Of Doctors and Iguanas

Hello people! I really hope you read this part first. This is my first House story...ever. In fact it's my first real person story ever, as I mostly do anime. This came to me when I couldn't sleep and I had been spending a week with my friend Raven watching non stop House.....the whole week.

So the Disclaimer!! I don't own House....hell I don't even own "A" House. I live in a shite apartment....so don't sue me!! I'm only playing around with them!! And now on with it!!


Wilson's keys fiddled at the door to House's apartment urgently. When the door opened he flew in as quickly as he could, looking around for House. But he wasn't on the floor in pain where he expected him to be. He wasn't even shouting obscenities. Or even dying...not that he hopped House was dying. No, House was sitting on the leather couch, his legs spreed out lazily along it.

"What's wrong? My pager said it was an emergency from you." Wilson looked confused, not moving from the slightly ajar door. The message he received was from an unknown number with only the words 'Emergency at House's'.

"Nope! I called up the local whore house and told them to page the one I wanted, giving them a number and a message. Seems you do respond to needy people positively. House said grabbing his cane and giving it a spin as he got up and walked to his fellow doctor.

"House..." Wilson sighed heavily and pinched the bridge of his hose. "Never mind. I'm leaving." He said, turning for the exit. But he was stopped by a cane cutting in front of him, closing the door.

"House! I've got patients to take care of."

"Ah! But I spent a hundred for this visit." The taller man said, limping his way closer to Wilson.

"Well, " Wilson said, a strange chocking sound came from him as he was at a loss for words. "you've just lost a hundred dollars." He reached for the door knob.

"Did you know," House began.

"Oh god not again." Wilson folded his arms.

"the Iguana will only mate with one female during a mating season once. But, they have a dilemma. The amount of semen that they produce in one session of intercourse isn't enough to impregnate the female's eggs."

"You better have a point House." Wilson was growing annoyed.

"So scientist have discovered that if an Iguana has intercourse multiple times, it's sperm count goes up for the next interaction temporarily." House slowly grew closer to Wilson.

"This is all very educational, but get to the point House." He sighed.

"Just a few questions, dear." House joked. He moved a little closer. "What do you think they do, Iguana's?"

"Ugh...what do they do House?" Wilson asked, humoring the insane doctor to get this over with.

"They have sex with other males." And before that could properly register in Wilson's head, House closed the left over distance and kissed him.

Wilson went stiff with shock but didn't move away from House.

House moved away slightly, a cocky smile on his face.

"What the fuck was that Greg!?" Wilson's voice gave a crack.

"You know the initial reaction is to take my cane, trip me, and run out the door, or at least that's what I would assume. Now why didn't you do that?" He still acted cocky and all knowing.

"If you try to tell me I'm an Iguana I will beat you with your cane." Wilson was confused and angry. The combination of the two wasn't exactly conducive to a good doctor. He was trying so hard to understand House at the moment.

"Now don't be silly! The reason you are still here is because you thrive on needy and pathetic people. And," He paused for dramatic effect. "you're curious."

Wilson's mouth gapped open a minute. Then he grabbed House's cane and threw it across the room.

House stumbled a bit from the jerk of his cane being taken from him, and looked up just in time to see Wilson push him over the couch. And the next thing he heard was the door slamming and he was laughing.

It took three weeks before Wilson came back to the apartment.

"What is it this time House?" He said stiffly.

"I want you to meet my new pet." House said from the piano.

Wilson looked at the surface and heaved a great sigh at what he saw. There, seeming to be asleep was a large, green Iguana.

"House..." He started.

"His name is Wilson!" House said while standing up from the seat and didn't see Wilson but an open door. "I really should stop messing with the squeamish." He thought about that for all of two second. "Naw." He laughed.

Ok first off, this bull shit about the Iguana...I so made that all up. None of it is true....that I know of. It was just the first thing that came to my mind and I was too lazy to go and see if there really was any real animal that does that at all....cause I'm sure that there isn't. That an if there was it would be some unknown animal that is in the darkest reaches of Africa that is an endangered species and would be illegal to own. And House would most likely want it too....just to mess with.

I really hope you liked it and please leave me a comment about what I could have done if you didn't like it!!