In MY Skin

This came to me while I watched the YouTube video of Linkin Park and Chris Cornell : Crawling.

In MY Skin

The pandemic changed everything for me. It was like one torment ended, and another began. The abuse was stopped but the fear was still there for another reason. The yelling and screaming, with the lucid moments had stopped. But something else had taken its place.

Crawling in my skin

These wounds they will not heal

Fear is how I fall

Confusing what is real

Everything had been taken and given to me in that very moment. My family and help was taken from me, but I was given my freedom from it. I still had fear but it was a different kind. The kind that slowly killed you from the inside,was changed into a weariness. I didn't know weather to fear the dead more or the living. The living were unpredictable, while the dead just eat you.



There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface

Consuming/confusing

This lack of self-control I fear is never ending

Controlling/I can't see

I've been hiding in a cabin in the woods somewhere outside of Atlanta for the last week. I found the cabin a day after the Atlanta news report. I had woken up in some shity hotel we were staying at alone. I got up and looked outside to see dead bodies on the ground, all shot in the head scattered all along the parking lot. I looked to see if there was anyone I knew, and saw no one. I didn't know where they were but packed my bag and grabbed as much supplies as I could. Looking one more time to see if the coast was clear, grabbed the jeep keys and ran for it.



To find myself again

My walls are closing in

(without a sense of confidence and I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take)

I've felt this way before

So insecure

I remember stopping at a store that was ransacked, grabbing what I needed and got out of there and just drove. I thought the least likely place the dead would be was the woods so that's were I went. I found an old abandoned cabin and took it over. I've been eating canned supplies and venturing out little by little to look around. I haven't seen anyone but I knew about an half days walk leads you to an interstate. It was like an grave yard, I had been there twice to look for things but haven't run into people thankfully.

Crawling in my skin

These wounds they will not heal

Fear is how I fall

Confusing what is real

It was like any other day,bout midday when I heard it. A whimpering and crying sound,I approached slowly to see what it was. It was a little girl sitting by a tree, she heard me walk up and turned her shocked eyes toward me. I just stood there not really knowing what to do, I'm not really good with people."Who are you,what's your name?",she asked. I shrugged "What's yours?",I asked her. I found out her name was Sophia and she ran into the woods after some zombies chased her and got lost. She told me there was a group of people up on the interstate probably looking for her.



Discomfort,endlessly has pulled itself upon me

Distracting/reacting

Against my will I stand beside my own reflection

It's haunting how I can't see...

She told me about the group as I walked her back toward the interstate,not quite sure if I was ready to meet real people yet. Until she told me about a Bob and Trish that they had with the group,apparently they rubbed the group the wrong way. No kidding,trying to figure a way to back out. To late now I guess, I can see the interstate up ahead and a bone chilling fear at having to face my original traveling companions. Sophia stopped and slowly turned toward me and stared,kinda freaked me out, made me twitchy."You don't like them either, they were mean to you,".She said it with such finality it made me gasp.With a nod to me she took my hand and dragged me out of the wood.

To find myself again

My walls are closing in

(without a sense of confidence and I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take)

I've felt this way before

So insecure

I find myself standing behind the group as they watch the little girl and mother embrace. I can see my original travel companions sitting away back with chunks missing outta them and talking to each other. They were guarded by a dude that looked like he was from a the sticks holding a crossbow. He looked kinda cute from this angle but I was distracted from my people watching when Sophia ran up to me and took my hand. This made me the center of attention which I hated. The strained silence was broken by Trish gasping and sobbing brokenly, while Bob started cursing like a sailor about me I guess.



Crawling in my skin

These wounds they will not heal

Fear is how I fall

Confusing what is real

The group was looking at them in confusion, while I nodded my head"Maw". There was a couple gasps from the group,which lead to more staring and I guess understanding.Then she started rambling and saying how sorry she was. Like I would believe that.



Crawling in my skin

These wounds they will not heal

Fear is how I fall

Confusing...Confusing what is real

I was done taking someone else's abuse, I was done and glad I had finally had the courage to be able to look at them and think I was worth something. The guy with the crossbow grunted apparently wanting to be done with this. The rest of the group looked undecided, while the policeman looking guy walked up to me looking like he wanted to talk. I just walked right by him and toward my mom. I stood looking down on her and Bob, him still cursing and her crying. "You don't own me no more, you can't hurt me anymore".I looked at them defiantly,and all went quite except for my mom's sniffling.

There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface

Consuming

"Close your eyes and feel no pain," Everyone looked shocked except their guard.Maw closed her eyes like she accepted what I had to say while Bob looked me straight on. The police guy ran up beside me trying to figure out what I was doing, while the rest of the group stood back. I pulled out my gun and pointed it at my mom and took a deep breathe, Bob started cursing me out. I pulled the trigger and it was like in slow motion she fell back and remained motionless. The police guy went still and looked on as I shot Bob next which I felt no remorse for.

Confusing what is real

I put the gun away and turn toward the group and looked at them one by one. They all looked undecided on what just happened and then I guess they accepted it. The police man walked up to me and asked my name. I looked up at him the looked at the group "Jinx". He invited me to join them and I thought about it. looking up at him and then the group I asked him if they were lookin for a place to settle down at. Some in the group looked surprised while some looked ready to agree. They looked toward the police man and he appeared to think about it.

This lack of self-control I fear is never ending

Controlling

I was on the cute guards bike, who's name was Daryl. He appeared anti-social too so I see a great friendship between us . I was leading then off the interstate toward my cabin to show them were some abandoned cabins were in the area. I guess I would have to get use to having so many people around,Sophia seem okay and her mother Carol. Glen seems a little odd but that's just me. Rick the police man and his family look okay, but the Shane guy looks like he had a thing with Ricky's wife but who am I to say. Andrea seems at odds with everyone,T-Dog seems okay and Dale reminds me of one of those old neighbors that know everything. But hey to each their own.

Confusing what is real

And for me I guess you can say I feel good about myself now. No more bone chilling fear, still fear but more cautious fear, new relationships with people. Some closer than others. Who knew a zombie apocalypse could end one lifetime for me and begin another.

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Song:Crawling by Linkin Park