And then I’m going to have you

And then I’m going to have you.
Lister/Rimmer - and the Low Lister and Low Rimmer too
Episode: Angels and Demons - Series 5

Authors note:
The Low Rimmer… wearing stockings and suspenders… telling Lister he’s going to ’have him’… what’s a slasher to do? *grins*

My take on what could have happened once the low Rimmer got hold of him. A little bit darker than my previous Red Dwarf fanfic but I hope you like it. There's no rape exactly, it's more non-con fondling... you'll see. It’s got a happy ending anyway

It’s extremely inconvenient while writing Red Dwarf porn that Rimmer is Soft-light for the first few series’ and can’t touch anything. So I had to make a few - hopefully plausible - alterations to canon.


~~~~~

Lister dashed, terrified, through the maze of boxes in the Cargo Bay of the Low Red Dwarf. He’d been separated from the others and had already narrowly avoided being killed by the evil versions of Kryten, the Cat and even himself. He felt alone, vulnerable, and completely lost, he desperately wanted to find his own crew and get the hell out of here. He peered cautiously around the edge of a pile of boxes, and having convinced himself there was nothing horrible and life threatening lurking in the near vicinity, edged nervously down in-between more rows of dull cardboard. His breath was coming in short, nervous gasps and he felt the panic rising up inside him again.

“Rimmer?” he whispered. Desperate to find a friendly face, or at least a face that wasn’t planning on killing him.

“Rimmer? Rimmer!?” he hissed again, more urgently. He wasn’t sure why he was calling out for Rimmer rather than one of the others. Technically speaking it’d make more sense to find Kryten or the Cat, they’d be a lot more useful in a conflict, they would stay and fight by his side rather than running away screaming like a little girl which would be what a certain hologram would most likely do. But he wanted to find Rimmer, to make sure he was okay. The thought of anything happening to him filled him with a cold dread that he’d never care to admit to - especially to Rimmer himself. And although, in his own way, he did love and care about each and every one of his friends - he loved Rimmer in an entirely different, entirely secret way. The others were like brothers, Rimmer was like… well, something else entirely. He’d like to say they were like lovers but that normally involves things like kissing, sex and the other person actually knowing that you wanted to do the aforementioned things with them. Sadly nothing of that nature had ever happened between them, and most likely never would especially considering Rimmer was soft-light, but it’s nice to savour the teasing banter and to check out Rimmer’s body when no one is looking, even if you can’t do those really fun and energetic things that come with loving someone.
He peered in-between boxes, hoping to find Rimmer hidden away safe somewhere and whispered his name again. “Rimmer?”

“Looking for someone?” a distinctly Rimmer-esque voice asked from behind him.

For a second he felt a jab of relief at the familiar voice but even before he turned around he’d known it wasn’t his Rimmer. The slightly seedy, mocking tone was nothing like the nervous and squeaky voice that he would expect from a terrified Rimmer at a time like this. Lister’s eyes widened at the sight in front of him. There stood Rimmer - with greasy, tousled, and untidy hair that his own Rimmer would never approve of. And suspenders, stockings, short shorts, a studded leather dog collar and some sort of feathery contraption around his neck. His Rimmer wouldn’t approve of those either.

“Holy smeg” he muttered, almost hypnotised. In any other situation he’d find this outfit hilarious and also rather arousing but Rimmer looked like he wanted to kill him and that whip looked very dangerous. He edged away slightly.

Rimmer walked casually towards him, “Hello my pretty. I want to hurt you.”

Lister stared at him in shock. “Why?”

Rimmer grinned and lifted the whip. “Because I’m not a very nice person.”

A flash of crackling blue zipped through the air and Lister felt the whip strike his forehead. His hat made a gallant attempt for freedom and fell to the floor. Dazed, Lister lifted his hand to his injured forehead and then stared at the dots of blood on his fingers. “ A holo-whip.”

Rimmer stared at him, and then said, calmly, in a very matter-of-fact voice, “I‘m going to lash you to within an inch of your life, and then-” he paused, a smile playing over his lips, “I‘m going to have you.”

Before Lister could react the whip flicked up through the air, electric blue flashing around him, and suddenly, sharp pain roared across his body. He lost his balance and slipped painfully to the floor. His head spun and his vision went blurry. He could hear laughing and saw the faces of all four of the low Dwarfers looking down at him, surrounding him, before he lost consciousness.

***

Lister woke up and really wished he hadn’t. He was lying on a cold floor and he could feel that his wrists had been tied together and his ankles too. He could hear laughter, it grated through his aching head, and he suddenly became aware somebody had just slipped their hand under his t-shirt and was stroking his chest. This created an almost knee-jerk reaction and he instinctively recoiled away from the touch, rolling awkwardly away from the wandering fingers and slamming painfully into the wall. The hand was no longer against his skin but he could feel it brush against his jacket, attempting to touch him again. Lister managed to force himself into a sitting position, hands still uncomfortably tied behind him and digging into his back, as he tried to flatten himself against the wall. The laughter doubled during this wild display of panic and Lister forced himself to open his eyes.

He didn’t know who he’d expected to see in front of him, but the Low Rimmer, a hologram who couldn’t touch anything, certainly wasn’t at the top of the list. Rimmer was presently grinning smugly and pushing his hand up under Lister’s t-shirt again. Surely he was soft-light, just like his own Rimmer was and shouldn’t be able to touch anything? And then he remembered the holo-whip. The Low Rimmer had been able to hold that, and the holo-whip had certainly been able to touch him. There hadn’t been anything like that on their Red Dwarf that he could remember. Somehow, on this Red Dwarf, the Low Rimmer was hard-light, or at least something resembling it. Either way, all Lister knew was that the Low Rimmer was groping him and grinning in a very worrying manner. He’d worry about holographic mechanics later.

“Look… what do you… want?” Lister asked quietly, already knowing the answer but not wanting to believe it. Hoping he could somehow bargain his way out of this.

The Low Rimmer smiled and then laughed. “Isn’t that obvious? I‘ve got what I want right in front of me.”

Rimmer moved forward and pressed his mouth over Lister’s, who tried to move his head away but Rimmer grabbed his jaw between his fingers so hard it hurt and forced him to keep still. He could feel the chain that hung between Rimmer’s ear and his nose-ring digging into his cheek and the dented metal of the ‘H’ symbol pressing coldly against his skin. Rimmer’s stubble scratched against his own cleanly shaven skin, but Rimmer’s lips were so soft, just like he’d so often imagined they would be. And he’d wanted to this so much, but not like this.

The Low Rimmer’s hand was stroking his chest still, and his thumb had found his nipple and was rubbing little circles across it. Lister tried to block it out but it felt good, and a little voice in his head kept saying, ’it’s Rimmer doing this! Rimmer!’ and no matter how much he was aware that it wasn’t his Rimmer, that it was a mad-man in a feather stole who enjoyed hurting people, his body still revelled in the sensation of being kissed and touched, and it had been such a long time since anyone had done those things, he could feel himself getting hard and it terrified him. He was probably going to get raped by someone resembling the man he loved, which would surely traumatise him for good, and change his attitude towards his own Rimmer forever, and he was aroused? He might never see the others again and even if he did see them, how would he ever face his Rimmer after this? What if Rimmer found out what this version of himself had done to him?

Lister struggled again, wiggling pathetically but it was very difficult to move his torso when it was attached, as it was, to his head which was pinned to the wall in a vice like grip. He attempted to kick wildly which is problematic when your ankles are tied together and when your assailant suddenly straddles your thighs.

The Low Rimmer grunted and bit down on Lister’s lip, making his eyes water in pain, whilst simultaneously releasing his grip of Lister’s jaw-line, not that this meant he could move his head, his lip was still trapped between Rimmer’s teeth, and suddenly the hand returned, this time as a fist, punching his cheek with such force that his head slammed back against the wall, blurring his vision for a few seconds. At least it hadn’t knocked his head sideways in which case he would have seriously been in danger of loosing part of his lip.

Lister felt the teeth let go of his lip and instinctively tried to bring his hand up to assess the damage only to find it still securely tied behind his back. Instead he hung his head down low so that Rimmer couldn’t see his face as he breathed steadily trying to calm himself, feeling tears pricking at the corner of his eyes, and knowing they were not just from the pain.

“Now, now, don’t get upset,” the Low Rimmer mocked, “just play like a good boy and you won’t get hurt again - or at least, not quite as much.”

Lister was silent. He could feel Rimmer playing with his dreads. He’d always thought it would be really cute if Rimmer did that. It really wasn’t, especially when he used them to yank his face back up into view.

“You’ll enjoy it if you just relax, you know.”

Lister half laughed, “No I won’t. I’m nothing like you, and I don’t want this, I don’t -”

“Oh believe me, you do want it.” He was interrupted by his own voice which was quite a surprise. He peered around the side of Rimmer and saw the Low Lister leaning against the wall. How had he not noticed he was there? But then he’d been so distracted with Low Rimmer that he hadn’t paid very much attention to much else, despite the fact that, now he thought about it, there had been two people laughing.

“We are both the same,” the Low Lister continued, “and I thoroughly enjoy fucking him.”

Well it should have occurred to him that these two had sex, but it had been said so blatantly, so to the point, that it made him feel stupidly embarrassed.

The Low Lister laughed. “I want to watch the pair of you at it. It‘ll be like an out of body experience! Watching myself fuck him. Haha!”

The Low Rimmer smirked, “doesn’t matter how repressed you might be, or how disgusting you find the thought of shagging a man, deep down you want to fuck me, because he does, and he’s you, only without all those stupid morals holding him back.”

They clearly didn’t know him as much as they thought they did otherwise they’d know he didn’t find the thought of sleeping with a man disgusting in the least. And he certainly wasn’t repressed. Lister’s eyes widened for a moment, by their reasoning this meant his own Rimmer would be gay too, although most likely hidden underneath layers of denial and self loathing - which that might explain part of the self hatred maybe? Rimmer had voiced his homophobia many a time, especially when Lister and Ace Rimmer had gotten along so well. What was it he’d said? That the two of them probably had bubble baths together, acted like they were married, and that Ace possibly wore woman’s underwear, That was but a handful of the insinuations. None of which were true, although Lister had considered making a move. He wasn‘t sure about the underwear part.

“I’m surprised the two of you haven’t done it yet. You should. You’d really enjoy it.” Rimmer whispered into his ear.

Now that stung. Lister felt like saying that actually he was perfectly willing on his part, and that it was the Low Rimmer’s other self who needed convincing not him, and anyway, it’d be difficult because Rimmer was soft-light, but he thought better of saying anything and stayed silent.

“Well, there’s a sure way to find out whether you want this or not, isn’t there,” Rimmer grinned and then reached forward and before Lister knew what was happening he put his hand over his groin, pressed down and squeezed . A gasp embarrassingly close to a moan escaped Lister’s lips. Why was his body betraying him like this? Why was he still so hard? This was not going to help his argument in the least.

“Ah, that answers my question.” Rimmer sniggered, and turned to look at the Low Lister behind him, “he‘s hard for me.”

“Maybe he doesn’t find this quite as disgusting as we first thought,” Lister’s other self jeered, “He wants to fuck you after all.”

“No,” Lister said between gritted teeth.

The Low Rimmer pushed down harder with his fingers, “Yeah, you want me, you like this bad, cruel version of your Rimmer. You like it when I hurt you and demean you-”

“No it’s not you! It’s because you look so similar… that’s all!” Lister cried out, quickly realising what he’d said and instantly regretting it. This got a big rise out of the two of them who both burst into renewed laughter.

“So you are lovers then,” the low Rimmer mocked, “or I guess you would be if he could touch anything. You can play with me instead, it’s the closest you‘ll get.”

“So do you watch each other wank off instead?“ asked the Low Lister who seemed genuinely interested.

“What? No! We’re not- he doesn’t know,” Lister shouted, exasperated, ashamed and increasingly distracted by the hand that was refusing to leave his groin alone.

“Aww, how sad,” Low Rimmer whispered patronisingly, “Never mind, you have me now.” and he proceeded to squeeze and rub his fingers and his palm with renewed vigour against the fabric.

Lister was filled with a spinning mixture of embarrassment, guilt, shame, fear and lust. He attempted to move away from the quick fingers and started struggling only to have Rimmer repeatedly pummel him until he behaved and sat perfectly still.

Any other situation. This could have been so perfect. Perfect with his own Rimmer. It was like a mockery of everything he felt for the other man. A cheap mockery.

The Low Rimmer pushed his hand inside Lister’s trousers, and Lister felt helplessness pour down over him, he wasn’t going to be able to stop this, sobs were building up inside him and he was shivering. Fingers clawed their way under his boxers and he felt a finger press against his head, wet with pre-cum, and then slide slowly down his shaft. The Low Rimmer was whispering in his ear but he wasn’t listening to the words. It was so much like his Rimmer’s voice, and it sounded so sexy. And he wanted his Rimmer so bad. He was all he wanted.

There was a crash by the door and the sound of a scuffle. The Low Rimmer turned and looked behind him. The door was now wide open, and the Low Lister had gone out into the hall.

Rimmer removed his hand, filling Lister with a frustrating mixture of disappointment and relief, and then moved to get up to see what was happening, before smiling and sitting back down on Lister’s thighs as the Low Lister walked back into the room, dragging a struggling Rimmer with him.

Lister’s heart froze. Oh god, no.

“Look what I found hiding behind a box out in the corridor.” The Low Lister cackled.

Lister felt sick. Now they had Rimmer too, and he looked terrified. What if they made him watch as the Low Rimmer continued exploiting Lister as he had been doing? What if Rimmer found out just how hard he was - what if the Lows told him what he‘d confessed to? That he was attracted to him?

Then Lister realised something even worse. The Low Lister was able to hold onto him - his Rimmer was hard-light on this vessel. Oh god. What were they going to do to him? What if the Low Lister hurt him? Abused him?

Rimmer looked around the room. First his eyes fell on the Low Rimmer and his face scrunched up into a look of revulsion at the sight of himself in suspenders and feathers. Then his eyes widened when he saw Lister trapped underneath him, pinned to the wall, looking dishevelled, scared and covered in scratches and newly forming bruises. Rimmer’s eyes darted between the two of them and then locked on Lister’s eyes. They stared at each other for a moment, silently. Lister prayed that Rimmer wouldn’t be able to figure out what had been happening. He stared at Rimmer, trying to see what he was thinking, but his face was just as blank as he hoped his own was.

Laughter from the Lows jolted them out of it, and they broke eye contact. Lister could feel his breath coming in panicked gasps and his eyes fell to stare to one side of him at the floor. They darted back up as he heard the Low Lister push Rimmer suddenly onto the ground. His attention was distracted away when he felt the Low Rimmer shift closer and press his entire body against him. He could feel the other mans arousal, even through the tight leather shorts, pressing against his stomach. Lister shifted uncomfortably and then felt lips press hard against his own again.

He knew struggling would do no good and that it’d only result in him getting punched again. He didn’t particularly want that but he couldn’t just sit there and allow himself to be kissed when he knew his own Rimmer was going to be able to see it. So he struggled wildly again, pathetically, his limbs still tied up uselessly, and braced himself for the attack.

It hurt. A lot. Especially when the Low Rimmer repeatedly punched the place on his cheek where he’d already hit him earlier. Lister forced himself not to cry out, he knew that the Lows would enjoy it, and he also didn’t want his Rimmer to hear. Then the punches started on his shoulder, side and ribs too, and one punch hurt so sharply and badly that he couldn’t help releasing a little scream. And it was on this hit that he heard his own Rimmer shouting frantically at his double to stop it. Lister looked down and saw blood on his T-shirt and then he saw the glint of metal in the other mans hand. His eyes widened in horror as he stared at the knife.

“Tut tut tut,” The Low Rimmer grinned, “I told you to be a good boy and stay still, didn’t I? I told you that you’d get hurt. But don‘t worry,” he said, fondling Lister’s hair again, “It’s only a flesh wound.”

And it was only a little wound, just enough to draw blood. But the sight of blood did something to Lister and he found himself frozen with terror as he sat absolutely still, finding himself being viciously kissed again.

The Low Rimmer pulled away after a minute or two and turned to look at his equally twisted and cruel lover who had knelt on the ground next to him, and had dragged an unhappy Rimmer along with him. The Low Lister presently had the scared hologram sat down in front of him and thoroughly trapped in a head lock. The Low Lister rested his chin on the top of Rimmer’s head and looked across at his partner in crime. They both smiled deviously.

“You know what would be fun?” The Low Rimmer said fiendishly, “If our two little captives here kissed each other.”

The two Lows seemed to thrive in the awkward silence that followed. Lister continued to stare at the floor, he didn’t dare to look at Rimmer, to see his reaction, he couldn’t bare to see the undisguised revulsion. Why were they doing this? They knew it was something he’d always wanted. They were mocking him.

Rimmer dithered for a moment and then words spluttered out of his mouth, “Um… I hate to be a bore, guys, but I’m a hologram so I can’t actually touch anything. Sorry. So, as I’m not really any use to you I’ll just be on my way-”

“I’m touching you aren’t I? How do you think I got you through that door and over here? Holograms can touch anything here - absolutely *anything.*” The end of that sentence was said very suggestively and made very clear the type of things that they enjoyed touching. Especially when he emphasised his point by grabbing Rimmer’s crotch.

Rimmer made a strangled sound and attempted to wriggle backwards away from the hand only to find himself back up against something much worse - very hard and suspiciously phallic. “Okay, fair point,” he said as calmly as he could muster, he took a deep soothing breath and then spluttered, “look, be reasonable! I can get you anything on that High Red Dwarf you want! I can help you, just name it! Holly can do anything, she’ll get you anything I ask-”

“Kiss each other,” The Low Lister interrupted. “Look, it’s easy. I’ll show you.”

The Low Lister reached across, grabbed the Low Rimmer by his dog collar and they locked together in what was a decidedly vicious kiss that was much more like a fight for domination and involved excessive amounts of biting, growling and tongue. They parted, panting. “Now you two try it.”

Rimmer stared at them blankly.

“I’ll warm you up” The Low Rimmer said, who seemed to believe that he needed to kiss everyone in the room, and grabbed Rimmer by his collar and kissed him. The Low Lister seemed to thoroughly enjoy the display and proceeded to hold a struggling Rimmer firmly against his double.

Once their lips had parted Rimmer stared angrily at the Low version of himself, his eyes wide, nostrils flared, outrage evident in his face, looking utterly scandalised. “What‘s wrong with you! That was weird and exceedingly disturbing! We‘re the same person for smeg’s sake!”

“That’s what makes it so hot,” the Low Lister grinned, “maybe you should try having sex together and see if it counts as masturbation if its only with yourself!” He found this hilarious and laughed for a few minutes.

Rimmer looked at Lister, still trapped underneath the smirking sadist, his head was bowed and he was shaking quietly. He was crying.

The Low Rimmer laughed and looked at his original self, “Aww, Rimsy, kiss him and make him feel better.”

“Don’t you think this has gone far enough?” Rimmer begged. “I don’t want to worry you, but I’m sure Kryten and the Cat will be here any second to save us, you wouldn’t believe the weaponry on that other vessel. Even you boys would be terrified.” he lied.

“I’ve seen the people on that ship, and they don’t seem the type to carry weaponry. You’re bluffing. Now kiss him before I get angry and you force me to use this knife.” He waved the knife around in front of Rimmer’s face menacingly.

Rimmer was rendered motionless as he nervously watched the knife. The Low Rimmer rolled his eyes, mildly annoyed and turned to look at Lister, who still had his head down. “If you don’t do it then I’ll kill him.”

Lister gasped as he felt the cold blade pressed against his throat. Every ragged breath he took seemed to force the knife into his skin and he knew it must have drawn blood. What was his Rimmer going to do? If it was Rimmer’s own life at stake Lister knew he’d do anything to save it, but to save someone else’s life? To save Lister’s life? Was Rimmer really so cowardly and so selfish that he would just stand by and allow this to happen? Was he, Lister, really that much of a disgusting lager swilling slob that the very thought of kissing him was so repulsive that Rimmer would rather risk him being killed?

Suddenly Rimmer reached across Lister, grabbed his shoulder and pulled him slightly to the side, bringing him towards himself and also bringing Lister’s neck away from the knife. Rimmer dipped his head, ducking slightly to reach Lister’s down-turned face.

It wasn’t so much a kiss as two people who just so happen to have their lips touching. Lister’s eyes were tightly shut, not wanting to see the revolted look which would no doubt be on Rimmer’s face right now. Neither of them dared move a single muscle in their face. Well, not until the Lows both voiced very forcefully and loudly that if they didn’t see some proper full on lip-locking that there would be trouble.

Lister felt Rimmer’s lips move first, slowly and tentatively. Rimmer tilted his head slightly and nibbled softly on Lister’s top lip. He was still holding onto Lister’s shoulder tightly, Lister could feel his hand shaking. He must be so scared.

The Low Rimmer sniggered, “C’mon Lister, kiss him back, this poor pathetic hologram is doing all the work.”

Lister forced himself to move his lips. He was filled with anxiety and embarrassment. He couldn’t believe this was actually happening, he’d never thought he would ever get a chance to do this, ever. Rimmer’s lips were soft and his skin was smooth and freshly shaven. Lister caught Rimmer’s lower lip between his own and the next thing he knew both their mouths were open and he could feel their tongues rubbing together. It felt so deliriously good and he could feel himself getting harder. Rimmer would never forgive him if he found out how much he liked this. Guilt and shame boiled up inside. He was taking advantage, even though he didn’t get a say in the matter it was still true. He was disgusted with himself that he was getting off on this while Rimmer was no doubt silently screaming with disgust and panic inside. He felt new tears build up and couldn’t stop shivering. He was surprised to feel Rimmer rubbing his shoulder, comfortingly, soothingly. And the truth was that Lister did find it comforting, it was as though Rimmer was saying that it was okay and not to be afraid. Lister felt safer with Rimmer’s arm across him and his body leaning over him, forming a barrier between himself and the Low Rimmer. But he couldn’t help thinking that surely it was Rimmer who needed comforting more, being forced to kiss this vindaloo guzzling slacker.

“Rimmer, put your hand’s down his pants.”

Lister froze. He stopped kissing and felt his whole body tense. Rimmer was going to find out. Lister was hard, and Rimmer was going to know first hand, as it were. They were going to force Rimmer to do things he would find so disgusting and immoral, while he would know full well just how much Lister was enjoying it. He was going to know everything.

Lister wanted to say something, something to make them stop, something to make his Rimmer understand how sorry he was, but no words came out. As if in slow motion, while at the same time moving far to fast, he felt Rimmer shift slightly, redistributing his weight from where he had been supporting himself with his hand on the wall. The hand moved hesitantly towards Lister, edging closer to his crotch and to what would be the final destruction of their friendship. Lister tightly closed his eyes in the face of the inevitable.

There was a loud exploding sound and then the Low Lister gurgled and made a pained strangled noise. He curled up awkwardly and fell sideways onto the floor. There was blood pooling around him, thick and dark. All three stared at him then looked over at the source of the annihilation.

The door had been left wide open from when Rimmer had been dragged into the room and Kryten was standing in the doorway with a bazooka. Whether it had come from the Low Red Dwarf or Star Bug Lister had no idea, and didn’t care all that much to be honest. He’d never been so happy to see the mechanoid. Behind him, much further down the hall, the Cat could be seen running towards them.

The Low Rimmer stood up, curses and threats pouring from his mouth. The two sitting close together on the floor peered around the stocking clad legs in front of them to see Kryten swing the bazooka around and aim it at the Low Rimmer.

“Sirs! Kindly get out of the way!” Kryten bellowed.

Rimmer grabbed Lister around the middle and dragged them both quickly across the floor as another blast from the bazooka rocketed through the air to hit the Low Rimmer right in the chest. He staggered backwards, his whole body glowed brightly and then flickered until it faded and vanished, leaving his destroyed light-bee to drop to the ground.

Lister curled up on the floor, his feet and hands still bound, with Rimmer sat next to him. Kryten and the Cat walked over to them, and Lister knew they were talking but he couldn’t hear them, he wasn’t paying attention and just stared, traumatised, at the floor. A few more seconds and Rimmer would have put his hand between Lister’s legs and known how aroused he was and the thought of Rimmer knowing that made Lister feel sick. Rimmer would never have looked at him in the same way again, would never have been able to trust him. Kryten had perfect timing, just a second later and the damage would have been irreversible.

“What happened to you guys?” the Cat asked, entirely unaware of what had occurred. He looked at Lister’s bruised cheek. “What happened to Lister’s face? He looks uglier than usual.”

“The Lows attacked us - he’ll be fine” Rimmer said quickly, as he started to untie Lister’s wrists and feet. Lister felt Rimmer’s fingers brush against his hand and wrist as he untied the bonds, which, despite everything that had happened, sent little jolts of pleasure down his spine. Shame and guilt racked him as the others talked amongst themselves.

Kryten had found both parts of the triplicator and had got it fully functioning. Once Lister had been untied they made their way back to Starbug and safely took off before the machine reversed the effect, which got rid of the two Red Dwarfs to bring back the original.

***

The Cat, Rimmer and Lister were all sat in the cock pit of the Starbug, each sat at their controls. Kryten had tried to play doctor but the last thing Lister wanted was more people touching him. He had allowed his cuts and wounds to be cleaned and then Kryten had told him to lie down and rest until they got back to Red Dwarf, but his mind was working overtime and he wanted to do something distracting and so here he was, sat silently and staring blindly at his control panel. Kryten came bustling in, bringing a tray of food for Lister and then he sat down at his own control panel.

Lister was convinced that Kryten knew what had been happening when he had come in with the bazooka. He wasn’t sure how much he knew exactly, but he was being even more kind and helpful than usual and kept giving him sympathetic looks and his favourite foods. Lister didn’t think the Cat knew what had been happening though. By the time Cat had come into the room, the hologram of the Low Rimmer was flickering and dying so he wouldn’t have seen much.

Part of Lister wanted to leave the room and hide as far away from Rimmer and the others as possible, but he knew that if he did that then he’d be too nervous to go anywhere near Rimmer again. Best get the awkwardness over and done with now. He’d expected Rimmer to say something demeaning and sarcastic about the whole thing, but he’d not even mentioned it and was acting as though nothing had happened. Maybe it was because he didn’t want the others to know anything about it.

Kryten was talking again. Lister had mostly been ignoring what the others were saying, he was too distracted by his own thoughts, but they were talking about Rimmer and the fact that he was still hard-light. Kryten believed that whatever had been on the Low Red Dwarf to make holograms hard-light had survived the merge and was currently on their own Red Dwarf. Lister wished they’d stop using the term ‘hard’-light, it was very distracting in his present state.

Every time Rimmer spoke, it reminded him of what had happened, of the way the Low Rimmer had whispered into his ear while touching him. Lister tried not to even look at him, it just reminded him of the kiss and he found himself staring at his lips.

Kissing Rimmer was in an entirely different and far better league than kissing the Low Rimmer. It meant so much to Lister, he’d wanted to kiss him for such a long time, and now he would never forget what it felt like to kiss him. It would fuel him in the middle of the night, it would be in his dreams. No amount of guilt could squash it, it was all he had, and all he ever would have. That was the closest he would ever get to having any kind of sexual relationship with Rimmer.

At least Rimmer still didn’t know about his feelings for him. Kryten really did have perfect timing. Rimmer had just been about to… well, it didn’t even bare thinking about. God knows how Rimmer would be reacting right now if he’d felt how hard Lister had been.

Oh, but Rimmer being hard-light was going to be difficult. Knowing he could touch him but not *touch* him would be torture.

“Well, all I know is I’m going to be watching my back,” said the Cat, “I saw you, Goal-post head, stood there in your stockings and those fashion-disaster shorts-”

“That wasn’t technically me-” Rimmer argued.

“It was you! And now you’re able to touch things who knows what you‘ll try to do next! As I am the sexiest and most gorgeous creature on Red Dwarf I’m bound to be the first one you’ll try to bend over a table. So I’ve got my eyes on you, buddy.”

“I wouldn’t touch you with a ten foot pole-”

“You want to do *what* to me with a pole? You keep away from me!” Cat screeched in horror, then he turned to Lister, “you’d better be careful too, he’s a wild animal, he’ll do anything! Even to you!”

“Cat, the Low’s were nothing like us so don’t worry,” Lister muttered, although he knew that they were more alike than anyone here would care to admit, and he wished he could convince Rimmer that this was true, but Lister would never dare mention the subject to him - he could feel his face going red already just at the thought.

The Cat stared at him. “Are you serious? You both share sleeping quarters on Red Dwarf, don’t you find that a bit suspicious? He’s got you right where he wants you, I bet he’s planning it already! He knows he can’t have the steak so he’s going for the hamburger instead.”

Kryten sighed, “Please stop comparing crew member’s to meat products.”

“Yeah, shut up, Cat,” Lister snapped, trying to keep his voice level but feeling a touch of hysteria creeping it’s way in. Rimmer’s sexuality was really not something he wanted to discuss, especially when it directly involved himself.

“I’m just saying not to turn your back on him. You can’t trust a man who wears such a pathetic excuse for a feather boa teamed up with a dog collar - he’s not right! He‘ll jump you without a second thought!”

“For Gods sake, Cat!” Rimmer shouted, “I’m not going to… jump anyone! Especially that smeg for brains, so stop going on about it!”

Lister stood up, he couldn’t listen to this anymore. All this nonsense about steaks, barge poles and Rimmer wanting to jump him was making his head spin. He could feel his hands twitching nervously and his face was going bright red. He couldn’t stop thinking about what had happened between him and Rimmer and he was scared they were all going to find out. It must be obvious surely? It felt as though the truth was written across his forehead. From his blushing face and awkward demeanour, it seemed ridiculous to him that they wouldn’t know. He left the room and carried on walking, aimlessly roaming around until he found himself in the medibay. He sat down and fidgeted restlessly. He felt better for having got away from the others and decided that if they should ask where he’d gone he’d just say he wasn’t feeling well or his head hurt or something. He was in the medibay after all and he was covered in bumps and bruises, so it was a believable excuse.

***

Once they reached Red Dwarf Lister quickly vanished to hide in his sleeping quarters before the other’s could get a chance to talk to him. He curled up on his bunk and tried to get to sleep. He couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that Rimmer was Hard-light and he wondered if his Rimmer was really gay like the Lows had suggested. It was impossible to get to sleep with all these thoughts spinning around in his head, despite how tired he felt. His neck was still hurting from where the knife had been held against it, and his cheek and side still stung, making it even more difficult to get to sleep. He sighed and stared up at the underneath of Rimmer’s bunk which was directly above him and wondered if Rimmer would decide to sleep in this room or not.

The door suddenly opened and Rimmer peered around the corner. He straightened up when he saw Lister looking at him, “Kryten wondered where you were. He wanted me to check you hadn’t collapsed or something.”

“No, I’m fine. Just having a lie down,” Lister replied.

Rimmer nodded and then just continued to stand there awkwardly in the doorway. He seemed to make a decision then walked into the room, looking around at the walls and furniture with unconvincing interest. Lister watched him.

Rimmer looked directly at him and Lister felt the hologram’s eyes trailing across the bruises and cuts. “The Low me did that to you, didn’t he. Did I - er, the Low me - abuse you? I mean... never mind, I shouldn’t- I’ll go now.” He started towards the door then dithered. “Did I rape you,” he blurted out, and then seemed to realise what he’d said. He looked embarrassed and guilty for asking, but it was clear from his face that he needed to know.

Lister was surprised he’d asked such a personal question, even if it had only accidentally slipped out. He wasn’t surprised Rimmer had wondered about it though, Lister had been in quite a state when Rimmer had been dragged into the room, and Low Rimmer had been mid-molestation at the time.

“No” Lister said quickly. Rimmer was already half way to the door, but he stopped in the doorway.

“Okay, good. I just…” Rimmer sighed and looked at the floor. “I never thought I’d be capable of such evil things… he was a complete bastard. A sick-”

“He wasn’t you. Not really.” Lister said, sitting up and feeling his head spin for a moment at the sudden movement.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” Rimmer sighed.

Lister stared at him. It was always quite a surprise to hear Rimmer apologise for something. Especially something he didn’t do. But what exactly was he apologising for though? Because another version of himself had wanted to rape him and he felt responsible because he believed they were the same person inside? Low Lister had been just as bad, there was no need to apologise.

Rimmer turned slightly to look him in the eye and must have seen the confusion on his face. “No, you don’t understand. I saw them take you in there. I was going to try to… I don’t know… rescue you, but I just… I froze at the door. I couldn’t move I was so scared… I’m sorry. I wanted to save you.”

Lister stared at him in shock. “Hey man, don’t worry. Rushing in there wouldn’t have done any good anyway. There was two of them and they had weapons.”

“But even still, I wish I hadn’t been such a coward.”

Lister could feel his face reddening, “Don’t worry about it, okay? We’ll pretend none of it ever happened. None of the other’s need ever know what went on in there.”

“While I was out in the corridor, I heard what they said to you. Was… was it really true?”

Lister felt panic bubbling up inside him. It dawned on him that Rimmer had admitted to being outside the room for a while, so what the hell had he heard?! He thought back over everything that had been said, embarrassment immediately swept through him and brought a cold sweat with it, while his mind furiously searched through everything for anything condemning that Rimmer could have heard. His heart was beating so fast he felt like it would burst and he felt his hands getting clammy. He remembered each detail in turn, The Low Rimmer telling him to relax, to allow himself to be touched and to enjoy it, and him replying that he could never enjoy it with him. He recalled the Low Lister telling him that they were the same, and therefore they both wanted to fuck Rimmer. And he remembered saying… that the reason he was reacting to being touched by the Low Rimmer was because he looked so much like his own Rimmer. And he told the Lows that they were not lovers, and that Rimmer didn’t know how he felt about him. Had Rimmer really heard that? All of it?

Lister took a deep breath and let it out slowly, he looked up at Rimmer whilst trying to decide what to say. Part of Lister told him to deny everything, but there was something about the hopeful look on Rimmer’s face. He didn‘t look angry or disgusted at all.

“What did you hear?” Lister asked. He had to make sure. To know if Rimmer had heard as much as he thought he had.

“That you’re attracted to me.”

Okay. So he definitely had heard as much as he thought he had. Rimmer still had that hopeful look on his face and there was still no sign of anger, he just seemed a bit nervous, and maybe that’s what gave Lister the courage to say what he said next. “Yes, it‘s true.” The words hung in the air between them, and Lister wondered how he’d managed to say it out loud.

Rimmer moved quickly across the room and knelt down in front of Lister who was still sat with his legs over the side of the bed. Rimmer put his hand on Lister’s knee, sending a shudder of anticipation through Lister‘s body. Rimmer really was still Hard-light, he could touch, and he wanted to touch *him.*

“I kinda like you too.” Rimmer said, “Have done for quite a while actually.”

Lister didn’t know what to say. How do you articulate how tremendously happy you are when the person who means more to you than anyone else, who you’ve been secretly pining after for years and who you never thought you’d ever stand a chance with, suddenly declares that he kinda likes you? So he settled for grinning and then he leant forward and kissed him.

It started off slowly and gently, memories of being forced to do this still far too fresh in their minds. But they were the only ones there and it was so much different to the last time. They no longer needed to hide their true feelings from each other, they were filled with desperate desire and knew that they could truly let themselves get lost in the sensations. They clung to each other as fingers ran through each others hair and they caressed each other’s bodies as they got bolder. Rimmer pushed his hand under Lister’s t-shirt, running his fingers across soft skin. He felt Lister flinch away from his touch and heard him take a sharp breath. Rimmer immediately pulled away from him and removed his hand, thinking he’d brought back bad memories, but Lister merely gave him an embarrassed look and said, “It’s okay, just got a bit of a scratch there is all.”

Rimmer hooked his hand under the T-shirt and pulled it up to get a better look at where Lister was scratched and bruised across his ribs. The skin was still tender and red, especially where the knife had been dragged across it.

“Shit, I’m sorry,” Rimmer said, “I did that to you with the knife, didn‘t I. I’m so fucked up. I‘m so sorry-”

“Would you stop apologising? He wasn’t you. You don’t have to apologise for anything the Lows did. The whole lot of them were insane, that’s what happens when you take away all of someone’s good qualities,” Lister said softly, “Now are you going to just hold my t-shirt halfway up my chest all day or take it off altogether?”

In a matter of seconds the T-shirt was left discarded on the floor and hands were all over each other yet again as they kissed on the bed. Rimmer pulled away from the kiss long enough to order the voice activated door to lock closed. Lister laid back down on the bed and Rimmer climbed on top of him.

“I’ve never… um, gone all the way with a guy before,” Lister said with an awkward smile. He wasn’t overly embarrassed by it really. This was Rimmer he was with and Lister had no doubt that he was the more experienced of the two. Lister remembered that once, while Rimmer had been extremely drunk, he’d told Lister that he had only ever had sex once, so Lister wasn‘t all that worried about being the least experienced here. Rimmer was no doubt a thousand times more nervous than he was.

Rimmer gave a shy smile and said, “It’s okay, I have. I’ll show you what to do.”

Lister couldn’t stop his eyebrows from raising and a surprised look creeping over his face.

“But you told me you’ve only had sex once - with Yvonne McGruder.”

Rimmer looked embarrassed as he remembered that drunken rant. “Only had sex with a *woman* once. I would have to be very drunk indeed to have told you back then that I’d slept with guys.”

“You were very drunk,” Lister playfully reminded him.

“I mean *very* drunk. As in ‘ending with me confessing everything and resulting in me groping you’ kind of drunk,” Rimmer grinned.

“Groping is good.”

Their lips met again and Lister’s fingers fumbled with Rimmer’s shirt until that too was flung to the floor. Their chests pressed against each other as they laid down in the bed, skin tingling as their bodies rubbed together. They could feel each other’s arousals even through the confines of their trousers which only added to their lust. Lister wrapped his arms around Rimmer’s back, rubbing his shoulders and the small of his back. Rimmer’s hand stroked down Lister’s chest, stopping to run little circles around a nipple and then continuing down to his stomach. He rubbed his thumb across Lister’s belly button as his fingers grazed across the trail of hair leading south. The hand slowly slid down just under the waist band and fingers teased the sensitive skin. Lister pushed his hips up against the roaming hand and moaned into Rimmer’s mouth, who took this as permission to undo Lister’s trousers and pull them, and his boxers, down his legs.

Fingers wrapped around Lister’s arousal and started pumping the sensitive flesh with an expert technique. Rimmer’s face was nuzzling into the unhurt side of Lister’s neck and gently licking and kissing the skin there, while Lister lay with his head back, his lips parted as he took breathy gasps and tried to quieten his whimpers and moans. His hips seemed to move on their own as they raised up to meet the downward thrusts of Rimmer’s hand. Suddenly a hand gripped his hip and pressed him back down into the bed, trying to stop his movements and Rimmer’s hand released his throbbing erection and grabbed the opposite side, holding him still on the bed. The loss of contact to his member was agony.

“Rimmer?” Lister begged frantically.

Rimmer moved further down his body, sliding out from under Lister’s arms which had been clinging desperately to his back, and with his hands still holding Lister down firmly into the bed he dipped his head and took Lister into his mouth.

Lister stifled a cry and pushed his fingers into Rimmer’s hair. He couldn’t believe this was happening. He never thought Rimmer could ever want him in this way, and look at him now, with his head bobbing up and down in his lap.

All too soon Rimmer removed his mouth and Lister made a whimpering noise then sat up slightly on his elbows. Rimmer was fiddling about with his belt buckle with desperate fingers, and Lister leant forward and together they removed the rest of his clothes.

Rimmer pushed Lister back down into the bed, kissing him all the while. Their naked bodies were pressed close, their arousals rubbing together, and Lister knew that right now he would let Rimmer do anything he wanted to him. He was his, and despite how much the thought of being the submissive partner in this and having Rimmer inside him scared him, he knew that if that was what Rimmer wanted then he wouldn’t be able to say no. He knew how much it would hurt but he wouldn’t be able to deny Rimmer anything, he was utterly lost in the moment, he couldn’t think properly as his mind spun deliriously in ecstasy, and he would never do anything that could make this stop.

Rimmer sat up and they both locked eyes, he was panting just as heavily as Lister was and his arousal was hard and dark pink, begging for attention and slick with pre-cum. Rimmer’s hand moved underneath himself and his eyes fluttered closed as he gasped sharply, Lister stared at him in shocked wonder and knew he’d put his finger’s inside himself. All of Lister’s fears and worries were washed away as Rimmer’s true intentions became clear and Lister shuddered with anticipation when Rimmer’s other hand found Lister’s arousal and moved it into position as his other finger’s moved steadily inside himself. Rimmer’s palm pushed his ass cheeks apart and then, slowly, he sat down on Lister’s lap.

Lister let out a long blissful sigh as Rimmer slid down over him, it was so tight and warm inside him. The hologram sat still once he’d taken all of Lister inside of him. He was trembling slightly, taking deep breaths, and Lister wondered if he was hurting him. It was all he could do not to gyrate wildly. But Rimmer had this dreamy grin across his face and stared at him with lazy eyes, and Lister knew that he was enjoying it and that Rimmer knew exactly what he was doing. Lister wondered how many times Rimmer had done this with other men, and if he had ever been thinking about him while being fucked.

Then Rimmer started to move, pulling a gasp of pleasure from Lister’s parted mouth. Rimmer’s back curved and he braced himself with one arm above him on the underneath of the bunk above them and the other on the mattress next to Lister’s head. Lister held onto Rimmer’s hips and bucked up against him, moving in time to the rhythm of Rimmer’s downward thrusts. Rimmer put both hands on the ceiling above him, using it to help him push down faster and harder. He was making little gasping sounds and whimpers which Lister would memorise and never forget.

Lister reached up and grasped Rimmer’s neglected erection which sent Rimmer into new spasms of erotic moans. He pushed himself down faster onto Lister’s cock, constantly whimpering and gasping for breath and Lister felt himself reaching his climax. Suddenly Lister started to buck erratically and came deep inside Rimmer, who continued to push down against him, milking the remnants of the orgasm that continued to pulse throughout Lister’s body. He felt the cloud of intense pleasure slowly lifting, and doubled his efforts on the man writhing above him, clutching his hand tightly around the aching heat of Rimmer’s arousal and pumping him relentlessly, continuing to buck into him, until Rimmer shuddered and bent double clenching his hands against Lister’s chest, and came violently into Lister’s hand.

Rimmer drew ragged breaths and collapsed against Lister as he finally allowed his aching legs to rest. They lay still for a few moments, both silent while they caught their breath, content to just rest against one another.

Rimmer was the first to speak. “I never thought I’d ever be able to touch anyone again, or ever be touched, what with being a hologram and all. Smeg. And being with you… it‘s just perfect.”

Lister smiled. “You’re perfect. And believe me, there will be a lot more touching where that came from.”

And there was.

End :)