Watching You

(Authers Note: The first section of this is from Gunmen of the Apocalypse. When Rimmer says “It's pathetic watching you grind away day after day.” my immediate thought was, ‘so you watch him, do you?’ and thus, this story was born)


Watching You.
Red Dwarf. Lister/Rimmer


“You took your time. Where've you been?” Rimmer asked sharply when he saw Lister walking down the stairs.

Lister looked half embarrassed. “I was in the AR machine.”

“Again?” Rimmer spluttered, “everyone knows you only use the AR machine to have sex.”

Lister looked outraged, “That is not true!” he said, but not entirely convincingly.

“Yes, true. It's pathetic watching you grind away day after day.”

Even as he said it, Rimmer realised that maybe implying that he watched Lister doing this was not such a good idea. Especially as it was all so very true. Also, maybe imitating the act by thrusting his own groin in a mocking parody was not such a great idea either. He quickly babbled on some more to detract from what he’d said. “It's like a dog that's missing it's masters leg. That groinal attachment's supposed to have a lifetimes guarantee, you've worn it out in nearly three weeks.”

Rimmer was relieved to see that the clue had entirely passed by Lister.

“That is an outrageous scandalous piece of libel. I don't just play the role play games. What about the sporting simulations? Like zero-gee kick boxing and Wimbledon?”

“You only play Wimbledon cos you're having it off with that jail bait ball girl,” argued Rimmer, trying to keep the jealousy out of his voice. He hated that girl.

Outrage flashed across Lister’s face yet again, “Another total lie. She's not jail bait, she's seventeen.”

“Lister, she's a computer sprite, and surely that's the point; she's just a load of pixels.”

Lister turned to face Rimmer and flashed his signature cheeky grin, the one that always made Rimmer melt. “Yeah, but what pixels!” and then he turned and ran into the cockpit to talk to Kryten and Cat, leaving Rimmer staring after him. Particularly staring at that beautiful arse as it vanished into the other room.

This infatuation Rimmer was forced to suffer through had been bad enough to begin with, but since Legion had given him the new Hard-Light Drive it had become almost unbearable. Before, when he’d still been Soft-Light, he couldn’t touch anything (except himself, for which he was eternally grateful) but now…

The first thing that had touched him had been Lister, who had reached out a hand and innocently touched his arm, that brief moment had sent tingles of pleasure throughout Rimmer’s body. Late at night, when Rimmer touched himself, he conjured up the memory of that moment, and many other small, innocent touches just like it. He wanted to touch Lister so bad but the thought of Lister finding out how he felt filled him with cold dread. He must never ever find out. Rimmer believed that Lister could never feel the same. For a start he was obsessed with that bitch, Kochanski. And anyway, there was no part of Rimmer’s self-loathing that would allow him to think that anyone could be attracted to him.

With a heavy sigh he walked into the cockpit to join the others.

~~~~~

It was late at night and everyone was asleep when Lister left the sleeping quarters and crept down the corridor to the AR unit. He had got careless. What the hell had possessed him earlier to do this while everyone was up and about? Rimmer had told him he’d walked in on him for gods sake! The thought of it made his face turn bright red. It would have been all too easy for him to have realised what he was actually doing! The Wimbledon girl indeed. Yeah right.

Rimmer must have played on the AR machines before, or maybe it was because his hologram had been saved onto the ships computer, but somehow the AR machines had picked up the mans image, and stored it safely for anyone to… use.

He hadn’t meant to have sex with this copy of Rimmer but… well… it had been nice to look at him without having to worry about the real Rimmer knowing he was looking at him, and then he wondered what Rimmer looked like without his shirt on and had got a bit carried away. It just sort of happened. And then kept happening. A lot.

He didn’t know where this attraction to Rimmer had come from. He’d tried to tell himself it was because he was all alone in deep space but he knew that even before the rest of the crew had died there had been something there. Something about the way Rimmer staggered from calamity to calamity was kind of adorable and he’d always been incredibly fond of him. A bit too fond. And the way he teased and tormented Rimmer reminded him a bit too much of how school boys pull the pigtails of the girls they fancy.

He’d known it could never physically happen between them whilst Rimmer was Soft-Light but since Rimmer had become Hard-Light his mind was wandering all over the place. Now, it was perfectly possible for them to have sex.

But Lister didn’t think Rimmer could be gay, he just didn’t seem like he would be. There was something a bit… homophobic about him - unless he was just trying to hide his true nature. Plus, if he did say anything and Rimmer didn’t return his feelings then being trapped in this place together, without escape, would be a living hell for everyone. So he’d kept it secret.

And so Lister had settled for the next best thing. This blank and unthinking, fake and painfully unreal copy. True, it wasn’t the real thing, only pixels… but what pixels!

~~~~~

Rimmer crept as quietly as he could along the corridor. The sound of Lister getting out of bed had woken him and the thought of where he might be going left him aroused and wide awake. Of course, he might just be going to get a midnight snack or to the toilet but Rimmer knew all about Lister’s late night visits to the AR machine and if that was where he was heading then he wanted to go there too.

He peered around the doorway and noticed Lister flipping down the AR visor, the groinal attachment was already securely held in place. Twinkling orange lights lit up across the visors screen as Lister entered the game.

Rimmer dashed quickly into the room and hid behind a pillar covered in wires and machinery. He was already hard at the thought of what he was about to see and a small, rare smile grew on his face as he saw Lister begin to rock his hips. He wanted to go over there and press his body tightly against him but the thought of Lister exiting the game to find him doing that made him feel sick. So instead he pressed his body firmly against the pillar, never taking his eyes off the man vigorously dry humping the air.

~~~~~

Lister ran his hand down Rimmer’s warm chest until his hand came down to his erect member and he held it in his hand, gently squeezing and pumping it. His other hand curved around Rimmers smooth ass and slowly he slipped his fingers inside the other man.

“Ooh! That feels soooo good! Harder, Lister, harder!” Rimmer coed under him.

Lister could not imagine Rimmer ever saying Ooh! Like that, or coming up with the corny, embarrassing lines that this man did. This computer sprite smiled way to much and constantly wiggled his eyebrows impishly. He also giggled all the time, presumably sexily, but Lister thought it just sounded like a deranged schoolgirl - the real Rimmer would rather die again than ever do that. It was embarrassing. This man had none of Rimmer’s personality at all, just some pre-set idiocy that had been written into the game.

“Make loooove to me Lister! I want to feel you inside me, we are but two parts of the same whole-”

Lister forced his hand over the Rimmer look-alikes mouth to shut him up before he started rambling again about how Lister’s eyes were reminiscent of two glittering lakes lit by moonlight and their souls were but one.

He looked down at Rimmer’s face staring up at him and concentrated on the feeling of Rimmer’s cock in his hand. Pretended it was his Rimmer writhing underneath him. He removed his hand from Rimmer’s mouth, stared at him for a moment, then kissed him. They both let out gasps as he pushed his cock deep into Rimmer and pushed against him desperately.

~~~~~

Rimmer’s mouth was wide open and his hand was gripping the metal covering the pillar so tightly that his knuckles were turning white. He pressed his cheek against the cool metal panel of the machinery, and stared around the edge of the narrow pillar at Lister, who was making delicious gasping sounds.

Pangs of guilt spread through him but he couldn’t resist watching and found himself rocking his hips against the pillar and whimpering quietly. Wonderful heat spread across his skin and his hot member pressed hard against his constricting clothes.

He pushed aside his feelings of guilt and allowed himself to enjoy the intense sensations washing over him. He rubbed his hand against his stomach, gently caressing the skin. He wanted to put his hands down his pants and masturbate himself. He had never done this whilst watching Lister before, being too scared that Lister would take of his Visor and see him, or that someone else would walk in. At least he could quickly hide at the moment. The first few times he’d done this he’d been too scared to stay till the end and had even missed Lister’s climax. He’d gone back to bed and masturbated furiously before Lister went back to bed, which was usually in quite a while as Lister always showered after his nightly excursions.

His arousal was too desperate for attention this night and his hand found its way into his trousers and under his boxers. His fear of doing this out in the open dissolved away under the sensation of his hand against his cock and he moaned in pleasure.

He tried not to think about whatever pixelated woman Lister was no doubt screwing right now and pretended there was just the two of them, together. He felt closer to him than he ever had before, knowing that both of them were currently experiencing the same intense pleasure.

Rimmer tried to quieten his own heavy breathing and listened intently to the sounds Lister was making. The gasps for breath, the whimpers and throaty moans - it all spurred Rimmer on. He braced his free hand on the sturdy pillar as his other hand quickened its movements and tightened its grip on his hot flesh. His breathing became ragged and uneven as he felt himself getting close to the edge and he stared across at Lister with intense longing as he came violently into his hand.

He leant against the wall behind him for a moment, trying to catch his breath, while continuing to watch Lister. Feelings of guilt and shame were beginning to creep back over him and he turned away and tucked himself back into his pants. But no amount of remorse could stop him from looking back over at Lister right now, whose breathing had become heavier and his bucking more erratic and frantic. Lister began crying out, desperation evident in his faltering voice, words muddled and almost indistinguishable in-between sharp intakes of air, “Smeg. Oh God, ah… Rimmer!”

Rimmer froze, his eyes widened and his nostrils flared in panic. His first thought was - had Lister seen him? Did he know he was here watching? He would have ducked down and hidden behind the machinery had he not been frozen to the spot.
“Rimmer!” Lister called out again, voice full of urgency and need. “Rimmahh” he half moaned.

Okay, not even Rimmer could deny that sounded a bit sexual. Maybe he hadn’t noticed him watching after all, he certainly wasn’t looking at him, so perhaps he was shouting out his name because… he was having sex with him… well, pretending too.

Some part of Rimmer found this hard to believe, probably the part of him that hated himself and believed no-one could ever love him. But he felt hope growing stronger and great excitement begin to well up inside him.

Maybe Lister loves me! He thought. Or at least wants to have sex with me, which is practically just as good.

Suddenly he heard a sound near the door, and Rimmer flailed backwards and almost tripped over a cable.

Cat came spinning dramatically through the doorway, shrieking and wailing with style like only the Cat can. He entirely failed to notice Lister who was currently kneeling on the floor panting quietly, still wearing his visor. but saw Rimmer who was attempting to look nonchalant and innocent. “Hey bud!” The cat cried with his usual perpetual joy and excitement.

Rimmer stared at him. He’d almost forgotten that the Cat rarely slept for more than a few hours at a time and preferred to take constant power naps. Or cat naps if you will.
Rimmer couldn’t really handle the Cat’s enthusiasm for life right now, so he gave him what he hoped was a withering look rather than a guilty one, and walked past him out the door. Once he was out of earshot he began to run. Not sure where he was going, just away from there.

~~~~~

Lister removed the visor and was shocked to see the Cat near the door holding a hand mirror and combing his hair. Oh god, how long had he been stood there? Lister worried that he had got a bit vocal towards the end there.

“Hey Monkey!” Only the cat could say that without it being entirely intended as an insult.

“Cat, how long have you been in here?” Lister asked worriedly, although he doubted the Cat had heard anything - if he had he would surely have mentioned it by now or at least look a bit awkward.

“Only a few minutes. Just before that Smeghead left.”

“Smeghead?” That could only mean Rimmer. The panic rose up again. “Rimmer was in here?”

“Yeah, he seemed sulky about something. Stormed off down the corridor without a word.” The cat replaced his comb and mirror into an inside pocket then turned to leave, “I gotta get some food, not eaten in half an hour.”

Panic filled Lister. Rimmer had been here, and Lister could swear he‘d shouted out his name when he came. This was a disaster, what was he going to do? “Wait! Cat!”

But the Cat wasn’t listening, entirely distracted by the thought of fish followed by another nap, he was in Heaven. He vanished off down the corridor, shrieking with glee all the while.

Lister felt dizzy, he leaned against the wall for a moment. How much had Rimmer seen and heard? So long as he hadn’t heard him shout out his name then everything would be fine. It wasn’t like Rimmer hadn’t seen him using the machine for sex before. So long as he just thought he’d been shagging some woman everything would be fine. He just had to find out how much he knew.

~~~~~

Rimmer had hidden in the engine room, sat in a corner next to a machine that kept clanking noisily but was a welcome distraction.

Self doubt had gripped him yet again. Who was he kidding, Lister didn’t even like him, let alone want to have sex with him. What he’d just witnessed had to be some kind of sick joke. After all, Lister was always teasing him, why should now be any different? Maybe he had found out that he’d been following him to the AR machine and had decided to play along in order to mock and laugh at him later. Maybe Cat was in on the joke as well. Maybe they all were, Holly and Kryten too. He felt a cold sweat sweep over him at the thought. They were all laughing at him. He’d tried so hard to keep this secret to himself and now they must all know that he’s gay - for Lister! He’d never hear the end of it.

Rimmer put his face in his hands as bitter anger, directed mostly at himself, rose up inside him. Tears formed in the corners of him eyes. Here he was, a fully grown man crying. A gay man crying. Oh, they’ll all have a big laugh about this later.

Suddenly he heard footsteps, making him jump and he tried to move as far back against the wall as possible as though that might hide him.

Please don’t be Lister, please don’t be Lister, he repeated constantly to himself.

“Rimmer?” A decidedly Lister like voice echoed above the din of machines. “Rimmer, Where are you?”

Smeg! He was looking for him! Rimmer wiped the tears from his eyes and tried to calm himself down, he couldn’t let him know he was upset. Self-preservation kicked in. He’d try to shrug the thing off, deny it all, try and make Lister look like the fool instead. It was Lister that had been saying his name after all, maybe Rimmer could turn the joke back onto him.

But as soon as he saw him he felt something tighten in his stomach and an odd twinge in his chest as the dread and misery built back up inside him. God, he wanted Lister to love him back so much. It hurt to think that he would just laugh at these feelings.

Lister still hadn’t spotted him yet, he was staggering about with a lager in one hand and a six pack in the other. Finding it increasingly difficult to locate Rimmer, he had decided to get a drink to steady his nerves. Despite the amount of alcohol he usually consumed he could still feel that he was getting a bit tipsy. He took a last swig and then threw the empty can angrily to the ground.

He called out Rimmer’s name again in exasperation and peered around the edge of a machine and parted cables with his hands hoping to find the hologram there but with no success. He ripped another can free from the plastic and took a long gulp before proceeding with his search, shouting Rimmer‘s name all the while.

Rimmer wished Lister would stop shouting his name, it was embarrassing - it reminded him so much of the incident in the AR room. He felt his cheeks redden slightly at the memory.

All of a sudden Lister appeared in front of him, Rimmer made a startled sound and Lister’s eyes widened at the realisation that he’d finally found him.

“Wait a minute!” Lister exclaimed. Rimmer had the distinct look of someone who was going to run. He‘d stood up and was looking decidedly nervous and shifty. Lister placed his alcohol down on top of a machine while he tried to decide what to say, ‘Right…” Lister continued then stopped. How was he supposed to phrase this? Innocently ask if Rimmer had noticed him having cyber-sex and call out his name upon ejaculation? How was he supposed to tactfully ask this?

Rimmer attempted to summon up all the bravery he had, which unluckily wasn’t a lot, but non-the-less he tried to sound in charge, “Listen, me laddo-” Rimmer shouted furiously, but still with a slight waver of nerves in his voice, “I don’t know what you’re playing at-”

And then he realised he wasn’t entirely sure what Lister was playing at. What was he trying to achieve by that display in the AR machine? Get him to confess his never dying love then throw it back in his face? That had to be it! Ah yes, you can’t get anything past Rimmer! He was admitting nothing! The joke was going to be on Lister!

“I’ve had about as much of this as I can take, I don’t know what you were up to in that game of yours, and I don’t much care, but I want absolutely nothing to do with it. And why you felt the necessity to shout out my name like that I don’t even want to know!”

Ha! He was the master of bluffing. Lister’s cruel joke was going to backfire onto Lister himself. Rimmer was going to get out of this without anyone being any the wiser. Look, Lister didn’t even know what to say! He had outsmarted him entirely!

Lister felt like he‘d been repeatedly punched in the stomach. Rimmer had heard him. He knew everything. He’d thought he might have, but there had been that glimmer of hope that maybe he hadn’t, or that if he had, that Rimmer might have quite liked it. But that didn’t seem very likely from the disgust in Rimmer’s voice. Smeg. He knew.

“Shit” Lister said simply, “er…”

“Hah, you’re lost for words now!” Rimmer said triumphantly.

“Hey, man,” Lister said “it’s not funny, you know. And I’m sorry, okay. I didn’t know you were in there, I thought you were asleep. I’m really… smeg. Look, just don’t tell the others, okay? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean… don’t be angry with me. Can‘t we just forget it ever happened?”

This conversation wasn’t going how Rimmer had imagined. He’d expected Lister to try and back track, to wriggle out of it, to say he only did it as a joke to try and catch Rimmer out. To say that he thought Rimmer was the gay one, and that was why he did it. And instead… he was acting like it wasn’t a joke at all, like it was all real.

Rimmer didn’t know what to say. Was he still trying to trick him into confessing? But Lister had come down here looking for him, how would he have known that he’d been watching unless he’d planned it as part of a sick joke? Or… had cat had told him he‘d been in there?

Lister rubbed his forehead nervously, taking long deep breaths. When he spoke again he sounded like he was trying not to cry, which sent a wave of concern running through Rimmer. Lister sighed. “I’m sorry, man, I didn’t mean for you to find out like that. I didn’t mean for you to find out at all to be honest,” he gave a short nervous laugh and looked uneasily at Rimmer, “You’re really pissed off, aren’t you?”

Rimmer’s brows were knotted together in utter confusion. Was he telling the truth? Because if he was… well, that would be quite lovely, really, wouldn’t it. Rimmer felt a warm glimmer of hope building up deep inside.

Lister took a deep and shaky breath. “I understand that you don’t want to talk about it so I’m just gonna go, okay. Just know I really am sorry, and… yeah.” With that he turned to leave.

Rimmer panicked for a moment, he wanted to tell him not to go, without it sounding too gay, well, just in case. It might still be a trick after all. Well, it could be!

He didn’t know what else to do, so he reached out and grabbed Lister’s arm. Lister flinched as though he thought Rimmer had reached out in order to hit him. He looked down at Rimmer’s hand on his arm in confusion then looked up at Rimmer’s face. They stared at each other for a moment, both becoming increasingly aware that Rimmer’s hand wasn’t letting go and that he was Hard-Light. It was so new and wonderfully strange being able to touch each other.

Rimmer savoured the warmth under his fingers, revelling in the shifting of the material and the way Lister’s muscles tightened underneath him. It felt wonderful being able to touch someone else, especially Lister.

They continued to stand there together, playing a waiting game, neither wanting to be the first one to make a move. Neither entirely sure what the other man was thinking.

“Rimmer?” Lister whispered, fear and hope mingled together.

“Don’t go just yet, okay.” Rimmer muttered, not knowing what to do, staring at his hand which seemed unwilling to let go of its prize. He could feel his cheeks going red and he knew Lister must have noticed which made them go even redder. He pulled Lister’s arm closer towards him, which naturally brought the rest of Lister stumbling with it. They were as close to each other as they could be without actually touching.

Lister stared at Rimmer, he didn’t seem angry anymore, he just seemed nervous and he was blushing. Rimmer was actually blushing. Lister made a split second decision, leaned in and kissed him. He felt Rimmer tense, his grip tightened on Lister’s arm and then he finally relaxed and kissed back. Lister felt a rush of joy as the kiss deepened and Lister’s hand snuck behind Rimmer’s head, fingers running through his short curly hair.

Lister pressed Rimmer hard against the wall, the sudden full body contact making them both grunt as their arousals pressed against each other through the fabric of their clothes. Rimmer’s hand let go of Lister’s arm and snaked around to the small of his back, pulling Lister’s body against him even tighter. They groaned as Lister began to rock his hips. Their lips parted and they both gasped for breath as their hips moved more fiercely against one another. Lister pushed up Rimmer’s clothes to expose his torso and then quickly did the same to himself and revelled in the feeling of their naked torso‘s pressed firmly together, the sensation of skin on skin made him gasp. He pushed up and down against him, their warm skin rubbing together deliciously sending spasms of burning desire rushing through them both.

Need boiled up inside Lister, his body demanded more skin contact, he needed to feel Rimmer’s cock against his own. Lister’s hands hooked in the top of Rimmer’s trousers. Rimmer gave a sharp intake of breath, and then began to breath even more heavily. Lister looked up into Rimmer’s eyes and saw wide eyes filled with fear and lust.

“It’s okay,” Lister said, panting for breath, “ The others wont come down here, the cat’s sleeping and Kryten’s folding laundry. We’re alone.”

“I- I’ve never done this before,” Rimmer whispered nervously, then quickly added, “with a man.”

“Me neither,” Lister replied, knowing that Rimmer barely had any experiences with woman, let alone men. “If you don’t want-”

“I do, I want you Lister.”

Their lips met again as Lister tugged Rimmer’s trousers open. One hand slipped under the white boxers, sending Rimmer into a frenzy of desperate whimpers as he involuntarily bucked against Lister’s hand. Lister’s other hand worked on pulling the annoying trousers and underwear down Rimmer’s legs.

Rimmer’s hand found Lister’s belt and frantically set about pulling away all the constricting layers of clothing. Lister gasped as he felt Rimmer’s hands squeezing and stroking him and soon both arousals were pressed hard against each other. Lister rested his head on Rimmer’s shoulder, as they both clung desperately to each other, grinding against each other.

Rimmer cried out, he tried to silence himself by pressing his lips against Lister’s neck, but still moans and whimpers escaped as he came violently. The sounds, so close to Lister’s ear, spurred him on and he came only a few moments afterwards.
They stayed against the wall for a little while afterwards, still clinging to each other and trying to catch their breath. Eventually Lister pulled away, flashed a slightly embarrassed but happy smile at Rimmer then sat down on the floor, a bit worn out after these excursions. Rimmer sat down next to him.

Together, wedged against the wall between machines and cables with their arms wrapped around each other, they talked together until Lister fell asleep, his head resting on Rimmer’s shoulder.

This was a million times better than the AR machine any day.