Reap the Whirlwind

Reap the Whirlwind

Don't own 'em, just playing with 'em. All H:TLJ and X:WP characters belong to Renaissance films. But, lucky, lucky me! The Anemoi are public domain! (Huggles Zephyr.)

Inspired by Sidewinder's Autolycus/Joxer stories. I tried to contact her for permission with no luck. Her stories explain why Autolycus and Joxer are together and why Joxer quit trying to be a warrior and became a musician instead. No real permanent change to the characters except for...well, you'll see at the end. ;)



The inn in Thrace was willing to pay Joxer free dinner and a room for the night for his services. Before show time, he mingled with the other musicians. A flutist who traveled with his wife, a vocalist. A lyre player from Brittania that everyone called Eltonius because it was easier to pronounce than Reghlachnous Dwight, his real name. A drummer who didn't seem to know where he was. A rag-tag team, but Joxer didn't mind. All he hoped was that a particular special someone would be in the audience.

He wasn't sure if he'd see him. Autolycus might be "working" late. Joxer didn't see him at first. He simply played the ballad the flutist taught him half an hour before the show started. It was something he called "All Through the Night". Cynthia sang the heartfelt lyrics as the band backed her up. As the second verse started, Joxer saw him, seated at one of the tables, candlelight complementing his handsome face. And smiling a special smile, just for him.

All through the night
Stray cat is crying so stray cat sings back
All through the night
They have forgotten what by day they lack
Oh beneath the candle light
There is little chance they may see
We have no past, we won't reach back
Keep with me forward all through the night
And once we start the sand runs down
And it goes running all through the night
Until it ends there is no end.....

At the end of the song, there's applause and the clink of money as the tip jar fills up. Joxer ignored it, descending the stage to join the thief. "Hey, Joxer," called Cynthia. "Don't you want your share of the tips?"

"Keep it." Joxer said, eyes still on his beloved.

"You were great up there." said Autolycus.

"Thanks. Cynthia's a great singer."

"There was a singer?"

"Oh, Auto, quit playing!" They shared a laugh and a hug. "Song kinda reminds me of us. Y'know, two stray cats calling for each other."

"Yeah, that's us. A couple of stray cats. So, nice sandals, wanna fuck?"

"You get right to it." Joxer laughed. "Lemme talk to the band." Joxer approached the rest of the band. "Um...you guys need the lute on the next piece?"

"Oh, got yourself a groupie then?" chuckled Eltonius in his mild accent. "Go on. Have yourself a time."

Joxer flushed at the idea of someone knowing exactly what he and Autolycus would be doing behind closed doors. Autolycus didn't seem to mind. It was all they could do not to race up the stairs together. In the safety of Joxer's room, Joxer closed and locked the door behind them and took Autolycus in his arms.

"So, I'm a groupie now?" the thief chuckled.

"You're my groupie." Joxer locked his lips with the other man as muffled flute and lyre music filtered up to their room. They stripped clothes from each other as Cynthia sang downstairs.

Watching every motion
In my foolish lover's game
On this endless ocean
Finally lovers know no shame
Turning and returning
To some secret place inside
Watching in slow motion
As you turn around and say
Take my breath away

The bed was narrow. The only way to make room for both of them was to be in each others' arms. Joxer took the dominate position, fluttering soft kisses over Auto's face, almost keeping tempo with the love ballad as their fingers meshed. Joxer worked his lips down the thief's neck and started teasing the nipples. Autolycus meshed his fingers in the musician's fine hair. "Your hair's getting long." he said as means of conversation.

"I'm thinking of letting it grow out." Joxer said, slowly circling a nipple with one finger. "It looks good on Jace, so it'll probably look good on me."

"But, how will I tell you apart?"

"Jace offered to get a tattoo that says 'I'm not Joxer'."

"He doesn't need to go that far." Auto chuckled. "I'm sure I could tell you apart." /Won't ever make that mistake again./ Auto thought. /The man's a saint for forgiving me for...what's he doing with those fingers? Whatever it is, don't stop!/

Joxer's long fingers trailed lightly over Auto's thighs and hips. One hand cupped his balls while the other stroked his shaft. Auto gasped loudly. He closed his eyes to savor the beautiful, warm sensation that slowly consumed him. Joxer was nuzzling and kissing his face. Auto opened his eyes to see his lover smiling at him as his hands worked magic. Joxer nodded in the direction of the nightstand, where a vial of oil stood. Autolycus took the hint. Oh, yeah, he was the receiver last time. My turn now. Not that that was a problem, Auto decided as he handed his lover the oil. Better to receive than get...or is it the other way around?...oh...oh, yeah....ooooh......

"Autolycus, I'm so in love with you." Joxer whispered to him.

"Joxer...." Autolycus gasped.

He grunted as he felt Joxer enter him and gasped out his name again. Joxer let the beautifully made legs rest on his shoulders as he started slow and steady thrusts. Auto was panting for air and grabbing fistfuls of sheet. Joxer's thrusts quickened as he watched his love respond to him. His moans of pleasure were drowning out Cynthia's voice, but to Joxer, they were the sweetest music. He loved this man with all his heart. "Auto..." Joxer whispered reverently. He needed to feel him, all of him. He scooped up the other man's body and squeezed him close, the both of them grinding frantically. Joxer reveled in the feel of strong arms clinging to him. The cries and gasps were more urgent. He heard his name. He so loved to hear his beloved say his name. It reminded him that he was giving pleasure as well as receiving.

"Joxer...I'm almost...." Auto gasped out.

"Auto, come with me." Joxer panted. "I want us to come together!"

Joxer got his wish. With a pair of great cries, the two men met their climax. One moment they were flying together, the next they were falling together. They collapsed on the bed together, both gasping for air that had seemed so superfluous moments ago. When the two of them joined, it felt as though they needed nothing else, not even air to breathe. Joxer lay atop Autolycus as they panted, unheedful that they both had a fine layer of perspiration. He kissed his lover as he gently slid out of his body. "So," Autolycus panted. "Was it good?"

Joxer could only nod. It was better than good. Mere words just couldn't explain what it was like to be joined body and soul with the man he loved so much. Autolycus just looked so beautiful like this; stretched out, naked, looking more than a little pleased. Joxer stretched out against him. "You're so hot." he murmured. "You make me want to do it again with you."

Autolycus chuckled and hugged his lover. "Sorry. Closed for the night." he responded. He kissed him. They heard rain spattering on the roof above them. "Real glad we're inside." Auto remarked.

"Uh-huh." Joxer mumbled against his throat. "Nothing like the sound of summer rain."

"You romantic. I love you."

"I love you too."

They fell asleep, not knowing of the black winged being that sat on the roof, unmindful of the torrent of raindrops.
*******************************************************

The next evening, Joxer noticed a pair of familiar faces in the audience. During the break he went to greet them. "Iolaus? Hercules? Hey, what brings you guys to Thrace?" He took a seat with them.

"Just passing through." said Hercules. "Didn't know you could play. You're good."

"Thanks." Joxer blushed. It wasn't often he got complemented. "I finally wised up and realized that the warrior biz just isn't for me. Guess I've changed my name to Joxer the Musical."

"As long as you're doing what you like, that's all that matters." said Iolaus. "So, who's the singer? New girlfriend?"

"Cynthia? Nah, she's married to the flutist." They looked her way, just in time to see her kiss the flute player. "But, I kinda am with someone now."

"Really?" said Iolaus. "What's her name?"

"Um...actually, it's a he."

"OK." Iolaus shrugged. "What's his name then?"

"Well, it's someone you guys know."

"Just as long as it's not Ares." Hercules chuckled.

"Nah. He doesn't like me much anyway."

"Is it...Salmonius?" Iolaus guessed.

"Eew." Joxer was a little grossed out at the mental image.
Autolycus' appearance put paid to any further guesses. "Hey, Jox." he said, putting a familiar hand on his shoulder. Then he noticed the two shocked faces of Hercules and Iolaus. "Oh, company." he took a seat.

Iolaus gaped for a moment. He looked at Joxer, mouthed the word "Him?" and pointed at Autolycus. Joxer nodded.

"Close your mouth, Iolaus." said Autolycus. "Flies are getting in."

"How about we have some drinks?" Hercules suggested to release the tension. "Waitress!"

The waitress took their orders. "OK, so that's three ales and one water." she said. "Back soon."

"You two?" Iolaus tried to make sense of it. "Together? As in /together/ together? As in, the two of you are...." He picked up a fork and made an appropriate gesture with it.

"Let's not get nosey, Iolaus." said Hercules.

"So, what's with the water?" Autolycus asked as the waitress served them.

"It's this new idea Herc has." said Iolaus. "Not a bad one."
"I call it the designated walker program." said Hercules. "You know how it is when a group goes out for drinks and they all get so drunk they can't even walk straight? I think it would be a good idea if before a group goes out drinking if they would designate one person to stay sober so he can walk the rest of his friends home safely. Cuts down on accidents."

"Yeah." said Iolaus. "I heard of this one guy who got drunk and tried to walk home and tripped over his own feet. Someone else tripped over him, and another person tripped over /him/ and before you know it...multiple person pile up. Herc's a pretty descent designated walker. He's always walking me back to our room after I've had too many."

"You two share a room?" asked Autolycus.

"Uh, it's cheaper that way." said Hercules.

"Might as well tell 'em the truth, Herc." Iolaus sighed.

"Alright." said Hercules. "Iolaus and I are.../together/ together."

"Like me and Auto?" said Joxer.

"Is everyone switching teams?" Autolycus asked rhetorically.

"But we're happy for them, aren't we?' asked Joxer.

"Yeah, sure, I guess." Auto shrugged. "And I guess the designated walker program sounds like a good idea. I remember one time Joxer here got wasted and picked a fight with someone the size of a small castle."

"Iolaus has a bad habit of doing that too." said Hercules. "And then there was the time he got drunk on beer from Chin and started singing some song about goblins."

"Hey, the goblin song is poetry!" said Iolaus. "And don't forget the time you over imbibed and tried to start a conversation with a horse!"

"He was a good listener." Hercules said defensively.

"How 'bout you Autolycus?" asked Iolaus. "You do anything dumb under the influence?"

"Uh...not that I can think of."

"Yeah, right." laughed Iolaus. "C'mon, Joxer, you tell us. Autolycus ever get drunk and do something stupid?"

"Nothing worth mentioning." Joxer shrugged. "Hey, Hercules, if you're not drinking that means we can play a drinking game and you can be the referee."

"Great." said Iolaus, not caring that the subject had been changed. "Who wants to play Balls?"

"That game always gets us kicked out." said Hercules.

"OK, how 'bout Kottabos?"

"Too...messy."

"How 'bout Dinars?" said Joxer. "I'm pretty good at that. Auto, lend me a dinar." Autolycus gave him a dinar. Joxer flipped the coin so that it landed in his glass. "Your turn." he said, fishing the coin out of the ale.

Hercules observed his friends as they took turns flipping a dinar into a glass. Out of the corner of his eye, he was sure he saw someone with wings. He looked up.

"What is it, Herc?" asked Iolaus.

"I-I thought I just saw someone with wings a moment ago."

"Think Cupid's dropping in on us?" asked Autolycus.

Hercules shook his head. "The person I saw had black wings." He looked in the direction he thought he had seen the person. "Whoever it was is gone now."

"Probably another of your weird relatives." said Iolaus, flipping the coin into his glass. Hercules put the vision out of his mind.

"So, one night this whole convent of Hestian priestesses burns down," Autolycus was saying after they tired of playing Dinars. "And all the vestals are brought before Hades for judgment. He asks one of 'em 'Have you ever touched a penis?'" Joxer giggled at the mention of the word and Hercules blushed. Auto continued his joke. "And the vestal says 'Just once. With my finger.' So, Hades conjures up this amphora of Lethe water and says 'Wash your finger in this Lethe water and you may go to the Elysian Fields.' He asks the next vestal 'Have you ever touched a penis?' and the girl says 'Well, I did give a guy a hand job once.' So, Hades tells her she can go to Elysium if she washes her hands in the Lethe water. Suddenly, this vestal in the back elbows her way to the front of the line and says 'Move over! If I gotta gargle, I wanna do it before Eulalia sticks her whole fat butt in!'" The other three men laughed.

"That joke is so wrong." Hercules said, even as he laughed.

"Here's a joke that's wrong." said Joxer. "Spartacus walks into an inn. He gives the innkeeper a few nails and he says 'Can you put me up for the night?'" His friends laughed.

"Hey, let's play Buzz." Iolaus suggested. "We count off and whenever one of us comes to a number divisible by four or has a four in it, he says 'buzz'. If it's divisible by five or has a five in it, you say 'bing'. I'll start. One."

Late into the night, Hercules played referee to the drinking games his friends played. A few times, Hercules was accused of going too easy on Iolaus. This was not so, as a few times Hercules charged Iolaus the penalty. At first, Iolaus took his "penalty" (A gulp of liquor) with gusto, but later, he started pouting when Hercules caught him in error, particularly when they played "Fuzzy Duck" and "Fig Plucker". Iolaus gradually became less inhibited, going from holding hands under the table with Hercules to laying his head on his shoulder. Autolycus and Joxer were likewise getting a bit flirty. Autolycus normally didn't let himself get this inebriated, but he wasn't about to let Iolaus drink him under the table. Eventually, after the other three started drumming on the table and singing about wanting to go home and go to bed, Hercules called it a night. "Friends don't let friends walk drunk." he said as he tried to round the three of them up.

The stairs were the hardest to navigate. Hercules carried Joxer and Autolycus under each arm and Iolaus on his back. Briefly, he was reminded of a time when he carried all three of his children to bed. Then Iolaus nuzzled his neck and mumbled "I love you, man."

"Yeah, I love you too." said Hercules. "Joxer, what room was it again?"

"It was...um...it, uh...hadda t'ree innit."

"Buzz!" said Autolycus.

"We're not playing that game anymore." Hercules said.

"I-I woulda won." Autolycus muttered. "Wherza floor?"

"I'm carrying you." Hercules told him.

"Oh. That's why I can' feel it."

"I can fly!" Joxer giggled, flapping his arms.

"I love you, man." Iolaus reiterated.

"Hang on, let me get the key." Part of the designated walker program included handing your keys over to the walker. "OK, looks like it's this room here." He fumbled with the lock on the door and dropped Joxer and Autolycus on the bed. Immediately, their limbs entwined and they fell asleep. Hercules briefly wondered which one was snoring louder. He was aware of Iolaus sliding from his perch on the bigger man's back.

"I love you, man." Iolaus wrapped his arms tightly around Hercules' waist.

"I know." said Hercules. "Let's go now."

"Don' lemme all alone!" Iolaus begged.

"I won't. Just come with me."

"Mmmm...you're not going anywhere, big guy." Iolaus started kissing Hercules' neck.

"Uh, OK, Iolaus, you're drunk."

"I'm drunk on luuuuuuv!" Iolaus slurred.

"Iolaus, I'm not going to take advantage of you like this."

"Who's takin' 'vantage?" Iolaus asked, letting his hands stray.

"Iolaus, not here. There's two people...what are you doing?"

"What's it feel like I'm doing?"

"It feels like you're trying to milk my thumb."

"That's your thumb?"

"And will you please take your other hand out of my pants?"

"Ooh...know I was doin' something right!"

"Iolaus...Iolaus stop that!"

"You wan' me stop? Why? Don't you love me anymore?"

"Yes, but, look, you don't know what you want right now."

"I know zackly what I want! I want you, Hercules!"

"Iolaus, Iolaus, give me my pants back! I-Iol-oh....stop it! Stop it right now!"

"You're stronger'n me. You can make me stop if you really wanted."

"If-if I...oh...really wanted."

"Mmmm...I knew you wanted it too."

/This is wrong./ He told himself. /So wrong on so many levels. He's drunk. This isn't our room. Two people are in here. Yeah, they're asleep, but still, this is wrong, this is wrong, this...is...oh...so good!/ He had to brace himself on Iolaus' shoulders to keep from falling over when his climax came.

"Mmm...mead and wine with a Hercules chaser." Iolaus chuckled. "Love it."

"Iolaus...."

"C'mere and kiss me, sweetheart."