More Than Friends

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It was as if two crewmates had left, instead of just one. Wash couldn’t believe how empty the ship seemed without Jayne – there was always more than enough to eat these days, no rude and thoughtless comments being made at odd moments…but there was precious little laughter to be had. Kaylee seemed to be constantly on edge; it seemed as if anything and everything could set her off. Her face would crumple and she would start to cry at the slightest provocation...it was such a departure from her normal, sunny self that none of them really knew how to handle. On a ship the size of Serenity, there was no room for secrets of any kind so they all knew exactly what had happened. Wash sighed and slumped back in the pilot’s chair. He couldn’t blame Jayne for needing to leave, or Kaylee for needing him to stay; it was just one of those things where you couldn’t blame one person for it. It was just a bad situation.

She hadn’t said a word about it, but he knew quite well that she had expected him to come back by now – but it was going on two months now and they hadn’t seen hide nor hair of the big guy. At the very least, they should have heard some ‘scut on the stations about a huge man wearing a ridiculous hat…

He looked up with a smile as Zoë stuck her head in the door. “Hey, sailor…care to spend some time?”

“With you? Always.”

Maybe he’d ask Monty about Jayne’s whereabouts the next time they saw him. For now, he had more pleasant matters to think about.


_ _ _ _ _ _


Jayne sighed and rolled onto his back, puttin’ his hands behind his head as he stared up at the ceiling and thought about Kaylee. Why’d it all have to be so complicated? The loss of her felt like someone’d stolen a part of him away, an’ he wanted nothin’ more than to get it back. She’d wormed her way so deep under his skin that he didn’t think he’d ever get her out. Wasn’t even sure if’n he wanted to get her out, but one thing was sure – she’d twisted him up inside but good. Seemed like every damned thing he saw or heard reminded him of her, an’ it fair drove him up the wall that a man as old as he was still felt like cryin’ like a gorram baby. Weren’t natural, and not very man-like. Unsettlin’, was what it was.

Monty was a fair boss, he supposed. Didn’t ask questions he knew Jayne wouldn’t answer, but he’d have to be a fool not to guess it was somethin’ ‘bout Serenity that made him leave in the first place. He got paid regular, and that was fine in Jayne’s book. Not that he had anyone to spend it on now, an’ he couldn’t make himself go spend it on any whores. Mostly he just sent a third of his cut to his Ma, saved a third of it for ammo and the like, an’ the rest he spent on gettin’ as blind drunk as he could as long as they weren’t on a job. The rest of the crew learned real quick to steer clear, even though on past runs they’d spent a whole mess of time together; they knew by now that he wanted to be left alone, an’ he guessed he was grateful that none of ‘em pushed for details though sometimes he kinda wished someone would ask.

Ma knew somethin’ was wrong, but then ma’s always knew when their own were in trouble. She wanted him to come home, said there weren’t nothin’ wrong that she couldn’t fix, and he was sorely tempted. He hadn’t been home in a while, an’ it’d be nice to be somewhere where someone understood him at least a little. If he couldn’t go to Kaylee, he s’posed his Ma was the next best thing. Well, after a fashion. She never let him forget that she’d always be there for him, but although he didn’t need the reminder it was always good to hear. Ma had hinted that she might finally let him hook up a Cortex screen for her if he came to visit, which made him smile over how she always went on and on about “newfangled things” even though everyone else in town’d had one when he was still a young’un.

He wrote letters to Kaylee every night, knowin’ he’d never send ‘em to her. Made him feel like she was closer to him somehow – he’d tell her about his day an’ what sort of crime he’d taken part in, as well as describin’ parts of the engine they was flyin’ with. The letters tellin’ her about how much he missed her usually got crumpled up and tossed in the trash until the one day he saw Monty lookin’ at him funny and he figured out that his new captain musta read one. He stopped writin’ for a spell to throw the man off, then started back up an’ just kept the papers hidden in the bag he kept his clothes in. Jayne didn’t know why, but it was like he couldn’t stop because if he did it would mean that wherever she was, she would know. She would know, an’ decide on someone else…hell, for all he knew she already had.

“Cobb! Get your hairy ass out here, we’re landin’,” came the shout from the corridor. He shoved the latest half-written letter under his cot and glanced in the small, cracked mirror as he walked to the door. Kaylee would have a knicker fit if she could see him now, but then she’d never liked him with stubble…an’ she’d always cut his hair if’n she thought it was too long. Right now, it was all over the ruttin’ place. He couldn’t help but grin at his reflection, thinkin’ of what she’d say to him. Land sakes alive, Jayne Cobb – you look more like Sasquatch than Zoë says Monty does! Jayne’s good mood lasted all the way up to the bridge to do weapons check, when he looked out the front screen to see that they was landin’ right near a mightily familiar lookin’ firefly class ship.


_ _ _ _ _ _


“Okay, people – shouldn’t be too much of a fuss bein’ made over the goods. We’re just here to do a pick-up and then we’re out,” Mal warned them.

“Keep close and make sure none of the captain’s ex-wives pop up out of nowhere,” Zoë deadpanned, drawin’ a glare from their captain. Kaylee felt the closest to a giggle she’d been ever since Jayne’d left ‘em on Kerry. Now they was landin’ on Highgate to pick up some hot equipment, an’ it really did look a lot like the situation they’d been in when Saffron snuck on board the last time. “Although maybe Monty’s learned by now not to trust strange women.”

Kaylee summoned up a tired smile at the mention of Monty. “We love Monty,” she commented dutifully.

“We wanna be off this moon just as soon as we can, so we’ll need all hands,” Mal called out as soon as they’d scouted out their portion of the goods. “Even you, lil’ Kaylee.” He pressed her shoulder as he walked past, and she sighed as she went to pull on her boots for dirtside work. Mal pointed out which ones that needed movin’ and Kaylee pulled the Mule up, hoppin’ down to start loadin’.

She’d almost finished, makin’ a few trips back to the ship with Wash, when the pilot suddenly got a weird look on his face and said he had to go. “Go? Go where? I can’t lift this by myself,” she protested to his quickly disappearin’ back. “Just shiny.” Kaylee bent to get a better grip on the crate and was heavin’ hard as she could when a pair of arms reached down past her and lifted it easy as could be. “Whu….?” She trailed off as Jayne turned back to her. “Thanks,” she said lamely, then could’ve kicked herself. Thanks?

He just nodded. “All these need to go?”

“ Yeah, I was gettin’ em but…” she gestured over her shoulder. “…Wash just left so it’s just me.” Talk to me; just say you’re comin’ back. “So, um, you’re crewin’ for Monty?”

Jayne started liftin’ the crates onto the Mule, ignorin’ her question until the last one was loaded. “Yeah, just for a while.” Her hopes were shot down when he rolled his shoulders and looked back down at her. “Got me another job lined up.”

Kaylee glanced over to where Monty, Mal and Zoë were talkin’, watchin’ the both of ‘em in a way that let her know they was talkin’ ‘bout her and Jayne. “You think we can go somewhere to talk?” she asked hopefully.

“Don’t think so, I got work to do.” Even so, he stayed right there lookin’ at her.

“You’d better get to it, then. I won’t keep ya,” she said, wantin’ to just throw herself into his arms and have everything be like before it all went wrong.

Those blue eyes just kept watchin’ her. “I will, an’ you ain’t.”

She studied him by the glow of the ship lights. “Looks like you an’ Monty are competin’ for Zoë’s title of Sasquatch,” she finally blurted out, unable to help it.

Jayne’s eyes got real bright for some reason an’ he coughed into his hand. “Look, I got work,” he reminded her.

“You said that,” she agreed. “I got some work, too.” Before she even knew what she was doin’ she was movin’ forward for him.

“Best not,” he said quickly. “Might see you sometime.” With that, he turned and loped back to his new crew and she was left fightin’ back the tears once more.


_ _ _ _ _ _


Jayne’s eyes stung with unwanted tears as he moved away from her, tryin’ to stop himself from turnin’ right back around to take her in his arms. Ai ya, she were even more meili than he remembered her to be. When he’d gotten himself under control enough to lift his face into the light, he nodded to Mal an’ got the rest of his orders on where to stow the cargo. He turned at the top of the ramp, feelin’ a guilty twinge as he saw Kaylee doin’ the exact same thing. She’d seemed to still want him, at least a little…but he hadn’t felt like he could ask somethin’ like that. It was a gorram dirty trick Monty’d pulled on him, not tellin’ him that they was loadin’ at the same time Serenity was. He glared at his new captain and turned away to stack the crates for lift off – as he bent to move the first box, he missed seeing the papers Monty passed to Zoë.

The days went by quickly enough, with the nights filled with dreams of Kaylee – he was glad he’d gotten a single bunk at times like that, no matter how much teenier it was than the one he used to have. Even though there weren’t hardly room for his own self, he desperately wanted to share what little space he had with her. Monty pulled some more nasty tricks on him, meetin’ up with Mal an’ makin’ sure he was along for the ride – Mal would always bring Kaylee, an’ he never knew quite what to say to her. Each time he tried to ask her if’n he could come back to her, his pride just wouldn’t let the words come out even though that was the reason they were in this mess to begin with. After three more months of puttin’ up with it, he was tired of the two captains tryin’ to mess with him an’ left for a welding job he was offered on Silverhold.

_ _ _ _ _ _


It sure was a fine mess they were in, Mal thought to himself. Another hired gun had up and quit, like the position was cursed or something. He scowled down at the gun he was cleaning carefully, then looked back up to see Inara watching him with a bemused expression on her face. “Something funny?”

“Hmm? No, I was just thinking about something.”

Mal set the gun down with a sigh. “I could use some amusin’ thoughts if you don’t mind sharing,” he said pointedly.

Inara smiled and folded her hands beneath her chin as she watched him. “I was actually thinking about Kaylee and Jayne.”

“If I ever thought that somethin’ like this would happen, would’ve told ‘em they weren’t allowed to bunk together. I’d like to knock both their heads together so one of ‘em gets some bits of sense in their skulls.” He thought back to the last run-in they’d had with the mercenary…he and Monty had planned a get together on Whitefall in the hopes that those two would come to what little senses they possessed, but he’d just watched as Kaylee and Jayne had gone apart to talk. Hadn’t been but five minutes til Kaylee had turned away lookin’ mightily upset, and Jayne had just settled for lookin’ uncomfortable as she walked away from him. “Don’t know what’s wrong with them,” he grumped.

Her smile widened. “Probably the exact same thing that was wrong with both of us. Give them time, they’re just...”

“Acting like a pair of idjits in love for the first time,” he complained.

“….because they are a pair of idiots in love for the first time, Malcolm,” she said pointedly. “Actually, I was thinking about the letters Jayne wrote to her.”

“I didn’t see any letters,” Mal said. “You read ‘em? I didn’t even know Jayne could write.”

She eyeballed him as if she was about to say somethin’ not too nice about him. “Zoë gave them to me for safekeeping – and no, I’m not going to tell you where they are so don’t ask – and I’ve been wondering whether or not to give them to her.” She sat back in the chair, sighing. “I think it’s best to just let Jayne tell her himself, but I don’t know anymore.”

“Couldn’t hurt, now could it? Be nice to see somethin’ even faintly resemblin’ a smile on her face,” Mal mused.


_ _ _ _ _ _


Kaylee curled up on the narrow bed, pullin’ the balled up tee shirt close and inhalin’ the faint scent that rose from it. She’d slept with it so often, she’d nearly sniffed the smell of gun powder an’ oil right out of the fabric but until it started to smell more like her than Jayne, she’d keep it with her. At times she felt like burnin’ the gorram thing, but she knew she’d be sorry after. Damn that man to hell, she thought angrily, sittin’ up to throw the shirt across the bunk so it bounced off the fluffy pink party dress she had hung up. What’s his ruttin’ problem? We don’t hardly see each other at all no more after he threw a hissy at Monty an’ Mal’s settin’ us up together, an’ he don’t wave or write me…. It’s goin’ on six months since he left, an’ I should find myself a new man like he said I should. Kaylee flopped back down on the bed, wipin’ at her eyes angrily. Don’t even know why I even cry for that stupid chun zi, he don’t seem to be missin’ me any.

Well, that weren’t exactly true. She’d seen the look on his face each time their eyes met, an’ knew there was somethin’ still there for her. There had to be ‘cause Tien help her, but she still loved him. Kaylee figured she loved him even more now she knew what she was missin’. Lord, Jayne…I don’t want no one else. If’n she could just talk to him, really talk, she’d tell him so. And then ask him if he still loved her.

A sound made her sit back up again in startlement, and she climbed up the ladder to open the hatch and look around. That was odd – weren’t no one in the hall. Her eyes fell lastly on a pile of paper that was tucked right beside her door and reached out for it curiously. Looked like crumpled bits of….letters…to her? She felt her heart speedin’ up and slid down the ladder to the light. Oh, Tien, it’s Jayne’s writin’. “Dear Kaylee…” She sank back down on the bed to read, her hands shakin’ so bad she could barely hold the paper still.


_ _ _ _ _ _


He’d found out that if he worked hard enough, he didn’t have so much time to think on what he didn’t have…he just tried to get too tired to spare her a thought. Not like it ever worked, but he still tried. Bein’ busy helped a bit, though. Jayne found himself a decent job at Silverhold’s main shipyard, weldin’ whatever needed it and with the pieces of go se that he’d seen land, he didn’t think he’d ever be hurtin’ for a job. He missed the black, but thought it might be for the best that he was land bound for a spell – he’d written back home, and Mattie had even promised to come visit. Was actually due in sometime durin’ the next few days, so Jayne felt relieved at finally bein’ able to talk about what was botherin’ him… he hadn’t wanted to write it down for some reason; just didn’t feel right discussin’ something like that in a letter and he felt that talkin’ about it might help him figure out just what to do. ‘Specially since he’d seen Serenity touch down last night an’ saw that they’d filed an intent to stay for at least four days to refuel and whatnot.

Jayne finished weldin’ a seam and sat back on his heels to flip up the protective visor – it was hotter’n all seven hells this time of year, and his clothes were just about stuck to his body with sweat. One of the local whores sauntered past, callin’ out her price and eyein’ him up like they always did when they were workin’ the yard. Weeks past, he’d gone with one of ‘em because he’d been feelin’ a bit more needful than he was used to. His body had been willin’ enough until he got out of his clothes and she got outta hers, and he’d even felt on her some. But then she had to open her mouth an’ talk to him, and all he could think about was Kaylee an’ the things she’d say to him when he was about to put it down on her, so he paid the whore and left to go start a fight. Since then, the rest of ‘em had kept comin’ round like he was some sort of challenge. He waved her away and put away the weldin’ gear so he could head back to his quarters and shower before he tried to find Kaylee. Even if he couldn’t get up enough courage to go talk to her, at least he could look at her some ‘thout her knowin’ it so he didn’t have to worry about his heart bein’ in his eyes while he watched her.

_ _ _ _ _ _


Kaylee tucked the oft-read pieces of paper underneath her pillow as she headed on up the ladder – they were due to have dinner off ship for once and since it was Wash’s turn to cook, that meant that they were gonna get real food. River was smilin’ at her happily when she closed her bunk hatch. “Hey, River – you ready to go?”

“I am, but are you ready for what you’ll find tonight?” the younger girl grinned, bouncing on her toes in a rare display of glee.

“I’m ready to find some food that ain’t burned, that’s for sure,” Kaylee laughed back, linkin’ arms with her friend and steerin’ her towards the cargo bay to meet up with the rest of the crew. Their newest hired gun had already taken himself off somewhere, which was just fine in her book…the man wasn’t much company and kept himself to himself.

She supposed she just didn’t like him for havin’ Jayne’s old bunk, but still. Wash hadn’t taken a shine to him either. Simon smiled at them when they came down the stairs laughin’ at a joke River told her, and Kaylee smiled back. “Look at that, it’s a smile,” Wash called out. He looped one arm around her shoulders and one around Zoë’s as he steered them down the ramp and kept up a stream of talk all the way to the place River had picked from browsin’ the Cortex. One of her laces came untied and she dropped back behind the others, tellin’ ‘em that she’d catch up.

Kaylee knelt on the pavement to retie her boot lace quickly, but not quick enough to be able to stand up an’ run when fingers closed about her arm. She shrieked as loud as she could, kickin’ out hard and hearin’ whoever it was grunt as she hit him. The hand let go, and she spun to renew her assault just as Jayne had taught her when she realized who it was who’d caught hold of her in the first place. “Jayne? ’”

“Shiny t’see you too,” he gasped, holdin’ his side. “Was just wonderin’ if’n you were okay, you stopped so sudden.”

She touched apologetic fingers to his hand. “Yeah, my lace just got untied.”

“Guess it’s a good thing you ain’t forgotten what I showed ya but gorram, Kaylee.” He straightened up, still rubbin’ his side. She looked up at him, just feastin’ her eyes. He looked so swai and just so, so good to her after all this time. The thought of the letters made her stomach jump a bit, and she wondered if now would finally be the time he quit his foolin’ and came back to Serenity. She was still tryin’ to wrap her brain about the fact that he was here, and his hair….! Kaylee’d never seen it so long, in his eyes an’ all. For a wonder, it was even all curly and it looked like he was even bigger than he’d been since the last time she’d seen him. “You look mighty…nice tonight,” he said, like he was embarrassed.

“And you, you look real good.”

Jayne shuffled his feet like a little boy an’ hooked his thumb over his shoulder. “There’s a…place…over there, if’n you wanna talk or…”

“Okay,” she blurted.

He looked surprised. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.”


tbc…
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