John's Quest

John's Quest

By: Abra de Winter

Beta By: dot – an excellent beta, and a great inspiration.

Pairing: John Hoynes/Ellie Bartlet - Romance

Rating: R

Spoilers: season 5 episodes 15 – "Full Disclosure" and 16 – "Eppur si muove"

Disclaimer: The characters are from the NBC, WB, Bravo, A John Wells Prod., TV show'The West Wing'. They are the creation of Aaron Sorkin.

Feedback: pretty please!


Chapter XV


John raised his eyes from the article he was reading when he heard the soft knock on the door. His brother and his parents were the only people who knew where he was, and he had hoped they knew better than to disturb him in his present state.
Maybe it was room service. Maybe he had forgotten that he had ordered something. He dropped the magazine on the table, ran his fingers through his uncombed hair and went to open the door.

She wasn’t the last person he had expected to see, but he had tried to temper the wild hope that Ellie might come looking for him.

“Hello,” she said.

There she was. The embodiment of his most ardent secret hopes was standing in his doorway. Well, not his doorway. She was standing in the doorway of an anonymous hotel room. He had to remain cool. They had both breathed politics since they were born; he couldn’t let her down by falling too easily at her feet.

“Hi. Come in.”

He watched her walk into his hotel room gracefully and without the slightest hesitation, and wondered briefly if he was dreaming.

“Drink?” he offered politely, not really sure why he needed to act so formal and cool towards her when all he wanted was to hold her in his arms again.

“No, thank you.”

“How did you find me?” he asked, unwilling to get into the real issue.

“The Secret Service.”

Of course. The all-seeing eye of the Presidential Secret Service. He was pleasantly surprised that she had used such a resource. He knew that Ellie had never liked acting like a spoiled daddy’s girl. She didn’t enjoy being a First Daughter. Still, he couldn’t tell her that he appreciated her willingness to use any methods to find him.
“I thought you didn’t want to take advantage of your name.”

“Agent O’Reilly was kind enough to do this as a personal favor. I think she likes us.”

He knew she was watching his reaction to the word “us”, so he did his best not to show any emotion, despite the sudden surge of energy that had flashed through him.

“Why are you here?”

Ellie took in a deep breath. He remembered her doing that just before they had stepped out onto the back porch of the Bartlets’ New Hampshire residence. He tried to brace himself for anything she might say. She could have just come to end their relationship irrevocably. It was just like a Bartlet to want to have the last word.

“I lied to you.”

Maybe he wasn’t ready for anything she could say. He let her pace nervously back and forth, neither willing, nor able, to reassure her.

“I made you think that I was entering casually into our marriage. That if we ever fell apart, I’d be perfectly at ease with a divorce. And I’m not. I’ve seen people madly in love, who got married, and a few years later they hated each other. I’m terrified that we might end up as enemies. You must know how difficult it was for me to let you get close. You have no idea how impossible it feels to imagine being without you. Or worse, hating you...”

He couldn’t let her know she didn’t need to argue her case. He couldn’t tell her that all she had had to do was walk through that door. He couldn’t let her feel safe. Not just yet.

“So you didn’t come all the way to Texas just because you wanted to get out of writing several hundred cards announcing that the wedding is off?”

“What do you think?” She had put as much sarcasm as she could into her reply, but he could sense her fear that he might still doubt her motives.

“I’m not sure,” he said.

“Do you need proof? Let’s cancel the wedding.”

“And move in together?”

“I was thinking more along the lines of an elopement.”

“A small wedding, with a Star Wars theme, in a chapel in Las Vegas...”

“Or without a theme.”

“This is the first time I’ve seen you willing to negotiate.”

“It’s one of the reasons I’ve never had long term relationships. I’m not a good negotiator.”

“You’re doing just fine.”

“Thanks. I guess.”

“Why do you want the wedding, Ellie? Your life would be so much easier if we just lived together. Discreetly. No one would make any fuss over us. We’d be just a slightly-out-of-the-ordinary couple.”

“Are you really backing out of the wedding?”

She sounded hurt, and John finally relented.

“No. I just want you to know you have all the options open.”

“I love peace and quiet. I’d love to have a nice, slightly out of the ordinary life with you. But just because it would be more comfortable, doesn’t make it right. I’m not ashamed of us. And I’m not afraid. Not of the public, anyway.”

She was afraid he might hurt her. After all, he had hurt Suzanne. In some strange way, he had hurt Helen, too. And she didn’t know the names of the others, but she knew there had been others. He had always known that his past was standing in the path of Ellie’s trust.

“I love you, Ellie. I’m not going to repeat any of my mistakes.”

He waited for her “I love you, too, John.”

“I trust you.”

He had never thought that anything other than her “I love you” could move him so deeply. He had been wrong. He knew she loved him. He had known it for months. But now she had taken the last step toward him. He had her love, and her trust. He had everything.

He had always known how to do the hearts and flowers, but he didn’t need such artifices with Ellie. Besides, there was nothing he could say to express what he was feeling.

“Then the wedding is back on,” he said simply.

“The Washington wedding or the Las Vegas, Star Wars wedding?”

She was smiling. She didn’t need hearts and flowers. She only needed his heart, and he was only too happy to give it to her.

“That depends. What kind of underwear are you wearing?” he asked suddenly.

“Excuse me?”

She looked surprised, but she hadn’t backed away. That was a good sign. She remained still, and held his gaze when he stepped closer.

“What type? What color?”

She was blushing. If he hadn’t forgiven her doubts the moment she had entered his room, he would have forgiven her know. If that were the first time they had met, he would have fallen in love with her now. She wasn’t smiling yet, but he could tell she was beginning to feel safe. He knew Ellie was going to play his little bedroom game, but he wasn’t sure how far she was willing to go. Or how much self-control he had left.

“It’s a subconscious indication of your emotions, and I want to know,” he said, knowing that his voice sounded husky, betraying his arousal.

He was so close to her that her discreet, and yet intoxicating, scent was making him dizzy. It was a scent that sometimes lingered on his shirt after their dates. A scent he wanted to smell on the pillow next to him when he woke up. He enjoyed it when his instinctual, wilder side took over, and the knowledge that Ellie had reacted intensely every time he had let the wolf out prompted him to keep playing.

He moved so that he was standing behind her, breathing in her scent. He saw her shudder almost imperceptibly as his breath touched her skin. Every word he said became another caress on her neck.

“For instance, if you were wearing panties with ducks on, and a sports bra, I would be forced to think that you came here sure that we wouldn’t be able to solve our problems, and in that case I think the Vegas wedding would be best. Less pressure, more discreet.”

“And if I’m wearing a black, lacy, demi-cup bra, and edible panties? What would you think then?”

“Edible? Really?” he asked, ruining the smooth, seductive character he had tried to play.

It turned out to be a good move, because Ellie laughed. A small, high, very tense giggle that revealed both her arousal and her anxiety.

“No. Not really.”

John loved this particular pitch of her voice. It was completely alien to the usual warm, funny tone she had when they just talked. It was a tone she got sometimes, late at night, when she had missed him so much that she would let go of her inhibitions and engage him in erotic conversations on the phone. He was glad he was standing behind her. He wanted Ellie to think that he was in control, although everything inside him was spinning madly.

He looked at their image in the French doors of the balcony. Night had fallen over Austin, and the doors were as good as a mirror. She was trembling, still a few inches away from his body. He put his arms around her, but he was in no mood for a chaste embrace.

“So? What are you wearing?” he said, placing his hands on her breasts and gently pulling her to him. He could feel her heart flutter in his left palm, and he knew she must be able to feel his own heart beat against her shoulder blade.

“No Star Wars theme,” she reminded him in a dazed whisper.

“OK, Washington it is,” he said, and squeezed her breasts gently, before starting to unbutton her shirt. “So?”

“You’ll just have to look and see, won’t you?” she murmured.

“Ellie...”

“Hmm?” she purred when his lips slid onto the side of her neck.

No. He wasn’t going to ask her if she was sure. He wasn’t going to ask her for permission. She had come into his room of her own free will. She was an adult. A consenting adult. The hell with “are you sure?”

He unzipped her skirt, and slid it off her. Her panties were black, lacy and very, very revealing. And she was wearing stockings. It was everything he could have wished for. She was definitely a consenting adult.

Ellie didn’t say anything when he put his hands on her hips, but he felt her tensing under his touch. He slipped his thumbs beneath the elastic band of her panties, expecting to be confronted with her usual evasive maneuvers, but instead he heard her let out a wanton sigh she let out. He proceeded to take off her panties, constantly aware that she could still ask him to stop. But she didn’t. Once the black lace touched the floor, Ellie stepped out of the small bundle of clothes, pushed them away with her foot and turned around to face him. She watched him unbuttoning her shirt, and then it too fell to the floor, followed by her bra, which was also black and lacy. Then her next words put an end to that level of their game.

“John, bed.”

He didn’t know where he found the strength to sweep her into his arms and carry her into the bedroom.