Awake And Home

Disclaimer: I do not own Heroes nor do I make any profit from this story.

Author’s Note: This is a sequel to “To Cling To Love And Life.” That one wasn’t all that well read, but I liked it and I like this sequel. Please leave a review if you have time. I really appreciate them. Thanks and Happy Reading. T.H.


The fog was finally lifting from his mind. For what felt like an eternity he had been drifting in his own consciousness, unable to make any connections in his thoughts. He recognized the fact that he was sedated, probably for his own good, but he had never been so heavily drugged before. He couldn’t even think of a reason why he might be drugged. He had tried again and again to remember what might have happened, but before he could even put two thoughts together the fog took over again and he drifted down into a pleasant state where thoughts weren’t needed anymore. In times when the fog was lightest, he heard voices, sweet, gentle voices. But, he could never quite understand what they were saying. He knew the tone. It was comforting, sometimes pleading, and always loving. He wanted to understand what they were saying more than anything, but hadn’t been able to make it out. Until now.

He knew that the fog was lifting now because he could finally understand the words that were being spoken to him by the sweet, sad voice he had come to love so much. He had never imagined himself a father. Until it had happened, the thought had never really crossed his mind. He had never been in a relationship long enough to see it to its inevitable end with marriage or lifetime commitment and children. Even if he had, he wasn’t sure that he would have been open to the idea of having children. What did he know about raising them? His own father had never been around enough to really allow him to learn what it was like to love unconditionally and how to put someone else’s needs before his own. His father had always been more interested in his research. He really had no way of knowing if he would be a good father or just another like his own. He wanted more for his potential children than a man they could say they had never really known. But, then he had seen her. He’d been introduced to Molly when she was sick and in bed. They had drawn pictures together, talked for hours, played numerous games. He had come to love her more than he had ever loved anyone or anything in the world. From the first moment he had seen his blue-eyed, brown-haired angel he had known two things. The first was that she would be his. His little girl, his baby. The other was that he had to do everything in his power to keep her safe and happy.

Safe and happy had meant that after all had been said and done at Kirby Plaza Officer Matthew Parkman had come home with them. It had been tough for a little while. Matthew had been depressed and moody. Some because he felt useless as he was recovering from the four bullets he had taken to the chest and some because of the divorce his wife had filed for while he was still in the hospital. Mohinder hadn’t been exactly overjoyed to have him staying in the apartment. Somehow Molly’s “hero” always made him feel less than adequate in the eyes of the little girl they both loved. But, he had tried his hardest to be kind, courteous`, and welcoming. Still, after a time Matthew’s moodiness had grated on him and he had found it harder and harder to hold his tongue and his temper. But, he had and things had gotten much easier when Matthew had finally gotten a job with the NYPD and finally felt like he was pulling his weight again.

After that life had become as close to ideal as he could imagine. He and Matthew had decided just before putting Molly into school that it would be much easier to let people assume they were a gay couple who had adopted a little girl than try to explain their true situation. Matt had been much more comfortable with the little touches and falsehoods at first, but he hadn’t been surprised when he had grown to like them. He had been so starved for physical affection all his life and it was the one thing Matthew seemed to give him in abundance. At first he had seen Matthew through jealous eyes, then, as he got to know him, through Molly’s eyes. Matthew was a wonderful father who knew just the right balance between discipline and fun, tough and loving. It seemed to follow that soon after he started seeing Matthew through Molly’s eyes he started seeing him through the eyes of another parent. Then, he finally started seeing him as he was.

It was so easy to fall in love with Matthew after that. He was kind, loving, loyal to the end. Of course he had his faults. He was stubborn, moody, and could be very rude without meaning to be. He found that little things that had once annoyed him almost to the point of screaming began to make him smile. The way Matthew never seemed to have a clean ironed shirt unless the laundry had been done by someone other than himself. The way he seemed to let Molly eat sweets right before dinner. The way he insisted that they go to sporting events because they would be fun even though he knew they wouldn’t really pay attention to the game. He always knew they would have a wonderful time anyway because they were spending the evening as a real family. He even found himself shaking his head with a smile on his face at the way Matthew left the cap off the toothpaste and his dirty uniform shirts on the living room furniture.

He could pinpoint exactly when he had looked at Matthew and seen someone more than his friend and fellow parent. It had been Tuesday, July seventeenth 2007 just after six o’clock in the evening. It was before he had gone on his lecture series, just after Matthew had gotten his job with the New York police department. The apartment had been stifling in the heat, making him consider what he should make the three of them for dinner that wouldn’t be too heavy on the summer night. He had turned from folding their laundry to ask Matthew and Molly what sounded good for dinner and had felt his heart trip to see Matthew sleeping on the couch in his white t-shirt and plaid boxers. That in itself was not unusual. Matthew often took a nap after his shift, before dinner. He was still a little weak in general and they had him behind a desk until he was one hundred percent again, but he was so happy to be back at work that he didn’t mind at all. He took the naps for the same reason, but he’d never admit it. What was unusual about this nap was that Molly had joined him. She was laying on his chest in the jean shorts she had wanted more than anything at the beginning of the summer and the bright pink shirt with the popular teenage stars he couldn’t name. Matthew’s arms were around her and they both looked calm and peaceful in their sleep, something that rarely happened in their household. Mohinder wondered idly how the position wasn’t overheating the both of them before he knelt down by the couch and kissed Molly’s forehead. He brushed hair out of Matthew’s face and kissed his forehead before he thought about it. But, once he had he rocked back on his heels and just looked.

Matthew was beautiful. He had never noticed before. Perhaps others would say that he was fat or unattractive. But, through his eyes Matt was solid, reliable, cuddly (as was proven by their daughter sleeping on his chest), and absolutely gorgeous. His features were so boylike, smooth, and balanced. His eyes were so beautiful and always so full of life. How had he never noticed? He felt a strong jolt of attraction strike him in the gut and had to take a deep breath to reorient himself in the new reality he found himself in. He was attracted to Matthew, his flat-mate, the man helping him raise a little girl. Could he afford such an attraction? What would happen to Molly if he acted on the attraction and Matthew turned him down? What would happen if he acted, they had a relationship, and it ended badly? What if it didn’t end badly and he and Matthew were together the rest of their lives with their daughter and perhaps another child or two? He had just smiled at the thought, decided it would be better to just pretend he hadn’t come to this realization until he absolutely had to confront it, and given in to the intense desire to kiss Matthew once, chastely.
But, Matthew hadn’t let it be that easy. As he was getting ready to get up, start making light sandwiches for when Matthew and Molly woke up, Matthew had taken his hand. He’d been surprised when he looked down to see that Matthew’s eyes were open and he was looking up intently. For what felt like eternity they just looked at each other, each knowing what the other was thinking without the aid of powers. Then, Matthew had lifted the hand he had caught in his own and pressed a gentle kiss to the knuckles.

“Thought you would never feel the same.” Matthew said, his voice a little rough from his nap, “Been thinking about you a long time. We’re going to have to do something about this. But, I can wait long as you need to get adjusted to the idea. What are you making for dinner?”

He had found out later, when they lay in bed after their first time making love, that Matthew had always been attracted to him. Matthew had always been attracted to men, but he had come from a family, had been raised by a mother, where he had been taught that his inclinations were evil and impure. So, he had married Janice just out of high school and had never been happy in his marriage, no matter how hard he had tried to pretend he was. It was better that they had gotten divorced. The marriage was falling apart anyway and once he had seen Mohinder it was all over anyway. Matthew had been the first to say “I love you,” in their relationship. He hadn’t yet said it. At least he didn’t think he had. As he tried to think a little deeper on the subject, his mind became a little fuzzy. It was the strangest thing, but he couldn’t remember anything past getting Molly ready for her sleepover.

Molly. Their beautiful little girl. He could finally make out the words she was saying to him even though he knew instinctively that she had been speaking to him before, perhaps many times as he had been drifting in the fog. He concentrated on her voice as he tried to lift his heavy eyelids to look at her as well.

“I had a spelling test today. Daddy helped me study while Uncle Peter was here with you. I got a ninety-five percent because I forgot that pterodactyl had a p before the t. Daddy says that’s okay because I still did great. He says you would say so, too. Do you say so, Appa? Did I do okay? I wish you would talk to me. You’ve been asleep for so long. Daddy says they had to put you to sleep so that your body could heal, but I miss you so much. Daddy misses you, too. He cries for you when he thinks I don’t notice. And he sleeps on the couch or in my bed with me if I have a nightmare. I wasn’t supposed to hear, but he told Uncle Peter it’s because your bed doesn’t feel good without you. Please, wake up, Appa. I miss you every day. Uncle Peter will be back in a minute and Daddy will be coming to pick me up. I better pack up. I love you, Appa.”

He could hear her putting her things in her school back, could picture her in the uniform required at her school, and all of the sudden the only thing he knew was that he had to wake up so that he could speak to her before she left again. She had sounded so heartbroken. She needed him so much and he was failing her because he couldn’t open his eyes, couldn’t speak a work to her! From the first moment he had seen her he had sworn to himself and to her that he would always be there for her, always take care of her. She needed him now and he would not fail.

What he had intended to be her name came out as a low moan he didn’t recognize as coming from him until he felt pressure on his hand where her little one had grabbed his.

“Appa?” Her voice was hopeful, excited, “Can you hear me? Squeeze my hand, okay?”

Though it took considerably longer than he had thought it would and considerably more concentration than it should have required he felt his hand move ever so slightly on his girl’s and heard her excited squeal.

“Try to open you eyes, Appa, please!” She begged and for her, he tried his very hardest. He was exhausted by the time he was able to force his eyes open, but felt triumphant at his success. At first, he only saw a white blur. It was quickly blocked out by a colored blur that took him a very long time to focus enough to realize was his girl. She was looking down at him with tears running down her cheeks and a smile on her lips.

“Mo…Molly…” he managed to croak out her name, low and almost indecipherable, but it made her smile wider.

“Appa!” She set a gentle hand to his cheek and he had never felt anything more wonderful in his life, “We’ve been waiting forever and ever! I love you so much!”

“I…love…you,” he whispered.

“Molly, you know you’re not supposed to be on the… Mohinder?”

He recognized Peter’s voice and attempted a smile, though he was sure it looked more like a wince, as Peter came into view over him.

“Welcome back,” Peter smiled, “I’m going to get a doctor and call Matt, okay?”

“Matt…Matthew,” he whispered, wanting Matthew more than he could say all of the sudden. He felt tears leak from his eyes and was in such physical pain and mental want that he couldn’t even care. If they came to drug him again he knew he would refuse. He wanted to see Matthew first, needed to see him.

“Appa,” Molly’s voice was tormented, “Appa, please don’t cry. Daddy’ll be here soon. I promise.”

“Molly, what are you…Mohinder?”

“Matthew,” he whispered and when Matt and Molly were looking down on him, both of them with love and relief in their eyes, he knew he had never seen anything more beautiful.

It was another two weeks before he was able to hold a conversation with either his love or his child that lasted for more than ten minutes without the aid of pain medications so heavy that he was sure he wasn’t making much sense anyway. On the day he could finally sit up and the pain was bearable enough without the sedatives, he finally asked Matt what had happened.

“You don’t remember?” Matt asked. Mohinder had half a mind to ask him not to rub his thumb over the hand he held in quite that way as it distracted him so greatly, but it felt so good when everything had been pain for the past weeks that he decided he didn’t dare.

“The last thing I remember is helping Molly pack for the night,” he admitted quietly, taking deep breaths every few words. They had told him his right lung had collapsed at one point and was still quite injured. It would be quite a while before he would be able to breathe like he was used to doing. As it was, they still had him on oxygen, though Molly had told him she was glad because the respirator, when they had had him on that, had scared her very much. “After that, everything gets very strange as if I’m watching a dream that is not my own and was never quite finished.”

“Where would you like me to start?” Matt asked, slipping into the bed when Mohinder begged him to with his eyes and taking his lover in his arms. He had lost so much weight over the past month and he was still in so much pain that Matt was afraid of hurting him in some way, but it was more than wanting him there that had Mohinder asking him into the hospital bed. Mohinder needed him there, needed to feel him solid and real and holding him to feel comfort. Matt had almost lost him. There was no way he would deny him anything now or perhaps ever. Well, at least until he had been back in his feet for a few…years maybe. He didn’t want to relive the worst night of his life, but if Mohinder wanted to know what had happened, Mohinder was entitled to know.

“At the beginning, please,” Mohinder laid his head over Matt’s heart and was comforted by the steady beat under his ear. He didn’t know how long he was going to be able to listen to Matt before he needed his pain medications, but he wanted to be clear-headed so that he was certain he understood.

“Okay,” Matt agreed, running his fingers up and down Mohinder’s arm gently, “We packed Molly up to spend the night at Sarah’s and walked her over. Jen and Nick are good people. They’ve been so great, coming in to see you, taking Molly when I wanted some time with you alone, you’ll like them a lot. You liked them when we dropped off Molly.”

“Lemonade and night terrors,” Mohinder murmured, “That’s something I remember. I wasn’t sure if it had happened.”

“Yeah. Lemonade and night terrors,” Matt kissed his forehead and continued, “When we left we stopped just down the street to take a moment. We both needed it. Maybe if we hadn’t we would have been out of the corner store before the kid with the gun came in.”

“Hindsight is perfect,” Mohinder linked his hand with Matthew’s and settled in further, knowing he would fall asleep soon. Matthew must have told them to put a sedative in his I.V. when they had changed it. He wasn’t upset by the fact. The pain was starting to get to him again. He hoped Matt would finish quickly anyway. It wasn’t easy to hear about being shot. It brought memories, some sensory, some visual, back that he wasn’t quite sure he wanted to remember.

“It is,” Matt agreed, “He was high. He wanted to hurt someone more than he wanted the money. I would have had it under control. I tried to use my influence on the kid to get him to leave the store before he could hurt anyone, but no one else knew what I can do. A guy jumped on the kid from behind. The gun went off. I put the kid to sleep. When I turned to you, you were down on the ground. For a minute I didn’t know what had happened and when I realized…I’ve never been so scared.” Matt wanted to tell Mohinder that he had said he loved him, wanted to ask if it was just because of the situation at the time, but didn’t have the courage. He didn’t want to know the answer if it wasn’t really the one he wanted. He tried not to read Mohinder’s thoughts if he could help it. That wasn’t fair or right in a relationship, so he had no more idea what Mohinder felt than what he chose to share. So, he took a breath and tried not to think about what he had felt when he had held Mohinder’s lifeless body in his arms, “You flat-lined four times. Once at the store, once in the ambulance, on the operating table, and once again a day later in your room. They decided to put you in a medically induced coma to help your body heal more easily. You probably don’t want to know now all that happened in those two and a half weeks.”

“Not completely,” Mohinder admitted, “Maybe someday. I don’t need to hear the intricacies of my near death quite yet when I can still feel the results.”

“I know you’re still in a lot of pain, but they’re saying you’ll be able to go home in a couple of days. Physical therapy, medications, same drill we went through with me, but we’ll be so glad to have you home. Molly and I have been missing you so much.”

“I’ve missed you both. I see you’ve become, dare I say it, friends with Peter.”

“He’s been really great. He’s not such a bad guy after all.”

“So I’ve been saying for months,” Mohinder laughed gently around a yawn that he couldn’t quite complete because it hurt too much to breathe deeply, “I…I think I have to sleep now.”

“Go ahead,” Matt smiled into the black hair that was finally getting some shine back and stroked a hand down the skin that was so familiar, “I’ll still be here when you wake up. I’m always going to be here, Mohinder.”

Three days later, when he was finally able to go home, it took Mohinder nearly fifteen minutes just to get up the stairs. Matt stayed behind him every step of the way and would have carried Mohinder if he hadn’t known what a blow to Mohinder’s pride that would be. Mohinder had been walking everyday in the hospital since he had woken up, often with Molly or Matt himself, but the stairs were another matter entirely. He had to stop every other stair to catch his breath, but Matt said nothing and just let him lean against him when he had to. Molly had wanted to come to the hospital with him to pick Mohinder up, but he had known that Mohinder wouldn’t want her to see how weak he was. They all had their pride after all. He had convinced her to stay at the apartment with Peter. He could hear her thoughts from the bottom of the stairs. She was very excited about the banner she and Peter had made. She was trying to remind herself not to run straight to him. Daddy had told her Appa would still be weak for a very good long while, just like Daddy had been after he was shot. She was glad that Daddy was getting along better with Uncle Peter now. Uncle Peter was funny and he made her feel safe. Not like Daddy and Appa, but like an uncle should. She loved them all and what was taking Daddy so long to get Appa home?

Matt smiled at her thoughts and smiled again when they reached the landing and Mohinder leaned against him, taking a moment to catch his breath. He wrapped his arms around him and breathed in his scent. He would sleep in their bed tonight for the first time since Mohinder had been shot. It had been too empty while Mohinder was in the hospital and they hadn’t known if he would be coming home at all. He knew that if Mohinder had left them he would have found a different apartment for himself and his little girl. There would have been too many memories of Mohinder in the apartment they were about to enter. But, as Mohinder hadn’t left them, as he was in Matt’s arms, real, alive, and much too thin, they would stay in their wonderful little apartment and make more memories of all kinds. It had been just over five weeks since Mohinder had been home and Matt was so glad that he was able to walk through the door that it was making him a little dizzy and giddy with relief and joy.

“Ready?” Matt asked after Mohinder’s breathing had leveled out.

“More than,” Mohinder smiled up at him, “One request first?”

“Anything.”

“Kiss me now…please.”

Matt smiled and leaned down to fit his mouth gently to Mohinder’s. He was surprised, but not unhappy, when Mohinder deepened the kiss briefly before pulling back to catch his breath. Matt held him and rocked slowly, humming tunelessly, his heart completely at peace for the first time in a very, very long while.

“Love you, Mohinder,” he placed a kiss to Mohinder’s hair.

“I love you, Matthew. Take me inside now? I want, more than anything, to be home.”

“Sure. Of course. Whatever you want. Welcome home.”

“Appa!” Molly shouted as Matt opened the door. She ran, but embraced Mohinder gently, “You’re home! Please don’t go away again!”

“Never again,” Mohinder promised, hugging her to him gently. As he spoke he looked into Matt’s eyes and smiled.

“Welcome home, man,” Peter smiled and squeezed Mohinder’s shoulder gently, “Mention the banner,” he whispered in Mohinder’s ear, “She worked so hard on it. Glad to see you back on your feet.”

“Thank you, Peter,” Mohinder released Molly for a second to hug Peter close, “For everything. Matthew and Molly have told me all you’ve done for them and me in the past month. You’re a great friend.”

“Yeah, well,” Peter shrugged, “What else was I going to do? I think I’ll make my exit now. You guys deserve some family time.”

“Molly, that banner is so beautiful,” Mohinder complimented as he made his way to the couch while Matt showed Peter out, thanking him warmly for everything, “Thank you very much for making it.” Molly’s smile was like the sun.

“Okay, you two,” Matt clapped and rubbed his hands together as he approached the couch, “Molly, how does pizza sound? And you, Mr. Suresh, you can only have something from your list of approved foods but some of them don’t seem so bad.”

“Have you been eating pizza all month?” Mohinder was scandalized.

“Of course not,” Matt smiled.

“We’ve also had Chinese and Mexican and Vietnamese and a lot of Indian food,” Molly counted off the different take-out they had eaten since Mohinder had been in the hospital.

“That is going to change, young lady,” Mohinder tried to look strict, but couldn’t help but smile.

“Yeah, I know,” she snuggled into his side. I don’t care, was what she left unspoken, as long as you’re here.

Later that night Matt looked down at Mohinder as he was dozing, a paperback on his chest, Molly’s little arm around his waist as she slept next to him. He supposed he should have put her to bed, told her that despite the fact that Appa was home for the first time in a month she still had to sleep in her own bed. But, he hadn’t had the heart to say it. How could he when he didn’t have to be a mind reader to know just how relieved she was to have Mohinder back? He was feeling the exact same way. He couldn’t say just how full his heart was as he watched his lover, his love, and their daughter sleep quietly and peacefully in the bed Matt and Mohinder called their own. Mohinder had said he loved him. He had seen it in Mohinder’s eyes before, had heard it once, but somehow, it had felt like the first time. For the first time since that horrible night he felt like he could breathe. So, he laid down, set a hand on Molly’s back over Mohinder’s and fell asleep with a smile on his face.