Pain with Company

First fic here, please review let me know what you think.




“I’m fine.” Smile. “I’m alright.” Nod head. “I’m okay.” Receive hug. “I’m holding on.” You’re not fine, you’re not okay. “I’m fine.” No you’re not. “I’m alright” I’m not alright, I’ll never be alright. “I’m okay.” No I’m not, no I’m not, no I’m not, NO I’M NOT!! “I’m holding on just fine.” Smile, nod head, receive hug, take deep breath, repeat. She walked through the sea of black clothing and sympathetic faces, her own black dress suffocating, her skin was sticky with sweat even though she felt so cold. “I’m fine.” Receive hug. “I’m okay.” Kiss cheek. “I’m holding in there.” I’m not fine, how can I be fine. Just SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP! She couldn’t handle the knowing looks and whispers, what did they know, how could they know how she felt.
She snuck out and ran for the backyard, she kicked off her heels and vaulted over the back fence not caring about the rip in her skirt or the dirt on her stockings. She ran as fast and as hard as she could, rolling when her stockings made her slip, catching herself and pushing forward when she tripped or tilted too far forward. She didn’t realize she’d been sobbing until the air wouldn’t come and all she could hear was her heart pounding and the echo of wrenching sobs. Not alright, not fine, never fine, never fine, never fine. It was her mantra as she cried banging her hands down on the solid surface beneath her, not realizing where she was until hands grabbed hers and forced her to stop.
His lips were moving as he pulled her hands up, so much blood, so much, so much, so much. There was a scream echoing in the murky dark, it was like the vocals to the soundtrack of her head. Her pulse the percussion, the rushing blood the guitar, and the screams the vocals. Somewhere she heard a distant voice trying to calm her down, gently hushing her. They were her screams, her sobs, her heart breaking, soul wrenching, cries for… something. Anything. For him.
She’d scared the ever living shit out of them, they’d thought she was some angry spirit or banshee coming to finish them off. They’d just finished a simple salt and burn, thought it hadn’t been so simple after all when she’d come busting through the cemetery like that. But she was just a girl, maybe even just a kid, screaming and sobbing, breaking down in a way that made the boys skin crawl with pent up sadness, their eyes pricked and burned from their own pushed away grief. Dean was kneeling in front of her, pushing back her hair, wiping away the ever flowing tears, gently shushing her trying to break past the hysterical grief crawling out of her throat. Sammy had her small hands held gently in his Sasquatch size ones stopping her from banging them down on the tombstone in front of her.
Finally the screams stopped replaced by a broken mantra of I’m fines and I’m doing okay. It was an echo in her ears, like she was too high up and her ears wouldn’t pop, but then it penetrated. The soft brush of calloused fingers, the worried and sorrow filled glint of swamp moss eyes, and then the husky voice that calmed her like warm beignets on a rainy day. Alright, okay, fine, alright, okay, fine.
He didn’t think she knew she was speaking aloud, she was repeating herself over and over again. “Hush now, hush now. I’ve got you. I don’t know who you are, but no one cries like that unless they’ve lost someone. And I know all about losing people.” He was talking to talk, trying to keep a steady monologue going as his voice seemed to calm her. Her eyes were more focused now and hell if he knew what color to call them. They were like fog across a violet sky, bright with emotion and tired from her tears. And they were completely focused on him.
Sam watched as Dean stroked her face, he was tracing her cheek bones and talking quietly to her. Her mantra continued but she was solely focused on his brother. She leaned into his touch followed his lips as he spoke and reacted to every shift of his hands. Sam turned his head, feeling as if he needed to give her some sort of privacy with his brother. He looked down at her hands broken, bleeding, and raw. Someone had to be in a lot of pain to do this to themselves and not realize it. He wondered what could have happened, what could bring someone to this place.
“Not fine. Never okay. Never. Okay.” She leaned forward and let out one broken sob before she fell against Dean, he rocked back and fell on to his ass holding the girl tightly. Wrapping his arms around her making sure to cover her with as much of his over shirt and jacket as he could.
So warm, he was so warm. She burrowed into him stealing his warmth, gripping his shirt, pressing as close as she could. His heart beat out a rhythm in her ear lulling her into peace and sleep.
“Uh Sammy.” He pulled her closer, settling her in his lap as he sat on the slightly wet ground. “I think she fell asleep.” He lifted her against his chest, for some reason needing her closer. She gripped his shirt and pressed her body close to his, her cold face shoved tight against his neck. Some how he got up on his knees so he could stand with her. “Let’s take her back with us dude, I don’t think she’s gonna wake up and she doesn’t have anything on her to tell us where she belongs.” And I just want to keep her for a little while longer. He cleared his throat and shook his head, where’d that come from? He looked down at the girl in his arms, her creamy skin and curly dark hair. She had a perfect peaches and cream complexion that made him want to tumble into a bed and taste her all over. He took a deep breath, first they needed to find out who she was and what happened. Then he’d drag her to his room and lock the door for days on end. He cleared his throat as he looked up and found Sam smirking at him.
“Dude, you are such a pervert. She looks like she’s barely legal and she’s obviously hurting and probably in trouble.”
“Shut up, who said anything to you.” Dean walked past him and stood next to the car. “You gonna open the car bitch, or do I have to do everything.” Sam opened the door for his brother.
“Jerk, just keep your hands where I can see them.”