Family or Not

"Dean, are you even listening to me," implored Sam following his older brother out into the cool May night. They were on the roof top of their latest home, a five-story apartment building where they had been for the past two months.

"Yes, Sam, I heard every damned word you said," Dean growled a reply stalking out to the edge of the roof overlooking the run down park below. He could not look at his younger brother, he felt so betrayed.

"So?" Sam questioned, needing his brother's approval. Standing next to Dean he searched his big brother's face for some sort of reaction other than anger.

Dean let his head drop closing his eyes, what could he say? 'Shit Sam, why do you want to abandon everything?' Sam had just graduated with top honors, despite their upbringing, last week and then in the middle of supper dropped the bomb about going off to college in the fall. 'Damn it, why could you not wait for Dad to come back? How am I supposed to deal with this?' It was not the fact that Sam wanted to go to college that hurt Dean, it was the fact that he applied to Stanford, got accepted with a full scholarship, and then waited four months to tell him, his own brother.

Dean glanced sideways at Sam starting, "Fuck Sam, you could have told me earlier. I mean, damn it..." then floundered, turning he walked back to the door leaving Sam staring after him.

When he had reached the door Sam grabbed his arm spinning him around slamming Dean up against the wall. He was angry and hurt at Dean's reaction. "Dean, you always told me that I could do anything I wanted, be anything I wanted. What are you saying now? Do you not want me to go?" his voice was pleading even though he tried to keep it strong.

"Sam, get off me," Dean angrily shoved back reversing their positions. Sam felt the rough stucco of the wall bite into his back. He tried to push his brother off but Dean was too strong, always has been. "I did mean what I said but Dad still needs our help. We are still hunting that demon," gruffly Dean answered, he had fire in his eyes, his body tense.

Sam let go of Dean turning away and walking a few meters away, he gave a heavy sigh and ruffled some of his hair, "I don't know anymore.." his voice was heavy and tired but the look on Sam's face gave off a hint that there was also something else bothering him, something tearing at his soul from deep inside that he couldn't muster out.
"I know it would be a lot of trouble I do Dean, but I just need to get away from it all, I need something to focus on that doesn't require me to be this tired. All of this has been getting to me lately..."
Dean narrowed his eyes at his brother, he knew something was up and it was more than college or any of these odd little requests he threw at him every time they had a few hours alone together away from all the traveling.
"I know that look." said Dean in an almost irritated voice, "But you can just stay here and figure out whats eating you on your own." with a groan Dean walked away from his brother and back into the apartment complex.

All Sam could do was watch his brother turn his back on him, he couldn't do it anymore he just couldn't, how long can someone hold a secret so dark away from the one they love and watch them walk away each time?

He couldn't bear the thought of keeping Dean in the dark each and every time, letting him walk off like that after every argument and made up problem just so Sam could feel it gnaw at his insides over and over again.
Kicking some small crumbs of cement with his shoes Sam lifted his chin and followed his brother inside, the least he could do was go to bed and forget about it and continue the cycle later on but for how long?

That night Sam sat up in his bed staring at the lumpy form in the bed next to him, all he could do was stare and hope Dean would turn over and ask what was wrong. He sighed and leaned over letting his fingertips nudge what was Deans shoulders beneath the soft polyester sheets.

Nothing..

Sam nudged a little harder but still nothing, he was getting a little impatient after the first ten minutes and decided to call out his name, "Dean.. Hey get up.." he realized he raised his voice a bit too much once the Dean shot up with his eyes wide open looking around then to Sam, "What?! What's wrong?" He shrieked with his voice slipping through the rhythmic breaths of a woken possum.
"Dean I have something to tell you.."