WHAMMY

WARNING: SLASH M/M Coupling, Fandom Crossover, Humor, ridiculousness abounds.

Summary: Highlander -x- Charmed, what if the charmed ones interfered in the Game by changing one player –Macleod gets whammy’d. How will they fix what they broke?

Pairing: Methos/Duncan
Title: Whammy
Author: Mizukiruhoh aka Jazzy
Rating: PG

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WHAMMY

Mac looked at the sword and broke out into a cold sweat. He was terrified of it. Methos scowled, growling. “Pick it up.”

The Charmed Ones did it.

“No I can’t.”

“Why not?” demanded Methos getting seriously annoyed. The highlander’s survival was at stake.

“I don’t know, I’m afraid.”

“But, its your own sword.”

“I know, and its scary. I could hurt myself or do someone else some bodily harm.”

Methos’s frown deepened. “That’s the whole bloody point of it!” he screamed, temper frayed and past keeping reigned in.

“Who did this to you Macleod? Think back to yesterday, what did you do? Who did you run in to? Was it Cassandra?”

“No, no one, well these three brunettes but they weren’t Immortal, oh and they had a baby or two with them.”

Methos rolled his eyes. “Describe them some more. Who exactly were they? What were their names?”

“Hallywell, I think.”

They’re a myth! Why would they whammy Macleod?

“I’m not really sure. Let me think, there was oh yes, Phoebe, and baby Wyatt, oh and uhm, let me see uh, Pi- Piper, yes, that was her name, the mother’s name, Piper and one other name, Prudence? Pru, Penelope… uhm..hmmm, well her name escapes me.”

“Do you know where they live?”

“Not really. No they arrived for a tour of Europe.”

Methos scowled. “Americans?”

“Ye-es. Definitely.” MacLeod smiled, sweetly, very happy to answer Methos’ questions. Even if it was a bit nerve racking to do so and his memories were playing hard to get.

Methos then made some phone calls and a web search. He was not happy with what he’d found out. Officer Dorian was helpful even if he sounded almost like a nervous wreck. At first not admitting that the Hallywells existed then hissing “this line is not secure.” And then finally an admittance of knowledge and an address.

Methos was not pleased as he dragged a reluctant Highlander across two continents.

“Maybe we should make them a Casserole or something after all we are essentially barging in on them and…”

Methos’ glare shushed him up at least on the casserole idea.

“They’re very nice people Adam, really.” Insisted MacLeod anxiously. “At first Phoebe flirted with me but then I showed her your picture and she was very happy for me, well after she muttered something along the lines of “I should have known, all the good ones are either taken or gay or are taken and gay” Oh, and she said you were very handsome and I was very lucky. And Piper let me hold Wyatt.”

“Yes, so you’ve told me before and I’m sure they are and this is some huge misunderstanding.” On their part! The baby gambit, how low can a group of women get. MacLeod takes one look at a baby and its right there for all and sundry to see. He wants one so bad he could just combust right on the spot. the fact that we’ve been denied twice is a painful blow to Mac. They dangle the baby in front of him, bait, and then whammy him.

“If they’re really witches and they’ve put a hex on me, shouldn’t we try to stay on their good side?” asked Mac, even more anxiously, sweat broke out on his brow, Highlander superstitions coming to the forefront.

Methos scowled. “None sense! There’s no such thing as Magic. You know that Duncan.”

Duncan Macleod bowed his head. “What about Cassandra? What about Connor and the Mountain Sorcerer? What about the Millennial demon?”

Methos frowned harder. Magic was scary it was best to ignore it and live your life as far away from it as possible, deny it even exists, its healthier for a person, Immortal and Mortal alike, than acknowledging that Magic existed.

They finally arrived in San Francisco, Duncan won out on the edible gift thing. They headed to an expensive and very well praised bakery.

Methos’ mood blackened, scathingly he muttered, “Appease the witches then tell them off, yes, that’s the ticket, brilliant idea.” he thought sardonically.

MacLeod ignored him. Mac cranked up the charm and soon he had a large chocolate bunt cake in hand. It was a simple confection drizzled in chocolate streamlets. The middle had a light cream filling and it would be heavenly to eat. The witches didn’t deserve such a cake. They had whammied MacLeod and put his very survival in jeopardy and by putting Mac in danger they had also put Methos in danger and that was an offense he would not forgive, not lightly anyway.

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The door opened and MacLeod stooped low to address the youngster who had opened the door. “Hello Wyatt, is your Mum and Aunties about?”

The child smiled at Mac and nodded letting them in. Behind him was a frazzled Piper and Phoebe.

“Oh Duncan, what brings you to San Fran?” askd Piper

“And how did you find us?” Said Phoebe, placating. “Not that that’s a bad thing.”

Methos glared at the women pretending innocence. Had they no shame?

MacLeod offered the cake like a magician pulling a rabbit out of his hat. MacLeod’s best smile pasted on with cement. Mac liked the women and also his upbringing taught him, do not test a witch’s patience, cause her no slight and she will not curse you, if you’re lucky.

The women ooed and ahhed over the offering and let them enter further into the inner sanctum of the protected house.

Methos scowled. Shabby job. How did they keep actual evil out of their house? From the old marks of damage on the house Methos suspected they didn’t do a very good job of it.

“I think you know what brings us here, ladies. Let’s cut to the chase shall we?” Said Methos, expression neutral tone of voice carefully controlled, keeping the anger and irritation out of his voice. His own ancient protection against magic at full operation through the hand of his ancient pagan God and the contract between Immortals and the Supernatural world, not that the contract seemed to be held in any regard lately by the supernatural world.

Why wasn’t it being paid attention to? Why weren’t the gods marshalling their forces for another war? Oh, but that was the reason why. No one wanted another war. No one. Except right now Methos was feeling a little blood thirsty.

He almost wouldn’t mind another war if it would make Magic take notice once more of the contract it signed with Immortals. If it would teach the interfering charmed one a lesson or two. Duncan though knew the face and tone, he trembled.

“Adam.” Don’t do anything stupid. Not said out-loud but understood.

Methos scowled. “Don’t interfere Duncan.”

Duncan sighed, he wanted to protest but when Methos was in these kind of moods it was just best to keep one’s mouth shut maybe even take a short vacation for a day or two so that words were not spoken that couldn’t be taken back.

Words that could lead to blood letting and possible beheadings.

Methos was angry. Duncan should have noticed the signs. He felt almost in a fog lately. Why hadn’t he been able to see the signs. Bringing Methos here was a bad idea. Being here period was a mistake.

So he sat back down and let the activities begin. Voices rose in outrage as MacLeod simply sat back down and engaged young Wyatt and his baby brother in a round of tea and cake. Methos’s voice was an angry buzz of discontent.

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“You have no clue what you have done to him!” he roared. “Look at him! He is vulnerable, defenseless terrified of his own bloody sword! What part of IMMORTAL don’t you understand? You busy bodies have done the unforgivable!"

"You have interfered in an ancient right." Ranting still.

"Immortals pack swords not because they want to but because they HAVE to. We carry swords so we can defend ourselves from head hunters and players in the GAME. You’ve murdered him and you don’t even know it. You broke the ancient covenant." Scandalized.

"What, what can you possibly say to explain your actions and allow it to be forgiven?” demanded the ancient force that was Methos.

Methos was crackling with power. Duncan swayed and tried to stand. Duncan wanted that power and yet the part of him that was Duncan that loved Methos fought the pull of the power fought it as hard as he ever had and then some. He felt physically ill by his efforts.

“Methos.” He moaned as that power washed over him, caressed his own power and brought it to the air around his skin in a visible aura of blue lightning.

Duncan stood swayed and almost fell but magic directed by Piper froze him in place, froze everything in place except her sisters and her children and to her surprise Adam Pierson was not frozen. He looked more furious than ever.

“Unhand Duncan now.” Hissed the ancient one.

“What are you?” asked Phoebe.

Piper replied to his words. “No. I’m not going to let him fall down and break my coffee table. And yeah, what my sister asked you, what are you? Are you a demon?”

Methos’s eyes narrowed. “No, maybe, we are the sum of our actions ladies. Some would say I was once a demon others would say I have always been and will always be an Immortal no matter what name mortals give me. But no I am no Demon. I am however a High Priest and I do carry power, oh and your power cannot touch me, I am shielded from it. And the three of you are making me very angry.”

The third sister came in along with Piper’s husband.

“White Lighters.” Hissed Methos. “You have directed the charmed ones to neutralize Duncan. How dare you.”

Leo and the third sister shook their heads protesting.

“Then who the hell told you to whammy my S.O.?” demanded Methos. “Was it Cassandra? Do you know an Immortal named Cassandra? The Witch of Donan Wood. The Shaman of the dead tribes of the East.”

“No we don’t know anyone by those names.” Insisted Piper.

“Then who directed your actions, who told you to do what you did to MacLeod?”

The girls shared a look. “Phoebe had a vision that MacLeod would kill innocence so we neutralized him.”

Methos gaped. Flabbergasted. It wasn't often that Methos was lost for words. Being 5k years old with a sharp mind and gifted with an even sharper tongue didn't leave one bereft of words, hardly ever.

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Their explanation sounded good but being as old as Methos was fibs were easily spotted no matter how well the liar or how light the lie. Methos' eyes narrowed and the women blushed.

Leo sighed.

Methos eyes glared. “Mac would never do such a thing. He is all that is good and steadfast in this world." he defended. "He would never harm an innocent, not intentionally. He’s a “Good Guy”. YOU guys are lying, so spill it, I promise not to hack you up, that is as long as you, ya know, break the hex on my S.O.”

There was a lot of throat clearing, hemming and hawing and kicking of toes into wood and carpeted floors, there were blushes and stutterings and then every eye without fail landed on little Wyatt who was currently pigging out on the chocolate bundt cake. MacLeod was again in his seat on the couch perfectly still and keeping out of Ancient and Wiccan business.

“What? Why are you all looking at wee Wyatt that way?” he asked suddenly, feeling a nervous break down about to happen, his voice going low and Scottish accent coming out with his nervousness, like the sweat on his brow which he mopped up with the sleeve of his shirt. Everything was so intense.

“You’ve got to be joking!” roared Methos. Duncan winced and then decided to edge his way, tip toe tip toe out of the house, but several eyes nailed him to the floor.

“J-juice anyone?” he asked, squeaked really, forgetting for the moment he was not in his own home. It was always a good and polite tactic to offer upset people something to eat or else drink, if they maybe ate or drank something maybe their blood sugar would stabilize or maybe they would just take a breather to think on something that wouldn’t set them off to man slaughter.

“Sure.” Smiled Piper kindly, “In the kitchen on the second shelf.” She understood the tactic well, being a peacemaker in her own home most of her life growing up, being the middle sister and now the oldest sister.

MacLeod scampered quickly out of the room and out of Methos death glare range.

“Your child whammied Macleod! What, why? What did MacLeod ever do to your kid?” Methos demanded.

“Well, it was an accident.” Said Piper. “We’ve been trying to get Wyatt to release the whammy but then Phoebe had her premonition and then well, you guys showed up and well here we are.”

TBC
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reviews always appreciated. No flames please. Thank you.