a holiday for the brokenhearted

Ok, i'm gonna dedicate this to probably the only person who will read it! So this is for my soulmate karin for reading and commenting on everything i do even if it sucks!! hugs and kisses for you sweetie!!


There was only one holiday that Dr Jesse Travis hated more than Christmas and that was valentines day. Unfortunately it wasn't something he could avoid and it was only three weeks away. He sighed to himself as the reason for him hating valentines, walked through the door of Bbq Bobs.

"Hey Jess." Steve greeted cheerfully. Steve Sloane was his friend, his mentors son and his business partner. He was also the one person that Jesse wanted to be with but knew he didn't even have the slightest chance of him loving him back.

"Hey Steve, what's got you so happy today?" He smiled back.

Steve hesitated briefly, before his face split into a huge grin. "I met this amazing woman last night when I went up to the hospital to see dad. She needed change for the coffee machine so I took her out for a drink instead. Her fathers in a coma and she goes there every day to see him."

Jesse's face had dropped as soon as Steve had mentioned a woman but now he plastered on his practised best friend smile and tried to look happy for him. "She sounds great." He thought he'd sounded convincing but Steve seemed to think otherwise.

"Are you ok Jess?" Jesse looked up to see concern in Steve's handsome face.

"Yeah, I'm just trying to sort out the rota for valentines day." Jesse lied quickly. "Everyone wants it off."

"I don't think we'll be very busy anyway, women don't seem to appreciate being taken for ribs on valentines."

"So you'll work with me?" Jesse asked hopefully.

"No way. If things go well with Melanie, then I'm gonna have a date for valentines night."

"Fine. It'll just be me then because I'm the only one who doesn't have anyone, thanks a lot Steve." He snapped, leaving everything on the table and storming out, pushing past a confused Mark and Amanda who'd arrived just in time to catch the end of his outburst.

"What was that all about?" Amanda asked, sliding gracefully onto a stool.

"I wish I knew." Steve replied, stunned. "I just said that I don't think I'll be able to work here on valentines day and he got mad at me."

"That doesn't sound like Jesse." His dad frowned. "There must be something else bothering him."

"I'll talk to him tomorrow for you." Amanda offered.

"Thanks, I'd appreciate it. He's been acting differently around me for a while but he's never yelled at me like that before and I don't know what it was that I did to make him mad."

**********************

Amanda walked into the doctors lounge at Community General intent on giving Jesse a piece of her mind for upsetting Steve but when she saw him, all thoughts of yelling at him flew from her mind. Jesse looked like he hadn't slept all night and his eyes were swollen and red from crying.

"Jesse, what's wrong?" She exclaimed, concerned.

"Oh, nothing I'm fine." He replied, clearly lying.

"Come on Jesse, you can tell me. I'm not going to tell anyone, I just want to help. Is it something to do with what happened between you and Steve yesterday?"

Jesse remained silent but he'd forgotten that Amanda had learned to read their facial expressions and loaded silences by now.

"Ok, so what happened between you two? I mean, I've never seen you snap at him like that. He's confused and upset and he has no idea what he's done to upset you."

"He didn't do anything." He sighed sadly.

"Then why are you so angry with him?"

"It's just him having a date, I'm kinda jealous." Jesse confessed, hoping that it would be enough for Amanda.

"Oh Jesse, you don't need to be jealous, you don't need to have someone on valentines day, it's just another way for big companies to make more money." Amanda comforted.

"Yeah, I know. Thanks." He grinned weakly.

"That's not all that's bothering you." She stated suddenly.

"What? Why would you think that there's something else?"

"Oh come on Jesse, you can't expect me to believe that you've been crying because you don't have a date. What's going on?"

"I already told you, that's all there is to it."

"I know you better than that." Amanda insisted. I can't help you if you don't tell me what's going on."

Something inside Jesse snapped. He knew Amanda meant well but he couldn't take any more of her questions.

"You really want to know?" He yelled, standing up and glaring at her angrily. "I'm jealous of Steve's date, I wish it was me."

"What...." Amanda began, confused.

"I'm in love with him, ok? I'm in love with Steve and it's killing me that I can't ever be with him."

"WHAT?" A stunned voice came from behind him and he spun round to see Steve standing in the doorway, an expression of shock and something similar to disgust on his face. They stared at each other in tense silence for a few moments until Jesse found his voice.

"Steve, say something." He pleaded weakly but the leiutentant only shook his head and walked out of the room, without saying another word.

"Fuck." Jesse cursed, running after him. "Steve, wait." He called, following him down the hallway. Steve ignored him and started walking quicker.

"Steve, please. Just stop and talk to me for a second." He yelled desperately.

Steve slowed to a stop but didn't turn round. Jesse quickly reached him and stood in front of him so he knew that Steve was actually listening to him.

"Don't hate me." He pleaded. "Please don't hate me."

"How long?" Steve demanded, ignoring Jesse's begging.

"A couple of years." He confessed quietly.

"YEARS? You've felt this way for years? I can't believe you, you spent all this time lying to me about who you are and our friendship." Steve shouted angrily.

"I didn't tell you because I thought you'd react badly." Jesse yelled back. "It looks like I was right. I was never planning on telling you or doing anything about it, so don't worry, you're safe from me. I thought more of you Steve. I didn't think you were so homophobic and narrow minded."

He walked away quickly, tears were burning behind his eyelids and he didn't want Steve to see how upset he really was.

Things went from bad to worse for Jesse the next day when he got to Bbq Bobs and found that Steve had rearranged the rota so that he wouldn't have to be there at the same time as him.

The thought that one of his best friends couldn't even stand to be in the same building as him hurt and he suddenly found himself wondering about Amanda. He'd chased after Steve when he'd overheard them so he never found out how she felt about it. What if she was disgusted with him too? What if she told Mark and now all three of them hated him?

He was starting to panic now now and his breath was coming in fast pants as he tried not to hyperventilate. He saw Amanda, Mark and, in a strange way, Steve, as the loving family he never had and he wasn't sure how he could carry on if they abandonded him because of his preferance for men.

He wasn't aware that he was crying until Lily, their new waitress, approached him. "Mr. Travis, are you ok?"

"Huh?" Jesse's head snapped up at the unexpected voice. "Oh hey, I'm fine, don't worry. And I thought I told you to call me Jesse."

He gave her a weak smile which she responded to with a raised eyebrow and a disbelieving look. "No you're not, why don't you go home? We're really quiet tonight and we can manage without you if you don't feel up to being here."

Jesse thought about it for a while before deciding that he really didn't want to be there in case Mark or Amanda decided to stop by. Nodding his head in thanks, he picked up his jacket and headed back to his apartment, immediately drawing the curtains and getting into bed, not wanting to face the world.