the room and see Brian sitting in the chair with Justin on his lap. There is sunlight outside the window which means I slept through the night.

They’re both wearing different clothes than they were when I was brought in, so I know they haven’t been here the whole time.

“Brian,” I whisper, realizing that Justin is asleep.

Looking over at me, he gets up and places Justin in the chair before making his way to my bedside.

“Hey, how are you feeling?” he asks me.

“I’m fine. The babies?” I rub my stomach.

“They’re ok. Did they tell you they admitted you?”

I look at him with the ‘duh’ look. “I’m here,” I reply with a laugh.

“Dee, I shouldn’t have went off like that,” he starts to say.

“It’s not your fault. Look, Brian, I don’t blame you.” I blame that little fucker over there sleeping.

“I know you don’t. We have been worried. You scared us.”

“I’m ok. I know Justin isn’t too happy with me.” I look away.

“Can you blame him, Dee? You have to understand, this is all new to him, but he’s a good guy,” Brian tries to tell me.

“Maybe,” I allow reluctantly. “But I never had problems like this with Brianna. Why with Justin’s? I mean, this isn’t right. Brian?” I look up at him.

“Dee, listen to me. This isn’t Justin’s fault either. Even after everything that’s happened, he’s still worried about you.”

“He’s worried about his kids, not me.”

“You need to calm down,” he tells me.

“I’m sorry. It’s just that I never had trouble with having your child. And now I am having all these problems. With kids that I thought were yours.” I wipe a tear from my cheek. “And you all knew they weren’t. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“You’re right,” Brian tells me. “We all knew about the condom and that the babies were Justin’s but we didn’t tell you because we didn’t know what you’d do.”

I refuse to take the blame for this alone. “That doesn’t change the fact that I had a perfectly healthy pregnancy with your baby. What do I know about Justin? I don’t know anything about his family history. Maybe this is common, maybe it’s a problem that he knew about all along and that’s why no one told me.”

“Dee, I know what we did was wrong,” Justin’s voice breaks in as he moves to stand beside Brian, “but I can tell you, no one in my family has a history of trouble with pregnancy or childbirth.”

“That you know of,” I snap.

“Dee,” Brian says, his tone carrying a hint of warning.

“It’s true, Brian. How does he know?” I start to cry as the doctor walks in.

He proceeds to inject more medication into the IV tube before turning to the two men in the room. “Both of you, out, now,” he instructs them.

“I want Brian to stay,” I say, my eyes already drooping.

“Fine,” the doctor says. “Justin, I’m afraid it’s your presence upsetting her. I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

Justin looks shocked but walks out.

“Dee, this has to stop. I won’t let this continue. You are carrying his kids and I will be there for you both. Don’t shut him out,” Brian pleads with me. “What you’re doing is cruel and unfair.”

“I need to sleep. Go see your precious
Justin

I walk out of the room thinking that this is fucking bullshit. I am being told I can’t stay in the room with my own children.

You would think this would have changed her, but it hasn’t. She still hates me.

“Justin?” I turn to see Brian standing there.

“How is she?” I ask him.

“Resting. You are amazing. Even after that you are still concerned for her.” He kisses me.

“Just because she’s a bitch to me and trying to take everything I love away from me, it doesn’t mean I have to be as cruel as she’s being,” I reply.

“You’re right and I love you for that.” He pulls me in for a hug.

“I hope you feel that way when I tell you this,” I say, pulling back to look up into his face.

“Nothing will change how I feel,” he whispers.

“I want full custody, Brian. I don’t want my children being raised by a woman who does nothing but bad mouth me.” I look away.

“Justin, she loves…” he starts.

“YOU, Brian. She loves you. And I love those kids. She hates me. I don’t hate her, but I sure as hell don’t like her and I don’t want my kids being raised by someone who can be so manipulative and cruel.” I take a deep breath. “I am going to ask Mel to help me get custody.”

I watch him as he stands there staring at me with a stunned look.

“Justin?” He leans over, kissing me. “I know that you don’t like her and are jealous of her in some ways, but taking her kids away from her isn’t the answer. She’s a good mother; Brianna is proof of that.”

“Yes, she’s a good mother to Brianna, I know that,” I tell him, trying to make him see my point. “But you’re Brianna’s father. Knowing how she feels about me, how can I be sure she’ll ever be able to love my children the way they deserve to be loved? I don’t want them growing up hearing lies about me and that I never wanted them. They deserve better than that, Brian, and so do I.” I pause a moment to allow my words to sink in. “I want them and I’m going to do what I can to get them, with or without your help.” I start to walk away but he pulls me back to him.

“You’re right,” he sighs into my hair. “They deserve to be loved completely and you deserve a chance to be a father to them.” He pulls back and smiles at me. “And you’re going to be a great one.”

“Does that mean you’ll help?” I ask quietly.

“You’re my partner,” he says, stroking the hair from my forehead. “And I love you. I’ll support you in whatever you want to do.” He pulls me close again and I can’t hold back a small sigh of relief.

At least I am not alone in this, I think to myself as we head out of the hospital in search of Mel.