History

Simon stood in Kaylee's bunk, open mouthed in complete, disbelieving shock, staring at the capture in his hands.

He could not believe at all what he was seeing with his own eyes, what unfolded on that screen was like his worst nightmare come true. His beloved Kaylee lay on her bunk.

Naked. Blindfolded. Tied.

He'd gone in there ostensibly to leave a poem he'd written for her and just finished, too proud of the accomplishment to wait. Being a man of not many words, at least when it came to women, he'd been truly happy that the poem worked at all. The rhyme had been right, the meter flowed. He was going to leave it on her pillow when his shoe struck something. Looking down, he'd seen the corner of the capture, realized it wasn't something one normally left on the floor. They could break easily. He bent over and picked it up. It switched on automatically.

That had been a few moments ago, he still held it in his hands, the poem slightly crumpled underneath it, his mind reeling.

Then, adding to his rapidly escalating dread, Jayne's voice sounded off-screen. "Wish I had a capture." he said, chuckling.

"Don't you dare!" came Kaylee's panic-stricken voice. She looked about wildly in vain; Simon guessed she could see nothing. He fought back a wave of revulsion at what appeared to be Jayne brutalizing her for some unknown reason, but still could not turn away. He wouldn't have though it possible in a millennium, and yet there it was playing out before his eyes.

~Please, Merciful Buddha~ he prayed silently, ~Let this be a nightmare~ Simon closed his eyes, hoping to wake from this. He opened them again, and what happened next made him pale in shock.

Jayne's naked form climbed on the bunk, then ~Buddha, no~ up to Kaylee, and then proceeded to treat her like a whore on Santo.
And even worse, he realized, was hearing her begging him to do it.

The kinds of things they were saying to each other were beyond Simon's wildest imagining, his limited experience not prepared for this kind of behavior. The sounds reverberated in his ears over and over so badly he began to shake, thought for a moment he might lose his grip. He felt a brief stab of guilt over watching this, empathy in his senses as he saw Jayne raise a knife to her.

~That, that animal~ he thought, outraged. ~ He’s forcing her to do this ~ it was the only explanation that made sense. He wanted to grab the nearest weapon and run to the mercenary right then, end his miserable life for what he did to her. A single tear ran down his face as he saw his beloved used.
In that moment, he heard her voice again, from the capture.

Overcome with her desire, he heard it. "Please, god please, fuck your-" and he shook so badly this time he dropped the capture. It clattered to the floor, stopped on that image.

Jayne's crudity he came to expect, the entire crew accepted it as common, if not wanted, knowledge.
Kaylee however, even in there most heated moments, usually spoke Chinese, if she spoke at all.
But hearing this in English, out of her.?

Too much. Far, far, too much.

The real problem was, he didn't know what to do about this. He wanted to throttle the one responsible, but Jayne would overpower him in a heartbeat. He also didn't know when this had taken place, did not know the context. What he did know intrinsically was that he had no business looking at it, the capture was obviously private. But then if so, why leave it out in the open like that? Too many questions circled in his mind, foremost was how long had this been going on, right under his nose? The sickening realization was that if it was a long term thing for them, there was nothing he could do about it. The damage was done.

But he was hurt, angry, and felt betrayed, all the same.

Then, from behind him, he heard boot steps come down the ladder, turned to see his love descending.

"Hey sweetie," Kaylee cooed, surprised to see him down there alone. "Watcha doin'?" she dusted her hands off on her coveralls and walked up to her beau, slipped her arms around his waist and prepped for a kiss.
Thunk. Her boot hit the capture. Looking down in confusion, she saw the image still on the screen. Kaylee's eyes went wide as she picked it up, mouth opened in nearly the same shocked expression Simon had when he first saw it. Picking it up, it switched on again, and she went pale, then paler still after seeing the expression on Simon's face. She muted the screen.

"Wh-where," she began quietly, "did you get this?"

"It," Simon began coldly, his tone angry, "Was under your bunk, Kaylee. I came in here to give you this-" he held up the now-meaningless poem he'd written. "To put it on your pillow. My shoe hit it." He was angry but also ashamed, for his eavesdropping, and more importantly for what he'd seen. He spoke again, and his voice was thicker with raw emotion.

"Why?" he asked plainly, dreading the answer before the question was even out. "Wait, no. Why is not as important as when. That's more important."

Kaylee stared down at the replay of history, at a time when not love, but the staving off of boredom in the black had made her do things. Not proudest moments, surely, but in the end honest ones.
~He lied~ the realization hit her like thunder, ~Jayne lied to me~
A tear fell from each of her large green eyes. She held the capture as if it were contagious, dropped it on the bunk. It shut off.

"I thought he was foolin'." she said quietly. "Damn you, Jayne." Her tears flowed freely, and she looked up again at Simon, remorse written on her features.

"Simon, this was so very, very long ago. When I first got on board. And it was only once." She explained, hoped he would understand.

"Once?" he retorted, incredulous. Kaylee flinched. "This was once? Even I know people don't start sharing bunks this way, Kaylee-"

"I didn't even know you then, you weren't on the ship." She protested. "Honestly."

Simon let out a brief, all too brief, sigh of relief. It would at least explain Jayne's occasional jabs at her when they were courting. But- "I can't believe this was only once, Kaylee."

"It was only once we did that, yeah." She sniffed, becoming a tad defensive. "We..spent time together before that, though. You didn't have any claim on me then, Simon-"

"I could understand that, but this?" he asked. "I came in here to leave a poem, and I’m educated instead on the finer aspects of bunkmate bondage." He became sarcastic, feeling defensive himself. "Why actually is important. Why would you let him that..ape..do that to you?"

Kaylee's defensiveness turned to indignation. He had no right to become judgmental when he didn't know her then. " I was bored, lonely, Wash is married, and Cap'n got bit by the Inara bug." she said to him, eyes narrowing. "And maybe 'cause he's good at it!" The last remark was blurted out, to shock Simon, only it wound up shocking her as well. She looked away.

"Kaylee.." Simon looked down, aghast at her candor. He should not have been surprised, knew she was always forthright about these subjects. But it went too far this time. He felt as if he'd gone from betrayed to intruding in a nanosecond. "I think, well, I'd better leave." he said this quietly, his previously accusatory tone now replaced with sadness.

"Oh, honey, wait." Kaylee reached out to him, trying to connect with him in some fashion. As if some touch, a hug, anything, would make this all go away. Simon meant everything to her. "Please, it was all a mistake. Talk to me." She implored, voice low but insistent.

"I..can't, Kaylee. " Simon replied, moving away from her. "I..I can't fathom all this. I need to think."
He laid the poem down on the bunk, went to the ladder, and climbed. Once on the foredeck, he stood there a moment, and heard Kaylee begin to cry in choked, quiet sobs. He was unsure what to do. He didn't know how it had gone so wrong. ~I'm the wronged one, here~ he thought. ~Aren't I?~

Confused, head in one hand, he headed to his room, needing solitude to think.

Kaylee finished her tears, wiped her face, and was sure of one very important thing.
She needed to choke the living gose out of a certain mercenary. Fast.
As painfully as possible. She picked up the capture and as she wiped her eyes one final time, her anger at Jayne's apparent sabotage of her relationship building into a fury. She'd never been this angry before, and he was going to know just how angry that could be. Checking his bunk first and finding it empty, she checked the galley and common room next, finally finding in the exercise area. He was bench pressing, shirtless, grunting with effort as he pushed the enormous weight up and down from his chest. Kaylee walked up to him, a scowl deep on her face. She could hear his breathing and swearing.

"Thirteen." Grunt. "Fourteen." Another grunt. "Ruttin' fifteen." he set the bar on the rack. "Hey, Kaylee."
he said, wiping his face for a moment with a terry cloth. He ran the towel over his chest and arms for good measure.

"Jayne, you had best explain this, good and proper, right gorram now!" The mechanic demanded, practically shoving the capture into his face. He backed his head slightly to see it, but didn't even blink.

"Oh, that..finally." he said, looking at her with a bemused expression. "What?" he asked, curious. "I didn't get your best side?"

"Don't get funny with me, you huandan, and whatcha mean, finally?"

The merc let out a soft chuckle, knowingly. "I left that for ya two days later, with the rope, under your bunk. You didn't see the clue, didja?"

Kaylee sputtered. "W-what clue, what rope?"

"The clue on your door, gorramit. The one that said 'Capture' in Chinese?"

Kaylee though about it a moment, and remembered. "Jayne, you didn't write 'capture'. .you wrote 'colored wolf'." She stood there, still indignant. "And this ain't about you leavin' clues, you weren't supposed to capture that in the first place!"

Jayne wasn't even listening, sat back for a moment, reminiscing. "Yessir, that was one real int'restin' evenin'." he said half to himself, smiling at the memory. "Some surprise, huh?"

"Yeah, well, someone sure got a surprise, all right." Kaylee replied, tears starting afresh. "Simon.. he ..found it before me." she burst into a fit of sobs.

Jayne's face went from happy memory to utter confusion. "Wait a sec," he looked at her. "You didn't see it first?" He took the capture from her, stuck it in his pants pocket.

"I jus' said that!" Kaylee answered through a choke. Jayne looked at her, incredulous.

"That was over a year ago." he muttered, then realized what had happened. "He just saw it, how'd he take it?"

"Somethin' awful!" she exclaimed, wiping her face again. Jayne handed her a clean terry cloth. She took the proffered cloth, wiping her face and blowing her nose. "What am I gonna do?"

~Me and my funny ideas~ Jayne thought. "Don't worry, lil' girl." He put a hand on her shoulder, but she slapped it away. ~Gotta fix this, ya backbirth~ "Hell, I'll go explain it to prissy boy," he looked at her, trying to get the mechanic to smile. "and I'll, hell, I'll say I'm sorry. Ya know, 'pologize." he took a swig of water from a bottle.

Kaylee looked at him dubiously. "You, you, say you're sorry?" she asked in disbelief. "Never gonna happen."

"Aw shit, Kaylee." Jayne growled ~Things I ruttin' go an' do~ "everyone knows how ya feel 'bout him. It's.." he paused for a moment, searching for the right word. "Important to ya. He is, I mean." he looked at her plainly. "But I'm only sayin' it once." He took another swig, bit the bullet. "Was my fault anyway, even if he did see a joke weren't meant for him. Wasn't supposed to see it anyway."

"It's not a joke, Jayne, and you know it!" Kaylee berated him, knowing full well he was twice her size, for once she wasn't intimidated. "An' stop callin' him prissy. He's not prissy, he's neat." she paced the floor, her fear of losing Simon couldn't be dissuaded. "You gotta make this right!"

"Okay, already, don't get so damm riled." Jayne raised his hands. "I said I'd talk to him, gorramit."

"You better, right now."

"I'm goin', dong ma?" Jayne got up and pulled his shirt over his head, then moved past Kaylee, who punched him in the arm. He barely felt it. "Huandan." she muttered. "And do it nicely, like you mean it!"

"Ruttin' pigs," the mercenary remarked, becoming exasperated. "I said okay.." he took a few steps, stopped suddenly, and then turned back to Kaylee. "Ya know what," he asked rhetorically, " whole gorram thing was your idea..so you're comin' too!" He grabbed her by the wrist, dragging her along, and up they went to the passenger dorms.

Simon heard them before he actually saw them coming, got up and left his room to find Jayne dragging his love by the arm towards them. ~Still an animal~ he thought angrily, and letting his anger get the better of him, marched up to the two of them, pulling Jayne's hand off Kaylee.

"You degenerate son of a whore, let her go now!" Simon demanded.

"Gorram, Simon," Jayne drawled at him, amused. "If I didn't know better, I'd say you're mad at me." He looked meanly at the doctor. "Momma ain't a whore, though." he remarked, taking a step closer and getting in his face

Simon ignored the obvious threat, he didn't care if Jayne got angry. "You're damn right!" Simon retorted, anger and disgust filling him. "I saw that, that..display." he said his mind replayed the capture and sparked his anger. "You animal, you don't treat women like that!"

"Ya do if they ask ya." Jayne smugly folded his arms, waited for Simon's rant.

"Simon, there's a rea-" Kaylee began, trying to get between her ai ren and the irked gun hand.

"I don't want to hear it!" he answered her, moving her aside. Simon stared at Jayne, wanting, no, craving to hit him, just once. To smash that smug look off his face. ~Go on, just one hit~ Simon's anger-fuelled mind encouraged him, but he knew that while he might get one good punch in, the four or five from Jayne in return would end it fairly quickly. And as a doctor, his hands were vital. Mal might not be too happy if he broke his hands in something as trivial as a fistfight.

But it would be satisfying, that one punch. "I'd really like to-"

"What, Simon, beat me down?" Jayne challenged him, one fist clenching. He'd had enough of playing nice. "That wasn't my idea in the first place, core boy," he taunted Simon with a wolfish smile. "'twas Kaylee's."

Simon's mouth dropped in shock at the same time Kaylee's eyes lowered to the floor in embarrassment. "Aiya, Jayne, not..not good." she sighed quietly.

Simon turned astonished eyes on her. "Is that-"

"Yeah, it's true, Simon." she confirmed, her voice a low whisper. She looked up at the merc. "But you shouldn't have done what you did."

"I meant it as a joke between us," Jayne replied, anger rising . "Ya know, ha ha?" Kaylee put a hand on his arm watching his fists, and the merc unclenched them, relaxing slightly.

"Jayne, please?" Kaylee said, softly. "You promised."

The gun hand took a deep breath to ease his tension. "She's powerful upset you saw that Simon, but, truth be told, weren't meant for ya."

Simon locked eyes with the mercenary, searching for a lie in them. He didn't find any, this time, but was still angry that he was so smug about it all in the first place. ~He doesn't care who he hurts~ the young doctor thought disgustedly. ~His only care is for himself~ "Joke?" he snorted, contempt in his voice. "I suppose what was on it was a joke to you as well?"

Jayne's grin went from wolfish to evil. ~Ruttin' fancy boy~ "No, Simon, that was sex, pure an' simple. Pretty gorram great sex at that. What's wrong, ain't done it enough yet to know the difference?" The mercenary's eyes glinted with malice. ~Give 'im both barrels, that's what he's askin' for~ "You weren't around at the time, ya know..didn't fit into the picture." The grin went wider. "Too bad now, though."

"Jayne, stop it, 'fore it get's outta hand-" Kaylee pleaded. This was going farther south by the minute. Mal's jobs were cakewalks by comparison. Violence was now almost a foregone conclusion.

~Huandan!~ Simon was beyond incensed. "I should have let River-" it flew out of his mouth before he could stop himself, but once out, there was no denying it.

Jayne's head snapped like a whip, he took a step forward, right into Simon's face. "What, coreboy, shoulda let 'er do what?" Both fists clenched. "Kill me?" He went from surly to downright mean. "Shoulda done what I was plannin' myself."

"No!" Kaylee got between the two of them, trying to quell the situation, but it was becoming hopeless.

Simon, for his part, stood his ground, refusing to back down. "Maybe, Jayne, maybe. But remember what I said once, about you being under my knife..you know," and then it was his turn to grin evilly, he was so angry, it didn't matter anymore. "A hand could slip sometimes..."

"Simon!" Kaylee was in complete shock, she would never have expected that from him. "You're a doctor!"

~That ruttin' tears it~ "Ya know, doc, was gonna apologize, but right now, ya ain't in a fit mood to accept it. An' I sure as hell ain't gonna give it. See ya, Kaylee." With that, the merc stomped off to his bunk. They watched him go, Simon with a look of contempt on his face, Kaylee's with concern. She rounded on Simon.

"Why'd you say that?" she asked, ~what in the name of Buddha makes men act like this?~ "You know how stubborn he is, now he'll never apologize."

"I don't care!" Simon practically exploded, still fuming. "He's an animal! It's like he's subhuman and doesn't care!" He looked to Kaylee, then turned away, hurt and confusion momentarily flashing on his features. "I just can't believe all of this." He stood there, numbed by it all.

Kaylee held a hand out to him, tentatively, and though it was only a foot it seemed like the distance between Shinon and here to her. "Simon, honey, I'm so very sorry, but it doesn't matter anymore. Please." She moved to hold him, wanted to take the hurt away from him instinctively, but he moved aside, not shrugging her off but still unable to accept what had happened. Her tears started again. "Please, believe me."

Simon stared at the floor. "I could almost accept this. But, why him. Mal I could see, he's at least civilized.." He looked at her for a brief second, then the ceiling, trying to absorb it all. "but what you let him do to you.." It didn't make sense to him.

Kaylee reached out a second time, and in this moment Simon didn't back away. She moved in to hug him, tightly to her, afraid this might be her last chance. Her next words were softer, spoken into his ear. "I was lonely, is all it was. We had a long haul, and there weren't nothing to do."

Simon held her back, wanting this all to be over. But- "And?" he asked, swallowing hard, not wanting to know, but needing to. "After that?" ~I have to know,~ he realized. ~How deep does this run?~

"It was just to..let off steam." She answered him, holding Simon still, trying to comfort the blow of her words with closeness. She realized he might not trust what she was saying. "It didn't mean anything, to either one of us, we knew that." She kissed his cheek. "And after I saw you, nothin' else mattered." She cried in his arms. "I"m sorry, Simon, more than you'll ever know."

Simon relented, knowing this was utter truth coming from her. He couldn't stand to see or hear her cry like that, realized she'd been through enough. ~History, is all this is,~ he thought with certainty. ~Let it go~ He had his own history as well, and realized that if Kaylee knew about it as well, she might not care for the knowledge. He looked into her face, wiped the tears away gently, a wan smile breaking at the corners of his mouth.

"It's in the past, and I..overreacted." Simon said, a single slight sigh escaping him, but nothing more. "It's over, that's what was most important to me." He closed his eyes, touched his forehead to hers. "I better go talk to him, try and make peace."

"I don't know, honey." she said with uncertainty. Her relationship with Simon apparently saved, and knowing Jayne's temper, she was afraid he might lose it and damage him. "He's like to be powerful mad with ya right now."
"I know," he answered her concern with a shrug, smiled. "But what I said was just as wrong as what he did." He let Kaylee go, walked towards the crew bunks.

Jayne lay on his bunk, staring at the ceiling. ~Not too long ago~ he thought with annoyance, ~this wouldn't even be an issue. I'd a had her all to myself~ He kicked his sheets in disgust. ~Ruttin' fancy boy~ he grumbled inwardly, ~with his clothes and manners~. But he knew deep down it was pointless, Kaylee loved him, was in love with him. All he'd ever had with her was a few intensely heated moments.

Truth was, Jayne had lost out like this before. Back home, boys like Simon, with their slick hair and finer threads regularly won out over his type, more ragged, less refined. In his youth he'd been smitten with any number of girls in town, but his rough nature and poor clothing caused more than his fair share of derision from the belles whenever he went to court them.
~At least with Kaylee~ he mused,somewhat wistful, ~things might'a been diff'rent.~ She was, after all, a small-town girl herself, and therefore most like him.

Minus the cussin' and rude behavior, of course.

Now, that too was gone, lost to another city boy. He sighed with frustration, but then had to admit, if he were in Simon's shoes and Kaylee was his girl, he'd have been all manner of riled about it. And Jayne Cobb riled was not something people normally wanted to see.

A tenative knock came to the roof. "Jayne?" Simon called down. "Can I come in?"

~Prob'ly wants to ruttin' gloat~ the merc, irritated, supposed. "Just sharpenin' my knives, Simon," he answered with a hint of malice, "Whatcha want?"

"We need to talk about this..and Kaylee." Simon clarified. "And about what I said earlier."

Jayne's ears pricked up hearing her name. He sat up, knowing full well the doc wouldn't be put off until he had his say. "C'mon down."

Simon climbed down, and looked around Jayne's walls. An eyebrow shot up. ~It's like an advert for sex and mayhem.~ he thought, taking in the collage of guns, knives and girls all at once. "That's.." he began, not knowing what to say, really. "quite a collection."

"Yeah, well I'm sure as shit ya ain't here for the tour, doc," Jayne snapped, not amused at all with Simon's obvious distaste. "What's on yer mind?"

Simon tried to get past Jayne's crudity, but even after all this time it was still difficult. "Well, I came to say I was..sorry, for what I said. I was angry." He was uneasy, having to apologize for his own behavior was new to him. "Kaylee and I talked about it, and well, I understand now that all of this was a long time ago." He put a hand to his neck, rubbed it absently. "I was just upset, I'd never thought-"

Jayne interrupted. "Yeah, well that's your problem, Simon. Think you know 'fore you ask." He waved the doctor away dismissively. "Apology accepted, Simon, you can go now."

The elder Tam stared at him. "You..don't have anything to say?"

" 'Siderin' I didn't do nothin' wrong, no." The gunhand sat there, folded his arms impassively across his chest, stared back at him. Simon began to get irritated again.

"What about the capture in the first place?" The doctor asked, "You shouldn't have done that."

"Owe that to Kaylee more'n you." Jayne replied evenly. He pulled the capture from his pocket, held it in his hands. "But since you're down here-" and saying that, he snapped the capture cleanly in half in one effortless, savage motion, the images forever destroyed. "you can tell her for me."

Handing Simon back the now useless capture, Jayne laid back down, closed his eyes. "Go on now, coreboy, got nothin' more to say on it."

Simon took the insult in stride, like he always had. Looking down at the capture, a realization, one that was deeper than he was comfortable with, dawned on him. "You..really cared. About her, I mean." It surprised him he could get it out. But he knew it for the truth it was.

Jayne's eyes opened long enough for him to roll them in derision. He snorted, turning his back on Simon. "Don't know what'cha mean, doc. She was givin' and I was gettin', is all." He fluffed his pillow, glanced over his shoulder at the younger man. "You mind, Simon? I'm a mite tuckered out, after all this brouhaha."

Simon Tam smiled, knew the answer anyway, no matter what the merc said. "Get some rest. Captain's going to be needing you for that job tomorrow."

"Yup. Night." the merc replied testily.

Pocketing the capture, Simon began his way back up the stairs. "Oh, and doc?" the gun hand called out to him, over his shoulder.

"Yes, Jayne?"

"Me makin' her cry, well, nothin' new there." Jayne began. "But you make her cry, I'll have ya weepin' like a baby, no matter what moonbrain does. Dong ma?"

Simon smiled a little brighter, understanding him perfectly. "I'll try my best not to, Jayne."

"See to that." Jayne replied.

"Don't worry, I will." With that, Simon climbed the ladder.


End-