The Hardest Day

Series Title: Lyrics Series

Title: The Hardest Day

Author: ANNE (the insane one)

Rating: R

Summary: Sequel to One Night.

Disclaimer: Characters et al belong to the people that make CSI. "The Hardest
Day" belongs to The Corrs and Alejandro Sanz.

Thanks once again to Kelly J

Once again, we're at Catherine's POV

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One more day, one last look

Before I leave it all behind

And play the role that's meant for us

That said we'd say goodbye

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He doesn't know. As he kisses me, he has no idea that this is it. Tonight
is the last night I will do this. The last night I'll let him touch me, kiss
me. The last night I'll feel his hands on me. Tonight I'm telling him that
we're not going to do this anymore.

Naturally, it was a comment that I overhead from Sara that triggered it.
It wasn't malicious and it wasn't directed at Gil, or me but for some reason
it hurt. She was talking with Nick about a prostitute they'd found dead.
Sara told Nick that she didn't understand why these women let men use them
just to forget about the real things in life.

It was then that it hit me. I may love Gil, and god knows, I'll love him
till the day I die, and probably beyond, but he has no feelings for me. And…this
was the part I had trouble admitting…I was prostituting myself for Gil. I
was, for lack of a better term, a fuck buddy. And I couldn't do it anymore.

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One more night by your side

Where our dreams collide

And all we have is everything

And there's no pain there's no hurt

There's no wrong it's all right

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I moan as he slides inside me and his lips crush mine in a bruising kiss.


I've always been bemused at how I, someone who used to take her clothes off
for a living and parade in front of drunk men, can be so upset about sleeping
with a friend. And then I find how simple the answer is. I didn't love those
men I was in front of. I didn't desire them with every part of myself, and
they didn't know things about me that I nevenever told another soul. The
only similarity was the one-sideness of the situation.

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If I promise to believe will you believe

That there's nowhere that we'd rather be

Nowhere describes where we are

I’ve no choice, I love you

Leave, love you wave goodbye

And all I ever wanted was to stay

And nothing in this world’s gonna change, change

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I cry out in pleasure as my second orgasm of the night slams into me. He
thrusts once, twice and holds me close as he explodes inside me. He kisses
me again and pulls me close as we snuggle together in the bed.

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Never wanna wake up from this night

Never wanna leave this moment

Waiting for you only, only br> br>
Never gonna forget every single thing you do

When loving you is my finest hour

Leaving you, the hardest day of my life

The hardest day of my life

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I told him as I saw him getting ready to leave as he always does in the morning.
He looked hurt for a moment and then nodded in resignation, telling me that
he understood. Bullshit. Gil Grissom did not have one clue about way way
I was feeling. He knew all my secrets but wouldn't tell me any of his. And
it hurts. It hurts more than Eddie's blows; more than weaning myself off
cocaine; more than labour.

Unlike the things on that list, nothing good is going to come of this. Eddie's
blows led to divorce and a new life for myself and Lindsey. Getting off coke
was the best thing I ever did…next to having Lindsey.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I still breathe, I still eat

And the sun it shines the same as it did yesterday

But there's no warmth, no light

I feel empty inside

But I never will regret a single day

I know it isn't going to go away

What I'm feeling for you

I will always love you

Leave, love you wave goodbye

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Whatever Gil Grissom and I had is over. What a joke. What we had. We didn't
HAVE anything. It was an unspoken arrangement that I just went along with
to placate the strfeelfeelings inside of me. Now I'll have to learn to deal
with them myself. Much like the process of weaning myself off the cocaine,
I was trying to wean myself off him. Telling myself that if I could have
that piece of him every so often, the NEED to have him all the time would
fade. I lied to myself.

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And all, and all I ever wanted was to stay

Nothing in this world's gonna change...

Never wanna wake up from this night

Never wanna leave this moment

Waiting for you only, only you

Never gonna forget every single thing you do

When loving you is my finest hour

I never knew I'd ever feel this way

I feel for you...

Never wanna wake up, I feel for you, from this night

Never wanna leave this moment

Wainting for you only, only you

Never gonna forget every single thing you do

When loving you is my finest hour

Leaving you, the hardest day of my life...

Never wanna wake up from this night...

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FINIS