John's Quest

John's Quest

By: Abra de Winter

Beta By: dot - without her help the story would not be nearly as good as it is. Any mistakes left in the story - all mine

Pairing: John Hoynes/Ellie Bartlet - Romance

Rating: PG13

Spoilers: season 5 episodes 15 – "Full Disclosure" and 16 – "Eppur si muove"

Disclaimer: The characters are from the NBC, WB, Bravo, A John Wells Prod., TV show, 'The West Wing'. They are the creation of Aaron Sorkin.

Feedback: pretty please!

Chapter XII

“It's not the end of the world if we don't wait.”

She found it impossible to argue while he was squeezing her breast with one hand, his other hand sliding down her dress.

'I’ll stop if you ask me, but I wish you wouldn’t. God, you’re so beautiful.”

How could she tell him to stop when his hot breath on her neck was scorching her skin, and lighting a fire deep within her body, the kind of fire no number of cold showers could put out…? She couldn't, so she didn't say anything. She let him do what he wanted, and prayed that he didn't come to his senses and send them back to picking flower arrangements for the wedding.

“I want you so bad,” he said, breathing heavily, while his hands sneaked beneath her panties.

“I want you, too,” she replied, as if he wouldn't have known that already by the wetness that soaked his fingers as he rubbed small circles over her throbbing flesh.

“Yeah?” he grunted. “How bad?”

“Soooo bad,” she moaned, and spread her legs just a little further apart...

“What do you think about this one?” Zoey asked, rousing Ellie from her daydream. She was holding yet another design for the bridesmaids’ dresses.

“Huh? Sure. Do you like it?”

“You know, it’s no fun doing this if you keep spacing out every five minutes.”

“I got a wedding coordinator just so that I didn't have to do so much stuff. Why don't you ask her? This is ridiculous.”

“I hope you’re not about to bring up that stupid plan again,” Zoey warned her.

“Why not? What’s wrong with just us and our families on a beach somewhere? I don’t need all this.”

“You mean you don’t want to show him off? He’s a good looking guy. For his age.”

“I just want this to be over! I thought the press was on my case before. Now I get three requests for interviews a day and I can’t open a magazine without reading something about us.”

“You had it easy up to now. You’ve made your choice. And you shouldn’t be too hopeful that it will be over after the wedding either.”

“Yes, but after the wedding we can lock ourselves in the house.”

“I wish you'd stop reminding me you’re sleeping with him.”

“Fine. OK then. Can we settle on this one? In lavender?” Ellie waved vaguely at the sketch in Zoey's hand.

“You really don’t want to put any thought into this wedding, do you?”

Ellie sighed, and looked at the calendar again. Time seemed to be crawling.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


‘She never knocks!’ he thought.

Helen Baldwin had entered his office with her usual aplomb. She sat across the desk from him, like any other client.

“You look good,” she said.

“Why are you here?” John asked.

“I missed you.”

No. That wasn’t right. She couldn’t have missed him. She hated him. She had tried to destroy him. And she had damn near succeeded.

“Now the real reason,” he demanded.

She stood up, and began pacing. He wondered if she was really nervous or she was just showing off her body. She looked good. Better than he remembered through the cloud of resentment.

“I’m sorry. I came to tell you that I am sorry for what I did to you.”

“Do you intend to come to the point any time soon? I have a business dinner at seven.”

She walked slowly to his side. She was so close… All of a sudden the last two years seemed to have never passed. She was wearing the same perfume. The one that clung to his skin long after he left her bed. Her hair was longer, and suddenly he had the need to reach out and caress it. It felt soft and silky under his fingers. He had always thought of her hair as black silk. He remembered everything now. Not just the hatred and self loathing. He remembered being in love with her. Truly in love. And, of course, he remembered the lust. His body reacted again to her presence.

“I really did miss you, John.”

Her whisper found its way under his skin. Parts of him were melting, while others were stiffening.

“John.”

She said his name like a prayer. He felt her breath on his cheek and could not find the will to step away from her.

Her mouth found his. The kiss ignited all the passion he had tried so hard to forget.

“Can you forgive me?” she begged.

“Shut up,” he said.

He didn’t want to think any more. He wanted to lose himself in her arms, in her body. She let him in, no questions asked, no demands. She relished his desire. They came together like two thirsting people at a mountain spring.

He thrust into her, harder and faster, until he exploded in her depths. She was shaking from her own orgasm when John poured his liquid fire into her.

“Oh, John, yes,” she moaned.

“Oh, Ellie,” he groaned and woke up.

‘This is something to tell your therapist,’ he thought.

Oliver had advised him to go to a shrink after the divorce, but he had decided to bury himself in work instead. This dream, however, was not something he could conceal under a ton of paperwork.

Why was his subconscious bringing back Helen? He hadn’t thought about her in a long time. It was even longer since he had thought about her fondly. Did he miss Helen? Did he really need sex so badly? No. He was actually happy with his relative celibacy. He liked having phone sex with Ellie. And most of all he enjoyed the knowledge that she wanted him. Whenever he remembered the highlights of their weekend at the Bartlets, he lost his concentration and it took a great deal of discipline to get back to reality.

So why had Helen popped up out of his subconscious if it wasn’t for the sex? The other thing he associated with her was mistrust. She had betrayed him. He thought he’d never trust anyone again after that. Definitely not a woman. Least of all an attractive woman. An attractive woman who seemed to be attracted to him. But he trusted Ellie. Didn't he?


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


The shrill sound of the phone woke her up. Ellie opened one eye and looked at the display. She smiled and answered.

“I was dreaming about you,” she said.

“Tell me everything,” John said.

“In twenty days, I’ll show you.”

“Nineteen days.”

“I miss you so much.”

“I thought you might.”

“That’s why you called? You’re so considerate.”

“Oh, I’m a regular boy scout.”

“You mean you’re always ready?”

“I’m always ready for you, baby.”

“That’s comforting. And slightly frustrating.”

“I called because I had to know what ice sculpture you’ve chosen.”

Ellie groaned into the phone. He’d better be joking!!!

“Oh God, this is a nightmare, isn’t it?”

She heard him laugh a little and the need to have him in her bed became stronger.

“I still can’t believe you don’t like planning the wedding. I always thought girls loved this sort of thing.”

“Most of them do. All the women in my family certainly do. Although I have a suspicion that Zoey’s only doing it to see me squirm. She keeps asking me to choose between dozens of shades and textures and stuff. The only thing that keeps me going is the prospect of the honeymoon. How are you holding on?”

“Great. Time seems to have slowed down considerably, but other than that I’m OK. Besides, all I have to do is be in church at the right time.”

“You lucky bastard! I feel like I’m planning to rob a bank. The wedding coordinator must have run a prison in a previous life. She’s scary!”

“I’m sorry to hear that. I was hoping you'd be having fun.”

“No. Not really. Are you having fun?”

“I was working on the vows and it just made me realize how much I miss you and how much I wish I were with you.”

“Me too. About the vows, though. You really want us to write our own vows?”

“Why?”

“Well, I’m sort of having trouble. I tried to write one that would sound good to my parents and the general public, but it came out all stiff and fake. Then I tried to write one just for you…”

“And?”

“And… I kept falling into these never ending daydreams… Not wedding vows material…It’s your damn fault for what you did to me that weekend!”

“Good.” His voice was husky and Ellie shivered.

“You don’t have to enjoy it so much.”

“Why not? Wouldn’t you like to hear that I have an x-rated dreams about you, too?”

“Do you?”

“Honey, I could write a book.”

“You should. Or at least give it a chapter in your memoirs.”

“Why the hell would I write my memoirs?”

“Come on, honey, you’re not going to let Helen have the last word.”

She had meant it as a joke, but the silence at the other end of the line was deafening. Ellie had told him long ago that she had read Helen’s book. She wished he had healed enough to joke about it. Perhaps it was too soon. She was lying. She didn’t just want him to heal; she wanted him to be indifferent to Helen, so she, Ellie, wouldn’t be jealous any more. Jealousy was a whole new emotion for Ellie, who had never cared so much for anyone before. She didn’t like being jealous.

How could she be jealous of a woman who had nearly destroyed him? Because that woman had changed the course of his life. She couldn’t compete with that. Not unless she got him elected President. Anything short of that wouldn’t measure up to the earthquake that had been Helen Baldwin. Getting him the highest office was something Suzanne had tried, and John had failed at for reasons Ellie couldn’t still fully understand. She did not feel about Suzanne the same way she felt about Helen. But she couldn’t tell him any of this.

“I love you, Ellie.”

He had said it before, and she had believed him. But this time his voice was strange, almost pathetic. The declaration had broken the flow of their conversation. Why did he feel the need to say it after she had mentioned Helen? Doubts started creeping from her subconscious.

“I love you, too,” she replied instinctively, covering the doubts buzzing in her head.

She stared into the dark for a while after she had hung up. The doubts were homing in on her. The first one was a timid: What if Dad is right? She squashed it with from force of habit. Her father was often right, but never about her.

What was she doing marrying a man almost twice her age? A man she knew for a fact was a cheater… A man who knew how to manipulate women… An ex-politician… Hadn’t she decided not to hurry into a marriage? She should have lived with him for a while before rushing into such a commitment. She should have at least slept with him. Well, it was unlikely that the sex would be the deal breaker. There was no way in hell she wasn’t going to enjoy that. Considering the effect he had on her with all their clothes on. Oh, yes. That was a possible answer. Her hormones had taken her over.