Let Me Lose Myself In You

Title: Let Me Lose Myself In You

Author: ANNE (the insane one)

Rating: R/NC-17

Summary: A haunting case makes Grissom think of his family.

Disclaimer: I own nothing except the characters of Jake, Hannah and Lily.

Jake is Gil and Catherine’s three-year-old son. Hannah is seven weeks old.
Catherine has taken some time off to take care of the baby. Lindsey is now
ten

Lily is Sara and Nick’s two-year-old daughter.

A wail echoed through the house and Catherine Grissom got up, padding down
the hallway to Hannah’s room. She picked the baby up and gently rocked her,
soothing her back to sleep.

***********************************************************************

Gil felt his stomach churn as he stood in front of the house. The family
could have been his, it was so similar. A four year old boy and a three month
old baby girl. A wife. The only survivor was the husband, who was out of
town on business. He didn’t envy the officer who had to ring him and tell
him that his whole family had been killed. All he wanted was to turn around,
get back in the Tahoe and drive straight home. Catherine would probably be
up, as it was getting around Hannah’s feeding time. Jake and Lindsey would
be fast asleep in their beds. He closed his eyes briefly as he remembered
that this was what the husband of this family would be thinking.

“Gris, man, you okay?” Warrick asked, placing a hand on the shoulder of his
boss.

Gil swallowed. “I’m fine. Where are Nick and Sara?”

“On their way. They were at another scene, but the rookie can deal with that.”

“Who will be with the rookie?”

“Brass is going to station a uniform to follow her every move.”

Gil nodded. “Fine. Let’s go.”

**********************************************************************

The blood was everywhere. The baby lay still in its crib. All Gil could see
when he looked at it was his daughter’s blonde fuzz. He blinked and the babys
bs
black hair came back to him.

He left Warrick in that room and followed Nick into the little boy’s bedroom.
This child was blonde, but Gil felt the image of Jake replace him.

“I’ll, uh, go and see Sara,” Gil said.

Nick nodded numbly. Gil was almost positive that Nick too was thinking of
his family.

Gil wasn’t prepared for what him it as he entered the parent’s room. The
woman had been raped, tortured and finally killed with a single gunshot wound
to the head. The eyes were wide open in shock and in fear.
ra tra turned to him. “Grissom, maybe you should go and work one of the other
rooms.”

He knew why when he looked closer at the mother. Her hair was the same strawberry
blonde as Catherine’s and she had the same delicate features. He felt a pain
rise within him as he nodded to Sara and left the room.

************************************************************************

He arrived home and quietly entered the house. He slipped off his shoes at
the door so he wouldn’t wake anyone. He went into Lindsey’s room first and
carefully covered her with the blanket. Jake’s room was next, and he carefully
put the boy’s arms and legs back on the bed. Finally he entered Hannah’s
room and smiled at the baby in the cot. She was sleeping peacefully. He wandered
into the bedroom and watched silently as his wife slept. Gil changed as quietly
as he could and slipped into bed. Catherine stirred and rolled to to face
him.

“Hey.”

“I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“That’s okay,” she replied, caressing his cheek tenderly. “I like to know
you get home okay.”

He smiled and kissed her gently. “I love you so much.”

She sensed the tremor in his voice and rubbed his arm. “Bad night?”

“Family. Baby girl. Little boy.” He moved closer to her. “Wife that could
have been you. Hnd and away at work.Rbr> br>
“Come here,” Cath said, pulling him to her. She felt the sobs take over his
body and she held him to her, soothing him gently. “I’m fine, honey. Our
kids are fine. They’re all asleep. Hannah will be waking up in a couple of
hours for another feed. Jake will be up at the crack of dawn. Lindsey will
want us to drive her to school.” She felt the sobs ease slightly. “It’s fine.
It wasn’t us. Everything is okay.”

“I thought I could handle it. I saw the kids, I was keeping it together.
But when I went into the parent’s room…my mind went sideways.” He moved himself
so that he hovered above you. “I can’t lose you Catherine. I love you too
much.”

She leant up and kissed him. “I’m notng ang anywhere.” Catherine hated cases
like this. As well as the heart-wrenching feelings that they provokede
ke
knew that ever since they had been married, they had really bothered Gil.
He was so affected by them and sometimes she felt powerless to help him.

He scooted down the bed a bit and rested his head against her stomach. She
held him to her, lightly running her hand through his hair.

A few moments later, he raised himself up again and looked down at her. “Can
I make love to you?”

Her eyes sparkled ahe she smiled. “Of course you can. I&#;m n;m never going to
argue with that.&1; S1; She lifted herself up and kissed him gently. “I love making
love with you.”

It was times like these that she just let him take control. She knew that
he needed her, and more often than not it wasn’t just about the sex. As he
had once said to her, he had to lose himself in her.

He bent down and captured her lips in a deep, passionate kiss that made her
entire body tingle. She loved the fact that he could still do that to her.

“I love you, Catherine,” he told her, kissing her neck.

“I love you too,” she answered, her eyes closing gently. “God that feels
good.”

She raised her arms obediently as he slipped her nightie off. She tugged
at his t-shirt and he smiled, lifting it off for her. Skin met skin and Catherine
moaned into his kiss.

Gil broke away again and traveled down her body, pressing small, wet kisses
to her neck and then letting his hands cup her breasts.

She arched up into his hands and he watched her intently, finally lowering
his head and taking a nipple into his mouth. She let out a low moan and writhed
beneath his touch.

“God, Gil,” she murmured.

Not wanting to be left out of the exploring, her hand fell languidly between
them. He moaned and taking her hand, pinned her hands above her head.

“Please…Cath…let me…this is about you.” He bent down and kissed her gently.

Her body reacted as he moved lower, pressing kisses to her stomach. He moved
lower, aowerower. She grabbed the headboard, biting her lip and moaning as
he slid a finger inside her.

“God…you make me crazy,” she told him.

She saw a glimpse of the husband that she adored as he moved up and hovered
above her.

“Please…don17;t17;t tease,” she said, as he kissed her gently. “I want you.”

“I need you. Now and forever,” he murmured, sliding deep inside her.

Their bodies went into sensory overload. They moved together, lips crashing
together, hands touching. They were so close, their emotions and senses in
overdrive and her eyes fluttered closed.

“Look at me, Catherine,” he told her. He loved to watch her as she was consumed
by pleasure.

Her eyes opened and tried to focus on him.

Gil smiled softly at her, a hand going down to stroke her cheek. “I love
you, Catherine. So much.” He felt her shiver beneath him and he took her
hand. “Let it go, baby.”

Her hand gripped his almost to breaking point as her orgasm ripped through
her. She buried her head in his chest and moaned deeply, trying to remember
that their three children were asleep.

He groaned as he came, and she pulled him to her, kissing him.

“Don’t move yet,” she murmured, as he went to move.

“I’m going to squash you.”

“I like you being this close.”

He kissed her gently, and moved to the side, pulling her close to him. “I
love you, Catherine.”

She smiled and let her hand slowly run across his chest. “I love you too,
honey. Very much.” She pressed a kiss to his chest. “You still make me crazy
for you, even now.”

He looke her her. “Thankyou.”

She looked at him curiously. “What for?”

“For being here. For loving me. For being an amazing mother. And for letting
me lose myself in you.”

Catherine smiled. “Anytime.”

~FINIS~