Within Your Heart

Merlin woke from his sleep a little groggily. The pain in his head had dulled to a faint throb. Merlin would have used magic, except he had never been able to study healing and didn’t feel he could risk such a thing. Gaius had given him something for the pain and it had let him doze off into a comfortable sleep. The castle physician had been impressed by Merlin’s concern for using his magic. At least the boy wouldn’t use it carelessly and actually harm someone.

Merlin had retired to his room soon after, as Arthur had wished him goodnight. He had sunk into the feather mattress after taking the medicinal draught and gazed up at the canopy. He had smiled to himself and while thinking that Arthur wasn’t that bad after all, he fell into restful slumber.

It had been a pleasant way to wake up, to the sound of birdsong, rather than his mother’s shouting. He made his way to the window and opened the curtains. He grinned down at the sight that met him. The snow had fallen thick and deep outside and was one of the most tempting sights Merlin had ever seen. He looked across to his clothes and found they had gone.

“Will, where’s my clothes?” The wardrobe sniggered.

“They went for washing. They were soaked. Gwen took them.” Merlin could feel his skin colouring at the thought that the maid had come in while he was asleep.

“Um, I don’t have anything to wear,” he said again, looking out the window rather than at the wardrobe that he was sure was wearing a rather wicked smirk.

“I’m sure the master wouldn’t mind the view,” Will told him casually. “I certainly don’t mind.” There was a definite dirty chuckle emanating from the piece of furniture as Merlin wrapped his arms around himself, despite wearing a nightshirt. “The light does wonders for you too.” Merlin realised that the bright light was making the fabric see through and therefore making the garment completely useless. He edged away from the window. “Oh you’re no fun! But if you insist.” He opened one of his doors and took out some clothes which Merlin hastily put on, knowing the wardrobe was ogling at every opportunity. Merlin looked down at himself then at the mirror that resided in Will’s other door.

“This is too much. I can’t wear this.”

“Why not?”

“I – I look like a prince.” Will chuckled.

“And why shouldn’t you. It’s not like ours looks like one at the moment. Anyway, here, if you’re planning to go out, you will need this.” Will handed Merlin another garment.

-x-

“That’s my coat!” Arthur groused.

“And it looks good on him,” Gwen smiled.

“It’s too big on his shoulders and makes it sit wrong,” Arthur continued to grumble.

“Well, at least it’s getting some use,” Gwen added.

“He’s too skinny; we need to feed him up,” Arthur carried on. Gwen giggled.

“And since when has someone else’s welfare been your concern?” She was sure if Arthur could blush he would have done so now. He turned frowning blue eyes at her instead.

“I’m not; I just don’t want him dying of starvation or anything.” Gwen smiled fondly as she watched the sight in front of her.

“Of course your highness, I’ll see to it myself.”

“Thank you, Gwen.” Gwen paused for a moment, surprised at the small and simple phrase. She smiled fondly at him and gave a little bob before bouncing off. Arthur continued to watch the sight in front of him. “I don’t think I’ve ever thought about anyone the way I do him,” Arthur murmured. “Last night-”

“Huh hmm. I don’t think we need to hear about that sire,” Gaius said formally. Arthur glared at him; Gaius shuddered a little, making the blue liquid inside swish around.

“Last night,” Arthur continued, “I realised I need to prove to him that I trust him. Despite what happened yesterday. I need to show him that I’m not going to bite his head off or anything. But I don’t know how.” He looked across to Gaius and Lancelot, who were both staring out of the window as Merlin flopped on the ground with a big grin on his face. “What is he doing?” Arthur huffed.

“I think he’s making snow angels your highness.”

“Making what?”

“Watch,” Lancelot told him. Arthur watched sceptically as Merlin waved his arms and legs around before carefully trying to stand up. Arthur could see the print left behind. Inside he thought it was almost sweet, to his servants he grumbled,

“He’s going to get soaked again. He’ll get a chill and get ill or something. And he’s ruining my coat. Idiot.” Both servants turned to look at their master with surprise. When had such a term become to sound more like an endearment? “So, are you going to answer my question?” Arthur asked while still gazing out of the window, his long snout huffing against the glass leaving it to steam up slightly.

“Ah, um.” Arthur turned his head with an eyebrow raised sceptically. Gaius quickly remembered the question. “Of course sire, you could… write a letter.” Arthur snorted in a most un-princely fashion. Gaius glared back but continued, “Or you could give him flowers, I suppose.”

“That’s your territory, Gaius, and besides the fact that I have already called him a girl, I think it will send out the wrong message.” Arthur crossed his arms.

“No, you need something bigger than that,” Lancelot muttered thoughtfully. “Something that he would care about, something that would be special to him.” Lancelot smiled.

-x-

Merlin sighed heavily,

“Arthur, I don’t think this is suitable-” Arthur snorted.

“Merlin, you’re the one who wears those neckerchiefs; I’ve just put it to good use.”

“How is blindfolding me a good use,” He could feel Arthur’s large paws leading him onwards and it surprised him how soft they felt against his skin, the leathery pads warm and sent little prickles down his arms. Something he would never admit and was mentally telling himself he wasn’t feeling anyway. That, as well as the thought it felt… nice.

“You will see. Patience is a virtue, Merlin.” Merlin whined. Arthur grinned. “Wait here.” Merlin could hear Arthur padding about but had no idea what he was up to. Finally the soft paws grabbed his hands again and moved him once more before he stopped again. He felt Arthur trying to untie the neckerchief and raised his own hands to help. When the fabric finally fell away, Merlin looked around the room he was standing in.

“It’s a library. There are books.” Despite feeling as if he had missed something, he was silently impressed. It was a huge room with books reaching from floor to ceiling.

“Wrong Merlin. This is part of the library.” Merlin’s eyes widened.

“Only a part…” His voice trailed off in wonder.

“This is a very special part.” Arthur leaned forward so his jaw was right next to Merlin’s ear. Carefully he whispered, “These are all magic books.” Merlin spun round, his cheeks slightly flushed but the excitement bright in his eyes. “They are of no use to me. I want you to have them.” Merlin looked around with complete delight.

“I – I don’t know what to say.” Arthur just smiled. “Thank you,” Merlin said almost in a whisper. He turned around and hugged Arthur who froze to the spot. When the boy hesitated he relaxed slightly.

“Your welcome.”

-x-

Merlin had spent the rest of the morning with the books, looking over spells he had never even dreamed of. Some of the easier ones he tried. Arthur was sitting in a chair reading when a bird that seemed to be made of blue smoke landed on his page. Arthur looked up with wonder to see Merlin, hand outstretched, face a picture of concentration and eyes glowing gold. Arthur watched as the blue bird flew back to Merlin’s hand where it dissolved into smoke and disappeared. Arthur smiled and Merlin smiled back. There was an awkward silence then and Merlin looked at Arthur a little uncertainly.

“What is it?” Arthur asked quietly.

“Oh. Um. Nothing,” Merlin replied and fidgeted while turning away.

“Please. Tell me.” Merlin turned back.

“I… just wondered if those worked.” He pointed to Arthur’s wings. “Can you fly? If I had wings I would have left my home a long time ago.”

“If you had, I would never have met you,” Arthur replied. Merlin’s eyes went wide at that. Arthur continued on, realising what he had just admitted to but ignored it. “Maybe one day I’ll show you.”

Lunch had been an interesting occasion. Gwen had provided them with soup to keep them warm. Merlin had watched with surprise as Arthur had stuck his head in the bowl to lap the liquid up. Merlin couldn’t help but still be curious about that tongue. Arthur noticed the blue gaze on him and turned away sheepishly.

“I’m sorry. It’s just…”

“I understand. It’s difficult. Try this instead.” He held the bowl up and sipped at it. Arthur did so and found it a much less messy experience. He nodded his thanks and wondered how he had ever done without Merlin before.

The afternoon had brought another decision to go outside. Merlin and Arthur were now full pelt into a snowball fight. Arthur had a very good aim, but Merlin used his magic despite Arthur’s insistence he was cheating.

Gwen, Lancelot and Gaius all watched from the window.

“Do you think it’s possible?” Gwen whispered, afraid to break the moment.

“What do you mean Gwen?” Lancelot asked just as quietly.

“That they could, you know, fall in love?” She shifted slightly as she saw Merlin hide behind a tree as Arthur began to pelt him with snowballs.

“It’s a possibility,” Gaius murmured, following the fight as much as the others. “The signs are certainly encouraging.”

“Will it be enough though?” Lancelot winced as Arthur took a hit straight in the face.

“Only time will tell,” Gaius replied sagely.

“But Gaius, we don’t have time,” Gwen said; panic inching into her voice while still watching.

“Then we will just have to hope.” He turned away and hopped off to work. Gwen shifted up to Lancelot and sighed.

-x-

“You’re cheating!”

“Am not!” A chuckle from behind the tree as another snowball flew in Arthur’s direction. It was giving Merlin time to think. How could it be that overnight his whole attitude to Arthur had changed? Needless to say, Arthur had changed also. It was if the incident with the wolves had changed their opinions of each other. They suddenly had a sort of understanding. A sort of trust. Is that what the books had been about? Arthur’s way of telling him he trusted him. Perhaps he should do something in return. But it was clear to Merlin now that the angry façade that Arthur had worn was merely that. He didn’t want anyone to get close. But now that Merlin had there was no reason for it. There was something… sweet about Arthur really. Merlin risked a look around the tree and nearly fell over with laughter. Snow had tangled in Arthur’s fur and there was even some sitting on top of his head. Arthur saw him laugh and scowled.

He wasn’t scowling because Merlin was laughing. He was scowling because he wasn’t sure of the feelings that seeing Merlin so happy brought. It made him feel warm. It made him wonder what else he could do to keep Merlin laughing like that. He never wanted Merlin look as scared as he had when he had run from his rooms. He never wanted Merlin to feel like that again. Arthur suddenly realised he had an overpowering urge to protect Merlin from the world. It scared him.

Soon after, they both decided it was time to go in. It was getting cold and the sky was starting to darken. They had dinner together but Merlin had a difficult job staying awake. With the stresses of the day before having caught up with him and the amount of magic he had used through the day, it was proving too much for him. He dozed off at the table. Arthur carried him to his room, despite a few mumbled objections. He carefully laid Merlin on the bed and pulled the covers up. He took a few moments to just gaze at the sleeping figure. He carefully ran a pad of his paw across one of the high cheekbones. Merlin nuzzled against it, sighing and a faint smile ghosted across his lips. Arthur hesitated. He had never seen THAT smile before. He certainly had never heard the slight moan of happiness that escaped those full lips. It was certainly a sound Arthur would have loved to hear again. He walked away before he got in too deep.