The Sudden Seduction Suspicion

A/N: This was written for a BBT Kink Meme challenge requesting Leslie/Sheldon with the prompt "Bonus points for her mocking his inexperience". My wife has been nagging me to try writing, well, "adult content" for ages – she assures me "It's not porn, it's erotic fan fiction. I'm not sure what the distinction is, but you should write it." So, well, let's see how it turns out. I suspect I may not be good at it.

The Sudden Seduction Suspicion

The door opened and Sheldon emerged again.

"All right," he said grudgingly, "you can come in now."

She sashayed in, curiously exhilarated. There was something satisfying about her plan, combining the pleasure of experimentation with the glee of humiliating her rival... and, well, if it got her off that would be a bonus.

"Explain to me exactly what this psychosocial experiment you're proposing would entail." He pulled out a fresh whiteboard and uncapped a marker. "I would also like a detailed justification of exactly why I should set aside my long-standing and, frankly, well-earned distaste of you for the duration of the experiment."

She raised an eyebrow and smirked coquettishly, twiddling the top button of her blouse.

"Have you ever seen a woman naked?"

Sheldon put the cap back on the marker and dropped it back on the tray.

"I fail to see how that's relevant."

Damn, for an intelligent guy he was really dumb. She undid the button and the next one for good measure, teasing her blouse open to show a bit of skin.

"Simple. I'm suggesting one round of no-strings-attached coitus, for my own curiosity. Secondary considerations include furthering your understanding of the human species so you can take the information back to Uranus or wherever the hell you're from. And hey, if getting you laid makes you less of a dumbass, well, I could do with a few months without you getting up my nose."

Sheldon glared at her.

"I reject both your hypothesis and your proposal."

"OK," she sighed, turning for the door. "I guess you don't need any processor time on the mainframe any time in the next fiscal year."

Sheldon's head snapped up, locking her gaze.

"You're bluffing."

"You want clock time, I want cock time. And I don't bluff."

He strode past her and fastened the security chain on the door.

"I have terms."

"Of course."

"One session of coitus, and our bargain is concluded. You never mention it again. And you cease your tasteless insinuations about my sexual life or lack thereof."

"Fine." She hopped backwards to sit on the counter and undid a few more buttons on her blouse. "Now come here."

He approached, cautiously. When he was near enough, she reached out, grabbed his belt buckle and yanked him closer. She brought her face close to his and smirked.

"Is the rest of you in proportion?" she breathed, unzipping his trousers.

"Uh..."

She sneered. "Foreplay, newbie. I thought you were supposed to be a fast learner."

"Uh, well, then... you may seek out empirical evidence for yourself."

"Near enough." She reached in, snaking her hand through the chicane of cotton and elastic. Sheldon's breath caught as her fingers finally touched skin. She noted with some surprise that there was no tell-tale slick wet patch. Yet. "Hey, whaddya know, you haven't blown it yet. I guess you're not completely useless."

She started manoeuvring him out of his trousers, rubbing him a couple of times. She glanced down at the hem of her skirt, lifting an eyebrow meaningfully.

"You know where this is supposed to go?" she asked.

"I have... some theoretical grounding." His arms remained firmly glued to his sides.

"Go for it, then. Let's see if you know... well, anything about the practical."

He didn't move.

"Move it, rookie," she goaded. "What, you want a map or something?"

He reached out tentatively and, nervously, lifted the hem of her skirt. She smirked, satisfied at his expression of surprise when he found she was wearing nothing beneath it.

"Am I expected to touch that?" His hand reached out as of its own accord, driven by scientific curiosity.

"You'd goddamn bet-ARGH!" She quivered as the nail of his inquiring index finger brushed her clitoris. "...lucky shot," she breathed.

Sheldon peered at her, his gaze closely following his fingertips.

"Curious. I'd expected something more... reptilian." He rubbed his thumb and index finger together, examining the fluid on them. "I should get some gloves."

She snagged him as he turned away, whipping him back to face her.

"Oh, you're wearing a glove, but not that kind." She pulled a foil packet from the waistline of her skirt, tore it open and applied its contents with a deft and unsurprisingly well-practiced motion.

"I must tell you I find that... device quite repulsive," he murmured. Then he shrugged. "Although I appreciate the concern for pathogen pro-"

She'd squeezed, making his eyes open wide.

"...that... that... was unexpected."

Of course it was, dumbass.

"Guess I'm not as predictable as your right hand." She gripped him harder and pulled him close, pointing him in the right direction.

He paused, tentatively hanging around with his tip just grazing her labia... and whoa, that was weird. How the hell did his nervousness lead to such unbearable, intolerably arousing tingling?

"Are you certain this is wise?"

Dammit, how the hell does he manage to do it so right even when he's doing it wrong?

"Screw wise. Then screw me." She wrapped her legs around his waist and pulled him into her.

He was longer than she had expected - in proportion after all, I guess - and there was a slight curve that had surprising effects on her insides. And he was as hard as she'd expect for a virgin approaching his thirties. But...

"You're not moving."

He looked up at her, his eyes glazing slightly.

"You didn't say I was supposed to."

"You're supposed to, dumbass."

"Oh."

He pulled out a few inches, dropping his gaze to focus on his work. He moved his feet closer – a motion that coincidentally affected his hips, and consequently did something strange to the flesh around her clitoris. She gasped.

Well, that was weird.

"Now what?" he asked, as if he wasn't in the middle of accidentally screwing her senseless. "A simple reciprocal motion?"

"Just shut up and... yeah, just in and out." She frowned, getting frustrated. "How hard can it be?"

He pressed tentatively back into her, somehow ending up in just the right place, and she closed her eyes.

"Sufficiently hard, I would hope." He could almost have sounded smug.

Did he realise what he just said? she wondered.

He continued thrusting into her. An asexual virgin like Sheldon really shouldn't have managed to hit that spot that easily, but dammit, he was. If he wasn't a natural, he'd done some serious research; it had been what, seven minutes? She was already getting close.

"You've got some beginner's luck there, dumbass," she managed, surprised at herself. "How did you know to touch–"

"Here?" He reached down between them, pinching the nub of flesh and making her eyes cross.

An orgasm started to ripple up inside her, every muscle in her body tensing in preparation. Oh, that was unexpected. How could he possibly have –

Then he pulled out.

"...no..." she whispered shakily, her body quivering in anticipation, hanging painfully on the brink.

Sheldon stood up, picking up a small device from the coffee table.

"Oh, I'm sorry," he said with a smirk, "did you think you were in charge?"

She stared, uncomprehending.

"But... I'm so close..." She started reaching down, but he gently pushed her hand away from the spot that ached in anticipation. "Let me come, you asshole..."

He pointed the little device at a nondescript spot on the wall.

"Experiment concluded, 2028 hours." He pressed a button, and a dull red light she hadn't noticed before stopped glowing. "Today you learn that not everyone who has a sexual life feels the need to inform every acquaintance of the fact, much as Howard might have confused you on the matter."

He tucked himself back in his trousers.

"You can go now."

She goggled, still hovering on the edge, kept there but no further by occasional, meticulously applied flicks of Sheldon's finger. If she had the energy, dammit, she'd kill him.

"Let me –"

He grabbed her hand and pulled her to her feet, letting her skirt drop back down to cover her.

"Bazinga," he said as he hustled her out of the apartment. She wondered briefly if he knew what the movement of her legs was doing to her clit.

Of course he does, she realised, the friction keeping her on the brink.

She turned as the door slammed, preparing an expletive that never escaped.

"You dumb –" she started, shouting at the closed door. Then she gave up. She closed her eyes and sagged, shivering, against the wall, her hand drawn irresistibly to her crotch, a finger slipping in under her skirt. It was no use, she had to come...

"Well hello," said a familiarly sleazy voice.

Shit. She looked up.

"Hi, Howard. Guys. Uh. This looks bad."

Leonard looked at her, then at her hand, then back at her face.

"You, uh, wanna catch us up?"

*      *      *

Sheldon sprayed the counter with disinfectant and carefully wiped it down.

"Why is camera five still running?" he asked the world in general.

Penny stepped out from behind the kitchen island, switching off the camcorder.

"Nice moves, sweetie." She grinned. "I guess my lessons worked."

Sheldon smiled, and reached for the button on her shorts.

"As did our plan. Now -" He deftly undid the button. "- if my refractory period remains consistent, I can probably provide you twenty-five minutes of additional excitation."

---

A/N: Please review - any concrit is very much appreciated.