Touching

Dean was sitting on the edge of the bed, wearing a white flannel robe that he had liberated from a previous motel. The gold thread “DW” monogram had made it impossible to pass up and he always felt a little like Hugh Hefner when wearing it, which now he thought about it was exactly the wrong feeling at the moment. He was about to perform a quick change when the door to the bathroom opened and Sam came out towelling his face.

Dean hadn’t known what to do when he had found Sam like that, with his cum all over his face and the photo in his hand. First there had been shock, then embarrassment at his own nudity and then his usual bravado had come in to play. But now a panic was prickling at the back of his mind, panic that a dirty secret was now exposed and that nothing would ever be the same again, that he would lose his brother forever.

Sam threw the towel over the back of a chair and moved over and sat down next to Dean. Sam was wearing a simple grey T-Shirt and jeans, his usual combo. Dean thought to himself how Sam filled out the T-Shirt a lot better now than he had a couple of years before and promptly mentally slapped himself for letting his lustful mind wander in that way.

Sam turned to look at Dean, his face was red from being washed and his eyebrows were raised in that quirky and questioning way they often were when he wasn’t quite sure of what to do next.

“Hey,” said Dean “don’t look at me like that. You’re the one who was spying and was found with incriminating evidence all over their face.”

Sam raised his hands defensively “And you were the one beating off to a picture of the two of us.”

Dean coughed uncomfortably and leaned forward while looking away from Sam. “Like I said, we’ve got some issues to talk about.”

“URT,” said Sam?

“UR what?”

“URT,” repeated Sam “unresolved sexual tension. It’s a common thing among team mates in sport.”

“Yes,” Dean sputtered “but we’ve brothers not a football team of frustrated frat boys!”

“You’ve seen that movie too?” said Sam.

“Have not,” spat Dean uncomfortably and hoping that Sam hadn’t been checking out the same hotel porn he had.

“Look Dean,” said Sam earnestly “perhaps it’s a good thing that things have come to a head.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, this has obviously been an undercurrent of our relationship for some time. It might explain why we fight so much.”

“We don’t fight,” said Dean “couples fight, we bicker.”

“Kind of proves my point,” said Sam.

Dean jumped up off of the bed and began pacing up and down. “Shit,” he shouted.

“I didn’t even want to admit it to myself,” cried Dean “I don’t know what came over me. I hadn’t meant to do it.”

Sam watched his brother getting ever more frantic.

“I was just lying there, I intended to use the girly mag. But I’d thought about the photo of us so many times. Thought about using but never had. But this time it was like the time was right and I had to get it out of my system.”

“Well judging by the mess you made you certainly did get it all out,” said Sam with a smirk.

Dean turned on Sam, his face red and angry “Don’t laugh at me Sam, I’m fucking mad. You were spying on me,” Dean’s eyes was beginning to tear up, ”I never meant you to see that.”

“You have every right to be angry at me Dean,” said Sam “but you’d been so distant recently and I was worried. I was really worried there was something going wrong between us.”

“I’m not angry at you Sam,” said Dean “I’m angry at myself. I’ve been trying to keep away from you, hoping the feelings I’ve been having would fade if we spent less time together.”

Dean fell to his knees on the floor and modestly pulled the robe around himself to protect his modesty. Sam dropped off the bed and sat cross legged in front of Dean.

“I’ve degraded myself in front of you,” said Dean.

“You didn’t know I was watching,” said Sam “I shouldn’t have been spying and I shouldn’t have looked at the picture. Seeing it there, the smell of your cum I woke something in me I didn’t know was there.”

“See, I’ve corrupted you,” Dean covered his face with his hands.

“Listen,” said Sam “it’s better to have it out in the open like this than festering and eating away at us. At least now we can do something about it.”

“Do something about it,” Dean’s head snapped up, his expression horrified.

“We can manage these feelings so they don’t get out of control,” said Sam.

“Right,” said Dean “we can control this.”

Sam moved so that he was kneeling in front of Dean, close enough so they could whisper as though they might be overheard when talking about their dark secret “When are the feelings at their worst?”

“In the impala,” said Dean.

“In the impala?” Sam was puzzled.

“When we are driving and you are asleep,” said Dean “I look at you and I just want to reach out and touch you, lay my hand on your thigh.”

Dean bit his lip as though he had said too much.

“Okay,” said Sam “that’s not too bad. We can manage this.”

Dean looked at Sam.

“Touch me,” said Sam.

“What!” exclaimed Dean.

“Dean we have to manage this or it’ll destroy us,” said Sam “so touch me, touch my thigh.”

“No,” said Dean “I can’t. I want to but I can’t.”

“Why not?” asked Sam.

“We’re brothers,” Dean guiltily whispered the words.

“Look it’s just a touch, it’s not crossing a line or anything,” said Sam “and it might get rid of the urge.”

“You think?” Dean wasn’t convinced.

“Let’s try it and at least you’ll not be so eaten up about it anymore.”

“You seem very relaxed about all this,” said Dean.

“To be honest, I’m relieved,” said Sam.

“How can you be relieved, this is sick.”

“When I was cleaning up I had time to think and I thought about all the things I considered might be reasons for the distance between us. You could have been possessed, you could be blaming me for everything that’s happened recently. You could have been on the edge of permanent darkness or death or you could have been on the verge of hurting yourself of me. To find that all it was, was that we perhaps love each other a little too much is actually a relief,” Sam said with a sad smile.

“That doesn’t mean it’s all right.”

“No, but it answers a lot of questions about you and about how we feel about each other, “ Sam smiled “most brothers don’t cling to each other as much as we do.”

“We’re fighting a war Sam.”

“That doesn’t explain why everyone we meet assumes we are lovers not brothers,” Sam almost laughed “and it doesn’t explain why I don’t feel complete without you beside me.”

“But this, this perversion isn’t the answer,” Dean was up on his knees too now.

“No but we understand it now and we can manage it,” said Sam “now touch me.”

“No.”

“It’s the thing you fear most,” said Sam.

“Because it’s the thing I want most and the one thing I can never have.”

“The thing about fear is you have to face it or it controls you,” said Sam “we can’t let out fear start to control us, not in our line of work. We could both end up dead.”

“No fear then?” said Dean.

“No fear,” Sam smiled “touch me Dean.”

Dean tentatively reached out, slowly moving his right hand towards Sam’s kneeling left thigh. When he was close he almost pulled back but Sam nodded his agreement and Dean placed his trembling hand on Sam’s warm and muscular thigh.

Dean looked up in to Sam’s eyes as he felt the warmth of his brother’s body through his jeans. Dean flexed his fingers, letting them stretch out and feel the tensed contours of Sam’s upper thigh as he kneeled in front of him.

“See we can manage this,” said Sam, his voice warm and comforting.

Dean began to explore his brother’s thigh, reaching round and feeling it all over as though a great hunger were burning below the surface that he was trying to control. Dean could feel his blood pulsing more strongly, rushing to his lower regions as his arousal grew.

“This isn’t helping,” Dean’s voice was raspy and urgent.

“Okay,” said Sam and he pulled Dean’s hand away.

“It’s not enough,” said Dean.

“Look, I want the same thing you do,” said Sam “but we can control it together.”

“How?” Dean sounded exhausted.

“I’ve seen you,” said Sam “and I’ve tasted you. I know what to do”

Dean looked at Sam with a mix of worry and desire as his younger brother reached down and began unbuckling his belt.

“Stop!” said Dean.

“Look,” said Sam “I didn’t know I wanted you until I saw you, in your most intimate state and it’s made things difficult and out of balance, we need to deal with this.”

Dean blushed “We can’t have sex, it’s incest.”

“I’m not proposing we have sex, we can’t,” said Sam “but I’ve seen you in your most intimate moment. If I return the favour it might balance things out and make things more even and comfortable for both of us.”

Sam began unbuttoning the flies of his jeans.

Dean pulled back “But we can’t.”

“Look, if we are just watching it’s not sex,” said Sam “lot’s of guys take part in circle jerks, share porn or have cum races without it ever turning in to sex.”

“So you just jerk off in front of me and we’re equal?” said Dean.

“Well, yeah.”

“It’s not that simple Sam,” Dean spat.

“Look, we have to try and deal with this somehow,” said Sam “do you have a better idea?”

“No,” said Dean.

“Then let’s get this over with,” said Sam as he reached in to his jeans and pulled out his penis.

Dean turned away.

“Look Dean, this isn’t going to work unless you watch.”

Dean turned and looked down at Sam’s cock, it was already half hard in Sam’s hand.

“Are you ready?” asked Sam.

“No,” said Dean.

“I’ll take that as a maybe,” and Sam began to stroke himself.

Dean’s eyes widened as he saw Sam’s cock hardening under the motion of his strong masculine fingers. His intact foreskin was pulled back behind the purple head and now at full mast it looked to be nearly eight inches.

Sam’s head was lolling back and his eyes closed and his tongue licking his lips as he got in to his rhythm, it was almost as he had forgotten Dean was there. Dean tried hard to control his own breathing as he reached down under his robe and began to massage his own hardening member. He watched Sam’s face closely, the veins stretching in his strong neck as Sam turned his head and chewed his lip, feeling the pleasure moving through his body from his groin.

Suddenly Sam’s head snapped forward and his eyes opened, seeing Dean reaching down in to his robe as their eyes met.

“Open your robe,” said Sam, it was almost an order.

Dean pulled apart his robe, he was naked beneath it and he began to match his brother’s motion as they looked in each others eyes as they jerked off. Dean switched hands, taking his penis in his left hand freeing his right hand to reach out. Sam looked down as Dean’s hand reached and hovered above his thigh. They were about to cross a line, it wouldn’t be sex but they would be touching.

“Touch me,” said Sam.

Dean’s right hand lowered and began to massage Sam’s thigh with as much hunger as his other hand stroked his cock. Sam reached out with his free hand and held the side of Dean’s head. They looked deep in each other’s eyes, breathing heavily, touching themselves and touching each other.

Dean almost involuntarily found himself leaning forward and as though overtaken by the moment, Sam thrust his face forward and their lips met. The brother’s mouths opened, tasting each other’s warm breath and their tongues meeting as they continued masturbating. The brothers began to lean closer in to each other as their stimulations became more urgent and the warmth from each other’s bodies only increased their need for each other.

Dean was the first to cum, their lips breaking away as he collapsed in to Sam as his second ejaculation splurged across his fingers. Sam reached his head around and began licking Dean’s ear as he quickened the stimulation and released in a gush of juices like he’s never known before. Sweaty and breathless the two Winchester brothers balanced on each other lest the exhaustion of their emissions would make them fall.

“Fuck me,” said Dean,

“You want me to?” asked Sam, pulling Dean’s face to his own and raising a quizzical eyebrow.

“No,” exclaimed Dean, falling backwards “I meant fuck me as an exclamation not a request.”