My Immortal

My Immortal lyrics by Evanescence

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

You used to captivate me
By your resonating life
Now I'm bound by the life you've left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along

XXXXXXX

The changes in his brother Sam had been gradual and subtle at first but Dean had noticed them. He’d told himself that Sam was okay, that the changes didn’t mean anything, that the yellow-eyed demon had lied and that his brother who’d come back from the dead was still 100% pure Sam. He’d disappeared for a week the first time, but then later Sam had started disappearing for 24 hours at a time. He’d leave a note telling Dean to stay where he was and wait for his return. He’d never tell Dean where he’d gone or what he’d done. Dean worried about his younger brother. The changes were becoming more dramatic now and it was though the essence of his brother was slowly slipping away.

XXXXXXX

Sam had been hard to convince initially but Ruby had finally gotten him to believe that he could become powerful enough that he could save his brother Dean from dying and forfeiting his soul to hell. She’d told him, “Everything that has happened is all about you Sam; it’s always been about you.” Her demon words were making more sense to him now. She was training him and helping him turn his body and mind stronger and more powerful. The first week Ruby had him, she’d made him drink a concoction of blood and wine from an ancient goblet. He’d not recognized any of the symbols or writing on it and the mixture had made him very sick initially but he’d been unable to throw it up. It hurt so badly he’d wished for death. Ruby was chanting and speaking in a language that sounded nothing like any language he’d ever heard. Everything went white and he’d lost consciousness that first time and when he’d come to he’d thought he was going crazy. His body felt strange and strange thoughts and sensations were over-whelming him. Ruby had held him and explained that the drink he had contained blood from each of the other yellow-eyed demon’s ‘special children’, whether deceased or alive and that by drinking it along with her ceremony that he had now gained each one’s special powers. It was very important that he allow Ruby to help him learn to control the powers or it was likely that he’d be killing people that he didn’t intend too. Ruby began training him immediately and by the end of the week Sam had mastered several new powers. The last thing Ruby had him to do was to kill a criminal in an alley using only the power of his mind. Sam had broken down and wept after the killing. He’d been remorseful and torn up knowing he had taken a life this way. Ruby had chastised him and told him he’d have to harden up if he was going to be successful in overcoming demons and keeping his brother from hell. She cautioned Sam about displaying his abilities in front of Dean. When he’d returned to Dean’s room he’d told him he’d been working on how to save him from his contract with the Crossroads demon and that was all he was going to tell him. Dean had been livid with him for not calling him and for all the worry he’d put him through. Sam told him he was sorry that he’d worried but that he should stop worrying about him, that he’d be okay. Dean had grabbed him by his jacket and pushed up against the wall. Sam pushed him away with a gesture from his hand without even touching him. Dean had called out ‘Cristo’ with no reaction other than a smirk from his brother. Dean rationalized that Sammy had displayed telekinesis before when he’d been under duress and that whatever had happened to him this past week must have been bad. Sam had been so exhausted he’d gone to bed and slept 16 hours. When he’d gotten up he seemed like the old Sammy again.

XXXXXXX

Their sex began changing over time. Sam had become a stricter and more controlling Dom with him and that control seemed to bleed over into their everyday lives more and more. Sometimes Dean felt as though he wasn’t sure where he ended and Sam began. He began to worry that his brother was controlling him more directly somehow, as though Sam was putting thoughts and feelings into his head. Sam was punishing him more physically now than ever before. Sometimes Sam had disregarded his safe word and had Dean weeping and begging him before he would stop whipping or torturing him. He always seemed so repentant and loving afterwards that Dean found himself forgiving him. He couldn’t deny that he was being to feel some fear towards his brother.

XXXXXXX

Their supernatural hunting jobs had become faster and uglier. Dean wondered why Sam even needed him now. Sam had become a raging, killing machine. He could pinpoint evil quickly now and seemed to have become immune to most creatures and spirits they went up against. He’d also developed a new fetish for blood. As near as Dean could tell, Sammy wasn’t becoming a vampire but now whenever they managed to trap a demon, Sammy would cut them and drink their blood before any exorcism was done. It finally dawned on Dean that each time Sammy did this; he took the demon’s supernatural powers. His eyes never went black, but Sam was becoming every bit as strong and powerful as any of the demons they went up against now. Dean longed for his sensitive younger brother to return to him. Sam was still disappearing for 24 hours every couple of weeks. He always returned with blood on him. Dean wondered whether he should have just let Sam remain dead. This Sam seemed less and less like his brother the closer they got to the end of his year.

XXXXXXX

Dean was awakened by the sound of Sam weeping and rocking in the corner of the hotel room. He’d never heard Sammy cry and moan like this. He speaking in some tongue that Dean didn’t even recognize and he wasn’t sure whether he should go and comfort him or not. His love for his brother finally won out and he went to the corner and took Sammy in his arms and tried to soothe him. He felt as though his own heart was breaking. Dean had never heard anyone who sounded in such depths of despair.

“It’s going to be alright Sammy, its okay…I’ve got you…” Dean whispered.

“It’s going to be awful Dean and it has to be done… there’s no other way…” Sam was shaking. “I don’t think I can control it anymore –”

“You can fight this Sam, you’re strong…” Dean was petting Sam and rocking with him, not sure what he meant.

“No, I can’t Dean, not forever. I’ve been doing hellacious things for months and I’ve been full of hate and rage and the feelings have gotten worse. I don’t think I can hold back any more.”

“Don’t talk like that Sammy. You’re Sam Winchester and that’s all you’ve ever got to be. You still have all of me and I’ll never leave you,” Dean said emphatically as he looked into his eyes.

“Don’t say that Dean, you don’t know what I’m capable of, what I’ve done, what I’ll do to you to keep you. You should go; you should run right now and get as far away from me as possible. I’ll do whatever I can to not follow you, just get away, and go!!!” Sam was yelling at him now and pushing him away physically, trying desperately to not use his powers. He struck Dean hard but Dean was back in his face immediately.

“Where would I go Sam? Don’t you get it? I haven’t left you before now because I can’t. I know you’ve been seeing Ruby and I know some of what you’ve been doing when you’ve been gone. You’re the only thing I’ve got in this whole world that makes me want to keep going. I’ve taken care of you since you were a baby and I love you more than anyone in this world or in the next. I’d rather be torn to death by the hounds from hell and taken there than to be separated from you. I don’t want to ever leave you!” Dean yelled as he wiped tears from his face and held onto Sam.

“You don’t mean that Dean…”

“Yes I do Sam; I mean every bit of it!”

“Oh God, forgive me for what I am about to do. I’m so sorry…” Sam cried hot blinding tears as he knocked his brother unconscious and held his limp body in his arms.

XXXXXXX

Sam finished tying his brother’s nude unconscious body to the altar and gently stroked his face. He looked over at Ruby.

“You’re sure this is going to work Ruby? Because if it doesn’t…” Sam looked at her hard; she understood what he was threatening.

“Yes, it will work. When we do the ceremony he will become just like you and will have the same powers as you, although you will always be stronger Sam. And then you must give me what I want as you’ve sworn an oath,” Ruby looked seductive in her long black robe.

“I’ll do as I’ve sworn but I must have Dean with me forever so this better work,” Sam said as he ran his hand down her face.

“There’s no undoing this, you both will stay the same, never age and never die again. You fully understand and commit to this Sam?” Ruby had her hand on his face. He shook his head yes. “Then take him now.”

Dean woke up with a gasp, disoriented. He was buck naked and tied to some type of table with his arms tied over his head. He looked around, the high ceiling and stained glass made no sense. He realized in horror he was tied to an altar in an abandoned church. He struggled against his bonds but gave up quickly when he realized his brother Sam was standing at his feet watching him along with a young blonde woman who must be Ruby he thought. They were both dressed in long black robes.

“Yes, Dean this is Ruby. She’s going to help us so that you’ll never have to leave me again.”

Dean moaned and closed his eyes briefly. The finality of what Sam was saying was striking home. “So you can read my mind too Sammy? How long have you been able to do that?”

Sam looked at him and a small smirk formed on his face. “Don’t be afraid Dean. You’ll be able to do everything I can after this, but I’ll always be the one in control, always the top.”

Shock and disbelief washed over Dean’s face as he realized that Sam had just spoken directly to his mind telepathically and that his lips had never moved.

Sam and Ruby went to either side of the altar and held hands. They both began talking, first one and then the other, but they were speaking a language he didn’t know. He felt fear wash over him like a wave. After several minutes they stopped and Sam placed his large hands on his chest.

“Do you promise to always cleave to me, to always be mine, to be blood of my blood, life-force of my life-force for all eternity?” Sam asked looking directly into Dean’s eyes.

Dean was shaking as he spoke, “I am of your blood Sam and I’ve always been yours.”

“Life-force of my life-force for all eternity?” Sam asked again.

“Yes,” Dean said quietly and somehow he knew everything was going to change now. He gasped in surprise as Sam unzipped the robe he had on and climbed upon the altar and began kissing him. First passionately on the mouth and then he slowly worked his way down Dean’s body kissing and tasting him.

Dean moaned, “Please Sam untie me. I’m not leaving you. Please.”

Sam looked up at Ruby who shook her head no. She didn’t think Sam controlled him well enough to turn him loose, things could go badly.

Sam took his face in his hands, “You will be totally submissive to me no matter what I do to you Dean. You trust me and don’t fight me no matter what. Swear it.”

Dean said yes and felt his heart sink within his chest. It was occurring to him that Sam meant to take his life.

Sam reached over his head and removed the bonds, setting Dean free below him. Dean reached up and ran his hands down Sam’s sides.

“I love you…” Dean choked out emotionally.

“Oh God Dean…please…” Sam sounded like he was begging as he pulled up both Dean’s legs and slowly pushed into his ass. Dean grimaced and cried out below him. He hadn’t expected Sam to take him so quickly, so painfully. Sam halted and watched his face, waited an eternity for Dean to relax before he began slowly moving in him. He kissed Dean repeatedly as he began fucking his brother harder and faster. Suddenly Sam stopped and Ruby appeared at their sides with an ancient razor-sharp knife which she handed to Sam. She was chanting words Dean didn’t understand.

“Do exactly as I say Dean or you will die and you will go to hell. Obey me if you love me,” Sam said it so intensely all Dean could do was nod and whimper. Sam sat up, his cock still in Dean. He took Dean’s left hand in his and slashed his wrist twice close together. Dean screamed as the blood began running down his arm. He tried to cover it with his right hand, to stop it somehow. He was stunned when he saw Sam take the knife and slit his own left wrist so deeply Dean knew he could bleed to death too. But Dean was stunned when Sam lay his wrist down on Dean’s mouth and ordered him to suck and drink his blood as he took Dean’s wrist to his own mouth and began to suck.

“Sam…” Dean said weakly.

“Do it!” Sam yelled and Dean began to drink Sam’s blood. He felt sick almost immediately. Then the pain began to wash over him in waves. He tried to pull away from Sam’s wrist but Sam had a death grip on him. “Drink it Dean! Drink until you can’t drink any more!” Dean felt more pain and pleasure than he’d ever felt before. He felt Sam thrust hard and shoot his come into him. Sam took Dean’s wrist to his mouth again, still sucking his blood from him.

It seemed as though a thousand voices were screaming at Dean, tearing at him, torturing him – but he drank Sam’s blood until everything went white and then all he heard was Sam’s voice talking to him calmly. He opened his eyes slowly and realized that Sam had taken him into his lap, holding him tenderly to his chest, rocking and talking to him. Sam kissed him and caressed his face.

“We’ll be together forever now Dean. You’ll never be going to hell.” Sam slowly stepped onto the floor and handed Ruby the knife. Ruby put Dean’s clothes next to him on the altar.

“How long you need Sam?” she asked.

“Ten or fifteen minutes maybe. Just let me talk to Dean first,” he replied. She nodded and walked off, out of earshot.

Dean was looking at his wrist, he was amazed that there were two scars where Sam had cut him earlier, but they were healed wounds.

“How is this possible? What happened Sam?”

“You’ll always have that scar and it’ll look like that. Tiny, white, neat scars across your wrist,” Sam said as he showed Dean the one on his wrist.

“I still feel sick. What happened – are you gonna tell me?”

“You’re not human any more Dean, but you’ll never die again. I’ve drunk the blood of every demon I’ve killed or exorcised since I came back from the dead. I absorbed all of their powers and now so have you.”

“So we’re demons then Sam? You’ve turned me into what we’ve always hunted?”

“No, we’re not demons, but we have powers like they do. We’ll be able to fight them better now if we still want to….but we’re also not human any more.”

“Well what the hell are we Sam? Are we vampires?”

“No but we’re immortals. We’ll never die, we’ll never get older. We can be together forever now.”

“So the pact with the Crossroad Demon is what?”

“Null, void, useless. You can’t be killed and they can’t collect your soul.”

“What did this cost you Sam? What did you do?” Dean said anxiously.

“I’ve killed some demons, evil creatures and evil people, and I’ve done some things to help Ruby. She wants my baby so I’m going to have sex with her until she becomes pregnant. The child will be hers and will have all the same powers that we have.” Sam replied as he looked away. “And yeah, I died and returned to life just like you just did. Ruby brought me back.”

“I died? You died? That white light – I fucking died? And now you’re going to take this demon girl as your mate?”

“Yes, yes, yes, no.” Sam smiled as he answered.

“Okay, we both have died, but she’s not your mate? You’re going to impregnate her you said.”

“I’m going to impregnate her but you’re not getting this. That’s only sex. This ceremony we just went through – I just took you as my mate for all time. That’s the only way I could save you. You’re my mate Dean. We’re forever joined. You’re life-force of my life-force.”

“Damn.” Dean looked blown away. “I thought I could make things work out so we could be together and outwit the Crossroad Demon and her boss, but it ended up that you did. You found a way for us to be together.”

Sam reached over and stroked Dean’s face slowly. “I’m glad you understand it all now and why it had to happen. I couldn’t find any other way on earth to stop them. But we will be together now.”

“Forever Sam?”

“ Forever immortal.”

Fin.