It Only Burns at First

The liquor only burns at first, before you become numb. Before the haze, when you still have to be you. Now Abby can barely taste the alcohol, hardly feel the sting. She’s been drinking all day, but only now is she drinking enough to completely lose herself. She’s at a bar, hiding away in a booth by herself. She’s not answering the many calls from Luka.

As she sits, lost in thought, she sees a familiar face. Kerry in the middle of the bar, looking so out of place. Kerry sees Abby and comes over to the booth.

“Hey Kerry, what are you doing here?” Abby asks surprised to see her old friend.

“Neela called me. Said she thought I was the only one you might listen to,” Kerry says as she sits across from Abby. “She was afraid I might lose you.”

“You weren’t here,” Abby says, her voice hard and angry.

“I thought you didn’t need me… you had Luka,” Kerry replies.

“It isn’t the same with him,” Abby says, taking another drink.

Kerry gently takes the drink from Abby's hand. “Abby? How about we go somewhere else?” Kerry asks.

“Sure,” Abby replies.

Kerry helps Abby with her coat and helps her into the cab. Abby doesn’t notice that they are going to Kerry’s hotel room until they’re outside the door. Kerry runs her fingers across Abby’s cheek and Abby can’t help but kiss her. It’s not the perfect first kiss she imagined. She didn’t want to be drunk and cheating on Luka, but she does want her. It’s the wrong time, but it feels right.

She presses herself close to Kerry, trying to make the rest go away. Kerry opens the door and pulls Abby inside. She lays her on the bed and slowly and gently undresses her. She runs her fingers along Abby’s hips, her lips along her breasts. Kerry doesn’t want to be a mistake Abby made, but she can’t help to act upon this long suppressed desire. She slowly pushes her fingers inside Abby, smiling as Abby gasps. She holds Abby as she comes and as she starts to cry. All she can do is be there, and hope Abby still wants her in the morning. She wipes away a tear and stokes Abby’s hair until she falls asleep.


Abby opens her eyes to the morning light that invades the peace of the hotel room. She wakes up feeling safe for once, and Kerry’s arms around her remind her why. As she snuggles back into Kerry’s embrace, the events of last night come back to her.

The hangover sets in, reminding her of the countless drinks that lead to her cheating on Luka. Yet, she can’t make sleeping with Kerry what she regrets. She regrets falling back into this trap of drinking and self-hatred. She regrets hurting Luka. But she has loved Kerry for so long that finally holding her is too precious to regret. So she denies reality for one more hour, and lets the safety, happiness and love with Kerry be the only thing she feels.

Waking up an hour later, reality is back, with all its responsibilities. Luka and she have a son, and she has to go back to them. She kisses Kerry tenderly and whispers in her ear, “I’ve loved you for quite a long time. Through every woman or man between us, you have been my best friend, and you have always been the only one with my heart.”

Kerry takes her hand and holds it tight. She looks Abby in the eye as she whispers, “I love you too.”

They kiss again before Abby gathers her things and heads for the door.

Kerry stops her, “Abby?”

“Yes?” Abby replies.

“Please take care of yourself, Abby. I’ll be here for you whenever you need me, but you can’t let this alcoholism and depression consume you.”

“I know,” Abby says softly.

Kerry touches Abby’s check, “You’re too precious to lose, Abigail Lockhart,” she says with a gentle smile.

Abby hesitantly starts to hug Kerry, and Kerry pulls her tightly against her.

“I love you, Kerry.”

“I love you too, Abby. Call me whenever you want.”

Abby finally brakes away and opens the door, not breaking eye contact with Kerry until she has to.