Sunburn

“That was one nasty son of a bitch.”
“Tell me about it.” Sam answered, wiping the cut on his forehead with the back of his hand.

Dean grunted in acknowledgement and headed for the dock. It was a pretty little house by a lake. Cute if you’re into this kind of prefect little house with a perfect little family and the perfect little puppy stuff... No need to say that Dean hadn’t been enchanted with the idea, but it had ended up being a pretty good catch. Some vengeful spirit had been awakened by the deconstruction of the old house. And to top it all off, the new owners had used one beam of the old house in their new one. Something about remembering this country’s past and roots. Guess it had worked like a charm.

“Never thought I’d live to exorcise a post.” Dean said, sitting down on the dock.
“Yeah, me neither, he answered, joining him on the water, what are you doing?”
“Just resting for a minute.”
“We can’t squat here. We already broke into this house and messed up the place a bit with the whole exorcism thing. Don’t you think they’ll call the cops on us if they arrive while we are still here?”

Dean shot him a glance over his shoulder before turning his attention back to the water.

“They’re on a trip right now. Won’t be back for another week.”

Sam crooked an eyebrow.

“Oh yeah? How d’you know that?”

Dean sighed, holding his side as he got up.

“I checked before we came here Sammy. I’m not that reckless.”

He sighed too, but decided to shut up. Dean only took this very adult talking to a child like tone with him unless he was very tired or badly hurt. He would have asked him if he was okay, but he knew his brother would only shrug the question away and move on to another subject. This spirit had slammed him pretty hard against a wall. He’d left a mark in it and all. He’d take him to the hospital, either he wanted it or not, just to check if everything was alright, later on; when he would let his guard down. Dean didn’t seem to care about his own injuries. He was always checking if Sam was okay though and wouldn’t take no as an answer when it came to going to the hospital. After all, he was the one driving pretty much all the time. He had a feeling though that today, he’d be the one to drive. Dean still looked pretty dizzy. Sam sat down next to where he had been sitting and looked at the calm lake. He’d like to have a house somewhat like this one someday. Of course, he knew this was merely a fantasy. People like them couldn’t have a normal life. He knew that, even if he often reminded Dean that he would someday stop hunting.

“What are you doing?” he asked his brother as he started undressing.

Dean grinned at him, but Sam could see pain in his eyes.

“Going for a swim.” He answered, kicking off his shoes and dropping his pants.

Seconds later, before Sam even had the time to evaluate the extent of his injuries, he was in the water. Even if he seemed pretty relaxed and busy a looking at the lake, he none the less kept a sharp eye on his brother, just in case he’d choose this moment to lose consciousness. He didn’t want him drowning.

“What are you looking at?” Dean teased as he came back on the dock, shaking the water out of his hair as a dog would do.
“Nothing.” Sam answered in his best innocent tone of voice, turning his face towards the house.

His brother crouched in front of him.

“Look at me Sam.”

He grunted, but complied. Dean frowned a bit a grabbed his shirt, wetting the bottom
edge of it in the lake.

“Don’t move.” He said quietly, holding his chin with his free hand while wiping the dried blood off his forehead with the shirt.

Sam let him, knowing it would do no good to tell him he was fine. He’d want to check anyways.

“There, as good as new.” He said before dropping his shirt on the dock and lying down next to him, not even bothering with rinsing the blood out of it.

Sam turned his gaze towards him, wanting to thank him, but found him stretched out under the sun and apparently already asleep. He was relieved he had at least kept his boxers on for his swim.

“Wake me up before I burn okay Sammy?” he said softly, his voice heavy with sleep.
“Yeah.” He answered quietly, frowning as he saw the bruise already spreading on Dean’s flank and ribs.

Tears crept their way into his eyes. He’d only gotten that bruise because he’d throw himself in between Sam and that spirit. He always got hurt to protect him. This touched him, but saddened him even more. He didn’t want Dean to get badly injured for him. What would he do if he got himself killed once while protecting his ass?
They’d never actually talked about all of this. Dean always diverted the conversation or made a silly joke when he saw his brother was heading in that direction. He’d told him once that what he did didn’t need no explication. That was just the way that it was and would always be.

He got up and washed his blood out of his brother’s shirt before setting it to dry under the sun. When he turned his gaze back to Dean, he’d shifted to his side a little not to weight on his ribs. Sam looked at him for a little while, overwhelmed by just how much Dean cared about him, just how much he had always cared about him. He lied down next to him and then he closed his eyes, just for a minute.
..................................

Sam opened his eyes, squinting not to get sun in them. To his surprise, it had almost completely disappeared behind the mountains. Even more to his surprise, he found himself to be spooning with Dean, a long arm securely wrapped around his chest. His first reflex should have been to jump back in surprise and get up in a hurry, by that waking up his still sleeping brother, but it wasn’t. Now, he wouldn’t want that, would he...
He rather moved his arm very slowly, dislodging it from under Dean’s without disturbing his sleep. Once this was done, he slowly backed away from his body. He sat up on the dock, trembling, the dampness of Dean’s wet boxers having partly transferred to the front of his pants. He tried to compose himself before he touched his shoulder, smiling faintly as it was sleepy and sun warm.

“Dean.” He said, squeezing his shoulder gently.

He grunted as an answer and rolled on his back, wincing.

“You alright?”
“Yeah, fine, Sammy.” He answered, getting up slowly.
“I’ll drive, okay?” he asked, stretching.

Dean grunted as an answer, dismissing the question and started dressing. First his pants and shoes. Then he turned towards Sam to get his shirt that was drying next to him.

“Thanks.” He said, showing him the shirt.
“No prob-” he answered, his eyes going wide.
“What?” he asked, crooking an eyebrow.
Sam shook his head, stuttering.
“No-No-Nothing.” He finally managed to let out.

Dean pursed his lips, not knowing if he should insist or not. He decided not to.

“I’m driving.” He said in a tone that left no place for retort.

Sam nodded, his eyes still wide and succeeded on getting back on his feet. Dean smiled a bit and put his shirt back on before heading for the car.

“Let’s go Sammy.”

Sam swallowed loudly. Maybe he hadn’t woken up to find him spooning with him, but he’d definitely know he had. There was no denying it this time. He followed him half heartedly to the car, not saying a single word on the way back to the motel. He wasn’t exactly looking forward to the moment when Dean would see himself in the mirror.
.....................................

Dean insisted in Sam taking the first shower. He didn’t want to use all of the warm water before he got to wash. He’d warned him he’d be quite a while in the bathroom. Sam didn’t mind. He actually was grateful for the initiative, figuring he could try and be asleep by the time Dean came out of the bathroom. The thing was that he’d already slept during the afternoon and he wouldn’t be falling asleep anytime soon. He’d thought of faking to be asleep, but he knew it wouldn’t work. Dean could always tell if he really was sleeping or not. A big brother instinct he called it.

He was there in his reflections when the bathroom door opened. Dean came out, a towel around his head as he always did and another around his hips. His chest was an angry red, but not from the water. Rather from a sunburn.

“I told you to wake me up before I burned.” He teased, a grin on his lips before jumping in his own bed.

Then, he fell silent. Wasn’t he going to mention the fact there was a spot of the skin on his chest that hadn’t been burned? Wasn’t he going to mention that it had the shape of a hand? Wasn’t he going to mention it unmistakably had to be Sam’s due to its gigantic size?

“Dean?” he asked quietly, turning on his side to face his bed.

He didn’t answer, already fast asleep. Sam sighed, a part of him relieved, yet another one even more worried by the lack of mentioning of the mark. It hadn’t been the first time he’d woken up cuddling against Dean. It happened pretty much every time they ended up sharing a bed. Once, he remembered, it had even happened while they were in two separate ones. He’d somehow crawled into Dean’s during the night and ended up spooning with him.

Sam considered this to be a well guarded secret. Dean had never woken up before he did, or if he had, he’d never mentioned it. Still, he hoped he never had woken.
But the funny thing was, that even though it was wrong and actually quite disturbing to spend the night spooning with his brother, he’d noticed that these nights, he slept like a baby. No nightmares. No waking up every hour. The nights he spent with Dean were the only full nights of sleep he got. He would never admit it, but he liked feeling him so close. He’d noticed Dean was in a better mood too in the days that were to follow their sleeping close together. He’d gotten to see these nights as his own way to protect Dean. It was funny to say, but the majority of the times it happened were when Dean had been hurt. Sam figured his subconscious was trying to make up for the trouble he’d gone through to keep him safe.

He kept thinking about just how much Dean meant to him and how he was willing to give everything up for his baby brother. Thoughts kept twirling in his mind, keeping him awake. He’d come to terms with waking up curled up against Dean, even enjoying these secret moments, but he was always as scared that he’d wake up.
It was well into the night when he glanced at the clock. They wouldn’t be hunting anything tonight. Tomorrow neither. They didn’t have any leads yet. Besides, Dean would need the rest.

He stood by his bed and looked at him as he came back from the bathroom. He’d curled up on his side again. His smiled stretched even more when he saw he had curled his fingers on his chest, just above the mark his hand had left. Maybe he’d just happened to end up in this position, but Sam didn’t believe in coincidences.

Dean shifted in his sleep and mumbled something as he laid his hand flat against the one on his skin. Sam didn’t need more to make up his mind and walked up to the other side of his bed, slowly getting under the covers. Dean welcomed the warmth of his body, letting Sam slide his huge paw under his and tangle their fingers together. He turned his head further to the side and the bigger man took the invitation, pressing his face in the crook of his neck. The smell of his skin made him close his eyes in delight and just like that, he was asleep too. This was definitely worth the risks it implied.
.................................

“Wake up sleeping beauty.”

Sam grunted in his sleep and rolled on his back. Dean laughed a little and Sam heard him putting something down on the night table.

“Come on. Time to wake up.”

Sam yawned and stretched his arms far above his head.

“What time is it?” he asked, still half asleep.

Dean grinned.

“Half past ten.” He answered, taking a sip of his coffee and getting up from the edge of the bed.

Sam sat up and looked at the clock, not believing he had slept so late. He never slept that late.

“That’s right Sasquatch. You slept longer than I did.” He teased, something twinkling in his eyes.

Sam opened his mouth, stunned both at his sayings and at the realisation that he was still in Dean’s bed. He’d woken up before he did. He’d woken up to find him in his bed, freakin’ spooning with him.

“Dean, I-”

He dismissed what he was saying with a wave of his hand, a cute smile on his full lips.

“You better get ready. We’re leaving in thirty minutes. I have a lead in Walla Walla
Washington and a pretty interesting one at that.”

Sam got up and stretched some more, relaxing a little. Dean was not going to mention it, it seemed. He decided to do the same.

“We need to get you to the hospital first.” He said, searching for clean clothes.
“I’m fine Sammy.”
“No you’re not.”

Dean sighed. He wasn’t mad at him. His sigh was rather one of those gosh-do-I-have-to-explain-everything sighs. He took off his shirt and showed him the bruise. It had already started to change color, turning from purple-red to brownish yellow.
“See, nothing to worry your pretty little head on.”
Sam nodded, somewhat relieved. At least, he seemed to be in better dispositions. Guess sleeping with him really improved his mood.

“Come on. Get ready. Breakfast’s on the night table.” He said, throwing him his jeans.
......................................

It turned out the lead in Walla Walla wasn’t as interesting as it seemed. The moment the demon heard they were coming to get him, who knows how he did, he just left. They arrived in the city and the problem was already taken care of.

“Guess we’re starting to have quite a reputation.” Dean kidded, as they drove in to the motel.

They’d lost the whole day following leads that led nowhere to finally realise that there was nothing to hunt at all around here.

“Guess a little vacation won’t hurt. Even if it’s in Walla Walla.” Sam said, trying to break the silence.

As much as he usually liked it, he was now afraid that Dean might come out and talk about what had happened two nights before. At least they had slept one after the other the night before, wanting to arrive in this place by morning. Now, being in a motel once again, he was scared of what his brother might do or say.

“Room 12.” He said as he came back into the car, meaning for Sam to drive the car all the way to their room.

He did and took his time in taking his stuff out of the car. Dean was already in the room, lying in bed and watching tv as he came in.

“Dude, where’s the other bed?” he asked, dropping the bags in a chair.

He expected Dean to answer something in the lines of: I figured we only needed one since you squat in my bed and snuggle with me, but he did no such thing.

“There were out of two bedded bedrooms.”

He laughed a little seeing the face Sam made.

“Come on. There’s plenty of room for the both of us, even if you’re the size of Big
Foot.”

Sam grunted and gave him the you-very-well-know-what-will-happen-if-we-both-sleep-in-this-bed look. Dean just winked at him and turned his attention back to the television.
.....................................

“Dude, stop squirming already. You’re making the whole bed shake.”

Sam grunted as an answer and settled on his side, looking at his brother’s back. He had a pretty back; all muscles and tanned skin. It’s as if he purposely slept without shirt when they were in the same bed. Sam had never made his mind on if his brother was taunting him, which he could be since he had known all about the cuddling, or if it simply happened to be that way.
Dean stretched, ending up closer to Sam’s chest after he did so. Again, was he taunting him or not?

“Sam.”
“What?” he answered, still looking at his back, wanting to press up against him so bad.

He looked at him over his shoulder. Now, it was dark and the details were blurry, but he could have sworn he was smiling. Dean moved back a little more, this time making it very obvious that it was an invitation. Sam blushed, glad for the shadows at this point, and slid closer to the other man. He just couldn’t believe Dean had invited him to spoon with him.

What if he hadn’t? What if he had understood it all wrong?

Dean put an end to his growing sense of panic by making him wrap a long arm around his waist and pressing up against his chest.

“There we go.” He said quietly, sinking his head in the pillow.

Sam smiled shyly and muzzled at his neck. Was he dreaming or was this really happening?

“This is nice.” Dean purred, his voice starting to sound sleepy.

Sam grunted in acknowledgement, holding him tighter. He just couldn’t believe this was happening. So Dean enjoyed having him this close too. A shame Sam hadn’t taken his shirt off before coming to bed. Skin against skin would have been even nicer.

“Good night Dean.” He whispered, pressing his face against his neck and breathing in deeply.

He grunted as an answer and tangled the fingers of one hand with his on his stomach. Sam smiled in contempt. This would probably turn out to be a great vacation. He kissed his shoulder gently and closed his eyes, letting sleep take over him too.
.................................

Sammy, he heard Dean whisper, as if checking if he was awake or not. It happened he was, sort of. He grunted sleepily and pulled him a bit closer before answering.

“Yes Dean.”

He felt his brother twist against him to look over his shoulder, as if to check if he really was awake. He finally rested his head back on the pillow. Sam waited, a cheek pressed against his spiky hair. He knew he wanted to tell him something. He just had to be patient.

“I’m sorry if I’m rude with you sometimes, he finally said quietly, You know, when you ask me about my injuries.”

Sam frowned slightly, beginning to babble something about it being alright. Dean cut him off and made him wrap his arm tighter around his chest.

“I know I am sometimes Sammy. And I’m sorry for that. It’s just that I don’t want you to start evaluating how much or how often I get hurt to protect you.”

He kept silent for a few moments after that before restarting to speak.

“It just that I don’t want anything to happen to you. And I don’t want you to feel you owe me something.”

Saying this, he let his hand trail up Sam’s forearm.

“I know this is not the life you want and I’m doing my best to keep your ass alive so you can have something better for yourself when all of this is over.”
“Dean, it’s no reason to sacrifice yourself like this all the time.”

He laughed a little, but his laughter was tainted with sadness.

“It is Sam. It’s the only thing I can do. Sometimes I feel like I was put there to protect you. I always have and I always will. This love I have for you Sam, it’s stronger than anything I’ve ever felt for anyone.”

He could imagine the tears rolling down Dean’s face even though he couldn’t see them. He wiped his own on the pillow, trying like hell to control his breathing for him not to realise he was crying too.

“What I feel for you Sam, it’s so strong it scares me. And I want to tell you that I’m not expecting anything from you. I’m doing fine just being there for you. There’s no need for you to feel any obligations towards me. I-”

Sam cupped one of his cheeks and made him turn around, cutting him off in his monologue. They ended up facing each other. Tears really were staining his brother’s cheeks. He wiped them away with the pads of his thumbs.

“It’s okay Dean.” He whispered, pulling him closer and wrapping both arms around him.

He was stiff against his body.

“I just get so scared each time your life is in danger. I’d do anything to keep you safe Sammy. Anything. I wished you could have the life you want. I really do.” He said quietly, resting a cheek against the bigger man collar bones.

Sam held back a sob and cupped the back of his head. What could he answer to that? That he had the life he wanted already? Dean was no fool. He’d know he was lying.

“I don’t have the life I had wished for Dean, that’s true. But I am spending it with you and that pretty much makes up for it.” He whispered.

He meant all that he said, but he couldn’t bring himself to tell him just how he felt for him; even while holding him in this manner.

“I don’t know what I’d do without you either Dean.” He whispered to his already falling asleep brother.

His body was relaxing against his. Sam lied on his back and pulled him closer. He looked at him just resting there, head slumped against his shoulder, an arm around his waist and was reminded of them as kids.

Dean had always let him creep up into his bed and sleep with him when he had nightmares or when a monster, which didn’t exist (John had checked, just in case), squatted his closet. He’d just peel the covers back when little Sammy peaked his head in the doorframe, tears staining his cheeks and motion him to come in, a sweet smile on his lips. Sam used to cuddle against him in this manner, pressing up against his side and letting him wrap an arm around his shoulders.

He’d always felt safe when Dean held him like this. Those were the nights, once again, where both of them slept the best. John had never said anything about it. That he found it sweet was Sam’s guess. It had stopped though, not because their father had told them to quit it, but rather because Sam had started to find it weird. Not that Dean had second thoughts or anything, but he did. He’d started to find Dean to be more to his eyes than his brother.

Of course, it had saddened him greatly when his little brother had suddenly started being distant. Not that he was mean or anything, but they had always been very close and like that, from one day to the other, he seemed uncomfortable to be left alone with him. Dean had put it on the back of hormones or something in that line. He’d acted pretty cool about it, but it had hurt him badly. The wound still hadn’t healed. He still blamed himself for that drastic change in his brother’s attitude. Maybe he’d done something or said something that had pushed him away without being aware of it. This had been haunting him since then.

“I never meant to push you aside and hurt you.” He whispered to the sleeping man, slowly caressing his hair.

He’d make sure of explaining it to him in the morning. After all, he wasn’t the only one with those feelings. There was no need to keep them for himself and hurt Dean any longer.
...............................

Sam grunted softly when he moved and Dean’s body wasn’t against his anymore. He yawned and started sitting up.

“Dean?” he asked in a sleepy voice.
“Shhh Sammy. Go back to sleep.” He heard him say as he pushed him back into the covers and lied back down next to him.

He tried saying something in the line of what time is it, but Dean cuddled against him, sinking his head in the hollow of his neck, making him forget all about what he wanted to ask.

“Go back to sleep.” He whispered as he folded an arm above his head and used his free hand to caress his jaw.

Sam nodded and smiled in contempt, encircling the smaller man with both his arms.

“Dean?”

He grunted as an answer, pushing a thigh between his, longing for warmth.

“I was meaning to tell you that it wasn’t your fault if I became distant.”
“When we were kids?” he asked sleepily.
“Yeah, when we were kids. I didn’t mean to hurt you. It’s just that I started having these feelings for you and it scared me.” He said quietly, running his fingers up and down his spine.
“What feelings?” he asked, completely awake now, resting his head on a fist.

Sam smiled a little, one of those I’m-happy-but-I’m-sad-at-the-same-time smiles and cupped his cheek.He wanted to tell him he’d pushed him away because he loved him in a way brother couldn’t love each other, but didn’t know how.

“I drifted away from you because the love I had for you was not one of a brother.” He finally spoke, caressing Dean’s jaw with a thumb.

The smaller man smiled, but tears crept into his eyes.

“That’s why you stopped touching me? That’s why you wanted to go away?”

Dean looked as if he couldn’t believe what he was told. Sam nodded slightly, brushing hair off his forehead.

“I’m sorry for the pain I caused you. I never meant to hurt you. It just seemed so wrong.” He whispered, making him lean closer.
“Does it still?” he asked, not really expecting an answer.

Sam smiled, for real this time and shook his head.

“Not since I know you feel the same way for me.”

Dean smiled too, his body relaxing completely against his. Sam could see just how much changes his declaration had made in his brother. He didn’t seem as sad as he had done since he’d woken up to apologize. He seemed at peace around him, and that was a great relief.

“I love you Dean.” He whispered against his lips.

The smaller man smiled sweetly and leaned closer, brushing his full lips against his.

“I love you too Sammy.” He answered.

This being said, the bigger man pulled him closer, cupping his neck. He wanted to kiss him. He’d wanted to kiss him for so long. Dean closed the distance between their mouths, shuddering hard against him. Sam purred and deepened the kiss. He tasted just like he’d imagined he would. Dean grunted softly and parted his lips as Sam nudged them with a shy tongue.

This was blissful; having Dean let him kiss him in this manner, his tongue gently fighting with his own.

“Mhmm, Dean...” he panted as he pulled back for air.

He smiled at him in a fashion that always made his stomach knot. He saved this smile for very special occasions. Sam cupped his cheeks and smiled back. He hadn’t seen his brother so happy in quite a while. To put it simply, he was almost glowing.

“Kiss me.” He purred, going back to cupping his neck and the back of his head.

Dean wad only happy to comply and leaned in for another kiss. Sam shuddered, letting him do the probing at his lips and smiling a bit as he shuddered on top of him. This was just amazing. Who could have thought this could be so delicious.

“This is so wrong, Dean whispered against his lips before dipping into another kiss, But I can’t help myself.”

Sam laughed a bit and held him tighter.

“I don’t want you to stop.” He muttered against his lips.

Dean purred, to the other man’s pleasure and kissed him very softly. Sam rolled on top, wanting to press up against him so bad. He needed for him to hold him between his arms, just like he used too. Sam broke the kiss and muzzled at his neck.

“Hold me Dean.” He said quietly, pressing up against his side.

He smiled a little and complied, wrapping strong arms around his shoulders and back. He’d been wondering for such a long time how it would feel to be held by him again in this manner and Sam now knew that.

“It’s a shame we wasted all these years.” He whispered to Dean, running light fingers up and down his breast plate.

He laughed a bit, the touch tickling him and caressed Sam’s hair slowly.

“Yeah, it is Sammy.” He replied quietly.

He looked up at him and grinned. He liked seeing Dean this happy. It made him happy too.

“Come here.” He whispered, pulling him up and making him sink his head in the crook of his neck.

Sam purred and kissed at his soft skin. He couldn’t believe he’d missed out on this for so long. It felt so nice to be held like this against his warm body.

“Sleep Sasquatch.” He whispered, smirking.

Sam decided to ignore the name calling and rather cuddled closer. Just like that, he was out, the steady rhythm of Dean’s heart easing him to sleep.