New Beginnings

Disclaimer: I do not own Heroes nor do I make any profit from this.

Author’s Note: Completely AU. Please read the AN at the end and drop a review if you have time. Happy reading!


“Well, Matthew, what can I say?” Mohinder Suresh-Parkman pulled and held his coat closed against the wind as he looked down at the grave of the man that he had loved with so much fervor, so much passion, that at times it had felt like madness. It was six years to the day since Matthew’s death, but if he closed his eyes he could still see it all, still feel it. Most days he pushed it to the back of his mind, some he even managed not to have to force himself to do so because he went all day without thinking about it naturally, but not this day. Not on the anniversary. On the anniversary of Matthew’s death he always wanted to remember. He always needed to remember. It was the one day of the year he allowed the pain of it to come to the surface as if it had just happened that same day. He sat on the grass covered grave and closed his eyes, allowing that horrible day to come back to him full force.

It had been a Sunday and while the day held no specific value to his religion, neither did he refuse the day off. Two years earlier he had been invited to teach a class at Stanford and after the class was over he had been invited to join the faculty. Molly and Micah had been in high school at the time and if their children had had any qualms about leaving their school in New York City the family wouldn’t have moved, but the teenagers had assured both him and Matthew again and again that they were not all that attached to where they were. They had been each other’s best friends for so many years and they knew the friends that were important to them would stay in touch, so they were all for their Appa taking a prestigious position with an important school. A year later Micah was at UCLA and Molly at a small liberal arts school with a great reputation called Colorado College and he and Matthew were alone in the house for the first time in their nearly eight years together. At first it had been hard when there were no more kids to worry about and the only thing they had to concentrate on was their relationship, but in the end it had only brought them closer together. It was two weeks after Molly had left for school, three after Micah had gone, when they had made love somewhere other than their bed for the first time. He had been looking forward to when Matthew got off of shift because his lover, his husband, had promised him something very exciting for that night. As they hadn’t had much time for each other lately with their busy schedules Mohinder had been hoping that it was a romantic dinner in followed by lovemaking for the rest of the night.

He had always thought that if something ever happened to his husband or his children he would know about it. He’d always thought that he would feel it in his heart. But, he had never seen it coming. He hadn’t felt anything. As he’d finished the laundry that day, as he’d written out his lesson plans for the next week, as he’d called Molly and Micah as he did every Sunday he hadn’t felt a single twinge that would suggest to him that anything was wrong. He’d been calm, happy even, all day. But, the moment he’d opened the door to see Matthew’s captain and another officer looking at him with regret and sorrow in their eyes he had known. Without them saying a word he had gripped the doorknob in a failed attempt to keep himself upright. Officer Patience Skybird, a woman who had been Matthew’s partner and their friend since they had moved to California, had caught him on his way down and held him as he stared straight ahead at the wall opposite their apartment, in shock, in denial, hoping that what he thought could not possibly be the truth.

But, then Captain Chapman had gone to his knees as well and put a hand on Mohinder’s shoulder. In all the time that they had been in California and Matthew with his new department Captain Chapman hadn’t gone out of his way to make them feel uncomfortable, but he had made it perfectly clear that he didn’t approve of their relationship and Matthew had told Mohinder that when they spoke of him Captain Chapman would always refer to him as “your friend” even though he knew that Matthew and Mohinder had gone to Canada and married and considered themselves husbands no matter what the law said in the U.S. It had been very telling to Mohinder for Captain Chapman to touch him without discomfort on his face or in his voice when he started to explain what had happened.

Mohinder wasn’t quite sure he’d heard all of what Captain Chapman had said, his mind hadn’t been processing completely, but he had gotten the point of the story. Matthew and Patience had been called to the scene of a gang shooting. They were supposed to be assisting in taking statement and helping the CS crew with whatever they needed. By the time they got there people had already started to gather. They had been in the middle of their work when shooting had started again. Four boys, three of them from the rival gang of their victim and one of them from the boy’s own gang had opened fire on each other without thought for the innocent standing around the scene. Matthew had saved the life of a little girl by protecting her with his own body. He had died on the way to the hospital and they hadn’t been able to bring him back even though they had worked on him for nearly half an hour. He would have a hero’s burial, Captain Chapman had assured him, and he would be remembered as one of the bravest men any of them had ever known.

That had broken the dam of disbelief inside of Mohinder and he had begun to sob. He didn’t want a dead hero for a husband, he’d told them as Patience held him in her strong arms. All he wanted was his Matthew back! He’d sobbed on Patience until there were no more tears and all he felt was hollow inside. Then, she’d led him to the bed he’d shared with Matthew all of their married life and laid with him as Captain Chapman asked who he could call for Mohinder. Mohinder didn’t remember answering the question, but the next thing he knew Matthew’s ex-wife, Janice, was there taking Patience’s place with him on the bed. She’d held him while the tears came back again and he buried his face in her shoulder and sobbed himself dry again. With Janice he’d allowed himself to worry about what he was supposed to tell his children, how he was supposed to help them through their grief when he wasn’t sure he was going to be able to survive his own.

Janice had just held him and cried along with him, mourning for the man who had been her husband at one time and had always remained the father of her child. She hadn’t been sure what she was going to tell Matty, just ten years old at the time. He’d adored his father and his family. Janice had made him promise that no matter what happened Mohinder wouldn’t move so far away that she and Matty would never see him anymore. With the kids in college and only home on holidays he was now the only link her son had to his father. Mohinder had assured her that the thought would never cross his mind and they had cried more, holding each other and wishing more than anything that Matt was with them, each for a different reason.

It was just after that that Micah had come home. He had spent most of the day trying to find someone a ride home and he’d been a mess by the time he’d gotten there. Captain Chapman hadn’t given him any details when he’d called, just told him that it was bad and he needed to be home. Micah was a smart boy and had deduced what it must have been if his Dad’s captain was calling, but Mohinder hadn’t been prepared for the storm of his emotion once he finally did get home. He had torn into the house, wild-eyed and terrified that what he knew in his heart to be true was reality. Mohinder and Janice had still been on the bed, but they’d sat up when Micah had come into the room and fallen on his knees just inside the doorframe.

“Please, Appa,” he’d whispered, his eyes wide and glassy, “Please tell me it isn’t true. It can’t be.”

“Micah…baby…” The needs of Mohinder’s father’s heart had called with more urgency at that point than his own grief and he had thrown himself off the bed and wrapped his son in his arms. Micah had been so happy since he had come to Matthew and Mohinder eight years earlier that it was easy to forget that he’d lost both of his parents to violence. Mohinder had lost his husband that day, but Micah had lost the third parent of his lifetime. He had been sent all the way from Las Vegas after the deaths of his parents because his caseworkers had felt that it would be much better for him far away from all he had ever known after he had taken the deaths of his parents so very hard, so he hadn’t known anyone at all when he had come to New York. His caseworkers, along with the Parkman-Suresh family, had been concerned that he wouldn’t be able to adjust to life in a new city with a new family easily, but he had taken to them so readily when he had come to them that at times they had wondered if he didn’t depend on them too much. Any ten year old child depended on their parents, but Micah hadn’t been able to let them, or Molly, out of his sight for nearly a year after they had taken him on. But, as was bound to happen, as time had gone on he had been more able to strike out on his own until he had become a happy, well adjusted young man. But, Mohinder had seen his eyes that day and knew he had been sent right back to that place of darkness and dependence. It had been another six months before Micah had been ready to go back to school.

Molly had arrived the next day with her boyfriend of only three months in tow. But, he had seen from the moment that they walked through the door side by sides, holding hands so tightly, that they would be together for the rest of their lives. It had brought tears to his eyes to think that Matthew would never see how his little girl had found the kind of love that they had always wished for their children. Molly had been Matthew’s girl through and through, with him before Mohinder had ever met them, but somehow she had also been the one to keep him and Micah sane over the next few days, getting ready for the funeral. It was Molly and Braden, her boyfriend, who had fielded the nasty calls and letters they got claiming that Matthew had gotten no more than he deserved for living a “faggot lifestyle” with a “damn foreigner.” It was Molly who had held them together after the initial shock had faded into anger. When they would have taken out how much they were hurting on each other, Molly reminded them that they loved each other and that they didn’t mean most of the things they were saying to each other. Molly had always been more Matthew’s and Micah had always been more his so it was much easier for them to hurt each other. But, Molly had seen to it that they didn’t while she could help it and had called every day to make sure things were still going alright after she left them to go back to school two weeks later.

He didn’t really remember the funeral. Even sitting on Matthew’s grave six years to the day and trying to think about what he had felt, what he had said- if he had spoken at all, he still couldn’t be sure that he had- if the weather at the cemetery had been bright or cloudy he still couldn’t be quite sure of what had happened. All he could really remember was that Molly and Micah had not let go of his hands the whole day, they had never left his side for even an instant, knowing that he would need them. He did know that his mind had tried to protect itself that day as they laid Matthew in the ground. Instead of thinking about the life he wouldn’t have with Matthew now he had just let himself fall into the best memories he had of his husband. One of the best had been the first day they’d met.

It had been a winter day in New York City, almost Christmas. He had come to the states a few weeks before the start of the genetics class NYU had invited him to come teach so that he could get used to the city itself and prepare himself for his class. He had learned rather quickly the New Yorkers were a different brand of human than he was used to. They spoke, worked, and lived for themselves. There was nothing wrong with how they lived. The world needed all types of people to keep it going, but Mohinder had never had so many people around him care so little if he lived or died. And he quickly found out that little mistakes could have big effects. He had forgotten to lock his new apartment once and when he had come home almost everything he had brought, beside his books and clothes, as they were academic and threadbare respectively, was gone. His computer, his small stereo, even his kitchen utensils were all taken and half of his books were on the floor torn and had their spines broken. The thief, whoever it was, had probably been frustrated that there hadn’t been more things of value to be had in the whole of the apartment.

The officer who had responded to his call had been none other than Matthew Parkman. He had been friendly and open with Mohinder, which he hadn’t expected, and had put him at ease right away as he wrote down all that had been taken and recommended a good locksmith to put better, more secure locks on the door so that it would be safer. When Mohinder had admitted, embarrassment on his face and in his voice, that he had forgotten to lock the door at all Matthew had only smiled and shrugged, saying that anyone could make a mistake. It had been right about then that Matthew’s cell phone had begun to ring, a Disney tune, Mohinder had had to smile at that, and he had begged Mohinder’s indulgence in answering it, saying that it was his daughter.

“Yes, sweetheart? No, I’m at work. Yes, we can have pizza for dinner. It’s Friday. We have pizza every Friday. Yes, I’ll be by to pick you up at the normal time. I love you, too, sweetheart.”

While he was on the phone with his daughter, Mohinder had taken the opportunity to study the officer who had been so kind to him. There was no denying that Matthew had attracted him on a purely physical level right from the beginning. Mohinder had always been attracted to the strong, solid type of man and that was what Matthew had struck him as from the moment that he had walked in the door. It hadn’t helped Mohinder’s attraction level that the strong, solid officer had eyes of deep, beautiful brown and a heart of gold from what Mohinder had heard so far. He had been so kind with Mohinder, even after he had explained how stupid he had been, and the look that came over his face when he spoke to his daughter was indescribable. Somehow one would expect the knowledge that in a relationship with Officer Matthew Parkman a partner would always come second to his little girl to be a turn off. But, Mohinder found it unbelievably attractive that this handsome, gentle giant of a man could be so wrapped around a little girl’s finger. Of course it most likely meant that he was heterosexual and married, Mohinder had realized with a sigh, but it didn’t stop the attraction. And he hadn’t seen a ring.

“Sorry about that,” Matthew had turned to him, a sweetly indulgent smile on his face after he had spoken to his daughter, “She still gets a little nervous sometimes. The adoption was only finalized a couple of months ago and her doctor says it’s going to take her a little bit to get adjusted to knowing no one can take her away from me and, oh boy, I can’t believe I just went off like that. Sorry. Probably too much information. I guess I’m not quite used to it either.”

“No, not at all,” Mohinder almost hadn’t been able to respond, his mouth had gone so dry. What was it about this man that had attracted him so completely? Officer Parkman was babbling and Mohinder couldn’t think straight. He tried to cover up his lack of finesse with a question, hoping that he wasn’t too obvious, “Did you and your wife foster the little girl before you adopted her? You seem so familiar with her already.”

“No, I’m not married,” Matthew had said just a little too quickly, “I’m divorced, actually. My ex-wife lives in California. I moved out here after the divorce, a little over a year ago. My first case was a murder/suicide. Guy thought his wife was cheating, shot her, shot their little girl, and then shot himself. By the time I got there, the man and woman were dead, but luckily the little girl was only grazed. Really more scared and in shock than anything. I found her in the closet under the stairs. She took to me, wouldn’t let anybody else touch her, wouldn’t let doctor’s treat her unless I was holding her. The doctors asked me if it would be possible for me to take her because they didn’t think she would allow anyone else to do it. I said sure, for a couple of days, why not? She was a sweet kid. Hardly spoke, looked at me like I was her hero. A couple of days turned into months, turned into me falling madly in love with her, turned into me starting adoption paperwork.” Matt had seemed to realize that he had spoken more out loud to this man he had just met than he had to anyone over the age of eight in the past year and his face had flushed.

“I’m so sorry! You probably didn’t need to know all that.”

“Not at all,” Mohinder hadn’t been able to stop the grin from spreading across his face. This man was simply too cute, “On the contrary, I found the story charming.”

“Officer Parkman,” The radio on Matthew’s shoulder had suddenly crackled to life, “11-82 Eleventh and Figueroa. Please respond.”

“10-4, Mai,” Matthew had responded, “En route. I think I have everything I need, Mr. Suresh. I’ll let you know what we find out.”

“I appreciate that, Officer Parkman. And I thank you. You’ve been more than kind and understanding about this whole thing.”

“Just my job,” And he’d begun to walk away, out of Mohinder’s apartment, out of his life. Mohinder hadn’t been able to think of anything he could say to keep Matthew there just a moment more. He had just resolved himself to accepting Matthew’s exit when the man who made him weak in the knees had turned back, “Look, I don’t normally do this, shouldn’t do it, in fact, but you’ve had a really bad day and you’re new to our country. I figure you need some kindness right about now. So, why don’t you come to dinner with me and Molly tonight? We go to this great little whole in the wall pizza place every Friday. What do you say?”

That had been the beginning of the best ten years of Mohinder’s life. He smiled slightly as he ran his fingers over Matthew’s name. Six weeks of whirlwind romance later Matthew and Molly had moved into his much larger apartment. Six months into the relationship Matthew’s ex-wife had called to tell him that she was sorry and she had lied when she told him that the baby she was carrying wasn’t his. Their son had been born and it had been killing her to keep it from him for so long. After an initial period of anger and denial Matthew had wanted nothing more than to know his son. Mohinder had agreed, despite the fact that he was terrified that Matthew would leave him and take Molly with him. But, Matthew hadn’t left him. He had gone to see his baby son, come back more proud and excited then ever, and started making plans for when all three of them could visit him, Matthew Junior, Matty, in the summer. Janice had been surprisingly accepting of their relationship and their adoption of Molly. It may have just been her guilt at lying to Matt at first, but it had developed into a friendship based on love and respect. Their kids called her Aunt Janice, Matty called Mohinder Appa, and they all got together as often as they could. Both Matt and Mohinder had been groomsmen at Janice’s wedding and it was them who had come out to California to help her when her husband had left her for a younger, blonder, woman. It had been more of a comfort than Mohinder could say that she had been there constantly after Matthew had died. In every way, she had become his best friend.

A year and a half after Janice had made that fateful call Micah had come to live with them and they had all, including Janice and Matty, gone up to Canada on a long weekend so that the fathers of Molly Walker and Micah Sanders could be legally married. After that Molly and Micah had officially become Parkman-Suresh children, keeping their original surnames as their middle names because neither of their new fathers wanted them to forget where they had come from. The years had been happy, with Mohinder teaching and Matthew working on the New York police force as they raised their children and loved each other every step of the way. Of course, their relationship had it’s ups and downs, as any relationship, any marriage was bound to have. There were good years and there were bad years. In their worst year, three years into their relationship, they had been apart for nearly two months, Mohinder living in on-campus housing. But, after their time apart they had come to realize that what they shared was too important to both of them to let it go so easily and they had made a commitment to keep trying. Their marriage had been on one of it’s best years when Matthew died.

“What can I say?” Mohinder whispered one more time, tracing Matthew’s name with his fingertips again, “It’s been six years today. Six years without you. I’m sorry I haven’t been by much this year. So much has happened. Molly was married just a couple of months ago. She looked so beautiful. We both wanted you to be there so badly. But, perhaps, in a way it was better that you weren’t.” He smiled, “You would have killed Jason before they could even get married. She’s eight months along now, expecting a little boy. They plan to name him Parker, taking part of your name for his. They were thinking of naming him Matthew for a time, but thought it might get too confusing with Matty already sharing the same name.

“ Jason is so good to her, Matthew. He’s everything that you ever wished for our little girl and more. He thinks she’s the most stunning thing he’s ever seen, you can see it in his eyes. Even when they’re fighting, he adores her. He told me once that he thinks even her anger is perfect. It’s wonderful to see them together. You would have liked him, after getting over the fact that he is the one who impregnated our little girl, of course. But, she’s so happy, Matthew. She’ll stop working at the museum in a week or two and go back after the baby’s a few months old. She just got a recognition for her restored paintings. They’re beautiful paintings. She does beautiful work. I never would have imagined when she was so small, swearing that she would be the next Disney Channel star that she would restore paintings, but she loves it so much.

“Micah just started with the Hostage Rescue Team of the FBI. It puts him so far away, in Virginia, but he loves what he’s doing now. Not that he didn’t love working with SWAT here, and he always wanted to be a police officer, just like you, but he sounds happier, more content. I worry for him every day. He puts himself in so much danger, simply by being who he is, doing what he does. He was shot a month and a half ago, grazed really, but when I got that call from his team leader I swear I’ve never been more scared. I can’t lose him, Matthew, not like that. But, I can’t hold him back either. I want him to be happy more than anything. And right now, working with the HRT is what makes him happy. He calls me before every assignment. I spend every hour, every day, until he calls me back and tells me that he’s safe at home again barely able to breathe, my stomach tied in knots. I want to have him back under my roof more than anything so that I can keep him safe, but I can’t hold too tight or I’ll lose him. I think I’m losing my mind a little over him, but I have to keep myself under control. When we lost you I almost pushed him away. It could happen again so easily. I lost you, I won’t lose our children.

“On a lighter note,” Mohinder breathed out on a shaky sigh and allowed himself a little bit of a laugh. Micah’s choice of profession was really driving him a little bit insane at times, but he couldn’t allow himself to think about it too much because all he did was think in circles about it. “He’s seeing someone. A technical analyst for the FBI named Vania. They came out to visit when Micah was on his leave after…being shot. She’s sweet, strong, doesn’t put up with any, for lack of a better term, crap. She’s beautiful, too. Long black hair, blue eyes. It seems interesting to me that two homosexual men could have raised two so very blatantly heterosexual children. Not that I mind. It means that I’ll have grandchildren. Though, with Molly’s on the way I surely do hope that Micah waits for a time. I think he might marry Vania if he allows himself to admit how much he loves her. She may settle him. She doesn’t seem like the type to put up with the possibility of raising a child without her husband. She may settle him yet. I hope so.

“Matty and Janice are doing very well. Janice is a partner in her firm now. Matty just got his driver’s license. Janice and I are considering issuing a general warning to the public to stay off of the roadways. We’re pretty sure that the only reason his tester passed him is because he was too terrified at the end of the test to be thinking clearly. He’s had a string of girlfriends. I can’t keep up anymore. Janice is seeing someone. A widower with two grown kids of his own. It’s just casual now. We’ll see if it goes anywhere else. I’m not sure if she wants it to at this point. After two divorces I’m sure she’s a little wary of marriage anymore.

“She does want me to start dating again. So do Molly and Micah. They’re all ganging up on me really. There is this one person…I met him at a diner after a meeting with one of my graduate students. It was late. He came in because he was working late as well. He’s sweet, beautiful, a great friend. But, he’s not you. I don’t expect him to be, of course, but I…I don’t know if I’m ready, Matthew. I wish I could talk to you about this. I miss you. So much. Sometimes I still can’t breathe when I think about you. But…I have dreams…Is it wrong? I feel like I’m betraying you, but it’s been so long.”

“You’re life is just full of angst right now, isn’t it, babe?”

Mohinder snapped his head up and looked at the headstone. Even though he knew that the voice in his head was just his imagination, what he wished he could hear Matthew saying, knowing what Matthew would have said in the situation, he couldn’t help but hope that Matthew would be sitting on the stone. Even if it was just a dream, even if it was a ghost of Matthew for just a moment, it would mean that he was able to talk to Matthew one last time.

“Come on, Mohinder! You just said it yourself. You knew me well enough to know exactly what I would say to you. And you can always talk to me. You do it all the time.”

“Why does it feel so much stronger when I’m here?”

“Because you feel closer to me here? Does it really matter, Mohinder? You known exactly what I would say.”

“But…I love you, Matthew.”

He could picture Matthew rolling his eyes, could almost feel his arms around him as he whispered in his ear, “Just because you allow yourself to love again doesn’t lessen what we had and it doesn’t mean that you love me any less now. I love you, Mohinder. I want to see you happy. Only ever wanted to see you happy. Love me enough now to do that for me, yeah?”

“You know I always have,” Mohinder murmured, rocking slightly, wrapping his arms around himself and rocking gently, feeling Matthew holding him. He began to hum the song that Matthew had decided was theirs in the first year of their relationship. It was an old tune, not something most would consider an expression of love, haunting and melancholy, but it brought a smile to Mohinder’s face as he imagined Matthew humming it with him, off key and loving as always. In that moment Mohinder felt something settle in him that had been up in the air for six long years. He felt something in his heart, the tear that had pulsed with hurt and grief just hours before, heal into something that meant he could remember Matthew with love. It meant that he wouldn’t have to feel guilty now for living his life because Matthew could not. Matthew would want him to live, to love. Matthew’s death was not cause for both of them to die.

“Appa!”

Mohinder opened his eyes and looked across the green grass to see his very grown, very pregnant daughter looking at him with a smile on her face as she reached a hand out to him. He stood and began brushing non-existent dirt and wrinkles from his jacket.

“You’ve been brooding long enough! Time to go home!” There was laughter in her voice as she beckoned him over. Jason stood behind her, car door open, obviously trying to convince her to sit down. He had a lot to learn if he thought he could ever make Molly Parkman Suresh- Allen, his mind corrected him, Molly Allen- do something before she was ready to do it. She waited until he had reached her and took her hand before turning back to the car. As they walked, she studied her father’s face. There was something different about him. He seemed more at peace, happier, than he had since her daddy had died. She loved him so much, knew exactly who could help him completely. She hoped when she spoke this time he would finally be receptive to what she had to say.

“Have a good talk with Daddy?” She asked, leaning her head against his strong arm.

“I did,” he agreed.

“Good.” She snuggled and he allowed it, knowing what was coming. It was the first time the prospect didn’t bring pain with it, but hope, “Appa, you going to listen this time?”

“I am,” he agreed, helping her in the car. They were silent while he got into the seat in front of her and turned around to look at her. She was smiling brightly as they pulled away and turned to blow one final kiss to her daddy’s grave, all the while thinking how much she loved him. When she turned back, she took the had Mohinder offered her, entwining their fingers.

“I love you, Appa.”

“I love you, too, Molly doll.”

She took a breath, smiled at him again, tentatively, and said it.

Author’s Note: I can’t decide if it should end there or if Molly should say:
“Don’t you think it’s time you give Peter a chance?” OR
“Don’t you think it’s time you give Gabriel a chance?”
If you have an opinion please drop a review. I’d really appreciate it. Thanks so much! T.H.