Carry On My Wayward Son

Carry On My Wayward Son

By Danyealle-sama

 

 

Disclaimer:  I don’t own Supernatural, people with a lot more talent than I do have that honor.  Nor do I make any kind of money off this story.  I’m just playin’ with the boys.  I promise to put ‘em back when I’m finished with them.  But they’re gonna have some fun while they’re with me!

 

Full Summary:

Starts right after episode 4x04; Metamorphosis.  Sam, confused by things being thrown at him from all directions, begins to find things while researching that, quite frankly, scares him.  Nor can he share them with Dean as he has no proof beyond a feeling that they are right.  Couple that with the trust issues he and Dean are having and the mess with Ruby, he decides that it’s better for all that he vanish for a while so he can sort things out then deal with what he now knows.  Dean, being who he is, isn’t about to let his brother just vanish on him yet again, especially with what looks like Armageddon looming on the horizon.

 

 

Content Warning:

Wincest, attempted rape (NOT Sam/Dean).  All other squicky content will be added at the chapter beginnings.

 

 

Everything from this point on is going to be AU.  Though I will be using some of what is in the series, mostly I’m going to take the plot that was there and do some twisting. Come on and let’s enjoy the ride!

 

 

Chapter 1

 

Carry on my wayward son

There'll be peace when you are done

Lay your weary head to rest

Don't you cry no more

-Carry On My Wayward Son

Kansas

 

 

Sitting on the foot of the bed, Sam had his hands clasped between his spread knees, looking down at the floor as he listened to the Impala’s engine roar to life then pull out before heading in the direction of whatever bar Dean wanted to go.  Shaking his head, he let out a sigh.  Sure, as usual, Dean had asked him to go along but, really, he knew that was just a formality.  His brother didn’t want him there for reasons ranging from it would put a cramp in his style and would mess with his mojo while he tried to pick some chick up, all the way to the issues the two of them were having.  No matter what it was, he didn’t feel like going out anyway.  He had some things he wanted to look up before he made his final decision about something.

 

Sliding over to the wobbly table that was in the room, he booted up the laptop then found the secret file he had hidden where Dean wouldn’t ever think to look.  After scanning through it, he found the document that he was looking for.  Once opened, he read through it once more, brow furrowed, though, by now, he knew the contents of it well.  Still, what was contained in it was something that disturbed him greatly.  Opening his browser, he once more delved in to see if he couldn’t prove that it was true.  He thought it was, after all it sounded right to him and made more sense than anything else.  That, honestly, was going to be the crux of things and make the decision for him.  Just, at this point, he needed more proof.  He had found some things, here and there, but it was ambiguous at best.  Real, concrete proof was needed before he decided one way or another.

 

After finding a webpage containing the information that he needed, one that was far more detailed than any he had run across before, he read through it, taking notes as he did so that he could reference back to it if he needed it later on.  Wearily, feeling his heart sinking as he compared what the website said along with what he already had, he let out a sigh.  It appeared that he was right on more than he thought. 

 

As he was deeply immersed in the writing, taking notes as he went, his cell rang.  Muttering to himself, he looked at it, eyes narrowed.  It was Ruby.  Picking up the phone, he looked at the caller ID, though he knew who it was by the ringtone, and frowned.  Right now, Ruby was the last being in the world he wanted to talk to.  But, knowing her, if he didn’t say pick up, she was going to show up.  With Dean gone, that would make things... awkward.  That he most certainly didn’t want right now. Seeing her and trying to deal with what was going on was about more than he could handle with everything else that was piling on.  He needed time to think, not get drawn into anything with her tonight.  It was getting tiring trying to play like he was on board with what she wanted and he was sure the façade of that was going to crack soon.  With what he thought was at stake here, he couldn’t allow that to happen.  That meant he was avoiding the she-demon like the plague but couldn’t let her figure out that’s what he was doing.  Not an easy task.

 

With a sigh, he opened the phone and talked to her, using cryptic terms like he would if Dean were around, something that would put her off for a while.  She wasn’t going to stop overif she thought Dean was here, there was too much bad blood and hatred between her and his brother for her to do that, something that worked to his advantage.  After talking a bit, giving short answers that really revealed nothing, she said she would call the following night then hung up, reminding him that soon he would need another dose of her blood if he wanted to continue doing what he was and grow stronger.  Tossing the phone aside after finishing, he slumped in his chair, rubbing a hand over his face as he looked from it to the webpage he had been looking at, thinking.

 

It wasn’t until the beeping of his watch, telling him it was at the top of the hour, that he was pulled out of his deep pondering.  Looking at the time, he frowned.  Shaking his head when he saw it was midnight, he stood up and stretched.  Slumping slightly after his muscles loosened, he looked at the webpage that was still open for a moment before saving it to his bookmarks and shutting the browser.  Powering down the laptop, he packed it away, then pulled a pen and paper out of his backpack.

 

Sitting there, staring at the paper, he tried to figure out how to word what he needed to say.  Sure, he knew what had to be said and explained, but getting it down on paper was another thing.  No matter how he put this, Dean was going to be furious and hurt.  But, at this juncture of things, he didn’t see that he had any other choice if he wanted to stop what was coming or try to turn circumstances around.  Right now, he needed time and wasn’t sure that he had much of that left if he were to accomplish anything.  Plus, really, him doing the vanishing act and staying gone was going to make things much safer for Dean.  That’s all that really mattered to him. Rubbing his eyes in a weary way, he sighed deeply and began to write.  Better to get it done and out then edit the whole note than just avoid it.  Dean would be coming back soon, though he wasn’t sure when, and if that happened, he was going to have to put things off again.  He didn’t want that.  His mind was finally made up and, if he was delayed, he might change it. That wasn’t something he could allow to happen, too much was at stake here.

 

Glancing at his watch several times, he tried to hurry, knowing time was limited.  After several rewrites, he was satisfied that it was as good as it was going to get then put it in an envelope before scrawling Dean’s name on the front of it.  Propping it up on the table where he was sure his brother would see it, he stood.  Moving woodenly, he quickly packed all his stuff then grabbed his cell.

 

Slinging the duffel bag over his shoulder then grabbing his backpack, he strode to the door with purpose, determined to go through with it despite the misgivings and hurt he was feeling at knowing what he was going to do.  Stopping once he opened the door, he checked to make sure that he had both his cell and the ticket he had bought earlier in the day.  Nodding when he felt them, he then looked back at the room.  A sad look on his face, he let out a morose sigh and shook his head then whispered, “Sorry, Dean, there isn’t any way around this one that I can see.  It’s better for both of us that I vanish.  Still love you, bro.”  Then he shut the door and began the walk to the bus station, trying to stay in the shadows as he did in case Dean chose that time to decide to come home.

 

---

 

 

About two A.M. Dean pulled up in front of the hotel.  Shutting off the engine, he leaned back in the seat, rubbing his eyes in a tired way.  Well, hell, he was tired!  It had been a long day.  No, they weren’t on a job or anything, but all the driving he had done made him tired.  With everything else going on, coupled with worrying about Sam, he was beat.

 

It had been his hope, when going out, to not only earn some cash hustling pool but pick up some chick for a round of mindless sex so that he could let off some steam.  There was also the idea that giving him and Sam some time apart might cool down the tension that was between them.  Once that happened, they could sit down and try to work this shit out. Well, he had at least earned a couple hundred scamming the locals playing pool but, once he did that, he found that he wasn’t interested in anything with the ladies.  Sure, as usual, he had attracted a couple of them that would have easily spread their legs but, when it came down to it, he wasn’t that interested.  Instead, he found himself nursing a beer at the bar, thinking too much.  Dammit!  That was Sam’s job, not his! He was the brainiac of the duo that over thought things, not Dean.  But he was helpless to stop it. 

 

Since returning from hell, things had changed and, when it came to his younger brother, not for the better either.  Sure, he had expected Sam to not take it well, after all, he hadn’t in the months leading up to the event.  But what was going on was so far beyond what he expected that he didn’t know how to deal with it!  At this point, Sam’s head wasn’t screwed on right and he had to fix that, quickly.  He wasn’t all that sure what Ruby had done with his little brother while he was gone, Sam sure as hell wouldn’t tell him anything about that, that’s for sure, but whatever it was, the black-eyed skank has messed with his head, big time.  Now he felt as though he were in a tug of war with her, using Sammy as the rope.  That was a contest he fully planned on winning, he didn’t care what it took.  This was Sammy they were talking about, his little brother, his responsibility, something he took more seriously than anything else.  Right now, though, he just didn’t know how to go about doing that!  Whenever it was brought up, it just led to all kinds of fights between them, making their relationship more strained than it already was.  That wasn’t acceptable to him.

 

Now, he knew Sammy so he was certain that whatever reason there was behind what the kid was doing was for the right reasons.  Those powers were there, he knew that, and there was no way to lock them up somewhere, though he desperately wanted to do just that.  He also knew that Sammy thought he was doing the right thing by pulling the demons out and saving the human host.  Hell, if the powers came about for a reason besides the demonic blood, Dean would be all for it!  It would be great to be able to do that and save the innocent beings those bastards were riding.  However, they were a product of whatever that yellow-eyed bastard had done to Sam when he was a kid, which made them dangerous.  But Sam, apparently, didn’t see it that way.  There was the problem.

 

Rubbing his eyes once more, Dean gazed at the darkened motel room his brother was in, trying to sort this out in his own head before he had to go in and be confronted with Sam.  There was a fight brewing, he knew that, he just didn’t want it to happen tonight was all.  In fact, if it were up to him, he was going to put it off as long as possible.  But he knew it had to come.  Cas had already said that if he didn’t do something about Sam, the angels would.  That wasn’t something he wanted either.  Who knew what those winged bastards would do to his brother?  No, this was a problem that he would handle on his own.  He just had to figure out a way to go about it because what he had done up to this point hadn’t worked.

 

Feeling a bone deep weariness wash over him, he decided it was time to go in and face the music.  It was his hope, though, that Sam was already asleep and would just wake up enough to acknowledge that he was home then drift back away, thus putting the issue off for a while.  He doubted that though.  Like him, when Sam was out somewhere, he doubted his brother would be sleeping that deeply, semi-alert for the sounds of him coming in to ensure that he was safe.  That’s the way it had always been and tonight would probably be no different.  Hopefully, it would all go according to that script and Sam wasn’t just waiting up for him. He wasn’t sure he could face that right now.

 

Sliding out of his baby, he made sure she was locked up for the night.  Fumbling in the pocket of his jeans for the key to the room, he pulled it out just as he got to the door then slid it into the lock.  Banging the door open, ensuring he made noise so that if Sam were doing something private his brother would have time to get it together, he yawned out, “I’m home, Sammy.  You better not be doing something I don’t want to see.”

 

Normally, Sam would have something sarcastic to stay about that but tonight there was dead silence, the light didn’t even flick on like usual.  Frowning, Dean fumbled along side the door for the switch then flicked it on.  Blinking at the bright intrusion, he then looked at the bed Sam would always take, the one furthest from the door.  He wasn’t there.  In fact, the bed didn’t look like it had been slept in at all.  The spread was still up and undisturbed.  The only marring of it was at the foot where Sam had been sitting when he left.  Brow furrowing, Dean immediately turned towards the bathroom.  Nope, not there.  The light was off and it was small enough that he could see no one was in there.  Turning around, he scanned the room, though he knew it was small enough that Sam wouldn’t be hiding somewhere he couldn’t see him.  “Sam!  Where are you, dude?”  He asked though expected no answer.

 

Feeling his heart start to hammer in his chest and gut clench, he quickly pulled out his cell then dialed his brother’s number.  It switched right to voice mail which meant that Sam forgot to charge it or had it turned off.  Since Sammy was anal about his phone being charged, he was sure it was the latter.  After snarling, waiting for the voice mail to start recording, foot tapping, when the beep sounded he snarled out, “Sam! Where the hell are you, dude?  Call me back.”

 

Snapping the phone shut when he finished, he rubbed his face in an agitated way, scanning the room for any hint of what was going on or why Sam had left.  The first thing that came to mind is his little brother had just gone out to eat.  That had happened before and was no big deal.  Hell, he did that himself while his little brother was out or sleeping.  But he frowned when he noticed both geek boy’s duffel and backpack were gone.  Stepping closer to the bed, he checked to make sure that was what he saw and that both bags weren’t just out of sight. 

 

When he realized that, he was certain that his brother was gone, had left him again.  Turning around, he yelled, “Sam!”  But, honestly, he didn’t expect an answer.  Sick feeling in his gut, knowing deep down, his brother was gone, Dean scanned the room once more.  Eyes lighting on the table, he saw the envelope propped up against the TV remote with his name scrawled on it in Sam’s bad handwriting.

 

Covering the distance to the table in two strides, he snatched the envelope up then ripped it open.  Shaking the paper out, he quickly scanned it, brow pinched as he translated his brother’s awfulhandwriting.  But, quickly, he was able to figure it out and get the gist of what Sam had to say.  Of course, that made his stomach plummet and ire skyrocket at the same time.

Balling up the letter when he finished, he threw it across the room with a loud grunt then grabbed his cell and dialed Sam’s number again, punching the keypad with far more force than was needed to accomplish his goal.  Once he was through to voice mail he shouted, “Dammit, Sam! You can’t leave me again!  I won’t let you!  I’m coming to find you then I will give you the ass kicking you deserve, dude!”

 

Slamming the phone shut, he headed for the door, almost yanking it off its hinges as he ripped it open.  Fumbling with his car keys, he managed to get the Impala unlocked and piled into her front seat.  Peeling out of the parking lot, he wasn’t sure where he was going but, dammit, he was going to find Sam before his brother could get any further away from him!

 

---

 

Sitting in the last seat on the bus, Sam stared out the window at the lights along the highway as they breezed by, feeling the tar strips along the road as the tires sped over them.  Earbuds of his IPod in his ears, he was listening to something, though he wasn’t sure which song it was by now.  He was too lost in thought for something like that to matter to him.  His eyes were burning slightly from the tears that were there but he refused to let fall.  Yeah, this hurt, a lot.  More than when he had left Dean to go to Stanford.  But it had to be done.  He knew that.  If he stayed with Dean, his brother would be in danger.  Not to mention the rest of the world.  By getting away, he had a chance to stop what was going on, get it together and focus on the right track.  He couldn’t do that if he was with his brother.

 

Sighing softly, leaning his head against the cool window, he shut his eyes.  This was one big mess, a nightmare that he wasn’t even sure he could turn around.  But he had a chance so he had to take it.  All he needed was some time, a place to hole up and research, then he was sure that he could come up with something.

 

Feeling the hum of the tires on the pavement, his body started to relax and demand the sleep that he really hadn’t had over the last few nights but he was too keyed up for that to happen.  This was such a big step, one that hurt badly, that he was sure he wasn’t going to get any rest anytime soon.  When he got to Wyoming and onto the reservation, as Bobby had arranged for him, he would get his sleep.  Right now, he had to stay alert since he was on his own. 

 

Unconsciously, he reached up and fingered the hex bag that hung around his neck.  He hoped like hell that the old hunter had been right when he said that it would hide him from both factions in this war long enough for him to get where he was going.  Riding on the bus, unable to keep most of the weapons he had with him in his backpack, left him vulnerable.  Sure, he had stuff to protect himself, but it was in his duffel, stored under the bus in the storage compartment.  That just meant he had to keep alert while he was on the road was all. He could do that.

 

Feeling his phone vibrate in his pocket, he put his hand in without opening his eyes and wrapped his fingers around it.  He was sure, without even looking, that it was Dean again.  Knowing his brother as well as he did, he wasn’t about to answer or even listen to the voice mails yet, he couldn’t handle that.  If he did, he was sure that he would tell Dean where he was or turn around.  Neither was something he could afford to do.  Later, when they stopped so he could change buses, he would listen, maybe.  Maybe he would just wait until he was safe on the reservation.  He didn’t know.

 

On that thought, he made a mental reminder to call Bobby when they stopped, like he had promised.  Thinking about the old hunter, his gut clenched guiltily.  He hated putting him in the position that he had but he needed help and Bobby not only had connections he didn’t but had different resources for research that weren’t available to him.  So, reluctantly, he had talked the old hunter into helping him.  Though he didn’t like it, and had made that abundantly clear, Bobby had done so, agreeing to keep it from Dean.  Unlike what he had expected when he laid out what he had found over the time since Dean had come back, Bobby didn’t tell him he was an idjit and scoff at it.  In fact, he had seemed disturbed by what he had found, agreeing to help dig things up for him.  That launched all this. 

 

When the idea that he had to leave and find somewhere safe had come up, Bobby had argued but not as much as he usually would.  Actually, when the arguing was done, the old hunter had helped him find a safe place, using connections he had to get it set up in a location where he could be protected.  He knew that Bobby would eventually tell Dean he was staying in contact, he had promised that he would, something he planned not to break, but wouldn’t tell him where he had gone.  That was a relief.  He didn’t need Dean turning up on his doorstep, determined to fight it out and drag him back.  Nor his brother taking out his frustrations on Bobby.

 

Opening his eyes, he looked out at the blackened landscape as it speed past, feeling all alone in the world.  This was what it had been like on the way to Stanford all those years ago, something that seemed like a lifetime to him now.  But, somehow, this was worse.  The feeling was deeper and more pronounced.  He just hoped that it was worth it.  Because, if it wasn’t and he was wrong, Dean would never forgive him.