My Big Phat JAG Wedding

Title: My Big Phat JAG Wedding
Author: Loco
Summary: Harm and Mac get what they most want in their lives, each other…
Email: mfw_mdl@yahoo.com (Use this one to send questions or comments.)
AN: This is a sequel to Father Time's Gift and Santa Baby. You can archive, just let me know where. I’m not exactly sure where all the places are, so please excuse the poetic license. Thanks to DT for the help you all gave. Comments and Questions are welcomed, and if I don’t get any, I know where to find a Highly Sexually Frustrated and Angry Marine Ninja Girl to send to your homes. LOL!
Disclaimer: I do not own the JAG Characters, they belong to DBP and Paramount. I am not making any money off of this. I promise to return the characters unharmed.
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JAG H.Q.
Falls Church, VA.
Monday, October 20, 2003.
11:00 am.

“Hey Mac, have you thought about what to get me for my birthday,” Harm asks as he enters the break room.

“Bought and paid for,” Mac says teasing, knowing he was now going to try his best to find out before Saturday.

He pours himself a refill of coffee and turns on the charm.

“So ah Mac, what did you get?”

“You aren’t getting it out of me that easy Mr. Rabb-it. So you can hop back into your hole,” Mac says smiling as Harm nearlykes kes on his coffee and she leaves for her office.

“I’m not giving up that easy,” Harm thinks.


So he goes back to his office and picks up the phone.

“Colonel MacKenzie.”

“Is it long or short?”

“Commander, I don’t have time to play twenty questions.”

“Just answer one… Is it animal or mineral?”

“Not now,” Mac says as she hangs up the phone. The phone rings again…

“Not now… Oh sorry Tiner. Yes, I’ll be right there,” Mac hangs up and growls in the general direction of Harm’s office.

“Go right in Colonel.”

“Thanks Tiner,” she enters the Admiral’s office, “You wanted to see me sir?”

“Yes Mac.” I was wondering if Harm has begun his quest about what he wants for his birthday.”

“Yes sir. He’s begun the usual twenty questions. He’s now at number eighteen.”

“I see. Have you taken care of the arrangements?”

“Yes sir. I just haven’t made the announcement.”

“And when will that be?”

“Wednesday. I’m sure he’ll at least be down to number ten by then. I’ll give Harriet the photocopied directions.”

“Do you need any help?”
, ju, just bring whatever you want to drink and a chair if you don’t want to sit on the benches. Oh as a matter of fact. Could you make sure Harm doesn’t know anything about the party.”

“Fine Colonel. Dismissed.”

“Thank you sir.”


Mac is on her way back to her office when she spots Harm in her office.

“Now what?”

“Why did the Admiral want to see you?”

“He wanted to give me a kiss and tell me nice job, now do you have actual business or are you here to harass me?”

“I just needed the Captain Sierra case files.”

“Harm, you know Sturgis has those.”

“Oh sorry. Are we on for lunch?”

“Yes. Now go.”


MacKenzie-Rabb Apartment.
2909 P St NW, Washington. D.C.
7:00 p.m.

“Smaller or larger than a human Mac,” Harm asks as they enter the duplex.

“Smaller Harm,” Mac groans as she drops off her briefcase on the couch and heads up to the bedroom.

Mac headed up to the bedroom rather silently. Harm picks up on this as he turns to ask her another question and Mac is not there. He goes up to the bedroom and pops his head around the door. Mac is about to undo her uniform skirt to lay it over her uniform blouse on a wing back violet chair.

“Is everything ok Sarah?”

That really got her attention, and it only made her agitation worse. She didn’t want to be answering questions all night long, much less all week.

“No Harmon. I’m tired of the twenty questions game. You’ll get what I got when it’s time for me to give it, okay,” Mac asks the frustration evident on her voice.

Harm decides to back off at the use of his full first name. Only his mother calls him that when she’s mad. So, he figures this was Mac’s way of telling him to cool it politely. He goes to her and begins to massage her shoulders.

“I’m sorry,” Harm sighs, pulling her er ter to his uniform.

“Oh that feels good. I’d have you go lower but I’m starving and we’ve got work to do.”

“I’ll go order the pizza,” He says, places a kiss on the back of her neck, and heads back downstairs.

What she doesn’t want Harm to know is that not only has she planned a picnic lunch for JAG family but she has also invited Trish and Frank Burnett in for his private 40th birthday dinner party and they’ve arranged to come for a little 4 day visit.


JAG H.Q.
Falls Church, VA.
Thursday, October 23, 2003.
9:35 am.

Harm actually behaved himself for 3 days since Mac blew up at home. She wonders if she should give him a little hint. This was too good, too quiet. Mac knocked on Sturgis’ door.

“I need a favor, are you busy?”

“I can spare a moment or two. What do you need Mac?”

“I need you to make dinner plans with Harm tomorrow over the Commander Fuller case you two got this morning.”

“Why, what’s up?”

“I’ve got to keep him distracted. Harm’s parents are coming in tomorrow morning. I wanted to house them at our place but Harm would know something is up. So I’ve got to take them to Harriet’s to stay over night. Once we bring them to the picnic they’ll be at our place. I also need to get his birthday gift and my Halloween costume out of storage after work.”

“I think I can handle that. What time will you be back so that I can have him back when you’re there.”

“I’ll be back about 7.”

“Fine I’ll take care of it.”


Ronald Reagan Washington National Airport
Washington, D.C.
Friday, October 24th, 2003.
7:00am.

Mac already had permission from the Admiral to go pick up Harm’s parents and she had Harriet’s keys to take them to the house. Mac notices the arrival board and notices Harm’s parents’ flight was delayed due to little fog. But the plane was still on it’s way.

“Tiner, could you please tell the Admiral that Harm’s parents’ flight is coming but it’s got an hour delay due to fog.”

“Yes ma’am, I will.”

“Thanks Tiner.”

Now all Mac had to do is wait. She walks over to a newsstand/bookstore and peruses the magazines.

“How to get a good man? Got one. How to find out if your man’s cheating? That Tomcat better not dare. How to decide it’s time for you and your man to have children? Hmm, I’ll get this one. How to decide it’s time to get married? Hmm, this one too. How to find out if the in-laws like you? And this one should do it,” Mac carries on an inner conversation with herself.

Mac pays for the magazines and takes a seat near the doors Harm’s parents are supposed to be coming through. She digs through her purse for a pen and remembers the last time she was there. She had wanted to walk Chloe to the gate but she wasn’t allowed to due to security and it was too damn cold. This time Mac was allowed to sit near the gate. She digs into the quizzes and in a half hour she discovers she has a great man, who’s cheating on her, they’re never going to have a right time to have children, shouldn’t get married and the in-laws-to-be hate her.

“Stupid quizzes, what do they know,” Mac says to herself slightly irritated.

Then for the remaining time she goes through the magazines for any interesting articles. She comes across one about Brides’ horror stories of their weddings. This last one she read, the bride let her maid of honor plan her wedding without input and the couple ended up having a black wedding in a cemetery. The wedding party and guests had to wear all black. They even died the wedding dress black. The wedding cake was black and the toppers were a couple skeleton bodies and a copy if the white house in black. The bride tried to smile but she hated the whole wedding and she hadn’t spoken to the Maid of Honor since.

“I wouldn’t either.”

“You wouldn’t either what Mac,” a female voice behind her says. Mac turns to see Trish and Frank.

“Oh hi Trish, Frank. Sorry I was finishing an article,” Mac gets up and gives her and Frank a hug, “So how was your flight?”

“Good, sorry about the fog delay,” says Trish.

“I’ll go get our luggage dear,” says Frank, giving his wife a peck on the cheek and takes off to baggage claim.

“So how is my son, Mac?”

“Oh about now he’s probably going stir crazy that I’m it in the office. The Admiral knows I had to come pick you both up, so he’s trying to handle things at work. Harm started with the twenty questions on Monday. I just blew up and said something like, Harmon, back off. And you know what, Tuesday through yesterday he’s behaved himself. It’s been nice but it’s too quiet.”

“Oh trust me, he’ll start back up tonight with the questions. He used to do the same thing to Harm Sr. and me when he was a little boy. I’m actually shocked because you reacted exactly how I used to. I’d say Harmon go out and play with your planes,” both Mac and Trish laugh, “Little did we both know he’d grow up and still play with planes.”

“But those planes aren’t his,” says Mac, “And I don’t think he’s grown up just yet.”


JAG H.Q.
Falls Church, VA.
10:30 am.

“Lieutenant, do you know where the Colonel is,” Harm asks and Sturgis steps up in time.

“Ah Harriet, ix nay earthay rensay dayay.” (Birthday, Parents, Today.)

“Taking up Pig Latin Sturgis? Now what’s going on? Where’s the Colonel,” asks an annoyed Commander Rabb.

“She’s right here,” says Mac coming up behind him. Harm jumps a little.

“My office now,” he orders and then marches off to his office.

Mac marches off to her office and makes a call to Tiner to let the Admiral know she is back. She slips off her coat and then takes time to stop in at Harriet’s desk, Sturgis still there watching the scene unfold as well as getting information from Harriet.

“Thanks guys, Harriet here’s your keys. Harm’s parents went sight seeing.”

“Good, is there a way for them to contact me?”

“I gave them your cell number. They’ll call when they need a ride or they’ll just take a cab after getting directions from you. Now I have to go soothe the savage beast.”

So Mac walks into Harm’s office and shuts the door behind her. She takes a sea his his desk and she can see he is clearly seething.

“Where were you? How come you didn’t tell me you were leaving the office, but yet everyone else seems to know?”

“I went to see a couple of people about a plane,” Mac says with a straight face. If he wanted answers she’d pull a Webb and put Harm on a need to know basis.

“Come on Mac. Where were you?”

“I told you the truth and the rest is on a need to know basis, and Flyboy, you don’t need to know,” Mac says getting a little irritated at Harm’s attitude at that moment.

“Don’t pull a Webb on me. I could call him up and have him find out where you were.”

“Don’t you dare. You call him and the wedding is off.”

Harm picks up the phone just for effect. Mac looks at him in shock.

“Harm, what is going on with you? Fine you want to call off the wedding then so be it, but I am certainly not going to be ordered around like a cheating fiancée. If you want your birthday to stink, then keep this up,” Mac says then marches out of Harm’s office upset.


Harriet watches her go and then gives her a minute before knocking on her door.

“Ma’am, is everything ok?”

“Yes Harriet, it is. I threatened Harm with calling off the wedding if he was going to call Webb to find out where I went this morning,” Mac says being a little sarcastic, “And Harriet he just picked up the phone.”

“Oh no this is not happening,” Harriet says taking charge, “You can’t call off the wedding. Too much has gone into this event and I’m not letting you both back out. Besides you two signed that contract so you have to make this work.”

“I know Harriet. It’s just that I took these stupid little quizzes this morning and I don’t know what made me threaten to call off the wedding.”

“What did the quizzes say?”

“That I have a great man, who is cheating on me, we’re never going to have a right time to have children, we shouldn’t get married and the in-laws-to-be hate me.

“Mac, you know that is not true.”

“I just don’t know what has his head in his six. I can’t believe he deliberately would force my hand like that.”

“Mac, he’s turning 40 tomorrow. He’s probably feeling like his life is over. I mean by society’s standards he’s over the hill. But we all know that’s not true. So we have to make him feel like he’s not over the hill but just making a new stepping stone that he can share with friends and family.”

“I love you Harriet, I really do. Ever the sunshine in my day. Thanks for being objective.”

“You’re welcome ma’am, now you’re gonna make me cry.”

“Then why don’t you go into the Lion’s Den over there and spread more sunshine before he does something stupid.”

“Sure ma’am.”


It was funny to watch Harriet pretend to push up her sleeves and knock on Harm’s doorframe. Bud watched her cross the bullpen coming from the elevator, and knew she was determined.

“Yes Lieutenant?”

“I need to speak to you for moment or two.”

“Sit,” he says and Harriet comes in, shuts the door, and take’s Mac’s previous spot.

“Being that I am the wedding coordinator so to speak, a friend, and knowing Mac’s heart, I am going to put my foot in my mouth for your own good. Harm, number one you will not be calling Webb to find out where Mac’s been. She’s only been doing things to make you happy tomorrow. Number two, no one, and I mean no one is going to call off this wedding. You both signed a contract and I’m going to hold you both to it. Number three, pull your head out of your six and go apologize to the Colonel. Number four and final thing, I know you’re turning 40 tomorrow. You’re probably feeling like your life is over. We all know that by society’s standards you’re over the hill. But we all know that’s not true. So tomorrow, we are going to make you feel like you’re not over the hill but just making a new stepping stone that you will be sharing with friends and family, got that?”

“Yeah, I do and thanks Harriet,” Harm says somberly, and goes back to work.

“Right well, I’ll be going.”


Harriet goes back to Mac’s office and knocks before popping her head in the door. Mac had cleaned up her face some and had started to clean up her desk.

“The Lion’s ego is a little bruised but I think he’ll be fine.”

“Thanks Harriet. I’ll stay over here and let him eat his words a little. If not he can make it up to me later.”

“Right,” Harriet closes the door and Sturgis goes to Harm’s office.

“Hey Harm, got a minute,” Sturgis asks.

“In Pig Latin or English?”

To be continued... Please Read and Review all... Thanks Loco.